Foreword—I spent more than half of 2013 at Pendle Hill in Wallingford, PA, and fell in love with many things about it. My latest passion is with their pamphlets. Here I have, after reading them, set down the most impressive excerpts of each, with rare paraphrasing and additions of my own [in brackets]. Most of all I am impressed with the timelessness of these pamphlets, the old- est of which go back more than 80 years.

441. Making a Portrait of Jesus (by John Lampen; 2016)

About the Author—John Lampen has been a trainer and consultant in creative response to conflict in Northern Ireland, Africa, the former Yugoslavia, Soviet Union, and Great Britain. His previous Pendle Hill pamphlets include: Findings: Poets and the Cross of Faith (#310, 1993); and Answering the Violence: Encounters with Perpetrators (#412, 2011)

[Introduction]—My mother was an artist. She would do portraits of someone who had died and whom she never met, using photographs and discussions with family members. I have tried to do something similar in making this portrait in words. The teachings I received in childhood about Jesus never gave me a sense of living reality. [My own adult reading of the records revealed] an extraordinary man who was very different from what I had expected. I share with you now the Jesus I now respect and try to follow.

There are guidelines to help us decide what we can honestly accept in the records about the historical Jesus, what is acceptable & what is questionable; everyone will evaluate the evidence differently. I see Jesus' public mission as going from autumn of 28 CE (AD) to April 7, 30, 18 months. In April of 29, the people tried to get him to lead a revolt against Roman occupation. Jesus [broke off his mission] & withdrew into hiding to rethink his mission; the message hadn't been understood. He emerged a sadder & wiser man who was determined to take it to the national leaders in Jerusalem. In late March he challenged authorities with a "royal entry" into the city & a physical attack on the commercialization of the Temple worship. He was arrested & put to death on Friday April 7^th. A few days later the rumors began that his followers had seen him alive.

I have come to see that, whatever the value of an "all-powerful, all-knowing God" image, this figure could not be the man from Nazareth as his friends, followers, family, and enemies knew him; you will not find the theological Christ in these pages. The Jesus here was intensely alive. He had a carrying voice, a Galilean accent, and remarkable eyes; he could be passionately angry; his humor is unmistakable. Rembrandt's Jesus was ordinary looking, but had a faint glow, visible only to those who have eyes for whatever is special in daily encounters.

Part One: A Portrait of Jesus—Jesus' moral teaching: Christianity's compassion for the weak, vulnerable, and oppressed springs from the behavior and words of Jesus. [The genius of] his moral teaching is found as much in his deeds as his sayings. With Jesus, the cause of physical disability became "so God's power might be displayed in curing him." The "rabble" included all the oppressed, despised, "contaminated," probably the majority of society. Jesus told them they were lucky to be free and innocent of the temptations of money and prestige.

Jesus refused to meet expectations. He identified the pressure points where traditional authority [of family & religion] is most likely to be oppressive. He broke petty prohibitions, & said the Law was made for our benefit—nothing else. He attacked contamination taboos, the gulf they created between the righteous & the impure, and the victimizing of women. He healed women, [and showed great compassion toward them]. He was sensitive to the way men discriminated against women, and stood up for their rights. He also championed children. In the people of Nazareth's eyes he was an illegitimate child; they called him "Mary's son," rather than Joseph's.

Jesus told his followers not to use violence, but his advice has been misunderstood. The "turning of the other cheek" is explained by Walter Wink as follows: "The person who turns the other cheek is saying, 'Try again. Your 1st blow failed to achieve its intended effect. I deny you the power to humiliate me. Your status does not alter [my humanity]. You cannot demean me.' Such a response causes great difficulty for the striker."

Jesus founded not a church but a group of friends who ate together. [He started with an exclusively Jewish focus; his people rejected the call, while some of the foreigners he met impressed him with their trust and spiritual insight. A Gentile woman turn the other cheek at Jesus' insulting refusal to help with "Even the dogs under the table eat the children's scraps." Whether she startled him or made him laugh, I think this was a turning point in his thinking and teachings about women and pagans. Jesus told us to love as indiscriminately as God did. If we refuse to recognize the enormous generosity and love that fill the universe, we cut our selves off from it.

Jesus' Politics—Why was Jesus' revolutionary, unpolitical message considered then and still now considered] dangerous? Jesus' era wasn't one of universal peace. The people reacted differently to Rome's presence. Saducees (religious elite) collaborated with Rome [in order to have influence] & minimize the threat to religious freedom; Zealots & Sicarii promoted violent rebellion; Pharisees [isolationists] reacted with strict cultural & religious separation from foreign influences. Some Pharisees befriended & warned Jesus; some preached a message like his own. Other Pharisees' religion was contained in a rulebook & exclusiveness; It made them proud & lacked compassion.

"Iscariot" [Judas] is thought to be a corruption of "Sicarius," the terrorist group; Simeon was a Zealot. Nathaniel was "a true Israelite" with traditional values; Philip had a Greek name & Matthew was a tax collector. Jesus' entry into Jerusalem was as a king who banishes war's weapons [and brings peace]. He wept over the fate awaiting Jerusalem after rejecting his message. He rejected the Saducees dishonest compromise, and the Pharisa-ic quest for purity. Christianity at different times has embraced each of the paths he rejected.

[ System's Power vs. Love's Power/ Jesus Reflects on his Message]—Jesus isolated himself from influential parties; nobody stood up for him. He saw that this world's kingdoms and its rulers exert the system's power over people; God's kingdom exerts Love's power in serving each other. The contrast is shown below:

System's Power Love's & Truth's Power

Control Freedom

Compulsion Nonviolence

Society Community

Hierarchies Servant Leadership

Segregation Inclusion

Status, class, caste Equality

Doctrine Inquiry

Judging Acceptance

Reward/ Punishment Forgiveness

He questioned the law, criticized Temple worship and priestly authority, taught universal forgiveness [in place of] atonement and sacrifice. He denied the clear-cut distinctions between orthodox and heretic, Jew and pagan. If a charge of blasphemy could be proved, Jewish law prescribed the death penalty, which was not imposable under Roman rule. It was convenient to get the Roman governor to order the execution.

[It wasn't a trial with the Sanhedrin, but] an informal examination, [to see if they could] concoct charges that Pilate would take seriously. Even though Jesus would not deny being the Messiah, this was not blasphemous under Jewish law. It did satisfy Pilate, so that Jesus was dispatched the same way as other trouble-makers [& would-be messiahs]. Why did Jesus not save himself from crucifixion? He knew that the mission to Jerusalem was likely to end in his death.[He had to deal with public expectations of a victorious messiah who would drive out the Romans and establish God's rule over Israel].

[Jesus had to isolate himself] to ponder why his message of peace had been so misunderstood; Jesus had no ambition to lead an insurrection. His conception of messiah was based on Isaiah's suffering servant—a nonviolent witness to the truth who was prepared to suffer. He didn't welcome his fate; he quailed at it. But he would not run away. So long as people keep forging the next link in the chain, the violence continues; peace is merely a short period of calm imposed by whoever, for the time being, is stronger. Each time a violent chain of pain and death is ended, the kingdom of God is enlarged. Jesus refused to forge the next link of hatred and revenge. By absorbing the evil and forgiving its agents, he trusted he could bring it to an end.

Jesus' Spiritual Life—Jesus & his community believed in a personal God who should be respected, feared & obeyed, the Lord of history who rules fates of nations & holds them accountable. Jesus had a personal experience of God; he expected others to share it. He felt that emphasis on God's nature was in the wrong place. The idea that God makes demands on us for God's own satisfaction is wrong. We are to refrain from anger [for our own sake]; anger corrupts us inside. God's Kingdom is a loving, forgiving community, whose members rejoice in serving one another. Something hidden [in this Kingdom that is here & not yet is working away; yeast is rising, a planted seed is growing]. It's a mistake [to care nothing or] care too much for ourselves. We must live in trust that we can cope with a good or bad tomorrow, & trust in a Father who knows what we need.

We have to remember that this advice isn't from someone with a comfortable home & income. Jesus assured his audiences that they might suffer; they wouldn't be tested beyond what they could bear. Jesus was concerned with & even commended pagans for faith in him that was trust in him & not the Church's "test of faith." He was concerned only with the religious faith of people who parade their beliefs but don't live up to them.

Jesus' prayers were a [human/ divine] dialogue, something that flowed into action, & then back into prayer. He used his worship to receive guidance, awareness of God's will on what he should do next. The "repenting" Jesus called for meant "changing your mind," changing your outlook, seeing things with new eyes. Jesus doesn't prescribe confession, tears of repentance, acts of penance [in exchange for forgiveness]. It is repaid by forgiving others. Matthew's references to fear of punishment, & the decreasing emphasis on it in the other 3 gospels tells us more about the preaching of Matthew's church than Jesus' message. Christian life depends on the practice of love. Love to God, love & forgiveness to other people is without limits & isn't dependent on good fortune or friendship. We are to serve without setting limits, for it is by forgetting status & serving others that we qualify as Jesus' followers. There must be no limit to surrender of our selves.

Part 2: The Evidence—[How is picturing Jesus & ourselves radically as suffering servants in God's Community/ Kingdom different from the First Day (Sunday) school picture we were given]? I now want to explain the evidence I have chosen as honestly and objectively as I can. What happened in the 40 years between when Jesus died and when the earliest of the surviving gospels were written?

Roughly 30-70: According to a majority of scholars, each Christian group had memories of Jesus sayings & stories; favorites took on a set form. Those used less often were imperfectly remembered. Those concerned with Jewish tradition interpreted differently from largely non-Jewish congregations. They were shared by word of mouth rather than by reading. By 50 CE (AD), many eyewitnesses had died, & the 2nd generation was getting old. Missionaries needed collections of Jesus' teachings for their converts. Scattered communities combined & edited memories, which resulted in a sayings collection called Q, & the original version of the Gospel of Thomas. Written accounts of Jesus' trial, death, & resurrection began to circulate.

Romans Destroyed Jerusalem (70 CE)—The narrative gospels were compiled from all of sources that existed by that time. After Jerusalem's authority vanished, churches that remained within Judaism found themselves in sharp conflict with contemporary Pharisees about which was the authentic guardian of Jewish scriptures. Pharisees had Jewish Scripture, so the Christians needed their own books that witnessed to Jesus' identity. The gospel authors' different concerns & points of view influenced what they selected.

In one of its Christian forms, Gnosticism claimed that Jesus only seemed to be a person who could breathe, suffer, & die; he was really the divine spirit of understanding sent to save us by teaching secret doctrines. The Coptic Gospel of Thomas is an example of Gnostic writings. There was more than a century of confusion and controversy. Our present-day gospel were not "certified until the beginning of the 5^th century.

5^th Century Establishment of the Canon to 1450 CE (AD; 1st Printed Bible): All the early copies of Scriptures we have contain slight variations. Some errors are simple, some deliberate. Sometimes what Jesus "ought to have said" was inserted. The invention of printing made a standard text possible.

[Genuine Material and Evidence of Tampering]—I believe what we have is mostly genuine material with some evidence of tampering. When I see how closely the manuscripts agree, I greatly admire the faithful care of early scribes. The ancient copiers used no capital letter, word breaks, or punctuation. You will see that gospel writers put incompatible explanations of what Jesus meant into his mouth. We cannot be sure that the sayings used were said only once, or placed in their original context.

How are we to assess the complicated mixture [of different sources, contradictions, selective quotes placed in unoriginal contexts, and different timelines, church agendas, preaching and concerns which sometimes pass as "sayings of Jesus?" Matthew's readers were Jewish, so he over-stresses points where Jewish prophecies seem to be fulfilled. If Matthew adapted his account to fulfill prophecies and create parallels, how & where did he do it? He groups Jesus' sayings in 5 large blocks, thus mirroring the Torah. He alone emphasizes punishment, and reflects hopes the Jews can still be persuaded about the truth of Jesus' mission to them

Mark has a lively style, writing in blunt, unpolished, eastern-Mediterranean Greek. His is the earliest & least sophisticated gospel; his account is closest to the pre-Easter Jesus; I use it for Jesus' life chronology. Mark's mission account lasts 18 months. Matthew & Luke frequently omit details of Mark's account. In Luke, Jesus 1st offers the Jews salvation; it's for everyone. He brings out Jesus' attitudes to women, children, & non-Jews, & emphasizes Jesus' compassion. He omits stories showing Jesus in a bad light. He is a literary artist, using psalm-like songs in the nativity story. In "Luke's crucifixion" account, the centurion says, "Truly this man was innocent."

John's stories, chronology, & Jesus' preaching contrast with the 1st 3 gospels. John's account is built around Jesus' appearances at the Temple's great Jewish festivals; they provide themes for Light, Bread, Water, & Sacrifice sermons. The book was compiled & revised over many years, with genuine memories & years of reflection. Marcus Borg writes: "John's claims come out of a community's post-Easter experience of Jesus. Jesus is light that enlightens them, spiritual bread that fed them, the way that led them from death to life." John [gave up on Jews], & sounds a triumphant tone in Jesus' disputes with scholars, & deep resentment over their part in Jesus' death; [it helped fuel Anti-Semitism]. As we struggle with miracles & 21st century scientific outlook, we should try not to think of it as truth's only gauge. Perhaps John's turning water into wine & recalling Lazarus from the dead are [platforms] for Jesus' comparison of his message to new wine, & the promise of eternal life.

Let me offer examples of how we evaluate the text to get closer to the historical Jesus. In comparing the Matthew & John versions of the saying having to do with lamp & light, the former & earlier of the 2 is much more likely to come from the historical Jesus. The John version reflects his understanding of the post-Easter Jesus & prescribes belief rather than action. In the saying, "Love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you; pray for your persecutors," the words in italics are missing from the oldest manuscripts. Were they added by an editor, or omitted because they are so hard to obey. The paragraph about treatment of "a brother who commits a sin," suggests a strict procedure of several steps, including an ever wider circle of the "congregation," & culminates in shunning the unrepentant. The passage suggesting forgiving someone " 70 times 7, is an extravagantly impractical saying; who but Jesus would have invented it. In Matthew, these 2 statements follow one another. It is hard to believe they were said on the same occasion by the same person.

The pre-Easter Jesus' transformation into Christ didn't happen all at once. Geza Vernes detects 4 stages of development between the charismatic holy man & teacher from Galilee & the 2nd person of the church's trinity. The synoptic gospel's Jesus was acknowledged as the expected messiah. The early church then proclaimed him as a resurrected prophet. Paul's Christ is humanity's redeemer from sin & error; he became "Son of God" through his resurrection. In John's final edition, Jesus is said to be equal to God. Each stage adds a layer of significance. There will never be a complete understanding of Jesus. Each age has a different understanding; each of us draws a different portrait. The truth has so many facets that the demand for certainty can never comprehend it.

Epilogue—At the end of John, the disciples go fishing, but they have no luck, [until] they see a man alone on the shore, crouching over a small fire; Peter and John are convinced he is Jesus. Peter impulsively jumps into the water and swims to him. After the breakfast Jesus cooked, Jesus speaks to them one by one, quietly reassuring and encouraging them. The point of this story is that, in some mysterious sense, Jesus was encountered after his death. It captures initial disappointment, then the bustle of the catch, simple breakfast and gentle conversations. The energy of the very first years of Christianity must have come from real experiences, and not from a conspiracy to deceive. They were recorded by people who thought differently than we do.

[What did the energy, experiences, & stories of Christianity's first years achieve in the long term]? I rejoice that countless people were inspired to live good lives & minister to those around them. I am aghast at institutional Christianity's failure to embody the teaching. Few Christian churches have ever [by their actions] treated Jesus' teaching with anything but contempt. I am horrified at the violence perpetrated in Christianity's name.

Some may say his message simply can't work at the social, political, international levels. Has it ever been tried at those levels? The kingdom (or republic) of God's dream refuses to die. That dream's origin doesn't lie with the the churches' & theologians' Christ, but with the life, words, & death of the man from Nazareth.

APPENDIX: SUGGESTED BOOKS—Jesus A Life by A.N. Wilson (Norton, 2004) provides a sympathetic portrait of Jesus by a non-believer. Who on Earth was Jesus? By David Boulton (O Books, 2008) explores origins & differences of biblical documents. The Changing Faces of Christ by Geza Vermes (Viking Adult, '01) charts the gradual development of the traditional theological view of Jesus. Meeting Jesus Again for the 1st Time (Harper-Collins, 1995) introduces distinctions between the pre- & post-Easter Jesus & its implications. 20 Questions About Jesus by John Lampen (Quaker Books, 1985) covers topics of atonement and Jesus' divine nature.

[2 Pendle Hill Pamphlets similar to this one are]: But Who Do You Say That I Am: Quakers and Christ Today (#426, by Douglas Gwyn; 2014); and Who Do You Say That I Am? (#409, by Lloyd Lee Wilson; 2010)

Queries—How is the Jesus you learn about as a child like or different from Jesus as you think about him today? How did the changes happen? [Why] does Jesus believe these "chains of pain and death" can be ended and the "kingdom of God ...enlarged"? What does a "personal God" mean to you? What are the implications of making the bringing of God's kingdom into being our life's task? What is the difference between faith as "trust" and faith as "belief"? How does the diversity of sources, with their apparent contradictions affect your interest, respect and faith? Why? [How does your judgment of what makes an authentic Jesus-saying or portrait of Jesus compare with the author's]?
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442. Meeting at the Center: Living Love and Reconciling One with Another (by
Bruce Birchard; 2016)

About the Author—Bruce Birchard has served as general secretary of Friends General Conference (FGC), on a program committee for American Friends Service Committee (AFSC), & as staff of the Friends Peace Committee of Philadelphia YM. Since retirement in 2011, he has served as a founding member of Quaker Voluntary Service. Bruce wrote the Pendle Hill Pamphlet The Burning Oneness Binding Everything: A Spiritual Journey (#332; 1997), & several articles for Friends Journal. He has addressed FGC, & Baltimore, Iowa & other YM's.
[Introduction]—[In my Friends work, I was] an organizer, an coordinator of the US peace movement, public speaker, event organizer, & writer, [i.e. an activist]. I was surprised when I was asked to speak on reconciliation at FGC 2011 Gathering. I hadn't thought of myself as having done much with reconciliation; I viewed "reconciler" & "activist" as divergent roles. I have been acutely aware of genocide, racism, sexism, & sexual orientation issues, [basic mistreatment of "different" people]. I firmly believe we are to step out of comfortable lives [to actively engage in] bearing witness, confronting evil, challenging powers, assisting victims, bringing change.
I was asked, and I agreed to speak about love and reconciliation, because I now understood that the work of the activist and reconciler are not mutually exclusively. We are all called to do both kinds of work; they are 2 sides of the same spiritual coin. After the South African activists Nelson Mendele and Bishop Desmond Tutu [were able to exercise leadership in a new South Africa], they went to extraordinary lengths to bring their black African communities together with white South African communities.
Mandela created the Truth & Reconciliation Commission, which labored long to bring to light abuse white South African governments & forces had done, in order to move the people toward a multiracial nation. Truth-telling without loving reconciliation, or [love without accepting all the painful, pertinent facts], will never lead to blessed community. Why does it matter that the truth of the situation be known and accepted as true by those involved? Why is love for each other important, as difficult as that may be? [I've found that God is a Verb] as Buckminster Fuller said: God to me, it seems,/ is Verb/ not noun,/ proper or improper; ... Yes,God is verb,/ the most active,/ harmonically reordering the universe/ from unleashed chaos of energy/ What does "God is a verb" mean to you? There is ... a great natural peace ... out of including, refining, dynamic balan-cing./ Naught [of Truth or anything] is lost ..." God is "in everyone" as our active relationships, actively living & loving one another. I will consider 3 reconciliations: personal; with Friends Society; within a genocidal nation.
My Brother, My Mother, My Father, & Me—My younger brother, "Don," & I, grew up in the 40's, 50's, & 60's in Hackettstown, a small & conservative NW NJ town. [He surprised himself by having a sexual encounter with a college roommate at Reed College (OR). He came home at Christmas with long, stringy hair to an unhappy father & a distressed mother. Father threatened to leave home for the holidays if Don didn't get a crew cut; Don was devastated. Don asked me to come out to OR; [that invite was the 1st step away from killing himself].
Don didn't want to be gay, and had a rough several years. Eventually, he went to a therapist who said: "It's clear that you are attracted to a men and not to women. You can spend your life repressing your homosexuality, and not having intimate relationships, or you can accept it and seek love with another man." He soon came out, and was quite "in your face" about it—to everyone except to parents. He said nothing to them about the most important thing in his life. He kept deferring that step because of our fears about the damage this could do to our father and to Don's relationship with both our parents. Eventually Don wrote a letter.
My father was born in 1914, the last of 5 children. He was very smart & graduated Warren High School at his class' top. None of his siblings went to college; 2 went to nursing school. In the Depression's depths he went to Maryville College, then Lafayette College. A distant relative paid tuition, & he eventually moved to Maine to attend their University. Dad met Mother there & they dated for the 2 years he attended until he graduated. He worked as a salesman for the American Sawmill Machinery Company in Hackettstown. He never told his customers he had a college degree.
Mom taught Home Economics at a local high school. Dad left the sawmill machinery business and taught French in 4 different high schools over a 12-year period. He had to quit teaching to avoid a nervous breakdown. He went back to work in a factory and became extremely depressed to the point of suicide. All of this happened at the time Don was struggling with being gay. Then Don sent his carefully composed coming-out letter, and Dad read it. Dad said: "We told Don that we love him as much as always. It's OK."
I was so proud of both my dad and my brother. I often think about what enable my father to accept Don as a gay man. I believe that, most of all, he opened himself to the feelings of love he had for Don and for the rest of us. Even in his terrible despair, he had put his family first. Even with being upset and angry, and not understanding Don, he held love in his heart. The sources of my father's love were: his parents; his sister, Peg; my mother, Don, me; my wife Demie and our little boys. He was a religious person, and took the teachings of Jesus seriously. My father always wanted to do what was right; this meant accepting his son for who he was. My mother's fierce love for all of us also played a part in convincing him, for he respected her.
In his letter, Don spoke his truth, and I believe my father respected that. My mother and father did ask Don to be less flagrant about his gay identity when he visited small, conservative Hackettstown. Within a few years, my dad began telling his friends that Don was gay, and that he and my mom totally accepted it. That was my father doing what he felt was required of him as a loving and principled man.
Lessons Learned—Reconciliation is deeply personal, involving facts & feelings that are unique to each individual. It is only possible after truth-telling. Both parties will feel victimized or misunderstood, & both must feel heard. Both parties have to overcome fears of the unknown & of change. [Fear was central to the Holocaust, the Indian Partition, and the massacre of Bosnian Muslims]. Nelson Mandela understood the need to overcome fear. He said: "Forgiveness never hurts the soul. It removes fear, and that is why it is such a powerful weapon."
Living Love within the Wider Family of Friends—In 1992, I wasn't familiar with either Friends United Meeting (FUM) or Evangelical Friends Church International (EFCI). Broadly speaking, they were "others" to me. In the "Superintendents & Secretaries Retreat for FUM, EFCI, & FGC officials, I entered a new Quaker world in which Friends read & discussed scripture, offered vocal prayer, & praised the Lord Jesus Christ.
[My Quaker world further expanded to include] Bainito Wamalwa, a 38 year-old Quaker from Kenya, who was the clerk of the Young Quaker Christian Association of Africa. He invited me and Gretchen Castle to Kenya in 2009 to conduct 3 days of board training with a group of about 20 young adult board members. The highly interactive process included: full-group brainstorming, intense small group discussion, reports to the large group, refining, & reaching a sense of the meeting—& flip charts. By the end, they had reconceptualized their organization, developed a plan for restructuring, and agreed to move toward becoming an independent body. [The young Africans were excited by the process]. While in Kenya, we also visited the Friends Theological College in Kaimosi, and small Friends Communities in Turkana in the rocky, desert of northern Kenya. They welcomed us warmly, singing and dancing and telling us about their lives, and we spoke our messages. FUM contributions provided wells, water filters, boarding schools.
Through these experiences and rich conversations, I gained a whole new picture of FUM. Few Kenya Friends are open to LGBTQ, but FUM is engaged with people and communities that are, by our standards, desperately poor. Many were sustained by a deep faith, and out of faith they served others; I saw God as a verb in that desert. I came to see that building loving relationships with people & communities from diverse backgrounds is a real strength of FUM. We are all called to this kind of love and service.
The Path of Forgiveness—In 2010, the Superintendents' & Secretaries' Retreat with the heads of FGC, FUM, & EFCI was planned by Arthur Larrabee & I. Years before, Lon Fendall & Jan Wood from EFCI had initiated the "Quaker Reconciliation Project," in order to "put an end to our own Quaker splits ... to find how God is working among us now." After lunch Jan of EFCI crossed the room & got down on her knees before FUM's Syl-via Graves. Speaking as a member of Northwest Yearly Meeting (NWYM), Jan asked for Sylvia's forgiveness. NWYM had been the 1st YM to break with FUM (1926), starting the breakaway that led to EFCI's formation.
Discussion began about the splits and hard feelings between EFCI and FUM. No one was talking about the tensions between liberal Friends and FUM. I sought to open myself to understanding what responsibility I might have for exacerbating this painful division. I could identify deep respect for FUM, I could also identify a sense of superiority, that I have "grown beyond" Christ-centered and scripture-based faith. I proceeded around the room and apologized to each of he FUM and EFCI Friends. This was a very tender time.
I received a copy of a message an FUM superintendent sent to members of his YM: [Why is it] that the Society of Friends, a peace church, has so much conflict, so many painful divisions in its history? ... Some differences are reflective of differing cultures, styles and preferences ... Others are deeper, reflecting core beliefs and values that may be mutually exclusive. What should be our response to the [basic] differences [between the different branches of Friends]? ... As these branches discussed "reconciliation," a leader from FGC addressed EFCI and FUM superintendents seeking forgiveness for his circle of Friends' unholy attitude. [While any merger is unlikely and unwise] ... I'm beginning to understand reconciliation in a new way ... It has to do with changing our attitude, seeking and extending forgiveness. What would reconciliation look in our YM?"
The attitudes that I had apologized for are "unholy" because they are not consistent with divine love. They undermine the creation of the blessed community. FUM's discrimination against LGBTQ people is wrong; it is a sin. When we apologize to someone we have wronged, it does not work to add conditions or stories about "how they are wrong." The relationships of love and caring we build with one another make possible the sharing of our own understandings so that we can all move forward in the Light.
[At this pamphlet's beginning, I mentioned the invitation I received to speak on reconciliation]. This is the letter I got from Elviem Shelton: "I have a sense that you have been transformed by your moving experiences among Quakers in Kenya ... and your reconciliation experience at the Superintendent and Secretaries meeting, [where you apologized] ... for your liberal arrogance, [I suggest that] you share your recent experiences of "meeting at the center." ... We meet at our spiritual centers. This isn't about compromise of our respective dogmas, or even about coming to unity about actions that threaten to a make a deeper schism between liberal and orthodox Friends. We meet in that which is holy; we find action from that place, which is divine. How can we forgive; and forgive again without losing our center? Liberals have a lot to learn from the lives and experiences of those sisters and brothers in more Christ-centered and scripture-based Quaker churches, who are deeply involved in loving service to others. Let us see what love can do.
Working for Reconciliation in Burundi—While loving one another & talking about differences respectfully is enough for dealing with conflicts in families of origin & faith families, North American Friends have a lot to learn about the hard work of love & reconciliation after terrible violence & the power in such a process; this is an experience that few have had. I am often disappointed & frustrated when I listen to myself & other middle-class North Americans talk about nonviolence & peace testimony without acknowledging that we haven't experienced anything close to the horrors that 100,000,000's of the world's peoples have experienced. There are encouraging developments in various parts of the world & within the UN, to create processes that support such reconciliation, namely the South African Truth & Reconciliation Commission (1995), the International Criminal Court (1998), & similar reconciliation programs in other countries, often with the UN's support.
I'd like to describe the work led by Friends involved with the African Great Lakes Initiative (AGLI), a project of Friends Peace Teams. In the case of Rwanda and Burundi, we have much to learn from them, some of whom have worked their way through terrible trauma to reconciliation, sometimes with the very individuals who tortured or killed members of their own families. [We need to] understand their difficult transitions, and sense the presence of a power beyond us that has moved through these people and these situations.
The conflicts in Burundi & Rwanda were principally between the Hutu majority & the Tutsi minority; Tutsis had long controlled the government & military of both countries. A Hutu president was elected, then assassinated by Tutsi officers; Hutus killed any Tutsis they could find. A brutal campaign of torture, rape, & massacres was followed by both sides. Friends from Burundi, Rwanda, & elsewhere, associated with AGLI, developed a model for trauma-healing workshops that incorporated elements from the Alternatives to Violence Project & began offering them in scores of affected communities. The work was called "Healing & Rebuilding Our Communities."
Each 3-day workshop was attended by 10 Tutsi and 10 Hutu, some them newly released perpetrators. They began by creating a safe space in which people could talk. They introduced the concept of "post-traumatic stress disorder" (PTSD). Participants learned to accept PTSD as fact, learned listening skill, described their own experiences, expressed grief to others, and dealt with their feelings. On the 3rd day, participants paired up, with Tutsis leading blindfolded Hutus, then the reverse.
In one story, a woman lost her husband & brother; in another a woman lost 2 brothers & a younger sister. The 1st woman took part in a HROC workshop and was able to release much of her anger and pain. The other, after the trust work felt that "it was not good to stay in my grief and I had no fear of the killer of her siblings. A group of Tutsi decided to put their desire for reconciliation to work and went to visit a prison where Hutus were being held under bad conditions, including food shortages. The prisoners were suspicious "But by the end we came to see that they really did bring us money and food just out of love." One of the prisoners, after being released, was embraced by one of those who had come to visit. It caused astonishment and a feeling of welcome.
David Zarembka said that reconciliation between Hutus and Tutsis was not stated as a goal of the HROC workshops, because you cannot tell survivors of atrocities that they should just forget; they were invited to recover from their own trauma. Many were led to a safer, more secure place beyond their trauma. [Once again, storytelling, truth-telling, and reconciliation go hand in hand. Paths were provided for for the Spirit to move to overcome hatred and fear in ways that move us closer to the blessed community.
Meeting at the Center—In my examples, speaking the truth and overcoming fear in order to do so opened a way to move through the conflicts toward reconciliation. Beyond the words and fear, there is a force that manifests as a powerful reaching to each other. God is a verb; God is what happens; God is a process. The spark of relationship that flickers up, the more fear fades, the more likely that spark an leap from one soul across alienation's gulf to other souls. That is profound evidence of God happening. That is the reality of living love and being reconciled one with another.
Quaker Queries—How does fear stir violence, and how can it be overcome? How does a feeling a superiority support divisions between people? What does [true] forgiveness mean to you? [What is the source of liberal Friends sounding self-righteous in talking about peace testimony and nonviolence? What happens in workshops that aim at healing a victim's trauma and result in reconciliation? What does reconciliation mean to you? Have you experienced profound reconciliation? What does reconciliation's "power beyond our own making" and "profound evidence of God happening mean to you?
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443. Individual Spiritual Discernment: Receiving, Testing, and Implementing Leadings from a Higher Power (by Jerry Knutson; 2017)

About the Author—Jerry Knutson received a bachelor's degree (1974), & a master's in Environmental Engineering (1976). He began Quaker worship in the mid-1980's, & attended Pendle Hill 2002-03, studying spiritual discernment. From 2005-14; he worked on discernment under Pittsburgh Meeting's care. His ongoing ministry in spirituality, discernment, Quakerism, prisoner visitation & support, has been under Orlando Meeting's care since 2017. He splits membership & time between Orlando & the Monongalia Meeting in Morgantown, WV.

Failure's only a problem if success is the goal ... the goal is witnessing to the love and truth of God and God's living spirit as it works through us." Father Gerry Reynolds

What is Discernment?—I've studied it since 1999. I've take 6 long courses & 12 short courses on it, read over 50 books, & written 2 dissertations. I've presented 2 weeklong courses, & facilitated 25 shorter discernment workshops. Here's some of what I've learned about daily personal discernment in a practical how-to guide.

Discernment implies that guidance is always there waiting. Early Quakers called comprehending guidance as "[waiting & seeking for a way] to open." The guidance already exists, hidden behind a curtain. Some believe discernment is a skill & want a formula for discernment. Conceptual thinking can be part of discernment, but discernment includes other guidances, ways that defy logic & common sense. [When does something defying logic truly lack value, spiritual or otherwise; when is it illogical but still has spiritual value]? Some see it as a gift we get better at with practice; discernment is skill & gift. What is this ever-present guidance's source? Discernment is the human practice of opening to Agape's [God's] guidance. The Greek word agape is an aspect of love, namely unconditional love, or "spontaneous self-giving love expressed freely without calculation."

When is Discernment Used/ Why Use Discernment?/ How is Guidance Received?—If I use discernment for little things, I'll have practiced for making life-changing decisions; I have my mind attuned to Agape at all times. I once put on a sweatshirt without understanding why; I late felt an illness coming on, and I believe the sweatshirt kept me warm and prevented the illness.

Guidance found by discernment comes from Agape & uses not only mind but also other parts of my self, & includes consequences to others. I once drove an hour to a local meeting, & found myself locked out. I didn't wait for members to show up, & my anger took over while I drove the hour-long route home, [I hung onto my anger for 2 days; more about that later. [Saul's discernment of a need for a radical change in faith] was spectacular; Saul was persecuting & killing early Christians. He was very far from Agape, so Agape had to get his attention. Elijah was close to God. All his discernment, his guidance from Agape, was a still, small voice. Leadings by Agape are gentle, tender & optional. My theory is that Agape's voice decibel level is directly proportional to my distance from Agape, or to the concern's urgency; guidance can come as images, feelings, events, or songs.

Receiving Unsolicited Guidance/ ... in Meeting for Worship—Agape often speaks without being asked. It most commonly shares illogical things persistently, & leads in surprising directions; to me such thoughts are anomalies. Logical thoughts need to be persistent & surprising to discern the source. Spiritual Healing Group skipped a meeting because I was the only one coming. On meeting day I got persistent, surprising guidance to go. A woman in great pain was there. She said: "I didn't know about your group. I told the driver to stop as we went past here." Had I chose not to go. I wouldn't have known I was needed & that I received "true" guidance.

I had an urge to follow a woman with chemical sensitivities who left meeting early; I was needed to sit with her. My subconscious mind knew I was needed, but my conscious mind didn't know until she verified it. Peggy Senger writes: "When I am receptive, messages arrive. It is essential that I recognize and accept the messages. I need to discern where the message comes from. I weed out or divert to the right time and place, those ideas that are simply mine ... Divine messages have a feel and a smell to me and it is unmistakable ... It is easy to hear the message and be distracted to the point of having it slip by, not caught, not treasured, not attended to."

At Pendle in 2002, I began to "quake" when I was prompted to give vocal ministry. My "quaking" was a gentle buzzing in my heart, a new sensation for me. I tested the ministry & found it's source wasn't me. I let the quaking build. When I stood, the quaking stopped. I became calm, & I felt a great peace as I gave the vocal ministry; no one experiences quaking the same way. I felt subtle quaking 2 weeks later, but the quaking didn't rise to a level that compelled me to stand & speak. My certainty about my ministry and its timing came to a head during one of the last announcements. I knew this was the time for my vocal ministry and I rose and gave it. Ministry from Agape coming from other vocal messages can be discerned by the Agape within me resonating with the Agape within the vocal minister. Some messages are neither clearly Spirit-led or clearly inappropriate; I can't discern their source and shouldn't try. I should discern if there is a kernal of truth in the message for me to hear

Receiving Solicited Guidance: Simplified Method—Some people use Tarot, the I Ching, runes, and random Bible-pointing after prayer in seeking guidance. These methods are searching for guidance from external sources. As Luke 17:21 says: "The kingdom of God is within you." How do I look for Agape within? I create a "yes," "no" question. I try to imagine future consequences and life after receiving a "yes" and then a "no" answer. I then center for 20 minutes. I gently ask the question and wait for a response. Sometimes I get responses involving light or darkness, heat or cold, consolation or desolation. One scenario may have more peace and joy associated with it. Sometimes an answer presents a third way. The most common response I receive is no response. I try to live my life slowly enough to move at the speed of receiving guidance; I try to just "be" and "do."

I wanted to go to China with some spiritual friends. I anticipated a "yes" to the question, "Should I go?" Instead, after meditation, I asked the question and got a loud "No." Since I was teaching discernment in meditation class, I decided that I needed to follow my own lessons and advice and not go. It turns out that the trip had gotten off its itinerary, and the group had to take a slow, miserable boat ride to get back on the itinerary. If I had gone, I would have wound up wallowing in my own misery.

Holistic Method—In this method, I relax my mind, & imagine a conference of various parts of my self, & images of others affected by the decision. I imagine I am the moderator & all images are sitting around the table. talking about the decision from their viewpoint. If I'm not being unbiased, I take that biased part & add it as another member at the table. I try to get them to agree to the decision; they don't all have an equal voice. Friends that locked me out of meeting stated that they were not very punctual.

I imagined my conference table. My mind said it was a waste of gas & money. My spirit said, "Forgive & forget." My emotions expressed anger. My body noted various discomforts manifesting anger. My shadow advised, "Forget about them." Most of me wanted to return, but a part wanted revenge. I named this part "spoiled little child," & gave it a place at the table. It thought of "teaching them a lesson" & "never returning." "Sanctimonious self" thought of "Quakers having more important things to do than show up on time. Finally, I was able to let Agape overrule these parts of my self. My "sensible side" spoke up and suggested going on a day when someone was showing up early for committee or singing.

This method brings to light all aspects of my self. I find it very helpful to know what is going on in all parts of my self and then try to reconcile these aspects. This method reveals seldom-utilized parts of my self. I recognize them more easily, and I don't have to push away or repress them. Instead, I "hold it in the Light" or let Agape work with it. I allow Light and love to work in and through aspects like "the spoiled child." I have found it useful to make up visual images for the various aspects of my self at the conference.

Testing the Guidance: Reliable Tests—The amount of testing should depend on how significantly the guidance will change your life. Each time you practice and test discernment you become more proficient and get a better process and result. In the Bible, God doesn't seem to mind being tested.

Discernment Test Queries—How does guidance feel right in your relation to Agape? How will I feel diminished if I don't follow this leading? How am I living up to my true, authentic self? How does it feel like a burden has been lifted after you follow a leading? How are your peaceful protests done in Agape rather than anger? How is guidance in accordance with the Golden Rule? How is guidance a fruit of the Spirit? How persistent is guidance? How does guidance feel in your body? How are you mostly helping or hurting others? How are you integrating mind, heart, spirit, & experience? How are you uniting or dividing people? How can you wait for clarity more patiently? What is the collective wisdom of your clearness committee?
By consulting Agape, you can sense if the guidance rings true to your understanding and relationship with Agape. The Golden Rule is a good measuring stick; it can yield opposite results and still be a reliable test, if those applying the Rule want a different, positive thing. Understanding the motivation behind the decisions is important, as decisions coming from anger, fear, frustration, guilt, jealousy, hatred, or selfishness are probably not from Agape. A nun left her convent, because she couldn't perform her duties in a spirit of joy.
Jonathan Dale writes: "[The guidance] was quietly there again and again and again ... It never let me go ... It wasn't a command. It was an inward conversation which always ended with my being shown how my life style was inconsistent with my professed beliefs. It was infinitely patient and quietly persuasive ... The Light spoke to me and nagged me lovingly into something which I knew in my hearts of hearts that I wanted to do, however long my resistance. The nagging needed to be accepted ... [for it] to work creatively in us." [Sometimes your body's reaction to a decision defies careful calculations and statistics; trust your body]. If a decision does not produce a win-win situation, it may not be spiritual guidance from Agape; you should wait.
The holistic, "inner conference" method can help with discernment and be used to test your guidance. Spiritual guidance should help to unite all people. Patience is very important in discerning how you are being guided and allows you to see if the leading is persistent. Urgency is a mark of the ego, not Agape. Pope Francis says: "I am always wary of decisions made hastily, and especially of the 1st thing that comes to my mind If I have to make a decision ... I have to look deep into my self, taking the necessary time. The wisdom of discernment redeems the necessary ambiguity of life and helps us find the most appropriate means, which do not always coincide with what looks great and strong." The clearness committee will carefully listen to how you perceive Agape is guiding you and the committee will help you become clear on the best course of action. The clearness committee is not an inquisition. The careful selection of members of the clearness committee ensures that a safe supportive, and open discussion occurs; The clearness process works best if at least one member is skeptical.

Ambiguous Tests—The following [queries] and tests can be used to verify guidance, but they should be used with other tests and with caution, because they often yield ambiguous results.

[Supplementary Test Queries]—How is the guidance your passion? How is the guidance a cross to the will? What do dreams have to say? How do external events confirm or deny discernment of your leading? How is guidance logical? How does guidance seem right to others? How is guidance ethical? How is what you decide to speak or do: kind; true; necessary? How does it improve silence?

I don't agree with "Follow your bliss"; passion can cloud judgment & lead to extreme acts. You may be led to do things that aren't your passion. Passion & Agape's will together has incredible power. A "cross to the will" was often experienced by traveling ministers, who gave up their home life. Early Quakers walked the streets naked, in part because they didn't want to. Quakers began to question the reliability of a cross to the will as a test & they came to understand that individual discernment must be under the yoke of corporate discernment.

Dreams are a way Agape speaks to people. However dreams can be misleading. A dream may not be God telling me of God's desires for me, but rather my subconscious' desires for my self & fulfilling them in dreams. When I interpret dreams, I look at the feelings in the dream and then look at when I have these feelings in my normal waking life. How literal I take a dream varies. Dreams may be actual experiences in the spiritual realm.

If what you are sensing is Agape's guidance, external events will often begin to occur that reassure you and help you. Just because something is against the flow and hard doesn't mean it isn't a leading; don't confuse difficulty with necessarily being on the wrong path. When faced with the urge to do more in a given situation, in spite of advice that it "wasn't necessary," in most cases trust the urge, especially when it involves apologizing.

I co-owned a building ½-way between Earlham School of Religion (Richmond, IN), & Pendle Hill. I wanted to create a Quaker contemplative center in that building, & the thought came it could be ½-way both geographically & theologically. I thought I should talk to an American Quaker organization's administrator. Just then, such a person walked into the room. This felt like a leading & then a coincidence occurred. The administrator didn't respond, & I realized there was no persistent guidance about the building; I sold the building for a profit. What 1st seemed to be a leading confirmed by coincidence, was shown by continuing revelation to be something else.

I sometimes use a "pros/ cons" list, & put a numerical value on each item. I get a total of each column, & make a decision based on logic & math. However, often guidance seems not to be logical or practical. I brought azaleas to Pittsburgh Friends Meeting for everyone to enjoy; somebody took them. Following a nudge to call my friend Eliza, I discovered that someone from the deceased's family took mine along with the funeral flowers.

Another test is seeking the input of others, [i.e.] friends, spouses, & children. Sometimes a spouse will confirm one's leading before one has a chance to say anything about it. This test is ambiguous, for you often choose your friends because they think like you. [In the process of listening to them, you may miss the prevailing mood of those outside your immediate circle]. If the leading is unethical, & doesn't position me to look like a good person, then it probably isn't from the Spirit; ethics can give guidance that additional discernment is needed. "Before you speak, ask your self: Is it kind, is it true, is it necessary, Does it improve upon the Silence? Sai Baba.

Implementing the Guidance: Taking Baby Steps; Receiving Continuing Revelation; Outrunning the Guide; Taking a Zigzag Course; Accepting the Learning Process—Even in uncertainty, I can usually take small, simple reversible steps. Choosing a school can begin with visiting the campus, a clearness committee, and starting the application process. Quakers are open to "continuing revelation" and suspicious of certainty. The guidance is rarely final & more guidance will probably come as it finds a receptive listener. The mystical dimension of discernment is open-ended thinking. Resist the tendency to go further than your guidance, [e.g. by following a "logical course" beyond what your guidance has laid out for you. Sometimes following the path of discernment is like a sailboat tacking into the wind, zigzagging, but going generally in the same direction, or like a labyrinth, with frequent reversals of direction. Agape is looking for co-creators, not puppets. Mother Teresa said: "God calls us to be faithful, not necessarily to be successful."

Spiritual Disciplines/ Simplifying the Process—If we want a relationship with Agape, we need to spend time with Agape. Spiritual disciplines lead deeper into spiritual life & are necessary to build a close relationship with Agape. Trying to discern Agape's will is most successful when built on prayer, meditation, gratitude, devotion & faithfulness. What is the best spiritual practice for you? I have found a synergistic effect by combining different spiritual practices: meditation; prayer; examen; forgiveness; to do list (including rewards); observing my self; devotional reading; serving others; seeing God in nature; spiritual friendship; gratitude prayers.

I make daily meditation a priority; morning meditation comes before coffee. On hectic days I really need relaxation, efficiency, & centeredness. I pray-type into my lap-top; it keeps my mind from wandering & gives a record of what I've said; I pray better & more often. For examen at day's end, focus on how Agape was working, when you were most grateful, & least grateful. Sometimes one day's desolation can turn into a consolation later. .

I had a dream that I introduced to a friend a man whom I deeply resented; when I awoke, I was happy that I was polite & showed no resentment. I remembered that resentment keeps the wrong person up at night & that forgiveness is a gift I give myself. Forgiveness starts with forgiving myself for all my errors; realizing my mistakes means making it easier to forgive others. I write a "to do list," including a reward item, and ask Agape for input. I often imagine observing myself from a distance. As we work to study and practice discernment, discernment becomes simpler. Discernment is not effort, but surrender, awareness, and openness. When we are acting in love, of the Spirit, of Agape, of others, of ourselves, the decisions may not be as important.
Queries—Why is individual spiritual discernment important? How is discernment both a skill and a gift? What is the source of discernment? Why is corporate discernment important? How do I discern the way forward in my own life?

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444. The Gathered Meeting (by Steven Davison; 2017)

About the Author—Steve Dale Davison is a member of Central Philadelphia Meeting since 1986. [His education in religion and spirituality includes Rutgers University, School of the Spirit's course on Prophetic Tradition, & Pendle Hill. Steven has experienced the gathered meeting a number of times. Those experiences transformed his understanding of Quaker faith and awakened a calling to nurture such communion among Friends.

[Introduction]—[There are special times in worship] when an electric hush, solemnity, & depth of power steals over the worshipers. A blanket of divine covering comes over the room, & a quickening Presence pervades us, [breaking down our individuality], blending our spirits within a super-individual Life & Power & awakens us. The Burning Bush has been kindled in our midst, and we stand together on holy ground. Thomas Kelly

... a [gathered] meeting is one in which most members feel themselves united as one body in the Divine Presence. Such a meeting has a sense of timelessness and peace... William Taber (PHP #306)

The gather meeting is a profound interior experience of the mystical reality of the communion of worshipers with one another and with God in Love. Patricia Loring

The gathered meeting is the essence of the Quaker way, the fulfillment of an essential promise of Quaker faith, a distinctive gift we have to offer. In it we experience what we seek as a religious community. The sense of Presence can be awareness: of psychic presence of other worshipers, of a Gatherer, the consciousness of Christ, Mystery Reality, and joy. I focus on the concrete things we can do to experience this communion in our meetings more often. While some factors work against our gathering in the Spirit, we can do many things to help bring us into the Presence. It helps to prepare and practice. Direct experience of God as a community is one of our great gifts to the world, and provides the prospect of a vibrant, relevant, and growing Quakerism of the future..

The Gathered Meeting in Our Past ...—Gathered meetings began with the gathering experiences of Jesus' early followers & re-emerged with the Quaker movement's birth. At the original Pentecost, several 1,000's were converted to the Way Jesus taught with a manifestation of the Spirit. Jesus' baptism & the transfiguration are other examples of early gathered meetings. The 1st recorded gathered meeting in Quaker tradition was at Fir-bank Fell in 1652, when several 1,000's of Seekers were "convinced." Most likely, "gathered" comes from Matt. 18:20, "where 2 or 3 are gathered in my name, there am I in the midst of them." This passage is a scriptural foundations of Quaker worship. Early Friends seem not to have used the phrase "gathered meeting." The phrase came into popular use later, certainly by the late 1930's, early '40's when Thomas Kelly wrote The Gathered Meeting.

The Current State of the Gathered Meeting/ My Experience of the Gathered Meeting—Why have our meetings for worship become increasingly bereft of "gathered meetings." The decline in regular personal & family devotional life contributes. How many Friends spend Sunday morning preparing [their self] for worship? The gathered meeting lies at the end of a spiral of increasingly Spirit-led vocal ministry, which Friends no longer consider a sacred calling; our meeting rarely foster this sense actively. Some Friends feel our theological diversity and our attitudes toward this diversity hinder gathering in the Spirit. Not sharing a sense of where our center lies would tend to hinder our gathering. [We still have gathered meetings]. It is in the gathered meeting that we will receive the inspiration and direction to create the future of our movement. What happens in being gathered? How do we recognize the gathered meeting? At the consultation entitled "Quaker Treasure: What do we hold in trust together?

Quakerism's promise was fulfilled for me in the consultation's final 2 meetings for worship. 6 small groups had to reach agreement on queries within each group. On Saturday evening each group presented its collective "conviction" statement. With Jan Wood as our Spirit-led clerk, the whole group sought unity on our common Quaker treasure. [Our cultural and theological diversity, combined with different words and fears led to a long discussion before we could] listen to each other and the Holy Spirit. One Friend noted 4 things in common in all the statements: a individual and corporate call to a direct, unmediated relationship with God; continuing revelation and re-illuminating of God's self and scripture; a call to live outward lives in harmony with our inward truth.

At the consultation entitled “Quaker Treasure: What do we hold in trust together? Quakerism’s promise was fulfilled for me in the consultation’s final 2 meeting for worship. 6 small groups had to reach agreement on queries with each group. On Saturday each group. On Saturday each group presented its collective “conviction” statement. With Jan Wood as our Spirit-led clerk the whole group sought unity on our common Quaker treasure. [Our cultural and theological diversity, combined with different words and fears led to a long discussion before we could listen to other and the Holy Spirit. One Friend noted 4 things in common in all the statement: an individual and corporate call to a direct, unmediated relationship with God; continuing revelation and re-illuminating of God's self and scripture; a call to live outward lives in harmony with our inward truth.
We moved past the words and fears into unity and love. [Beginning with agreement in principle on the] 4 things common to each group, we were swept along until we ended up agreeing on all the answers that the small groups had brought forward. I felt gratitude for the unity, the joy, and the clarity about the essentials of my faith. In meeting the next morning, Jan Wood pointed out [the love present in our work]. She read Bible passages about love, connecting them to our work, pulling us deeper into God's love with each passage. The morning meeting felt more gathered than the one the night before. Some Friends felt Satan had seized the gathering [powerfully], that we had been led into untruth by the Adversary Deceiver. Thus I learned that a meeting can be gathered when not everyone shares or experiences the meeting the same way. From that gathering I received a calling to seek and to foster the gathered meeting in my local meeting and as a writer to a larger audience.
Qualities of the Gathered Meeting—In the gathered meeting, a community experiences direct communion with God. How do we know that it is Holy Spirit gathering us & not another spirit, perhaps even an unholy, deceiving one? Not everyone must share the experience, [only] "2 or 3." "By their fruits ye shall ye know" a gathered meeting," "Has it deepened your faith or brought you together? Has it raised up love in your hearts for each other? Gathered meetings fall on a spectrum. Whether it comes as peace or as soul-quaking transformation, we recognize it by its fruits. Gathered meetings are transcendental & concrete; mystical & practical. It is psychic bonding of worshipers; it is unity & knowledge [of presence], and incomparable joy.

Energy/ Presence/ Knowledge—In the gathered meeting I have felt truly awake, inwardly alive, fully charged & opened to the Life around me & within me. My head, especially, has felt like it was somehow pressurized, as though it wanted to burst, though not in a painful way; I have quaked.

Sense of presence has been strong, but most often is "generalized." I felt other worshipers' presence, only rarely individuals. There is extra power & depth that comes with the presence of [perhaps] synergy of the worshipers' & the meeting's consciousness. Sometimes a deeper Presence is in those depths. Thomas Kelly said of "group mysticism," "We know we stand erect in holy presence, & others with us are experiencing the same exaltation ... We are in contact with one another because we are communicated to & through by Divine presence." We are suffused with a fullness of mind, fulfillment of spirit and transcendental joy, united in co(m)-union.

We know Truth, a miniature of a more transcendent Truth that is deeper than what we are experiencing & yet one with it. This knowledge, [or knowing] feels like a lasting sensation of discovery & clarity of a life-changing "something" perhaps a dynamic, living, working Life, a touch of persuading Power & a need to share it.

Unity/ Joy/ Holy Communion—There isn't necessarily any content unless it is a gathered meeting for worship with attention to business. Through this content seemingly insurmountable obstacles to unity suddenly melt away, & knowledge of what to do comes. The Truth is drawn up from the Well, gathering all the threads of see-king together into a greater truth, & the meeting suddenly finds the way opened into unity of purpose. There is a sense of extra certainty & enthusiasm in the "sense of the meeting" that is arrived at. We each know the truth of that moment & its joy, & somehow we also know that others know & they know we do; we have found ourselves in unity and in joy. The knowledge transcends consciousness and individuality. It is a collective experience.

The energy, presence, unity & knowledge of gathered meeting inspires joy. Presence gladdens the heart. It awakens a unique kind of love for each other & God. God breaks down the middle wall of partition between separate personalities & has flooded us with fellowship. Patricia Loring writes: "Many glances search each other in awareness & affirmation of the intimacy & ineffability of the shared experience." Joy is the unmistakable mark of the gathered meeting & the corporate religious experience, a delightful knowledge & truth flooding the consciousness. A gathered meeting is a holy communion, a direct & inward experience of God's grace.

The Faith of the Gathered Meeting—I see 4 essential promises of Quakerism that came to light from that consultation's gathering: direct individual spiritual experience; direct collective spiritual experience (the gathered meeting); Continuing (constant) revelation; testimonial life (testimony give through our lives and actions). The gathered meeting affects our individual experience by: cementing our individual faith; renews our commitment; confirms our capacity to experiencing God's gifts. Continuing revelation is the gathered meeting bearing the fruits of the Spirit. The basic Quaker testimony and any new testimonies are the fruits of a gathered meeting or a series of gathered meetings. A gathered meeting confirms our faith that you can commune directly with the Divine, both as individuals and as worshiping communities; we have seen the promise fulfilled.

Seeking the Gathered Meeting—Seeking the presence of God in the gathered meeting should be a very high priority for our meeting communities. How do we bring our meetings to a level of spiritual fullness in which a gathered meeting isn't an uncommon experience? I believe having a critical mass of individuals who possess in themselves a certain spiritual depth makes a difference. These Friends are seasoned by regular immersion in the Spirit & personal communion with the Divine in their own devotions. A meeting should have a robust religious education program & a meaningful approach to spiritual formation. Members & attenders should have enough exposure to a range of spiritual disciplines to help them find a personal spiritual practice that works. [When enough Friends come to meeting prepared by home devotions earlier that morning], a critical mass can ignite a chain reaction toward deep collective communion.

Gathered meeting need to be familiar to & longed for by a significant number of the worshipers. In any meeting for worship, the gathering can come through a cascade of increasingly powerful vocal ministries; each offering carries us deeper into Peace. How will what I say draw us down & inward, deeper into the Well & closer to the Source? I deeply question myself if I want to refer to superficial affairs, outward events, or make a personal observation. Kelly writes: "When [vocal ministry] is truly spoken 'in the Life,' then when such words cease, the uninterrupted silence & worship continues, for silence & words have been of 1 texture, 1 piece." Elders, anyone who takes special responsibility for the spiritual health of the meeting & its worship, come early & come prepared. They help ready the meeting room spiritually for worship before other Friends gather. With the elders' own deepening as the meeting progresses, the way opens into the depths. Elders hold other worshipers in the Light, so that they may find the way that lies open. We can all take individual actions to deepen the meeting.

Individual Actions—The center-path is clearer when you've already traveled it recently. Come early; ["Pass your peace into the meeting space]. Pray for: those giving vocal ministry; those bearing a burden; the gathered meeting; God's presence. Pray to God. Develop attunement to Love's motions in you & to your fellow worshipers' spiritual needs. I like to focus on a person, or a section of the room, long enough to allow an impression of others' needs to emerge. Listen for that "still small voice" that might mature into a spoken message.

Try to commune with the meeting's angel. Attune to the meeting as a community, as a collective with character & personality. Seeking to apprehend this collective of which we are a part may strengthen our bond with the worshiping body & thus our bonds with each other. Express gratitude for the community's gifts. Gathered meetings are more likely when fewer worshipers disrupt the "settling in" by being late. It takes about 20 minutes for a human being to shed the world, & it takes several minutes between messages to fully absorb vocal ministry.

Actions the Whole Meeting Can Take—Sit close enough together so that you can feel each other's presence & no one feels left out. What aspects of your meeting foster or hinder a gathered meeting? Getting Friends out of isolated corners might make them pretty unhappy at first. Sitting close enough for our fields, our phermones, or whatever to do their jobs is necessary to meld limited little auras into a continuous cloud of spirit. The problem is getting worse as those meeting in spaces already too large are shrinking. My meeting has roped off some of the back benches, & that helps.

Architectural factors seem to make a difference: size, shape, bench configuation & comfort, "feeling." I urge meetings to discern how important "quantitative" factors might be for the spiritual quality of worship. Meetings in which worshipers regularly enter the meeting room late are common. Tardiness pushes back in time the centering & therefore gathering of the whole meeting. We are virtually incapable of solving tardiness; 1 possibility is holding latecomers until 10 minutes have passed. A certain level of knowledge in the meeting's workings creates a faith context for the gathered meeting. Those who have experienced gathered meetings should share their experiences, so that everyone in meeting can feel their joy, acquire their faith, & share their hunger.

Meeting for Worship with Attention to Business/ "The Greatest of These"—At the heart of the meeting for business is the gathered meeting experience. It underlies our listening, and [includes, a way of life that applies our thoughts, beliefs, and intentions to actions consistent with them]. Patricia Loring

[A business meeting is most likely to be gathered when it is remembered that it is worship, even in mundane moments]. Real & worshipful pauses need to be taken between agenda items. Have faith that faithful waiting bears fruit. A spirit-led clerk maintains the sense of worship by protecting silence between contributions, to give Friends time to recognize truth (or folly) in what was said. They choose who is to speak next by intuition, not just convention. All should be in some ways like a clerk, paying close attention to the Spirit's movement, & help lead the community into Truth & unity of Spirit; help & protect the clerk, even from the body of the meeting.

Perhaps the most important factor fostering a gathered meeting is love, because it connects people powerfully & we all understand it & possess it. If enough Friends focus on love, if enough Friends channel that love, silently or vocally, the meeting can't help but fall into the Heart. When a worshiper achieves a measure of love for someone they otherwise don't love, the meeting has been gathered in the Spirit. Then there is grace so that the meeting can be gathered spontaneously just like that, without regard to any prerequisites or effort on our part.

Final Thoughts: Gathered Meeting; Quakerism's Future—The gathered meeting is the distinctive form of spiritual nurture that we Friends can offer to those who seek real communion with God. The Holy Spirit's presence in gathered meeting will ensure that Quakerism remains a living, evolving religion; it is in this gathering. It is in the Christ-Spirit's gathering that we move forward. The gathered meeting's Spirit will most surely bring new souls to us, visitors who see that God [and God's vision] is working among us, and will want to join their hearts and souls and strengths to that vision. The Source's Well requires us to come with a cup, which is our attention and intention, preparedness and discipline, silence and attentive waiting.

I use the image of siphon. If I drop my mind-soul, already primed with a little Spirit into the Living Spirit's Well, when I draw upon that exhaustible Well, the Spirit will gush into me & pour out of me, until it has manifested in the world outside the meetinghouse walls in the awakened lives of our members. The gathered meeting is one of the great gifts we have to offer the world. If we lovingly enfold into our fellowship, into a gathered meeting, those who come to us, they will know who we really are. They will know what Quakerism is and what it has to offer them. We will have brought them to God, to the Mystery Reality within true & holy communion.
Queries—What happened at an especially valuable meeting and how was it important to you? What does "gathered meeting" mean to you? What was a gathered meeting like for you? How does an individual or a meeting prepare for a gathered meeting? How do you nurture your spiritual life or prepare for meeting for silent worship and worship with attention to business?
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445. Boycott, Divestment, and Sanctions? A Quaker Zionist Rethinks Palestinian Rights (by Steve Chase; 2017)

About the Author/ Pamphlet—Steve Chase is a long-time Quaker educator, activist, and writer. He wrote Pendle Hill Pamphlet #431, Revelation & Revolution: Answering the Call to Radical Faithfulness. He was Education Director & the 1st Online Education Coordinator at Pendle Hill. He is a member of the Quaker Palestine Israel Network. 2 sections of this pamphlet were adapted from previously published pieces: "Remembering a Forgotten Zionist Vision for Peace," in Friends Journal (April 2011), and "Is there Still Hope for Peace Between Israel and Palestine?" (Nonviolent Change, Winter 2011).

[Introduction]—Every Year,A Palestinian Quaker friend of mine goes back to Palestine to visit his family at Christmas. Recently, he was detained, strip-searched, jailed, interrogated, deported, & banned from returning; he was labeled a "security threat" to the State of Israel. My friend is an activist who supports efforts to secure peace, security and human rights for all the residents of Israel/ Palestine. [The interrogators focused on] his participation in the Palestinian-led Boycott, Divestment, and Sanctions (BDS) movement.

An influential Quaker activist named Bayard Rustin, regularly denounced the idea that Israel was "racist, facist, imperialistic, and the like." He rejected any connection between Israeli policy and South Africa's apartheid system. He saw Arabs as violent, anti-Semitic, would-be oppressors Israel and Jews. Rustin had an "historic and deep sense of solidarity with the Jewish people," and viewed "Israel as a progressive and democratic society." Who should I stand with now—my old Quaker activist hero or my Palestinian Quaker activist friend?

The Education of a Quaker Zionist—I was an ardent Zionist as a gentle, Quaker kid. I saw Zionism as a just response to anti-Semitism & the Holocaust. I learned of concentration camps & mass extermination of 11 million people, (6 million Jews). I also learned there was little safety from intense cruelty & evil, except what we create by peace & work. My mother told me how 1,000's of Danish Gentiles, & the Danish king, rebelled & engaged in a courageous act by publicly wearing Star of David armbands on their sleeves alongside their Jews. I recently learned this story is an "urban legend"; actually, the Danish king threatened the Nazis with that nonviolent civil resistance if they tried to implement an armband decree; this "legend" was powerful.

Many Bible stories aren't likely to be factual, but they offer deep, spiritual truths. The Danish story's truth is that people can be evil & cruel, but they can also be kind, just, & brave. We can choose to be the latter. Anything less is cowardice & complicity with oppression & injustice. For the teenage me as for Bayard Rustin, the State of Israel seemed like a real-life fulfillment of social justice principles so admirably embodied in prophetic Jewish tradition.

Later, I started to hear criticism of Israel's treatment of the Palestinians. The Palestine Liberation Organization (PLO) wasn't a believable critic. I was angered & didn't accept the UN resolution in support of the PLO. [I saw many of its supporters as racist, autocratic, & unjust]. [How can countries with imperfect, questionable records on racism, oppression, & injustice, effectively criticize another country's treatment of minorities]? The 1st crack in my [biased] view of Zionism began in my 20's; it widened in my 30's & 40's. Jewish friends coming back from Israel gave conflicted, disturbing reports, especially of right-leaning politics, militarism & human rights violations. Many Zionists, especially in Occupied Territories, were very racist toward Palestinians.

Around 2001, a Jewish friend gave me The Other Israel, a thick anthology of dissident Israeli & Jewish voices speaking against Israel's oppression of Palestinians. Shulamit Aloni, an ex-Israeli Knesset member writes: "Whoever claims Jewish settlements are Israel's catastrophe from a security & economic standpoint is ... a patriot. Whoever says this government commits crimes against humanity is ... honest & humane." How has heartfelt "support for Israel" become reduced to "uncritical endorsement of repressive measures used to enforce occupation of the West Bank & Gaza Strip?" What is the US's part in enabling oppression in Palestine?

New England YM's Faith & Practice states: [In] God's Kingdom on earth. Let us strengthen kinship with all. Let us ... [make] efforts to build social order free of violence & oppression, in which no one's development is thwarted by poverty & lack of health care, education, or freedom. Friends are advised to minister to those in need, but also seek to know the facts & causes of social & economic ills & to work for the removal of those ills.

Zionism through New Eyes: History—At its beginning in the late 1800's, Zionism sprang from Theodor Herzl's personal dream [to provide an escape from] European anti-Semitism, by resettling "millions of Jews in their Biblical homeland ... now home to another people." It was initially opposed by rabbis & Jewish leaders; by 1897 thousands of European Jews settled in Palestine; the 1st Zionist Congress was held in Europe. The need for post-Nazi/ Holocaust/ War Jews to find a way to feel safe & protected from anti-Semitism became a compelling issue. Zionism seemed a key element in reviving Jewish pride & culture after a horrendous genocidal trauma.

Martin Buber writes: "From the beginning, modern Zionism contained 2 [utterly] opposed tendencies." On one side were "Territorial" Zionists. From Zionism's earliest days, there were significant problems with how Eu-ropean Jewish settlers treated indigenous Palestinians. Zionist Ahad Ha'am reported that European Zionists "[thought] of Arabs as desert savages, donkey-like people that neither sees nor comprehends anything going on." In 1929, Vincent Sheean, a pro-Zionist American journalist reported on Jewish settlers. Noam Chomsky writes: [Sheean] found that Jewish settlers "had contempt [for Arabs] as 'uncivilized' ... whom some of them referred to as 'Red Indians' or 'savages,' & [stereotyped them as] 'doing anything for money ... Those indigenous people were 'mere squatters for 13 centuries' ... [The Arabs could be gotten out] by purchase, persuasions & pressure."

Some of the early Zionist colonist were astute enough not to be too public about their long-term territorial and economic objectives and avoided showing overt hostility toward Palestinians. Theodor Herzl wrote: "We shall try to spirit the penniless population across the border by procuring employment for it in the transit countries while denying it employment in our country ... [This must be done] discreetly and circumspectly."

The Israeli Historian Edward Said argues: "[However much] Zionism served ... the ends of Jewish tradition, saved the Jews as a people from homelessness and anti-Semitism, and restored them to nationhood, Zionism also collaborated with those aspects of the dominant Western culture in which it institutionally lived, making it possible for Europeans to view non-Europeans as inferior, marginal, and irrelevant." Territorial Zionists worked hard to encourage Europeans to colonize Palestine and then create a well-armed, ethnocentric Jewish state that would conquer, according to Said, "as much of Palestine as possible with as few Palestinian in it as feasible."

[Zionism through New Eyes: Spiritual Zionism]—Racist, colonial-settler perspectives weren't the only Zionist views. On the spectrum's other end were Zionists like Martin Buber & Judah Magnes, & organizations like Brit Shalom & Ihud. They supported immigration of at-risk Jews & of Jews seeking to renew a spiritual center for Judaism. Spiritual Zionism's core vision was a new state/ community whose citizens would include: new immigrants & refugees; indigenous Muslim, Christians, [pre-Zionist Jews] & Palestinians (i.e. a bi-national State of Palestine) before Zionists started immigrating in large numbers. It didn't require a Jewish majority. Buber foresaw war & the loss of Judaism's soul in creating a Jewish state or in displacing Palestinians. Zionism's creation of a State "is one of nationalism's cruder forms; it recognizes no master above national interests."

The Territorial Zionist movement built up the Jewish State of Israel through Great Power imperial support, permanently dispossessed 750,000 Palestinians of land, homes & businesses, & conquered & annexed most of the territory the UN designated as a Palestinian State. In 1937, David Ben-Gurion said: "The Arabs have to go; one needs an opportune moment for making it happen, such as a war ... The country is theirs ... they inhabit it ... we want to take away... their country [& move in] ... Only a state with at least 80% Jews is a viable, stable state."

"Plan Dalet" was a detailed military strategy for the ethnic cleansing of most Palestinians in captured territory; it was implemented in 1948. Later, there was rapid expansion of Israeli settlements in Occupied Palestinian Territories, & violent repression of Palestinians in the West Bank, Gaza, & East Jerusalem. These actions were deemed illegal by the International Court & major human rights organizations. Israel [ranks 100^th in population] & 11^th in military power, with over a 100 nuclear weapons; it is the world's 8^th largest arms dealer. Israel's lack-luster participation in peace talks, & militaristic policy toward Arab neighbors are consistent with longstanding Territorial Zionist strategy. Institutional & legal restrictions have made Israeli Palestinians 2nd-class citizens.

The Territorial Zionist vision is involved in building a "Separation Wall" annexing Palestinian land without adding Palestinians. Arnon Soffer, the Wall's creator, focused on the "Arab demographic threat." He states Israel's official goal wasn't peace & justice, but to guarantee "a Zionist-Jewish state with an overwhelming Jewish majority." Territorial Zionism seeks to achieve its goals by oppressing Palestinians & expropriating lands & re-sources. A Jewish friend said: "The previous suffering of oppressed people ... doesn't justify ... them [visiting] violence & injustices on another people..." Bayard Rustin was wrong about Israel/ Palestine's realities & dynamics.

The Persistence of Israeli Domination—Chris McGreal, Mideast correspondent for the Guardian, wrote about the economic,military, ideological, and diplomatic bonds between the State of Israel and apartheid South Africa. He wrote, "Many Israelis recoil at the suggestion of a parallel because stabs at the heart of Israeli individual and national self-image ... Some staunch defenders of Israel ... say that to discuss Israel in an apartheid context is one step short of comparing Israel to Nazi Germany." [Conscientious] Zionists are resistant to thinking of themselves as racists, violent settler-colonists, or oppressors of native Palestinians.

Many Zionists have come up with several moral justifications for oppressive action against Palestinians; their very existence poses a threat to a [nearly pure] Jewish state. The most delusional moral justification used was that [there was no such thing as indigenous Palestinians, assumed in] one of the earliest Zionist slogans: "A Land without a People for a People Without a Land. Another is to call all who oppose Israel's oppression and dispossession of the Palestinian people "anti-Semitic," [be they Palestinian or critics on the world stage].

Much of anti-Jewish sentiment that exists among Palestinians has some different historical roots than European anti-Semitism. It has been worsened by loss of life, liberty, & property at the hands of the Zionist settlers 1st & then Israel. This trauma has limited Palestinian's strategic wisdom & exaggerated the moral & practical value of armed struggle & reprisals. Mustafa Barghouti says, "Through decades of occupation & dispossession, 90% of the Palestinian struggle has been nonviolent ... the vast majority of Palestinians support this method. The violent minority & the Israeli government seem locked into a rigid pattern of military occupation, state terrorism, internal discrimination, & illegal settlements on the dominant side, while the subordinated side is locked into vengeful firing of rockets & deploying suicide bombers in crowded public places behind "enemy" lines.

Breaking the Impasse—Maxine Kaufman-Lacusta wrote Refusing to Be Enemies:Palestinian & Israeli Nonviolent Resistance to Israel Occupation, (2010). Over 100 Palestinians & Israelis interviewed have moved away from practicing or supporting violence. Kaufman-Lacusta listens carefully to Palestinians & acknowledges their many important experiments in nonviolent resistance. Palestinian activists she interviewed are highly critical of the Territorial Zionist movement's goals & successes from direct experience, & are easily able to understand what is hard for many Israelis, Jews, & Zionists to acknowledge. A new generation of Israeli historian has begun challenging many myths of Israel's founding & its ongoing treatment of the Palestinians. An increasing number of Palestinian activists are building on pioneering work of earlier Palestinians in questioning or rejecting armed struggle against the people and Israel, & experimenting with a wide variety of nonviolent alternatives.

Many Palestinians feel all of us are made in God's image; to harm this image is wrong. There is also the [realization] by Palestinian activists that armed struggle like other national liberation movements hasn't worked for Palestinians. They see the need for different resistance strategies to stop Israeli dispossession, occupation, & discrimination, & how violence undermines their moral position in the eyes of the world. Nonviolence & solidarity work better to undermine national & international support of denying Palestinian human rights & self-determination. A more sophisticated nonviolent resistance strategy that might achieve real self-determination.

Erica Chenoweth and Maria Stephan's Why Civil Resistance Works analyzes campaigns against repressive regimes. Nonviolent campaigns were nearly twice as likely to achieve partial or full success as violence is. Ghassan Andoni, co-founder of the International Solidarity Movement, saw the history and effectiveness of civil-based resistance in India, South Africa, the Civil Rights Movement in the US, and the potential in the Palestinian massive and mainly nonviolent resistance that started in 1987 and managed to turn the mighty Israel forces to useless. He saw how community-based nonviolent resistance panicked the Israeli occupation forces.

[Pamphlet author cites examples of the effectiveness of the 1st Entifada's nonviolent direct action tactics], "the sector of anti-occupation Israelis," [& the ineffectiveness of indiscriminate bombing]. Ali Jedda, a former guerrilla fighter with the Popular Front for the Liberation of Palestine, now holds a vision where both Israelis & Palestinians "can live together in real peace & equality" after the occupation is ended & a viable democratic state of Palestine is established alongside Israel. It isn't surprising that Israeli Jewish activists have little stomach for any more violence directed against their people after thousands of years of Anti-Semitism & the Holocaust. These Israelis have been able to break away from the racist, settler colonialist consensus of Territorial Zionism.

Taking a Closer Look at the Boycott, Divestment & Sanctions Movement (BDS)—Yonaton Shapira explains that once you know something's wrong, "There is another stage one to go through of 'What do I need to do?" Rabbi Jeremy Milgrom notes, "I'm interested in fostering a livable situation, [where] colonialist domination, structural domination has to give way to [a Jewish/ Palestinian] partnership." I want to do anything I can to help Israel & Palestinian activists create just peace in Israel/ Palestine." Maxine Kaufman writes: "Several interviewees of Refusing to be Enemies emphasized BDS's importance... It was [perhaps] ... the most important form of support for internationals to take up ... [Palestinian & Israeli interviewees] alike agreed with this viewpoint."

Omar Barghouti writes about BDS: "On July 9, 2005, ... Palestinian civil society issued the Call for BDS against Israel until it fully complies with its obligation under international law ... People of conscience in the international community have 'historically shouldered the moral responsibility to fight injustice, [as in South Africa ... [They are called to] impose broad boycotts & implement divestment initiatives against Israel similar to those used in apartheid South Africa." BDS's specific goals are: ending occupation & colonization of all Arab Lands occupied in 1967; dismantling the Wall; recognizing fundamental Arab-Palestinian citizens' rights in Israel; respecting, protecting, & promoting Palestinian refugees' right to return, as stipulated in UN Resolution 194. These address all sectors of the Palestine community, doesn't take a position on the 1- or 2-state solution, & creates the "on the ground" conditions to promote a just long-term settlement, regardless of which solution is used.

Mustafa Barghouti writes: Instead of allowing ourselves to become divided prematurely over whether to go for the 1- or 2-state solution, let us unify behind the common aim required to achieve: [planning] a strategy to fight occupation, apartheid, and racial discrimination." Nonviolent civil resistance is the best method of struggle moving forward. The largest Palestinian political factions have too often been addicted to the armed model of resisting the occupation. They ignore troubling moral and legal questions raised by indiscriminate forms of resistance that fail to achieve concrete and sustainable results.

Omar Barghouti writes: "Any violent ... strategy of resistance must be ... critically reassessed and transformed into a progressive action program ... More than 170 Palestinian civil society groups ... and grassroots organizations" have endorsed the Call; it is beginning to win support worldwide. There is nothing Anti-Semitic about promoting equal rights for Palestinians. Barghouti writes: "True fighters for peace ... support our 3 fundamental rights: return of Palestinian refugees; full equality for Palestinian citizens; ending occupation and colonial rule. Any group that supports any part of BDS are also our partners. The United Church of Christ and the Presbyterian Church USA have voted at their conventions to support key elements of the BDS campaign.

What About Friends?—Quaker Palestinian Israeli Network (QPIN), AFSC, & some monthly & yearly meetings have approved minutes supporting the BDS campaign. [Continuing their early tradition of serving as] "a prophetic minority" working for positive social change, Quakers also have a long history of being deeply engaged in the struggle for human rights, peace, democracy, and reconciliation in Israel/ Palestine. Friends could be a bigger blessing if it helped reframe the struggle for Palestinian rights into an international campaign focused on motivating the US and Israel to comply with international law, and support universal human rights for Palestinians and Israeli Jews. QPIN takes "a moral stand against the Israeli occupation of the Palestinian territory ... and will participate in public boycott actions and encourage all Quakers to join us in renouncing complicity."

As a longtime Quaker Zionist, this hasn't been an easy or quick journey for me to spend time listening to Palestinian voices of resistance, & to become more active in a BDS campaign. I suspect other Friends confront challenges similar to mine & have similar illusions to question when they turn their attention to the needed liberation of Israel/ Palestine from violence & injustice. This includes making changes to US foreign & military policy. We already know that people of faith can start on this journey of liberation & make the road by walking it.

It took time for Martin Luther King to embrace nonviolent economic direct action. [He had doubts about how ethical & Christian the bus boycott was, & wondered if immoral means could justify moral ends]. King ultimately rejected this reasoning as timid & unfaithful to Jesus' prophetic Jewish wisdom. [He came to see] boycotts, divestment, & sanctions as moral means of social change that hold hope for reconciliation [& new community]. Rereading King's "Letter from Birmingham City Jail," where he defended leading mass nonviolent action campaigns to achieve social justice, helped me see that I was missing the mark & needed to repent & change. I have joined QPIN, served on its political education committee, researched BDS, & written this pamphlet.

Mai Zaru, a 20-year old Palestinian Quaker, told the story of her 13^th birthday in Ramallah, when she was threatened by Israeli tanks, & soldiers entering her home with guns pointed at her family. As they shared birth-day cake afterwards, Mai's sister blurted out, "I hate Israelis!" Mai's mother quietly & firmly replied, "No, there will be no hate in this house." Mai's grandmother, Jean Zaru, writes: "We must work to find nonviolent ways of overcoming political, social, economic, ecological & religious violence & to [join all those] committed to fighting [dark] forces. In order to hope for justice & peace, we must work for peace." Dali Baum & Merav Amir urge us all to move "beyond public education, protest, & symbolic actions to using collective power & leverage ... to put effective pressure on Israel, to practice noncooperation & to target ongoing support for the Israeli regime." Taking this next step is a powerful, faithful application of what my mother taught me so many years ago.
Queries—How do you see Friends being faithful to the call "to help establish God's Kingdom on earth?" How do past injustices as experienced by a person, a community, or a people perpetuate themselves? What is the religious basis for nonviolent Palestinian struggle as you understand it? What nonviolent movement for social change have you participated in [describe it]? What is your response to nonviolent use of boycott, divestment, and sanctions; if discomfort, why? How can caring people from the US and other countries nonviolently bring about positive change? What has your experience with the Boycott, Divestment, and Sanctions Movement in Israel been like?
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446. Coming to Light: Cultivating Spiritual Discernment through the Quaker
Clearness Committee (by Valerie Brown; 2017)

About the Author—Valerie is an international retreat leader, writer, leadership coach, and Principal of Lead in Smart Coaching, specializing in application and integration of mindfulness in daily life. She's written The Mindful School Leader: Practice to Transform Your Leadership and School. She has studied and practiced in the Plum Village tradition since 1995 and ordained in the Order of Inter-being by Thich Nhat Hanh in 2003. Valerie is a member of Solebury Monthly Meeting of the Religious Society of Friends.

"I pin my hopes to quiet process & small circles, in which vital & transforming events take place. Rufus Jones

Introduction—Clearness committees aid in spiritual discernment. Pamphlets on discernment are: 305. Spiritual Discernment: Contexts & Goals of Clearness Committees (Patricia Loring; 1992) & 443. Individual Spiritual Discernment: Receiving, Testing, & Implementing Leadings from a Higher Power (Jerry Knutson; 2017). I wrote this pamphlet after seeing clearness committees' impact on non-Quakers in my retreats & workshops. It was 1st used in discernment of marriage & membership. Quakers affiliated with FGC, have been using clearness committees non-traditionally for personal discernment. I share personal experience of the clearness committee, brief history of it, my personal reflections, questions, insights on its appropriate use, & sample format of a clearness committee. There is an appendix of guidelines for open questions, touchstones, & queries. I use the word "God" for: Light or Seed Within; All Things; Energy of Compassion, Love, Understanding, & Peace.

Deepening Light: My Experience of Quaker Clearness Committees—I & my marriage partner participated in a clearness committee to discern our readiness for this step in our lives [in all its many dimensions]. 2 years later I was training in a 2-year facilitator program at the Center for Courage & Renewal in Seattle, WA with Parker Palmer. I was facing a crisis of vocation. I was moving slowly with many stops & starts, from a high pressure & unsustainable career as a lawyer-lobbyist for education and non-profits, to work that was unclear & undefined. Parker, 4 other facilitators-in-training, & I sat together in a candle-lit room for over 2 hours. We experienced: reverent silence; gently probing questions of the focus person; the group's rhythm; deepening of the focus person's experience; mirroring, affirming, celebrating; truthfulness & tenderness; a closing silence.

The Quaker clearness committee is a means of spiritual discernment, i.e. recognizing & understanding God's call in your life. Discernment is a pre-condition for faithful action. How is this of God, or not of God? Listen to that of God. Discernment is the practice of being attentive, being reflective, & being loving in order to determine what is truly from God, and what emerging patterns might bring you closer to God. Quaker faith and practice was founded on spiritual discernment and supports individual discernment with clearness committees.

George Fox believed in "standing still in the light," an invitation to become centered and grounded in the Light. The Light allows us to see our habits and shadows and causes us to examine how we are living. We begin to [lovingly] question consumption, time use, our reading, & relationships. Discernment arises from faithfulness, unfolding over time as you cultivate a spiritual landscape and relationship with God. You practice openness, attentiveness, forgiveness, and kindness inwardly and outwardly; it supports clarity and integrity of action.

... [Personal] Reflection: I held onto the fairy-tale beliefs of marriage: meet the right person; fall in love; marry & live happily ever after. Most of my day was work. I'd been running most of my life from home to college, to graduate school, to law school, to bar exams, to "dream" job, which was killing my soul and leaving me time-bankrupt. I was a closet meditator, to avoid losing credibility with my peers. I didn't know who I was, what I stood for, what was meaningful, how to share or love. I had to recognize this truth before I could change it.

Spiritual Discernment is grounded in the Quaker conviction of availability to every person of the experience and guidance of God, immediate as well as meditated. Patricia Loring

History of the Clearness Committee: an Overview—Early Friends emerged in the 1640's. They discerned through prayer, worship, & Scripture study, whether they had "clearness" in leadings or callings to faithful action. For contemporary Friends, clearness committees have developed so as to support Friends seeking clearness in discernment, offering a loving, supportive, & prayerful community in facing a challenge or decision. True communion with God & one another takes place at the center of our beings as we yield to the light. Early on, clearness committees determined that the couple had no other relationships in place. Now, it determines readiness to marry. In the mid-20^th century, these committees shifted to an uncodified & flexible form that could be adapted to a variety of uses & settings. Through worship & open-ended questions, the focus person is assisted in discerning God's presence in the concern, clarifying next steps, or considering new and unexplored options. [It is not a place for giving advice], but for the focus person to find their own personal truth and best course of action. In the 1970's, Young Friends of North America linked with Members for a New Society, a network of social activists. Clearness Committees were used as a secular process of decision-making.

As it has evolved, the clearness committee offers "a [spiritual] way back into community support and guidance at critical times in peoples' lives. Discernment is not finished when we make a decision. There may be no clear-cut answer at the clearness committee's end; there may be deeper questions, deeper searching [and researching] into where God is leading. It is a lifelong and daily practice to learn how to discern: How is an [inner experience a] leading, prompting, nudging from God or my own contributions of thought & imagination?

Quakers believe in communion with the Divine, the Light Within, & commit to living lives that outwardly attest to this inward experience. Light and Seed refer to the reality for Friends of God's presence within us for the healing and wholeness of all. The right conditions of "soil," "temperature," "light," and "water," nurture the seed's growth, [break through its hard shell and spurs growth] from the darkness of the soil into the light.

Discernment is a gift from God, not a personal achievement. Sometimes discernment may be a sense of realization without the need for any specific action. Your understanding or point of view may shift & that may be enough. A discipline of faithfulness frees us from deep attachment to our leadings' outcomes, which makes us less sensitive to guidance. Awareness of, & [not attachment to] our thoughts & feelings, desires, fears, responses to people, places, and events, are all occasion in which we create a unique relationship with Truth.

... [Personal] Reflection: I became a lawyer before I knew who I was. I was able to make great legislative achievements and help many people. There was a high price emotionally, relationally, spiritually and physically.[In the beginnings of my] shift in career, I flew into a rage [at the slightest provocation]. I sat down with my self to figure out what was happening to me. I realized I was moving into a vast uncharted and unknown territory of my soul and aligning my self to something deeper. I was learning to trust the Truth within me, and allowing my self to be an instrument of God. I was [no longer] following an outward trajectory or external signal, but instead an inward motion, an imperative I could hardly articulate or understand.

"Deep Calling Under Deep": Key Words of the Clearness Committee—The following words are particularly relevant for the clearness committee process. Waiting, as used by Friends is both "passive/ responsive & active/ responsive." Howard Thurman says that waiting isn't inactivity. He writes in poetry: Over & over questions beat in the waiting moment./ As we listen, floating up through all the jangling echoes of/ our turbulence, there is a sound of another kind—/ A deeper note which only the stillness of the heart makes clear." Watchfulness refers to an "inward attention on our condition, with sensitivity to the Spirit's little hints & motions.

Gathered is a term Friends use to describe being fully present [in community], truly listening while waiting, with expectation that God's presence can be discerned, & with the mind oriented to the Spirit's power. Friends expressed inward experience in terms of Feeling, "knowing without words, a pre-conscious realization." Feeling clear means one had a clear sense of needing to begin or end an action. Quakers believe God's guidance can be felt. There are no clear guidelines to knowing whether to trust feelings when seeking clarity. Daily spiritual practice, such as prayer, silence, stillness, rest, renewal, meditation, & body-centered practices like yoga or tai chi, can broaden & deepen self-awareness, which enables you to recognize your Inward Teacher's voice.

... [Personal] Reflection—In my clearness committee experience, I felt the truth of a living God's presence,the sense of expectant, active, watchful waiting, silence's power to illuminate the darkness. I understood the need to inwardly sense feelings, of separating the Inward Teacher's guidance from distractions & impulses.

Key Elements of the Clearness Committee—The key elements of clearness committees are: Every person has an Inner Teacher, an inner source of wisdom—There are no "external authorities on life's deepest issues, there is only the authority that lies within each of us, waiting to be heard." The Clearness Committee's function is remove the interference to hearing one's inner authority and deepest truth. There should be no sense of letdown if the problem isn't solved. A good clearness process does not end; it keeps working long after.

Double Confidentiality—Committee members will not speak with each or the focus person about what happened.

Open honest, questions, not giving advice or attempts to fix things—Questions should be "authentic, challenging, open, loving questions so the focus person can discover their own agenda without imposition of anyone else's. They help move the focus person to new insights, new ways of thinking about a dilemma.

Guidelines for asking honest, open questions are: A honest, open question is one that doesn't assume knowledge of an answer. It is not based on assumptions that come from interpretations of what we see. It doesn't contain your own opinions or advice. Ask questions about the situation's inner realities as well as the outward facts. Ask questions aimed at helping the focus person explore their concern rather than satisfying your own curiosity. Trust your intuition and ask the "off the wall" questions if it is an honest, open question. Wait on the questions you're not sure about. Allow silence between questions. You can ask a follow-up, clarifying question. Don't ask a third question in-a-row. The best questions are simple & straightforward, but not yes-no or right-wrong answers.

The combination of silence and open questions got me out of my well-rehearsed scripts [in a way] that allowed me to say something fresh and new. I felt privileged at being heard so deeply. Committee participant

For many, refraining from advice is challenging because it "violates the ordinary social use of verbal interchange to display one's self & assert one's ideas. The clearness committee is highly counter-cultural; its members may not make statements or suggestions. It is a space for deep dialogue between focus person & soul. Members create the space & leave it open, free of their curiosity & non-verbal cues. The use of silence to open and close the committee, to punctuate questions, & to gently invite the process is also counter-cultural. Honest self-reflection will be needed to find how to stay true to one's temperament while finding how to authentically speak one's truth with love and respect; silence should be viewed as an additional, essential member of the group. The pace of questioning & answering should be spacious, relaxed, gentle. The focus person may answer, or may decline to answer for any reason or no reason. A question asked at the beginning of the meeting often may touch unassimilated, fresh, or tender feelings. At the meeting's end, any notes taken are given to the focus person.

"When we listen with our heart, we allow reality/ of things to touch us below our identity. When we listen/ below our identity, who we-are is in-formed (formed inwardly)/ by the depth & breadth of things." Mark Nepo

The process is intuitive, non-hierarchical, & grounded in the Quaker testimony of equality, with everyone equally precious to God, with some measure of gift to share. Deep listening [i.e.] to listen another's soul into a condition of disclosure & discovery may be almost the greatest service any human being performs for another." Douglas V. Steere. Our everyday listening [anticipates and] is selective, shallow, and mentally absent. Committee members are at best inwardly attentive, fully present, aware of God's presence, and gathered. They are open and receptive, honoring natural pauses and deep silence.

... [Personal] Reflection: I learned about listening the hard way, [which I] don't recommend. [Not listening and having] the answer before the question was asked was the reason for my divorce. [I had a pouncing cat's style of listening,impatient for the chance to counsel, advise and fix. [Summarizing editor's Addition—I learned to "listen" (be attentive) with: mind (for truth); inner eye (for clarity); voice (seeking wisdom); heart (seeking peace); gut (seeking justice); bowels or chakra base (sharing song and healing)].

When to Use the Clearness Committee—How do you [find &] take the way offering the fullest opportunity for using your gifts in God- & community-service? What am I here to do; am I in the right place to accomplish my vocation, & follow my calling? What do you plan to do with your wild & precious life? What is its meaning & purpose? What needs forgiveness & healing in your life? When you imagine the end of your life being near, how do you imagine spending the time left to you? What is enough? Where do you place self-care in relation to doing good for others? [When am I being self-indulgent]?

Comments—There are times when our plans have gone awry. Too often at these times, the inclination is to go it alone. The clearness committee is ideal for these situations. Our "aliveness" depends on discerning what we are going to do with our life. Questions of the meaning & purpose of life are both deeply personal & paradoxically universal. Often relationships with people closest to us are those most in need of healing. Unresolved family wounds cut deeply, can leave generational scars, & call for healing forgiveness & reconciliation. Life stages present opportunities to define & reassess values, expectations, objectives, and unfinished plans. [We need to avoid] an unsustainable and over-committed pace, [with too little self-care]. Work and rest must be balanced.

A Sample Format for a Clearness Committee—To prepare for a clearness committee, participants are encouraged to develop skills that support inward reflection & awareness [e.g. slowing down, paying attention [& examining] mental, physical, emotional and spiritual states, sitting quietly, reading and reflecting, resting prayer, being in nature. I begin the clearness committee work by introducing the Touchstones, guidelines designed to create safe space within group. I recommend to the groups that they discuss the Touchstones & use them.

The Touchstones are: give and receive welcome; be present as fully as possible [with your whole self]; sharing is voluntary; speak your truth while respectful of others' truth; no fixing, saving, advising or correcting each other; respond to each other with honest, open questions; replace judgment of others with "wondering why"; all participants need to attend to their own inner teacher; trust and learn from the silence; observe deep confidentiality; accept possibility of getting what you need from the group, seeds that will keep growing.

The focus person should select 4 or 5 trusted people to serve as committee members, [and perhaps a qualified acquaintance. A timekeeper should be selected, someone aware of the timing of the process, but willing to trust & not interrupt the process at crucial moments taking place outside of alloted time. The focus person's preferences in arranging the meeting space should be consulted. It is possible that the focus person may not have thought or energy to give consideration to space arrangement.

Timeline for the Clearness Committee—[The focus person chooses a length of silence to begin the meeting]. Then, the focus person describes their concern, or dilemma (15 minutes). Committee members ask questions grounded in deep listening. Notes are taken to recount the focus person's journey. Silence is allowed to be a group-member, & to do the heavy lifting (90 minutes). In the meeting's last part, the focus person is offered the options of members mirroring what they heard, or asking more questions. Mirroring is reflecting back what was heard. It isn't members offering assessments of what they heard (10 minutes). The meeting ends with the clearness committee celebrating & affirming the focus person. For some focus people, accepting affirmations of committee members is the most difficult part of the process. Silence ends the meeting (5 minutes).

Any debriefing should take place several hours later, or the next day. All committee members should comment on their experience of the process, not about the substance of what was said. The focus person should not be engaged in conversation unless they invite it. The clearness committee is transformational and foundational for [any] work in world. The gathered community is an unstoppable power; it unites. The human story is about small intimate gestures in small circles of people, speaking and listening deeply; it is about the largeness of love. The clearness committee is, at its heart, about the mystery of personhood and of God's call in our lives.
Queries—What are daily disciplines & practices that help you be attentive to the "still, small voice" within? What happened when you were drawn by a "true leading," & what do you notice? How do you remain alert to underlying patterns, beliefs, assumptions, expectations & how they influence you? What captures your attention, negatively, or positively, & how does this affect you? What concern would you bring as a focus person? What does it mean to you to be "clear?" Where do you feel a lack of clarity?
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447 Living in Dark Times (By Rex Ambler; 2017)

About the Author—Rex Ambler is known for his search to experience & understand the Light & the workshops he developed & material he wrote to share his discoveries. He taught theology for over 30 years at Birmingham University, & travels a lot to teach Quaker meditation or how to set up "Experiment with Light" groups, which use early Friends' writings & practices to facilitate self-discovery & inquiry.. 2 of his books are: Light to Live by: An Explanation in Quaker Spirituality; (2002, 2008); & The Quaker Way: A Rediscovery (2013). His other Pendle Hill Pamphlet is The Light Within: Then and Now (#425; 2013).

[Introduction]—For a long time, perhaps for a century, we could rely on widespread support for Quaker concerns in the world. Now, the world is changing, and that confidence that we can make a new world is beginning to wane. There are very big forces in the world, which are getting bigger and stronger, making the world less free, less equal, and less peaceful; these forces have their own growing momentum. We are beginning to have doubts. What are we to do when people stop listening and politicians turn their attention to gaining and keeping power? Mutual respect and trust is fading.

"Dark times" indicate: hardship; frustration; anxiety; and deep puzzlement as to what is going on. Even those in power seem to have this problem. If we believe that institutional leaders are not telling the truth, our unease will deepen, and our mood will darken. We have had dark times before, but not in our memory, & we doubt our ability to make a real difference or see hope for the future. Hannah Arendt writes: "It was by no means visible to all ... but was covered up ... by highly efficient talk and double-talk of nearly all official representatives ... who ingeniously explained away unpleasant facts and justifiable concerns ... We have to take the "establishment's, the "system's" camouflage into account. [The tools of] the public realm [are meant] to throw light on men's affairs ... Darkness has come ... and now speeches and exhortations are being used to sweep it under the carpet, and [false preservation of] old truths [instead] degrades all truth to meaningless triviality."

[Brexit and the Global Crisis]—The British referendum to leave the European Union (EU) was our generation's most important decision. Yet the public discussion [degenerated] into a crude slanging match between parties; ins vs. outs. The EU was a peace project and it worked. It had to do with more than just trade; it included more justice and overcoming poverty. It turned into an almost exclusively capitalist & economic growth project. We are sharply divided between those wanting wealth and those wanting security. The "wanting" is intense and overrides everything else. Wealth and security are the idols our society worships. We have walked blindly into a disaster; we are in the dark. How do we live in a world we no longer understand? How can we as Quakers make sense of what is happening? What new responses do we need to come up with?

I was born and bred in dark times, at the center of WWII. Only with the war's end & beginning of reconstruction in Europe did I feel hope for the world. The '50's, '60's, & '70's were times of growing hope. But then in the '80's things stalled, and then started coming undone. The global crisis echoed crises in my personal life, [and sparked] a quest to look more deeply into the spiritual roots of these problems. I encountered the political Green Party, Gandhi [in research], psychotherapy, and Early Friends [again, in research]. I struggled to understand 17^th century Friends [and their dark times], which they eventually found a way through. I offer my understanding in hopes that it will enable you to make a new connection with founders of our faith and their great discovery.

Advice from William Penn—It was William Penn who enabled me to see the world in a new way and see how we might mend it. In the preface to his advices, Some Fruits of Solitude, he urges us to step aside from the world and take an honest look at it, [so as not to] be swept away by illusions and distractions of the world.

We understand little of God's works. We misunderstand what knowledge & education is. [We misuse] affection, [& indeed] our whole life, making a burden that which is given for blessing. We [misunderstand] happiness ... Until we ... stop, & step a little aside out of the noisy crowd & the hurried burden of the world, & calmly look at things, it will be impossible...to make right judgment of our [self], or know our misery. [When we do], we shall think the world [mostly] mad, that we have been in Bedlam, [an insane asylum] all the while.

In 17^thcentury England, "treatment of mental illness was by isolation in the family's bosom ... or by being in St. Mary's of Bethlehem mental hospital [otherwise known as Bedlam]. Its inmates furnished a spectacle to Londoners." For Penn it was a metaphor for how the world really was. People weren't in their right minds, thinking clearly, or feeling appropriately. The world's fundamental problem was [disturbances] deep in people's minds. Penn doesn't seem fazed by this crazy world; he can accept it for what it is. He can detach from mad talk & turbulent feelings that [blind] people & see things as they are, using retirement & solitude, which make detachment possible.

[Deeper Attention, Insight and Wisdom]—When people sit quietly and are able to stop thinking and imagining, they will be open to a much deeper kind of attention that will give them the insight and wisdom they need. Then they will have the clarity and sanity to see what is going on in the world. They will see the madness for what it is, recover a sound state of mind and see their self and the world more clearly.

Penn gives advice to his children to "retire into a pure silence, from all thoughts and ideas of worldly things" before they get dressed and "before you close your eyes": "Rather meditate than read much. For the spirit of the man knows the things of a man, [Meditating on] the tempers and actions of men ... in the world ... and your own spirit, you will have a deep and strong judgment of men and things ... You have a better spirit than your own, in reserve for a time of need, to pass the final judgment in important matters."

What is happening all around us, even in our own personal lives, cannot really be understood by our normal conscious minds. [In our conscious state] the more important issues of life, [the deeper realities], elude us. The really important issues of life are deep within, at least in part. Both objective observation of what people are doing and the subjective observation of what is happening in me, in us are required; one depends on the other. Penn also wrote: God, having given them a sight of their self, they saw the whole world in the same glass of truth, and sensibly discerned the passion and affections of men, and the rise and tendency of all things."

In their 1st experience of God's Light Quakers discovered that they weren't what they thought they were. Thinking had been distorted by the self, the posturing ego. When they stopped posturing, the Light of God within them showed what was really going on. [Penn]: "Of Light came sight, of sight came sense & sorrow, of sense & sorrow came amendment of life." If the Light of God in them is like a mirror, then it can be turned slightly to see the world as it really is & "sensibly discern passions & affections of men," behind rhetoric & appearance.

Get Back to Reality—I learned from Fox that to go deep into my life, contrary to meeting for worship's free-ranging openness to all that comes, I had to be focused on what was disturbing my conscience, & disciplined in paying attention to the concern & the reality [surrounding it, without all the] thinking, fantasizing, [& assuming I added to it]. In a personal relationship, I wasn't being totally truthful, & rows would suddenly erupt. I was afraid things would only get worse if I spoke my mind. I meditated & allowed the whole situation to become apparent to me, without judging it or trying to make sense of it. Words came to me from I don't know where: "Be real." I now knew what I had to do to make amends. I became more real; the relationship became more real.

I gained confidence in applying the meditation more widely. I visited Israel and Palestine in 2008. I could not understand [both sides continuing in the same, futile, antagonizing tactics]. I realized my own need for security and belonging was obscuring my view. Focusing on my need to make a difference meant I wasn't properly focused on the needs of people in need of help. The media provides essential help; they also inevitably distort the complex reality, if only to make it more intelligible [or "newsworthy]."

In meditation, I saw myself in a hall of mirrors, [seeing the "reality" as a reflection of a reflection of a reflection]. When asked for advice by Palestinians in the 1930's, Mahatma Gandhi sent someone there, saying: "I can't entirely believe what I am reading in the papers. Go ... see what's really happening, then come back and tell me. The truth about young Israelis was more complex than we 1st thought, as a couple acknowledged to me that some Arab animosities might have been provoked by Israel's defense of itself. We gained more truth by face-to-face conversations. We have to let go of preconceptions about the situation, especially when they involve our sensitive egos. There is deeper wisdom in us, beyond conscious thinking, that is able to put our sense of self into a wider perspective.We have to be open to being led and guided; humility is essential.

Mind the Oneness—We don't like reality. Or, not "very much reality." We prefer images & stories of our self that make us more acceptable to our self & others. [Radical change sends a blast of unpleasant reality our way]; people get hurt; someone dies; we are rejected. We have the choice to turn our backs on reality or to face it, to reconnect with reality & with our own deepest selves. We may come to see the world as a very dark place.

Here we need to be patient. George Fox writes: "In the light that shows you this, stand, neither go the right hand nor the left; here patience is exercised ... thy will subjected; & thou wilt see mercies of God made manifest in death ... The 1st step to peace is to stand still in light." Ambler's [reaction to this Fox quote is]: "This is ...when your ego will be brought down, where in what seems like death, you will experience the forgiveness of God."

I meditated on 9/11[/01], [& reached progressively deeper levels of understanding]. I was upset by the at-tacks. I was upset by the response to the attacks, seeing them as a declaration of war, a War on Terror, with the "Terror" being linked to Islam. Just as Western leaders were demonizing Muslims, I was demonizing Western leaders, After many meditations, I had thought that the world was "out there," waiting to be changed. My "job" was to understand the world & help make a difference in it. [At a deeper level], I was given to see, this conflict was not independent of me. I cannot influence the world's response to this conflict, as if from the outside; we are the world. It doesn't make for peace or mutual understanding to objectify the world; it generates struggle.

I realized that, in asking what Western leaders were doing, I am projecting onto those leaders aspects of my self I don't like; [all the "badness" could be somewhere other than in me]. [Ambler offers a Modern English translation of what George Fox said about this process: "I could see what they were doing, priests & their people as they ... [vehemently] denounced Cain, Esau, Judas, & other wicked people ... mentioned in [the Bible]. They failed to see characteristics of ... [wicked people] in their self. Priests & others would [point &] say "They, they, were bad people, putting it off from their self ... Some of them came to see into their self ... & say, "I, I, I, it is I myself that have been Ishmael, Esau, etc. When these people ... came to thoroughly search their self with Christ's light, they would see quite enough of those things in their own lives ... I & we are found in this condition."

I knew I would want to look again at what the big powers were doing out there in the Middle East, but 1st I had to untangle this war going on in me, which I now recognized was part of the larger picture. I was not over come with remorse. When I accepted I found myself accepted, embraced by the larger reality to which I belong. As I acknowledged my part in the dark ways of the world, that I was part of the problem, I felt affirmed rather than condemned. The world was askew and I was askew, and that's all right. That's the way the world is.

The world is 1 great, creative, ongoing event; we are all part of it. We are called to provide the help needed where we are. We are always able to help, to be part of the healing, reconciling process already at work. That's the deeper reality, the hidden oneness, below the conflicts & confusions of the world. Tapping into this reality we can engage consciously in realizing oneness. The real struggle is a spiritual one, not a political one. The struggle is to "mind the oneness," & affirm the oneness against every denial & suppression of it; that is faithfulness.

Trust the Light—Penn's 1st advice was to "stop, step aside" & take a long, cool look at what is going on, in the world out there & in us. This way we can center our self, get in touch with reality, feel the ground under our feet. Then we can make deeper connection with the world that we now feel fully a part of. "True godliness doesn't turn men out of the world but enables them to live better in it, & excites endeavors to mend it." The world isn't just a madhouse; it has lost a sense of itself. It's a remarkable creation of life & being; we are a part of it. We can cherish it & love it. When we see our self as part of the world, embraced by it & God who is behind [this truth], this remarkable world/event, we feel safe & confident. All we have to do is live according to that truth & act on feelings of love toward those we share the world with. We can't know the whole world. If we have our eyes open to God's Light, we can see this patch of light immediately in front of us and know where to go

I was trying to meditate in the middle of the night once, when I noticed specks of light bobbing up & down in woods outside my window. People were walking in the woods, with lamps attached to their heads, which lit up the small patch ground in front of them. When applied to the world's darkness, this image reminds me that we have to make sure our lights are switched on & focused on the path immediately in front of us. We began this journey when we sensed we were walking in the wrong direction. What we do will depend on what we see in front of us, & how we feel about it. It will be good to pay attention to the facts of our situation, our known gifts, & to the friends around us, all of which can give us clear discernment of what we are called to do, our leading.

We may think a more [individual], personal response to things, based partly on feeling or intuition, is going to be ineffective in the larger scheme of things. Living in response to the world as you experience it affects people at a deeper level. People will notice & be affected. Your life will bear witness to this reality of human life, which everyone is aware of somewhere deep inside, but can't quite recognize or accept. They may not altogether like what they're feeling; they may back off & think, "I don't want to go there." Your lived witness may resonate within them & evoke a deeper awareness. Your testimony as Fox said, "will answer that of God in everyone."

[Testimony: Witness to Reality & Leadership]—Testimony is bearing witness to reality, the reality of lives as human beings. Quaker testimony's point is that by living a certain way, we enable people to see how they live. Their spoken testimony is close to that given in a court of law: someone bearing witness to what they knew to be true from experience, when others might not have been in a position to know. Society needs testimony as desperately as do the courts. Living out their truth by [not swearing or using violence] was their most effective way of communicating. They lived in such a way that other people would be moved [to see new possibilities].

In that way Quakers were able to reach the most dangerous & destructive people of their time. Having recognized darkness in their self, they could recognize it in others. They came to discern "affections & passions of men, & the rise & tendency of things." There were people who did evil things, who weren't evil, because they were not truly aware of their self and their world [and did evil as self-protection]. People today are acting out of ignorance and fear; they were not being [their true self], but a false self;[they need awakening to their true self].

Our testimony, lived out fully & bravely, might help them come to realizing true self. Coming to self-awareness is a deep and mysterious process. We can only trust that what has woken us to reality is secretly at work in them. There will be few tangible results that we can point to as evidence for our radical approach. We have to rely on our and community experience as to the reality of the world, and how to "live better in it." We gain this confidence when we have the courage to go deep and the faith and trust to share the understanding we gain with one another. Reality is certainly not as we normally understand it. We have to trust something invisible and in-tangible. Our way of life is bound to go against the grain of society that understands only ideas and ideologies as a means of control. [This "control"] is surely one of the forces that provokes fear, insecurity and rage. We have to be brave to live truthfully and honestly in such a world. We have to be humble, faithful and bold.

Afterword—Even with this Light of God we don't understand everything; we don't see the whole picture. There are forces in the world & in us too deep & mysterious for us to grasp. Who understands why people do evil? Why is it so hard for us to accept reality? Why do so many people have to suffer? Who can square God's love as we experience it in our self & our Friends with what happens in the world or our life? We are called on to humbly accept the darkness along with the light, what is given for us to know & what is given us not to know. We are called on to trust that we are given enough light to live by. "Live up to the light thou hast, & more will be granted thee" (Caroline Fox). We are more able to accept what we can't properly see, to accept the whole of the reality [we can see &] in which we live, with its light and its dark, its good and its bad.

When I embrace the situation as it presents itself, I am free to act, indeed, empowered to act. The power is in the truth I embraced. We can even embrace the suffering. How can we accept the suffering of thousands or millions of people in war or oppression or famine? In the sense of trying to alleviate or prevent the suffering, we don't & can't accept great evils. We have to accept that suffering is built into life, a part of the [mysterious] scheme of things that makes life possible. Our care & the process of healing or restoration gives meaning to pain, which doesn't disappear, but is supported & held by love that can embrace it & the good it makes possible.

When we are hurt, the loving embrace of family or friend seems to take away pain. It is important to feel pain if we are to give it the care it needs; that care inspires us to help. Numbing our self against the pain is all too common now in a world that wants to live without it. Suffering & death are experiences that give us the compassion to feel for others. It seems we are adding to pain when we look at it head on & accept it [unconditionally]. If we do embrace it, it becomes less painful. When you accept your faults & failings with total openness & honesty in God's presence, you find you are accepted, held & embraced. Embracing suffering & death, is accepting life; life responds. My wife died suddenly 2 years ago. The pain & shock were unbearable. But they released new energies & insights in me, which I don't think I would ever have known otherwise. William Penn writes: "Love is the hardest lesson in Christianity; but for that reason, it should be most our care to learn it."

Queries—How would you describe the present world situation? What is William Penn's advice for seeing the world in a different way & being able to change it? Why do we need to know our self before we can understand what is happening in the world? How do our own needs for "security & belonging" obscure our view of what is happening? What has been your experience of facing and acknowledging faults in your self? How is "the real struggle" we face "a spiritual one, not a political one?" Why is it important to experience and accept suffering, and how can this acceptance be positive?

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448.The Inner Guide vs. the Inner Critic: Journey from Judgment to Love (by

Christine Wolff; 2017)

About the Author—Christine Wolff is a member of Framingham in MA. She has been involved with Friends for about 40 years, beginning with an American Friends Service Committee work project. She has been a psychologist during that time, and is a student of the Diamond Approach, a merging of psychology and spirituality. She has studied Buddhist meditation and other schools of psychology.

[Introduction]—The Guide says, "Be my voice in the world—stand up & speak." The Critic says, Sit down. No one wants to hear what you think." The critic may come up with a paranoid scenario of consequences that will befall me if I speak. How do we find courage to step out of consensual reality in order to follow an unseen inner guide? I have become aware of the critic's role in the spiritual journey through the Diamond Approach. The critic was often in conflict & confused with the Inner Guide, which helps discern right action. This pamphlet integrates Quaker, psychotherapy, & Diamond Approach thought, & includes personal experiences & suggested exercises. Psychology can add to our ability as humans to embody spirituality in our daily lives.
It came to me that our personalities are like boxes surrounding us, blocking access to Divine Love and Light. The spiritual journey shows more openings in the boxes until they become very porous, allowing more light and access to that loving presence. The inner critic seeks a solid box for what it thinks of as safety.
What is the Inner Critic?—I see the inner critic as a part of self that assumes it is an authority on right & wrong; it is judge. It points out mistakes, & makes you feel like a bad person. [e.g.] Don't ask such stupid questions; You haven't accomplished anything. The critic thinks like the child we were when it originated. If we aren't wonderful we are terrible. It compares us to everyone else. It is our inner child's inflexible version of our parent's standards. Everyone has one. It is a question of how much influence it has. My critic took part in this writing process. A still, small, voice keeps nagging me to finish. What is the difference between the critic & the Inner Guide?
The voice of the critic is sometimes quiet or we are only partially conscious of it. The critic keeps us feeling small, isolated, and unworthy, lacking in faith. It is difficult to sort out the difference between our critical projections onto others and reality, because we tend to believe what our minds tell us. Many of us grew up feeling that love depended on being whatever our parents valued most. We may have been disciplined in unhealthy ways. Being disciplined with guilt gives one an especially strong critic.
Exercise I—Notice what thoughts you have when you make a mistake. What thoughts come up about your appearance? Notice comparisons with other people. What are things you feel you need the critic for?
The Development of Critic, Conscience, & Guide—Robert Barclay writes about my sense of how critic ("judgment"), conscience, & Inner Guide interrelate: "Conscience follows judgment, doth not inform it. Light as it is received, removes blindness of judgment ... To Christ's Light then in the conscience, & not to man's natural conscience, it is that we commend to men." The Critic, conscience, & Guide all influence how we live our lives. spiritual maturity means we follow the Guide more than we follow the critic. The critic has a long, intimate relationship to the spiritual journey. When we are children, the young critic inside us thinks it is helping make us a better person: "When necessary, I will blame myself & hold onto the feeling that my parents are good."
The normal conscience is more complex than the critic and can understand shades of gray; the critic is a hyperactive, rudimentary conscience stuck in childhood. Our critic tends to hold us to impossible standards and makes us feel guilty and responsible for things that are not really harmful to others or over which we have little or no control. I suggest learning to disregard the critic, but not the other useful forms of discernment.
Differentiating Guidance from Conscience—Someone's conscience could be bothered by prison conditions, but the Guide's more immediate, intuitive, often visceral sense draws one's attention to it suddenly in a very different way, which makes one feel led to do something about it. "In whosoever [Divine experience] takes root and grows, of what nation soever, they become brethren in the best sense of expression" (George Fox). Very small children can have experiences of Divine Presence and the Inner Guide.
How I experience guidance from the Divine is that: "It just shows up, and it is most likely to do that if I have asked for help. My heart responds in a particular way to truth. There's a sense of flow, of things showing up one after the other, not too far in advance. It doesn't require much effort—in fact effort seems to get in the way. "Ordinary events" seem to take on a sense of being guided, as meaningful to my learning."
Stages of the Spiritual Journey and the Critic—Early on in the journey, we are having experiences of Divine Presence mixed with ordinary experience, and we still live mainly in our personality. Despite our critic's telling us "it isn't nice," we need to feel our anger (which fuels our energy and strength) and use our will to keep it from controlling us. Arguing with our critic is futile and keeps us in the child's position.
I woke up feeling stuck, hopeless, and despairing of ever communicating my message so that it would be understood; the critic was paralyzing me. It occurred to me that I conceded to my husband's need for the newer computer, that his work for his job was more important than my work of the spirit (the critic was at work subtly judging me). This made me angry, which transformed into energy and determination to get right back to work.
When we are grounded in Divine Presence, the critic has less influence. We become more & more able to sift out information that might be useful feedback from the self-judgment. The critic is quite adept at adopting, disguising & showing up in new subtle forms, just when we think we have it in its place. As we get more acquainted with this familiar part of ourselves, we can have more freedom to be our true selves. The critic disappears for longer & longer periods of time. As boundaries dissolve, everything is seen as love, including the critic.
This loving heart is who I am; nothing else is needed. I feel present [in the moment] for each client & am able to see them clearly & hold them properly. I am giving out of abundance versus out of "shoulds" or duty.
The Critic and Living Life as a Quaker—The critic's original job was to protect us from the disapproval of external authorities. It also protects us from our painful feelings. A spiritual path involves feeling these things as part of the truth of our experience. When you tell yourself not to feel something that is the truth of your experience, your inner critic is taking hold. The original feeling is just a feeling that would normally pass away in time if felt. Our inner child needs to be loved and accepted just the way it is, with all its feelings.
For an adult, there is a crucial difference between feeling an emotion and acting it out. Disallowing our feelings makes us angry because we feel unseen and that our experience is not valid. Rushing to forgiveness before acknowledging our true feelings is also a problem. Neither avoiding them or indulging them is helpful; we can try to accept them with compassion. In the Diamond Approach, fully feeling and working through blocked emotions allows us to experience certain spiritual qualities.
Good people with harsh critics often wrestle with feeling selfish, which leads them to overextend and neglect their own needs. The more compassionate we can be to ourselves, the more fully we can love and appreciate the wholeness of others. When under the influence of the judge, we are unable to allow ourselves to take in God's unconditional love and to see ourselves as inseparable from that love.
Exercise II—Choose an issue you are upset about; name the feeling & where it is in your body. Consciously allow the feeling to have all the space it wants in your body. Allow it to expand outward into the universe.
Interpersonal Conflicts/ Being the Judge —We have a defense mechanism known as projection. To make ourselves feel better, we take negative thoughts we have about ourselves & attribute them to someone we are relating to. [I may forget to do something for my husband.] If I defend myself successfully against the accusations of my judge, I can admit my mistake & move on without feeling guilty or seeing it as a character flaw. When we can own our self-judgment, we can hear what the other person has to say and be more accepting of who they are.
The inner critic also can help us judge others. It is much easier to judge than it is to understand another's point of view if it differs from ours. Not being judge drops us into an uncomfortable place of uncertainty, waiting for guidance, and openness to being led. [Instead of the Quaker judge in us working hard to make meeting for worship perfect,] we reached unity on holding the speaker in the Light, embracing ones fallible humanness, and opening to what the message is for us. True guidance is perfectly attuned to the present moment. Use of the word should can be an indicator that the judge is talking. The judge takes us out of our hearts, where truth resides, and into our minds. If we can sense into the deeper level of the Divine Presence within, we relax into what is, a perfection that includes all imperfection in its loving embrace. It is a place of peace, but also of power.
Following Leadings: Faithfulness vs. Fear, Doubt, and Insecurity—The critic shows up in many ways during the processes of discerning a leading and attempting to follow it. [Our critic is following our parents' value system and is not] open to the aliveness of the Divine Presence in our current life. Sometimes the judge keeps us from putting forth leadings even to just be tested. There may be no external validation, though we may receive intuitive signs that help us discern our true path. Since it's the job of the inner critic to keep us firmly anchored in the conventional reality we learned as children, the critic is threatened by the mere idea of behaving in ways that are disapproved of or incomprehensible to others.
The critic's impact is feeling bad, guilty, ashamed, worthless, doubting. The Divine Guide is always loving, and its impact is positive and supportive. When we begin a leading, the critic may be screaming dire warnings of horrible consequences. The critic's child-perception may make us as adults feel guilty when we can't solve someone else's problems. It can bring up deep fears of loss and abandonment. Experiences of spiritual opening threaten the critic—the critic responds with threats and doubts. I ask for help with the fear. Tears come, and compassion. My individual boundaries dissolve, and a fullness of Presence spreads through my chest.
Personally, if I'm not afraid, it's probably not a leading. I must overcome the fear in order to go through with the task. In the process I grow more & more aware of being part of & supported by the Divine & less alone. Paula Palmer writes: "In my experience, a leading is a persistent desire to do something that may not make much sense. It is beyond reason & easily misunderstood. It keeps asking for your attention. Your fear doesn't go away, your confusion doesn't go away, you're not suddenly happy all the time. But you feel relief and comfort." I have learned to expect a visit from the critic whenever I experience a time of spiritual expansion or begin to feel a leading. Recognizing the pattern of our own critic diminishes its power and frees up energy for our leadings.
Its hard to grasp that most doubts are old information and don't really reflect any current reality. They are from the past, whereas Divine Inspiration is here and Now. When I feel a sense of doubt and inadequacy about my writing, I remember having this same feeling often when trying to please my mother; I never could please her. I release the sadness for the burdened child part of me and come more into the here and now. I see that I have unconsciously had 2 agendas: pleasing my mother (publication committee); following the Divine Guide.
Spiritual growth takes us away from our psychological home, where we are the children of our parents. In shifting [to Divine Love], we leave behind our childhood supports and reference points, and become true adults. If I just experienced Divine Love and am now picking fights with people, is the Divine Love experience real? Quaker clearness and support committees provide social support for the tender new awareness, and counter the fear of aloneness on the spiritual journey. The judge may set up an ideal [spiritual] self for us to look like. We would then be striving to be an ideal and not someone real. In these ["ideal"] situations, it is important to not "outrun the Guide," but rather to stay grounded in discerning only our next step.
Exercise III—The next time you have a Divine Presence experience, pay attention to your thoughts right afterwards and for several days. If doubts about its validity arise, why are there doubts about my Divine Presence experience's validity? What values of my parents might I be challenging?
Life without the Critic—Sensing the Divine Guide requires developing the ability to be comfortable not knowing what comes next; it is the opposite of the judge's focus. It is learning to sense what truth feels like in our bodies. Byron Brown writes: "Truth is your ultimate ally in confronting the judge ... the judge itself is nothing but a misunderstanding of what is real. The moment you see your own truth, the judge disappears." The critic's absence can lead to a sense of emptiness most of us would spend our whole lives avoiding. We need to expect and welcome these experiences of emptiness because they lead to experiences of presence. It feels like a giant hole in my mid-section. As I relax into it, there is a sense of peacefulness and calm, of being with no sense of being a self. The critic and judgment melt away in the Presence of Love; they can't coexist with Love.
Is this the critic or the Guide speaking to me? This question does not always have right or wrong answers. As the critic loses its power and falls away, the personality box within which we live has more openings and may even fall away. Being becomes our identity and True Self. We are portals through which the Light of God can shine, bodies through which the functioning of God can flow. Doing emerges not from the critic, but as an upwelling of Divine Will pressing to be made manifest in this world.
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449 The Ecology of Quaker Meeting (by James W. Hood; 2018)
About the Author—James W. Hood teaches 19th century British literature, literature & ethics, & nature writing at Guilford College, NC. He edited a collection of essays titled Quakers & Literature. He has attended various Friends meetings in FL, NC, CT, IN, PA, & Britain. He serves on the executive committee of Friends Association for Higher Education and the board of New Garden Friends School. Some of his interests are hiking, canoeing, and birding.

Entering the Woods, Entering Meeting—My familiar hiking path is a half-mile from the meetinghouse in Greensboro, NC where I worship. Some mature white oaks, red oaks, beeches, tulip poplars and hickories line the descending pathway or hold fast to a small escarpment. I can pick out a cardinal and a woodpecker; the other songs and calls blend with the wind. The long loop slopes easily upward for the 1st ⅓, levels out for the 2nd, and comes back around to this level for the 3rd; my feet know its roots and rocks.
[My familiar meeting surroundings] are in an old house, the meeting room on the old slab for the garage. The chairs are tan-colored, plastic & bent-rod metal, 3 rows on the south side, a long facing bench & a single row on the north. East & west sides have 2 rows each. I sit in the northernmost chair of the east-facing row, placing my silenced mobile phone & reading glasses on the floor beneath my seat. It is a ritual that brings comfort, even joy. Other people enter & take familiar places as well. Rustling, a crackle, then [relative silence with 4-lane traffic noise in background].
Quaker meeting for worship is a unique spiritual ecosystem. When gathered, with the participants' hearts & minds aligned along the Spirit's leadings, this ecosystem thrums with intricate connection. Such gathering only happens occasionally; we know it when it does. There is always a system that binds & guards our struggled striving, enclosing all in relationship to "something greater." Light is very much a key component to nature's ecosystems, & to the meeting's.
The Florida Everglades near where I lived seemed separate from the suburban realm [I grew up in]. The draining & canaling & damming done by the Army Corp of Engineers, we now know, altered fundamentally the flow of water from Lake Okeechobee south. The imported Australian melaleuca & pine & the Brazilian pepper trees have gobbled up great swaths of swamp. This idea that the human & the natural systems existed & managed themselves separately was & is a myth. There was so much ecosystem that all of our "little" changes could not effect a irreversible change. That was dream, head-in-the-sand, an ignorance profound. We must re-conceive, spiritually, our human enterprises as dependent upon those natural systems that thrived & adapted for millions of years before we evolved. Having banished nature from our spiritual practice, we must now return nature & ecological balance into our worship. Quaker meeting is the perfect place in which to make that reclamation.
David Abram, the Alphabet, and the Sensuous—There is a spring to my left, where the sponge of hill that rises above a flat place lets out its water in a long, slow, almost imperceptible trickle. There are downed trees here: red and black oaks; a tulip poplar; a sweet gum; 2 Virginia pines. This is an old part of the woods, unlogged since early in the 19th century, and I suppose some of the trees simply tire of standing and lay them-selves down on the forest floor for transformation. Pawpaws seem to grow in patches, little ones competing for resources and spreading along stream banks. There are thicket of shrubs and vines that have migrated from nearby suburban homes to the sunnier places opened up where the hardwood canopy fails.
In 1996, David Abram published a book titled The Spell of the Sensuous. Abram argues that the formation of the alphabet as we now know it, with its [symbols of human sounds rather than symbols of the natural realm], caused us to forsake our visceral, bodily connection to nature. The early writing systems of our species remained tied to the mysteries of a more-than-human world, from petroglyphs to cave paintings, to pictographic systems.
Words were written as pictures of tangible things. On the other hand, writing with a phonetic alphabet, with its 26 letters making thousands upon thousands of words, becomes incredibly efficient, at the expense the written characters no longer referring to any sensible phenomenon of the world, but solely to a gesture to be made by the human mouth. When we came to write down our stories, they became mobile, divorced completely from the sacredness or particularity of place where they were performed.
Sacred rivers and mountains are no longer necessary to the remembrance of the stories. Exiled from their homeland, the ancient Hebrews evolved a religious system in which alphabetic writing allowed them to preserve their cultural stories intact. The written text became a kind of portable homeland for the Hebrew people. There are forms of worship that engage the body; liturgical dance and singing spring to mind most readily. Worship takes place in the echo chamber of the human mind, disconnected from the sense-rich world of nature around us, which leads to attitudes and actions, depletion and manipulation that have produced ecological crisis.
Quaker Meeting for Worship & the Sensuous—The path turns slowly north & climbs. Farther on, there's a field to the right, a place where someone grew food not so long ago. The path shifts north again, & the ground is lighter colored, a creamish sand or porcelain-like clay. The trail veers close to a 2-lane residential road. Mature hardwoods here are large enough to grab most of the light, so the understory is spare & struggling. Rotting remnants of a windstorm from 17 years ago are being sculpted by decay & time into stranger forms. Loblolly pines mix at the edge of this tract with Virginia pines. I hear a hollow, rhythmic pounding that could be a pileated woodpecker. I expect—I want—to hear & see more birds, but my walking means I'm not watching & waiting.
The genius of Quaker meeting for worship is silence, the practice that keeps the gathered body tuned to the more-than-human & the smartest thing Quakers worshipping can do. Settling into silence heightens my listening, smelling, touching, tasting, & even seeing. In silent settling, I feel a deeper linkage between body & mind. My senses are attuned in a way not unlike the way they function when I walk in the woods. Rufus Jones talks about this "group-influence" in sensory terms, calling it: "Some subtle telepathy that comes into play in the living silence of a congregation which makes every seeker quicker to feel God's presence, more acute of inner ear, more tender of heart to feel the bubbling of the springs of life than any one of them in isolation. The sensory acuity we gain in the silence is in part the natural product of concentration, the paring away of distraction, & the tuning to something other. I am arrested by the acuter sense of other human beings gathering with me in silent contemplation. Iris Murdoch writes that the primary enemy of the moral life is "the fat relentless ego," that focusing upon the self & the self's needs devours our attention & keeps us internally focused in an ultimately debilitating way.
Nature and good art produces take-one-out-of-oneself moments. Our attention is a precious commodity, one we all too often spend profligately on our internal state or frivolous, ephemeral things. The arresting and enfolding beauty of art and the natural world countermand the ego's tendency toward frippery and self-aggrandizement. Rufus Jones writes about the difference between the almost pre-cognitive [consciousness-and- experience] moment, and the analytical moment, when we remove ourselves from the direct immediacy of the encounter and begin to categorize or abstract it. Analysis is a wonderful human skill, [leading to innovations throughout history]. Language and naming may in fact be the most fundamental expression of analysis. Viewing a single tree as one member of a class of things is to transform it from subject to object in a fundamental way.
The consciousness-and-experience moment obliterates such distance. Jones says, "We seem to be nearer the heart of things, more embedded in life & in reality ... unified in an undifferentiated whole of experience." The meditative quality of meeting for worship is designed to engage us in consciousness-and-experience moments. In addition to the interconnectivity the meeting fosters, it also embeds us in the primacy of experience, absent analysis. The goal in centering worship is to relinquish control & let go into the flow of that stream of consciousness that is a [something-more] than my noisy brain interior. Meeting's ecology parallels the woods' ecology [with its] constant state of non-analytical, full-on sensory awareness, tuned to the basics of reproduction & survival.
I was mesmerized by the simple flowing of traffic in Kunming, China. Bicycles & mopeds weaved past & around each other in an arabesque choreographed by no one. The entire enterprise looked like an organism, not a set of discrete vehicles but a stream of blood cells flowing fluidly, the parts barely differentiated from the sum. It was ecological in the sense that individual actors subordinated to the over-all motion of the larger group. The many individual actions never seemed to stick out very far from the ecological whole. In the ecosystem that is the gathered meeting for worship, inter-connectivity transcends the limitations of single actors, the whole becoming something quite different than the mere collection of discrete parts, an energy, a Light that mingles among the living, breathing, actual, sense-enhanced bodies sharing the space of the meeting room, here and now.
The Ecology of Quaker Worship—Paw paws congregate in a V-shaped wet weather streambed, like cattle standing in a pond, oblivious to anything beyond their soaking. Their blooms have to hang on for a long time for them to become the mango-&-banana-flavored green-yellow mushy fruit I might eat in the fall. So many opportunities to fail. Later, the much-narrower trail carries me past a couple of blooming wild cherry trees; [I don't know the variety, &] need to bring my field guide [next time]. The trail comes out on a broader swath that follows the border stream that empties the lake back where I entered the woods. The ground is flat here, & there are more sweet gums & sycamores, those trees that tolerate wet roots for a longer time; multiflora roses line the path's edges that are open to sunshine. A small bridge spans the stream on my right & I am back where I began.
The word "meeting" refers to connection, proximity & interrelationship. That's why we call Quaker worship a "meeting." Meeting for worship requires a connective relationship among participants. [Vocal ministry is examined internally, before it is given, by the questions]: Am I speaking on my own behalf or am I compelled to deliver this message by a leading? Am I speaking to a shared need or am I simply speaking out of my singular desire or need? An individual speaking apart from the "group influence" can't offer ministry.
When Rufus Jones uses the phrases "group influence" and "subtle telepathy," he is not speaking of some version of group-think. A powerful connection needs to exist between the individual's action and the meeting's [something more], its centered presence and purpose. [The connection serves to silently weigh and approve an individual's vocal ministry. This is the ecology of it all; the relationship is everything. [Symbiosis and interdependence abounds]. Perhaps the goal of the spiritual life is to strip away everything frivolous, to pare it all back to the necessity of connection with the other and take away our forever unmet need of things superfluous.
For transcendentalist writers, the spiritual value of the natural world seemed to lie in the idea that nature points toward a non-earthly, ideal spirit, far away from the grit and tangible reality of this earth. The transcendental quality of the natural world inherently functions as analogy. As a representation directing us toward the higher and greater beauty and knowing of the spiritual realm. This notion provided key ideas in shaping the conservation movement that began in earnest in the 19th century. Even so, Western European philosophical and religious traditions maintained a clear separation between the natural and human worlds. [Biblical pronouncements of human dominion over the earth had great influence].
More recent writers on the natural world have moved beyond the transcendentalist position by returning to much earlier ideas about nature having intrinsic, not only symbolic, spiritual value. Annie Dillard revels in and marvels continually at the sheer magnitude of natural wonder, detailing over and over the intricacies and profligate bounty of both beauty and horror in nature. For her, this takes the form of an openness to relationship, a willingness to be "wholly acted upon." She writes: "What I aim to do is not so much learn the names of the shreds of creation that live in this valley, but to keep myself open to their meanings, which is to try to impress myself at all times with the fullest possible force of their reality."
The Spirit resides in nature, and the immanence of the Divine within the natural world, so crucial for writers like Dillard and Abram, is a key component in reconstituting the human relationship with nature at our present time of ecological collapse. "Ecology" is the science of the relationship between organisms and their environment, and it is the relationship itself. Spirit is immanent within nature most profoundly through ecological relationship. The ecology of the forest, with its complex connections between living entities is the true locus of Spirit. The ecology is the something more, [the indescribable]—invisible but known.
With climate change, we have finally come to comprehend how intensely we are affected by the very alterations we have catalyzed in ecosystems. We are relearning that there really is no real distinction between the human & natural realm. The energy of the Light and the motion of the Spirit abide the same in the natural-human world and the gathered meeting for worship. Indigenous cultures have drawn no boundary between religious practice and being in the natural world. If we can return to treating religious practice as ecological relationship, we will have come a long way toward righting our relations with nature. The natural world appears to function like a species of perpetual motion machine, without the necessity of some stage manager cueing the sun to rise or the temperature to drop on October nights. Quaker meeting requires much more orchestration than this.
What the gathered meeting requires is precisely not human intention, but instead a letting go of directorial responsibility into the potent, driving energy of the Light, which powers the connecting relationships that form and sustains the ecology of worship. What appears to demand great concentration and formidable attentiveness actually begs us to relinquish control, to give up our pre-scripted agendas, desires, and intentions, abandoning our selves into the mercy of the energy that flows between and alongside the other. The collective non-self of the gathered meeting forms as each worshiper relinquishes self into the greater knowing of the group. We enter the realm of the sensuous, keenly alert to the more-than-human that always surrounds us but becomes obscured by thought or wanting. The gathered meeting, at its best, can arrest us into an unselfing. Peaceable surrender re-leases us into our native way of being where we can exist by spiritual instinct.
As I walk back up out of the woods, around the metal gate, I hear a whirr of wings and a chickadee's nasal calling. The bird is very close, and I realize there must be something at the post. [I look down into the hollow of the post], and there is a delicately woven nest with 3, small, non-descript eggs. I'm disturbing its home by my very presence. I move away, leaving the chickadee and wondering why it chose to nest there, [so close to] where people and dogs pass by regularly. As I think of them later on, I marvel at the tenacity of such birds to build nests where they do. To walk where chickadee nests is to worship with the other [in our shared ecology], this blue, vital, and spinning planet we need so much to better share.
[Queries]—What role does nature play in your spiritual life? Are there places you relate to as sacred space? How is meeting for worship different from individual worship? Do you feel spiritually distanced from the living world? Are you aware of the experience of "unselfing" in response to beauty or in other ways? What is the difference between the moment of consciousness and experience and the analysis of the experience? What is the value of each?
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450. Money and Soul (by Pamela Haines; 2018):

About the Author—Pamela Haines is a member of Central Philadelphia MM. Her paid work includes childcare leadership development, community building, and organizing for policy change. She is active in Friends Eco-Justice Collaborative, and the Economic Integrity Project. She works with the interfaith group Faith, Ecology, Economy, Transformation. She wrote PHP # 420 Waging Peace: Discipline and Practice. This pamphlet grew out of a plenary talk at Intermountain YM in 2017 titled "Money, Integrity, and Community."
The Soil in Which We Grow—Money can be hard on our souls. It's hard on us to love money, hard to need it. Some early experiences & childhood messages about money from our families have [stayed with us, either incorporated or resisted in our lives]. This is the soil in which we have grown. After working with conscientious objectors, a Quaker friend challenged me to write my own statement of conscience. She realized this was a process we should all engaged in. I asked: To what do I conscientiously object and why? As I sat with this question, it wasn't war that rose to the top: "I believe that a culture of economic materialism damages the soul and damages the fabric of society. It sets up a false god, squanders our resources, threatens our earth, distracts our attention from real issues and needs, and separates us from each other and from our higher selves ... There is something about an economic system based on greed that seems even more evil than war. [Accumulating profit and power] regardless of human cost ... is the greatest evil I know and everything in me ... cries out against it."
What is the soil in which I grew, [the money habits of the people around me]? [My father would watch the pennies of my mother's weekly budget, & we as a family would seek to explain every discrepancy found & brought to my mother on Sunday morning]. It might have been good stewardship or integrity, but it had a negative impact on our family community. As newly convinced Quakers, my parents easily fell into judging others who didn't even measure up to their values. What I remember most were their comments about those who could ill afford such poor choices about luxury items. Their own focus was very much on simplicity & non-material goals, & I found that nourishing; it rang true to me. The community that our Quaker meeting offered was the best gift I got as a child. I realize my childhood experiences around money had a lasting impact on me, in the values that endure, & the mixed messages I still deal with. [In my Quaker youth communities], we were asking big questions about how the world worked & how to do the right thing. [How would I handle my "entitlement to possessions" when they] put me on the wrong side of a struggle about equality and right sharing?
Claiming a Right to the Territory of Economics—My father was an economics teacher. For decades he taught classical economics; he wrote a book called Money & Banking. Gradually he questioned the basic assumptions of his book & his working life. He spent his last decades as an outspoken critic of those assumptions. His thinking [gave me permission] to look around this territory, to notice inconsistencies, to use the language, to ask questions. [Everyone has this right, particularly in economics]. We boldly say "No" to generals & their "expertise," which is based on flawed assumptions & can never get us peace. Yet we meekly say to economists, "Okay. It all seems complicated & you sound as if you know what you're talking about, so we cede that whole [area] to you." Economists' expertise is likewise based on flawed assumptions & can never get us to prosperity.
[Just as Wall Street has been occupied], let us occupy the economy together. Let's start by seeing it as a human system, created by humans to promote human welfare. In the late 1800s, economists introduced irrefutable mathematical equations, eliminating anything that couldn't be measured. (My father called this "physics envy.") Walter Wink believes that institutions, or Powers, are created with the sole purpose of serving the people's welfare; when that stops, their spirituality becomes diseased. [If that is the case, the church needs to] call them back to their original "divine vocation." How has our economic system strayed from its divine vocation? What do we want to call it back to? What is true wealth? How can what we value be increased? What needs to be equal and who decides? Where should control be located? How do you track well-being? Robert F. Kennedy said: "The GNP does not allow for the health of our children, the quality of education or the joy of their play. It does not include the beauty of our poetry, the strength of our marriages ... our wisdom or learning ... It measures everything except that which makes life worthwhile."
Community—How do we, with all our differences in economic means and money assumptions, while remaining in the spirit of simplicity and equality, do money together? Things to avoid: entitlement assumption; class and race blindness; tightfistedness; making judgments that lead to separation. Since our economic system depends on individual greed, the antidote of community is critical to our salvation. [A wide range of community-based enterprises serve as a welcome and] hopeful contrast to the withdrawal of resources from community that comes with financial speculation and global corporate control.
[In the money management field, there are examples of local money-management, like the Bank of North Dakota, which] has done much to keep local resources from being drained out to national & international banks and financial markets. There are also credit unions, where debt and interest stay in the same closed local system. I borrow from neighbors there and my money is used to support my neighbors. If our money is in speculative financial markets, we can screen out a variety of negative investments. Ordinary people can invest locally in community investment funds or specific businesses. Families and religious communities buy up student loans and credit card debt from their members and set up repayment with zero or minimal interest rates. Right Sharing of World Resources was created with the mission of relieving the burdens of poverty and materialism.
Stewardship—Stewardship doesn't have to be about mastery & control, arrogance & separation. If our goal is to protect the resources that sustain us, then we'll certainly have to give up mastery, domination, control, war-fare, & subjection. Stewardship implies separateness, whereas we need to reclaim connection with & belonging to the earth. When we can know this truth deep in our bones, the role we can play becomes easier to discern.
I am replacing stewardship with regeneration, supporting the creative process. If we contrast generation & extraction, it's easy to discern an extraction economy. Each resource, work, & financial transaction has a goal of maximum extraction, at the expense of the earth, other living things & ordinary people. The choice between extraction & generation is everywhere. From workers, children, communities, & fun, we can extract great benefit for ourselves, or we can generate benefits for others & ourselves. Generation helps us identify where to build power & the will to challenge our extractive economy. It helps us identify new institutions for building up a generative economy. I'm sure a healthy financial ecosystem would have its resources "meander" & percolate slowly through the local economy, not an efficient stream pouring stuff out of the end, [& out of the local economy].
Peace—I remember the mother of one of my Quaker friends protesting against the pointless air raid drills [conducted in our town as] "protection" against nuclear war; just one woman and one night in jail. The opportunity to protest the Vietnam War as a teenager came as a welcome relief to me. I could see the Peace Testimony as more than just a moral imperative to do a deeply unpopular thing. We could play a significant role in getting the opposition in motion; more and more people joined in. [A tiny Quaker protest against shipping arms to West Pakistan in 1971 was at first turned easily away, but it led to allies among the longshoremen, [a boycott on loading arms], pickets in front of the White House, and suspension of all arms exports to Pakistan.
In the early 1980s, [I invested a lot of time & money in the Jobs with Peace campaign] to pass a referendum asking that more federal funds be made available for local jobs & services by reducing military spending beyond the nation's defensive needs; it passed by a 3:1 margin. Now I could link peace with justice. It didn't have to be an individual moral stand. How much war is fueled by inequality & the demands of a growth economy in a world of increasing scarcity? How much war is fueled by a desire to gain greater control over wealth or productive assets or water? Removing economic injustice drains a lot of conflict. The divine vocation of the economy is to organize our communities to meet our common needs; it is a way of evoking peace.
Conclusion—To be part of reclaiming our economy's divine vocation will require hope, courage & connection. My discipline of hope is a repeated decision to be present to the goodness of reality regardless of compelling reasons for despair. On my blog (www.pamelalivinginthisworld.blogspot.com), my goal is to have 4 things, spanning global, national, local, & just plain human, which give me hope. Imagining the end of the world more easily than a new economic system is a lethal failure of the imagination. [New realities must be woven from the most insubstantial of threads that few can imagine; those realities must be believed in and acted on.
The courage called for is for facing unprecedented evil, loss and privation, welcoming chaos, reaching beyond our comfort level for connection, speaking truth to power. With a sense of connection and seeking connection, we can see how anxious, [individual] attempts to put things right are rooted in the fear and vulnerability that comes from separation. I ask childcare workers to look at their goals and find one concrete step they can take in the next 10 days; they always find one. There are many steps we can take from where we are standing right now: in our personal lives and families; in our meetings and wider communities, and through lending our weight to social movements and shifts in national priorities.
President George W. Bush urged us to shop after 9/11. I knew this wasn't the right path. My economist-father said the search isn't for an economic theory that works, but for a life-theory that goes beyond current economics. Could our Quaker faith and testimonies incorporate economics fully enough to be that theory of life? Together we get to make the path by walking, and the more of us who walk together, the clearer the path.
Queries—How might Friends approach healing a system that we are all entangled in? What would we have to give up? What has accumulated around our social institutions that keeps us from discerning their true divine vocation? How can we bring an experience of integrity to the economic sphere? What can Friends do to create a healthy, sustainable, "generative" economy?
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451. Humanity in the face of Inhumanity (by Sue Williams; 2018)

About the Author—Sue Williams and her late husband, Steve, were representatives of Quaker Peace and Service (British and Irish) in the 1980s and 90s in Botswana, Uganda, East Africa, and Northern Ireland. She later worked for Responding to Conflict; she was for 25 years a member of Ireland YM. These stories are drawn from experiences both with Quakers and with local groups working for peace in many countries.

[Introduction]—I've encountered people who manage to behave with humanity, even in [the most difficult] circumstances. They held a space for human values, where others could also stand. I've lived in 6 countries, and worked for short or long periods in more than 60 countries; many years of that was in the service of British and Irish Quakers. These stories tell of people who did not set out to resolve conflict, and yet behaved with empathy, compassion, and humanity in difficult circumstances, often in their formal work roles.

Some have moments of heroic humanity, some have heroic perseverance in doing the unheroic in face of difficulties. What do I mean by humanity? It is: compassion; bravery; clear-sightedness, generosity; and more. It is these things seen in action. I witnessed the people in these stories revealing their humanity while under stress. Most likely, their humanity was passed over by those around them without notice; where they took a stand, others can also stand. When Systems Break Down—My husband & I were representatives of British & Irish Quakers in Uganda, 1985. 6 armies fought for control; there was very little phone service, mail service, or travel outside of the capital city of Kampala. We provided small support to projects in some parts of the country, & helped establish contact between armed groups and political leaders. We brought mail from the capital to wherever we were going and brought mail back; this time it was Gulu, 200 miles north.
[Besides us carrying mail], some went on with their task every day, hoping it would accomplish what it's supposed to, but faithful even if it won't. One elderly man collected daily weather data for 15 years without pay. We were thanked [for this important data], but stepped aside & offered instead the name & postal address of the story's real hero. This reminded us of the capacity of people to persevere, [to improvise], to continue in the midst of chaos to work at goals beyond themselves. This should be the definition of heroic humanity: perseverance despite difficulty, for the good of the community. Commitment to Values/ Small Things—In 1990, Northeastern Uganda was a war zone. The only way in & out was by a Mission Aviation Fellowship plane. The pilot would land at an airport surrounded by troops, slow down only enough for me to jump out, & take off again. I met with the rest of our mediation team: a Catholic priest & an Anglican bishop. We met with rebel groups and army commanders. When the same plane came back, I was prepared to jump into it as it continued to move. In the end, the pilot stopped the plane and I got in. The soldiers were told by their commanders not to shoot us. [The participants on all sides of this conflict] shared a commitment to values. The army commanders asserted their own humanity and values by letting us go in safety. When passing through road blocks, each side believed you may have collaborated with the army whose zone you are leaving, & felt they could interrogate, search, even take you into custody. There were moments of humanity. Like the boy-soldier with an AK-47, who demanded a million dollars or our lives because he was hungry, but settled for a candy bar with a child's enthusiasm. Or the armed soldier in flip-flops & a torn shirt who saw my guitar, & sat & listened to a song that went "This is my song, a song for all the nations, a song of peace ..." We had to have an "organizational policy," with the 2 of us as the "organization," that we would transport a person, not a weapon. A young soldier rode with us several times, he asked himself who he was without his weapon. He asked a teacher he respected, who helped him with a list of books, that he might finish high school and work toward a different future. The soldiers responded to something human in the interaction. Sometimes one needs to remain cool and formal, but sometimes the humanity peeks out. When You Seem to Have No Choices—In Colombia, indigenous communities had long lived in remote areas, often in the jungle. In the early 2000s, these communities faced conflicting pressures from the Fuerza Armadas Revolucionarias de Columbia (FARC; Revolutionary Armed Forces of Columbia), the national government, and private paramilitary groups. Battles between armed groups occurred in around indigenous communities, resulting in deaths, injuries, and constant intimidation. They sought a safer life in towns. They discovered that town life was not safe either. They could not maintain their culture or customs in towns. They turned for leadership to the Catholic Church. The displaced people agreed to establish "communities of peace," or "zones of peace." [The intent was for them to be totally weapon-free zones]. They got agreements from all the armed groups, though not all respected the agreement equally. The indigenous group sent a small advance team into the jungle. Eventually, everyone who wanted to return to the zones of peace was able to do so: several thousand people. Most of the armed actors abided by the rules, most of the time. Anyone living there had to commit to not carrying or providing arms, & to keeping the zone weapon-free. Several people had been killed, & people inscribed the names of those killed on the wall-bricks outside the town hall, & picking out the bricks they wanted their names inscribed on. The 1st year they patrolled, & farmed like they always did. The 2nd year, they farmed together, his field today, hers tomorrow. They shared the harvest, had a surplus, & saw that not everyone needed to work full-time on farming; they could afford to support specialized workers who wouldn't have to farm. Artists, musicians, & teachers—those who transmitted their culture—were the first exempt, followed by medical workers; they didn't free lawyers or bankers. These people adapted, shared values, took a stand, & made risky choices. Those choices made their lives richer & more meaningful. Do You Know What Your Priorities Are?/ Putting Things into Perspective—I have found Afghans my favorite people to work with, because of their perseverance & their sense of humor. Khalil was a water engineer whose organization was now based outside Afghanistan, but who still worked inside the country. Our human exchanges began with family information. Khalil couldn't understand a Taliban policy that forbade his amazing wife to offer her wonderful talents as a doctor to people who needed medical care, or a society wanting its daughters to grow up without education. The needs of their children conflicted directly with the needs & constraints of Afghanistan under the Taliban. Khalil & his family had to leave the country for the sake of the daughters. I hope & believe they have found ways of supporting their country, while helping their daughters flourish. Ruth was in bed when she heard a noise downstairs. She went down & found a middle-aged man, not altogether sober, going through her belongings. She asked herself, "What would I do if I visited him in prison?" She proceeded to do those things by suggesting a social worker, ways medical care might be available, possible jobs, & food, clothing, & household resources. He came back the next day to apologize & ask for help. She befriended the whole family, & they helped her with things around the house & with her volunteer work; he joined her in counseling people in prison. There was something in Ruth & this man, in [their late-night encounter,] that interrupted her instinctive self-protective response, & to instead wonder who he was; this case worked out well. Humanity When Our Assumptions Are Challenged—At the 3-month international training seminar, "Responding to Conflict," a Sierra Leone mediator spoke of communities displaced and forced to flee again and again, by clashes between armed groups "fighting for the people"; the people never seemed to benefit. There was a man from Guatemala leading a normal life and another life in secret as a revolutionary. He had 2 names, different clothes and accents for each "person," When he heard the story from Sierra Leone, he realized that, "We thought we were ... nobly sacrificing our lives, but in reality we were sacrificing their lives as well, and they didn't know why."
His group debated long and eventually decided to lay down its arms and become part of the "peace process," even though it left [some unjust people unpunished], some unjust systems in place, and did not prioritize the poor. The man with 2 lives had one life, working with the peace process, and later becoming a university lecturer. His daughter was the architect of a peace museum for Guatemala. Do we have enough to give something to others?—I was a volunteer for a Haitian Baptist church project, which provided solid lunch for several hundred street children each day & a clinic for serious medical problems. I collected them, kept them all together, quiet & out of trouble; I read to them & asked them to tell me stories. They lived in groups of 3 or 4 who took care of each other. Most of them shared with anyone around them, inside or outside their group.
I learned that none of these children had gone or would go to school. They wanted to learn the 1st sound of their 1st name. With the help of office staff & carpenters, I taught them their letter, on the condition they teach it to 3 other children. Some staff members thought I was deluding the children with visions of a life they couldn't have; most would die before the age of 10. It later came as a shock that I had no long-term hopes for them, after I met a Kenyan street child who had grown up, had a family & a job assisting small businesses. Most of them possessed only the shabby clothes they wore. Manon, 6 or 7 years old, had the stub of a blue pencil, which he put in the crayon box with the others. He insisted on giving me his pencil; I have it still. Carrying the Weight/ Introducing the Human Face—The Rwandan director of programs for an international non-government organization, attended the "Working with Conflict" course. Her staff was nearly equal numbers of Hutus & Tutsis. During the genocide nearly ½ the staff was killed, many by staff members. Only then did the organization notice that their staffing was heavily skewed, with nearly all the management positions from one group, lower-level workers from the other.
In my 1st conversation with her, she said one of her biggest worries was that her daughter & one of her nieces hadn't yet cried; she herself hadn't cried in order to be strong for others. Here with me, she could cry; she called her daughter & niece so that they could cry together. She saw more clearly the need to be human, to set the weight down, to mourn, so that we could continue to bear it. Joyce was a Northern Ireland colleague who a great impact on me. She had taken care of the household for her father and 3 brothers while still in primary school, after her mother died. She was raised Protestant, and raised 7 children with a Catholic husband. Members of her immediate & extended families, including her youngest son, were killed by all the sides of the conflict. She was blunt, rough-spoken, funny, insightful, and unpredictable; she encouraged the growth of women's groups. She noticed that poor people were the ones fighting each other, that women had no say at all, and that the political agenda was all about borders, flags, and votes. Politicians were not worried about human needs like education or employment. When the government stopped paying for schoolchildren's milk, Joyce persuaded farmers to join women in marching around city hall—with their cows. It is vital, she said, to keep placing humanity, the human face, back in the center where it belongs. What if it looks like you support one side?—In 1971, 350 Republicans in Northern Ireland seeking unification with the Republic of Ireland were "disappeared" without legal recourse or their families' knowledge of their whereabouts. They were sent to Long Kesh, an old prisoner-of-war camp. 2 very respectable, prominent Quaker women said: "These families need to know what happened to their loved ones, [& connect with them]. They went to Long Kesh with a clipboard, stood at the fence, recording the names of the young men they could see in the yard, & informed their families they were safe but in prison. Families needed to know whether their men were caught or on the run & couldn't ask the authorities without drawing unwanted attention. Some Quakers felt the women's action would make it seem that Quakers supported the "wrong" side. Some Irish Quakers wanted to keep their reputation of strict neutrality pure, while others wanted to put the reputation to work in the world. These eminently respectable women made what they were doing seem eminently correct [and humane]. It led to the establishment of visitors' centers at 3 prisons, staffed mostly by volunteers, and to week furloughs for those having served more than 10 years. Most were released after serving 15 years. Quakers worked hard to end internment without charge, and to resolve the overall political negotiations. Glimmers of Light in the Fog of Chaos/ Conclusion—In 1997, an election was pending in Congo-Brazzaville. Our organization, Responding to Conflict, had been asked to train eminent local persons to mediate be-tween armed militias of different political parties. Shot & shells began to rain down on the militia compound next to my hotel; neighborhood people came to the hotel seeking safety. We were evacuated by the French Foreign Legion to 3 places: a open field by the Congo River; the French ambassador's residence; & the airport. The hotel staff behaved with great humanity toward people coming in under frightening circumstances. Samuel from the local office of my organization called asking for suggestions on how to deal with the current situation, and followed through enough to negotiate 2 temporary ceasefires. The Foreign Legion made me part of the administrative team [and the "complaint department]." The legionnaires helped us see the humanity in the situation, treating us not as victims but as actors with skills and the ability to help ourselves. In establishing the order of evacuation from the field to the ambassador's residence, nearly everyone behaved with humanity and a similar ethical code; the ambassador and his family were very hospitable. The bureaucrats at the airport divided us by passport, giving European Union citizens priority. The local people weren't evacuated from the airport, but were grateful to be in a safer part of the country. We left on a US Air Force flight through sniper fire. We flew to Gabon, where the US consul was most hospitable & accommodating. Air France began scheduling flights to take hundreds, perhaps thousands to Paris. The welcome in Paris included free phone calls, food & drink, psychologists & counselors, & a quiet place if someone was meeting us. My Air France agent [dressed down my original airline for balking at giving me a seat on a half-empty plane]. I was allowed on the plane—& remain ever grateful for Gallic protection. Humanity was to be found in commercial, humanitarian, military, diplomatic governmental [organizations], and just in those very willing to be human. I regret that I didn't begin much earlier to notice this pattern of exemplary humanity. There must be very many similar stories that passed me by while I was focusing on something else. It is far from true that Steve and I are the heroes of my stories. I wanted to shine the spotlight briefly on people who are not often noticed. The world is richer for the resilient people in the background. Queries—When did you experience a moment of everyday humanity that moved you? How have you navigated the paradox of "doing something human," which sometimes brings out the humanity in the other, and sometimes has the opposite effect? How have you experienced a clash between your values and the values of the society you live in, and how have you dealt with it? How do you bring humanity to situations in which you feel no hope of long term success? What role does standing in our humanity, in our grief and vulnerability, play in creating a safe space for ourselves and others to heal? How could we transform conflict by centering on human needs? How do we look at a conflict situation through a humanitarian lens? How can we grow in our capacity to recognize human moments and appreciate the every-day humanity [in our neighbors]? How can Quakers work to create a wider culture that focuses on human kindness and connection, even in the face of inhuman circumstances?
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452. Art as Soul's Sanctuary: Meditations on Arts and Spirituality

among Quakers and Beyond (by Jennifer Elam; 2018)
About the Author—Jennifer Elam is a licensed psychologist who has studied Quaker spirituality & Christian contemplatives & mystics. Sally Palmer became her art mentor at Pendle Hill during the 1996-1997 school year. Jennifer's media includes painting, writing, dancing, body prayer, drumming, book arts, paste papers, & life. She has led over 100 courses, workshops, and retreats in Arts and Spirituality. She has written 4 books. [Pamphlet, including front cover, has 18 color photos of works referred to in the pamphlet].

[Introduction]—My story begins with unlearning the idea that I am not an artist; anyone can practice Arts and Spirituality, which is a practice of prayer. Anyone can [have a creative] connection to the Divine through the Arts. This pamphlet tells of my journey of discovering, discerning, following a leading, learning about, and sharing Arts and Spirituality among Quakers and beyond. I hope to pass on the rich oral, Spirit-led tradition of Arts and Spirituality at Pendle Hill. In this practice you don't have to be able to draw anything. I have moved out into the world and facilitated openings, new learning and growth for others. By sharing my path, I hope you will see the breadth and depth of spirituality that is possible in activities included in a broad definition of the Arts.
The Practice of Arts and Spirituality brings life to a deeper place. The Arts are messy, a metaphor for life in so many ways. The practice can be used to do transformational work of the soul.The weapons of mass construction from prayer and meditation are connection, respect, caring, kindness, finding and doing the work we feel called to do. I have gained a deeper relationship with my Creator, my Quakerism, and my connections with others. Art and creativity is a spiritual path accessible to all of us; the Arts are the soul's sanctuary.
Opening through Art: The Making of a Leading—Letting go of feelings of shame & inadequacy, then living up to the potential that shame was hiding, are necessary to move confidently in the Creativity realm. The soul's raw materials can be turned into the beauty of the Arts as the Arts become raw materials of the soul's further growth. When I came to Pendle Hill in 1996, art had no place in my life. The "black-brick feeling" in my chest was about not living up to my potential. Each time I made a pot in the "Explorations in Clay" class, I felt as though a piece of clay had been pinched off the black brick; the brick disappeared by my 7th Pendle Hill art class. At the beginning, I was unable to look at my creations; they were too ugly. I can now see the work as a beautiful co-creation with my Creator—a good analogy for life. If a piece of work seemed ugly, it probably wasn't finished yet. Sometimes Sally encouraged us to work more on those pieces; it is a good metaphor for our lives.
Sally Palmer told us to make an image of our inner judges, then put them on the shelf. The inner judge is tricky. We need it when we want to cross the street safely, but we also need the judge to learn its proper role & sit [quietly while] we learn new life lessons. [Movement of our hands shaping clay], movement of the body in worshipful dance, movement of color on the paper, & movement of the Spirit in our life's stories flow together.
Once, we were to write about God, Love or Higher Power, & then hold clay in our hands and let whatever was to happen, happen. My hands formed an image. I didn't know what it was, but I knew that I hadn't finished & had to keep going with another ball of clay. The 1st figure was a pair of angel wings enfolding a head in despair. The 2nd seemed very open and inviting. I had felt Spirit energy flowing through me and creating, using my hands; they were working with the creator. [I prayed] that God would work through me in that way.
In bookmaking class, Paulus Berensohn taught us a spiritual practice of creating "paste papers." With a paste of flour, glycerin, and acrylic paint, we would coat the paper. We would open to God, praying to the muses to create through our hands. I learned that the soul's rawest materials in the emotions and in difficult states of mind can be transformed into what is beautiful and human through the Arts, particularly when poetry combines with paintings; the material becomes acceptable, even accessible to others. Through Art, humans can talk about what cannot be spoken. In the safe, supportive environment in the Art Exhibition at the end of term, the black, clay brick in my chest dissolved and a creative flower blossomed inside me.
Moving Out into the World and Facilitating Openings in Others—The Fellowship of Quakers in the Arts helped me show my work, and as I spoke about the process, others were relating to the spiritual aspects of my paintings. My 1st art show outside of Quaker venues was at the DaVinci Art Alliance. How could my art as a product of prayer be compatible with selling the product, with both seller and buyer valuing them monetarily? If I didn't like a painting, I cut them up, made books or cards with them. I had one that was too ugly even to cut up. I trashed it, but then took it out. I framed it, put it in a show, put a large price tag, and laughed at myself. Someone came to the show, loved it, and bought it, the 1st one to sell. Each of us carries a different view of beauty. Who am I to judge or disregard the work of God that I do?
Janeal Ravndal & I taught art to women at the Delaware County Prison. [Maria felt absorbed, delighted, & free as] she moved the paint around & around & back & forth. Her paper was covered with brown and holes, but the image of Maria being delighted & feeling freedom while incarcerated is a beautiful image permanently on display in my mind's gallery. Katrina had never painted before & needed a little encouragement, & direction to set aside her fears & inner judges & just do it; a gorgeous painting emerged. Her awe & pleasure at her creation is another beautiful image on display in my mind's gallery. Over 100 women had children, & made books, cards, picture frames, etc. for them. [Glitter & dried leaves, simple things, were especially meaningful to them].
As Cadbury Scholar at Pendle Hill my 2nd year, my job was to listen to the stories of over 100 people, [stories of] their experiences with God. As I collected stories, the paste papers for books came forth even more often; many paintings also came to me. The result was a Pendle Hill pamphlet (#344) and a book, both with the title (Dancing with God through the Storm). The art served as a bridge between the mystical and daily life.
Rebecca Mays told me that the pamphlet would be like a little bird that would fly away. I would have no control over where it went or what people would get from it, or read into it. I have had very rich conversations from the experiences shared by people who have read my pamphlet or book. Mark found my book while in a suicidal state of mind. He picked it up from a stack of fashion magazines, thinking it was by another [know-it-all] psychologist. He read it cover to cover, then over & over; he carried it with him everywhere. When he phoned, he was out of the hospital & struggling, but he had new hope for life. I was so very blessed by that call.
Arts and Spirituality as Ministry—The Arts have been a ministry for me among Quakers. In accompanying others deeper into their inner landscape, this ministry can take the forms of: listening to spiritual experiences, accompanying friends in dying, dealing with grief, teaching, or bringing more compassion to my work. I offer glimpses of how the Arts are prayer and serve to show the Spirit's working; how they are ministry; how they are the visible connection with my Creator.
Kim was my closest friend in my life, the person I loved most. She was diagnosed with ALS in 2003; she died slowly & painfully, ending in 2008. In 2005, we painted on the same canvas for the 1st time (Painting Together I). I would put paper on a board in her lap. She would look at the color she wanted; I would put that color on the paper. She would look in the direction she wanted her arm to move; I would slowly & gently move it that way. We did that 3 times, several hours each time. After Kim died & my apartment building burned, I made a painting 30 feet long, painting on both sides to contain my grief. Art can help us cope when it seems we cannot.
Years after taking classes with Sally, I taught Arts and Spirituality at Pendle Hill. Joachim painted a heart and repainted it several times through the semester. The heart changed from closed to open, and turned green over the course of the term, which was about his calling to heal the earth. In 2007, I felt that as a school psychologist, I was no longer connecting to the children I worked with. I started a meditative practice of writing a poem or doing a painting for each child when I wrote a psychological evaluation.
I went through a period of about a decade when I had many mystical experiences, [which helped me] understand the Spirit's working at a deeper level. I have had a lot of experiences of powerful energies entering my body. These bursts of energy frightened me at first. As a psychologist, I could with words only label such experiences as pathological. When I present these experiences in an art form [rather than a technical description], they become acceptable and even connecting rather than alienating.
Where does the music or art come from? My arts are about [divine connection through creativity], and about prayer, meditation, and playfulness making that connection more possible and making it visible as I try to live it out loud. Words are not my 1st language. My heart's desire is to listen to God, to work in service to the world, to dance and play in that land where the poems, paintings, dances, and music come from. My paintings make visible my inner landscapes, a sanctuary for my soul.
Openings through Art while Working for Justice—In working for peace and social justice, the Arts give us a way to co-create the story of our lives and our society, building bridges and community. My leading and work for 2 years was to teach Arts to children at Chester Eastside Ministries in Chester, PA. They followed Sally's guidelines for sharing gifts, "ugly" paintings, perception and preservation of all of one's work. The children asked: Who do I want to send prayers and good thoughts to in my painting? What is my hope and prayer for my friends, family, community, or world? A friend and I felt that the activism of our county peace center might be more effective if there was a creative component, so we started 2nd Friday Sharing, which included speeches, poetry, and more. Many are overwhelmed and confused about how to act effectively in response to hate crimes. What does love look like in response to the hate when it is in your face?
I was declared evil for my activist work & attacked by a deeply loved family member; [my survival felt threatened]. I felt led to attend a 6-hour sacred dance session titled "To Be Held." I saw the dancers dancing from their souls & all I could do is sob. I was told that "tears are welcome here." I laid my head on a pillow; Mari came & laid her head on the pillow with me. She said, "I know your energy & I want to be your partner ... I lost my family in Liberia. I know how to work this energy." I said, "I no longer want to be hated for who I am or who I am believed to be."
We were to dance what the partner had given you. I danced "family" wildly from the depths of my heart; the pain & the love. Mari vibrated her body in every cell; I wondered if she was possessed. Then Mari's dance transformed into the most loving dance I could imagine. I sobbed again, but this time in hope of transformation. The deep sadness & pain in my family situation has created what feels like a "crack in my soul." Kintsugi is the Japanese art of mending broken pottery with lacquer & precious metals, honoring the brokenness, seams, & scars. Like the Kintsugi artist, I now view the cracks in my soul to be the makings of a new calling to greater depth in my life of service to others, to accompany them on their journey when they are targeted by hate.
Conclusion— Arts & Spirituality practice isn't the same as academic study. This practice invites the Spirit to be present, & our Selves to be opened to the creative muses; then we see what comes through our hands. In our testimony, we need to honor that people have different worldviews; this shouldn't be looked down on. We need to speak for equality in areas of temperament, body type, emotional expression, & activist work. We aren't doing the world a favor by pathologizing our visionary material, by pathologizing our passion, by demanding conformity, by betraying our souls to be "nice," or by working based on buying power, rather than on a true call.
Arts & Spirituality can express the transcendent without getting caught in personal or professional boxes. They often help us identify our questions, even if we are not yet ready for the answers. Creativity is a vehicle for deep connection with the Creator and with fellow humans. There is a creative energy that comes & when it does, my choices are to move, write, and paint or risk my spirit becoming ... just dry. A listening spirituality emerges. Early one morning, as I painted in an unaccustomed style, one not my own, I heard the words, "The elements of the universe are making love, creating new life, and you are invited to participate."
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453. A Practical Mysticism: How Quaker Process Opens Us to the Promptings of the Divine (by Elizabeth Meyer; 2018)
About the Author—In this essay, Elizabeth Meyer draws on her experience clerking her monthly meeting, yearly meeting, and many committees, as well as her practice as a worshiper for over 40 years.
[Introduction]—I had just become meeting clerk; [there seemed to be an real] need for an Information Technology (IT) Committee. I expected this to be an easy approval, so I was stunned when a Friend rose in business meeting to object [on the grounds that] we didn't have enough rooms to hold meetings of the committees we had; he called for a moratorium on any new committees. Would plans for this necessary committee be derailed by a side issue? Then I heard a whisper of [an inward voice], "Don't lay this over; it can be resolved today."
[I aired the feelings of Friends feeling the need for the IT committee and] came back to the objecting Friend, who was as adamant as ever. [Then I realized that] his frustration, though not strictly relevant, had to be acknowledged before he would let go of his objection. When the Friend's underlying concern was acknowledged [as one shared by others], he withdrew his objection and we approved the new committee. I knew credit belonged to a messenger of the Divine. The Spirit is present with us, leading and teaching us, and angels are hovering 'round, [even or especially in business meeting].
Sometimes Friends business meetings don't feel very worshipful. At times, business meetings feel: boring; like going through the motions; [same old, same old]; or contentious. How does a worshipful business meeting happen? The worshiping community is the best incubator for leadership among us. All present must engage faithfully, trusting the process, which is a discipline that opens the blessed community to the Divine presence. Business meetings are worshipful when Friends understand and willingly take on this mystical process. What draws the group closer to, or away from the Divine? I have identified 12 Friendly practices, characteristics of Quaker process, which open us up to the prompting of the Divine. The 2nd part of the essay offers advice for clerks. This information may be helpful to committees seeking to name and nurture clerking gifts, and the whole meeting's understanding of what clerking involves.
FRIENDLY PRACTICE 1: The Clerk is the Shepherd of the Process—The shepherding of the process clerks provide helps open Friends to Divine leadership rather than focusing on human desires or ends. A proposal was brought to give the meeting founder's stone to the museum. It sat in the meeting's burial ground, rarely seen & no longer needed as a boundary marker. As meeting clerk, I had to be sure that all interested parties in the meeting had an opportunity to consider the proposal. The Trustees Committee and meeting in general were ready to approve. But the Graveyard and Grounds Committee had not yet considered the matter; [another month was needed]. [Friends were impatient to move on the matter], but I said, "Friends, if we are going to have committees, let's give them a chance to work." [A seasoned Friend] reminded the meeting of the importance of process rather than outcome. [It turned out after full approval that the stone could not be moved]. Mindful of the Presence in the Midst and the blessed community, the clerk prayerfully prepares agendas and helps Friends understand and navigate the process, with the clerk's sound judgment, strong faith, and deep listening.
FRIENDLY PRACTICES 2 & 3: We Share our Light, always Speaking with Kindness/ Meeting Business Submitted with Humility, Received with Gratitude—We might come with opinions on the agenda, but in worship we loosen our grip on opinion, and invite Spirit to give us new insight. There are no adversaries in business meeting. We are all on the same side: the side of Truth, and discerning truth. We must be careful to speak with kindness and avoid sharp tones, personal attacks or insults. In a contentious meeting, a clerk or other discerning Friend can remind the body that our process isn't adversarial but discerning, as in seeking God's will.
When Friends bring a report or proposal to a business meeting, they lay out the information as honestly as possible. They then humbly turn to the clerk, trusting the clerk to shepherd the process, which keeps it from becoming adversarial. The meeting listens with respect to all concerns raised as it seeks discernment. We are grateful for the work that went into bringing the proposal forward. We are grateful to God for the faithfulness of all who participate in business meeting.
FRIENDLY PRACTICES 4 & 5: Search Engines cannot Participate in Worship/ All Business Meeting Matters are Spiritual—Our electronic devices can be a blessing for business meeting, or they can be a tempting distraction; emails, video games, and search engines have no place in worship. Finding helpful information online and sharing it during a deep and worshipful discussion can break the sense of worship within a group, [and/ or distract individuals from being part of the worship process]. Because of instant fact-checking, attention to accuracy in presentations is a must; presenters should avoid making unverified side comments. Take the time outside of worship to obtain accurate information; spend precious business meeting time in worship.
Everything brought to business meeting is a spiritual matter. Even seemingly mundane business matters are essential to our spiritual communities. They are services performed with care and love; they are spiritual. If you find yourself growing impatient with a boring report, ask the Inner Teacher to reveal the spiritual in the mundane. As presenter, articulate for Friends how the Divine has worked through the committee. Why is the proposed business action Spirit-led?
FRIENDLY PRACTICE 6: Unity does not Require Unanimity—[Our meeting was split over what to do about a disruptive member. Some believed in trying harder to find that of God in the disruptor]. Others, citing the long tradition of Quaker eldering, insisted discipline was appropriate. How could we find unity around the disruptor? [We tried writing a letter forbidding him from coming onto the meeting campus, and then enforcing the letter through the county courts; the judge dismissed the charges].
The whole meeting needed to confront this disruptive behavior & the disruptor's membership. At business meeting, a few Friends expressed discomfort with taking away membership, but a sad unity covered the meeting. Several Friends who felt a leading to work with the disruptor & who offered off-campus worship for him accepted the clerk's offer to be recorded as standing aside. They recognized that the meeting had reached unity, & by their actions let the disruptor know they were available for spiritual support. 2 visitors, who seldom attended, but had connections with the disruptor or the meeting, were respectfully recorded as standing aside. Meeting for business is worship, not an opinion poll. When a few Friends agreed the business meeting was being led to terminate the membership, but each individually wasn't willing to give up on the disruptor, they rightly stood aside.
A Friend can stand in the way of a decision—prevent unity from being recorded or action taken—only when absolutely clear the Spirit requires it. It must result from a clear leading that the meeting has missed the mark in its discernment. Anyone seeking to stand in the way must have the weight to do so, must have labored with the meeting concerning the issue. [One could not show up only at the end of the decision process, and expect to have the weight to stand in the way]. Seek help from a spiritual friend or clearness committee to ensure the clarity of your leading. If you do feel led to stand in the way, express yourself humbly and worshipfully.
FRIENDLY PRACTICES 7 & 8: Difficult Matters are an Opportunity for Spiritual Growth/ We Accept God's Will, even When we do not Like it—The people saved from enslavement in Egypt were not yet ready to enter the Promised Land. They had leave behind their slave mentality, and be transformed into a people willing to be obedient to the Divine before they could find their way out of the wilderness. In business meeting, we seek the Divine together, and are transformed along the way. Sometimes it takes a difficult issue to break us open so that Spirit can come in. In brokenness, we let go of what separates us from the Divine to receive a new & willing spirit, and our souls are fed as with manna from heaven.
We confronted a Friends United Meeting (FUM) personnel policy which defined marriage as "between 1 man & 1 woman," excluding [actively] gay Friends from participation in FUM. Baltimore YM (BYM) felt torn between its longstanding relationship (100 years) with FUM, & FUM's unsupportable, offensive, & discriminatory policy. We suspended financial contributions, & labored for many years. We talked about FUM Friends as the other, stereotyping & name-calling. We felt led to begin a program of intentional inter-visitation: a ministry of presence, visiting one another in love, with no agenda. In 2008, we prayerfully considered the responses of our monthly meetings to the question of continuing in membership with FUM. We felt called to stay as a member YM of FUM in patient witness to our experience of God's all-inclusive love.
Skilled BYM members served on the FUM board, and specific FUM projects overseas were financially supported, without involving FUM's Richmond, IN office and its personnel policy. Though we had not come to clearness regarding general financial support, we felt God's presence with us as we worked; BYM became a deeper worshiping community. In 2010, BYM's Interim Meeting discerned that the time to revisit the FUM funding issue. Our gay and lesbian members let us know we must be led by Divine guidance rather than by loyalty to them. It soon became clear that BYM was led to resume general financial support of FUM. The Interim Meeting's discernment met with much displeasure in monthly meetings.
Howard Brinton writes: "At its best, the Quaker method does not result in a compromise ... The Quaker method [of discovering] Truth will satisfy everyone more fully than did any position previously held. Each can say, 'That's what I really wanted, but I didn't realize it.' ... The deepest Self of all is that Self which we share with all others [and God]. To will what God wills is ... to will what we ourselves really want." We may expect that there will be times when we come to a discernment we do not like. The Presence in the Midst's movements may defy logic. We may not always like where the Spirit leads, but we go anyway; that's faith.
FRIENDLY PRACTICE 9: The Community is more Important than Being Right—For as long as anyone could remember, there had been an Overseers Committee at Sandy Spring Meeting. This committee decided that it was time for a new name. We proposed "Membership & Pastoral Care Committee. We presented the proposed name change, carefully explaining that "pastoral care" didn't imply paid clergy. We hoped that more education would convince objecting Friends. A person who had been quiet through the discussion took me aside & said, "If one person in the meeting is uncomfortable with the term, you shouldn't use it. Technically, we on the committee were right, but our committee's mission was to build up the community. This was more important than being right. We needed to select a name that was user-friendly to all. The Overseers Committee became the Membership & Spiritual Care Committee. By choosing a more welcoming name, our committee demonstrated true pastoral care to the community.
FRIENDLY PRACTICE 10-12: We Worship God rather than Quakerism/ Quaker Process Fosters Love, and Love Facilitates Unity/ Business Meeting can be about Teaching and Learning Quaker Process—We need to take care that our devotion to meetings, traditions, and practices does not morph into worship of Quakerism for its own sake, which is self-righteousness. [Over the centuries] Friends have been willing to let go of practices when they no longer bring them closer to God in worship and in daily life. One of the reasons plain speech died out was Friends recognized their language had become a means of exclusion rather than a testimony.
How will a proposed action: bring us closer to God; deepen our worship; strengthen our spiritual community; witness to our faith? [Caution needs to used in asking "how Quakerly" a practice is. If it meets any of the concerns of the preceding question, whether Friends of the recent or distant past did it or would have done it is not very important or relevant, and might actually hinder the meeting of those concerns].
In discernment of a building project, "God doesn't care what kind of building we build. God cares about how much we love each other in the process." When we faithfully keep to our Friendly practices we build a loving spiritual community. The clerk, as shepherd of the process, puts aside personal opinions, inviting all into participation. Immersion in this Spiritual love enables us to unite on a way forward. [Even a very practical logistics problem can be solved with a sense of love in the meeting, and unexpected solutions can come for-ward]. Our process was loving, and love facilitated unity.
Even longtime Friends experience spiritual growth & transformation as we go deeper together, seeking Divine guidance. To a newcomer, it may appear that Quakers operate like a consensus-based organization. The differences are the Friendly practices listed above. [It is a 3-way consensus including the Divine]. It is incumbent upon each of us to teach Quaker process to those who are new to business meetings. Someone may need to explain some part of the process during the business meeting. We need to seek to learn from the Inner Teacher.
ADVICE FOR CLERKS—The most important thing a clerk can do is sit before Friends with faith in the Divine, inviting God's presence to be felt in the meeting. Use language that includes "prayer" and "discernment." Some matters are routine agenda items. Other items require considerable judgment in discerning whether they should be brought before the whole body. How important is a particular, possible agenda item? How can an item be put on the agenda without disenfranchising the committee responsible? What should the committee clerk do on behalf of the committee and what should be brought to the whole committee? How can a committee clerk keep all members of it informed and engaged? Does the body have all the information needed for discernment? Has the committee responsible reached unity on its recommendation? Agenda preparation is a prayerful endeavor; invite the Spirit to be involved in it. With the agenda, invite the blessed community to enter the spiritual adventure we call business meeting.
Make sure you are clear on what items require approval, what requires 2 readings, etc.; Friends count on you to know this. But don't fake it, ask for help. What exactly is the business meeting proposal? Put complicated proposals in writing. Clarity is needed as much in committee meetings as in business meetings as to what action is expected. It is the job of clerks to help Friends following a leading navigate the process. Clerks promote harmony and efficiency by paying attention to clarity.
Listen deeply to underlying concerns, even when not entirely relevant to the issue. Always seek to reflect all concerns in the minutes, and to articulate some underlying unity, even if it is only "our deep care for this meeting." Try to view controversy as a gift, a sign of engaged Friends. Set out explicit expectations to encourage Friends to respect the process. [Clerks need to dispel the misconception brought in by newly convinced Friends that only "elite Quakers" have power in a business meeting]. The power is where we meet the Spirit in worship.
Friends need constant reminding of each person's importance in the discernment process. Treat all present with a welcoming respect. [Feel free to use some "clerking from the sidelines," others reading the sense of the meeting]. Only you sit in the clerk's seat, with a view of Friends faces, [& are officially charged with discerning the sense of the meeting]. Trust your discernment. I invite Friends into a renewed commitment to worship each time we attend to business. What practices draw us closer to the Divine mystery as we attend to business?
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454. The Healing Power of Stories (by Michael Bischoff; 2018)
About the Author—Michael Bischoff, a member of Twin Cities Friends Meeting in St. Paul, MN, was diagnosed with glioblastoma, aggressive brain cancer, in 2015. He now works with Health Story Collaborative to facilitate story sessions for people living with severe illness or other trauma. He and his wife are authors of Don't Postpone Joy: Adventures with Brain Cancer.
[Introduction]—Knowing that most people in my situation died within months, I decided to look outside the formal medical system. While I understand that George Fox's "What canst thou say? was talking about reading the Bible, I think those early Friends were also inviting us to vulnerably name what is most tender and alive in our experience. I decided to adapt "What canst thou say" as a treatment for brain cancer. I've opened myself to crafting new narratives within about who I am, telling my story to others, and letting others' stories move and change me. From within this experiment of healing, this clinical trial, I want to report that there is a healing river coming for all of us and it is unavoidable. Our comfort and our understandings of who we are break apart when we are threatened with [severe] illness, isolation, conflict and loss. That breaking can open us to participation in sacred [healing stories told and heard by us].

[My Life, Early Symptoms, Diagnosis, and Surgery]—Right before my son started 8th grade, and my daughter started 5th grade, we went to England to see my sister and her family. I was having mild headaches most of the trip; I thought it was the stress of driving on the wrong side of the road between narrow stone walls. In the 44 years until then, I'd been almost perfectly, [even annoyingly] healthy. [I was increasingly and deeply in love with my wife, and my consultant-to-non-profits business was thriving]; my life had been very comfortable. After having an MRI, my neurologist & my surgeon told me I had a large mass on the right side of my brain. It had to come out, either in 2 days or 2 weeks. I was in shock & overwhelmed. I was terrified of brain surgery & didn't know what to do. My primary care doctor reassured me it was the right thing to do and to do it soon. So I trembled for 2 more days and told people I loved them, not knowing if I would survive the surgery or be able to function after it. The surgeon took out a pingpong ball-sized tumor.
[After Surgery, Old Stories, and Friends Gathering]—I woke up after surgery [and found that everything still worked]. I felt a lot of love for my nurse then, because of how much it felt like she was sharing in the awe and gratitude of those moments with me. The tumor was aglioblastoma, the most aggressive brain cancer. [It was a while before I wanted to hear this cancer's survival statistics; it was 15-18 months].
As a boy dealing with other boys, I was telling myself the story that I wasn't good enough—too shy and insecure—to be with other boys. I was also telling myself I was better than them. [These contradictory stories has frozen and isolated me much of my life; I spent a lot of time judging myself and others]. I now knew I needed new stories as part of my healing. My harsh judgments would drain me of energy needed to heal.
After surgery, my friends & family organized a gathering to support my healing. My friends & family surrounded my wife, 2 kids & me to sing to us, lay their hands on us, & pray for us. I told a story of what it was like to get on the brain cancer roller coaster: the terror of leaving my children while they were still growing up; [panicked] grasping for more time; miracles of doctor & nurse being [fully & compassionately] present. It took all my attention to notice & let in the love that was being offered to me. Letting the love [being offered to me] pour into & through me was more important than the number of days I lived. I believe the shift from tight grasping to receiving love is the essence of healing. Dr. Wayne Jonas says that "80% of your health comes from you using the dimensions of healing already embedded in your life." Behavior, attitude, environment, relationships, & other practices are a foundation for healing. Stories of healing can help us notice & cooperate with the 80%.
Aunt Marcia told me that she was sending me family stories about facing challenges & finding strength. Receiving these stories was just as important as chemo & radiation; 2 stories involved my great-grandmother. One was of her rocking her dying daughter, a toddler; she died in her mother's arms. Another was of my dying great-grandmother being rocked by Aunt Marcia. She said it was euphoric. Marcia's stories softened my belly & helped me focus on taking in love. [Panic & fear would set in &] the stories would keep reorienting me to love.
[Martin Luther King]—Spinal fluid began seeping out of my surgery scar. I lay on my back in the hospital for several days as nurses drained spinal fluid from my back. [I began to panic that] I'd need another operation to put a shunt in my head. [I pictured] a domino chain of complications & bad news. [Early one morning], I heard someone speaking to me, but I couldn't see anyone when I turned in that direction. [The next thing I knew], it seemed like Martin Luther King was kneeling next to my hospital bed, speaking to me. He recited the end of the speech he gave the night before he died. The last sentence was: "I want you to know tonight, that we as a people, will get to the Promised Land." I felt a peace, trust, & knowing that when we are faithful to our unique role, we can joyfully surrender to the larger healing force carrying all of us. Dr. King told me that after his house was bombed, he had to get to know God directly in a new way. For me now, too, God was with me in new ways.
I had so many plans with my wife, son and daughter, so much desire to get people to move in the same right direction. What I most wanted now was to be attentive and faithful to the small parts I'm asked to play, while fully breathing in the gifts of mountaintop views of where we together, can go. I wanted the rest of my life to be ... about receiving and cooperating with what God was giving me. My primary physician had told me a story about climbing Mt. Nebo, from which Moses viewed the Promised Land he would never enter; Dr. King was referring to Mt. Nebo in the speech mentioned earlier. I imagine that my doctor's story of Mt. Nebo helped invite the visit from King into my inner world.
I grieved with Moses & King for the places we could see from the mountaintop, but not go to. My professional work had to stop because of my illness, but I could see that listening to & telling stories of healing was part of what was being asked of me now. I wrote about MLK's visit & sent it to my friends. 6 months later, my regular MRI showed growth in the area of the tumor, possibly cancerous. I became angry at & mistrusting of my oncologist. I knew that feeling trust with my oncologist was as much my responsibility as his. I got signed up for a clinical trial that made a vaccine out of my tumor right before I had another brain surgery.
[After 2nd Surgery]—As I was recovering from my 2nd surgery, I wanted to feel more like an author of my story, & less like a victim. I wrote my oncologist a letter [laying out what angered me about our relationship, what I wanted from my oncologist, & my belief that] we had been put together by forces bigger than us, & that we were here to stretch each other, to love the ["difficult" parts we found both in the other & in ourselves]. I started a quest to find ways both our soft hearts could work together [spiritually] with scientifically solid medical treatment. I had a spinal fluid infection, & my doctors couldn't agree on whether or not to do surgery. A cleaning woman shared a story about her son with cancer being healed with prayer. "Doctors & prayers can work together," she said. After 2 months of intensive antibiotics to treat meningitis, [neither my doctors or I could reach consensus]. My wife Jenny, had been taking photos of our health adventures, & I had been writing about them. We opened an exhibit of the photos & writing; on opening day I chose to stop taking the antibiotics.
There is a Jesus saying from the Gospel of Thomas about hiding what's inside one's self: "When you bring forth that within you, then that will save you. If you do not, then that will kill you." [Embracing that passage, I trusted that bringing together my internal and external worlds will bring me closer to life and connect me with other people ... as I inhabit the lonely landscape of moving through brain cancer.
[Healing Stories & the Health Story Collaborative]—When I completed all the medical treatments available for me, & knowing my cancer almost always returns, I prescribed for myself the ongoing treatment of healing stories [from people & from nature, in my case] the birds & the trees along the Mississippi River. I found the process of helping other people craft their stories of brokenness & hosting those stories to be as meaningful as telling my own. My interest in healing stories & a friend led me to the Health Story Collaborative in Boston.

They in turn led me to valuable questions to be answered in stories of health & illness: What do people have control over in a health journey? How do all a person's different stories fit together & make sense? What have been the "silver linings" of even a traumatic health experience? Who has been there sharing the health journey? I worked with patients & families, who found grace in the midst of illness & grief, & physicians, who reconnected with their original compassion. Receiving a health story as part of a loving community was as energizing & meaningful as telling my own story. The community held that which was unbearable to hold alone. We shared our attempts to shelter our wives from our harsh prognoses, & our search for ways to show how lonely & amazing it is to go through intense cancer; I felt less guilt & more compassion for others & myself.

[Life Beyond the Next MRI]—I pretend to be a normal, healthy guy, [but I actually hold my breath from one MRI to the next; I didn't think I could plan beyond the next MRI]. My oncologist saw that I kept telling myself a story that I might die soon, and invited me to live in a bigger, less fearful story. I felt a need to organize a large event to demonstrate the healing-story process with a patient and a healthcare provider. At first, I thought my oncologist would be the last person I would ask to do storytelling with me. I had done storytelling with my [empathetic], primary care doctor. My oncologist was more of a detached, technically focused doctor. Surprisingly, when I asked him, he said yes, and even pictured himself as Keith Richards, playing riffs in the background, to my Mick Jagger, dancing on the front of the stage.
My oncologist told beautiful stories about how his grandfather inspired him to become a doctor in front of 200 people and video cameras, and live on the internet. John O'Donohue said: "I would love to live like a river flows, carried by the surprise of its own unfolding." Honest and vulnerable stories heal us, and help us notice how life is unfolding through us. [A good] story keeps raising questions and taking you on a journey to discover how the question unfolds in action, instead of [analyzing and] stating abstract conclusions; it brings us deeper into life; analysis by itself doesn't heal.
[Wading in, Flowing with the River]—There is a shallow lake connected with the Mississippi River near me, where hundreds of pelicans stop over on their migration in the spring and fall, and allow me to wade up close to them. I'm surprised that I'm allowed to be here while many others with my diagnosis are not and amused that life has been more enjoyable with a terminal illness than most of the rest of my life. Stories of unexpected beauty and vulnerability in illness and health can lead us deeper into the river of life. What is the next step deeper into the river of life? I believe that healing is not only possible, it is irresistible and unavoidable as a wholeness we can't [help but] return to. Great-Aunt Ruby and others taught me that we all return to love.
[I was hard on my family while taking chemo by being hyper-conscious of avoiding germs, even my family's. My teenage son showed great empathy for my sadness and loneliness, and it moved me to tears. Eventually my whole family joined me in the bedroom as I "cried about how much I love you]." My kids taught me with their actions that healing is possible. I place my trust in hearing and telling stories of healing as a way to open up to life. [Stories are healing because of the purpose they illuminate, the community they build, and the gratitude they express].
[They make it] easier to see [where] the current is pulling us forward. [Community relieves loneliness, which] is comparable to smoking 15 cigarettes/day [Julianne Holt-Lunstad]. Gratitude is correlated with decreased depression, increased immunity, lowered blood pressure and better sleep [Robert Emmons]. There is a danger [of becoming too wrapped up in our own story]. The best antidote I know to this side effect is opening myself to someone's story. Partly, I tell my story so I can let go into a larger story, and into life beyond all our stories. I'm sometimes tempted to think it is because of me and my thinking, exercise, diet, and lifestyle, but that can be vanity and my ego trying to feel special and unique. Some died quickly with a similar diagnosis [and lifestyle]; it wasn't their fault.
[Conclusion]—I know my stories & habits influence my health, but luck, mystery, economics, quality of medical care, racial privilege, geography, & timing also play important roles in survival & health. Healing comes primarily through relationship. In 2018, it has been almost 3 years since my diagnosis, long past the average survival time. My wife is planning a 20th wedding anniversary trip with me. I haven't done any paid work since my diagnosis, but I host storytelling for patients & doctors, share my intimate relationship with the river, go on long bike rides.
Healing isn't a one-time result, but an ongoing process that doesn't stop with death. My experience tells me that the same transformative fire that early Friends had is there in all our lives; that fire grows as we tell and listen to stories of it. Our loving listening and drawing each other out can peel back layers that draw us closer to the fire. There is power in telling and listening to stories about what is wounded and what is being made whole in us. There is a healing river coming for all of us, and it is unavoidable.
Queries—How can storytelling be a spiritual or healing practice for you? How can or has deep listening for and naming how we are being broken and pulled toward wholeness been part of your Quaker practice? How have you felt healing from telling your story? On looking back on the stories you have told [to yourself or about yourself], how have some of them outlasted their usefulness? How might you tell a new story? What dimensions of health do you draw on in your life for nourishment and healing? Are there new practices that you'd like to bring in? How have you tried, and perhaps succeeded in finding your unique role, or in surrendering to the larger force carrying all of us? What role does prayer have in healing for you? How have you experienced the power of stories? What role has relationships with others played in your healing journey? What is your story of healing?
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455. Trying to be Truthful (by Chel Avery; 2019)

About the Author—Chel Avery spent her life observing, reflecting, testing her reflections on Truth in the Light, and then articulating her understanding and received wisdom. [She tempered her solitary thinking by seeking] wholeness in the community around her. She worked for numerous Quaker organizations, was principal copy-editor of the Pendle Hill pamphlets and upon retirement joined the Pendle Hill Pamphlets Working Group. For 11 years she studied the importance of truth and its relationship Quakerism.
Foreword/ Editor's Preface—Chel Avery was a gifted, diligent, writer & editor. I was impressed with how she worked on the Friends Conflict Resolution Programs to heal disputes & helped to organize a Quaker vigil regarding the Ku Klux Klan. Chel would wrestle with how she would edit a pamphlet manuscript. [Her responses to them were very straightforward]. Chel worked patiently with the author to achieve final edits [of approved manuscripts]. 60 pamphlets benefited from her work to preserve the author's authentic voice & intent, & to produce clear, persuasive, concise pamphlets. Here is seasoned, well-researched knowledge, experience, & inspired writing that can help each of us accept, express, & live the truth that is ours with love. Shirley Dodson
While she combined facts with nuanced ethos in teaching Quakerism classes, she knew there was something beyond her thinking and knowledge. Chel initiated a practice of gathering which we called Spiritual Tea. For Chel, Truth was an integral outgrowth of her Quaker being, an [expanding] goal to be lived into. Just weeks after completing a first draft of her pamphlet, she was diagnosed with Stage 4 cancer. Chel was able to complete most revisions herself, focusing on the importance of love; [I finished the rest]. How will we carry on the work of living truth from a place of integrity? Alison Levie
[Introduction]—It seems to me that each of us is given a "starting place," a word from the Divine that says "you begin here"; my starting place is truth. What is truth? What tempts us to distortion? Are there exceptions where truth must be compromised? I have spent 11 years on truth-telling; I still have more questions than answers. Quakers are turning away from "listing testimonies" to "testimony" as a single concept. Testimony is a finishing place, the expression of our faith, our life's work. [I start with tending integrity] while remembering other workers are tending love, peace, & simplicity. Quakers have meetings because none of us can hold the whole picture in our individual heads. As Friends, we strive to be full beings, complete in access to our souls, bodies, minds, memories, imaginations. ["Thinking about feelings"] tends towards debating or theorizing rather than being Spirit-guided. I practice using words with care, because they are a vehicle of truth & lies. When I fail to use them honorably, I fail in my relationship to myself, to God, & to other people. Full honesty [makes me] more sensitive to the truth I am trying to know & express. Our discernment grows sharper & takes us further.
Quakers & Truth/ Truth Telling Isn't Automatic—[The author shares a story by Gordon Browne, about 2 French Friends who lied to the Gestapo chief who admired Quaker integrity about the Jews in their house. When asked why the French Friends said], "A clear conscience was a luxury we couldn't afford at the time." Besides lives being at stake, there was a risk of the lie being discovered & the reputation for speaking truth being at risk forevermore.
We are hardwired for certain kinds of deception. We lie for so many reasons, & half the time we may not be aware that we lie. Studies of lying show that 44% of lies are for personal advantage, 36% are for self-protection, 11% are meant to help or injure others, & 9% are for miscellaneous reasons. Truthfulness has multiple strata. Propositional truthfulness is simply factual, but can be misleading; authentic truthfulness avoids deception. At a deeper level, integrity is wholeness, a unified coherency throughout expression, words, deeds, and lives. How is speaking truth an expression of faithfulness or a spiritual discipline? How does being attentive to speaking truth affect my relationship to the Divine? What is a the price of deception? Of honesty? How do we navigate the passage between Quaker truth and biological hard-wiring to deceive? We can't just "not lie." We have to actively resist it. It helps me to remember that truth and word have sacred meaning in our tradition.
One Answer is Love/ We Need an Enormous Amount of Self-Acceptance—Telling the truth is hard. Philip Gulley writes: "Every person ... committed to integrity is [also] committed to knowing themselves, & accepting responsibility for their moods, actions, & reactions. There are many ways to speak true words & yet deceive. We may imply that bad traffic made us late, when the true cause had more to do with disorganization. Deception takes place in secrecy. It is far too easy to delude oneself about ["acceptable deception"] in the privacy of such decisions. Without unfactual statements not meant to deceive we would lose much of poetry & humor. There is an arena of slippage where words, context, meaning, & intention aren't clear. [Every time we use a non-fact, however creatively], we skate around the edge of misunderstanding, whether or not we intend to deceive.
The Quaker simplicity that says what it means is only possible when the speaker is paying close attention to language, message & what is. Gil Skidmore writes: "One of the things that impressed me most was the carefulness with which my questions were answered [by London Quakers]. I was often required to wait [for] a sufficiently truthful answer ... I learned to love that weighty pause." Quakers do well living comfortably & confidently in a world without certainty. We can't give up on truth because it won't be pinned down. Marilyn McEntyre writes: "[Finding] reliable reporting needs to start with questions about ourselves ... What am I protecting or avoiding knowing? What limits my angle of vision? What persuasions works most effectively for me?"
Kindness—The opposition to truth telling is that it can be unkind, though perhaps not as unkind as we fear. I suspect that the "white lie" protects us more than the person we believe we are being kind to. I can't think of a time in my life when a lie told to me has served me better than the truth. I feel pain and gratitude for friends who have spoken unwelcome truths to me and invited me to be stronger. Before speaking [I invite you to ask]: Is it true? Is it necessary? Is it kind? Does it improve upon the silence? When I must impart unwelcome information, the first words that come to mind are a white lie. [I can instead] find a way to say what is difficult in language that is gentle and respectful—even if painful. If you can't hold yourself and another person in the Light during a difficult conversation, it is best to wait until you can enter a place of generosity toward yourself and the other. Even a brief delay or check-in with the Divine can make a difference.
Other Excuses for Lying/ Stories/ Being Lied To—Truth can be: Boring; Elusive; Untrustworthy—Truth telling is hard because, as Marilyn McEntyre writes: "... the varieties of untruth are so many & so well disguised. Falsehoods are so common & normal, truth often looks pale, understated, alarmist, rude, or indecisive by comparison ... We need to reclaim words [whose meanings] ... commercial & political agencies have distorted. Early Friends' writings are filled with vivid language that may cause us to ponder but rarely seem false. All ways of knowing can be mistaken, misunderstood, or changing. We don't welcome the possibilities that we may be wrong. With "fake news," the decline of standard news media, and [the multitude] of sources that may or may not be reputable, how do we know how to navigate media?
[If our view or stories about our parents change markedly after they die & we change], how is there a true version & a false version? Who gets credit, blame, or the benefit of the doubt in the "newly told story?" In the '60s & '70s, women [had & took] the opportunities to break the silence about their stories, free of male domination. New understandings of what it meant to be a woman, white, middle-class, educated women in particular, were challenged for their limitations, [& lack of diversity]. H. Lerner writes: "Truth telling is 1st & foremost, a matter of context. Context determines what truths feel safe to voice & those we discover & know about ourselves."
Stories can express truth without being factual. Regardless of how much truth & authority one ascribes to the Bible, its stories are embedded in our culture, as are fairy tales, Greek mythology, Shakespeare, & other lore. It adds greater texture than a [dry] propositional statement [with no story behind it]. How do we tell stories faithful to the truth that accesses a deeper truth through imagination? How is it truthful to the context & meaning we use it for? Without stories as reference points, something of our shared meaning would be lost. How do I decide between collaborating with the deception of someone lying to me or being open with my skepticism? When I pretend to believe, I engage in deception, & give permission for more falsehood with my collaboration. What disservice do I do to my subordinates & those socially less powerful, when I hold them to a lower standard as they lie about their needs? It is possible to express disbelief non-confrontationally.
What we Wish were True—I was deeply impressed by a friend and have adopted her practice of stopping oneself, mid-sentence if necessary, and asking, "Wait, how is this true? [There are different wishes which] draw one away from faithfulness to the truth. The wish to be: right; knowledgeable; wise; amusing; in a particular relationship with a person; respected; influential or manipulative. To be entirely in right relationship with truth, we must give up our attachment to what we wish were true, and we must discern what is true. Our sources of information—always skewed—seem so much more so now. A general concern about deception in public life is that our society works because, at least to some extent, we trust what we are told. Without trust, we would be paralyzed as individuals and cease to have social relationships.
What will society look like if trust in the words of others continues to erode? Today we have little expectation of truth from those who hold office. How do we distinguish real news from fake news? How do we stay on top of manipulation of labeling food ingredients, of statistics and graphs, and of the wording of terms and conditions? We can be broadly cynical and fight fire with fire, or we can treat "reality" as best we know it, as an endangered species, giving it all the love and protection we can. Lying or believing a lie for a good cause seems to be more acceptable when we are in an "us vs. them" arena; such lies are called "blue lies."
They display our tendency toward loyalty, cooperation, & caring, & at the same time our tendency to hate, dehumanize outsiders, & delude ourselves. I started to notice in my social activism that my friends automatically believed information from "our side" & automatically discounted information that weakened our position or gave our opponents any credit. Standing up for a cause tempted me away from personal integrity & into the thrill of being part of a noble cause. What could be wrong, incomplete, or biased about the statements of our allies? What could be informative or true about the opposition's statements? Our ability to trust & believe each other is a crucial factor in societal health. I have some responsibility for nurturing that capacity.
What we Know & What we Believe/ Conclusion—The truth of our speech & of our ideas bleed into each other. Our minds are filled with things we know with our senses & in our bones, & with things we presume to be true for a variety of good & bad reasons. They cling to us by an adhesive force similar to static electricity. The words know & believe have different meanings for different people. Know is limited to "truth that lays hold of us in a personal way." Belief refers to all the things I accept, mostly secondhand, as "working knowledge."
Early Friends saw rites of baptism & communion as secondhand experiences, beliefs in that they are about the direct experiences Friends sought. [I wrote a personal credo for a Pendle Hill class on Quaker thought. I asked myself]: What do I believe because the ideas appealed to me? What was the indelible knowledge I couldn't erase? How much of what I believe to be true is essential? How much [belief] is held for sound reasons? How much [belief] is just comforting, appealing, self-justifying, [conforming stuff]?
It is the instinct of integrity we seek, the honesty which comes automatically, which kindly and clearly speaks the truth no matter the consequences. ... We seek truth that comes as naturally as breathing, without thought or pause, governed by the deepest, most basic part of us. Philip Gulley
I cannot achieve the [above] state, speak only the truth, and do it always with a delicate precision. All our testimony is rooted in an individual encounter with the truth, not in thought or reflection about it. How do I know when my thoughts have run away from the encounter's [truth] and substituted something else? [I need to not lie for the sake of others or for a falsely impressive self-image; I need humility. Parker Palmer recognized that his debilitating depression came from an inward falseness "that led me to live [a life as] who I ought to be or what I ought to do, rather than by insight into my own reality, what was true, possible, and life-giving for me. [The soil I sink my roots into is a mixture of fertile, impenetrable rock, hard layers, soft layers, and other roots to tangle with. It is also something to grip, to hold me upright, to feed me what I need and the unexpected. In both Truth and Love there is a now that is both eternal and instantaneous.
Queries--What is the relationship between the words we use and the integrity we aspire to? How do we ensure that truth is constructive rather than destructive? When are there times that truth shouldn't be spoken? What effect does accepting white lies and expedient mistruths have on us and our culture? What temptations draw us away from faithfulness to the truth?
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456. On the Spirituality of Lightheartedness (by Helen Steere Horn; 2019)

About the Author—Helen Steere Horn (1932-2018) was part of the Pendle Hill community from her childhood. Her father, Douglas Steere, was summer school director; her mother Dorothy, was Head Resident. Helen was a high school teacher, & a counselor in a mental health facility in Europe, Africa & 3 American cities; she was a peace advocate. She wrote PHP #329, There is a Fountain: A Quaker Life in Process (1996), & was on the Publications Committee. This pamphlet was originally written as a speech for a Quaker gathering in the 1990s.

Introduction (by Rebecca Kratz Mays)—Helen Horn's lengthy written comments on any pamphlet manuscript showed respect for Pendle Hill pamphlets (PHP) & the author. Here, she has laid out an understanding of balancing internal refreshment of a light heart with addressing suffering, hunger & injustice. She taught plain speech, with its sincere & honest discourse. Plainness in speech addressed honesty & avoided class distinction. Helen knew how to speak a plain Yes or No & address truth directly, yet with a tenderness I have rarely seen. She grew up in a Quaker family, but she didn't become severe in practice. She wrote poetry, loved metaphors, communed with nature, laughed & sang, soared with the Spirit in worship, & delivered inspiring ministry. She embodied today's Quaker faith & practice, & was a part of the present era & still kept the testimonies' integrity.
She critiqued the draft of a letter I wrote sending back a PHP manuscript with revision instructions. There was no harshness, no judgment; it was practical & focused on our common objectives. I could see I was outside the simple truth of the matter. Helen was truthful to the occasion with great respect for persons. She had a liberating way of speaking the truth, treating the person addressed as an equal, criticizing without drama or hurt. Truth & respect had been served & that was sufficient. Never did she hold a grudge. What mattered was the joy of the relationship & her heart-melting smile. She was "as a nursing mother" to me. She lived an abundant life.
[Lord of the Dance & Holding up Innocence]—Jesus seems to beckon to us in Matthew 11:28-30 as a gentle, lightfooted Lord of the Dance, with dance being the sense of moving with a flexible spirit through our changes & joining in the dance. Jesus names the blessed who inherit his Father's kingdom as those who give food & drink to the hungry & thirsty welcome strangers, clothe the naked, & visit the sick & imprisoned. That is the yoke he challenges us to shoulder. How is helping those in dire, desperate need of help an "easy yoke" or a "light burden?" The tragedy & waste of life is enough to make us feel powerless & overwhelmed. How can we find heartease & laughter in a world full of pain? How can we care & yet be carefree? If we are to sing such songs as one inspired by G. Fox's "thick night of darkness" prison letter, with hope-inspiring & compelling authenticity, darkness must be felt & responded to. It was out of a costly acquaintance with the ocean of darkness that Fox affirmed an ocean of light's presence so powerfully that he generated a new religious movement.
Seeking Leadings: A Small Effort Shaped to Us/ Earnestness as Bedevilment—We must seek leadings for very concrete, specific ways to respond to the world's crying needs that are in tune with our gifts & strengths. It is hard to have faith that our small efforts will do any good. Yet there are role models around us to fuel our fire, to make a difference. People who trust their "small leadings" seem to be "going with the grain" of the universe. Once I get a clear leading, I can count on forces beyond my own, moving in the same growth pattern. [Working in concert with the Spirit and others] are ways our yokes are made lighter.
I talk to you about having lightheartedness in the struggle because I failed to cherish it for many years. [I couldn't understand the need to be "a lily of the field," or honoring avid student Mary over the hard-working Martha]. Activism can become a disease like any other knee-jerk response. [Over-responsibility was my personal "demon." In facing & banishing our demons], a friend & I sparked an April Fools Day retreat idea on the spirituality of playfulness & lightheartedness. I exorcised my heavy-duty over-responsibility & busyness, but I cherish my innate responsiveness. The ways we go overboard are basically positive impulses carried to an extreme.
Welcome the Gifts that Come with Giving/ Accept Limits & Yourself—David & I gave an ailing mother & her son a place to stay for 6 weeks. We felt a deep truth about welcoming strangers that made hearts light. Our guests' interest in our farm's animal life heightened our awareness of it. Whether or not I have responsive folks to share with, the feeling of love when I give, flowing through me from the Life Source, quickens me.
I Corinthians 13 presents the boundless, unconditional love of God. How does my Inner Light help me accept my limits [without guilt]? I had a clear channel for my concern in ending nuclear war as part of a peace and justice network. [We sometimes cared too much and grated on each other when we doubted another's approach would be effective]. Thomas Merton writes: "To allow oneself to be carried away by a multitude of conflicting concerns, to surrender to too many demands, to commit oneself to too many projects, to want to help everyone is to succumb to and even cooperate in violence.

The frenzy of the activists neutralizes their work for peace. It destroys the fruitfulness of their work because it kills the inner wisdom which makes their work fruitful." [NOTE: The above quote is actually from the author's father, Douglas, whom Merton is quoting]. One part of lightheartedness is loving my deep Self. I need to hear my Inner Light's voice ... my body that serves me asking to be honored ... and hear time talking about the changing seasons of my life and those closest to me. I need to see and feel [the seed] of my future growing underground before it can start to sprout up and leaf out ... Breathing in and refocusing can lead to renewed energy and lightheartedness" [Psalm 16:7-11 cited].
Seek Clearness and Take Time to Reflect/ Be Childlike—In 1987, I took a workshop called "Pilgrim Warrior Training." The training helped women involved in social change with a clearness process to become more centered and empowered. I realized that my husband's parents and my own were aging, and one was dying; I needed to be with them and savor their being and knowing while there was time. I resigned from the peace and justice network [without regret], and focused on intimate relationships and writing poetry. We need to give ourselves permission to have times of reflection to realign ourselves with our Inner Guidance. Otherwise we get blocked with over-obligation. If Pope John XXIII can forget about his undergirding, [and need a reminder from God], it's no wonder that we get bogged down and the yoke feels heavy.
We struggle to grow up & pull our weight & then in Matthew 18:3 [Jesus turns around &] tells us to be like children again. Being childlike is related to lighthearted spirituality. What is being childlike? A child assumes: I am important & loved; [I respond with all my senses to all my experiences]; I am curious, questioning, and in the present; [I am innocent of phoniness]. I was in a class on creative movement, and was instructed to move in an unaccustomed way, as though I was floating, [moving with the tide, with no destination in mind. While I was awkwardly trying to do that], a bit of thistledown floated in the window and sailed slowly around the room, ri-ding the air current, [a perfect model of what I was being asked to do from the Spirit].
Take Nature as a Model/ Create/ Brokenness and Healing—The Peace of Wild Things (by Wendell Berry: "When despair for the world grows in me/ & I awake in the night ... in fear ... I go lay down where the wood drake/ rests in his beauty ... I come into the peace of wild things/ who [have] not ... forethought/ of grief ... For a time I rest in the grace of the world, and am free." Cycles in nature bring us back the light, warmth, green sprouts, that help us stay lighthearted. When I got cancer in 1994, I did the adult moves to educate myself & alter my lifestyle; I also was spurred on toward a childlike state of resting and trusting, letting go. The hospice workers' guidelines were: Live each day to the full. Share feelings with those around you, negative or positive. Make the choices open to you and then let go; [good advice for anyone].
It helped me tremendously to talk & write & do art to get feelings out during that time. I was in a grief recovery group in 1995, making a collage of what moved in the space between "cancer-free" Helen & the Helen who knew about her malignant tumors. [The images I found expressed my negative feelings & my joy]. Lighthearted spirituality requires self-expression. [Lightheartedness is more accessible] if I can learn something from hard experiences; I'm not going through grief for nothing. We often find courage to go on not because weakness is taken away, but because we sense God's love enough to own & embrace the whole truth about our lives.
Embrace Paradox/ Trust Life—[Lightheartedness comes in part from] the sense of how paradoxical life is, how incongruous and contradictory we are. [What an accumulation of conflicting beliefs and actions] I have after all these years. A lighthearted fellow in our meeting had a major heart attack and survived. In meeting he told of how he vowed to live a healthy life and behave like a saint toward those he loved. [His good intentions were sincere but short-lived]. He continued: "I realize now I'll never be a saint. I've thought of a way to thank all of you ... I'll have all of your heart attacks for you. You can change your life styles and live years longer, and ... treat the people you love [well], and you won't even have to be scared to death, because I did that part for you." If I see myself as both rich and poor, gifted and limited, shining and broken, then I can see others that way too, with a flexibility and openness that releases me from guilt and others from judgment. Where I am limited, you might be gifted, so the dance of interdependence, full of its delightful diversity, goes on.
Part of [trusting life and allowing for mistakes] seems to be learning to hold particular people, decisions, and pet projects more loosely in our hands. When it happened to me, I was trying to decide whether or not to get married. As I wrestled with the decision, I got the sense one day that I could trust life. I think I felt that day that I could lean on the everlasting arms and not be dropped. I took the plunge and am still married to Dave Horn, with all his quirks. He likes my cooking enough to put up with my quirks too.
Conclusion—I've come to feel that I just need to do the best I can in the time I have & life will put my efforts toward some progress, though perhaps in a form I'll never recognize. This long view can lighten our hearts as we let go & move on. Despite the System's impressive power, & its inequalities & deaf ear to the cry of many human needs, things can be turned upside down by risk-taking, trusting acts of caring. In her 70s, Catholic Worker Dorothy Day protested the Vietnam War. It is leaven like that that finally transforms the lump. There was another woman, unknown beyond her own block in Philadelphia, who turned trouble around. In the aftermath of a blizzard, a loaded bus was stuck on her snow-clogged, one-lane street for over an hour. This woman & her husband made & served spaghetti & coffee to the people on the bus; the bus driver shoveled the woman's steps & walk. Together they turned a mishap & a traffic nightmare into a party & an experience of community.
Lighthearted spirituality seems to spring from awareness that we are all in the same boat. There is the sense of being connected with the Life Source, in the presence of a Mystery that affirms us as we respond to its promptings. The mother of Native American storyteller José Hobday responded to an argument about how to spend the family's last few dollars by having José go buy strawberry [a sacred Native American food] ice cream and invite the neighbors to give thanks for life and God taking care of them; José remembers celebrating life most from her childhood, not the poverty. Jesus said: "I came that they might have life, and have it abundantly" (John 10:10).
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457. A Natural Unfolding (by Donna Eder; 2019)

About the Author—In 1988 Donna Eder began attending Bloomington Friends Meeting in Indiana, where she became a member. She was a founding member of Mt. Gilead Friends Retreat in Bloomington, and a sociology professor at Indiana University—Bloomington. She wrote on storytelling practices, one showing ow children can benefit from reflecting on the teaching stories of many cultures. Her other interests include hiking, Chinese calligraphy and brush painting, and creative nonfiction.
Introduction—My first life-changing turning point occurred during the final months of my mother's struggle with ALS; she became my spiritual guide, and our family became deeply loving and able to express our love for each other. Shortly after she died, I had an experience of unbounded love and joy that further changed my life. I then decided to unconditionally allow this spiritual healing and love to unfold in my life. Returning to my intellectual job as sociology professor was a great challenge.
As months went by, I felt my life increasingly divided, pulled apart between work & spirit when what I most desired was more wholeness. Parker Palmer writes: "Divided life is a wounded life, & the soul keeps calling us to heal the wound [&] move closer to the truth living within us." As growth experiences came in my life, I came to realize wholeness isn't one thing, but many. I was seeking to make the Divine part of daily life. Douglas Christie writes: "To open oneself to such practice means learning to live in the Divine & in & for the world as a single continuous gesture ... & to see oneself ... as participating in & responsible for the whole." [In sharing my story, I hope] readers who feel detached or alienated from aspects of their own lives might gain hope for healing.
The Diagnosis—I felt relief after months of uncertainty, knowing that Mom had ALS. Then I found out that there is no cure and most people only live 2 to 7 years. Paddy Reid provide a positive image from his visits with a man choosing to deal with his illness in a peaceful fashion. We went to an ALS support group, which provided practical help, but whose main tone was one of bitterness. [I said to my mother], "[We can] treat this as a Zen-like experience of letting go or become as bitter as some of those families in the group."
I suggested several books on Zen, like Thich Nhat Hanh's Peace is Every Step. Reading it was the first stage in what was to become a powerful journey. It would change her life and mine forever. Joining hospice and the hospice chaplain strengthened her faith in God, which had been weaker than mine. Chaplain Bruce Turner not only brought peace to Mom with his powerful belief that our spirits can strengthened even as our bodies fail, he also helped bring an abundance of love into our whole family. We focused on the beautiful light-filled soul of Natalie's spirit by not judging experiences good or bad. Bruce saw "the family come closer together ... and a great feeling of tenderness as they shared the experience." Through the pain something beautiful was growing.
Mom as My Teacher/ Mom's Final Weeks/ Living a Double Life—I wrote: [After visiting Mom], it is clearer to me which things last through eternity & which don't. It seems we will always be growing & learning—developing our consciousness & using it to transform reality ... I also see how suffering can be transformed to prayer—spiritual growth for all who experience or witness it ... It seems like the best way to live life is to focus on those things that will be with us always and give less attention to those that won't, [like emotional games and struggles, striving for success, fame, material possessions, and competition]... I'm living an experience that brings out pity in others, so I am learning how it feels to be pitied and be unable to let people know about all the gifts we've received unless they can see this for themselves ... Compassion without a full awareness of another has a patronizing side—I can only take in in your suffering if I remain in control, if I can be of help to you."
Mom could no longer walk or talk, but her consciousness was rapidly expanding. Mom & Dad's rooms were filled with love; love flowed freely between mom & those who visited her. Perhaps their love remained after they left. Feeling the pain of being only partially seen, I vowed to seek wholeness everywhere in my life. In her final weeks, Mom was fully immersed in the present joyful moment. She chose not to have a stomach tube because she no longer feared dying. She waited for her son David's visit. After David's visit, I sensed that Mom felt her life was complete. She died peacefully the following day, 3 months before her 72nd birthday.
It is powerful to closely watch the doors of life open and close—to know first hand that we are both vulnerable and everlasting. It shakes your world up to have this knowledge—the deepest knowledge of humanity. On a weekend retreat I took, during a walk, I felt completely connected with all people and all things—it is the least lonely state I've ever been in, [and the most loving]. Thomas Kelly wrote: "We are beings whose home is both here and yonder, and we must learn the secret of being at home in both places."
"The Human Edge of the Holy—After my return from retreat, my dreams became an invaluable means of seeing how Spirit was unfolding in my life. Some provided clarity about my work. Reflecting on dreams led me to see a life of conformity where people follow rules at every step. I managed to avoid less important involvements & thus over-commitment. Others indicated that I was beginning to be seen & to see myself as a source of love & nurture as well as of knowledge & that I was unlikely to leave my job. I journaled: My dreams tell me there is another way to live; I want to brave enough to try ... That will mean constantly standing up to limited views of who we are at work ... My dreams feel like my surest knowledge when so much else seems to be confused & shifting. What I dream of I tend to trust as true for me. The big transformation ... was one of leaving behind a mode of living that was distant, unexpressive, & [unauthentic] for one that was deeply loving, expressive, & authentic. I was open to receiving wisdom in my dreams from an inner source that resides in each of us.
A Natural Unfolding—Linda Hogan compares dreams to the blue light "emanating from the deep cracks & openings" in a glacier. ["Dream"] light is given-off light of our [overpowering] mystery, comedy, & catastrophe. I had a dream which portrayed my journey—how I bloomed & filled with love as a natural unfolding from being around the love in Mom's life. Seeing old-fashioned people move outdoors was like ancestors leaving so they could make room for family yet to come. I shared it as vocal ministry & someone said: "We as a meeting face loss of loved ones from death & people leaving but ... we are still connected by our love for each other."
I take trips to my home of origin as opportunities to reconnect with animals and with a familiar landscape. I dreamed of a raft trip downriver to the horse spirit. There are animal spirits in the car on the way home telling me not to overpack since the animal wisdom will be there to rely on in times of need. By dreaming of animal spirits as opposed to animals, I was expressing my desire to connect spiritually with animals and especially with the divine presence in animals. [From another dream, I perceived that]: New consciousness is based on knowing we don't need to struggle so hard in life ... If we seek [only] the basis for our communal and individual security, we can have so much ease and fulfillment now ... The more one believes, the more all benefit. I began reading animal teaching stories and with inspiration from [others], I designed a study about how storytelling is used by some cultures to help children become stronger community members.
Seeking Wholeness Within/ ... Community—3 of my dreams were like sacred poems & were my comfort zone; they continued to guide me [throughout my inner & outer life]. I had a period of dizziness and realized that I was still spinning from all these new shifts in consciousness. On a retreat at Bethany Springs in Kentucky a story called "Toe Woman" was read, about a woman with ALS, who communicated using only her big toe, and moved the heart of one of her helpers. I journal: Danielle, the retreat house director, had not remembered this was the illness my mother had, but chose this story for some reason too important for me to miss ... I was denying the powerful transformation Mom's illness made in my life because of its very power ... How much more powerful might it be to a daughter than to a complete stranger? I am here on this retreat to accept and acknowledge this transformation in my own life ... [In a dream], I was with strangers struggling to get through really deep snow ... Then I realized I could swim through it—if I immersed myself in it, movement was possible. My only hope was to fully immerse myself in spiritual transformation in order to move forward through major changes in my life. Here was a new, more complete commitment to being in a process of transformation.
[My then future husband asked me what my dreams for the future were & I couldn't answer. My life had been more about surviving the present than about dreaming the future. After the dream I just mentioned above], a dream for the future began to emerge—perhaps I might help establish a retreat center near Bloomington, IN. I felt a strong prompting to follow it through. Danielle, the director, felt that the changes I had gone through might be preparing me for this calling. Back home other Quakers were drawn to this vision & soon some began looking for land. The shared set of Quaker practices, decision-making, & values provided for a strong working community. I journaled: This [retreat] community is a compromise admittedly between solitude & a love affair with all humanity, which is what I've sought at times. [This community could] connect me more closely with others.
A Rapidly Flowing Stream—In one dream I saw a rapidly running creek as representing the flow of life in all its freshness as we embarked on this shared journey of developing a retreat center: The water is sparkling with the light from the sun—a sense of the Divine in the world—reflecting back our spiritual natures. The spring-like countryside ... represents the coming forth of new life and new beauty. Bruce Birchard writes: "I experience the Spirit as a stream of love, beauty, and power ... I believe that this living stream ... courses through all creation." I took a semester of unpaid leave and did not seek extra summer pay. I found support for my decision to keep limits on my work in John Woolman's example, when he chose to work only as many hours as he needed in order to have time for spiritual work in his life.
In August 1996, David and I got married and moved to the property adjoining the land that was to become Mt. Gilead Friends Retreat. It was founded as a nonprofit organization. It received informal, ongoing, spiritual, material and financial support from my monthly meeting. Help came also from Pendle Hill, Quaker Hill, as well as from Mennonite and Catholic retreat directors; many non-Quaker joined our growing group of volunteers. We relied on Quaker testimonies of simplicity, harmony, and community.
Each year a group of volunteers met to reflect on values, progress, & goals for the month ahead. The retreat had become a haven for renewal & serenity, and a project that allowed us to experience wholeness. [Dreams were shared anonymously] One dream was particularly striking: "We are milling around each other, each of us cupping our hands together, one on top of the other, in front of us. We are each holding something different, something unknown to us, but very precious ... We don't know what we are giving away; we don't know what we are receiving ... There is no need to know; it is the sharing that seems to matter. I felt deep peace & contentment." What connected us as one was indescribable, which is so often the case with experiencing wholeness.
Seeking Wholeness within Work—Elsewhere, I was continuing my search for greater wholeness at work. The dream images of prison may seem to be an extreme one, but they captured the restricted feeling I had at the time. I had some building blocks at my disposal that perhaps represented my courses' components, which I was trying to make more creative. I felt true liberation, that I was still in the river current. The insights from prison images kept them from being nightmarish. Even at the time Mom was physically imprisoned by her failing body and I was feeling restricted by my work environment, I could see that the source of our liberation lies within us.
I was beginning to challenge my students in a very kind & gentle manner, & to use teaching to point out particular social trends that take us away from our deeper sense of meaning & purpose. I tried to help students grasp their ability to change & influence meaning by how they responded to others. I believe I was able to bring some of my own spiritual liveliness to the classroom. As new ways of teaching & working with groups came into my life, I lost interest in some of my old roles. I was moving into a new phase of work as a teacher & mentor. My spiritual mentoring affected my academic mentoring, & I gained respect and appreciation for my students.
Uniting Heart & Mind/ Forms of Wholeness—I taught a service-learning & story-telling course, where students learned to tell teaching stories from different cultures & then guide children in telling their own stories, in exploring complex moral dilemmas & developing their own ethical views. This course felt like having a new job—one much better suited for me than work focused on research & issues of the mind rather than the heart. My teaching's content now reflected my greater inner wholeness, as did new relationships with my students.
As I reflect on the wholeness sought through work vs. wholeness found in retreat community, I can better see the diverse forms wholeness might take in our lives. The goal for me was not to turn my classroom into a spiritual experience, but to unite Spirit with academic work as well as to unite heart and mind, to bring 2 halves into one whole. My retreat community experience was about bringing all parts together in a seamless manner. The wholeness of Earth is a smooth seamless connection, the state of union in all of life. Douglas Christie writes: "It requires us to relinquish our imaginative attachment to boundaries and hierarchies that keep things distinct and separate and to re-imagine a world that is fluid, relational, organic."
Queries—How have you had a experience of being immersed in Divine love? How have dreams played a part in spiritual your journey? What methods have you found to tap into your "inner source of knowing? How have you had a bitter or opening experience stemming from grief? What are your dreams for the future? How have you had a leading and then discerned what to do? What does wholeness mean to you? How will you seek to live in both the Divine and the world "as a single continuous gesture?"
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458. Building Bridges: 4 Stories from the Bible (by Elizabeth O' Sullivan; 2019)

About the Author—Elizabeth O'Sullivan offered a version of this work as the daily Bible at the Iowa YM (Conservative) yearly sessions in 2017. She writes a column about sustainable farming for her local paper and essays about domestic and sexual violence for the Hope Center (Faribault, MN) blog. Elizabeth farms and teaches group fitness classes. She is pursuing a M.div at UTS Twin Cities.
[Introduction]—Crossing the bridges that keep us apart from one another & from God can be a transcendent experience. On that bridge's other side, our lives won't be the same. Quakers have always been transcending barriers. Often the crossing-over work falls short; disconnection & injustice remains. We keep circling back to the same work as if we can't leave it alone. In the rich & winding tales of Scripture, I read about so many people who were called to cross boundaries between themselves & God or between those who were kept apart by society. Holding stories with all their power & ambiguity can show us how to be faithful in our own lives.
I will focus on the bridges built by: the Israelites led through the desert by Moses; Jonah's story; Isaiah's call; the woman with the [blood hemorrhage's] healing. I delight in the chaotic abundance I find, & I recognize in it many parts of life where the Holy Spirit is at work. Every story, every insight that is worth anything draws us deeper into God's love. Feeling love & compassion stirring in my heart as I read the Bible or seek prayer guidance is confirmation of learning & acting in accord with the Holy Spirit. Something that doesn't open to us with love is a mystery to be revealed later.
The Israelites and the Promised Land—To enter the Promised Land, Israel's ancient people had to cross emotional and spiritual bridges as well as the River Jordan. It brought devastating complexity because it involved liberation & genocide. It was used by European Americans to take Native American Land, and by Martin Luther King to fuel the fight against white supremacy. The Hebrews wandered in the desert for 40 years after having been slaves in Egypt for several hundred years. God performed a series of miracles so the nation didn't starve or die of thirst. In practical terms, they lived in a marginal environment, always at the brink of disaster.
A vision had come to their common ancestor Abraham over 400 years ago from God asking him to go. They believed God's promise that they would be given the land Abraham had talked about & they were wandering in a desert just across a river from that very land. Carrying the hopes of their people, leaders left the arid land & entered as scouts. They carried grapes, pomegranates & figs on poles home to show how delicious that land might be. The scouts were afraid though. "The who live there are fierce, with large towns that are well fortified ... We felt like mere grasshoppers, so we must have seemed to them" (Numbers 13: 28,33). Every day, for generation upon generation, they were given the message they were defeated, and that message became part of how they thought the world would see them. The strong and wounded leaders never made it to the Promised Land; they died while their nation was still wandering in the desert. None who doubted would see the Promised Land.
I don't see failing to see the Promised Land as a an angry God's curse. It is an exploration of what it means to be human; the experience of these ancient people, [especially their scouts], is still reenacted daily with modern people who have survived trauma. Trauma can hold great power for a lifetime, preventing us from entering our yearned-for Promised Lands, even after the menacing physical threat has eased. How many of us stumble in important relationships because of unhealed wounds? How many of us don't love with Christ's passion, because we are afraid of being vulnerable? How many of us struggle with addictions meant to manage anxiety or pain? How many of us have felt too beaten down to pursue God's gift that was entrusted to us? There is still a chance for us to cross that bridge into a Promised Land that will satisfy us with its sweetness.
The next generation of Israelites that approached the Holy Land had their lives defined by wandering through the desert instead of enduring slavery. People already lived in the Promised Land, and Israelites massacred them because they believed and felt entitled to the land and [called by God] to do this. [It was standard procedure]. In that time and place. The same legacy of trauma and violence continues in modern Israel through the brutal struggles for the control of land the oppression of Palestinians. The dominant US culture has barely begun to work through the genocide that undergirds everything which has happened on the land. What looks health disparities and disproportionate poverty today are new manifestations of the older massacres and thefts. How do we act in the wake of this old and ongoing injustice? Where do we find the courage to act?
[Martin Luther King used the story to opposite] effect. He said: "I want you to know tonight; we as a people, will get to the Promised Land. I'm happy tonight. ... I'm not fearing any man. Mine eyes have seen the glory of the coming of the Lord." For him the Promised Land was justice & ending oppression. He said: "It is no longer a choice between violence or nonviolence in this world; it is nonviolence or nonexistence." What would happen to others if we do nothing? [NOT "What will happen to us if we act?] "When people get caught up with what is right ... & sacrifice for it, there is no stopping ...short of victory." God's children are heirs of great power that was meant to be used to build bridges which make God's reign & justice more manifest here on earth.
The Call of Isaiah—This story illustrates what many Friends seek when we go to meeting for worship: if we make ourselves still & available to God, then the Holy Spirit will find us & fill us. It will create a bridge that crosses all worldly obstacles, & it will transform us. Isaiah experienced God in a visceral & earth-shaking manner. When our God of Love has built a bridge to us, we are part of this holy & ancient story. Isaiah probably fears death like other people of his time, & was despairing & overwhelmed by his vision of God in God's temple.
Today's experience of intimacy with the Spirit can lay us low. Crossing a bridge over what separates us from the Divine, we become aware of frailty, impermanence, and "fundamental" beliefs or connections [that no longer apply]. An experience like Isaiah's brings challenges for modern people because we feel like we are going crazy. [Separating and discerning] mystical experience from mental illness [requires] a deep understanding of both mental illness & mystical experiences, which is a rare combination.
Isaiah knew that something amazing surrounded him and that he had a relationship to that glory. He could have cowered in terror and said nothing, but he added his voice to the chorus of angels, which opened the door to his receiving a gift from God. The angel touched his lips with a live altar coal and his "corruption is removed and sin pardoned." [The coal brings to mind the refiner's furnace fire, which] is used to heat metal to draw out the base elements. Many life experiences serve as furnaces, [basically any which] burns out our senses of earthly security and pride. Sometimes people enter the fire because that is where God has led them.
In the fire, we cannot depend on our own strength, and some of us learn how to base our strength on the Lord to survive. The burnt out places where pride and certainty existed may sometimes be filled by a transfixing Light. When we are living intentionally in this Light, we are crossing the bridge between ourselves and God frequently. To survive physically and emotionally, we follow the Light that shines from the burnt out places and from every place where God is building bridges into our lives. I have seen hope and healing in people in my life who have come through terrible situations with faith and a gift to share.
Even so, I picture myself thinking, "Yeah, keep your coals to yourself buddy, because that thing is going to hurt." The process of transformation can be excruciating; Jesus talks about it as being born again. I put myself in the place of the baby, [and] the mother. The process was a gift, which I was only able to accept because I could not decline it and because I was awash in love; I think Isaiah might have felt the same way. After being touched by an angel's coal, he hears the question: Whom shall I send? Who will go for us? I love the "Here I am send me" of the story; it's an amazing way to start the day. Isaiah's story begins with God building a bridge to him and Isaiah responding in faith. Isaiah lived the rest of his life serving the source of all love.
Jonah and the Forgiveness—When a great fish swallows Jonah, he survives & travels to his enemies, calling them to repent. Jonah didn't want to respond to God's call by building a bridge between groups of people to share God's love & forgiveness. Jonah was sent to Nineveh, Assyria's capital. This nation was a fearsome enemy in a time where brutal, torturous warfare & occupation was normal. Some believe that the book was written by Jonah before Assyria's devastation of his kingdom; some believe it was written after the devastation. It seems remarkable that there would be a story of forgiveness for the kingdom that had inflicted murder, torture, & erasure.
I might have run away too. Whatever our experiences have been, we confront formidable systems of oppression and pain, like white supremacy and gender oppression. We can be laid low by the wounds inflicted by our families, especially when they manifest in abuse, addiction or abandonment. Confronted by the enormity of oppression and wounding, we sometimes run away individually and corporately. We really need to get over ourselves and listen to other people and to our own wounded hearts.
Jonah ran the other way, and it caused misery to himself and others. They tried everything to save the boat before finally, reluctantly, tossing him out into the sea. It annoys me that Jonah saddled others with the guilt of his apparent death. Lives can be changed in unpredictable ways when we fail to bring about the healing God set out for us and when we act out of the feelings of shame and fear that come with living on the run. Jonah being swallowed by a great fish seems like an amazing illustration of depression. In his willingness to be thrown off the boat he felt like he was the source of everyone's problems, and the world would be better off without him. The book closes with him still wishing he were dead.
Jonah said: "Out of my despair I cried to you/ and you answered me./ From the belly of Sheol I cried ... You raise my life/ back up from the pit, YHWH, my God." Physically and spiritually, Jonah was immobilized by darkness, which released him only when it was ready. Jonah did something amazing inside that fish. He turned toward God, [which for him meant] turning toward the Temple, the place where God made a direct connection with people. Jonah must have managed just a slight tilt of his head in a subtle act of will that flew in the face of every other message coming from his surroundings and his heart. He turn himself toward the source of all love.
[Jonah's turning toward the source of love, & his message to the Assyrians of their impending destruction] worked out messily, & it worked out miserably, but it worked. Jonah helped bring about transformation of a people who were mired deeply in destructive ways of empire & brutality. Later, Jonah is sitting outside of town waiting in vain to see the city destroyed & wishing he were dead. In the book's very last verses God is speaking to him again, encouraging him to look at this situation through divine eyes of love & mercy. In spite of all the mess & the depression, he ultimately worked with God to build an amazing bridge of love & mercy to a people he had every reason to despise. I am encouraged. [There is hope for us, even with our messy, painful lives].
The Woman with the Issue of Blood—She sneaked up and touched Jesus' robe in search of healing, even though in that time women did not just go around touching men, which in her condition violated clean/ unclean rules. She was probably anemic and exhausted all the time, so her desire for relief overcame the hesitation she might have felt for violating rules. Those laws spell out that it isn't just the woman who is unclean, but anyone who touches her or what she has touched is unclean until evening.
The impurity label she bore reminds me very much of the shame carried by survivors of abuse. Many are left with a legacy of shame around the natural parts of gender & sexuality. This woman can be a representative for survivors of abuse, gathering up her courage to approach Jesus & being transformed by his powers of love. She had nothing left to bring but a little hope & moxie to approach Jesus. Just being close to him would be enough, she believed. I believe that going toward the glory she saw in Jesus is the most significant bridge she had to cross to be healed. This woman didn't leave approaching God to anyone else. Her courage is astounding.
She had to be sneaky, because of the cultural barriers she was bridging to do this. When dozens of people were bumping against Jesus, she reached down, touched his robe, & knew instantly she was healed. As soon as she made contact with him, he stopped, asking who touched him. What was obvious to Jesus wasn't noticed by anyone except the woman. She had no time to process the fact that she was healed, & he wouldn't accept her denial. She had touched a man in public, made him unclean, & now had to publicly face up to what she had done.
She came before Jesus for the 2nd part of her healing. She explained the embarrassing details, probably expecting the worst. Instead, she heard, "My daughter, your faith has saved you; go in peace and be free of your affliction." If she had not heard Jesus call her "daughter" and bid her go in peace and freedom, she [might have lived the following years] in shame and defeat, believing she was never going to be good enough. That kind of belief could have attacked her body, as it often does, and left her with another physical illness.
Jesus freed her from that. The lifting of that miserable emotional weight must have felt as revolutionary as physical healing. I bet she stood differently. [She could more easily look] into other people's faces. [If she was like me, the experience might have left her glowing, & that] glow may have felt like it faded with time, as the details of life press themselves into awareness again. How does a peak experience play out for one throughout one's life? No matter how she or anyone carries that light of Christ over time, the marks Jesus leaves in our hearts can never be taken away; they stay whole & bright & safe, no matter what, never to be undone.
When Jesus wanted her to go forth in peace and be free from suffering, he was asking her to do something that can be extremely difficult. At times in my recovery, peace and freedom has felt like a threat to my existence. I learned that a symptom of ongoing, repeated trauma is that our brains can begin to operate as though our lives depend on remaining in survival mode. We can change the structures of our brain to overcome that, but it often takes very good help, hard work, and time. The aspects of her character that led this woman to Jesus in the first place make me believe she could tackle her next assignment from God with grace. I want us to take any sympathy and hope we might have for this woman from 2,000 years ago and shine those feelings back on ourselves and the people who need it most in our lives. Let's forge ahead into peace and freedom even when the primitive parts of our brains are screaming that this is seriously questionable judgment. Let's root for ourselves as Jesus would and keep focused on building victorious lives.
Go Out and Build—Whether we are called to bridge chasms separating groups of people from one another, or chasms which separate justice and righteousness [from those who need it most], whatever barriers we are called to cross, we have to go. The beginning and the end of our callings to build bridges are not always clear, and even the main part of the action can feel ambiguous or confusing. Use the time you have to work on building the bridges you were born to build. Throw your heart into opening up the next part of that story to the glory, the wisdom, and the love of the one who made us and who guides our every step. This is what our lives have been designed to do. "We are God's work of art, created in Christ Jesus to do the good things God created us to do from the beginning" (Ephesians 2:10).
Queries—How have you experienced the key of love & been drawn more deeply into the love of God when reading the Bible? What particular story spoke to you on this theme of transcending barriers? When have you had to cross emotional and spiritual bridges that separated you from the Promised Land or wander in the desert sustained only by God? How did God's forgiveness play a role? What is your understanding or experience of the refiner's fire and transformation? How have you, like Jonah, fled from a calling or leading? How is emotional healing more difficult than bodily healing? How have you and/ or your faith community lived the work of building connection and transcending barriers?
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459. The Workings of the Spirit of God Within: The Offices of Christ (by David Johnson; 2019)

About the Author—David is a convinced Conservative Friend, a member of Queensland Regional Meeting of Australia YM, & is affiliated with Marlborough MM, OH YM (Conservative). He helped set up Silver Wattle Quaker Centre in Australia. He & his wife led Year-End Retreats (2018) in California & Australia. David led Becoming a Fuller Quaker study session in Australia, & John's Gospel: Refreshment & Challenge at Pendle Hill.

Introduction—As child & teenager I learn Bible narratives, & about Jesus as part of God within the box of Anglican creeds & liturgies. Liberal unprogrammed Quaker tradition avoided Jesus & God words. The Inner Guide's voice came to me in a Sri Lankan, Buddhist monastery. I witnessed holiness of many from other faiths. I began to know Australian Aboriginal people' spirituality. I experienced the Spirit through trees, plants, & earth.

The 1st Quakers' written experiences have united my childhood learning about Jesus & a universal Spirit of God in an inward contemplative spiritual practice. The essence of the 1st Quakers' spiritual teachings is:

a divine presence, a Spirit of God, born into and manifested in every person; the Spirit shows us Truth, what is right and enables us to do it; this Spirit was perfectly manifested in Jesus of Nazareth, did not cease at his crucifixion, and is with us at every moment; in following this Spirit, however it manifests itself, we find we experience more of that Light; our measure of light is increased.

As Fox and early Friends followed this Light inwardly, it changed them completely. They became acutely aware of their own spiritual condition, as individual and community. Their writings has enabled me to name some of my own experience. In his writings Fox uses 18 different terms for what he calls the "offices of Christ."

Offices of Christ: Role, Function and Fruit

And might all come to know Christ to be their ... shepherd to feed them, their bishop to oversee them, and their prophet to open divine mysteries to them ... and be fit temples for God and Christ to dwell in. Fox (1652)

Being that the Lord is king, Lord and lawgiver to all that are under his government and is supreme head and judge in the consciences ... all people that come to be guided by this law ... they by so doing come into God's covenant and promise ... and all people meet here together ... in the unity of the [Christ] spirit. Fell (1660)

These are the true meetings and gatherings, who feel Christ in the midst of them ... [as] your priest that offered himself up for you, and sacrifices for, and makes you holy and clean, that he may present you blameless up to the holy and pure God. Fox (1675)

"[The Savior is that in which], without visions or the sound of speech or human mediation ... all weight, agony ... unreality fall away. [We] perceive living goodness, joy, light ...clear irradiating, uplifting ... unequivocal reality from deep inside. Fogelklou (1985)

Fox draws our attention to different ways [& roles] in which Light works. This essay explores 6 of these roles, their functions and fruits:

Role Function Fruit

Bishop watch over and stabilize hope

Shepherd lead into spiritual pastures gratitude

Prophet teach righteousness peace

Ruler give clear directions courage & unity

Priest sanctify words and actions compassion

Savior restore life and innocency humility & trust

2 words—"comforter" and "counselor"—refer to the Spirit of God [and qualities found in several of the above roles] rather than individual offices [and are used sparingly] in George Fox's Journal.

What Does the Word "Christ" Mean?—The Greek word "Christ" was 1st used to name the Spirit of God inspiring prophets and being manifested in Jesus around 40CE; it means "anointed," and was used as an equivalent of "Messiah." [In the millennia that this concept has been around, it has been] overlaid with all manner of doctrines, theologies, and painful memories; Jesus as Christ is my guide and ruler.

Bishop—Sometimes there is a feeling, as if someone is holding on to secure us, despite all the disturbing turbulence of the surrounding world and the conflicts in our thoughts and emotions. Fox as a young man, saw that: "people who professed and admitted to the Christian religion were whole and at ease [with that] which was my misery; they loved that which I would have been rid of ... the Lord [stayed] my desires upon the Lord ... Christ it was who enlightened me, that gave me his light to believe in, and gave me hope ... revealed himself in me, gave me spirit and grace, which I found sufficient in the deeps and in weakness ... the Lord in his mercy did keep me ... hope underneath held me, as an anchor at the bottom of the sea, and anchored my soul to its Bishop."

Fox understood "bishop" as someone mature, holy, temperate, & faithful; he isn't mentioning a human being as bishop. He is putting words around a spiritual experience. This Spirit oversees spiritual lives, & has a function that leads to good; it steadies us in times of trouble. The internal bishop can provide that guidance & support far more reliably than an external one. It said to me, "I am always with you whether or not you are aware of me."

Shepherd—How have you felt the Spirit of God move within you to pick up a book & quickly be drawn to a passage that speaks instantly to your condition? [By "speaks" I mean] a spiritual understanding, opening, morsel of food, an immediate awareness of a truth I need to know. In the sense I feel led to this book, the Spirit of God acted like a shepherd, leading me to a pasture of spiritual sustenance. It might also be following a forest path to be given a message by a vista, animal or tree. We feel heartened, replenished, spiritually fed. The Spirit of God is so carefully attuned to our spiritual journey that: "Christ your shepherd directs you to [heavenly & spiritual things], according to your capacity, age, & growth; & so to know him that God has sent to feed you."

Prophet/ Ruler—The office prophet isn't primarily to predict, but to teach us by opening divine mysteries & bringing understanding of the spirit, & to make clear clear when we are straying from the path & what to do about it. The prophetic inward voice & Light is a teacher, instructing individuals "in things that belong to ever-lasting peace." The inner voice, [when ignored], doesn't leave entirely, but returns many times to sound a quiet warning. [This calls for] paying attention to the Spirit of God within me & learning in small things to obey the guidance. The prophet voice seeks to turn us away from worldly preoccupation & acquisitiveness, & to follow the ways of God. Fox wrote: "Your teacher is within you; look not forth: it will teach you, both lying in bed & going abroad, to shun all occasion of sin & evil." We aren't here for praise, but to bring a different consciousness.

Fox and early Friends uses several words to convey the role of ruler: king; lord; governor; lawgiver; master; director. The spiritual connotation of Christ as Ruler is very different, despite the worldly terms being used to convey the role. Christ calls us to an inward holy obedience and discipline. The testimony of Margaret Fell [quoted in the Roles of Christ section] is that as we each resign our own will and learn to be ruled by the Spirit of God we become a community, and the more courage God provides to do ["fearful task]. This path of living requires a level of yielding to which we may not be accustomed, [and less compromising then we are prone to].

Stephen Crisp writes: "When your minds are taken hold of, by any of the corruptible things of this world ... a lusting is kindled after ... those things ... Then the reasoner & consulter gets up in thee & starts a question: ... [How] may I keep in the way of Truth of the Lord & yet do this ... thing that my heart desireth? ... I will have my will, my lust ... satisfied this one time, & that isn't much ... this is but a small matter ... others [will satis-fy] greater [lustful] things than this. Such reasonings enter the mind, & this grieves ... that good & righteous tender spirit ...brings weight & oppression upon it ... [It] withdraws again from thee ... & a night comes upon thee."

The 1st Quakers experienced "divine protection," analogous to a world ruler's promised worldly protection. Under Praemunire, people could be required to swear an oath of allegiance to the king; refusing meant their profit was forfeited & they were "out of the king's protection." Many Quakers died in jail after refusing to swear the oath; Margaret was convicted of refusing, & declared, "I am not out of Almighty God's protection."

Priest—The priestly role is broadly to draw attention to sacredness that is before us, not just in communion rites, but always & in all places. There are people whose presence, words & actions draw the best of us, & tends to encourage awareness of the sacred, drawing us to daily holiness. While some may observe we have no priests, the truth of the matter is the reverse: we have no laity. "Chosen" means called into total commitment to follow what God asks, to surrender to a holy, obedient life, being guided by the Spirit, and in, not of the world.

The Spirit of God as priest sanctifies those around us with our words and actions by listening to and following what the Spirit of God within is asking us to do to bring the presence of God into the world around us. George Fox wrote: "Be patterns, be examples ... that your carriage and life may preach among all sorts of people and to them." Fox was saying live up to the priestly role within you, then you will speak to the sacred in those around you, be a blessing to them, and judge less. We tend to become more compassionate and more charitable.

Priest: Redeemer, Savior, Physician, Healer, and Giver of Life—As we consent to doing what God asks of us, regretting past errors but not indulging in guilt and begin, of our own free will, to follow the Light in small things we find ourselves being charged. The early Quakers experienced a sense of coming into a just or right relationship with God, a sense that God forgave sins and welcomed the soul into a new life and relationship with God. Jesus is doing the work of a physician and healer, on both physical and spiritual levels. The Spirit of God, known as Christ, continues to do such such mysterious work. In Jesus' Aramaic, there is no word for "salvation," [but rather] a bestowal of life, or "to be made alive."

The Spirit of God, Christ was and continues to be the power through which all things are made, and without which nothing is made that is made, and in which is there is life. Jesus said, "I came that may have life and have it abundantly. The old person dies and a new person is born; life begins again on a new foundation. Sandra Cronk wrote: "A profound re-patterning begins in us, [perhaps] because our lives' old structure has broken up ... Creaturely pillars will no longer serve as our lives' center ... a new center can emerge: God ... The dark night journey has re-shaped our activity patterns, our values & whole being so that God is ... center." The 1st Quakers experienced that their tendency to fall into error had been mysteriously diminished within them. As saving grace takes hold we know we cannot do it of ourselves. [For all the change], we do not lose who we are. The Spirit of God is striving within every one of us to effect this change, in most cases very gradually, though occasionally with astounding energy and experience. We are given more humility and trust to follow the Light.

Summary—This Christ, God's Spiritual presence, is given to us to lead us individually to live more fully in God's presence, and to exercise Christ"s offices for the uplifting of Quaker community. Early Quakers had assurance that God's Spirit would see them through. George Fox preached in 1653: "If they came to walk in this light, [all] might therein see Christ to be the author of their faith, & the finisher thereof; their shepherd to feed them; their priest to teach them, their great prophet to open divine mysteries, [their constant companion]."

We experience the role of shepherd when we allow ourselves to be led and guided, and we can then guide others. When the voice is heard calling us back or deeper into relationship with God, calling for change in life-style, that is Christ's prophetic office. The inward voice calling us to speak up or act to call our community back into line or calling country back, that is Christ working as a prophet. We need to pray for humility and courage to go forward in our work. What God asks begets an increase in the courage and ability to do it.

When we speak and act from God's Spirit to the hearts of those we meet, the priestly role of Christ is at work; we accept our sanctifying role in the world. We depend on God's inward spiritual guidance, daily meditation and prayer, communal worship and personal reading. We are to work from a well overflowing so that the superabundant water is available continuously for our ministry. Fox and early Quakers declared that inward spiritual presence, Christ, had a greater, more perfect, more truthful power to teach and save than any worldly person or book. Identifying Christ's offices can sensitize us deeply to God's Spirit moving within each of us and our community. The inward Christ becomes better known to us as each of the offices are exercised within individually and outwardly in our communities.

In summary, the offices have the following functions and fruits:

Role Function Fruit

Bishop watch over and stabilize hope

Shepherd lead into spiritual pastures gratitude

Prophet teach righteousness peace

Ruler give clear directions courage & unity

Priest sanctify words and actions compassion

Savior restore life and innocency humility & trust

We learn to trust & are given more faith, & Christ's attributes are more apparent. I invite you to be more open to these offices & be willing to name them within yourself. Take the time to note in which office the Light is working & leading you to even deeper levels than you have reached thus far in your spiritual journey toward God.

Queries—What role does Christ, or the Spirit of God within, play in your spiritual life? In what ways does divine presence, every one, Spirit showing Truth, Spirit manifested in Jesus of Nazareth, Spirit increasing our measure of light, resonate with your own experience? Which of Christ's offices do feel drawn or recognize from you spiritual experiences? What responsibility do we bare to be faithful to the Spirit in us? How does God/Christ and the Inward Light fulfill all the offices described? How have you been changed by following the leadings of the Spirit? How might all Christ's offices shape our collective worship, our Quaker community, and our outward ministry in the world?
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460. On Vocal Ministry: Nurturing the Community through Listening

and Faithfulness (by Barry Crossno & J. Brent Bill; 2019)

About the Authors—Barry Crossno is General Secretary of Friends General Conference (FGC). He carries a special concern to deepen Quaker spiritual practices while also making Quaker spirituality more visible and accessible, through programming public speeches, written works and workshops.
J. Brent Hill is a recorded minister, retreat leader, photographer, and author. His books include: Beauty, Truth, Life, and Love; Holy Silence; and Life Lessons from a Bad Quaker. He has been a local meeting pastor, FGC staff person, non-profit director, Earlham School faculty member, and lives on Ploughshares Farm (IN).
[Introduction]—[Most] meetings struggle with worship time being used for political diatribe, lecture, or announcements, things not close to vocal ministry. Perhaps you weren't told about how to season a message (or what "seasoning" means), or about what is or isn't vocal ministry. You may be unsure how to respond to Spirit & how to serve community with ministry. Vocal ministry is spiritual practice. We will explain "vital vocal ministry," messages that take the community of faith deeper into what is helpful, loving, challenging, and timeless.
Worship—Meeting for Worship is at the heart of Quaker faith & practice. We gather as individuals & as a community in a particular place & at a particular time to listen to God speaking through each other. We gain strength for living our days & being faithful witness to the Light in an often dark world. We are quieting our minds to hear the leadings of the Holy Spirit, to be shown greater truths, and to be searched by the Light and laid bare. Worship is about faithfulness to that which is larger than ourselves; our lives are not ours alone. Our lives are part of a community of faith rooted in a long spiritual tradition that is growing and evolving today.
It is in worship that we surrender our selves to the great mysteries of how we "live and move and have our being" in God. Instead of trying to codify or intellectualize it, we come to be enveloped and changed by it. We seek an expanse beyond our selves, beyond the limitations of the self, where we are touched by what connects us all. Worship is about the care of the communal body we are part of and that the Spirit is enveloping. The "Inward Christ" is present in our gathered worship to guide, instruct, comfort, & challenge. [Into our communion of] cares and concerns, joys and sorrows, frets and elations, the Spirit comes to heal, help, rejoice and care for us.
Meeting for worship is a time for us to be held in the Light, in the Divine Presence, to see love, be stripped of our blindness, be renewed, be healed, and be a channel for healing and insight through loving and prophetic witness. We hope to help you ponder possibilities and explore personal transformation, so you can be faithful to Spirit while serving those with whom you worship, the people with your spiritual journey is intertwined.
The Importance of Vocal Ministry—George Fox "had a [great] gift in opening Scriptures. He would go to the marrow of things & show the mind, harmony & fulfilling of them with much plainness & to great comfort & edification ... [with a] fewness & fullness of words." Caroline Stephen [writes of many voices of vocal ministry]: "[With] harmonies & correspondences ... it is sometimes as part-singing compared with unison... [Perhaps] some of the motherly counsels I have listened to would reach hearts [perhaps] closed to the masculine preacher."
The potential is there for the Holy Spirit to move—indeed, compel through the Inward Guide—anyone to offer a message or song or prayer. Truly gathered worship means full participation of everyone, holding the meeting in the Light, and speaking if so led. The leading to speak can be frightening, & was often resisted for months by those called, who would say in spirit, "Lord, I am weak and altogether incapable of such a task." We should come to worship prepared to receive ministry, but also be willing to give it if called by the Divine to do so.
How are you called to share a message during worship? These are guidelines to assist you. As always the movement of the Spirit is the final authority. [NOTE: In the case of a YES answer, proceed to the next step.] [NOTE: In the case of a NO answer, one always Returns to Centering Worship]
1. Worship Begins: Center, open self & wait. 2. If a message starts to form, test the message. 3. Is it from the Holy Spirit, & not from intellect/ ego? 4. Is it meant for community? 5. Is it more than response to an earlier speaker? 6. Is it prophetic, grounded, not partisan or a lecture? 7. Is it clearly worded & one you are compelled to speak? 8. Share the Message. 9. Return to Centering Worship.
Speaking that is not true ministry can hinder or even derail the sense of a gathered meeting or of spiritual life and transformation. Learning about true vocal ministry can help us become conduits that hold, nurture, and share godly insights with the communal body and the world. We seek to convey things that we feel will help Friends determine when they are truly led of the Holy Spirit. It may help those elders faced with nurturing those who have gifts of vocal ministry, or those who speak sincerely but without grounding.
When to Speak During Meeting for Worship: Worship Begins; Open Your Self, and Wait—How is this message from the Holy Spirit and not from Intellect or Ego? There are things you can do to prepare for deep worship: pay attention to breathing; set aside concerns; embrace those that continue to bubble up; allow the others to drop away; welcome the Divine; relax into God's surrounding love; acknowledge and pray for others in the room; [experiment] to find the right way for you to center at this time. You may experience the space of spiritual communion as: formless; unnameable; a place of prayer or nudges of the Spirit towards vocal ministry.
How is this Message Intended for the Community?—There is a difference between the beautiful & banal workings of your mind & what comes from beyond you. Some Spirit-work is just for you, insights & truth, to be pondered not shared. In other offerings, you begin to sense that the message you hear is meant for more than just you. How does the message contain: love; caring; beauty; persistence; rightness; harmony with knowledge of God; [calling others] to the heart of the Divine? Does it come from a heart of love? The delivery & tone of a message needs to be full of care. Is there a certain beauty, call to creation, re-creation, or restoration?
If your thoughts and heart move away from the message to something else, allow the message to move on too. If it returns, then pay attention to its perservance. In true ministry, a message has persistence, timeliness and timelessness. How is this message consistent with your own life and witness? How does it fit rightly with where the hearers are—or need to be? How is your personal story part or not part of the message you have been given to deliver? How are you being called to be faithful? How harmonious is the message with your understanding of God's nature and way? Lack of harmony is reason enough not to share. How is your body responding to the nudge to speak (e.g. quaking, heart pounding; palms sweating)?
How is this message more than a response to an earlier speaker?/ How is this message prophetic and grounded and not partisan or a lecture?—How is it the Spirit reaching in & through you to others & not you thinking others need to hear? Let the message sit in your soul & work there first. What effect will it have on listeners? How will that effect be similar to the work it did in you? If one is asked by another whether a response is appropriate, one should advise them to return to a state of worship. You must be careful that you're not responding out of ego, a desire to contradict or correct. If something damaging or prejudiced is spoken, there are steps you & the meeting can take. Response can, & most likely should be made outside of worship, perhaps even engaging a member of Ministry & Counsel. It is proper to build on messages given earlier in the worship if so led by Spirit, thereby amplifying & reinforcing the Spirit's prevailing messages. How might someone mistake this message for a personal announcement, partisan statement, or a lecture? Find a more appropriate place after worship for this announcement, statement, or lecture.
How clearly is this message worded; how compelled are you to speak?—How much Quaker jargon are you using? You don't need every word to line up like a script. How clear are you about how to say the words you're called to speak? Make it easy to hear. Whether it will be heard is up to the worshipers' hearts & the Spirit working in them. If, after listening & testing, you feel led, speak clearly & loudly, so all can hear. Spirit doesn't want simply words heard, but that our spirits speak to the spirits of those gathered. Eloquence might convince heads, but hearts are moved to action by authentic soulful sharing. Use only enough words to communicate & trust Spirit to amplify their meaning deep within listeners. In worship we seek to be a conduit for something that is arising from a deeper place. The queries suggested here are not meant to be absolutes. Sensitivity to the Spirit's movements means there cannot be absolutes. The message may not satisfy all or any of the guides you've followed, except its persistence and insistence. Faithfulness then requires that you rise and speak.
More Discernment on Prophetic Speech versus Partisan Political Speech—[Saying that politics have no place in vocal ministry is also not an absolute]. Prophecy & politics are often interwoven, & one of the hall-marks of being a Friends is attempting to live a life of integrity—to have our personal beliefs & experiences harmonize with our action & way of being in the world. Harmonizing testimonies with our actions in the world sometimes prompts Spirit to have us stand and advocate for certain political or economic principles or policies.
We must discern the difference between vocal ministry that is prophetic & politically partisan speechifying. Certain messages may be experienced as partisan hectoring, not prophetic ministry if done during worship. This may trigger poor vocal ministry in a heated response. A message of prophetic ministry with political implications is a message from Spirit in service to a room of people who have all gathered to know that which is larger than themselves; the political implications are to be explored personally and corporately outside of worship.
Straightforward political advocacy in worship is sharing personal thoughts in a way that leaves some in the room feeling they are a captive audience for someone's political beliefs. A personal political announcement or advocacy includes: political action without dialogue; names of political parties and politicians; assumptions of common opinions; naming systems of oppression or operations that need to be unpacked. What is the spiritual basis for what you feel led to say? How is it rooted in an understanding of how we are to be the Religious Society of Friends in this place and time?
Vocal ministry needs to be free of partisan speech that lacks prophetic grounding, that divides ideologically instead of calling us to examine our souls and actions in this world. It is as much about how we speak prophetically as what we speak. When a political position is added onto prophetic ministry, it skips over the dialogue that is necessary to explore and develop a shared communal response to a core issue. True ministry draws us closer to the breaking heart of God and to the creation and re-creation of God's beloved community.
The most powerful vocal ministry will reference principles, not particular public figures; will illustrate the issue's universality; will invite prayer & dialogue; & will gather the community to work with Divine assistance to bring a better world. A good example of vocal ministry on environment is: "Friends, I have been praying about ... how rising waters are displacing people... Spiritually... we have responsibility to care for the earth ... [&] for those who are displaced & suffering ... Our response must go beyond individual charity... How can we faithfully find common ground that guides us & helps our broader community find responsible solutions for the earth's & fellow citizens' problems with the dignity that creation & every God-child deserves?"
The same ministry can be more emotionally & perhaps spiritually charged, [while remaining] a genuine witness for Spirit, such as: "We are to tend the garden, Friends, not grind it to dust [in] mistreatment of the earth ... [the evidence is all around us]. I can feel God's recriminations boring a hole through my soul! Flooding is ... the new normal; we must [find how] to address it ... We must find a response that meets the problem's scale ... Let us [now] pray together, study together, & find ways forward to serve the community as the Holy Spirit demands!"
To be ministry, a message must be one that rings true & whose words open up, not close down the listener. What made one message for reflection, & another one you couldn't hear? We now need prophetic messages, not purely partisan ones, messages that lifts up what needs to be examined & leaves solutions for the gathered, faithful people's shared discernment at a later time. The real test of vocal ministry is the Spirit's call to speak.
A Culture of Vocal Ministry—Every meeting, church, & group of Friends, has a vocal ministry culture & expectations, which are meant to increase chances deep messages from the Spirit will be voiced & less helpful sharing will be filtered out. It is important to learn expectations, so we can avoid disharmony in ministering. Ways need to be found to reveal unstated, invisible expectations. Naming expectations can be helpful to elders & committees in guiding Friends in vocal ministry discernment, & encouraging a sensitivity to the Spirit's movement. Expectations are the pipes through which the Spirit's message flows; these pipes can & should change.
Roger Wilson says, "As Christians, we need to see ourselves as God's plumbers, [maintaining the flow of] living waters that can quicken the daily life of men, women & children ... All patterns Jesus showed us of ways to share living water, caring, & service challenge [our culture's] pattern of Mammon with its quicker results ... "
"17th century Friends were good plumbers ... Our Quaker forbears challenged the conventions of the day—in politics, commerce, law, established church, social etiquette, education, war, poverty, and crime ... They found living answers about the ways in which men and women might go about living together."
Difficult Speech during Meeting for Worship—What do meetings need to do when faced with speaking in worship that doesn't rise to the level of vocal ministry; when something racist, homophobic, factually wrong, or injurious is said? Friends have learned from institutional racism among Friends that focusing on the speaker's intention, not the impact on others, allows injustice to persist. The worst thing a meeting can do is ignore something racist, sexist, or homophobic in vocal ministry; the equality testimony is also then ignored.
Some words & ideas are so harmful that it's necessary to consider "resetting" the room by calling Friends back to shared principles. Elders or Ministry & Counsel (M & C) committee members are especially called to caring for the quality of vocal worship in this instance. If called to reset the room, your actions should be guided by love & care for every person in the room. As a member of M & C you aren't seeking to shame anyone. You must assure the gathered body, including those hurt, that you noticed what happened, it wasn't in good order, it does not reflect the meeting's values, and that such speech and the ideas underneath it will be addressed.
[Such an occasion could be addressed with]: "... During meeting for worship, race issues were referenced ... We as a meeting have work to do [about] how we ... talk about race, nurture & affirm one another. M & C will be active on this issue in the coming week." Here you acknowledged obliquely that: something occurred; we need to do better; it will be addressed; & you will be available for consultation. Your goal is to provide opportunities for education & healing as rapidly as possible. Another possible response is: "I hope the speaker & I can talk. If anyone else was made uncomfortable, I hope you talk lovingly with the speaker or with me, as you are led."
[Dealing with People Speaking with Intent to Harm]—You may have a speaker who speaks at length with intention to harm or with disregard for others' feelings. You may feel called to stand in silent eldering until they stop talking & sit down. After meeting, you & another member of M & C should approach the speaker & say, "I know you; I don't believe you meant harm. It feels important to be in right relationship with you around it. When can we get together to talk about it? We suggest at least 2 Friends address the issue. When meeting breaks, announce that anyone concerned about why you stood is invited to speak to you about your action.
We must take care not to brush aside harmful words because of our relationship with the the speaker; we might compromise our own lived truth, while further hurting those Friends who may be deeply grieved by what was said. We do no one, even one we love deeply, a favor when we gloss over opportunities for them to see the issue & grow. [Talking with people about questionable speaking in worship] is sometimes described as "calling people in." Your starting intention in it is a deepening of the relationship of this person with the community.
What do we do if someone says something that is simply factually wrong during vocal ministry? Response depends on the level of error & whether time is a factor. If the factual error is crucial, you may feel called to correct the error during announcements; don't make a habit of this. In many meetings members of M & C make a practice of speaking to people in 2's to communicate that this isn't personal interaction but a committee action. If you are open to the help of the Spirit, the speaker may then correct their misstatement in the future.
What if you are the person who offended, and you still feel you were being faithful? You might feel surprised, embarrassed, fearful, or angry and unjustly targeted. Do your best to take a moment and breathe before you react. Remember, most Friends find it difficult to challenge or point out hurt to someone. If they are doing so, you should listen closely and try to lay aside defensiveness. You might say, "I'm still not seeing it. But I recognize the hurt you feel. I want to continue to try to understand. Can I have some time to talk to others and pray on this?" This enables you to help preserve the community and to carry an openness in your heart even if you're still confused or feel you're right. There may better ways to address situations such as these. Here we simply seek to open a conversation so that you and your meeting can prepare, as you are led, to act quickly and thoughtfully, and always be motivated by love and concern for the speaker as well as for the worshipers.
Final Thoughts [& Queries] on Vocal Ministry—Continuing revelation is at vocal ministry's heart. Engaging in vocal ministry relies upon trust & surrender. [The provision for] our and the gathered body's actual needs are present. Those needs may not conform to our own expectations. With a responsive communal life, worship will vary. The room may remain held in the deep, unbroken silence of Christ's presence. Or the Spirit may speak repeatedly through the gathered body, with a message needed by some or all in the room; we need to listen.
The spiritual practice and dedication of each person in the body adds to the readiness of the meeting to be a vessel of revelation, reconciliation, and hope. By being faithful to the call to offer ministry, we affirm the deep spiritual truth that we are not alone. Being gathered as a community allows us as humans to surrender to the duality of our mortality and our inter-wovenness with that which has no beginning or end. Expectant waiting and vocal ministry open us to experiences that are affirmations of the love we all seek. They give clarity and affirm that there is an ocean of Light that pours over the ocean of darkness in this world.
What constitutes authentic ministry for you? How do you discern whether to speak in vocal ministry? [Has it ever taken some time and persuasion for you] to share vocal ministry you've been given by the Spirit? When you look over queries regarding discerning vocal ministry, which seem the most relevant to you and your meeting? What are your ways of recognizing what comes from beyond your self? How is ministry that invites listeners closer to the heart of God a regular part of your meeting? What qualities make you listen to a challenging message more deeply?

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Quaker?Quick!Read

Friday, July 1, 2016

PHP 441-460

441. Making a Portrait of Jesus (by John Lampen; 2016)

447 Living in Dark Times (By Rex Ambler; 2017)

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