381. Fire of the Heart: Norman Morrison’s Legacy in Viet Nam & at home (by Ann Morrison Welsh; 2005)
About the Author—After the sacrificial death of her husband, Norman Morrison, in a Vietnam War protest, Anne Morrison became active in peace work, especially with the American Friends Service Committee. She writes for 2 NC weeklies. She & her husband, Robert Welsh, are members of Swannanoa Valley Friends Meeting in Black Mountain, NC. This essay originated as a talk in February 2005 to a Holy Ground spiritual retreat.
Norman Morrison has given his life today to express his concern over the great loss of life & human suffering caused by the war in Viet Nam. He was protesting our government’s deep military involvement in this war. He felt that all citizens must speak their true convictions about our country’s actions. Ann Morrison Welsh
High on a hill/ the peace dove settles at last./ Let us walk together/ young and old,/ children leading the way/ through soft green rice paddies/ up the gentle slope/ to the pagoda … Buddha songs drift/ across the paddies./ Once my country rained fire/ on your people./ Now we walk down the hill/ together, laughing,/ to the temple of our friends. Christina Morrison
[Introduction]—On November 2, 1965, my husband, Norman R. Morrison, gave his life in protest of the Viet Nam War, standing 40 feet below Robert McNamara’s office. Something beyond him compelled him to try to stop the war in the strongest way he could imagine, using self-immolation in the Buddhist tradition. I was totally unprepared for this kind of witness, as it was not my own.
A Place to Begin/ The Poetic Vision/ 2 Mules to a Wagon—Until I was a toddler I had a loving nanny, [who had to leave] when my father lost his job. I developed a deep bond with my grandmother Calla Lilly Marshall who died unexpectedly of a heart attack. My parents, William Howard & Mary Frances Marshall Corpening were loving & educated, egalitarian & democratic. My brother John was willful and a challenge to parent; my role was as a quiet, helpful peacemaker. I wondered why the black children in the little house near us did not go to our school just across the road. Dad brought the issue of segregation to the fore by announcing to his students that he for one was ready to integrate. He revered the natural world and believed in the general goodness of people.
I was raised in the Methodist Church; I became an agnostic. While at Duke, my intellectual world and spiritual worldview expanded through teachers who took seriously their teaching and their perspective on things that mattered. Then in the midst of my disbelief I discovered Quakerism. Helen Bevington opened the world of poetry for me, especially that of Gerard Manley Hopkins, who opened a heretofore unknown doorway of imaginative language for me; his faith spoke powerfully to my condition.
In 1955, I met Norman Morrison, a Christian, passionate pacifist, intense & work-driven. He loved nature, loved to dance, & was kind of quirky. A history major at the College of Wooster, he was headed for the Presbyterian ministry, [even while] he was exploring the Society of Friends. After 2 rocky years of long-distance courtship, we decided to link our fates, & were married in September 1957, under the care of Durham Friends Meeting. We had a year of study at New College Seminary & the University of Edinburgh & traveled through Europe.
[We moved to Charlotte, NC and helped establish a meeting there]. Norman joined efforts to desegregate the downtown movie theater, and we boycotted local segregated restaurants. The 1960’s, with the Civil Rights Movement and the growing peace movement, were challenging and turbulent. The world distracted us at times from paying enough attention to our children. Norman was excited and challenged by his position as executive secretary of Stony Run Friends Meeting. He had many gifts, but at times lacked diplomacy and patience. He could have pursued other careers, but he chose religion and Quaker service and would stick to it to the end.
November 2, 1965—During 1965 Norman focused increasingly on the war. He tried all the conventional ways to protest the war, but they did not seem to work. Norman kept to himself the overwhelming mission he suddenly felt called to that day. Had I known, I would have gone to any length on earth to stop him, even calling the police. He and Emily were gone when I got back from picking up Ben and Christina from school.
That night I got 2 phone calls: 1 from a Newsweek reporter; one from Fort Myer, saying that Norman had severely burned himself. He did not say whether Norman was dead or not and I did not ask; I knew intuitively that he was. George Webb, Harry Scott and I drove to Fort Myer. A nurse was waiting with Emily, wrapped in a white blanket. It was an incredible relief to hold Emily in my arms again. I wrote a brief statement that George wrote on a scrap of paper & read to the reporters. [The statement is shared at the beginning of these impressions].
A Changed World—What I think happened is this: Norman had packed Emily’s bag and taken her with him to the Pentagon. He held his child in his arms as long as he could without harming her, then he put her down or gave her to someone. Emily’s proximity to danger was horrifying. Her harming or death would have been unspeakable and maybe unforgivable. Had he allowed himself to feel his love for them or to feel how much they and I would suffer, I believe the pain and loss might have stopped him.
[He wrote a letter making clear the certainty of his decision, and the answer to his prayers]. He did it “for the children in the priest’s village (referring to a village that was bombed after Viet Cong passed through)]. I tried to explain their father’s death to Ben and Christina. My words may have been a noble effort, but they were woefully inadequate. The children and I should have cried our hearts out together. Because we did not, I am afraid we all remained in a state of shock and frozen grief for years.
Who was Norman Morrison?/ After November 2nd—Norman claimed loyalty to “the Way of the Cross.” He tried to live by the love commandment of the New Testament. [He and his brother Ralph had a strict taskmaster for a father and supportive grandparents. After graduating the College of Wooster, he went on to Western Theological Seminary in Pittsburgh. Norman had a loyalty to “the philosophy of guided drift.” He tried to live his life attuned to an inner guide, the source of inspiration about the course he was to follow.
I felt I had no time to grieve or be depressed. I had to be strong for the children’s sake. I tried to carry on his witness for peace, to do what I could to end the war. [I had] the personal support of local & faraway friends. We heard from people overseas. The Vietnamese government issued a postage stamp in Norman’s honor, & President Ho Chi Minh issued an invitation to visit Viet Nam. I didn’t want to do something that might be seen as taking sides. I believed that Norman had given his life for an end to the war, not a victory of one side over the other.
Many understood Norman’s radical witness, & many didn’t. What he did was in the realm of spirit rather than reason. I joined the American Friends Service Committee’s board of directors & served on their national Peace Education Committee. I married Bill Beidler, an old family friend in 1967. He offered us much-needed love, support & stability. Our marriage lasted 5 years. Even though Bill had brought many gifts to our family, as a marriage it was a still birth. There was a huge emptiness. I was searching for meaning in my live & how to live with pain, regret, death & loss.
Loss Upon Loss—In 14 years I lost 5 members of my family, including Norman and my son Ben. We desperately struggled with Ben against a rare form of bone cancer. Even though it was to be a losing battle, Ben was stoic, strong and good spirited, considering what he endured. Ben and I were close, attuned to each other’s feelings. After he died, I wanted to die. I slowly let out my feelings and discovered my heart. In the darkness of his years of pain and final dying, Ben’s spirit continued to shine; even in anger it shone. “The rock shining dark rays, and the rounded/ Crystal the ocean his beams of blackness and silence/ Edged with azure, bordered with voices … There is nothing but shines though it shine darkness …”
I married Bob Welsh in the manner of Friends in 1974; he had been a great aid & comfort in Ben’s final year. Several years ago I found myself on the doorstep of depression. I felt worthless, out of touch with myself & God. [I saw a scene] that conveyed to me the palpable, deep reality of God’s love [& beauty]. I, too, was beautiful. I began again. I learned to value myself in a new way. Several times in my life I have had the feeling of being held in the hand of God. Now I am in the evening of my life. Looking back, I consider myself very fortunate & [privileged for all the things I was able to do]. And just a few years ago, I discovered an enormous treasure—the love of the Vietnamese people—by experiencing firsthand the effect that Norman’s witness left on their hearts & lives.
Journey to Viet Nam—In 1999, 34 years after Norman’s death, I went to Viet Nam with Christina and Emily and their respective partners. For our family it was a journey of friendship and reconciliation with our traumatic past. The generous support of friends made the trip possible. During our 2 weeks in Vietnam we were treated royally, meeting with national leaders and dignitaries. Our time in that beautiful old country was packed with moment after moment of celebration, flowers, tears and hugs. As we moved through these moments, we were ever mindful of Norman, as well as friends back home. Pham Van Dong, the former diplomat said of Norman: “To us he is a saint! He will live forever in our hearts.” The Vietnamese people showered us with such love, generosity and kindness, at times it was almost overwhelming.
[They asked why I waited so long]. I responded: “It couldn’t have been a day sooner. It took that long—34 years—to heal enough, & to summon the courage to face our grief, our past & our pain.” Alone in my room in the old La Thanh Hotel, I cried, & even wailed & keened over Norman’s death. I raged & yelled at him & the injustice of life; I let it all out. “Lord, help me. I can’t carry this load anymore. I can’t carry this family by myself.” The next day I woke up refreshed & with a sense of peace. That what Norman did long ago in a desperate attempt to stop the war still shines brightly in their hearts surprised us. I think it would have surprised Norman, too.
Into the Earth—Our memorial service in Norman’s honor was at the Peace Park. Trees planted there honor those who died on both sides. We planted 3 in Norman’s memory, burned incense & prayed with our Vietnamese friends. The plaque to Norman describes him as “American Quaker, World Citizen, One life given for one world, one human family.” [Nguyen Ngoc Hung joined us on the hill, & told us how he cried when he heard the news] “that someone in America cared enough … that he would give up his life …” The 4 of us cried together.
Christina wrote the poem Peace Pagoda, which reads in part: High on a hill/ the peace dove settles at last./ Let us walk together/ young and old,/ children leading the way/ through soft green rice paddies/ up the gentle slope/ to the pagoda … Buddha songs drift/ across the paddies./ Once my country rained fire/ on your people./ Now we walk down the hill/ together, laughing,/ to the temple of our friends.
“Emily, My Child” (by To Huu, in Vietnamese)/ The Tears Told Us—
Emily, come with me/ Later you’ll grow up, you’ll know the streets, no longer feel lost./ “Where are we going, Daddy?”/ “To the riverbank, the Potomac.” “What do you want me to see, Daddy?”/ I want you dear, to see the Pentagon./ Oh my child, your round eyes/ Oh my child, your locks so golden/ Ask no more questions … McNamara/ Where are you hiding, asshole? In the burial yard/ Of a 5-corner building/ Each corner a continent/ You still squeeze your head/ Inside hot flames/ Like the ostrich buries its head in the scorching sands …
In whose name?/ You bury the bloom of our youth in coffins/ Oh, those strong, handsome sons/ Who can transform nature into electricity, steel/ For people’s happiness today! …
Tonight, your mother will come find you/ You’ll hug her and kiss/ Her for me/ and tell your mother this for me:/ I left happy, mother, don’t be sad!/ Washington/ Twilight/ Remains or is lost?/ It’s come, the moment when my heart’s brightest/ I set fire to myself/ So the flames dazzle/ Truth.
A young [South] Vietnamese man at Pendle Hill, Dat Dutinth told me “I once knew this poem. Everyone did. People in South Viet Nam were also moved by Norman Morrison’s death. [He was a] voice of conscience. Emily as the innocent child who survived death became a symbol of hope for the Vietnamese in a devastating war. 34 years later Emily wrote a response.
For To Huu: “In Viet Nam/ In the dust and blood/ Days after my father died,/ you wrote a poem./ For many people/ You created in words a symbol/ Of hope and the future with “Emily.”/ You helped me understand/ My father/ And to love me from afar./ I did not know you wrote a poem."
In America I was a strange child/ With an odd past,/ Someone who did not like to tell the/ Long story of her childhood/ Or her father’s death …” “Thank you for giving me a moment,/ A feather/ Under a tree/ That helped me/ Carry the weight of my past/ More lightly and/ Wholly./ Thank you for writing a poem/ Wherein/ The love my father felt/ For a far-off land/ Traveled back/ And rested in my heart.”
Even in 1999, Emily was treated almost reverentially by our Vietnamese companions as the living representation of Norman’s love and sacrifice.
We were very moved by the tears in the eyes of the Vietnamese who told us about learning of Norman’s self-immolation; especially the men. Khong Dai Minh, once a buffalo boy said: “One day, the headmaster called us together & told us about Morrison … Of course, we all cried. I could not believe someone in another country would die for us.” [All of us] in that room cried again. Pham Khac Lam said: “Then came the sacrifice of Morrison, a blazing light which lit up the sky, a flame of liberty and hope.”
It was as if Norman’s act had sent an arrow of love and compassion from his heart half way around the world and into the hearts of the Vietnamese people. It was [and still is] a wondrous thing. Vu Xuan Hong said: “We would have fought to the last man for our freedom, even if it would have taken us 30 more years. There would have been more deaths on both sides. Even if it was 10 more years, I am convinced Morrison and the peace movement helped to shorten the war and save lives.”
Time to Forgive—Viet Nam is a beautiful, agrarian country with an ancient, distinguished heritage, now at peace. We encountered little resentment toward our country, but rather openness, curiosity & friendliness. A gifted interpreter, Bui The Giang told us: “China invaded Viet Nam. The Vietnamese captured, & beheaded the emperor’s son. Then we made restitution. We had a bronze statue made of the emperor’s son & sent it as a peace offering … We have a history of bringing gifts to placate or assuage those we defeat, to make friends with them.
I asked: “How have you been able to forgive us American, & the French, Chinese, Japanese & others?” Our guide Bui Van Nghi answered: “It’s just in our nature … If you hold on to the past too tight, you miss the present & the future. The spirits of deceased loved ones are still celebrated. We believe they are nearby. They are close to us.” Each Vietnamese family creates an altar where religious objects are placed along with flowers, incense, & photos. I created such a place of memory on a table in our living room, including photos & the beautifully carved Buddha with the 1,000 Hands Statue given to us by Pham Van Dong. Viet Nam may have something to teach us about dealing with loss, about not holding grudges, and being open to the future. About forgiving and healing.
Nghi wrote When a Small Child, which reads in part: “When a child/ I learned a poem … Since then, I know 2 Americas, 2 Americans:/ One with aspiration for peace & humanities,/ One with lust of warmonger./ I respect the people who love peace/ And hate war,/ Like most of my Vietnamese compatriots, … Like all progressive people on earth … I want you to convey my love/ And affection of the Vietnamese people/ To the people who braved their lives/ For peace,/ To normal Americans,/ To Viet Nam Veterans./ Please tell them to come back …Viet Nam needs more & more friends./ Viet Nam loves peace & understanding,/ Reconciliation & Friendship … May God bless Viet Nam./ May God bless Americans./ May God bless all families/ in Viet Nam and USA.”
For me our trip was full of healing and worth all the effort and challenges. When I looked into the eyes of the Vietnamese people and saw the love they still have for Norman, I knew that something beautiful had risen from the ashes of agony and loss. His was an act of love and courage, and it conveyed an unspeakable beauty. It has become part of the Great Mystery of life. One theme in Norman’s life was denial of the “friends vs. enemies” dichotomy. The other theme is how necessary forgiveness and compassion are for healing.
Norman’s story is also about how one act, one moment in a life can set so much into motion and affect so many. Julia Cameron said: “Within me, I carry God. Within God, I am carried.” Just these 2 lines express part of the Great Mystery. Within the Great Mystery, how are we to act? How else but by trying to do the best we know, and trusting in the Inward Guide? Others, seen and unseen are standing with us whenever we stand for the sake of humanity. Robinson Jeffers wrote: “And we know that the enormous invulnerable beauty of things/ Is the face of God, to live gladly in its presence, and die without grief or fear, knowing it survives us.”
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382. Holding one another in the Light (by Marcelle R. Martin; 2006)
About the Author—Marcelle Martin a member of Chestnut Hill Monthly Meeting, served as teacher and spiritual nurturer at Pendle Hill; she facilitates retreats to help monthly meetings explore spiritual practices and growth as faith communities. She is a graduate of the Shalem Institute Program on Spiritual Guidance.
Our life is love and peace, and tenderness … praying for one another, and helping one another up with a tender hand. Isaac Penington
Learning to Pray for Another—Praying with & for one another is a powerful way to engender spiritual vitality in our lives & meeting communities. However we understand intercessory prayer, holding one another in the Light can bring us deeper spiritual intimacy with each other & the Divine. [Praying for God to do something] according to my ideas of what is best is problematic for many Friends. [Some don’t agree with God picking & choosing, some believe God knows without guidance, some don’t conceive of divinity that operates in a personal way.
During my early college years, intercessory prayer was not part of my relationship with the mysterious Eternal Being. An ongoing series of experiences has convinced me that holding others in the Light can have an effect. [I have felt internally a connection with another person that had no basis in external fact. It has given me strength and brought peace to relationships].
Over the years, praying for others, holding them in the light has become a frequent practice. Often my prayer doesn’t include mental words or specific requests. Sometimes I visualize the person filled and surrounded with light or imagine them being held by God. A moment sometimes comes when, in my mind’s eye, the person seems to smile or glow more brightly, and I will feel the prayer is complete. Often I pray for others during my quiet time in the morning. [Spontaneous prayer comes often throughout the day]. I have learned to be more humble about the cause of my problems with another and hold us up together for divine illumination and healing. I suddenly become aware that I have been “holding” someone or many people without being fully conscious of it.
What Happens in Intercessory Prayer—Prayer on behalf of others is an opportunity to participate in divine love. The “answer” to our prayer for them may be an action we ourselves are called to take. Imagining a change for a Friend might not be what God wanted, but the effort would nonetheless be helpful, just not in the way one imagines. Taking on the suffering of others may not necessarily be required as part of intercessory prayer. One can instead imagine those persons in their essential wholeness, visualize that of God in them, and them surrounded by the Light. Often I have an image of Jesus being with that person in a healing way.
Other experiences of intercessory prayer suggest a metaphor of being a hollow tube, bridge or conduit for God’s healing power to flow through; or perhaps a transformer, a recipient of God’s high-voltage love for another who converts that love to a frequency easier for that person to assimilate. In prayer we might find ourselves shifting from our everyday consciousness to the state in which we and the one prayed for are inseparable, both part of the “hidden unity in the Eternal Being.” This state of oneness with another in God, can activate or assist the healing capacities of Light within them. All these forms of intercessory prayer may be part of the spiritual journey. Not everyone prays the same way, or needs to. Participation in the divine love for others is somehow necessary. We can become mediators of the love of God for one another, gradually helping ourselves and those we love and pray for to become more directly open to the divine healing love that makes us whole.
Spiritual Fellowship and the Prayer of Carrying—One month, it puzzled me why particular people were coming to mind in prayer, rather than others with whom I was in more frequent contact. One day I realized that each of them had taken it upon themselves to pray for me on a regular basis. Thomas Kelly describes what he calls the Prayer of Inward Carrying, which “consists in a well-nigh continuous support, in prayer, for some particular souls who are near to you in the things of the inner life. Through the day you quietly hold them high before God in inward prayer, vicariously offering your life and strength to become their strength and life. These are not a chance group of people; they are your special burden and privilege]: You quietly hold them high before God in inward prayer, giving them to Him.” This is key to sustaining the vitality of the meeting community.
Praying with Others/ Prayer as a Meeting or Meeting Committee—Taking time to pray for one another during a private conversation can greatly renew and strengthen us inwardly. Praying in groups can be a powerfully healing and supportive practice as well. [Once when I sat in a chair as a focus of others’ prayer, I was] profoundly moved; I felt lovingly held and known. During the coming year I recalled the memory of being held in the Light by that small group. It helped me love and accept myself and feel sustained by God. I was especially moved by my experience in a small group containing members of different races and varied religious traditions. I felt a strong inward vibration of prayer and a sense of being united in a precious spiritual oneness with the group.
There are many different possible ways to pray aloud for another person. Those who do not feel moved to speak aloud can hold the person in the Light silently also a powerful gift of prayer. Participants [in a prayer circle] are often able to offer touching words for one another, and sometimes speak of a spiritual power they experience while praying for others in the group, a power that leaves them feeling energized in an unexpected way. People often return to the larger group with a softened faces, looking as though they been deeply blessed, even baptized, washed clean of something that had separated them from others. The experience serves to unite the members of the group, heightening their awareness of the love they have for one another.
There are occasions when a meeting wants to pray together for a particular concern. At Pendle Hill it is currently the custom after meeting for worship to ask if there are prayer requests. Praying for the whole meeting & its individual members was once an important function of meeting committees. [By doing so], the committee’s service becomes more truly an expression of divine love for their community. Praying together is a powerful way to heighten the bonds between members of any group & to anchor the group’s activity more strongly in the love healing, & guidance of the light. It can become increasingly natural for individuals to request prayer, or to suggest it when someone seems in particular need. Strengthened by the group prayer, the divine inner seed continues providing guidance & support long after the gathering has dispersed.
Meetings for Healing—A regular or occasional evening can be set aside for holding a meeting for prayer and healing. At Pendle Hill, a meeting for prayer and healing is held every Sunday evening for an hour. I try to open myself to participate in the flow of divine healing energy, to center myself in the state of Eternal Oneness in which all is already whole and healed and in harmony. Out of the silence, someone will make a request for prayer. During the course of the hour anyone may stand up and walk to the chair. The person may be touched by several people. If the person remains deeply moved after returning to their seat, someone may go sit close by to show continued support even after the focus of the larger group turns toward another prayer request. At the end of the hour the group forms a circle, saying their own name and others for whom they wish to pray. Placing hand on another person may not be right for everyone, & it may be best to wait for a leading of the Spirit before doing so.
Meetings for healing can be held entirely in silence, without spoken requests or prayers. Even when there is no physical touch or eye contact, in the silence one can sometimes be more aware of a palpable effect of the powers of healing. [Once, in a group of] about 60 women, I experienced a profound silence inside me and in the room. We were gathered into a deep, tender experience of spiritual connection with each other, the whole world, and that which is eternal.
Some Friends prefer that requests or prayers be offered as moved by the Spirit out of that silence, while others prefer that each person speaks of their needs & is prayed for. Whatever the form, gathering as a meeting to pray for one another, one’s spiritual community, & the world is a wonderful opportunity for spiritual closeness. Monthly meetings would do well to consider organizing meetings for prayer & healing. The meeting as a whole can experience a spiritual deepening as a result. There have sometimes been reports of healing that happened after the prayer group held an absent person’s concern in the Light. Just knowing they are being prayed for can help people become more receptive to the healing capacities within themselves. Some meetings created prayer networks or prayer chains. [In special cases], a prayer vigil requires participants to commit to pray at a particular time of day. People are signed up to pray as close to 24 hours a day as possible. [Even though a cure to the subject of prayer] may not come in the form desired, some felt sure their prayers had been helpful in invisible, spiritual ways.
Intercessory Prayer to Nurture Meetings, Members, & Ministry—Prayer is one of the important ways we help the divine seed within ourselves, others, our culture, and the world to overcome the forces that oppress it. [Those] called to pray both for individuals and for the meeting community as a whole are now known as “spiritual nurturers.” It is helpful for some Friends to pray for the meeting as a whole and to offer themselves to help the Spirit be present as fully as possible to all the members of the meeting. While many factors were involved, an important part of improving the quality of our business was Friends holding the business meeting in the Light.
Earlier Friends understood that prayer supported the vocal ministry. Pairs of traveling ministers would pray for inspired ministry to come through their traveling companions. Intercessory prayer for the meetings they were visiting was also an important part of the spiritual task of those who traveled. The power of the vocal ministry of traveling ministers to nourish, heal, and transform the listeners was due in part to their intercessory prayer.
Today, friends in the liberal tradition are regaining a sense of how vocal ministry’s depth is related to prayer. Over time I have become more attuned to those laboring with a call to vocal ministry. [Holding such people in the Light can help the speaker both to receive the message more clearly & to find the courage & clarity needed to speak it faithfully. One might also pray that those present may be receptive to the message being delivered. [I have been called to hold a “vocal minister” in the Light while she waited for others to finish their ministry. I have been “corrected” & led to hold in the Light those whose ministry doesn’t speak to my condition]. If I had continued to direct negative thoughts toward him, it might have impaired his ability to experience that of God within.
While teaching or speaking I can sometimes palpably feel the effect of the prayer of the faithful Friend [I have asked to pray for me.] I have learned profound lessons in what it means to be held in the Light and how important it is that we hold one another—in prayer, in love, and even in the body. I experienced how important such support is to one’s capacity to be a faithful and effective minister. Sometimes I imagine myself being held close by God in the form of a loving mother. It is enough to be in her presence, and I do not need the anxious internal dialogue in which I am asking for answers and clarity right now. I believe that Friends and family holding me, physically and in prayer, has helped me gradually to simple be present with the Divine.
Prayer for the World/ The Practice of Intercessory Prayer—There was a prayer vigil for peace in the world, held on Independence Mall in Philadelphia. Our purpose was to pray & witness to the need to seek divine guidance & assistance. The vigil on Independence Mall was the hour of deepest prayer & worship I experienced during the week. I would begin by asking divine assistance in finding peace among those part of the vigil. My focus would then expand from myself & my fellow vigilers to conflict, war, or violence in our city, country, & elsewhere in the world. This would sometimes culminate in an image of holding Planet Earth in my arms as I asked God to bring peace and justice everywhere. Asking God to bring peace would usually lead me to greater peace within myself. Eventually I became aware that God is always showering everyone & everything with divine healing love. To more fully activate God’s peacemaking on earth, we need to ask for it & offer ourselves as channels through whom it can come more into the world.
In the 3rd stage, there were often no more mental words, and no requests. I would simply offer myself as a channel for God’s peace. Allowing one’s self to become tender at the same time that one stands strong in one’s faith and witness is in itself a radical act of peacemaking. During the prayer of simple receptiveness, I have found myself more aware of the divine Light shining within each person. I felt an immense tender love reaching through me towards each individual. Such peace prayers have a place in our private devotional time each day as well as in meetings. It is important remember that prayer itself may be as important as any other activity we take. Our intercessory prayer may be a channel through which divine healing is enabled to penetrate the dark clouds hovering earth and within human consciousness to bring light, hope, healing, harmony, justice, and peace.
For some of us, the regular practice of intercessory prayer can become an important part of each day and a way for the Spirit to bring us closer to the image of Divine within. One Friend [started daily practice after September 11, 2001]: “I felt the prayer deepening and somehow strengthening me in a way I could neither describe nor understand. One morning, I had a deep sense of being inside the prayer itself. I was actually with the world suffering. It has allowed my soul to touch a place of ever-deepening compassion and awareness. As I conclude this pamphlet, my prayer is that Friends everywhere will renew our practice of frequently holding one another in the Light. Intercessory prayer in all its variations supports those we love, helps our meetings to be spiritually vital, and contributes to making manifest God’s healing and transforming presence on earth.
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383. Answering the Call to Heal the World (by Patience A. Schenck; 2006)
About the Author—Patience A. Schenk has made her spiritual home in the Annapolis (MD) Friends Meeting since 1966. She has served as her meeting's clerk & on a variety of committees at the YM & the Mid-Atlantic Region level of the American Friends Service Committee. She clerks Baltimore YM Working Group on Racism among Friends. This pamphlet grew out of a workshop she offered at Friends General Conference.
[Introduction]—We Friends have some precious tools & insights to help create the conditions for peace, healthy environment, & a just society. George Fox writes: "If but one man or woman were raised by the Lord's power to stand & live in the same Spirit as the prophets & apostles ... that man or woman would shake all the country in their profession for 10 miles around." The Spirit in whose presence we wait in worship empowers us. Quaker tradition & practice offer us many riches as well. We are relatively sophisticated about politics, mindful of the effects our lifestyles have on the environment, and many of us pursue careers that allow us to make positive contributions. We see how people harm one another and our precious world, and our hearts are heavy.
Yet, for all our genuine concern, our testimonies, queries, & worship with God, most moder n Friends don't make waves. Our organizations do excellent work in our names. Yet most of us [as individuals] could do & yearn to do much more. When were we last reviled? Why don't we shake the country for 10 miles round? We don't know where to begin. We can make a difference if we allow ourselves to be led by the Spirit. [After working myself to exhaustion & discouragement], I have learned some ways to focus my energy & time that refresh, rather than deplete, my spiritual vitality. Through workshops, I found that I could help others do the same.
The key is to discern how God is calling us, & to allow that call to guide our work. I will review Scriptural tradition & the lessons they teach us. There will be exercises in italics that you can do. I will outline ways to maintain faithfulness, avoid burnout, keep going, & gain satisfaction. I attempt to bring together spiritual, emotional, and practical awareness and look at how they all effect our ability to perceive and follow leadings. Being called, being led, openings, being moved, the Lord sending forth, under a feeling, truth requiring, all these terms imply hearing the still small voice within, something deeper and truer than simple individual choice, different from conscience. I will focus on the more personal sense of the Spirit leading us at a particular time and place. I will discuss the individual rather than the group. I will focus on the call to address larger problems in the world.
Call in the Bible—The Judeo-Christian tradition is rich with stories of people who were called by God. When instructed to lead his people out of Egypt, Moses responded, "But who am I, that I should go to Pharaoh, and that I should bring the Israelites out of Egypt?" Moses was "slow and hesitant of speech," but God did not accept these excuses. God promised that Aaron, Moses' brother would speak for him, but Moses was to lead. We feel inadequate to do what we feel led to do. But we stand on holy ground; if God chooses us, we must be God's hands and feet, [and believe] we are capable of going where God leads us.
Like Moses, Jeremiah protested but ultimately was faithful. [After similar protests from Jeremiah], God responded with "You shall go to whatever people I send you and say whatever I tell you to say. Fear none of them, for I am with you and will keep you safe." (Jer. 1:6-8). As God consecrated Jeremiah in the womb, so we too, gain clues to our call by examining how we were made. We see the things we feel called to as spare-time activities, like a hobby. We may need to rearrange our lives more and make God's leadings central. Saul's (later named Paul) rather violent call to service reminds us that sometimes God calls people whom no nominating committee would have considered. Saul's regaining his sight only after someone lays hands on him and recognizes his calls suggests that we need our meetings to validate our leadings.
Gifts—There is purpose in our inborn gifts & in how various influences in our lives have developed them. The array of gifts that each of us are given is one of the clues to how God calls us. We were created this way to balance others with different gifts, and our gifts prepare us for the work God has for us. Friends as a group demonstrate a particular set of them. Adam Curle lists them as: patient, quiet listening; equally at home in village or cabinet office; sympathy for "bad guys"; speaking firmly without alienating; being on good terms with both parties of a dispute; truthful; clarifying blurred perceptions; constructive sympathy; good cross-cultural communication; concerned with peace issues; practical and competent.
Our Own Gifts—How do we gain clarity about our own gifts? Make a list of some things you have done [in any part of your life] that have really lit your fire. What part of the activity did you especially enjoy? What gifts were you exhibiting? Enumerate your strengths boldly. I have used this activity in adult education sessions and asked people to stand up and confidently read off their list of what gifts they have seen and what gifts others have seen in them. This is the person God created.
We feel joy and know we are faithful when we use our gifts. [There is a fear of the risk of investing our gifts]. Elizabeth O'Connor calls it "blasphemy against the Holy Spirit." She goes on to say: "Since the 1st day of our beginning, the Spirit has brooded over the formless, dark void of our lives, calling us into existence through our gifts until they are developed ... Our gifts are the signs of our commissioning, the conveyors of our human divine love, the receptacles of our own transforming, creative power." We must identify our gifts and then we must overcome our resistance to using them.
Our Deepest Caring—We have a good inventory of our gifts. Where [specifically] do we apply our gifts? Where is my heart? What do I care about most deeply? [Different kinds of] yearnings may be both consuming and persistent. God is somewhere in all kinds of caring. Journal about: What issues brought you to tears, energized you, made you determined to act? What vision touched your heart and motivated you? What grieves you so deeply that you want to defeat it?
It can take a while to reach clearness on where our heart is. Cynicism we develop to protect us from disappointment interferes with our ability to care deeply. We have to take our time in connecting with our deepest caring. We need to give thought to those issues that arise from our suffering; there is a danger here. If our hurt isn't healed, our motivation may arise from anger more than a desire to protect others. When we are afraid, grieving, or angry, we may need to hold these feeling in God's healing Light & feel its peace before work can be grounded in Spirit. By considering both gifts & caring, we begin to discern our unique role in healing the world.
Discerning Our Call—What does a leading feel like? [The calls in] biblical stories are bigger than life. For most, call is subtle, slow to take form. George Fox's suffering as a youth was legendary, until he heard, "There is one, even Christ Jesus, that can speak to thy condition." He then set about countering false belief, deceitfulness, & vanity, exhorting people to listen to the voice within, to preach, & to work for justice. He had an unflagging sense of being led. John Woolman had a very different temperament from Fox. Woolman always paid attention to his discomfort & offered it up to God in prayer. In my own case, I once recognized during meeting for worship that I had to address conflict with a friend. As I walked to his house, I had the sense of walking hand-in-hand with God. Afterwards, I felt exhausted but deeply moved. A few months after my retirement, I came to see that I was called to anti-racism work. I cannot prove that God has called me but I feel clear.
It can be helpful for meetings to sponsor worship sharing sessions in which people express their own experiences of being led, which is part of being human, not something that happens to "special" people. When we receive that call, it can be subtle. It can take time to decipher. Over time, if clarity doesn't come, it may be because we have too many commitments. It may be time to create more space in which the Spirit may work. [If we tend to not get involved], we need to take a chance by making a commitment. Patricia Loring writes: "As we grow in the life of the Spirit, our lives come increasingly under divine guidance. We trust increasingly that promptings and leadings of the Spirit will show us the way we are to go.
How do we test whether our perceived leadings are genuine? One test is the sense of peace that follows action to which we have felt led. George Fox writes: "The Spirit of Christ, by which we are guided, isn't changeable, so as once to command us from a thing as evil, & again to move unto it." [What changes is willingness to follow.] Our leadings will be consistent with the spirit of the Scriptures & other sacred books, with Jesus' life & teachings, [with past true leadings, our own & others]. &, we can test our leadings with a clearness committee.
Sometimes Friends [misuse the term "led" & "leading" to cover basic decisions more likely decided by tired bodies or sleepy minds]. We risk depriving this concept of its meaning when we use this language lightly. Being led doesn't mean we become obediently passive or stop thinking. [We still need to educate ourselves & think of alternatives if we oppose something]. When have you felt called to some action? What was it like? How was it different from just thinking that some action would be a good idea? How was it different from following your conscience? Journal about when you thought God was calling you. Describe feelings, message given, & remaining questions. Then start a dialog with God, Jesus, St. Francis, a mentor, someone you respect. Start with: How should I use my life & gifts? Keep writing questions & answers. I don't know that the Spirit calls everyone. Whether the experience is dramatic visitations or faint intimations, it happens in God's time, not ours. We need to be alert to what part God would have us play in healing our world.
Barriers to Faithfulness: Busyness/ Urgency/ Lack of Time—A major barrier is the busy schedule we keep; we need to simplify, make room for our leadings. We must be capable of saying No to a request, even if we don't choose to do so. The key to simplicity is to use spiritual discipline to orient to the deepest place in ourselves. Thomas Kelly said: "There is Divine Abyss within us all, holy Infinite Center, Heart, Life who speaks in us & through us to the world." Another barrier is tremendous urgency we may feel when we see a wrong & want to set it right. We need to take time for discernment, letting Love guide us on the long slow path of change.
We truly may not have adequate time. We have responsibilities we can't eliminate, & we should not exhaust ourselves. If we push ourselves without the God's love as the source of our activities, we will lose our connection with God. Maybe next year will be the right time for ambitious undertakings. For now we can educate ourselves, [& do other things to prepare]. When I was beginning to feel led toward anti-racism work, I was still working, & didn't have a clear direction. [I started going amongst African Americans]. I joined a monthly interracial group. I was reading, asking questions, & learning. I now see God's hand in this progression of events, this preparation. Should we consider a job change, making our calling our profession? Perhaps what our employer asks is exactly what we feel called to do; but we are no longer answerable only to the Spirit. As volunteer workers, we have more freedom. Or, as a "released Friend," a monthly, quarterly, or yearly meeting gives you enough money or support to release you from the need to work for a living so you can follow your leading.
"Nondiscipleship costs abiding peace, a life [filled with] love, hopefulness that stands firm in the most discouraging circumstances ... In short, it costs exactly that abundance of life Jesus said he came to bring." Dallas Willard
[Moses to Joshua]: "Be strong, be resolute; you mustn't be afraid, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will not fail you or forsake you." (Deut. 31:6)
Barriers to Faithfulness: Feeling Overwhelmed/ Lack of Balance Between Work & Relaxation/ But I am Not an Important Person—Another barrier is feeling overwhelmed with the enormity of the world's problems. Anything we do will be just a drop in the ocean. People will say, "Yes, I am doing that, but it's just a small thing. It doesn't count." It does count. It helps if we can lear n the lesson that we are called to be faithful, not always successful. It isn't on our shoulders alone. We may not get to see something through to the end. [Just short of the] Promised Land, God told Moses his work was finished; he was to turn over leadership to Joshua. We do what we are able, [stop when we need to or are called to], knowing that others will be led to complement our work. Balancing work & relaxation requires wisdom. Moving from the extremes of procrastinators & constant doers requires discipline. We need to find our antidote to serious hard work & include it in our schedule.
A further barrier is the difficulty we have thinking of ourselves as important enough to do anything significant. If we use the gifts we have discovered, we might make a difference. Will we be called to bold public action or to quiet private faithfulness? With God's help & presence, we have tremendous power. We mustn't let fear of being important serve as a deciding factor in acting or not acting. Journal about how you have been silenced. Who told you to be quiet? When did you want too much for people to like you? Note specific events. Write yourself a note that says, "I can do big things with God's help." Put it somewhere in plain, daily view.
Fear of Taking Leadership/ Resistance from Others/ Fear—The fear of leadership is another barrier. But leadership is not what we thought it was in high school, neither is it bossing people around. It is having a vision and helping it come into being. This may or may not involve being a visible leader, with responsibility and making decisions. It may mean discerning, or thinking about the needs of a group as a whole rather than just our part in it. George Fox suggests another kind of leadership: "Be patterns, be examples in all places ... wherever you come; that your carriage and life may preach among all sorts of people and to them." If this role is not comfortable at first, over time we will come to think differently about ourselves.
Answering God's call can be difficult because of the way others view us. Jeremiah preached what no one wanted to hear. [He found it hard to endure the reproach and mocking. He found it harder still to hold in the word of the Lord]. "I was weary from holding it under, and could endure no more." Once we accept the call, our integrity will not let us ignore God's word burning in our heart. People are uncomfortable with change; they fight back. Perpetrators are just sheltering themselves from painful knowledge. I have felt hostile toward environmentalists who forced me to face the destruction that is befalling our earth. Those of European heritage don't like to acknowledge our collusion with an unjust system or the privileges we have because of race.
We have to remind ourselves that people's negativism is an expression of their fear of change. [There are many fears involved in this process]: fear of not knowing what to say; fear of consequences of risking resources; fear of large challenges; fear of looking foolish, of discouragement; of taking leadership. Courage isn't the absence of fear; it is action in spite of fear. We can decide that God's will, not comfort level, will be our guiding principle. Make your own list of barriers. Journal about how you might be able to deal with each of them.
Support/ Our Meetings—To overcome barriers, we need reinforcement from like-minded people. Besides support groups, we need: people who: love us; share our commitment; make us clarify our stand; offer spiritual nurture; help practically; believe in & strongly affirm us. Think about different kinds of support you have in life. Write down who meets your various needs. Notice needs not met & think of people who might meet those needs. We can form relationships with people who could give us support, and we can offer similar support to others.
Our meeting can help us discern our leadings, support us and help us see when a call has ended. Like Saul, we need someone to recognize our call before the scales can fall from our eyes, allowing us to fully recognize it. Many experiencing a call do not turn to meetings for help. In clearness committee, a group of Friends gathers with us in worship, asks us questions, and helps us find the way God would have us go. The clearness committee might become a support committee. The oversight committee might be appointed to examine the ministry from the meeting's point of view. When I felt that I had a calling to anti-racism work, I asked for an ongoing committee to help me discern the validity of my calling and to be a sounding board. It occurred to me that a group of people committed to activism could meet together as a clearness committee for one another.
The End of a Leading/ Why be Faithful to Our Call?—Many of the clues that helped us discern our call can indicate when we have been released. When the work no longer uses our gifts, or enthusiasm has died, we may question our leading. Laying a call down, like accepting one requires discernment. But if the time has come, it is better to lay it down consciously than to just let it fizzle out.
A life lived in obedience to the Spirit can be challenging. It can also bring a sense of peace & oneness with all creation that makes life deeply meaningful & rich. Dallas Willard writes: "Nondiscipleship costs abiding peace, a life [filled with] love ... hopefulness that stands firm in the most discouraging circumstances ... In short, it costs exactly that abundance of life Jesus said he came to bring." Moses said to Joshua [as he passed on his "leading" & leadership], "Be strong, be resolute; you mustn't be afraid, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will not fail you or forsake you." (Deut. 31:6)
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384. The Mystery of Quaker Light (by Peter Bien; 2006)
I. Before Sun, Moon, & Stars—When a person in Quaker meeting is ill, bereaved, or otherwise troubled, someone typically advises the meeting, “Let’s hold this person in the Light.” The theological formula most often used is the “Inner Light.” Many of us are no longer familiar with the background that accounts for Light’s predominance in Quaker thought. The major elements in the evolution of the Light metaphor are Genesis, the prologue to John’s Gospel, the Jewish & Greek sources for logos, & how early Quakers & modern science use the term.
Natural light is pleasant, soothing, and safe; it makes us feel good. We cherish the creative power of sunlight, its source. [But in Genesis], God declared “Let there be light” before the sun had been created. In Taoist creation, pure light came out of chaos. The solar system and starry heavens are created by Light instead of being the source. Something unified created something non-unified—the multifarious reality in which we live.
II. The Prologue to John’s Gospel—Don Cupitt, tells us to favor whatever symbol unifies our feelings most productively. That is what the symbol of Light did for George Fox, Robert Barclay, William Penn, and other early Friends. The Eastern Orthodox theologian Vladimir Lossky wrote: “This light … can be defined as the visible quality of the divinity, of the energies or grace in which God makes God’s self known …It is immaterial and not apprehended by the senses …” A book on icon painting states: “A positive nothingness appeared in creation, the embryo, the beginning of a thing. Penetrated by light, it begins to assume shape.” Robert Grosseteste wrote: “[Light] has greater similarity than all bodies to the forms that exist apart from matter, namely the intelligences.”
John’s 1st 5 verses are difficult. Light is equivalent to life. Life is equivalent to the Word (logos). Logos is equivalent to God. In Goethe’s Faust, Logos is translated as Word, Sense, Force, & Deed. It was the Jewish philosopher Philo Judaeus who introduced the concept of logos. His purpose was to overcome the disparity between a totally infinite God & a totally finite universe. He declared that God’s infinite will acts through an intermediary, the logos, the creative power that orders the world. Rabbinic Judaism had a secondary influence on [John’s Gospel]. The Wisdom of Solomon says, “For she [Wisdom] is a reflection of eternal light …”
John’s Greek stimulus was Neoplatonism, a Platonic mixture adding elements of Stoicism & also elements of the Corpus Hermeticum. Plotinus emphasizes unity & mind. God is the simple cause of existence that precedes the multiplicity of the created universe. “The One remains absolutely at rest, Intellect springs from it like light from the sun … [We] being soul, can find Intellect and the One within us.” [In the Greek myth of Apollo Pythius] Apollo slays the darkness, and dispenses light in the metaphor of the serpent Python.
Francis MacDonald Cornford writes: The culminating revelation occurs in a sudden blaze of light exempt from change and relativity.” Light is always linked with reason in Neoplatonic and Stoic philosophy. Dionysius the Areopagite declares: “Light comes from the Good, and Light is an image of this archetypal Good … The goodness of the transcendent God … gives Light to everything capable of receiving it; it creates them, keeps them alive, preserves and perfects them … It is the cause of the universe and its end.” From Genesis onward, Light is God’s energy, the force and deed that give form to the formless. [The Quakers’ “true light, which lighteth every man that cometh into the world,” refers to the divine energy that creates multiplicity and dwells therein.
In Attic and New Testament Greek, logos means oral expression, speech, and/or writing. Logos also means the unified cause—reason or mind—out of which these multiplicities of expression flow. Light came to serve as the principal metaphor for the energy of the logos. C. H. Dodd writes: “Logos, though it carries with it the associations of the Old Testament Word of the Lord, has also a meaning [given to it] by Stoicism, Philo, and the Wisdom idea used by other Jewish writers. It is the rational principle in the universe.” In Paradise Lost, John Milton said: “Hail holy Light … Before the sun,/ Before the heavens thou wert, and at the voice/ Of God, as with a mantle didst invest/ The rising world of waters dark and deep, Won from the void and formless infinite.”
III. The Light Within—Contemporary Quakers not only ask that folks in trouble be held in the Light, they also speak about their own Inner Light. [In describing it], some Friends may come close to “the quality of grace by which God makes God’s self known” (Symeon the New Theologian, 10th century). John Punshon writes: “[Light] operates at a personal level to redeem those who turn to it; but it would be a mistake to regard it as a part of human nature … our bit of God. The light [that] is in all is the same light, not sparks from the eternal flame.”
John Milton writes of Light: “Shine inward, and the mind through all her powers/ Irradiate. There plant eyes, all mist from thence/ Purge and disperse, that I may see and tell/ Of things invisible to mortal sight.” Friends, if asked what, precisely, they mean by Inward Light, might say: “The Light Within is the Divine power of creativity and reason that enters me without fragmenting its Oneness, enabling me to know and overcome my inadequacies, and to appreciate [the creation of Light and Word], the true Light that enlightens every person.” Henry Vaughn compares Light with shadow: “I saw Eternity the other night/ Like a great Ring of pure and endless light,/ All calm, as it was bright,/ And round beneath it, Time in hours, days, years/ Driven by the spheres/ Like a vast shadow moved, in which the world/ And all her train were hurled.”
IV. Light and the Founders of Quakerism—The founders of Quakerism were familiar with the long history of religious thought summarized above. [Besides the connection with creation, Fox insists that the] Light “is that Creative Power that draws all things upward into nobler states of being. It is also warm, living, and personal, forever pleading with us to give up our selfish doing and desiring, and to follow its Divine Leading.” The characteristics of light include: divinity; purity; resistible; ineffable.
Isaac Penington adds to this discussion: “The particular waiting upon God in his Holy Spirit, light and power … will discover what is disorderly, and unruly, and not of God in the particular, and lay a yoke upon it … The glory increaseth daily more and more, by the daily sight and feeling of the living virtue and power in Christ the Light, whereby the soul is continually transformed and changed … into the incorruptible … The spirit breathes infallibly, begets infallibly, leads infallibly, creates a new heart, a right spirit; which heart, which spirit, is of God’s infallible nature, like him, for that which is born of the spirit is spirit.”
William Penn writes: “For of light came sight, and of sight came sense and sorrow, and of sense and sorrow came amendment of life.” Margaret Fell writes: “The Eternal will deal plainly with you; it will rip you up, and lay you open … naked and bare before the Lord God, from whom you cannot hide yourself. Therefore give over the deceiving of your Souls.” [More recently] Rex Ambler writes: “It began to be clear to me that the light for them could be harsh, because it showed them everything, warts and all. In particular it highlighted their self-centeredness … No wonder they were distressed and ‘ripped up’ before they came to an experience of peace.”
Today, “convinced Friends” means “persuaded to join a Quaker meeting.” The older meaning of “convincement” is to expose & reprehend fault, to prove wrong, to convict. Light as “an invisible principle” emphasizes the eternal Christ [and is from the Greek influence\; light as pointing believers to their Savior and giving them “power over all sin and temptation” emphasizes the incarnated Christ of history and [is from the Jewish influence]. We Quakers must conclude that perhaps the contradictory Hellenic and Hebraic backgrounds to theological Light are both necessary. Friends are generally able to practice the dual modes without difficulty. Protestants did not claim to have the power to walk in newness of life as a holy and sanctified people in the present world, but relied on the final judgment of Christ over the world. Howard Brinton writes: “Inward Light … is also the Inward Life. Our present challenge is to save as much life as possible: not only our own lives, but life in all its forms.”
V. Scientific Light—[Even though] we must not confuse the theological Light with natural light, how can we subtract the sun, moon, and stars? [The science of natural light has to do with wavelengths, light-scattering molecules and the mind’s interpretation of light hitting the retina]. We might understand natural light, too, as a metaphor. It may be just as mysterious as Quaker Light. Bas C. van Fraasen notes: “The problem of understanding light keeps recurring, each time in its appropriate new dress … Light is always the problem child of science … it is always escaping the conceptual box we try to put it in.”
In the early modern period, from roughly the 16th century onward, a materialistic view tended to prevail. Michael Faraday in 1846 argued that light isn’t a vibration of ether, & must consist not of substance, but of force. Clerk Maxwell labeled light as an electromagnetic disturbance in 1864. Plank proposed that atoms exchange energy in “quantums” in 1900. In 1905 Einstein predicted a fusion of the wave and quantum theories.
Arthur Zajonc declares: “If one conceives of the universe as matter or its movement, light is the exception that shatters that prejudice. The nature of light cannot be reduced to matter or its motion; it is its own thing … Are we led full circle back to light eternal and omnipresent, outside of space and time? … By now it should be evident that light possesses a nature unique to itself. Every natural assumption we make about it … leads to errors … Seeing light is a metaphor for seeing the invisible in the visible, for detecting the imaginal garment that holds our planet and all existence together.”
Let us appreciate the non-fragmented power of divine rationality implanted in us as the Light Within: that mysterious energy knitting the natural world’s myriad fragmentations into a harmony that despite every impediment, we sometimes feel in Quaker worship when we go inside to greet the Light. [And let us end with Dante’s description of] the Light that he is now vouchsafed to see: “O grace abounding and allowing me to dare/ To fix my gaze on the Eternal light,/ So deep my vision was consumed in it./ I saw how it contains within its depths./ All things bound in a single book by love/ Of which creation is the scattered leaves:/ How substance, accident, and their relation/ Were fused in such a way that what I now/ Describe is but a glimmer of that Light./
I know I saw the universal form,/ The fusion of all things, for I can feel,/ While speaking now, my heart leap up in joy.”
385. In God we Die (by Warren Ostrom; 2006)
About the Author—Warren Ostrom is a member of University Meeting in
Introduction—Quakers have a long history of care for people at all stages of life: from birth through childhood, adulthood, raising families & old age. Those who have come before us have delivered God’s love in many ways. Quakers have been among the pioneers in creating choices in high quality, on-going care for people in later life [to humanize & personalize] care in nursing homes, & to assure the residents’ rights & dignity. Many times what is required of us is clear. Sometimes it isn’t. We haven’t found unity on assisted suicide. I believe that God appoints an hour for each death. I believe that there is time simply to trust what God is doing. I have worked more than 20 years as a geriatric social worker. Many people have told me that they’ve lived too long.
I see death in my garden. Some of the plants live a very long time, some only a few weeks; [likewise the animals]. They need to die, to feed other plants and animals, including my family, and to free light air, water and minerals for the next generation. This essay looks at some of the issues involved in prolonging life. It also offers a discernment process for those among us who face life-shortening conditions and who want to know what God wills for them. “God” is the name that for me includes all the different terms Friends use for the ultimate source. While logic and formal learning help, what we really know of life, of death, and of God has to begin with our own experience and end with whatever sense we make of our experiences.
3 True Stories/ More True Stories—God wanted to bring 3 good and faithful servants home, but they struggled against it. A man could have died from a carotid aneurysm, but was saved to later develop Alzheimer’s and severe behavioral problems. A widow with a disabled daughter she hoped would be cared for by the widow’s estate, instead suffered a massive stroke; she “survived” in a vegetative state until her resources were gone. A former history teacher had surgery on what turned out to be a non-cancerous spot on her lung; the surgery caused new problems. When she developed breathing problems, she accepted God’s generous offer, and let her life end.
[There are numerous stories of people wishing they had died; people not wishing to live another 10 years; people wishing they’d died in surgery; people questioning the morality of spending $100,000’s on operations that could have saved 1,000’s of children; people grateful that someone died quickly and did not suffer].
Here’s some of what I’ve learned from dying people and people making decisions for dying family members. In the midst [of dying or someone close dying], most of us can’t think clearly about all the consequences of our actions, even when we think we are clear. Some medical professionals can’t or don’t tell us what we need to know, [for lack of knowledge, personal reasons, or the best of intentions]. Our choices affect people in ways we don’t know. The spiritual dimensions of our decisions can be especially hard to sort out. We need to do a lot of our reflection ahead of time about our values and about how we want our lives finally to end. It is a great relief to have help figuring out what we should do.
To Love & Treasure the Old, the Sick, & the Disabled—It is right to love and respect the old, the sick, and the disabled. They are part of who we are, and we are all part of the human condition together. Actually every one of is both able and partially disabled in some way or other; “them” and “us” is an illusion. The “disabled” have been forced to focus on what really matters, and as a result sometimes live closer to the Spirit than others.
[On different Sundays I spoke of the beauty of autumn leaves dying, & compared it to older people dying. I spoke of oft-mended articles being beyond repair & how we can be cracked or chipped, even patched together, & still contain God’s treasure and do God’s work]. I was demonstrating against invading
The Costs of Postponing Death—[There are costs and consequences for postponing death]. To pay for transplants, Medicare and Medicaid, and private insurance spending go up. Rates go up and people lose Medicaid and private medical insurance. Children didn’t necessarily get the cheap and effective vaccinations that they otherwise would have. In the end, funding transplants led to worse health in the general population.
All that we can control with confidence is how we spend our personal money. Sometimes voters do decide [directly] how public money will be spent, like funding for emergency services. There are people who are grateful & who continue to be a gift to all who know them [because of emergency services] & people who have cursed it for postponing death. For them there was the added cost of pain and misery; saving life can be a boon or a curse.
I can choose to spend my own money on my own health, or wherever in the world it could be used for others’ health. The money I can choose not to spend on myself could make a difference. Knowing the right course isn’t easy. I can’t easily say that there should be no more organ transplants or expensive lifesaving medications. [I can only make my own health-spending decisions].
Health Insurance—Trying to guarantee the security that health insurance offers costs us our freedom, [by staying in a job] “because of the benefits.” Where we spend our time & our money is where we will come to center our lives. Should my treasure & my heart be in health insurance? In spiritual terms medical benefits can become idols. I believe that God wills every human birth, truly loves us, & decides the hour of every death. So there is no need to fight to insure myself against what God has in mind. If I broke a leg, I’d pay to get it set, but I’m not going to break enough legs in a year to justify thousands of dollars in insurance. Decades of experience have taught me to trust the Spirit; the Spirit doesn’t let me down. The Guide comes to each of us separately; maybe the person next to me is called to be insured. We once expected that we would die, but weren’t especially afraid of the time before death. Now we have every expectation of long life & often we are afraid of that.
Care-giving & Ethical Uneasiness/ Long Lives and Short—There is a new fear for baby-boomers that there won’t be enough younger people to care for us. It feels wrong that well-to-do, mostly white
Median age of death was 40 in 1800, 50 in 1900, and is nearly 80 now. Do we need more years to live full lives, and to carry out God’s intentions for our lives, than all those who came before us? A full life can have any length. The joy that a 15-year-old boy had brought his family and our meeting was boundless. My only explanation was that he had finished what the Spirit set for his life’s purpose; the love he brought into the world and shared was his life’s work. Another dear, departed Friend was deep into a ministry with homeless, clerk of Peace and Social Concerns and married only a year. He, too, I think, was done; he had helped love grow.
Even though we don’t always know what care to accept, what risks to take, and the right time for our deaths, God does; we can trust God. If we faithfully look to the Spirit for guidance and find it, we can be sure that the Spirit knows us and will guide us [near death], as before. Until the very recent past, people believed that they lived until it was their time to die. It was said that God “called them home” when their time had come.
[When someone in their 70’s dies of an accident], it is a terrible blow. But it may also be a grace, saving someone from years of painful and unenlightening decline. [Some will adopt unhealthy eating habits in order to encourage a heart attack and avoid a worse alternative]. For me, after much thought, prayer, and seeking in worship, the path is clear. I have decided that I will have no medical care after my children are grown, except for non-life-extending measures to ease pain. When my time comes, my time will come. For most of us, a time will come when we need to make a decision. Do I fight, or do I accept my death this time?
How Do We Know What God Wants For Us?—Throughout our lives, we search for God’s will about major decisions. Each of them is important; each should add to our training in discernment, & build on growing trust in ourselves, & in God. If we follow the discipline of regularly turning to the Spirit in silent worship, usually we can depend on getting assurance about what we should do. The timing of the Spirit’s guidance isn’t ours to dictate.
Sometimes neither personal worship, nor deep conversation, nor writing gives us the sureness we seek. [Then may be the time for a clearness committee]. I offer a slightly modified process, where individuals gather together with a person to pose searching questions. First, crystallize the question you’d like answered; write it out [e.g. Should I accept my daughter’s offer & move in with her? Should I have surgery to have this new tumor removed?]. Then choose a facilitator for your committee. He or she should be deeply grounded in the Spirit & experienced in discernment, preferably not someone extremely close to you. For the remainder of your committee, select several trusted family members and/or friends, [ones who will speak to you in complete honesty].
Give the committee the question well before the scheduled meeting. Enter into silent worship together; [introduce the process if necessary]. Once the silence has deepened, it will be your turn to speak. State your question. [Seek out] what gifts you have brought to the world; whether you have unfinished work, or if you are free to go; what your life or your death would mean to those around you; what they sense is God’s calling for you now.
Ask each person to engage all of her or his life experience, wisdom, and love. Ask them to search within and when the time feels right, to speak to you. Asking you an open question can be powerful in helping you to explore your thoughts. Explain that after each speaker, the group will return to silence until the next person speaks. [These individuals] may be speaking to you with a new depth and love; they will be speaking for the Spirit. Listen to the silence between messages, and the understanding that God will be building within you.
When all have spoken and returned to silence, have someone articulate the guidance which has been given to the group, or do it yourself. You [will] still have questions. You may need to gather again, more than once. You may choose to share what you have learned about your calling and about God. [See Appendix about assuring that your wishes are carried out]. Even after several meetings, you may not be clear about what you should do. Sometimes God just doesn’t give us the answers when we think we need them.
When the Soul Leaves—The clearness process assumes that we can see death coming & make a sensitive decision about how we will meet it. Sometimes death creeps up on us, & we’re not even sure its there. Death is usually obvious. The heart & brain stop. Sometimes, it’s not so clear. The body keeps going while the brain stops, or memory, judgment, and even self-awareness disappears. Throughout [my years of working with the elderly], I intended to write a book about the souls of people whose minds are melting away. How do we know when the soul is still there, and how can we tell when it’s gone? I can’t write that book, because I don’t know the answers. [Even those who seem irretrievably gone can show rare, sporadic signs of still “being there.”] Maybe if a group were to gather in worship [around a bed], we could sense whether there was a soul joining us from the bed. At the very least, being there in worship as the body dies can serve as a celebration of the life that was.
Going Home—What is it to die? Living in Christ and in joy, nothing really changes later, when our bodies die. We continue to be at home in Christ. In one Christian view, all men and women are brought home again by Jesus, if they only accept and acknowledge Jesus as savior. These Christian look forward to a further homecoming either at death or in the End Times of Revelation. Many Buddhists believe that death is generally followed by rebirth as a human or in some other form. Whether we realize it or not, we are always at home, at one with all that is. Enlightenment is profound realization of that unity.
Some have told me privately that while they tell people that they believe in life after death, they don’t really. Some people say solemnly that death is the end. Period. Some believe in living on in their families, or community, or nations, or the living substance of the earth. Taking his place in the circle of life would have been my father’s kind of going home.
What I Don’t Know and Do Know and Believe about Death—A careful reader will have noticed by now that some my ideas don’t seem to line up. Is God all-powerful, or can we thwart God’s will with our own decisions? [Some believe] that the hour of a person’s death can be known to God when that person is born even though, at every step through life, the person’s free will determines their next step. God may know that I will take one path, yet wish that I would choose the other. Sometimes God does not let us know what we should do, when we want to know it. Contradiction flows through all of our speculations about God.
It may be that paradox is ultimately part of the divine. I know that a Presence enters meetings for worship, & unexpectedly, at other times, my life. [Then] there is a peace, a sense of wholeness, a sureness of being loved. In meetings gathered in this Presence, I have felt with us people long dead. Was it just that all the pathways of memory were relaxed, & I remembered what these personalities felt like in a room with us? I can’t prove [it to be memory or present reality]. It feels as though the deceased have rejoined the Source. And that’s what I believe.
I believe that in death we will learn the paradoxical truth: that we all are one. We have our whole existence in God. We are a part of each other, & every rock, plant, swimming, crawling, flying thing. When my neighbor dies, I die with him. When I die, God calls me home; you will go home with me. We will die & live in each other & in everything. Acts
Appendix: Forms and Procedures—When you’ve decided about your own end of life, let your family, lawyer, and especially your doctors and caregivers know; put it in writing. There is a living will, which has the most limited use. It can tell your medical team not to extend your life if you enter a persistent vegetative state with no chance of recovery. There are advance directives to physicians. They can specify resuscitation and IV feeding or not. Physician’s Order for Life Sustaining Treatment (POLST). [It gives detailed instructions about your medical treatment]. A completed POLST form is actually a medical order. A medical power-of-attorney gives another person the authority to make medical decisions on you behalf if you become unable to make your own. Otherwise the doctors will turn to family or decide by default to use every means possible to extend life.
Your treatment and eventual passing are bound to be calmer, and your family’s future more harmonious, if you make your decisions ahead of time. Give the original power-of-attorney to the person whom you name on it. Schedule a time when you can give the paperwork to each person who will make decisions as your representative or caregiver, and discuss it thoroughly. You may find that a doctor or facility refuses to carry out your wishes; you may need to find another. Tell your power-of-attorney as much as you can now, so they won’t have to guess. Discuss your wishes with every involved at least once a year.
“Do not resuscitate” forms should be posted on your refrigerator door, where emergency technicians will check. Ask at your doctor’s office or senior center where these various forms can be found. It is best to work with an attorney on the advance directives and power-of-attorney. Even with your advanced directive and iron determination to honor your instructions, they may not succeed in stopping treatment. When you are clear about your wishes, do your best to prepare the groundwork for them to be honored.
386. The Mindful Quaker (by Valerie Brown; 2006)
About the Author—Valerie Brown is a member of Solebury Monthly Meeting (PA), and an ordained layperson of the Tiep Hien Order established by Zen Master Thich Nhat Hanh. She is certified in holistic spirituality, Kundalini yoga and meditation teacher. She leads retreats, including a Pendle Hill New Year’s retreat.
The lamps are different but the light is the same; it comes from Beyond.” Jalauddin Rumi
Religious Pluralism the Light of World Faiths--This essay focuses on Quakerism and Buddhism. As a member of [both], I understand the harmony and tension between these faith traditions. My decision to become a Quaker and a Buddhist is the natural result of coming into close contact as a witness and dialogue partner with various cultural traditions. My goal was mutual understanding and the recognition of shared values. Traveling challenged me to look deeply at myself, at my patterns of behavior, and prejudices. [I looked] at the universal truth of all people.
David Steindl-Rast writes: “The heart of religion is the religion of the heart.” “Heart” represents the central kernel of our being, the meeting place where we are one. I have savored this oneness around the world. The experience of meeting Muslim, Hindu, Sikh, & Buddhist has expanded my consciousness & appreciation for my own chosen beliefs, & made my decision to stay in my faith a true, conscious, & informed choice. Denise Lardner Carmody & John Tully Carmody note: “Those who sit in yoga or sacrifice a kola nut or experience the sweat lodge pass over a border & no longer feel complete outsiders.” My childhood God of has given way to my womanhood God, a God of many names. This is the God who is present in the tiniest acorn & the vastest ocean.
Quakers Discover Buddhism
Living in our heads we become estranged from our bodies, thinking of them as material things that exist for our use and enjoyment. Our minds try to control the world … This modern mind of ours does not like to be quiet and still. When emptiness threatens it seeks to protect itself with images, words and sounds. Rex Ambler
This essay addresses the search among many Quakers to enhance their direct, unmediated relationships with the Light through Buddhist practices. Buddhism stresses self-exploration’s value & testing these teachings’ parameters by one’s own life experience. [For Quakers the] mind tends to get in the way of coming closer to the Light with ourselves & others. Buddhism meditation & the practice of mindfulness increases focused concentration & awareness to ordinary everyday activities; it develops moment-to-moment awareness, & being rather than doing. In Buddhist meditation we are continually balancing our energies on a deep level. Holding divergent feelings and sensations in awareness clarifies our discernment process.
Some Quakers have been greatly influenced by Buddhist books & magazines. Others may join a sangha (Buddhist community). This essay is an exploration in finding the Light of God in each of us, the Divine, the Buddha-nature, & how Quakers can learn from Buddhist traditions. At 1st glance, it may appear that Buddhism & Quakerism have little in common. [However], the Buddhist practice of metta or loving-kindness meditation touches very closely on ideas of Christian prayer, in which we cultivate receptivity and capacity for forgiveness and [compassion]. [Quaker-Buddhist cooperation] blossomed into an ongoing relationship between activist Friends and Buddhist monks and nuns. Quaker-Buddhist meditation courses are periodically offered at Friends events.
The practice of meditation harmonizes too with Quaker silent meeting for worship. The Quaker peace testimony, grounded partly in the conviction that there is that of God in each person, roughly equates with the Buddha’s teaching on love. Living this principle daily in the face of everyday choices and challenges invites us to become a living witness to peace in our relationships with others. Buddhists and Quakers share a familiarity with the depths of silence and stillness. Buddhist meditation stills the body and mind, and centers it in the present. Accepting impermanence of all things helps us to see the deep benefit of change.
[Central to Buddhism] are the 4 Noble Truths [suffering, craving and desire, cessation of craving and desire, 8-fold Path] which form the basis of Buddhist wisdom, morality, and mental discipline. The Noble 8-fold Path consists of: Wisdom (with its Right View and Right Thoughts; Morality (with its Right Speech, Right Action, and Right Livelihood); Mental Discipline (with its Right Effort, Right Mindfulness, Right Meditation/Concentration). “Right” [is used to meant] “appropriate.” Quakers can learn from the Buddhist practice of Right Speech in discovering the call to vocal ministry at meeting for worship. The foundation of Right Speech is listening deeply to others, striving to be fully present without solving or judgment. The quality of listening, openness, and presence is central to the basic tenets of Buddhist teaching on Right Speech and to the Quaker tradition of vocal ministry.
Meditation and Mindfulness: The Inner Light of Spiritual Practice—In meeting for worship we are focused on God or open and listening for God’s presence. In meditation, we train the mind to aim and sustain focus and attention on the breath to develop awareness. [We may start with good intentions], but the forward momentum of our daily, fast-paced lives soon overtakes our best intentions. We may wish to begin with 5 or 10 minutes; the amount of time is less important than the intention and motivation.
Transforming these habits takes practice. [In a beginner’s mindset of receptivity, we can accept the full range of sensations, emotions, and thoughts without becoming entangled by them. We begin by sitting with a relaxed and comfortably straight spine. Eyes closed, especially for beginners, may be preferable to build concentration; meditation can be done while walking. With each step, we notice breath thought and sensation. In eating meditation, we focus on the full range of the sensation of eating: smells, tastes, and textures. We see the interconnection between ourselves, the food we eat and the entire universe.
Breath and Concentration—We bring our awareness to [each part of] the body. [After several breaths] we notice that our mind has wandered. As we begin, the common experience is that our minds are scattered, divided in attention. The goal of meditation is not to stop thinking, to tame the mind, but to build awareness and concentration. We notice thoughts and distractions without becoming entangled in them. We create a spacious, inquiring mind, and an ability to observe with a quality of acceptance and natural curiosity. We objectify thoughts or emotions without getting trapped by them. This noticing of the breath or of the emotion applies a seeker’s inquiring mind to ascertain the “truth.” [In concentrating] on the breath, we develop focus and awareness.
Intention and motivation are key; intention directs energy; [the right] motivation [of love] is essential. Meditation is a tool for testing whether we are balanced. The potential for change and disappointment is always present. Buddhism brings insight to what can be an unconscious cycle and struggle of loss and gain. [Eventually] our thoughts and perceptions are tested from a place of reflection, not reaction and impulse, allowing us to make choices from a foundation of clarity and wisdom.
The Nature of Thoughts/ Mindfulness—The Inner Light within us is often covered by a veil of mental activity. Removing this veil is the practice of meditation. The mind runs [again and again]. We bring it back [again and again]. Meditation moves us toward equanimity or balance. We are alert, aware, engaged, yet we are calm and peaceful; [we are present]. The fruit of meditation practice is greater concentration, leading to integration and wholeness. In the face of pleasure and pain, gain and loss, praise and blame, fame and disrepute, we are balanced, knowing that change is the nature of life. Meditation teaches the way to live an awakened life.
Mindfulness is careful attention to ordinary life activity. We move beyond thinking to knowing & feeling. Mindfulness is patience. With acceptance of what is, we free ourselves from conditioned habits of heart & mind that rob us of intimacy with ourselves, others & surroundings. According to Buddhist teachings, we are always giving our attention to something or someone. Mindlessness is preoccupation with plans or memories, rushing thru daily activities, breaking things, forgetting. Mindfulness is intentional. It is continuity of mindfulness that is rare.
The 1st establishment of mindfulness is awareness of the body. We recognize each body part. [We see all the relationships of all the natural elements with our body]. In addition to being aware of our body, we may also be aware of feelings—pleasant, unpleasant, & neutral. Our mental posture is open & spacious. Bringing mindfulness to our everyday lives takes practice. I like to practice mindfulness particularly when making and drinking tea.
Chado, the Way of Tea, & Mindfulness—The practice of drinking powdered green tea was brought to
Tea preparation is an invitation to spacious awareness. [In the] tea room, a tone is set to receive profound serenity & peace in the central craft of making green tea. Attending to every detail with slow attentive movements, we open the door of the mundane & step into the sacred. [As in worship where we wait for the call of God’s touch], in tea preparation, we await the presence of our guests with openhearted joy. We can take comfort in holding a cup of green tea between our 2 hands & knowing that in it the whole universe is present. The essence of the tea ceremony is simplicity; it is acknowledging all that has made the tea gathering possible. The heart of the tea ceremony is silence & spaciousness, much like that of a Quaker meeting. Paying exquisite attention to each detail speaks of caring, nurturing , reverence, & integrity of heart. It is a path to inner peace & humility.
Shared Practices: Silence/ Stillness/ Meditation and Transformation
Our task is to listen to the news that is always arriving, out of silence Rainer Maria Rilke
Meditation comes alive in silence. In silence, we turn inward, allowing the silence to be healing and purifying. Silence encourages us to establish a relationship with ourselves 1st. Words and thoughts often block the doorway to the soul. When we sit in meditation, our experience flows from attention to inattention, from remembrance to forgetfulness. In both Quaker silent worship and in meditation, we can benefit by preparation. As we prepare to enter silence, we gather our broken pieces of concentration. We may focus on breathing, a heart of deep gratitude, or take a walk or inspiring passage in before worship. Leonard S. Kenworthy says: “Meeting for Worship is the culmination of the past few days as well as the introduction to the days ahead.” The simplicity of Quaker meeting houses and worship can stand in sharp contrast to the clutter in our minds.
John Punshon writes: “Silence is defined from outside, stillness from within.” With stillness we faithfully wait in community, and in patience, directing ourselves to God. Simply being, reflecting on the place of God in our lives, is a discipline. Quakers can learn from Buddhist meditation that encourages stillness of both the body and mind. Ultimately, stillness, like much else in life, requires practice and patience. Sustained practice can support our Quaker silent worship, bringing the flow of awareness to this sacred time.
In Buddhism, silent meditation is prerequisite to true knowledge and understanding. In a place of honest introspection, we see the true state of the human condition. The dharma, as taught by the Buddha is a path that leads to the cessation of suffering through our efforts to understand the truth about the human condition; we are released from clinging and attachment, suffering and disappointment.
Remaining open to stumbling blocks, contradictions, imperfections, longings, disappointments, and unfinished business is the heart of mindfulness meditation and of the Buddha’s teachings. [With focused concentration], we liberate the mind and ourselves from the karmic weight that keeps us trapped in a reactive, impulsive cycle. Mindfulness and meditations teach us how to listen—with our entire selves—in an open, expectant, non-judgmental, receptive way. In this tender openness, we are poised to listen to what really matters, to put aside the petty chatter moment in a discipline of reflection.
Prayer and Dharma Contemplation
Prayer is the mortar that holds our house together. Teresa of
[Introduction]—Have you ever been moved by an inbreaking of the Light—awakened by the inflowing love of God? God is continually calling us to faithfulness and into the gifts and ministries that we are given; it creates a hunger for more. One way to feed that hunger is through expectant listening. [The more] we experience this indwelling nature, the more expectant we become; we grow in expectant listening.
We Quakers are a listening people. We seek God experientially. In seeking, we find. In listening, we hear God’s messages. “Expectant listening” is listening to hear God’s messages. I was in my early 20’s and caught in the midst of a traumatic family tragedy with a schizophrenic wife for 4 years. What was this core of strength that I was discovering deep down, keeping me close to the crisis, yet letting me know that love and forgiveness were part of the mystery and miracle of life as well? My little Quaker meeting, which I had joined 3 years earlier, became a place of innocence for me. I was not judged there, and I was loved.
At first the silence in meeting and when I was alone brought me peace, harmony, & strength. Then I discovered that there was Something alive in the silence. It said: “Accept only the thoughts that come from God.” These thoughts were deeply important to me. They began to change my whole foundation, guiding me & enfolding me in love. An older member felt that the common denominator among those who know Inward Reality was that we had faced serious problems and that he had not experienced any serious problems; he was not sure that the Light was real. No matter how you find it, the most important thing is trying to keep [in touch with] it. I know now that it is not always easy to find and follow the Light. We all need encouragement in our search.
Qualities That Help Nurture Expectant Listening/ “Noticings”—Fox admonished seekers to allow Light to search them & reveal corruptions. This counsel wasn’t to suggest that seekers focus on corruption, but that they release faults & rise above them into the same Light that revealed the deceiving self to the seeking soul. Rex Ambler has a “Light group” process, where one is encouraged to look honestly at oneself & to wait patiently & openly for truth to come. I found I had to be honest with myself about self. When I was, I could begin to heal & to let go of some of my hurts and mistakes. It helped to share these deep experiences with others, and to be vulnerable.
A “noticing” is when we attend to the in-breaking of the spirit and try to learn from it. Mine had truth, wisdom, and life in them. They encouraged me to spend much more time listening for God. They taught me how to turn toward the Light. God speaks to us in limitless ways, through images, visions, physical shaking in worship, dreams, illness, and a deep inward knowing, well as through the still small voice within.
[Once upon a time], I had a strong attachment to entering my morning worship by reading from Thomas Kelly’s A Testament of Devotion. I began to sense that God wanted me to come without Thomas Kelly; I found that difficult. One morning I sat & waited expectantly in the silence. I felt my love for God & God’s love for me beaming within; I felt God hugging me. I was taught to come to solitary worship without another’s writings.
Samuels Bownas wrote of a traveling minister in 1696: “[She uttered to me]: ‘A traditional Quaker, thou comest to meeting as thou went from it & goes from it as thou came to it, but art no better for thy coming; what wilt thou do in the end.’ This was so pat to my condition, that I was smitten to the ground … A voice spoke in my heart saying, ‘Look unto me & I will help thee;’ & I found much comfort, that made me to shed … tears.” Samuel Bownas grew in the ministry; he began traveling in it. One of my favorite exercises is to help Friends to uncover their noticings, & to share these experiences in small groups so that everyone can learn from them. Noticing helped me to learn that God wants a relationship. This experience has greatly deepened my spiritual life.
I often experience God’s messages as something that gives life, in the best sense of the word. But I also made a spiritual mistake. I was guided by the Spirit to leave a romantic relationship; I chose not to leave. For 20 years, I cut off my listening. God didn't leave me entirely, but I was outside the Garden gate. At a spiritual retreat, we were told to ask ourselves, “With God at my side, what becomes clear?” I journaled: “I feel a failure because I cut myself off from the Source. I definitely experienced a fall & feel I missed some amazing opportunity to grow spiritually. God said, “It doesn’t matter.” Eventually God asked, “Are you ready to welcome me into the center of your life again?” How do I know if what I hear is a message from God? Stan Thornburg said that God’s messages are often distinguished by the ways in which they bring, love, humility, wisdom, healing, and growth.
Patience—Another key aspect of expectant listening is the practice of patience. We may look for some great mountaintop experience and not notice the little ways in which the Light “speaks” to us. We may also move too quickly on a spiritual nudge or a leading. I can get carried away with my own great insights and forget to wait, or worry that if I do not speak, there may not be any vocal ministry. There are no substitutes for the Living God. My thoughts are not the same as what comes through me from the Spirit.
Patient spiritual waiting is a hard discipline for us moderns to practice. We spend too much time thinking and analyzing. When we wait [patiently] in worship, allowing our busy thoughts to pass by, God creates space for the Living presence to come in. As I settle into worship, I feel my hearing expand from my outer ears to include my inner ears. My thoughts become less important. As my listening intensifies, I often feel layers of myself slip away. Bill Taber has called this process the “Quaker technology of shifting levels of consciousness.”
Listening & Faithfulness—How does expectant listening increase our faithfulness as Friends? One of the fruits of expectant listening is more faithfulness, both at individual & corporate levels; it is all about God. It is God who gives us glimpses of God, teachings to pay attention, noticings of the Living Presence, hunger for Divine Reality, & ability to sink deep & to listen expectantly. The Living Presence gives us experiences of the Seed, so that we will come again to where we can hear God’s messages.
The more we listen & follow what we hear, the more guidance we receive. The more guidance we have, the more we will deepen our commitment to follow. Many years ago, I knew that God was calling me to ministry, & I wanted to take some time to find & name that ministry. I came out knowing that I was being led to nurture those individuals who are called to ministry. I saw Sandra Cronk & Kathryn Damiano living into their ministry at the School of the Spirit. The Quaker institutions around them weren’t sure what it was about or how to support them.
I was deeply concerned about this problem [& similar ones]. I began speaking & traveling with this concern, & my meeting responded solidly with support. Goshen Monthly Meeting gave me a minute of travel for religious service. I have led retreats, workshops, & worship-sharing sessions on deepening spiritual life. I still have a special concern for Friends who are feeling a deep call to step forward in a service of prayer & ministry. My ministry is also about listening affirming, encouraging, & supporting all Friends to go to, be fed by, & to live in the Deep Place. This is a plowing ministry to help turn the soil, so that God’s seeds waiting within can sprout & grow in us.
Listening & Corporate Faithfulness—Expectant listening helps us to nurture & strengthen our corporate faithfulness by deepening our experiences in meetings for worship & in meetings for business. Many contemporary Quaker meetings have a difficult time settling into deep worship, because we are so busy & so convinced of our good thinking. We come to meeting for worship to be with God & with others who are seeking this Reality.
Queries: What is God? Has God ever spoken to me? Have I ever experienced the Inward Light? Do I really believe in God? How do I know if it is God who is speaking? Do the other people in this room really believe in God? How can I be convinced that God really is present and is gathering us all into a place where “all creation has a new smell”?
1st, it is essential to [have noticings]. They teach us to be receptive to God’s living presence. 2nd, developing a regular spiritual practice is extremely important to deepening meetings for worship. It can include: individual daily worship; prayer; journal writing; solitude in nature; devotional reading; Bible & Quaker history study; & spiritual friendship. 3rd is “still” or “patient waiting.” Worship is nurtured when we allow ourselves to get out of the way. We seek something deeper than our own thoughts. A meeting for worship centered around our own thoughts has a false depth, a shallowness that can never reach divine transformation.
Expectant listening increases our desire to find Inward Light everywhere so that we come to meeting hungry for the Living Presence. When we settle into deep, expectant listening, we experience new levels of Quaker worship. Alison Levie offered observations about meeting for [worship with attention to] business. Friends often forget that meeting for business is a spiritual practice. It is looking for Truth as a body, rather than about our individual senses of truth. It is sharing glimpses of the Truth & listening deeply for a [better] sense of the whole Truth.
Friends General Conference learned that it would receive a very large bequest of about $2.5 million. The Finance Committee considered this news & recommended that this unusual gift be invested so that the income could be used to support our current programs. Any new programs would require fundraising. Friends wrestled with this recommendation. The presiding clerk helped us to hold our deliberations in worship. After excellent discernment it became clear we had to wait. [I started out with a different view, but] I felt very positive about where we came out. I knew we had been faithful. A year later our patient expectant listening bore excellent fruit.
Barry Morley’s description of how we know when we have found the sense of the meeting sounds quite similar to my experience of expectant listening. My subcommittee was in charge of the yearly meeting’s opening program. In worship, a Friend shared a dream where she heard a voice saying, “I want to speak.” As a result our plan would be to open the sessions with an extended meeting for worship.
Listening Sometimes Becomes Seeing—It has been my experience that expectant listening sometimes evokes spiritual seeing. [There are numerous Biblical examples of visual messages, & even a few among early Quakers]. One of my 1st visual spiritual experiences was after a William Blake poem; it was an image of Christ transposed on the sun. At home, I was sitting still & listening very deeply, when I saw the Miracle of Life brightly shining within & without me. Later, I was drawing an image of the Stream of Life, when I saw the Living Stream burning like fire. The sense of God as spiritual fire has become a persistent vision for me. These visional experiences have helped me know that there are many dimensions to the spiritual life. This seeing is another of God’s languages.
Finding God’s Deep, Long Thread of Guidance/ Listening to God is a Lifelong Endeavor—God has given us a deep, long thread of guidance weaving our whole lives. My experiences have led me to cherish a profound relationship with Divine Mystery. In almost every one of my silent retreats, I have been given a significant message to help me along my spiritual journey. In another year, I was told to forgive my mother & to reach out to her. By following that message, my relationship with my mother was transformed after 20 years of estrangement.
After reading the Gospel of John [on retreat], [I asked while in worship], “When in this place of communion, what is it you would have me do?” [The answer in part was]: come here often; make space in your life for this communion; set your self aside; slow down your activities; trust only in my leadings; ask for guidance; worship me stronger, purer, longer; celebrate me in your heart; do what I ask, and know that the reward is in obedience.
The [deep, long] thread [of guidance] looks like this: Wake up. Help the world to wake up. Go deeper. Nurture others who are following me. Share the fruits of your searching & finding with others. What are you doing to stay in touch with the Living Source? You must turn your heart, mind, & soul toward me once an hour. God has given a thread to each of us individually & to all of us corporately, in order to pull us into various experiences & awareness of God’s love. Sometimes the thread will bring awareness of weakness, or of God’s love and joy.
We can nurture expectant listening by paying attention, by heeding our “noticings,” and by patient, regular spiritual practices. Expectant listening opens us to a mystical way of knowing that has the potential to transform each of us, and the whole world. We Quakers are being called to greater faithfulness. We are being called to go deep, to listen expectantly, and to respond with the best of our abilities to become channels of the Living God.
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389. From West Point to Quakerism (by Mike Heller; 2007)
About the Author—Mike Heller teaches literature and writing at Roanoke College, where Rebecca is the reference librarian. He has edited and co-edited notable Quaker publications. A member of Roanoke Monthly Meeting, Mike currently serves on Pendle Hill’s Board of Trustees.
[Introduction]—[Matt. 8: 8,13 cited] My brother Bill drove me to West Point, July 3, 1967. I [got on] a green army bus, with other young men, for the ride into the barracks area. We took turns standing with arms out to be measured for uniforms, [& receive cadet clothing, among them]: gym shorts, white t-shirts, black socks, & lowcut black shoes. We were led through a sally port, a dark arching gateway into old Central area. An upperclassman with epaulets ordered me to report to the Man in the Red Sash. [My legs wouldn’t stop shaking while I did so]. 1,000 new cadets marched to Trophy Point to take the oath. We had marched in squads around the blacktop in Central Area and New South Area, learning to salute and do the about face.
For years I didn’t want to talk about my journey, from growing up in a military family, going to West Point, & then becoming increasingly uncomfortable with military service; I didn’t know how to talk about it. After a Quaker meeting at Sandy Spring, way began to open. Through writing, I have gained better understanding of regret & the need for affirmation, cowardice & courage, my artistic life, & my life journey of duty & spiritual direction.
Growing up—I grew up on or near air bases in the late ‘50’s & early ‘60’s, when the military lived in a bright light of victory & high morale. As kids we rode bikes down to the flight line. On some days my father let me walk with him into airplane hangars, & sometimes I got to climb into the planes themselves, & even a Titan missile silo. In 1961, my brother Bill went to West Point. [We traveled cross-country to see him at Christmas].
At 4 years old, I stand near my mother who is seated on the grass; she is tickling me. Her love for me had nothing to do with whether I was good at anything. [It seemed to me] as if in her eyes I was always that little boy. My father was a great air force captain and a great line engineer. He and my mother liked the airbase social life and were active in the officers’ club. They often had parties that I watched from the hallway in my pajamas.
There is a WW II photo of my father as a handsome young lieutenant with a thin mustache and his hat cocked at an angle. Dad took part in the fire bombing of Tokyo. The day my father’s plane ditched in the Pacific, my mother had a miscarriage, and her father died. My father was the only one from that crew that chose to return to combat; he flew 30 more missions over Japan. He got out of the military for 6 years, and was recalled in the Korean War. He and my mother decided to stay in the military for a career.
My struggles, my resistance to authority probably would have happened even if I had not gone into the military. The spring he left the air force, we moved to Phoenix. The high school art studio was a subversive place. Ed Shipp, my art teacher, had us paint big paintings. [I had doubts about going to a military academy]. I was 17 and aware of Vietnam, but gave the war little serious thought. [I applied, did tests, examinations and interviews. I received a telegram that spring from Senator Paul Fannin saying I had been accepted at West Point.
West Point—At one weekly Saturday morning inspection, I told the tactical officer that I was homesick. He asked me when I was going to get over it. I said I didn’t know. Boxing was one of a plebe year’s 4 required classes. Mr. Palone taught us a good boxer knows how not to get hit. Bob Tomasulo & I were to be boxers on our cadet company team. Years later I realized I might have been a pretty good boxer if I could have worn glasses.
One dark November night at supper, all the plebes were strung out, worn out, & tired. When they kept us from eating & poured on verbal abuse, some of us broke down. One Friday night at the movies [someone harassed me and I left]. He hated my guts because I had turned in my roommates and several others for leaving campus & sneaking in alcohol. After days of agonizing indecision & advice from my brother, I told the honor rep what I knew. The guys involved were not kicked out though expulsion was the punishment for even the smallest honor violation. I was forced to choose between the institution’s honor system and the barracks’ code of loyalty.
All of this occurred within a barracks life that was harsh & confusing. The world behind the closed doors of plebe rooms included crude jokes & macho posturing. One of those I turned in asked, “Why didn’t you talk to us 1st?” He was right. For the rest of 1968 & long after that, I must have been clinically depressed. The honor incident occurred in the context of sinking institutional morale. The war for me was strangely distant, even though a friend’s brother was killed in the Tet offensive. [The assassinations of King & Kennedy followed later that year].
In the spring of my plebe year, I bought a sketchbook to rekindle my sense of creative energy and integrity. My good friend and frequent roommate Joe Waldhaus was a rebel. He stubbornly refused to buy a class ring, in spite of numerous attempts to persuade him. He was practicing Gandhi-like non-cooperation.
The superintendent Major General Koster spoke to us when he resigned because of his role in the My Lai massacre cover-up; the charges against him were dropped. The summer before my West Point senior year, Rebecca Crist & I were engaged. During my senior year, she lived in nearby Fort Montgomery. The 2nd & 3rd years, I painted at the post hobby shop. One painting was of the Long Island shore in summer. Another was of the lane behind old Central area.
West Point, despite itself, was quickening my ideals for how I wanted to live, if only because I was experiencing inward rebellion and disillusionment. I had experienced something of apostasy, separation from God, and I was beginning to experience a journey of restoration and return. [I had a few good role models at West Point in Col Jack Capps, Col. Charles Kimble, and Maj. Pat Hoy. The last two taught] with a gentle but sharp edge that made me wake up, listen, and enjoy. At our graduation in Michie Stadium, Secretary of Defense Laird gave a speech. I did not bother throwing my hat in the air. That afternoon I slid 2 army issue trunks into the back of a car and drove out the south gate.
The Army—In June, 2 weeks after graduation, Becky & I were married in her parents’ home in Phoenix. The 1st year after graduation, I learned something about the excitement & power of firing large weapons. [I jumped out of a plane 4 times, twice at night, in spite of being scared the 1st time]. When I saw footage of our B-52s dropping hundreds of bombs in Cambodia & heard it described as rolling thunder, I realized how little I understood of what was happening.
Our Ranger training was based on small unit infantry combat in Vietnam. I ended up not having to go, which is one reason that telling my story might be self-indulgent. I felt vague guilt and self-consciousness about not suffering the brutality of war along with others. I spent a year as an armored cavalry platoon leader, practicing things [I] hoped never to have to do. After the armored cavalry I was assigned to Arlington, Virginia.
I walked from home to headquarters, into an office that managed personnel databases for army intelligence. I drove across the Potomac to George Washington University. I was the awkward army guy sitting in class with anti-war hippies, graduate students, & older women returning to school. At the Ft. Myer hospital, I went to the Psychiatry Department, but [something kept me from explaining what I needed, & I left shivering in fear].
Meanwhile, Becky went to the Quaker Meeting at Sandy Spring, Maryland. Becky & I were drawn toward Quaker worship. Becky grew up in the Disciples of Christ church. We attended Unitarian Universalist, & Catholic services. The only thing I knew about Quakers was something vague about their refusal to participate in wars. We went to the Quaker meeting together. I remember how strange it felt in the silence to watch my thoughts unspooling for that hour. Afterward I felt relaxed and open. I wrote 2 letters asking to resign my commission. They accepted my resignation after the second letter, on the last day of my 5-year commitment. My father thought I was making a mistake, and may have had doubts that I could make it on my own outside the military.
Friends—Before I knew anything about Quakers, I felt drawn to a plain style of behavior. Plain speaking seems like the way of my movie heroes, Gary Cooper & Jimmy Stewart. For the same reasons, when I left the army, I was glad there was no ceremony. [We went back to Phoenix, which seemed like our spiritual home]. If a drill sergeant had asked, “What are you going to do now,” I would have said, “Drill Sergeant, I don’t know.”
One morning I woke up, and knew that I wanted to go into teaching. I contacted AZ State U’s English Department, and talked to Lynn Nelson. She became a mentor who helped me face my fears about teaching. At a level below my logical mind, I felt I was finally doing the right thing. That Year I took a course in methods of teaching art of Ed Shipp, my high school art teacher. He said, “Back in high school, there were forces working on you that were beyond your control.”
Becky & I began attending the Quaker meeting at AZ State U. in the small chapel across from the library. When the meeting accepted our requests for membership, they presented us with 2 books by Howard Brinton, Quaker Journals & Friends for 300 years. The silence of Quaker worship spoke to me before I knew anything of Quaker faith or witness. The silence offered me an opportunity to go inward & listen, & it was an opportunity to be with others with long experience in this inward listening. I found comfort in this careful waiting on the Spirit.
was embarrassed about having chosen to go to West Point. I did not feel worthy to call myself a Quaker, but that changed as I gradually sensed that [I always was a Quaker]. Becky’s love and support had kept me alive; she believed in me. [With 2 children], love and forgiveness began their long course of unfolding within me. [I did not admit to my Mom that I regretted going to West Point]. Did I feel that admitting regret would make it harder for me to forgive myself or to forgive others? I did not regret that I returned to art as a way to be present in the world & that I had begun to listen to my heart’s whispering. I didn't regret how the way opened.
I was hired as an English teacher at Thunderbird High School. I learned from our principal, other teachers, & my students. My body & soul were quietly saying yes to a new life. I didn't return to West Point for 24 years. In 1994 my plebe boxing teammate & friend Bob Tomasulo, died in a rock-climbing accident. When I finally did go back to West Point, it was to visit Bob’s grave. Parking at the Old Cadet Chapel, I got out to look for Bob’s grave. West Point had given me my friendship with Bob T. West Point had helped me become a Quaker, too.
My father at 85 had a bout with pneumonia, and spent a month in the Virginia Veterans Care Center, a nursing home. It was not easy. Despite the atmosphere of diarrhea and urine, the nurses smiled a lot and had helpful words. I felt something sacred here with these old men and the few old women. Soon they would all cross over. My father seemed to resent them, but to me they seemed like sweet old men, not at all like the men I remembered meeting in the army. Somewhere along the way I learned that most military officers are kind, extremely bright people, and probably most are smarter than I am.
What should one do for one’s family, community, nation, and world? Now I feel I should do what I can to work for nonviolent solutions in the world. I have learned that knowing one’s duty is a journey of lifelong discernment through conflicting tensions. A sense of duty arises from one’s deeply-felt inward life. [Woolman linked duty to self-interest in writing: “To examine and prove ourselves, to find what harmony the power presiding in us bears with the divine nature, is a duty not more incumbent and necessary than it would be beneficial.”
From Anne Hardt at Tempe Meeting I learned that the idealistic option is sometimes the most realistic. From Janeal Ravndal I learned that “nothing you do is too small to make a difference.” From Sterling Omstead’s study of Woolman and Gandhi I learned that nonviolence can be an act of spiritual self-fulfillment. From William Stafford I learned that even if war seems unavoidable, we can do everything possible to “postpone it, shorten it, de-escalate it.” Wendell Berry asks: “How many deaths of other people’s children by bombing or starvation are we willing to accept in order that we may be free, affluent and (supposedly) at peace?
The world is too small to have anything but neighbors. What are needed are people who can work hard to make peace. Woolman and Gandhi saw that the means and the ends are inseparable from loving one’s neighbor as oneself. I still feel like a beginner at prayer. I pray that my heart will be opened to see what is needed. I pray that my heart will be opened to see beyond anger, despair, and lashing out. I pray that my heart will be opened to see the beauty, mystery and love that surround me.
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Introduction—A girl I worked with went from a healthy, gifted student to someone with stroke-like symptoms, impaired vision & limited speech. It was my task to support her independence & return to school. She found out about the arrangements I had made & wrote "bless you." I knew that I had been blessed by an angel.
I have always been drawn to children with the most severe disabilities. Grace led me to these children. Having been a parentally-abused child, I entered adulthood wounded and afraid. But I could give myself totally to these children without fear of being hurt and rejected. These children, whom many regarded as hopelessly retarded, became my teachers. Some lessons took a lifetime to learn and required countless repetitions.
Patience/ Gentleness—[Most people think I have a lot of patience]. I suggest instead that I have appropriate expectations. Working 1-on-1, free from other distractions, we were able to attend to each other. In our little corner the child & I can do things her way, & celebrate each tiny accomplishment. I once spent 3 years leading a team teaching a young man to feed himself. I count my work with that team as a high point of my career.
I wrote the following poem in 1982, when I still invested too much self-worth in my ability to produce improvement in my students condition: PITY [for other and self]—Are you well enough/ to smile at me today?/ ... [Even with] the tube that's in your nose./ Your soft cheeks dimple,/ and emotions rush/ to crowd behind my eyes./ I wish, how I wish./ But that won't bring a change./ ... What good am I/ I can't help you.
Part of my job was to prevent muscle contractures that render joints and limbs useless, and reverse them if possible by restoring movement. [I learned the hard way in my early years that stretching of such muscles had to be done with gentleness, otherwise I would defeat the purpose of the stretching or even make an emergency room visit necessary]. Eventually, I stopped using any force to accomplish my goals. [I was not always successful]. I tried everything I could think of to awaken, strengthen, and position the muscles of their upper trunks to help the diaphragm with breathing. I never found anything that would help very much. I often had to tune out the noise of the busy, noisy classrooms and focus for long periods on the child I was holding. The joyful, awe-inspiring discovery process of learning to read their physical status and later their moods with my hands went on for years until it became part of who I am professionally.
TAMMY—I remember sunlight on fine golden hair,/ freckles sprinkled on nose and cheeks, ... [sparkling eyes, room-warming smile], / So many things I got from you;/ did I give back in equal measure?/ The things you taught will stay with me/ to use with others;/ ... I'm going to miss your gentle sigh ... God speed, little angel.
Love—I found that I had moved from a professional concern to a deep love for each child, and that I could still remain objective, making even more appropriate judgments, because I looked deeper into the life circumstances of the children and those closest to them. [There is often enjoyment for both participants of the sessions]. There was an unspoken conspiracy formed with other staff who had bonded closely with the children.
How could a loving God allow obviously innocent children to suffer? Where was God in the lives of the children I served? For years I chewed on my questions without reaching any understanding. My childhood beliefs changed; I questioned original sin and the need for baptism. On average a student of mine has died each year. The non-answer, "God's purposes are unknowable," of different denominations was unacceptable.
I found my spiritual home with the Quakers, and I slowly learned to make use of silence. When a spiritually mature Quaker woman was injured in a car accident, I demanded an answer as to why God allowed this terrible injustice to happen. All childhood pain and frustration, and the lives of the children I served was heaped on. In response, I was lifted to heaven, and was fully in God's presence for the next 6 months. God''s love, like the love of every mother for her children throughout history and the world, overwhelmed me. 2 truths came: God is perfect. Heaven is forever. I had to rethink everything I had believed from this new viewpoint—heaven's perspective. I struggled with my interior life in silence for about 6 months.
[Acceptance by Meeting/ Different Knowings]—I shared the opening I had received and the ongoing process I experienced with my soon-to-be meeting; they responded with warm acceptance and the assurance that my unusual experience and differing beliefs among members were in keeping with Quaker tradition and practice. As I developed understandings I shared them with my spiritual nurture group. I found that deeper than intellect or emotions, there is a spiritual awareness capable of consuming huge truths and arriving at new Truth in an instant. Whipsawed between humility at my poor condition and spiritual ecstasy, I stumbled forward.
At the same time I was practicing a slower method of learning—holding up an issue and examining it from the new perspectives I had been given. My [visions] were given to me whole. My task was to take them in and [slowly] remember them. I applied this process to the questions about suffering and the children I served. It came to me that we all agree to the circumstances of our lives before we are born. We have freedom to live as we wish within our circumstances. The challenge for those of us who have much is to give to those who have little.
STONE TRAVEL—If you would know the universe/ travel through a stone./ Feel its borders from within/ taste its minerals./ Inventory atoms, recalling where each has been./ Then you will find/ outside the bounds,/ the center./ & you will know/ we are one/ have been/ ... & shall be ... again after we account for where we've been.
[What would the world be like if no one were in need?]—If each of us were self-sufficient, [and no one needed help, helpful friends or professional helpers], what a self-centered, limited existence that would be. For there to be a meaningful life of service, there must be people who before their lives begin choose to be in need. Where is the justice for those who live in great need? There is only justice in the next world. Those who live in need provide opportunities for those around them to grow in holiness. This is an answer for why God allows the innocent to suffer. What can't be understood or answered in this world is transformed into joy in the next.
Believing that people "must have done something to deserve their circumstances" excuses one from extending or sacrificing one's self to provide meaningful service, or to interfere at all. [It is easier to believe that we are superior to those in poorer circumstances, than to accept] the consequences of considering the disabled, mentally ill, impoverished, or deprived as our peers in worthiness. They provide opportunities for others to grow in holiness, and be leading lives more in tune with God's will than are we.
Kindness—I was assigned to assist a kindergartener in transitioning from a mental health day treatment program into public schools. He was a small, disordered, extraordinarily fearful child. In working with him, I frequently asked him for help in figuring out how games worked. This together with focusing on him in a quiet, calm manner, seemed to make him comfortable with me. I left the school he was to be attending for another, but had to go back for something I had forgotten. I found him standing at the wrong door where he had been dropped off. I led him to his classroom. God had made use of my mistake to carry out an act of mercy.
I struggled with obedience and trust in God. God could make use of me, faults and all. I thought I would be asked to serve. But instead opportunities to serve simply emerged in my path. I sat outside the dining hall at FGC gathering with a boom box I was using later in a workshop. Someone walked up and asked if she could use it in her workshop later. God had moved me to sit on the bench and her to walk by while I was there; God's voice let me know when I could get up. When seemingly random coincidences occur, I remind myself to stop and seek out whether God is at work. Often, I have to be content with not knowing.
DANCE—I could want nothing more/ than to dance in the palm of God./ Surrounded by Friends whose tender concern/ lifts me./ To go forth in Love-lit mist/ seeing dimly, but forever./ My ear turned/ inward/ out-ward/ and I know/ and knowing leap ... Yes. Dazed by the touch of forgiveness/ I wander through the world.
Generosity [Home Visits]—The 1st time I to went to a child's home [to help with home-related problems], I asked the parents to describe the problem, viewed the environment and developed initial plans. The 1st plans rarely worked satisfactorily, so we would make improvements to our approach. I noticed that not accepting payment [disrupted the usual client-provider relationship]. [They did not want to bother me with questions, and plans were not followed, perhaps because my free suggestions were not valued]. [I often had to accept compensation from those I helped, in order to create client-provider roles & complete a successful interaction]. Whether it is intended or not, an inherent part of providing help is putting the recipient in a subordinate position.
With God's gift of serenity, I began to develop a sense of [life-wide] calm. I could see over the continuing stream of problems and disappointments. They had no claim on my emotions; I could acknowledge them and let go. Later, I developed the discipline of giving thanks for whatever was in front of me, striving to see God's hand in my opportunities, [including what I once saw as obstacles]. [After several weeks of seeking and expressing gratitude], I was surprised that joy—an awareness that all was well with the world and I had nothing to fear—was growing deep in my heart. These gifts were given in response to my tenuous and imperfect reaching toward God. VIS—If invisible,/ I could serve as a window/ to the other side./ With non-being,/ a door.
Peace—During a young student's funeral—she died in her sleep—I centered, watched, & was awed as her soul went to heaven. I hugged close the fact that these children are wondrously watched & loved from heaven. At other funerals I saw other children joyfully go to heaven. While a special ed director was very hard to deal with, I saw during prayers one of my recent [child-souls] in heaven praying for me & all who had cared for him, including his parents. I understood I would spend eternity with those whom I had helped, hurt, hated, & loved.
Everyone on earth is connected spiritually. I would spend eternity with ignored & neglected souls. God as perfect love gives mercy not justice. In eternity we need to fear our own judgment. We will see full effects of our behavior & be stunned by the far-reaching consequences we have set into motion. A simple smile & its blessing will be seen in contrast to the suffering from an unkind remark. We will face thousands of missed opportunities. Heaven is our soul's full exposure to God. Only those who never chose wrongly will live in undiluted joy.
DOVE—Sacred Dove,/ come,/ drink from my soul./ I would be a pool,/ still,/ pure enough for you to bathe./ Letting failures,/ all outcomes sink,/ what can I rise up/ for your splashing?/ My gifts,/ You gave./ I am,/ was Yours,/ Let us share sunbeams,/ a single graceful note,/ baby's soft caress./ Alone/ unmoving/ my life's task ful-filled/ if You can bathe and rest.
Faithfulness/ Self-control—One afternoon I laid a small boy on his back for a relaxation session; I made him comfortable. As I bent over and gazed at him, I was suddenly looking in to the face of Jesus. I was fully alert and had my eyes open. By the world's standards, he was unimportant, [unknown in the working, walking, talking, self-caring world]. In heaven's terms, he was a much beloved son.
During worship, I saw that my fellow worshipers had wings. We all have wings; we can serve as angels—agents of God's mercy. My students were angels and agents too, by choosing in heaven to lead lives in need, and providing opportunities for others to grow. Wings diminish on those who choose to accumulate wealth power, and status for personal ends. Wings grow on those who choose to pick up the tasks God lays before them.
END OF MY SLEEVES—I looked at the end of my/ sleeves/ and there I saw God's hands ... I see these hands came equipped/ with arms and eyes and mind and heart [and will, to] ... yet again bring God to Earth.
Despite all blessings, I remain deeply wounded from my dysfunctional childhood. The 1st years with autistic children were difficult, as we struggled to develop helpful techniques. On daily occasions when 5- & 6-year old children hit, kicked, bit, or scratched me, an emotional response ignited. [I had to not lose my temper, & I needed to respond in a sophisticated manner]. After 2 years, I laid it before God, acknowledging that I couldn't leave behind this situation. I was led to look deeper within myself. I saw the huge well of anger I was carrying.
I was so tired of having to stifle my anger. I had worked at forgiveness in the past, but hadn't accomplished much. I sat, clinging to God's arms, & looked at my mother's circumstances with an open heart. Understanding & accepting her circumstances, her own childhood abuse, allowed me to let go of my anger. [After this, I asked], "Had I really forgiven her, & was the anger truly gone?" In the sessions right after, I responded in much the same way as before. After a year of practicing new habits, I discovered the children's aggression no longer triggered anger within me; I could respond in a measured, thoughtful manner. I am grateful for the children's behavior that led to me laying this deep part of myself in God's lap & to being open to seeing my abuser's condition.
ALL OF ME—Come/ come on, come on, come on, come on,/ I would gather you under my arms;/ good and evil,/ life and death,/ love and hatred./ I love thee, I am thee.
Joy—I want to live a life as prayer. Perhaps only for moments at a time, but still a worthy goal. Rather than doing one magnificent thing, I was led instead to focus on the task in front of me. I came to see my work with students as my vocation, in the religious sense. [I was once faced with designing and building equipment for a mobile but very tiny person]. Using all my skills as a woodworker and therapist. I felt deeply centered and engaged. Heaven on earth is found by accepting and transcending whatever we face.
Success isn't guaranteed or required. True happiness lies in learning, being fully engaged in what God wants us to do. Obedience is a term rarely considered in daily life, but it is at the heart of living a spiritual life. [Obedience & being in God's service] elevates life to its most fulfilling level. If our deepest, wordless self is empty, we won't be fulfilled by this world's things. It is possible to reach through fear, suffering, & loss to grab hold of the hem of God's robe. Then our lives are suffused with mercy & we see the loving context of all that is. [The gaps left by ripping out all of the unholy in our lives], purely for the love of God, is filled with bliss. A life applied to seeking God's love, would be met with a flood of grace. A life attuned to that flood vibrates with joy.
[Queries]—How has my work influenced my spiritual journey? How do I see God playing a role in bringing me difficulties or in resolving them? How have children or receivers of care been teachers to me? How can "appropriate expectations be useful in my life or my meeting's life? Why is there so much suffering by innocent children? How would I describe my religious experience? How do I understand heaven? How do I respond [to the idea that some are called to] have great needs and those who have much are called to give to those who have little? How does the statement "There is only justice in the next world" trouble me? How has God moved me here or there in order to make use of me? How have I struggled to forgive someone who has harmed me? What experiences have I had of deep spiritual joy, and what have I understood its source to be?
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391. Getting Rooted: Living in the Cross; a Path to Joy & Liberation (by Brian
Dayton; 2007)
About the Author—Brian Drayton of Weare MM is a plant ecologist working in science education research & a recorded minister in New England YM. He has traveled among Friends with a concern to encourage those who contribute to their meeting’s ministry. He was one of the Quaker Peacebuilders Camp’s originators; it taught Quaker nonviolent action. This essay had its origins in a Connecticut Valley Quarterly Meeting presentation.
Thou has sown a precious seed, and planted a noble vine by thine own hand, and given us a root of life, the foundation of our faith … Robert Barclay
What Does it Mean for us to “Find our Quaker Roots?”—The fruits of live lived more powerfully, humbly, & faithfully are urgently needed. The root zone of a plant is a dynamic area of growth, exploration, & stability. We feel a need for firmer footing or for nourishment that is lacking. In common parlance, “finding my roots” connotes a quest to become better acquainted with family history. Most Friends searching for spiritual roots aren’t Quakers by heritage. We resemble 1st-generation Friends, [who came to Quakerism in adulthood]. We lack a deep, wordless education that can come from immersion in a culture’s rhythms & boundary-keeping rituals. Roots are an integral part of the plant body, and the flows of life-materials are always going on in 2 direction, from the roots to the shoot, and from the shoot to the roots.
[Intellectual Approach & Tentative Discoveries]—If we see our search for roots primarily as intellectual, we run the risk of [a purely] external experience. In a superficial, acquisitive approach, we fail to test the meaning & to be transformed by the truthfulness of the things that we encounter when “seeking our roots.” We are more likely to make progress in the quest to explore our roots if we recognize from the outset that such a search has a complex & fluid nature. If we aren’t mindful of the tentative condition of our discoveries, we can find ourselves caught in a cycle where resolution alternates with backsliding, [with its risk of] discouragement & loss of vision.
Such frustration is not a new phenomenon in Friendly experience; [Job Scott and John Woolman write of such experiences]: “I awoke with joy … that I had escaped imminent danger. But all proved insufficient to induce a re-engagement for reformation … My accuser, and yet my best friend, tormented me both day and night, yet in all tender love, in order to redeem my precious soul … [Job Scott]. “The Lord had been very gracious, and spoke peace to me in the time of my distress, and I now most ungratefully turned again to folly. At times I felt sharp reproof, but I did not get low enough to cry for help.” [John Woolman].
The waves of the incoming tide may recede, but they leave evidence of the higher level they have reached, suggesting that the water may rise to that height again. The residue of sweetness, of invitation that came from the occasional taste of Truth and freedom, kept him at least a little tender, a little accessible to further contact with the Light. Robert Barclay wrote: “I felt a secret power among them which touched my heart, and as I gave way unto it, I found the evil weakening in me and the good raised up, and so I became thus knit and united unto them, hungering more and more after the increase of this Power and Life.”
We are all likely, from time to time, to feel we have traveled farther toward faithfulness than we have. I can sometimes see & say more than I have actually experienced. If we aren’t alert to this possibility, [any progress we make can seem] an illusion, scrolling past for my reassurance. The Apostle Paul writes: “I find a law that when I would do good, evil is present with me … I see another law in my members, warring against the law of my mind.”
Within hours of some peak of clarity, some moment of stress may come, & I react in anger or defensiveness. [I concentrate more on] taking the sense of blessing & reward [of right action] & let it feed my soul, rather than letting a subsequent stumbling demoralize me. [With their inconsistencies] Christians have always been both the best & the worst advocates for Christianity. The many selves we are (& wish to be, & have been) are “present in solution,” & the boundaries between one version of ourselves & another grow thin. With all our selves present, we can move more freely toward concern, toward integrity, inward to God, & outward to our brothers & sisters.
It is important to avoid the other trap, which is to discount the growth that has actually occurred, [or to feel that] we cannot recreate some impossible ideal from the past.
The temptation to admire others’ witness while avoiding our own is not new to our time. [John Browning said]: “I thought I might have felt some secret virtue in the place where George Fox had stood and preached, whom I believe was a good man. Whilst I stood there, I was secretly informed, that … virtue is not to be communicated by dead things … but by the power of God, who is the fountain of living virtue.” While we must avoid being in uncritical thrall to the past’s shadow (whether idealizing it or resisting it), I believe we have much to learn from Quaker of previous eras. Much depends on where we are standing when we seek to make our judgments and our choices about the way forward and about the way we are to be.
Living in the Cross: Becoming Rooted in the Life—The crucial ingredient for linking aspiration and vision with reality, for linking profession and possession, is a method for moving from where we are to where we hope to be. Our roots must be fixed in the experience of being worked upon by the living God. Friends have spoken of this as living in the Cross. 2 things seem very useful for understanding what it means to “live in the Cross”: knowing “Jesus Christ and him crucified”; “demonstration of the Spirit and of power.”
Friends have taught that if we are to benefit from the Christ event, we must experience it in our lives, day by day as way opens. The 1st Friends had a sense of the presence of the Christ life at work in everyone—though to some degree this life was oppressed, a suffering Seed in those who weren’t faithful. Even the smallest positive response on our part would mean more power being made available to us. Isaac Penington writes: “The power meets it, embraces it, appears to it, & manifests itself in it, proportional to its present capacity & condition.”
Living in the Cross means participating in a process of liberation from things, feelings, & beliefs that may give us a sense of security, but that also keep us bound & compelled in need & fear. In a spiritual sense, it is the death of some aspects of ourselves so that God can raise up new Life in us. [There is fearing the death of “not being,” (physical death), & the death of “not-counting” (being without social value). Everyday concerns may be remote from the threat of total annihilation, but they can trigger “fight” or “flight” responses that are instinctive in us for bodily preservation. The fear of being excluded, dismissed, or ridiculed is very real & shapes our actions.
The 1st step is to be open, in some little degree, to the idea that something is amiss: to become tender and teachable. When we suspect some place in ourselves where the Life of God is oppressed, blocked, or denied, we have a new opportunity to make a choice for that Life or against it. The Quaker response is simple but subtle and very hard to do in any sustained fashion. It is a great temptation to mistake the moment of sudden insight for real understanding. In our moments of “Aha,” we can see where the problem lies—but there may be much yet to discover about how the problems connect to other parts of our personalities and habits. The key is not to rush to conclusion or action, but always to mind the Light 1st and foremost, waiting to feel the Presence, quiet and peaceful, and to receive assurance of the love and light that God sheds freely.
[Stirrings of life in the heart]—Penington writes: “Here is the great deceit of man; he looks for a great, manifest power in or upon him to begin with, & doth not see how the power is in the little weak stirrings of life in the heart.” By keeping our hand on the plow, we begin to find & feel the work of the Cross. [It isn't an act in any form]. It is an experience of the heart, soul, mind, and body, in which we participate. [And we must wait for it expectantly]. In this transition of expectant waiting for the moment of illumination, there is learning. [I have] sometimes felt safe enough to admit how the anger has some history, even some utility, which has made it part of my toolkit and my personality.
We should not cling to the feelings and thoughts that arise too long, or they may prevent us from reaching the Presence. James Naylor writes: “Art thou in the Darkness? Mind it not, for if thou dost it will fill thee, but stand still and act not, and wait in patience till Light arises out of Darkness to lead thee.” We can find ourselves struggling against change, feeling reluctant to become, even in a small matter, a new person. Inward experience is just the harrowing of the field to make way for fresh growth from the True Vine.
Until you have been able to look at your current problem in the love of Christ, you are not likely to see the true value of your plans and resolutions. In minding the Light and not your trouble, I believe that in time you will find yourself relinquished from the grip of the problem and drawn more strongly to a new way of life, able to live into a new habit of mind. [You can find a way to] not be its slave anymore]. Even with a small advance towards the Light, I am better able to see how darkness had some hold on me and the nature of that bondage.
Living in the Cross means one passes through death to a newness of life. In one’s own measure and sphere, one participates in the drama of salvation whose great signs are Calvary and the empty; it is the Lamb’s war as you & I can live it. The presence is ever less veiled, which brings judgment and healing, establishes perspective, tends to humility & patience, strengthens compassion, & enriches [our perceptions] of beauty, purity, & mercy. Coming into this place, we find that God is at work as an active spirit. Allowing ourselves to move away from the center of the story, we are shown coherence and simplicity, and our openings are put to the test beyond the boundaries of our inner arena; we learn experimentally. George Fox wrote: “Friends, whatever you are addicted to, the Tempter will come in that thing. After you see your thoughts and the temptations, do not think but submit. Stand still in the Light and submit to it, and the other will be hushed and gone. Then contentment comes.”
The Test of Practice—When Paul characterizes the power of God and human wisdom in opposition to each other, he is thinking of God as re-creator, the transformer of human lives. The power is that which can transform us from the inside out. Our testimony that God is alive and at work must come in our living, and in fact it is finally in the test of practice that we can learn the meaning of our openings. If I say, “[I think] I’m a Quaker, so I am living the Quaker way,” we may be a counsel of no-change. In such a condition, I am in fact limiting the motion of the Spirit or “covering the Seed” with too much earth and keeping it down.
The antidote isn't to leap into action, but renew our connection with the Living God. Penington writes: “All true religion hath a true root … It isn't enough to hear of Christ … [One must] feel him my root, my life, my foundation.” With the fresh understanding gained in the school of Christ, we have a keener perception of where that of God may be found in ourselves and others as well as a renewed eagerness to seek it and remain within it.
Living in the Cross requires an actual change. A breakthrough comes if we do not overreach, but stay low and teachable. We must be willing to be foolish with respect to human reckoning, and this can be hard. We must in all honesty fail to perform brilliantly as we would wish, but instead we find ourselves drawn into worshipful waiting, [seeking] to preserve our inward attention. If we work on seeking openly and do not rush to answers, speaking and living with more truthful adherence to what we have found, we will find that we are changed. Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, generosity, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control are the fundamental fruits which we can hope to see growing in us.
Growth of the Spirit also brings with it a power of sympathy & an enlargement of our ability to listen. As we grow in our understanding, we become increasingly aware of many shapes that the darkness can take, the many ways we shut out God’s love, & our reasons for sorrow are multiplied & intensified. Even the smallest step for-ward brings a reward of strength & delight. Joy is part of his life’s gift as is mourning, 2 sides of the same coin.
Rooted in Life, We Find Community—Through striving in the Spirit and being instructed by it, we tap the resources that allow us to love, to pray inwardly and in action, to overcome hurt, and to enact a true Gospel. We can learn from others by approaching our differences from that place of compassion that enriches all our faculties of mind and heart. We need to not dismiss or withdraw from what we find alien, but to wait with it in our peculiarly Quaker way, which is an active, questioning, engaged listening. While the official canon of Scripture was settled long ago, we are in some sense still living the latest chapters of the acts of the Apostles.
Through living and speaking this story of the power that Light and love can exert over dark, Friends have found the messages that need to be spoken to their times. We can see and say how so much of what people do is beside the point, how much of human effort contributes to an oppression that can only be lifted by opening to the Light. We can name the hard things, having been empowered to confront hard things in ourselves. We can testify out of the joy and labor of our inward experience and out of our experiments in turning the inward experience of Life into outward words and deeds.
Rooted in Life, in Community, We Take our Share in the Work of the Mystical Body—In the beginning of the 12th month [1758] I joined … in visiting such as had slaves … The Lord was near to me, and preserved my mind in calmness under some sharp conflicts, and begat a spirit of sympathy and tenderness in me towards some who were grievously entangled by the spirit of this world. John Woolman
The inward work that I have been speaking of is the root of true qualification for ministry. Our service in love is indeed a gift and service that arises from the spiritual Body which our community is part of. We can draw strength from other kinds of rootedness: community; tradition; and scripture. Skepticism about ministry is reasonable, because much so-called ministry of word or deed is not rooted in the experience I have been meditating upon in this essay. [John Woolman writes of those who share in the experience of the Life]: “Some glances of real beauty may be seen in their faces who dwell in true meekness. There is a harmony in the … voice to which Divine love gives utterance, and right order in their temper and conduct.”
If we believe that our spiritual experience isn’t entirely a personal chemical disturbance, & is available to anyone who seeks it, we capture some of our experiences in words & offer them to others for encouragement, invention, challenge, or surprise. Do you make space in daily life for a time of retirement, in which you wait until you are no longer contemplating yourself but come to where you can reach beyond yourself to the living Other? In that practice, & in growing obedience to the One we meet there, we are truly getting back to the Root.
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392. Spirit-led Eldering (by Margery Mears Larrabee; 2007)
About the Author—Margery Mears Larrabee, a member of Mt Holly Meeting in New Jersey, is a teacher, leader, & facilitator of workshops & retreats. She is an elder & minister in Friends General Conference’s Traveling Ministries Program. She has served on several worship & ministry committees. She has authored 2 pamphlets.
[Introduction]—What is Spirit-led eldering? Spirit-led eldering uses a sacred point of view that can penetrate any experience, any structure, & situation, and help us to regain or maintain our capacity for being spiritually grounded and faithfully connected to the Spirit. It is offering spiritual leadership, to support and encourage the life of the Spirit in an individual or group. No particular act or behavior in itself qualifies as Spirit-led eldering.
Spirit-led eldering is in the genre with restorative justice, affirmative inquiry, appreciative listening, and servant leadership. The emphasis here is on giving attention to our substance, our true nature, as a basis for resolving any issues with our shadow. Being spirit-led is key. Without having this intention we are likely to speak merely from our self-centered thoughts and feeling or from unresolved personal issues. The point is to discern the best way to be used in the service of the Spirit.
Spirit-led eldering can be either spontaneous or intentional. It is essential and integral to our Quaker way of faith and practice. We may have been fearful not only of seeking and trusting the Spirit but also of taking the steps to prepare ourselves to be an adequate channel, or to act in an intrusive or socially acceptable way. Structures providing a container and an opportunity for Spirit-led eldering are the nominating committee, care and oversight committee, spiritual friendships, teaching, meeting for worship, and clearness committee.
Paramount in Spirit-led eldering is the Spirit’s accepted presence & of someone listening, having learned that remaining faithful to the relationship with the Spirit is primary. The opportunity for Spirit-led eldering is often unexpected. We need to be prepared by our discipline & practice to carry out Spirit-led eldering. Sandra Cronk emphasizes that eldering’s purpose isn’t to prove another wrong, but to move toward greater faithfulness together.
From the early gathered Quaker community, mature, spiritually-grounded persons emerged as guides. These discerning Friends began to live out the eldering function. They were called elders as a term for their function, not as an office they filled. In time individuals within meetings were assigned responsibility for maintaining Friends’ values and the distinctive Quaker way of life. These individuals became over-vigilant, caught up in hierarchy, criticalness, and heavy-handedness. The authentic affirmation and the positive power of Spirit-led truth-telling and plain-speaking have been essential to my spiritual journey.
Early Examples of Eldering—John Richardson was approached by William Penn after speaking at length in meeting for worship. Penn said that they “were willing and easy to give way to this Truth.” This is an example of mentoring and evoking gifts. In the early 18th century, there were “overseers that carried out the eldering function,” guided by queries and prayerful discernment, [resulting in either] letters of repentance or removal from formal membership in the meeting. Samuel Bownas followed Quaker customs of dress and attended worship, but in his heart he cared much more for pleasure. [He was specifically called to account by a young minister, and felt like Saul on the road to Damascus; it turned his life around and inspired him to ministry]. I see this admonishment as righteous judgment and correction that flowed out of a Spirit-led ministry.
How does the authority of the Spirit break through our social conventions for its own purposes in ways we haven’t yet understood? Are we open & receptive to such possibilities? What I find compelling and inspiring about the lives of early Friends is their mutual and active desire to be accountable for the spiritual health, nurture, and behavior of members, attenders and the meeting as a whole. A Friends meeting is intended to be so much more than a loose association of individuals on separate and private spiritual journeys. We let go of the idea that we have only private lives and hold ourselves accountable to the authority of the Spirit in the life of the meeting.
[In a dispute between Friends over water rights, where one Friend dammed up the waterway, many methods were tried to resolve the dispute, including the classical Biblical ones. One of the Friends asked:] What could possibly be done that would likely have the desired effect? It “was presented to him that he should go wash his neighbor’s feet.” [He himself resisted the idea, as did his neighbor, but they finally submitted and a great, lasting change came over them both, far beyond settling the water rights dispute].
[Queries]: To what extent are we willing to give priority to creating and maintaining right relationship with the Spirit and with each other? Are we open to inspiration leading to unfamiliar and extraordinary acts? Can we go beyond what seems fair and right in an ordinary way? Do we look 1st to changing ourselves with restoration and healing? How are we being challenged?
Eldering Today—The implications of Spirit-led eldering are based on a concern for the wholeness of the person and the meeting. [Eldering based solely on the “usual order” of the meeting takes away the freedom of the Spirit and comes off as a reprimand]. If there are strong negative reactions, they may be eldering, or they may be strong responses to a personal need. Encounters like that inspired a minute that called us to listen, hear, and be open to any genuine, heartfelt messages of a person’s spiritual journey.
Spiritual discernment allows for reflective space between the perception of the need for eldering and the actual carrying out of the eldering function. Spirit-led eldering strives to include whole persons and whole situations, accepted and understood in their fullness. The eldering function is more effective when it does not unnecessarily stir up defensiveness and hurt. It is equally important for eldering persons to remain faithful to their leadings and not to base their approaches solely on the anticipated response of the recipients.
Comments made at the rise of meeting are simply that—comments. The eldering function in depth requires a deep and intimate exchange that includes finding out what the situation is like for the person being eldered. The [full] process would provide participants with an opportunity to engage each other, in person, and in the Spirit. The important point is to remain open to the Spirit and to let our imaginations and creativity be touched by it so that we may be led to meet the occasion appropriately and helpfully. [Once, when many spoke and there was little or no worshipful time between speaking], I found myself standing up, remaining wordless for a time; standing has historic precedent among Friends.
The power of being spirit-led can lead us to behave in a creative way unique to the assembled body and to the moment. Our behavior in a similar situation should not be repeated simply because it has been helpful in the past. A large meeting I was attended designated ½ an hour at each monthly meeting for business to be spent listening to individuals’ concerns or witness on same-gender commitments.
The process continued for 1 ½ years, with 7 years of discussion preceding it. People opened up and found themselves saying things about themselves they hadn’t realized before. A sense of the meeting finally emerged, with a persistent voice of opposition. The clerk reminded us that arriving at the sense of the meeting did not require unanimity; we approved a minute and came to closure. In this process Friends sought to accept and understand each other’s human experience, even when they did not agree.
Queries—[In the face of unaware and repetitive comments in opposition to the sense of the meeting], is a forceful “Sit down” an appropriate interruption and helpful to the meeting? Was there a missed opportunity for nurturing & discernment prior to the actual business session to relate to the disagreeing Friend?
Special Opportunities for Eldering: Transfer of Membership—Friends have beliefs, principles, testimonies, and processes to consider and explore. The meeting for membership process presents numerous opportunities to practice Spirit-led eldering, including accountability. Here it is concerned with beginning to nurture a deep connection, understanding and trust in the Spirit. After 2 years of sojourning at a new meeting, I was contacted by a member of their membership committee. She shared the concern that I should move membership as soon as I was spiritually ready [to leave my Washington D. C. meeting after 33 years]. Her meeting with me showed that the meeting was aware and caring and faithful to its responsibilities. Showing this kind of respect, dignity, and value for what may need to happen in a critical and caring process is essential for meaningful eldering.
Queries—As we meet in an appropriate time and space, do we have in mind 1st to listen, to understand, and to accept the other person’s present situation? Are we prepared for an outcome of either mutual agreement or mutual disagreement? Are we mindful of and turned to the Spirit throughout our exchange?
Application for Membership—The process of application for membership can be a unique opportunity to explore in depth hard questions about faith and other matters that are germane to Quaker faith and practice. A scientist came to meeting who appeared to feel that the meeting for worship was fertile ground to win people over to his perspective. He met with a group at the clerk’s home and [shared at length his life story of religious faith, betrayal, and his finding salvation in science]. When the clerk shared her own experience with Quaker faith and practice, he listened in disbelief and abruptly left the house. Although Friends would have welcomed further dialogue and relationship with him, he chose to leave.
Queries—Can we give priority to finding the energy and time for an extended eldering process when it seems called for? How are we nurturing our capacity for plain speaking that emerges from the clear, centered, and caring place in which we are empowered to do this kind of eldering? Are we ready to trust the Spirit and give up expectations about outcomes? Are we willing to provide a rigorous membership process that brings applicants to their own understanding of Friends’ faith and practice, and provides a solid beginning to their experience in the meeting?
Nominating Committee/ How to Elder—[In the nominating process, with its deadlines & shortage of candidates], it is tempting to use a secular approach to get the job done. The committee has the opportunity to discern gifts & leadings of individuals & offer [positions] that fit appropriately for the benefit of the person & the meeting. [When done this way the committee may call itself] “a committee for the discovery of gifts & leadings.” Using such a process, there is a greater likelihood of committee work being in line with the Spirit & the meeting’s spiritual life. Nominating committees may encourage the formation of small groups for the discernment of gifts.
Queries—How may each of us seek to do the inner work needed to become more prepared, ready to respond to others in the service of the Spirit in our community? How are we paying attention, blessing, calling forth, & nurturing our own & each other’s gifts as we support the work of the nominating committee?
What do people say when they are eldering? There is no 1 dialogue, no 1 way to speak, no 1 context in which eldering happens. We reach out to others from this spiritual consciousness with a desire to hold all in alignment with Spirit. Eldering is most deeply effective when the work is done from a spiritual consciousness, regardless of any annoyance or anger that may have led up to it. The eldering function flows out of our sensitivity to inner guidance & spiritual perception. One needs to be careful not to let preconceived ideas close off awareness.
The Internal Dialogue—A basic assumption underlying Spirit-led eldering is that the same Light is in all; that Light in one person may answer the Light in another. When one is led to live out the eldering function, a dialog in which one listens and responds to the authority of the Inner Light is primary.
Queries—Where is the Spirit in this matter? Am I coming from a centered place? Am I open to continual discernment and guidance? Am I prepared [to love, to affirm as well as confront], to embrace both the substance and shadow within the person and relate to that totality, not just to the particular concern? Is my desire to be right or to make the situation right?
Am I clear that eldering is for supporting one another in keeping with the Spirit out of which good order comes, not to bring change? Am I sufficiently receptive & attentive to the Spirit that I am ready to be used as an instrument, in whatever unusual way opens? Are there times when I know to wait until a problem behavior by repetition clearly becomes a fault?
The intention of Spirit-led eldering is for both persons to be in right relationship with each other. Isaac Penington’s queries for troubled relationships include: “Is the thing or things which thou hast against him fully so as thou apprehendest? Hast thou seen evil in him, or to break forth from him? Hast thou … in tender love and meekness of spirit, laid the thing before him? Hast thou tenderly mentioned to others, and desired them to go with thee to him, that what is evil and offensive in him might be more weightily and advantageously laid before him for his humbling and recovery? If thou has let in any hardness of spirit, or hard reasonings against him, the witness of God will not justify thee in that.
Listening/ The Mystery of Eldering—Douglas Steere wrote: “To ‘listen’ another’s soul into a condition of disclosure and discovery may be almost the greatest service that any human being ever performs for another.” “Human listening then becomes what it is: a preciously thin point in the membrane where the human and divine action can be felt to mingle.” There is a God-given knowing and wisdom within each of us to be brought forth. The listener gives up expectations about outcome and simply trusts. As we discern our places within the eldering process, we are frequently led to be nondirective, [but we must still] remain open to being called to more directive or forceful approaches as the Spirit works through us in unpredictable ways.
For me, eldering is not so much something we do as it is something we are. When eldering is mindful of whether persons, circumstances, and situations are in or not in alignment with the Spirit, then we can be guided to function accordingly. We take great risks in allowing any worshiper to offer spoken ministry in meeting for wor-ship and in our commitment to love each other as part of our meeting.
Today among Friends, we find considerable concern that any desire to elder be taken first to a committee. With equal soundness, a concerned person may wish to turn to the other meeting structures mentioned here for the same desire. The most important thing is our intention to be Spirit-led & to stay connected & nurtured by our faith community. Ron Selleck wrote: Both an unspiritual, [rigid] rigor and unspiritual laxity are destructive of life.”
The Spirit will bless our investment in the life of the meeting and our expectation that ways will open. During the surprising, disarming times, a connection is made with God-given wisdom and insight, [and Truth is conveyed]. The Spirit may also break through in wonderfully admonishing [and surprising] ways, through surprising people. Our awareness of God breaking through and discovering ourselves in a moment of alignment with the Spirit is an indefinable, uncontrollable and unpredictable mystery.
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393. Rebecca Janney Timbres Clark: Turned in the Hand of God (by Lyndon S.
We were very moved by the tears in the eyes of the Vietnamese who told us about learning of Norman’s self-immolation; especially the men. Khong Dai Minh, once a buffalo boy said: “One day, the headmaster called us together & told us about Morrison … Of course, we all cried. I could not believe someone in another country would die for us.” [All of us] in that room cried again. Pham Khac Lam said: “Then came the sacrifice of Morrison, a blazing light which lit up the sky, a flame of liberty and hope.”
It was as if Norman’s act had sent an arrow of love and compassion from his heart half way around the world and into the hearts of the Vietnamese people. It was [and still is] a wondrous thing. Vu Xuan Hong said: “We would have fought to the last man for our freedom, even if it would have taken us 30 more years. There would have been more deaths on both sides. Even if it was 10 more years, I am convinced Morrison and the peace movement helped to shorten the war and save lives.”
Time to Forgive—Viet Nam is a beautiful, agrarian country with an ancient, distinguished heritage, now at peace. We encountered little resentment toward our country, but rather openness, curiosity & friendliness. A gifted interpreter, Bui The Giang told us: “China invaded Viet Nam. The Vietnamese captured, & beheaded the emperor’s son. Then we made restitution. We had a bronze statue made of the emperor’s son & sent it as a peace offering … We have a history of bringing gifts to placate or assuage those we defeat, to make friends with them.
I asked: “How have you been able to forgive us American, & the French, Chinese, Japanese & others?” Our guide Bui Van Nghi answered: “It’s just in our nature … If you hold on to the past too tight, you miss the present & the future. The spirits of deceased loved ones are still celebrated. We believe they are nearby. They are close to us.” Each Vietnamese family creates an altar where religious objects are placed along with flowers, incense, & photos. I created such a place of memory on a table in our living room, including photos & the beautifully carved Buddha with the 1,000 Hands Statue given to us by Pham Van Dong. Viet Nam may have something to teach us about dealing with loss, about not holding grudges, and being open to the future. About forgiving and healing.
Nghi wrote When a Small Child, which reads in part: “When a child/ I learned a poem … Since then, I know 2 Americas, 2 Americans:/ One with aspiration for peace & humanities,/ One with lust of warmonger./ I respect the people who love peace/ And hate war,/ Like most of my Vietnamese compatriots, … Like all progressive people on earth … I want you to convey my love/ And affection of the Vietnamese people/ To the people who braved their lives/ For peace,/ To normal Americans,/ To Viet Nam Veterans./ Please tell them to come back …Viet Nam needs more & more friends./ Viet Nam loves peace & understanding,/ Reconciliation & Friendship … May God bless Viet Nam./ May God bless Americans./ May God bless all families/ in Viet Nam and USA.”
For me our trip was full of healing and worth all the effort and challenges. When I looked into the eyes of the Vietnamese people and saw the love they still have for Norman, I knew that something beautiful had risen from the ashes of agony and loss. His was an act of love and courage, and it conveyed an unspeakable beauty. It has become part of the Great Mystery of life. One theme in Norman’s life was denial of the “friends vs. enemies” dichotomy. The other theme is how necessary forgiveness and compassion are for healing.
Norman’s story is also about how one act, one moment in a life can set so much into motion and affect so many. Julia Cameron said: “Within me, I carry God. Within God, I am carried.” Just these 2 lines express part of the Great Mystery. Within the Great Mystery, how are we to act? How else but by trying to do the best we know, and trusting in the Inward Guide? Others, seen and unseen are standing with us whenever we stand for the sake of humanity. Robinson Jeffers wrote: “And we know that the enormous invulnerable beauty of things/ Is the face of God, to live gladly in its presence, and die without grief or fear, knowing it survives us.”
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About the Author—Marcelle Martin a member of Chestnut Hill Monthly Meeting, served as teacher and spiritual nurturer at Pendle Hill; she facilitates retreats to help monthly meetings explore spiritual practices and growth as faith communities. She is a graduate of the Shalem Institute Program on Spiritual Guidance.
Our life is love and peace, and tenderness … praying for one another, and helping one another up with a tender hand. Isaac Penington
Learning to Pray for Another—Praying with & for one another is a powerful way to engender spiritual vitality in our lives & meeting communities. However we understand intercessory prayer, holding one another in the Light can bring us deeper spiritual intimacy with each other & the Divine. [Praying for God to do something] according to my ideas of what is best is problematic for many Friends. [Some don’t agree with God picking & choosing, some believe God knows without guidance, some don’t conceive of divinity that operates in a personal way.
During my early college years, intercessory prayer was not part of my relationship with the mysterious Eternal Being. An ongoing series of experiences has convinced me that holding others in the Light can have an effect. [I have felt internally a connection with another person that had no basis in external fact. It has given me strength and brought peace to relationships].
Over the years, praying for others, holding them in the light has become a frequent practice. Often my prayer doesn’t include mental words or specific requests. Sometimes I visualize the person filled and surrounded with light or imagine them being held by God. A moment sometimes comes when, in my mind’s eye, the person seems to smile or glow more brightly, and I will feel the prayer is complete. Often I pray for others during my quiet time in the morning. [Spontaneous prayer comes often throughout the day]. I have learned to be more humble about the cause of my problems with another and hold us up together for divine illumination and healing. I suddenly become aware that I have been “holding” someone or many people without being fully conscious of it.
What Happens in Intercessory Prayer—Prayer on behalf of others is an opportunity to participate in divine love. The “answer” to our prayer for them may be an action we ourselves are called to take. Imagining a change for a Friend might not be what God wanted, but the effort would nonetheless be helpful, just not in the way one imagines. Taking on the suffering of others may not necessarily be required as part of intercessory prayer. One can instead imagine those persons in their essential wholeness, visualize that of God in them, and them surrounded by the Light. Often I have an image of Jesus being with that person in a healing way.
Other experiences of intercessory prayer suggest a metaphor of being a hollow tube, bridge or conduit for God’s healing power to flow through; or perhaps a transformer, a recipient of God’s high-voltage love for another who converts that love to a frequency easier for that person to assimilate. In prayer we might find ourselves shifting from our everyday consciousness to the state in which we and the one prayed for are inseparable, both part of the “hidden unity in the Eternal Being.” This state of oneness with another in God, can activate or assist the healing capacities of Light within them. All these forms of intercessory prayer may be part of the spiritual journey. Not everyone prays the same way, or needs to. Participation in the divine love for others is somehow necessary. We can become mediators of the love of God for one another, gradually helping ourselves and those we love and pray for to become more directly open to the divine healing love that makes us whole.
Spiritual Fellowship and the Prayer of Carrying—One month, it puzzled me why particular people were coming to mind in prayer, rather than others with whom I was in more frequent contact. One day I realized that each of them had taken it upon themselves to pray for me on a regular basis. Thomas Kelly describes what he calls the Prayer of Inward Carrying, which “consists in a well-nigh continuous support, in prayer, for some particular souls who are near to you in the things of the inner life. Through the day you quietly hold them high before God in inward prayer, vicariously offering your life and strength to become their strength and life. These are not a chance group of people; they are your special burden and privilege]: You quietly hold them high before God in inward prayer, giving them to Him.” This is key to sustaining the vitality of the meeting community.
Praying with Others/ Prayer as a Meeting or Meeting Committee—Taking time to pray for one another during a private conversation can greatly renew and strengthen us inwardly. Praying in groups can be a powerfully healing and supportive practice as well. [Once when I sat in a chair as a focus of others’ prayer, I was] profoundly moved; I felt lovingly held and known. During the coming year I recalled the memory of being held in the Light by that small group. It helped me love and accept myself and feel sustained by God. I was especially moved by my experience in a small group containing members of different races and varied religious traditions. I felt a strong inward vibration of prayer and a sense of being united in a precious spiritual oneness with the group.
There are many different possible ways to pray aloud for another person. Those who do not feel moved to speak aloud can hold the person in the Light silently also a powerful gift of prayer. Participants [in a prayer circle] are often able to offer touching words for one another, and sometimes speak of a spiritual power they experience while praying for others in the group, a power that leaves them feeling energized in an unexpected way. People often return to the larger group with a softened faces, looking as though they been deeply blessed, even baptized, washed clean of something that had separated them from others. The experience serves to unite the members of the group, heightening their awareness of the love they have for one another.
There are occasions when a meeting wants to pray together for a particular concern. At Pendle Hill it is currently the custom after meeting for worship to ask if there are prayer requests. Praying for the whole meeting & its individual members was once an important function of meeting committees. [By doing so], the committee’s service becomes more truly an expression of divine love for their community. Praying together is a powerful way to heighten the bonds between members of any group & to anchor the group’s activity more strongly in the love healing, & guidance of the light. It can become increasingly natural for individuals to request prayer, or to suggest it when someone seems in particular need. Strengthened by the group prayer, the divine inner seed continues providing guidance & support long after the gathering has dispersed.
Meetings for Healing—A regular or occasional evening can be set aside for holding a meeting for prayer and healing. At Pendle Hill, a meeting for prayer and healing is held every Sunday evening for an hour. I try to open myself to participate in the flow of divine healing energy, to center myself in the state of Eternal Oneness in which all is already whole and healed and in harmony. Out of the silence, someone will make a request for prayer. During the course of the hour anyone may stand up and walk to the chair. The person may be touched by several people. If the person remains deeply moved after returning to their seat, someone may go sit close by to show continued support even after the focus of the larger group turns toward another prayer request. At the end of the hour the group forms a circle, saying their own name and others for whom they wish to pray. Placing hand on another person may not be right for everyone, & it may be best to wait for a leading of the Spirit before doing so.
Meetings for healing can be held entirely in silence, without spoken requests or prayers. Even when there is no physical touch or eye contact, in the silence one can sometimes be more aware of a palpable effect of the powers of healing. [Once, in a group of] about 60 women, I experienced a profound silence inside me and in the room. We were gathered into a deep, tender experience of spiritual connection with each other, the whole world, and that which is eternal.
Some Friends prefer that requests or prayers be offered as moved by the Spirit out of that silence, while others prefer that each person speaks of their needs & is prayed for. Whatever the form, gathering as a meeting to pray for one another, one’s spiritual community, & the world is a wonderful opportunity for spiritual closeness. Monthly meetings would do well to consider organizing meetings for prayer & healing. The meeting as a whole can experience a spiritual deepening as a result. There have sometimes been reports of healing that happened after the prayer group held an absent person’s concern in the Light. Just knowing they are being prayed for can help people become more receptive to the healing capacities within themselves. Some meetings created prayer networks or prayer chains. [In special cases], a prayer vigil requires participants to commit to pray at a particular time of day. People are signed up to pray as close to 24 hours a day as possible. [Even though a cure to the subject of prayer] may not come in the form desired, some felt sure their prayers had been helpful in invisible, spiritual ways.
Intercessory Prayer to Nurture Meetings, Members, & Ministry—Prayer is one of the important ways we help the divine seed within ourselves, others, our culture, and the world to overcome the forces that oppress it. [Those] called to pray both for individuals and for the meeting community as a whole are now known as “spiritual nurturers.” It is helpful for some Friends to pray for the meeting as a whole and to offer themselves to help the Spirit be present as fully as possible to all the members of the meeting. While many factors were involved, an important part of improving the quality of our business was Friends holding the business meeting in the Light.
Earlier Friends understood that prayer supported the vocal ministry. Pairs of traveling ministers would pray for inspired ministry to come through their traveling companions. Intercessory prayer for the meetings they were visiting was also an important part of the spiritual task of those who traveled. The power of the vocal ministry of traveling ministers to nourish, heal, and transform the listeners was due in part to their intercessory prayer.
Today, friends in the liberal tradition are regaining a sense of how vocal ministry’s depth is related to prayer. Over time I have become more attuned to those laboring with a call to vocal ministry. [Holding such people in the Light can help the speaker both to receive the message more clearly & to find the courage & clarity needed to speak it faithfully. One might also pray that those present may be receptive to the message being delivered. [I have been called to hold a “vocal minister” in the Light while she waited for others to finish their ministry. I have been “corrected” & led to hold in the Light those whose ministry doesn’t speak to my condition]. If I had continued to direct negative thoughts toward him, it might have impaired his ability to experience that of God within.
While teaching or speaking I can sometimes palpably feel the effect of the prayer of the faithful Friend [I have asked to pray for me.] I have learned profound lessons in what it means to be held in the Light and how important it is that we hold one another—in prayer, in love, and even in the body. I experienced how important such support is to one’s capacity to be a faithful and effective minister. Sometimes I imagine myself being held close by God in the form of a loving mother. It is enough to be in her presence, and I do not need the anxious internal dialogue in which I am asking for answers and clarity right now. I believe that Friends and family holding me, physically and in prayer, has helped me gradually to simple be present with the Divine.
Prayer for the World/ The Practice of Intercessory Prayer—There was a prayer vigil for peace in the world, held on Independence Mall in Philadelphia. Our purpose was to pray & witness to the need to seek divine guidance & assistance. The vigil on Independence Mall was the hour of deepest prayer & worship I experienced during the week. I would begin by asking divine assistance in finding peace among those part of the vigil. My focus would then expand from myself & my fellow vigilers to conflict, war, or violence in our city, country, & elsewhere in the world. This would sometimes culminate in an image of holding Planet Earth in my arms as I asked God to bring peace and justice everywhere. Asking God to bring peace would usually lead me to greater peace within myself. Eventually I became aware that God is always showering everyone & everything with divine healing love. To more fully activate God’s peacemaking on earth, we need to ask for it & offer ourselves as channels through whom it can come more into the world.
In the 3rd stage, there were often no more mental words, and no requests. I would simply offer myself as a channel for God’s peace. Allowing one’s self to become tender at the same time that one stands strong in one’s faith and witness is in itself a radical act of peacemaking. During the prayer of simple receptiveness, I have found myself more aware of the divine Light shining within each person. I felt an immense tender love reaching through me towards each individual. Such peace prayers have a place in our private devotional time each day as well as in meetings. It is important remember that prayer itself may be as important as any other activity we take. Our intercessory prayer may be a channel through which divine healing is enabled to penetrate the dark clouds hovering earth and within human consciousness to bring light, hope, healing, harmony, justice, and peace.
For some of us, the regular practice of intercessory prayer can become an important part of each day and a way for the Spirit to bring us closer to the image of Divine within. One Friend [started daily practice after September 11, 2001]: “I felt the prayer deepening and somehow strengthening me in a way I could neither describe nor understand. One morning, I had a deep sense of being inside the prayer itself. I was actually with the world suffering. It has allowed my soul to touch a place of ever-deepening compassion and awareness. As I conclude this pamphlet, my prayer is that Friends everywhere will renew our practice of frequently holding one another in the Light. Intercessory prayer in all its variations supports those we love, helps our meetings to be spiritually vital, and contributes to making manifest God’s healing and transforming presence on earth.
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About the Author—Patience A. Schenk has made her spiritual home in the Annapolis (MD) Friends Meeting since 1966. She has served as her meeting's clerk & on a variety of committees at the YM & the Mid-Atlantic Region level of the American Friends Service Committee. She clerks Baltimore YM Working Group on Racism among Friends. This pamphlet grew out of a workshop she offered at Friends General Conference.
[Introduction]—We Friends have some precious tools & insights to help create the conditions for peace, healthy environment, & a just society. George Fox writes: "If but one man or woman were raised by the Lord's power to stand & live in the same Spirit as the prophets & apostles ... that man or woman would shake all the country in their profession for 10 miles around." The Spirit in whose presence we wait in worship empowers us. Quaker tradition & practice offer us many riches as well. We are relatively sophisticated about politics, mindful of the effects our lifestyles have on the environment, and many of us pursue careers that allow us to make positive contributions. We see how people harm one another and our precious world, and our hearts are heavy.
Yet, for all our genuine concern, our testimonies, queries, & worship with God, most moder n Friends don't make waves. Our organizations do excellent work in our names. Yet most of us [as individuals] could do & yearn to do much more. When were we last reviled? Why don't we shake the country for 10 miles round? We don't know where to begin. We can make a difference if we allow ourselves to be led by the Spirit. [After working myself to exhaustion & discouragement], I have learned some ways to focus my energy & time that refresh, rather than deplete, my spiritual vitality. Through workshops, I found that I could help others do the same.
The key is to discern how God is calling us, & to allow that call to guide our work. I will review Scriptural tradition & the lessons they teach us. There will be exercises in italics that you can do. I will outline ways to maintain faithfulness, avoid burnout, keep going, & gain satisfaction. I attempt to bring together spiritual, emotional, and practical awareness and look at how they all effect our ability to perceive and follow leadings. Being called, being led, openings, being moved, the Lord sending forth, under a feeling, truth requiring, all these terms imply hearing the still small voice within, something deeper and truer than simple individual choice, different from conscience. I will focus on the more personal sense of the Spirit leading us at a particular time and place. I will discuss the individual rather than the group. I will focus on the call to address larger problems in the world.
Call in the Bible—The Judeo-Christian tradition is rich with stories of people who were called by God. When instructed to lead his people out of Egypt, Moses responded, "But who am I, that I should go to Pharaoh, and that I should bring the Israelites out of Egypt?" Moses was "slow and hesitant of speech," but God did not accept these excuses. God promised that Aaron, Moses' brother would speak for him, but Moses was to lead. We feel inadequate to do what we feel led to do. But we stand on holy ground; if God chooses us, we must be God's hands and feet, [and believe] we are capable of going where God leads us.
Like Moses, Jeremiah protested but ultimately was faithful. [After similar protests from Jeremiah], God responded with "You shall go to whatever people I send you and say whatever I tell you to say. Fear none of them, for I am with you and will keep you safe." (Jer. 1:6-8). As God consecrated Jeremiah in the womb, so we too, gain clues to our call by examining how we were made. We see the things we feel called to as spare-time activities, like a hobby. We may need to rearrange our lives more and make God's leadings central. Saul's (later named Paul) rather violent call to service reminds us that sometimes God calls people whom no nominating committee would have considered. Saul's regaining his sight only after someone lays hands on him and recognizes his calls suggests that we need our meetings to validate our leadings.
Gifts—There is purpose in our inborn gifts & in how various influences in our lives have developed them. The array of gifts that each of us are given is one of the clues to how God calls us. We were created this way to balance others with different gifts, and our gifts prepare us for the work God has for us. Friends as a group demonstrate a particular set of them. Adam Curle lists them as: patient, quiet listening; equally at home in village or cabinet office; sympathy for "bad guys"; speaking firmly without alienating; being on good terms with both parties of a dispute; truthful; clarifying blurred perceptions; constructive sympathy; good cross-cultural communication; concerned with peace issues; practical and competent.
Our Own Gifts—How do we gain clarity about our own gifts? Make a list of some things you have done [in any part of your life] that have really lit your fire. What part of the activity did you especially enjoy? What gifts were you exhibiting? Enumerate your strengths boldly. I have used this activity in adult education sessions and asked people to stand up and confidently read off their list of what gifts they have seen and what gifts others have seen in them. This is the person God created.
We feel joy and know we are faithful when we use our gifts. [There is a fear of the risk of investing our gifts]. Elizabeth O'Connor calls it "blasphemy against the Holy Spirit." She goes on to say: "Since the 1st day of our beginning, the Spirit has brooded over the formless, dark void of our lives, calling us into existence through our gifts until they are developed ... Our gifts are the signs of our commissioning, the conveyors of our human divine love, the receptacles of our own transforming, creative power." We must identify our gifts and then we must overcome our resistance to using them.
Our Deepest Caring—We have a good inventory of our gifts. Where [specifically] do we apply our gifts? Where is my heart? What do I care about most deeply? [Different kinds of] yearnings may be both consuming and persistent. God is somewhere in all kinds of caring. Journal about: What issues brought you to tears, energized you, made you determined to act? What vision touched your heart and motivated you? What grieves you so deeply that you want to defeat it?
It can take a while to reach clearness on where our heart is. Cynicism we develop to protect us from disappointment interferes with our ability to care deeply. We have to take our time in connecting with our deepest caring. We need to give thought to those issues that arise from our suffering; there is a danger here. If our hurt isn't healed, our motivation may arise from anger more than a desire to protect others. When we are afraid, grieving, or angry, we may need to hold these feeling in God's healing Light & feel its peace before work can be grounded in Spirit. By considering both gifts & caring, we begin to discern our unique role in healing the world.
Discerning Our Call—What does a leading feel like? [The calls in] biblical stories are bigger than life. For most, call is subtle, slow to take form. George Fox's suffering as a youth was legendary, until he heard, "There is one, even Christ Jesus, that can speak to thy condition." He then set about countering false belief, deceitfulness, & vanity, exhorting people to listen to the voice within, to preach, & to work for justice. He had an unflagging sense of being led. John Woolman had a very different temperament from Fox. Woolman always paid attention to his discomfort & offered it up to God in prayer. In my own case, I once recognized during meeting for worship that I had to address conflict with a friend. As I walked to his house, I had the sense of walking hand-in-hand with God. Afterwards, I felt exhausted but deeply moved. A few months after my retirement, I came to see that I was called to anti-racism work. I cannot prove that God has called me but I feel clear.
It can be helpful for meetings to sponsor worship sharing sessions in which people express their own experiences of being led, which is part of being human, not something that happens to "special" people. When we receive that call, it can be subtle. It can take time to decipher. Over time, if clarity doesn't come, it may be because we have too many commitments. It may be time to create more space in which the Spirit may work. [If we tend to not get involved], we need to take a chance by making a commitment. Patricia Loring writes: "As we grow in the life of the Spirit, our lives come increasingly under divine guidance. We trust increasingly that promptings and leadings of the Spirit will show us the way we are to go.
How do we test whether our perceived leadings are genuine? One test is the sense of peace that follows action to which we have felt led. George Fox writes: "The Spirit of Christ, by which we are guided, isn't changeable, so as once to command us from a thing as evil, & again to move unto it." [What changes is willingness to follow.] Our leadings will be consistent with the spirit of the Scriptures & other sacred books, with Jesus' life & teachings, [with past true leadings, our own & others]. &, we can test our leadings with a clearness committee.
Sometimes Friends [misuse the term "led" & "leading" to cover basic decisions more likely decided by tired bodies or sleepy minds]. We risk depriving this concept of its meaning when we use this language lightly. Being led doesn't mean we become obediently passive or stop thinking. [We still need to educate ourselves & think of alternatives if we oppose something]. When have you felt called to some action? What was it like? How was it different from just thinking that some action would be a good idea? How was it different from following your conscience? Journal about when you thought God was calling you. Describe feelings, message given, & remaining questions. Then start a dialog with God, Jesus, St. Francis, a mentor, someone you respect. Start with: How should I use my life & gifts? Keep writing questions & answers. I don't know that the Spirit calls everyone. Whether the experience is dramatic visitations or faint intimations, it happens in God's time, not ours. We need to be alert to what part God would have us play in healing our world.
Barriers to Faithfulness: Busyness/ Urgency/ Lack of Time—A major barrier is the busy schedule we keep; we need to simplify, make room for our leadings. We must be capable of saying No to a request, even if we don't choose to do so. The key to simplicity is to use spiritual discipline to orient to the deepest place in ourselves. Thomas Kelly said: "There is Divine Abyss within us all, holy Infinite Center, Heart, Life who speaks in us & through us to the world." Another barrier is tremendous urgency we may feel when we see a wrong & want to set it right. We need to take time for discernment, letting Love guide us on the long slow path of change.
We truly may not have adequate time. We have responsibilities we can't eliminate, & we should not exhaust ourselves. If we push ourselves without the God's love as the source of our activities, we will lose our connection with God. Maybe next year will be the right time for ambitious undertakings. For now we can educate ourselves, [& do other things to prepare]. When I was beginning to feel led toward anti-racism work, I was still working, & didn't have a clear direction. [I started going amongst African Americans]. I joined a monthly interracial group. I was reading, asking questions, & learning. I now see God's hand in this progression of events, this preparation. Should we consider a job change, making our calling our profession? Perhaps what our employer asks is exactly what we feel called to do; but we are no longer answerable only to the Spirit. As volunteer workers, we have more freedom. Or, as a "released Friend," a monthly, quarterly, or yearly meeting gives you enough money or support to release you from the need to work for a living so you can follow your leading.
"Nondiscipleship costs abiding peace, a life [filled with] love, hopefulness that stands firm in the most discouraging circumstances ... In short, it costs exactly that abundance of life Jesus said he came to bring." Dallas Willard
[Moses to Joshua]: "Be strong, be resolute; you mustn't be afraid, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will not fail you or forsake you." (Deut. 31:6)
Barriers to Faithfulness: Feeling Overwhelmed/ Lack of Balance Between Work & Relaxation/ But I am Not an Important Person—Another barrier is feeling overwhelmed with the enormity of the world's problems. Anything we do will be just a drop in the ocean. People will say, "Yes, I am doing that, but it's just a small thing. It doesn't count." It does count. It helps if we can lear n the lesson that we are called to be faithful, not always successful. It isn't on our shoulders alone. We may not get to see something through to the end. [Just short of the] Promised Land, God told Moses his work was finished; he was to turn over leadership to Joshua. We do what we are able, [stop when we need to or are called to], knowing that others will be led to complement our work. Balancing work & relaxation requires wisdom. Moving from the extremes of procrastinators & constant doers requires discipline. We need to find our antidote to serious hard work & include it in our schedule.
A further barrier is the difficulty we have thinking of ourselves as important enough to do anything significant. If we use the gifts we have discovered, we might make a difference. Will we be called to bold public action or to quiet private faithfulness? With God's help & presence, we have tremendous power. We mustn't let fear of being important serve as a deciding factor in acting or not acting. Journal about how you have been silenced. Who told you to be quiet? When did you want too much for people to like you? Note specific events. Write yourself a note that says, "I can do big things with God's help." Put it somewhere in plain, daily view.
Fear of Taking Leadership/ Resistance from Others/ Fear—The fear of leadership is another barrier. But leadership is not what we thought it was in high school, neither is it bossing people around. It is having a vision and helping it come into being. This may or may not involve being a visible leader, with responsibility and making decisions. It may mean discerning, or thinking about the needs of a group as a whole rather than just our part in it. George Fox suggests another kind of leadership: "Be patterns, be examples in all places ... wherever you come; that your carriage and life may preach among all sorts of people and to them." If this role is not comfortable at first, over time we will come to think differently about ourselves.
Answering God's call can be difficult because of the way others view us. Jeremiah preached what no one wanted to hear. [He found it hard to endure the reproach and mocking. He found it harder still to hold in the word of the Lord]. "I was weary from holding it under, and could endure no more." Once we accept the call, our integrity will not let us ignore God's word burning in our heart. People are uncomfortable with change; they fight back. Perpetrators are just sheltering themselves from painful knowledge. I have felt hostile toward environmentalists who forced me to face the destruction that is befalling our earth. Those of European heritage don't like to acknowledge our collusion with an unjust system or the privileges we have because of race.
We have to remind ourselves that people's negativism is an expression of their fear of change. [There are many fears involved in this process]: fear of not knowing what to say; fear of consequences of risking resources; fear of large challenges; fear of looking foolish, of discouragement; of taking leadership. Courage isn't the absence of fear; it is action in spite of fear. We can decide that God's will, not comfort level, will be our guiding principle. Make your own list of barriers. Journal about how you might be able to deal with each of them.
Support/ Our Meetings—To overcome barriers, we need reinforcement from like-minded people. Besides support groups, we need: people who: love us; share our commitment; make us clarify our stand; offer spiritual nurture; help practically; believe in & strongly affirm us. Think about different kinds of support you have in life. Write down who meets your various needs. Notice needs not met & think of people who might meet those needs. We can form relationships with people who could give us support, and we can offer similar support to others.
Our meeting can help us discern our leadings, support us and help us see when a call has ended. Like Saul, we need someone to recognize our call before the scales can fall from our eyes, allowing us to fully recognize it. Many experiencing a call do not turn to meetings for help. In clearness committee, a group of Friends gathers with us in worship, asks us questions, and helps us find the way God would have us go. The clearness committee might become a support committee. The oversight committee might be appointed to examine the ministry from the meeting's point of view. When I felt that I had a calling to anti-racism work, I asked for an ongoing committee to help me discern the validity of my calling and to be a sounding board. It occurred to me that a group of people committed to activism could meet together as a clearness committee for one another.
The End of a Leading/ Why be Faithful to Our Call?—Many of the clues that helped us discern our call can indicate when we have been released. When the work no longer uses our gifts, or enthusiasm has died, we may question our leading. Laying a call down, like accepting one requires discernment. But if the time has come, it is better to lay it down consciously than to just let it fizzle out.
A life lived in obedience to the Spirit can be challenging. It can also bring a sense of peace & oneness with all creation that makes life deeply meaningful & rich. Dallas Willard writes: "Nondiscipleship costs abiding peace, a life [filled with] love ... hopefulness that stands firm in the most discouraging circumstances ... In short, it costs exactly that abundance of life Jesus said he came to bring." Moses said to Joshua [as he passed on his "leading" & leadership], "Be strong, be resolute; you mustn't be afraid, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will not fail you or forsake you." (Deut. 31:6)
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384. The Mystery of Quaker Light (by Peter Bien; 2006)
About the Author---Peter Bien first came to Pendle Hill 1952 to train for Quaker International Voluntary Service in Holland. He was a trustee off and on from 1977 2005, serving as clerk of the publications Committee. He taught modern British novel, comparative literature, and Nikos Kazantzakis at Dartmouth College. He and his wife mainly reside at Kendal in Hanover having helped to "invent" it. This is his 4th Pendle Hill Pamphlet.
“The Light Within is the Divine power of creativity and reason that enters me without fragmenting its Oneness, enabling me to know and overcome my inadequacies, and to appreciate [the creation of Light and Word], the true Light that enlightens every person.” Peter Bien
“The Light Within is the Divine power of creativity and reason that enters me without fragmenting its Oneness, enabling me to know and overcome my inadequacies, and to appreciate [the creation of Light and Word], the true Light that enlightens every person.” Peter Bien
I. Before Sun, Moon, & Stars—When a person in Quaker meeting is ill, bereaved, or otherwise troubled, someone typically advises the meeting, “Let’s hold this person in the Light.” The theological formula most often used is the “Inner Light.” Many of us are no longer familiar with the background that accounts for Light’s predominance in Quaker thought. The major elements in the evolution of the Light metaphor are Genesis, the prologue to John’s Gospel, the Jewish & Greek sources for logos, & how early Quakers & modern science use the term.
Natural light is pleasant, soothing, and safe; it makes us feel good. We cherish the creative power of sunlight, its source. [But in Genesis], God declared “Let there be light” before the sun had been created. In Taoist creation, pure light came out of chaos. The solar system and starry heavens are created by Light instead of being the source. Something unified created something non-unified—the multifarious reality in which we live.
II. The Prologue to John’s Gospel—Don Cupitt, tells us to favor whatever symbol unifies our feelings most productively. That is what the symbol of Light did for George Fox, Robert Barclay, William Penn, and other early Friends. The Eastern Orthodox theologian Vladimir Lossky wrote: “This light … can be defined as the visible quality of the divinity, of the energies or grace in which God makes God’s self known …It is immaterial and not apprehended by the senses …” A book on icon painting states: “A positive nothingness appeared in creation, the embryo, the beginning of a thing. Penetrated by light, it begins to assume shape.” Robert Grosseteste wrote: “[Light] has greater similarity than all bodies to the forms that exist apart from matter, namely the intelligences.”
John’s 1st 5 verses are difficult. Light is equivalent to life. Life is equivalent to the Word (logos). Logos is equivalent to God. In Goethe’s Faust, Logos is translated as Word, Sense, Force, & Deed. It was the Jewish philosopher Philo Judaeus who introduced the concept of logos. His purpose was to overcome the disparity between a totally infinite God & a totally finite universe. He declared that God’s infinite will acts through an intermediary, the logos, the creative power that orders the world. Rabbinic Judaism had a secondary influence on [John’s Gospel]. The Wisdom of Solomon says, “For she [Wisdom] is a reflection of eternal light …”
John’s Greek stimulus was Neoplatonism, a Platonic mixture adding elements of Stoicism & also elements of the Corpus Hermeticum. Plotinus emphasizes unity & mind. God is the simple cause of existence that precedes the multiplicity of the created universe. “The One remains absolutely at rest, Intellect springs from it like light from the sun … [We] being soul, can find Intellect and the One within us.” [In the Greek myth of Apollo Pythius] Apollo slays the darkness, and dispenses light in the metaphor of the serpent Python.
Francis MacDonald Cornford writes: The culminating revelation occurs in a sudden blaze of light exempt from change and relativity.” Light is always linked with reason in Neoplatonic and Stoic philosophy. Dionysius the Areopagite declares: “Light comes from the Good, and Light is an image of this archetypal Good … The goodness of the transcendent God … gives Light to everything capable of receiving it; it creates them, keeps them alive, preserves and perfects them … It is the cause of the universe and its end.” From Genesis onward, Light is God’s energy, the force and deed that give form to the formless. [The Quakers’ “true light, which lighteth every man that cometh into the world,” refers to the divine energy that creates multiplicity and dwells therein.
In Attic and New Testament Greek, logos means oral expression, speech, and/or writing. Logos also means the unified cause—reason or mind—out of which these multiplicities of expression flow. Light came to serve as the principal metaphor for the energy of the logos. C. H. Dodd writes: “Logos, though it carries with it the associations of the Old Testament Word of the Lord, has also a meaning [given to it] by Stoicism, Philo, and the Wisdom idea used by other Jewish writers. It is the rational principle in the universe.” In Paradise Lost, John Milton said: “Hail holy Light … Before the sun,/ Before the heavens thou wert, and at the voice/ Of God, as with a mantle didst invest/ The rising world of waters dark and deep, Won from the void and formless infinite.”
III. The Light Within—Contemporary Quakers not only ask that folks in trouble be held in the Light, they also speak about their own Inner Light. [In describing it], some Friends may come close to “the quality of grace by which God makes God’s self known” (Symeon the New Theologian, 10th century). John Punshon writes: “[Light] operates at a personal level to redeem those who turn to it; but it would be a mistake to regard it as a part of human nature … our bit of God. The light [that] is in all is the same light, not sparks from the eternal flame.”
John Milton writes of Light: “Shine inward, and the mind through all her powers/ Irradiate. There plant eyes, all mist from thence/ Purge and disperse, that I may see and tell/ Of things invisible to mortal sight.” Friends, if asked what, precisely, they mean by Inward Light, might say: “The Light Within is the Divine power of creativity and reason that enters me without fragmenting its Oneness, enabling me to know and overcome my inadequacies, and to appreciate [the creation of Light and Word], the true Light that enlightens every person.” Henry Vaughn compares Light with shadow: “I saw Eternity the other night/ Like a great Ring of pure and endless light,/ All calm, as it was bright,/ And round beneath it, Time in hours, days, years/ Driven by the spheres/ Like a vast shadow moved, in which the world/ And all her train were hurled.”
IV. Light and the Founders of Quakerism—The founders of Quakerism were familiar with the long history of religious thought summarized above. [Besides the connection with creation, Fox insists that the] Light “is that Creative Power that draws all things upward into nobler states of being. It is also warm, living, and personal, forever pleading with us to give up our selfish doing and desiring, and to follow its Divine Leading.” The characteristics of light include: divinity; purity; resistible; ineffable.
Isaac Penington adds to this discussion: “The particular waiting upon God in his Holy Spirit, light and power … will discover what is disorderly, and unruly, and not of God in the particular, and lay a yoke upon it … The glory increaseth daily more and more, by the daily sight and feeling of the living virtue and power in Christ the Light, whereby the soul is continually transformed and changed … into the incorruptible … The spirit breathes infallibly, begets infallibly, leads infallibly, creates a new heart, a right spirit; which heart, which spirit, is of God’s infallible nature, like him, for that which is born of the spirit is spirit.”
William Penn writes: “For of light came sight, and of sight came sense and sorrow, and of sense and sorrow came amendment of life.” Margaret Fell writes: “The Eternal will deal plainly with you; it will rip you up, and lay you open … naked and bare before the Lord God, from whom you cannot hide yourself. Therefore give over the deceiving of your Souls.” [More recently] Rex Ambler writes: “It began to be clear to me that the light for them could be harsh, because it showed them everything, warts and all. In particular it highlighted their self-centeredness … No wonder they were distressed and ‘ripped up’ before they came to an experience of peace.”
Today, “convinced Friends” means “persuaded to join a Quaker meeting.” The older meaning of “convincement” is to expose & reprehend fault, to prove wrong, to convict. Light as “an invisible principle” emphasizes the eternal Christ [and is from the Greek influence\; light as pointing believers to their Savior and giving them “power over all sin and temptation” emphasizes the incarnated Christ of history and [is from the Jewish influence]. We Quakers must conclude that perhaps the contradictory Hellenic and Hebraic backgrounds to theological Light are both necessary. Friends are generally able to practice the dual modes without difficulty. Protestants did not claim to have the power to walk in newness of life as a holy and sanctified people in the present world, but relied on the final judgment of Christ over the world. Howard Brinton writes: “Inward Light … is also the Inward Life. Our present challenge is to save as much life as possible: not only our own lives, but life in all its forms.”
V. Scientific Light—[Even though] we must not confuse the theological Light with natural light, how can we subtract the sun, moon, and stars? [The science of natural light has to do with wavelengths, light-scattering molecules and the mind’s interpretation of light hitting the retina]. We might understand natural light, too, as a metaphor. It may be just as mysterious as Quaker Light. Bas C. van Fraasen notes: “The problem of understanding light keeps recurring, each time in its appropriate new dress … Light is always the problem child of science … it is always escaping the conceptual box we try to put it in.”
In the early modern period, from roughly the 16th century onward, a materialistic view tended to prevail. Michael Faraday in 1846 argued that light isn’t a vibration of ether, & must consist not of substance, but of force. Clerk Maxwell labeled light as an electromagnetic disturbance in 1864. Plank proposed that atoms exchange energy in “quantums” in 1900. In 1905 Einstein predicted a fusion of the wave and quantum theories.
Arthur Zajonc declares: “If one conceives of the universe as matter or its movement, light is the exception that shatters that prejudice. The nature of light cannot be reduced to matter or its motion; it is its own thing … Are we led full circle back to light eternal and omnipresent, outside of space and time? … By now it should be evident that light possesses a nature unique to itself. Every natural assumption we make about it … leads to errors … Seeing light is a metaphor for seeing the invisible in the visible, for detecting the imaginal garment that holds our planet and all existence together.”
Let us appreciate the non-fragmented power of divine rationality implanted in us as the Light Within: that mysterious energy knitting the natural world’s myriad fragmentations into a harmony that despite every impediment, we sometimes feel in Quaker worship when we go inside to greet the Light. [And let us end with Dante’s description of] the Light that he is now vouchsafed to see: “O grace abounding and allowing me to dare/ To fix my gaze on the Eternal light,/ So deep my vision was consumed in it./ I saw how it contains within its depths./ All things bound in a single book by love/ Of which creation is the scattered leaves:/ How substance, accident, and their relation/ Were fused in such a way that what I now/ Describe is but a glimmer of that Light./
I know I saw the universal form,/ The fusion of all things, for I can feel,/ While speaking now, my heart leap up in joy.”
385. In God we Die (by Warren Ostrom; 2006)
About the Author—Warren Ostrom is a member of University Meeting in Seattle , Washington Seattle
Introduction—Quakers have a long history of care for people at all stages of life: from birth through childhood, adulthood, raising families & old age. Those who have come before us have delivered God’s love in many ways. Quakers have been among the pioneers in creating choices in high quality, on-going care for people in later life [to humanize & personalize] care in nursing homes, & to assure the residents’ rights & dignity. Many times what is required of us is clear. Sometimes it isn’t. We haven’t found unity on assisted suicide. I believe that God appoints an hour for each death. I believe that there is time simply to trust what God is doing. I have worked more than 20 years as a geriatric social worker. Many people have told me that they’ve lived too long.
I see death in my garden. Some of the plants live a very long time, some only a few weeks; [likewise the animals]. They need to die, to feed other plants and animals, including my family, and to free light air, water and minerals for the next generation. This essay looks at some of the issues involved in prolonging life. It also offers a discernment process for those among us who face life-shortening conditions and who want to know what God wills for them. “God” is the name that for me includes all the different terms Friends use for the ultimate source. While logic and formal learning help, what we really know of life, of death, and of God has to begin with our own experience and end with whatever sense we make of our experiences.
3 True Stories/ More True Stories—God wanted to bring 3 good and faithful servants home, but they struggled against it. A man could have died from a carotid aneurysm, but was saved to later develop Alzheimer’s and severe behavioral problems. A widow with a disabled daughter she hoped would be cared for by the widow’s estate, instead suffered a massive stroke; she “survived” in a vegetative state until her resources were gone. A former history teacher had surgery on what turned out to be a non-cancerous spot on her lung; the surgery caused new problems. When she developed breathing problems, she accepted God’s generous offer, and let her life end.
[There are numerous stories of people wishing they had died; people not wishing to live another 10 years; people wishing they’d died in surgery; people questioning the morality of spending $100,000’s on operations that could have saved 1,000’s of children; people grateful that someone died quickly and did not suffer].
Here’s some of what I’ve learned from dying people and people making decisions for dying family members. In the midst [of dying or someone close dying], most of us can’t think clearly about all the consequences of our actions, even when we think we are clear. Some medical professionals can’t or don’t tell us what we need to know, [for lack of knowledge, personal reasons, or the best of intentions]. Our choices affect people in ways we don’t know. The spiritual dimensions of our decisions can be especially hard to sort out. We need to do a lot of our reflection ahead of time about our values and about how we want our lives finally to end. It is a great relief to have help figuring out what we should do.
To Love & Treasure the Old, the Sick, & the Disabled—It is right to love and respect the old, the sick, and the disabled. They are part of who we are, and we are all part of the human condition together. Actually every one of is both able and partially disabled in some way or other; “them” and “us” is an illusion. The “disabled” have been forced to focus on what really matters, and as a result sometimes live closer to the Spirit than others.
[On different Sundays I spoke of the beauty of autumn leaves dying, & compared it to older people dying. I spoke of oft-mended articles being beyond repair & how we can be cracked or chipped, even patched together, & still contain God’s treasure and do God’s work]. I was demonstrating against invading Iraq
The Costs of Postponing Death—[There are costs and consequences for postponing death]. To pay for transplants, Medicare and Medicaid, and private insurance spending go up. Rates go up and people lose Medicaid and private medical insurance. Children didn’t necessarily get the cheap and effective vaccinations that they otherwise would have. In the end, funding transplants led to worse health in the general population.
All that we can control with confidence is how we spend our personal money. Sometimes voters do decide [directly] how public money will be spent, like funding for emergency services. There are people who are grateful & who continue to be a gift to all who know them [because of emergency services] & people who have cursed it for postponing death. For them there was the added cost of pain and misery; saving life can be a boon or a curse.
I can choose to spend my own money on my own health, or wherever in the world it could be used for others’ health. The money I can choose not to spend on myself could make a difference. Knowing the right course isn’t easy. I can’t easily say that there should be no more organ transplants or expensive lifesaving medications. [I can only make my own health-spending decisions].
Health Insurance—Trying to guarantee the security that health insurance offers costs us our freedom, [by staying in a job] “because of the benefits.” Where we spend our time & our money is where we will come to center our lives. Should my treasure & my heart be in health insurance? In spiritual terms medical benefits can become idols. I believe that God wills every human birth, truly loves us, & decides the hour of every death. So there is no need to fight to insure myself against what God has in mind. If I broke a leg, I’d pay to get it set, but I’m not going to break enough legs in a year to justify thousands of dollars in insurance. Decades of experience have taught me to trust the Spirit; the Spirit doesn’t let me down. The Guide comes to each of us separately; maybe the person next to me is called to be insured. We once expected that we would die, but weren’t especially afraid of the time before death. Now we have every expectation of long life & often we are afraid of that.
Care-giving & Ethical Uneasiness/ Long Lives and Short—There is a new fear for baby-boomers that there won’t be enough younger people to care for us. It feels wrong that well-to-do, mostly white North Ameri cans should take long life & care availability as a right. John Woolman’s “seeds of war” would now include the services we pay other people to perform for us, when those services are beyond our real needs. I wrote: [Our lifestyle is] dependent on exploiting people … A greatly extended life … is not what we really want on a deep level.”
Median age of death was 40 in 1800, 50 in 1900, and is nearly 80 now. Do we need more years to live full lives, and to carry out God’s intentions for our lives, than all those who came before us? A full life can have any length. The joy that a 15-year-old boy had brought his family and our meeting was boundless. My only explanation was that he had finished what the Spirit set for his life’s purpose; the love he brought into the world and shared was his life’s work. Another dear, departed Friend was deep into a ministry with homeless, clerk of Peace and Social Concerns and married only a year. He, too, I think, was done; he had helped love grow.
Even though we don’t always know what care to accept, what risks to take, and the right time for our deaths, God does; we can trust God. If we faithfully look to the Spirit for guidance and find it, we can be sure that the Spirit knows us and will guide us [near death], as before. Until the very recent past, people believed that they lived until it was their time to die. It was said that God “called them home” when their time had come.
[When someone in their 70’s dies of an accident], it is a terrible blow. But it may also be a grace, saving someone from years of painful and unenlightening decline. [Some will adopt unhealthy eating habits in order to encourage a heart attack and avoid a worse alternative]. For me, after much thought, prayer, and seeking in worship, the path is clear. I have decided that I will have no medical care after my children are grown, except for non-life-extending measures to ease pain. When my time comes, my time will come. For most of us, a time will come when we need to make a decision. Do I fight, or do I accept my death this time?
How Do We Know What God Wants For Us?—Throughout our lives, we search for God’s will about major decisions. Each of them is important; each should add to our training in discernment, & build on growing trust in ourselves, & in God. If we follow the discipline of regularly turning to the Spirit in silent worship, usually we can depend on getting assurance about what we should do. The timing of the Spirit’s guidance isn’t ours to dictate.
Sometimes neither personal worship, nor deep conversation, nor writing gives us the sureness we seek. [Then may be the time for a clearness committee]. I offer a slightly modified process, where individuals gather together with a person to pose searching questions. First, crystallize the question you’d like answered; write it out [e.g. Should I accept my daughter’s offer & move in with her? Should I have surgery to have this new tumor removed?]. Then choose a facilitator for your committee. He or she should be deeply grounded in the Spirit & experienced in discernment, preferably not someone extremely close to you. For the remainder of your committee, select several trusted family members and/or friends, [ones who will speak to you in complete honesty].
Give the committee the question well before the scheduled meeting. Enter into silent worship together; [introduce the process if necessary]. Once the silence has deepened, it will be your turn to speak. State your question. [Seek out] what gifts you have brought to the world; whether you have unfinished work, or if you are free to go; what your life or your death would mean to those around you; what they sense is God’s calling for you now.
Ask each person to engage all of her or his life experience, wisdom, and love. Ask them to search within and when the time feels right, to speak to you. Asking you an open question can be powerful in helping you to explore your thoughts. Explain that after each speaker, the group will return to silence until the next person speaks. [These individuals] may be speaking to you with a new depth and love; they will be speaking for the Spirit. Listen to the silence between messages, and the understanding that God will be building within you.
When all have spoken and returned to silence, have someone articulate the guidance which has been given to the group, or do it yourself. You [will] still have questions. You may need to gather again, more than once. You may choose to share what you have learned about your calling and about God. [See Appendix about assuring that your wishes are carried out]. Even after several meetings, you may not be clear about what you should do. Sometimes God just doesn’t give us the answers when we think we need them.
When the Soul Leaves—The clearness process assumes that we can see death coming & make a sensitive decision about how we will meet it. Sometimes death creeps up on us, & we’re not even sure its there. Death is usually obvious. The heart & brain stop. Sometimes, it’s not so clear. The body keeps going while the brain stops, or memory, judgment, and even self-awareness disappears. Throughout [my years of working with the elderly], I intended to write a book about the souls of people whose minds are melting away. How do we know when the soul is still there, and how can we tell when it’s gone? I can’t write that book, because I don’t know the answers. [Even those who seem irretrievably gone can show rare, sporadic signs of still “being there.”] Maybe if a group were to gather in worship [around a bed], we could sense whether there was a soul joining us from the bed. At the very least, being there in worship as the body dies can serve as a celebration of the life that was.
Going Home—What is it to die? Living in Christ and in joy, nothing really changes later, when our bodies die. We continue to be at home in Christ. In one Christian view, all men and women are brought home again by Jesus, if they only accept and acknowledge Jesus as savior. These Christian look forward to a further homecoming either at death or in the End Times of Revelation. Many Buddhists believe that death is generally followed by rebirth as a human or in some other form. Whether we realize it or not, we are always at home, at one with all that is. Enlightenment is profound realization of that unity.
Some have told me privately that while they tell people that they believe in life after death, they don’t really. Some people say solemnly that death is the end. Period. Some believe in living on in their families, or community, or nations, or the living substance of the earth. Taking his place in the circle of life would have been my father’s kind of going home.
What I Don’t Know and Do Know and Believe about Death—A careful reader will have noticed by now that some my ideas don’t seem to line up. Is God all-powerful, or can we thwart God’s will with our own decisions? [Some believe] that the hour of a person’s death can be known to God when that person is born even though, at every step through life, the person’s free will determines their next step. God may know that I will take one path, yet wish that I would choose the other. Sometimes God does not let us know what we should do, when we want to know it. Contradiction flows through all of our speculations about God.
It may be that paradox is ultimately part of the divine. I know that a Presence enters meetings for worship, & unexpectedly, at other times, my life. [Then] there is a peace, a sense of wholeness, a sureness of being loved. In meetings gathered in this Presence, I have felt with us people long dead. Was it just that all the pathways of memory were relaxed, & I remembered what these personalities felt like in a room with us? I can’t prove [it to be memory or present reality]. It feels as though the deceased have rejoined the Source. And that’s what I believe.
I believe that in death we will learn the paradoxical truth: that we all are one. We have our whole existence in God. We are a part of each other, & every rock, plant, swimming, crawling, flying thing. When my neighbor dies, I die with him. When I die, God calls me home; you will go home with me. We will die & live in each other & in everything. Acts 17:28 tells us: “In God we live & move, in God we exist.” In God, too we die.
Appendix: Forms and Procedures—When you’ve decided about your own end of life, let your family, lawyer, and especially your doctors and caregivers know; put it in writing. There is a living will, which has the most limited use. It can tell your medical team not to extend your life if you enter a persistent vegetative state with no chance of recovery. There are advance directives to physicians. They can specify resuscitation and IV feeding or not. Physician’s Order for Life Sustaining Treatment (POLST). [It gives detailed instructions about your medical treatment]. A completed POLST form is actually a medical order. A medical power-of-attorney gives another person the authority to make medical decisions on you behalf if you become unable to make your own. Otherwise the doctors will turn to family or decide by default to use every means possible to extend life.
Your treatment and eventual passing are bound to be calmer, and your family’s future more harmonious, if you make your decisions ahead of time. Give the original power-of-attorney to the person whom you name on it. Schedule a time when you can give the paperwork to each person who will make decisions as your representative or caregiver, and discuss it thoroughly. You may find that a doctor or facility refuses to carry out your wishes; you may need to find another. Tell your power-of-attorney as much as you can now, so they won’t have to guess. Discuss your wishes with every involved at least once a year.
“Do not resuscitate” forms should be posted on your refrigerator door, where emergency technicians will check. Ask at your doctor’s office or senior center where these various forms can be found. It is best to work with an attorney on the advance directives and power-of-attorney. Even with your advanced directive and iron determination to honor your instructions, they may not succeed in stopping treatment. When you are clear about your wishes, do your best to prepare the groundwork for them to be honored.
386. The Mindful Quaker (by Valerie Brown; 2006)
About the Author—Valerie Brown is a member of Solebury Monthly Meeting (PA), and an ordained layperson of the Tiep Hien Order established by Zen Master Thich Nhat Hanh. She is certified in holistic spirituality, Kundalini yoga and meditation teacher. She leads retreats, including a Pendle Hill New Year’s retreat.
The lamps are different but the light is the same; it comes from Beyond.” Jalauddin Rumi
Religious Pluralism the Light of World Faiths--This essay focuses on Quakerism and Buddhism. As a member of [both], I understand the harmony and tension between these faith traditions. My decision to become a Quaker and a Buddhist is the natural result of coming into close contact as a witness and dialogue partner with various cultural traditions. My goal was mutual understanding and the recognition of shared values. Traveling challenged me to look deeply at myself, at my patterns of behavior, and prejudices. [I looked] at the universal truth of all people.
David Steindl-Rast writes: “The heart of religion is the religion of the heart.” “Heart” represents the central kernel of our being, the meeting place where we are one. I have savored this oneness around the world. The experience of meeting Muslim, Hindu, Sikh, & Buddhist has expanded my consciousness & appreciation for my own chosen beliefs, & made my decision to stay in my faith a true, conscious, & informed choice. Denise Lardner Carmody & John Tully Carmody note: “Those who sit in yoga or sacrifice a kola nut or experience the sweat lodge pass over a border & no longer feel complete outsiders.” My childhood God of has given way to my womanhood God, a God of many names. This is the God who is present in the tiniest acorn & the vastest ocean.
Quakers Discover Buddhism
Living in our heads we become estranged from our bodies, thinking of them as material things that exist for our use and enjoyment. Our minds try to control the world … This modern mind of ours does not like to be quiet and still. When emptiness threatens it seeks to protect itself with images, words and sounds. Rex Ambler
This essay addresses the search among many Quakers to enhance their direct, unmediated relationships with the Light through Buddhist practices. Buddhism stresses self-exploration’s value & testing these teachings’ parameters by one’s own life experience. [For Quakers the] mind tends to get in the way of coming closer to the Light with ourselves & others. Buddhism meditation & the practice of mindfulness increases focused concentration & awareness to ordinary everyday activities; it develops moment-to-moment awareness, & being rather than doing. In Buddhist meditation we are continually balancing our energies on a deep level. Holding divergent feelings and sensations in awareness clarifies our discernment process.
Some Quakers have been greatly influenced by Buddhist books & magazines. Others may join a sangha (Buddhist community). This essay is an exploration in finding the Light of God in each of us, the Divine, the Buddha-nature, & how Quakers can learn from Buddhist traditions. At 1st glance, it may appear that Buddhism & Quakerism have little in common. [However], the Buddhist practice of metta or loving-kindness meditation touches very closely on ideas of Christian prayer, in which we cultivate receptivity and capacity for forgiveness and [compassion]. [Quaker-Buddhist cooperation] blossomed into an ongoing relationship between activist Friends and Buddhist monks and nuns. Quaker-Buddhist meditation courses are periodically offered at Friends events.
The practice of meditation harmonizes too with Quaker silent meeting for worship. The Quaker peace testimony, grounded partly in the conviction that there is that of God in each person, roughly equates with the Buddha’s teaching on love. Living this principle daily in the face of everyday choices and challenges invites us to become a living witness to peace in our relationships with others. Buddhists and Quakers share a familiarity with the depths of silence and stillness. Buddhist meditation stills the body and mind, and centers it in the present. Accepting impermanence of all things helps us to see the deep benefit of change.
[Central to Buddhism] are the 4 Noble Truths [suffering, craving and desire, cessation of craving and desire, 8-fold Path] which form the basis of Buddhist wisdom, morality, and mental discipline. The Noble 8-fold Path consists of: Wisdom (with its Right View and Right Thoughts; Morality (with its Right Speech, Right Action, and Right Livelihood); Mental Discipline (with its Right Effort, Right Mindfulness, Right Meditation/Concentration). “Right” [is used to meant] “appropriate.” Quakers can learn from the Buddhist practice of Right Speech in discovering the call to vocal ministry at meeting for worship. The foundation of Right Speech is listening deeply to others, striving to be fully present without solving or judgment. The quality of listening, openness, and presence is central to the basic tenets of Buddhist teaching on Right Speech and to the Quaker tradition of vocal ministry.
Meditation and Mindfulness: The Inner Light of Spiritual Practice—In meeting for worship we are focused on God or open and listening for God’s presence. In meditation, we train the mind to aim and sustain focus and attention on the breath to develop awareness. [We may start with good intentions], but the forward momentum of our daily, fast-paced lives soon overtakes our best intentions. We may wish to begin with 5 or 10 minutes; the amount of time is less important than the intention and motivation.
Transforming these habits takes practice. [In a beginner’s mindset of receptivity, we can accept the full range of sensations, emotions, and thoughts without becoming entangled by them. We begin by sitting with a relaxed and comfortably straight spine. Eyes closed, especially for beginners, may be preferable to build concentration; meditation can be done while walking. With each step, we notice breath thought and sensation. In eating meditation, we focus on the full range of the sensation of eating: smells, tastes, and textures. We see the interconnection between ourselves, the food we eat and the entire universe.
Breath and Concentration—We bring our awareness to [each part of] the body. [After several breaths] we notice that our mind has wandered. As we begin, the common experience is that our minds are scattered, divided in attention. The goal of meditation is not to stop thinking, to tame the mind, but to build awareness and concentration. We notice thoughts and distractions without becoming entangled in them. We create a spacious, inquiring mind, and an ability to observe with a quality of acceptance and natural curiosity. We objectify thoughts or emotions without getting trapped by them. This noticing of the breath or of the emotion applies a seeker’s inquiring mind to ascertain the “truth.” [In concentrating] on the breath, we develop focus and awareness.
Intention and motivation are key; intention directs energy; [the right] motivation [of love] is essential. Meditation is a tool for testing whether we are balanced. The potential for change and disappointment is always present. Buddhism brings insight to what can be an unconscious cycle and struggle of loss and gain. [Eventually] our thoughts and perceptions are tested from a place of reflection, not reaction and impulse, allowing us to make choices from a foundation of clarity and wisdom.
The Nature of Thoughts/ Mindfulness—The Inner Light within us is often covered by a veil of mental activity. Removing this veil is the practice of meditation. The mind runs [again and again]. We bring it back [again and again]. Meditation moves us toward equanimity or balance. We are alert, aware, engaged, yet we are calm and peaceful; [we are present]. The fruit of meditation practice is greater concentration, leading to integration and wholeness. In the face of pleasure and pain, gain and loss, praise and blame, fame and disrepute, we are balanced, knowing that change is the nature of life. Meditation teaches the way to live an awakened life.
Mindfulness is careful attention to ordinary life activity. We move beyond thinking to knowing & feeling. Mindfulness is patience. With acceptance of what is, we free ourselves from conditioned habits of heart & mind that rob us of intimacy with ourselves, others & surroundings. According to Buddhist teachings, we are always giving our attention to something or someone. Mindlessness is preoccupation with plans or memories, rushing thru daily activities, breaking things, forgetting. Mindfulness is intentional. It is continuity of mindfulness that is rare.
The 1st establishment of mindfulness is awareness of the body. We recognize each body part. [We see all the relationships of all the natural elements with our body]. In addition to being aware of our body, we may also be aware of feelings—pleasant, unpleasant, & neutral. Our mental posture is open & spacious. Bringing mindfulness to our everyday lives takes practice. I like to practice mindfulness particularly when making and drinking tea.
Chado, the Way of Tea, & Mindfulness—The practice of drinking powdered green tea was brought to Japan China
Tea preparation is an invitation to spacious awareness. [In the] tea room, a tone is set to receive profound serenity & peace in the central craft of making green tea. Attending to every detail with slow attentive movements, we open the door of the mundane & step into the sacred. [As in worship where we wait for the call of God’s touch], in tea preparation, we await the presence of our guests with openhearted joy. We can take comfort in holding a cup of green tea between our 2 hands & knowing that in it the whole universe is present. The essence of the tea ceremony is simplicity; it is acknowledging all that has made the tea gathering possible. The heart of the tea ceremony is silence & spaciousness, much like that of a Quaker meeting. Paying exquisite attention to each detail speaks of caring, nurturing , reverence, & integrity of heart. It is a path to inner peace & humility.
Shared Practices: Silence/ Stillness/ Meditation and Transformation
Our task is to listen to the news that is always arriving, out of silence Rainer Maria Rilke
Meditation comes alive in silence. In silence, we turn inward, allowing the silence to be healing and purifying. Silence encourages us to establish a relationship with ourselves 1st. Words and thoughts often block the doorway to the soul. When we sit in meditation, our experience flows from attention to inattention, from remembrance to forgetfulness. In both Quaker silent worship and in meditation, we can benefit by preparation. As we prepare to enter silence, we gather our broken pieces of concentration. We may focus on breathing, a heart of deep gratitude, or take a walk or inspiring passage in before worship. Leonard S. Kenworthy says: “Meeting for Worship is the culmination of the past few days as well as the introduction to the days ahead.” The simplicity of Quaker meeting houses and worship can stand in sharp contrast to the clutter in our minds.
John Punshon writes: “Silence is defined from outside, stillness from within.” With stillness we faithfully wait in community, and in patience, directing ourselves to God. Simply being, reflecting on the place of God in our lives, is a discipline. Quakers can learn from Buddhist meditation that encourages stillness of both the body and mind. Ultimately, stillness, like much else in life, requires practice and patience. Sustained practice can support our Quaker silent worship, bringing the flow of awareness to this sacred time.
In Buddhism, silent meditation is prerequisite to true knowledge and understanding. In a place of honest introspection, we see the true state of the human condition. The dharma, as taught by the Buddha is a path that leads to the cessation of suffering through our efforts to understand the truth about the human condition; we are released from clinging and attachment, suffering and disappointment.
Remaining open to stumbling blocks, contradictions, imperfections, longings, disappointments, and unfinished business is the heart of mindfulness meditation and of the Buddha’s teachings. [With focused concentration], we liberate the mind and ourselves from the karmic weight that keeps us trapped in a reactive, impulsive cycle. Mindfulness and meditations teach us how to listen—with our entire selves—in an open, expectant, non-judgmental, receptive way. In this tender openness, we are poised to listen to what really matters, to put aside the petty chatter moment in a discipline of reflection.
Prayer and Dharma Contemplation
Prayer is the mortar that holds our house together. Teresa of Avila
For Friends, the act of prayer is about opening ourselves to God to the Inner Light within each of us. In the silence of meeting for worship, our prayer deepens through the gift of communal worship. Through this common experience, we strengthen the bonds we share as Friends and our bonds of sharing in the human condition. Prayer is dynamic, responsive, inclusive, and portable; prayer links us to a self that is transformed. Our prayerful heart grows out of the completeness of the moment, honoring the ordinary for its shadow and light. When we stop, slow down, and allow ourselves to be touched by the everyday miracles of life, we become prayerful, and closer to God. Ultimately, our hearts directs us to what we need, which leads to faith and trust in ourselves and our capacity for transformation. Susan West Kurtz writes: Becoming whole is learning to embrace those parts of us that have been rejected or denied and bringing them back into a state of love, compassion, and acceptance.”
Dharma contemplation is a new Buddhist practice akin to the Christian form of contemplation and prayer, lectio divina. In dharma contemplation we focus intently on a word phrase, or narrative. The practice begins with a short period of silent meditation, preparing ourselves to receive the wisdom of these teachings and to calm the body and the mind. We share a single word or phrase from the text and then listen deeply as others follow, noticing what we may have overlooked. Then we practice contemplation. We notice emotions that have that have been aroused and our body’s reactions, focusing on the direct experience of feelings and sensations. We share our observations on a personal, not theoretical, level. In silent meditation, we rest directly with the experience, recalling words or moments, then releasing and letting them be.
Buddhist practices can transform and enliven Quaker spirituality. These point the way from suffering to liberation. Buddhist teachings can help Quakers discover the richness of our own faith tradition. As Quakers [practicing Buddhism], we recognize that we are never far from our Buddha nature, our enlightened self. We need not practice perfectly or wait for the "right" moment. Begin where you are, knowing that you are perfect just as you are. Welcome your Buddha-hood Be in the Light.
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387. Turnaround: Growing a 21st Century Religious Society of Friends (by
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Benjamin Lloyd; 2006)
About the Author—Benjamin Lloyd is an actor & teacher based in Philadelphia. He teaches acting, & acts as member of the Artistic Company at People’s Light & Theater in Malvern, PA. He wrote The Actor’s Way: A Journey of Self-Discovery in Letters. He is a member Haverford MM of the Religious Society of Friends.
[Introduction]/ Promote Quaker Identity—I had a vision of a colorful poster across the side of a city bus of an attractive-yet-funky couple [with the caption] “Your Friendly Neighborhood Quakers. Come worship with them … www.quaker. Org.” [I imagined similar bus posters. Not one of them] features a stout, older man wearing a Puritan black hat over white curls. For some of us, advertising Quakerism seems like [a loud interruption] in meeting for worship. The vestiges of 19th century quietism still cling to us 200 years later. [2 concerns are here]: shrinking numbers & reversing the trend; most new Friends [will join as] convinced adult Friends attracted by what Quakers have to offer. I offer some strategies for nurturing a robust & growing Society of Friends in the 21st century. Let us engage with the world more, & become the beacons we are called to be.
I do not proselytize and neither do any of the Friends I worship with, but that is not the same as announcing our presence, a concept I feel we need to become more comfortable with if we are to grow in the 21st century. How will we draw others if they don’t know where we are? We need to move Quakerism into public consciousness through innovative marketing & public relations. About 2 years ago, I created t-shirts & buttons to identify the wearer as a Quaker. The t-shirts say: “Peaceful/Truthful/Simple” on the front & “Quaker” on back. [I was not comfortable wearing them at first. I worried about the lack of response. I did have a few brief encounters and conversations inspired by them].
I am alarmed by the dwindling numbers of unprogrammed Friends in North America; NY and Philadelphia had losses greater than 20%. I challenge every Quaker who is reading these words to find fun and creative ways to mention their religious affiliation occasionally. As you let your life speak, you are our Society’s greatest advertisement. [With Quakers], God is involved in discerning the sense of a meeting but not necessarily in reaching consensus. Fearing that we will sound like evangelicals and fundamentalists is a sure sign that the fundamentalists have successfully co-opted language which is rightfully ours as well. When I explained to non-Quakers what “sense of the meeting” was during a conflict, the debate moved into a more meaningful realm.
There is a rightful authenticity in such language, and when it comes from the heart it is felt as true by those who hear it. Good ministry is felt, and we must not confine it to the meeting house during our meetings for worship. I have been gently eldered using “thee,” and it provided a useful distancing function for the delivery of a difficult communication. I am calling for an ongoing public celebration, not only of who we are as Quakers, but that we are Quakers. Many Friends feel bitter, defeated, disillusioned. The world is not hospitable to Quakers.
But it never has been. What can your meeting do for the world? What housing can you provide for recovery groups, civic meetings, or parent gatherings? I believe it is important that we Quaker parents raise Quaker children. We should not be shy about articulating to those children about what Quakerism means. My son sees and feels God everywhere. He came into the world ready to live with God (whom he calls “She”). I want Griffen and Ella to be Quakers into adulthood, both for what I believe it will bring to them and for what they will bring to the Religious Society of Friends.
Promote Membership—Patricia Loring writes: “In this era of rampant individualism, there are many people who feel either that there is no need for formal membership or that membership involves too much membership sacrifice of personal autonomy. We must respect declarations of independence, praying that the quality of our own lives in community may open others to transformation.” I have recently discerned that what some people call freedom is a kind of vain isolation. We are meant to be deeply knit into the fabric of each other’s lives. A willingness to work through conflict, to meet challenges and problems with good will, emotional honesty, and demonstrations of love and care for each other, are features true communities share.
[Newly-joined Friends express disappointment about the process when it seems to lack substance & meaning. The clearness sessions in which readiness to join is recognized should be wonderfully rich & deeply felt spiritual experiences. From the 1st, Quakers have been invested in big feelings. For me, it has always been in the presence of the big feelings that God has felt closest. In the face of the big feeling you will know what to do if you listen for God. These are the occasions when we must trust both God & our Quaker traditions to show us the way. Why are attenders not members of the meetings where they worship? Have they considered the consequences to your community of not joining? [What] fears have been invented which keep them from joining?
Some say that an active attender is the same as a member, but a Quaker [belongs] to a Friendly, has made an official commitment to that meeting. I propose that we begin to nurture a relationship to membership that is special. [How it is special], is up to each meeting to explore. A Quaker is a person who has committed themself to a radical way of behaving in the world. A Quaker is a person who lives in a constant conversation with God. What are the meeting’s requirements for membership? What must the meeting know about a person before we know that we are clear to ask him or her to join officially in membership?
Unprogrammed Friends today seem very wary of standards and the debilitating hierarchies they occasionally give rise to. Patricia Loring writes: “The consequences of having no standard [for membership] is that the meeting conforms to the vision of the people who have been admitted, [rather than transforming new members into Quakers]. I reflected on how fragile our Quaker process is, how vulnerable to abuse by those with personality disorders, how easily hijacked by individuals with ulterior motives.
We stand for our testimonies. Certainly we should be clear that those who wish to join us will stand for them. Who wants to become part of a group that does not clearly articulate and celebrate the qualities that make it unique? How often does you meeting community do things together just to have fun? I am talking about pure fun, not incidental fun. These kinds of gatherings should be thrown open to attenders sitting on the fence. One of my meeting’s most successful innovations recently has been an annual arts festival. We use this gathering as a form of community outreach, inviting friends and neighbors to join in the fun. If we make membership something special, creative, enjoyable, we might develop ways to make Friends meetings more attractive to the middle-aged folk who may be heading towards convincement.
Promote Pastoral Care—Contributing to the tendency for pseudocommunity may be the lack of focused pastoral care in our meetings. Pastoral care is the glue of interpersonal spiritual connection. I think our wariness of being “intrusive” is problematic. In a nurturing and attentive meeting community, we experience the work of communal love in our lives directly. How is a nurturing and attentive meeting community accomplished?
Good pastoral care requires focus on an individual or small group within the meeting. I have felt deeply changed by the gathered love of my meeting when 5 Friends sat with me in clearness committee worship. They often presented me with queries about my life, or reflecting back to me something of interest to them, but never trying to “fix” the problem. They have become my ministers, my counselors, my elders. Perhaps our committees on care & counsel could provide workshops on these “meetings for counsel.” Early Friends lived in a kind of on-going meeting for counsel with each other. More meetings for counsel might be a way to make more room for the Spirit in our Quaker communities.
[On a more personal note, a Friend who felt blessed by my vocal ministry wrote a letter to my children, expressing the hope that I would write the words down, and share them with my children] “that someday you [children] will know that what God has spoke was truth.” With these words, my friend confirmed her place as my elder, nurturing my ministry with words of affirmation and encouragement. [Griffen and I spoke about my ministry, and] there was instruction; I was not the Instructor. It was God, [working through people].
Another way to enhance our pastoral care is to elder each other lovingly. It is vitally important that we retain the ability to advise each other with love & purpose. I believe that we are called to these awkward yet spiritually binding encounters. [Not all elders are old]. Eldering is best accomplished after the “elder” has sought counsel. Patricia Loring writes: “Eldering is a kind of spiritual parenting that is reflected in the current term ‘spiritual nurture.’ Like a loving parent, the elder works from her or his own experience of being loved.” It takes a Quaker meeting to raise a Quaker child. [Perhaps] my meeting could evolve into some kind of childcare collective in the future. There might be a small Quaker “village” ready to help raise the children as their parents negotiate the realities of 21st century living. Developing our meetings in such ways could be a powerful form of outreach.
Promote Quaker Leadership—Griffen has been a part of this essay because he is my son and I adore him and our relationship contains God. Also I wish to represent a potential future Quaker leader. To get to the Religious Society of Friends of the 21st century, we need to turn our attention away from the past and focus on our youth. Leadership within my Quaker community has become a suspect idea. Some of us have equated leadership with oppression, as if the one who stands and says, “Follow me!” must have dark designs and malevolent intent. I have witnessed meeting communities brought into states of disorder by a blanket mistrust of the simple act of making a decision. The original idea is lost in a sea of paranoia and micromanagement.
1 cause of such disorder is the reluctance of clerks to be leaders. Arthur Larrabee points out: “Leadership from the clerk encourages corporate discipline that makes it easier for the meeting to sense & respond to Spirit. Absent the clerk’s leadership, the domination of some, inefficiency & exhaustion may take over.” The clerk is called upon to bring order & direction to the slow, deliberate discernment of corporate will in Quaker business meetings.
A clerk is a role model & should live demonstrably in our Society’s testimonies & be knowledgeable about its practices. Meeting members should be able to trust the clerk to speak truthfully as a witness to our testimonies.
Patricia Loring writes: “We often move appointments discerned by the community in order to answer & develop the spiritual gifts and callings of individuals, to a process of self-selection by inclination rather than discernment.”
Absent a solid nominating committee, leadership roles may be left to those with the most dominating personalities or the most charm. [As Quakers], all of us, but our clerks especially, should lead by loving examples. Leadership is certainly a gift to be noticed and nourished in our meetings. [If there is a “hyper-egalitarianism” in our meetings], we have sacrificed the safety of our communities for the right of individuals to behave in harmful ways. Let us [instead] ask those with gifts of leadership, to be our clerks.
The most important issue is who will lead us in the future. The older generation which guided our Society through the 20th century is diminishing. We must be more present in the world so the world can find us and so new members will worship with us and support us. The key to this transition is the nurture of young Quaker leaders. Our survival depends upon handing the “keys to the kingdom” over to young Friends. We who are older must not presume to know either what young Friends want out of their meetings nor what is good for them. How can we help you organize as young Quakers without forcing models onto your worship that seem outmoded to you? Then we must look for way to open for us to join in their vision. The vision they create must become our vision, and then we who are older will be creating it, too.
Let us not pretend that this generational shift is comfortable or easy. History is rife with unsuccessful generational transfer of power. I urge our meetings to think creatively about inter-generational events, projects, and committees. It is critically important that young Friends be invited to create these events. What kinds of spaces do our young Friends need for their gatherings, concerts, or coffee houses?
I propose we create mentoring relationships, with the objective of nurturing younger Friends toward a sense of empowerment grounded in Quaker principles. In turn, our older Friends will become curious and inspired by the energy and new ideas of our youth. The success of ideas like this one and the others proposed in this essay rests on the deep and confident witness of continuing revelation. Quakers are called to live in the modern age in the great and confusing here and now, and not to cling to old customs or nostalgic attachments.
As some of us begin to rest in the comforting twilight due us, others must step forward and engage the world in the vital witness of our testimonies. The work of the young will include creating online Quaker communities. They will dance in the fervent Spirit as they feel it, not as we think they should feel it. Nothing is static in Quaker theology. Let us see the new Society growing up around us with a sense of awe at God’s work brought to life through us, young and old alike.
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388. Expectant Listening: Finding God’s Thread of Guidance (by Michael
Wajda; 2007)
About the Author—Michael Wajda travels widely among Friends, leading retreats, giving talks & seeking to help strengthen our meetings’ spiritual life. Michael has been a Friend since the late 1960’s. He currently serves as Associate Secretary for Development & Interpretation for the Friends General Conference. He is a graduate of the School of the Spirit’s course “On being a Spiritual Nurturer”; he and his family are members of Goshen MM. About the Author—Benjamin Lloyd is an actor & teacher based in Philadelphia. He teaches acting, & acts as member of the Artistic Company at People’s Light & Theater in Malvern, PA. He wrote The Actor’s Way: A Journey of Self-Discovery in Letters. He is a member Haverford MM of the Religious Society of Friends.
[Introduction]/ Promote Quaker Identity—I had a vision of a colorful poster across the side of a city bus of an attractive-yet-funky couple [with the caption] “Your Friendly Neighborhood Quakers. Come worship with them … www.quaker. Org.” [I imagined similar bus posters. Not one of them] features a stout, older man wearing a Puritan black hat over white curls. For some of us, advertising Quakerism seems like [a loud interruption] in meeting for worship. The vestiges of 19th century quietism still cling to us 200 years later. [2 concerns are here]: shrinking numbers & reversing the trend; most new Friends [will join as] convinced adult Friends attracted by what Quakers have to offer. I offer some strategies for nurturing a robust & growing Society of Friends in the 21st century. Let us engage with the world more, & become the beacons we are called to be.
I do not proselytize and neither do any of the Friends I worship with, but that is not the same as announcing our presence, a concept I feel we need to become more comfortable with if we are to grow in the 21st century. How will we draw others if they don’t know where we are? We need to move Quakerism into public consciousness through innovative marketing & public relations. About 2 years ago, I created t-shirts & buttons to identify the wearer as a Quaker. The t-shirts say: “Peaceful/Truthful/Simple” on the front & “Quaker” on back. [I was not comfortable wearing them at first. I worried about the lack of response. I did have a few brief encounters and conversations inspired by them].
I am alarmed by the dwindling numbers of unprogrammed Friends in North America; NY and Philadelphia had losses greater than 20%. I challenge every Quaker who is reading these words to find fun and creative ways to mention their religious affiliation occasionally. As you let your life speak, you are our Society’s greatest advertisement. [With Quakers], God is involved in discerning the sense of a meeting but not necessarily in reaching consensus. Fearing that we will sound like evangelicals and fundamentalists is a sure sign that the fundamentalists have successfully co-opted language which is rightfully ours as well. When I explained to non-Quakers what “sense of the meeting” was during a conflict, the debate moved into a more meaningful realm.
There is a rightful authenticity in such language, and when it comes from the heart it is felt as true by those who hear it. Good ministry is felt, and we must not confine it to the meeting house during our meetings for worship. I have been gently eldered using “thee,” and it provided a useful distancing function for the delivery of a difficult communication. I am calling for an ongoing public celebration, not only of who we are as Quakers, but that we are Quakers. Many Friends feel bitter, defeated, disillusioned. The world is not hospitable to Quakers.
But it never has been. What can your meeting do for the world? What housing can you provide for recovery groups, civic meetings, or parent gatherings? I believe it is important that we Quaker parents raise Quaker children. We should not be shy about articulating to those children about what Quakerism means. My son sees and feels God everywhere. He came into the world ready to live with God (whom he calls “She”). I want Griffen and Ella to be Quakers into adulthood, both for what I believe it will bring to them and for what they will bring to the Religious Society of Friends.
Promote Membership—Patricia Loring writes: “In this era of rampant individualism, there are many people who feel either that there is no need for formal membership or that membership involves too much membership sacrifice of personal autonomy. We must respect declarations of independence, praying that the quality of our own lives in community may open others to transformation.” I have recently discerned that what some people call freedom is a kind of vain isolation. We are meant to be deeply knit into the fabric of each other’s lives. A willingness to work through conflict, to meet challenges and problems with good will, emotional honesty, and demonstrations of love and care for each other, are features true communities share.
[Newly-joined Friends express disappointment about the process when it seems to lack substance & meaning. The clearness sessions in which readiness to join is recognized should be wonderfully rich & deeply felt spiritual experiences. From the 1st, Quakers have been invested in big feelings. For me, it has always been in the presence of the big feelings that God has felt closest. In the face of the big feeling you will know what to do if you listen for God. These are the occasions when we must trust both God & our Quaker traditions to show us the way. Why are attenders not members of the meetings where they worship? Have they considered the consequences to your community of not joining? [What] fears have been invented which keep them from joining?
Some say that an active attender is the same as a member, but a Quaker [belongs] to a Friendly, has made an official commitment to that meeting. I propose that we begin to nurture a relationship to membership that is special. [How it is special], is up to each meeting to explore. A Quaker is a person who has committed themself to a radical way of behaving in the world. A Quaker is a person who lives in a constant conversation with God. What are the meeting’s requirements for membership? What must the meeting know about a person before we know that we are clear to ask him or her to join officially in membership?
Unprogrammed Friends today seem very wary of standards and the debilitating hierarchies they occasionally give rise to. Patricia Loring writes: “The consequences of having no standard [for membership] is that the meeting conforms to the vision of the people who have been admitted, [rather than transforming new members into Quakers]. I reflected on how fragile our Quaker process is, how vulnerable to abuse by those with personality disorders, how easily hijacked by individuals with ulterior motives.
We stand for our testimonies. Certainly we should be clear that those who wish to join us will stand for them. Who wants to become part of a group that does not clearly articulate and celebrate the qualities that make it unique? How often does you meeting community do things together just to have fun? I am talking about pure fun, not incidental fun. These kinds of gatherings should be thrown open to attenders sitting on the fence. One of my meeting’s most successful innovations recently has been an annual arts festival. We use this gathering as a form of community outreach, inviting friends and neighbors to join in the fun. If we make membership something special, creative, enjoyable, we might develop ways to make Friends meetings more attractive to the middle-aged folk who may be heading towards convincement.
Promote Pastoral Care—Contributing to the tendency for pseudocommunity may be the lack of focused pastoral care in our meetings. Pastoral care is the glue of interpersonal spiritual connection. I think our wariness of being “intrusive” is problematic. In a nurturing and attentive meeting community, we experience the work of communal love in our lives directly. How is a nurturing and attentive meeting community accomplished?
Good pastoral care requires focus on an individual or small group within the meeting. I have felt deeply changed by the gathered love of my meeting when 5 Friends sat with me in clearness committee worship. They often presented me with queries about my life, or reflecting back to me something of interest to them, but never trying to “fix” the problem. They have become my ministers, my counselors, my elders. Perhaps our committees on care & counsel could provide workshops on these “meetings for counsel.” Early Friends lived in a kind of on-going meeting for counsel with each other. More meetings for counsel might be a way to make more room for the Spirit in our Quaker communities.
[On a more personal note, a Friend who felt blessed by my vocal ministry wrote a letter to my children, expressing the hope that I would write the words down, and share them with my children] “that someday you [children] will know that what God has spoke was truth.” With these words, my friend confirmed her place as my elder, nurturing my ministry with words of affirmation and encouragement. [Griffen and I spoke about my ministry, and] there was instruction; I was not the Instructor. It was God, [working through people].
Another way to enhance our pastoral care is to elder each other lovingly. It is vitally important that we retain the ability to advise each other with love & purpose. I believe that we are called to these awkward yet spiritually binding encounters. [Not all elders are old]. Eldering is best accomplished after the “elder” has sought counsel. Patricia Loring writes: “Eldering is a kind of spiritual parenting that is reflected in the current term ‘spiritual nurture.’ Like a loving parent, the elder works from her or his own experience of being loved.” It takes a Quaker meeting to raise a Quaker child. [Perhaps] my meeting could evolve into some kind of childcare collective in the future. There might be a small Quaker “village” ready to help raise the children as their parents negotiate the realities of 21st century living. Developing our meetings in such ways could be a powerful form of outreach.
Promote Quaker Leadership—Griffen has been a part of this essay because he is my son and I adore him and our relationship contains God. Also I wish to represent a potential future Quaker leader. To get to the Religious Society of Friends of the 21st century, we need to turn our attention away from the past and focus on our youth. Leadership within my Quaker community has become a suspect idea. Some of us have equated leadership with oppression, as if the one who stands and says, “Follow me!” must have dark designs and malevolent intent. I have witnessed meeting communities brought into states of disorder by a blanket mistrust of the simple act of making a decision. The original idea is lost in a sea of paranoia and micromanagement.
1 cause of such disorder is the reluctance of clerks to be leaders. Arthur Larrabee points out: “Leadership from the clerk encourages corporate discipline that makes it easier for the meeting to sense & respond to Spirit. Absent the clerk’s leadership, the domination of some, inefficiency & exhaustion may take over.” The clerk is called upon to bring order & direction to the slow, deliberate discernment of corporate will in Quaker business meetings.
A clerk is a role model & should live demonstrably in our Society’s testimonies & be knowledgeable about its practices. Meeting members should be able to trust the clerk to speak truthfully as a witness to our testimonies.
Patricia Loring writes: “We often move appointments discerned by the community in order to answer & develop the spiritual gifts and callings of individuals, to a process of self-selection by inclination rather than discernment.”
Absent a solid nominating committee, leadership roles may be left to those with the most dominating personalities or the most charm. [As Quakers], all of us, but our clerks especially, should lead by loving examples. Leadership is certainly a gift to be noticed and nourished in our meetings. [If there is a “hyper-egalitarianism” in our meetings], we have sacrificed the safety of our communities for the right of individuals to behave in harmful ways. Let us [instead] ask those with gifts of leadership, to be our clerks.
The most important issue is who will lead us in the future. The older generation which guided our Society through the 20th century is diminishing. We must be more present in the world so the world can find us and so new members will worship with us and support us. The key to this transition is the nurture of young Quaker leaders. Our survival depends upon handing the “keys to the kingdom” over to young Friends. We who are older must not presume to know either what young Friends want out of their meetings nor what is good for them. How can we help you organize as young Quakers without forcing models onto your worship that seem outmoded to you? Then we must look for way to open for us to join in their vision. The vision they create must become our vision, and then we who are older will be creating it, too.
Let us not pretend that this generational shift is comfortable or easy. History is rife with unsuccessful generational transfer of power. I urge our meetings to think creatively about inter-generational events, projects, and committees. It is critically important that young Friends be invited to create these events. What kinds of spaces do our young Friends need for their gatherings, concerts, or coffee houses?
I propose we create mentoring relationships, with the objective of nurturing younger Friends toward a sense of empowerment grounded in Quaker principles. In turn, our older Friends will become curious and inspired by the energy and new ideas of our youth. The success of ideas like this one and the others proposed in this essay rests on the deep and confident witness of continuing revelation. Quakers are called to live in the modern age in the great and confusing here and now, and not to cling to old customs or nostalgic attachments.
As some of us begin to rest in the comforting twilight due us, others must step forward and engage the world in the vital witness of our testimonies. The work of the young will include creating online Quaker communities. They will dance in the fervent Spirit as they feel it, not as we think they should feel it. Nothing is static in Quaker theology. Let us see the new Society growing up around us with a sense of awe at God’s work brought to life through us, young and old alike.
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388. Expectant Listening: Finding God’s Thread of Guidance (by Michael
Wajda; 2007)
[Introduction]—Have you ever been moved by an inbreaking of the Light—awakened by the inflowing love of God? God is continually calling us to faithfulness and into the gifts and ministries that we are given; it creates a hunger for more. One way to feed that hunger is through expectant listening. [The more] we experience this indwelling nature, the more expectant we become; we grow in expectant listening.
We Quakers are a listening people. We seek God experientially. In seeking, we find. In listening, we hear God’s messages. “Expectant listening” is listening to hear God’s messages. I was in my early 20’s and caught in the midst of a traumatic family tragedy with a schizophrenic wife for 4 years. What was this core of strength that I was discovering deep down, keeping me close to the crisis, yet letting me know that love and forgiveness were part of the mystery and miracle of life as well? My little Quaker meeting, which I had joined 3 years earlier, became a place of innocence for me. I was not judged there, and I was loved.
At first the silence in meeting and when I was alone brought me peace, harmony, & strength. Then I discovered that there was Something alive in the silence. It said: “Accept only the thoughts that come from God.” These thoughts were deeply important to me. They began to change my whole foundation, guiding me & enfolding me in love. An older member felt that the common denominator among those who know Inward Reality was that we had faced serious problems and that he had not experienced any serious problems; he was not sure that the Light was real. No matter how you find it, the most important thing is trying to keep [in touch with] it. I know now that it is not always easy to find and follow the Light. We all need encouragement in our search.
Qualities That Help Nurture Expectant Listening/ “Noticings”—Fox admonished seekers to allow Light to search them & reveal corruptions. This counsel wasn’t to suggest that seekers focus on corruption, but that they release faults & rise above them into the same Light that revealed the deceiving self to the seeking soul. Rex Ambler has a “Light group” process, where one is encouraged to look honestly at oneself & to wait patiently & openly for truth to come. I found I had to be honest with myself about self. When I was, I could begin to heal & to let go of some of my hurts and mistakes. It helped to share these deep experiences with others, and to be vulnerable.
A “noticing” is when we attend to the in-breaking of the spirit and try to learn from it. Mine had truth, wisdom, and life in them. They encouraged me to spend much more time listening for God. They taught me how to turn toward the Light. God speaks to us in limitless ways, through images, visions, physical shaking in worship, dreams, illness, and a deep inward knowing, well as through the still small voice within.
[Once upon a time], I had a strong attachment to entering my morning worship by reading from Thomas Kelly’s A Testament of Devotion. I began to sense that God wanted me to come without Thomas Kelly; I found that difficult. One morning I sat & waited expectantly in the silence. I felt my love for God & God’s love for me beaming within; I felt God hugging me. I was taught to come to solitary worship without another’s writings.
Samuels Bownas wrote of a traveling minister in 1696: “[She uttered to me]: ‘A traditional Quaker, thou comest to meeting as thou went from it & goes from it as thou came to it, but art no better for thy coming; what wilt thou do in the end.’ This was so pat to my condition, that I was smitten to the ground … A voice spoke in my heart saying, ‘Look unto me & I will help thee;’ & I found much comfort, that made me to shed … tears.” Samuel Bownas grew in the ministry; he began traveling in it. One of my favorite exercises is to help Friends to uncover their noticings, & to share these experiences in small groups so that everyone can learn from them. Noticing helped me to learn that God wants a relationship. This experience has greatly deepened my spiritual life.
I often experience God’s messages as something that gives life, in the best sense of the word. But I also made a spiritual mistake. I was guided by the Spirit to leave a romantic relationship; I chose not to leave. For 20 years, I cut off my listening. God didn't leave me entirely, but I was outside the Garden gate. At a spiritual retreat, we were told to ask ourselves, “With God at my side, what becomes clear?” I journaled: “I feel a failure because I cut myself off from the Source. I definitely experienced a fall & feel I missed some amazing opportunity to grow spiritually. God said, “It doesn’t matter.” Eventually God asked, “Are you ready to welcome me into the center of your life again?” How do I know if what I hear is a message from God? Stan Thornburg said that God’s messages are often distinguished by the ways in which they bring, love, humility, wisdom, healing, and growth.
Patience—Another key aspect of expectant listening is the practice of patience. We may look for some great mountaintop experience and not notice the little ways in which the Light “speaks” to us. We may also move too quickly on a spiritual nudge or a leading. I can get carried away with my own great insights and forget to wait, or worry that if I do not speak, there may not be any vocal ministry. There are no substitutes for the Living God. My thoughts are not the same as what comes through me from the Spirit.
Patient spiritual waiting is a hard discipline for us moderns to practice. We spend too much time thinking and analyzing. When we wait [patiently] in worship, allowing our busy thoughts to pass by, God creates space for the Living presence to come in. As I settle into worship, I feel my hearing expand from my outer ears to include my inner ears. My thoughts become less important. As my listening intensifies, I often feel layers of myself slip away. Bill Taber has called this process the “Quaker technology of shifting levels of consciousness.”
Listening & Faithfulness—How does expectant listening increase our faithfulness as Friends? One of the fruits of expectant listening is more faithfulness, both at individual & corporate levels; it is all about God. It is God who gives us glimpses of God, teachings to pay attention, noticings of the Living Presence, hunger for Divine Reality, & ability to sink deep & to listen expectantly. The Living Presence gives us experiences of the Seed, so that we will come again to where we can hear God’s messages.
The more we listen & follow what we hear, the more guidance we receive. The more guidance we have, the more we will deepen our commitment to follow. Many years ago, I knew that God was calling me to ministry, & I wanted to take some time to find & name that ministry. I came out knowing that I was being led to nurture those individuals who are called to ministry. I saw Sandra Cronk & Kathryn Damiano living into their ministry at the School of the Spirit. The Quaker institutions around them weren’t sure what it was about or how to support them.
I was deeply concerned about this problem [& similar ones]. I began speaking & traveling with this concern, & my meeting responded solidly with support. Goshen Monthly Meeting gave me a minute of travel for religious service. I have led retreats, workshops, & worship-sharing sessions on deepening spiritual life. I still have a special concern for Friends who are feeling a deep call to step forward in a service of prayer & ministry. My ministry is also about listening affirming, encouraging, & supporting all Friends to go to, be fed by, & to live in the Deep Place. This is a plowing ministry to help turn the soil, so that God’s seeds waiting within can sprout & grow in us.
Listening & Corporate Faithfulness—Expectant listening helps us to nurture & strengthen our corporate faithfulness by deepening our experiences in meetings for worship & in meetings for business. Many contemporary Quaker meetings have a difficult time settling into deep worship, because we are so busy & so convinced of our good thinking. We come to meeting for worship to be with God & with others who are seeking this Reality.
Queries: What is God? Has God ever spoken to me? Have I ever experienced the Inward Light? Do I really believe in God? How do I know if it is God who is speaking? Do the other people in this room really believe in God? How can I be convinced that God really is present and is gathering us all into a place where “all creation has a new smell”?
1st, it is essential to [have noticings]. They teach us to be receptive to God’s living presence. 2nd, developing a regular spiritual practice is extremely important to deepening meetings for worship. It can include: individual daily worship; prayer; journal writing; solitude in nature; devotional reading; Bible & Quaker history study; & spiritual friendship. 3rd is “still” or “patient waiting.” Worship is nurtured when we allow ourselves to get out of the way. We seek something deeper than our own thoughts. A meeting for worship centered around our own thoughts has a false depth, a shallowness that can never reach divine transformation.
Expectant listening increases our desire to find Inward Light everywhere so that we come to meeting hungry for the Living Presence. When we settle into deep, expectant listening, we experience new levels of Quaker worship. Alison Levie offered observations about meeting for [worship with attention to] business. Friends often forget that meeting for business is a spiritual practice. It is looking for Truth as a body, rather than about our individual senses of truth. It is sharing glimpses of the Truth & listening deeply for a [better] sense of the whole Truth.
Friends General Conference learned that it would receive a very large bequest of about $2.5 million. The Finance Committee considered this news & recommended that this unusual gift be invested so that the income could be used to support our current programs. Any new programs would require fundraising. Friends wrestled with this recommendation. The presiding clerk helped us to hold our deliberations in worship. After excellent discernment it became clear we had to wait. [I started out with a different view, but] I felt very positive about where we came out. I knew we had been faithful. A year later our patient expectant listening bore excellent fruit.
Barry Morley’s description of how we know when we have found the sense of the meeting sounds quite similar to my experience of expectant listening. My subcommittee was in charge of the yearly meeting’s opening program. In worship, a Friend shared a dream where she heard a voice saying, “I want to speak.” As a result our plan would be to open the sessions with an extended meeting for worship.
Listening Sometimes Becomes Seeing—It has been my experience that expectant listening sometimes evokes spiritual seeing. [There are numerous Biblical examples of visual messages, & even a few among early Quakers]. One of my 1st visual spiritual experiences was after a William Blake poem; it was an image of Christ transposed on the sun. At home, I was sitting still & listening very deeply, when I saw the Miracle of Life brightly shining within & without me. Later, I was drawing an image of the Stream of Life, when I saw the Living Stream burning like fire. The sense of God as spiritual fire has become a persistent vision for me. These visional experiences have helped me know that there are many dimensions to the spiritual life. This seeing is another of God’s languages.
Finding God’s Deep, Long Thread of Guidance/ Listening to God is a Lifelong Endeavor—God has given us a deep, long thread of guidance weaving our whole lives. My experiences have led me to cherish a profound relationship with Divine Mystery. In almost every one of my silent retreats, I have been given a significant message to help me along my spiritual journey. In another year, I was told to forgive my mother & to reach out to her. By following that message, my relationship with my mother was transformed after 20 years of estrangement.
After reading the Gospel of John [on retreat], [I asked while in worship], “When in this place of communion, what is it you would have me do?” [The answer in part was]: come here often; make space in your life for this communion; set your self aside; slow down your activities; trust only in my leadings; ask for guidance; worship me stronger, purer, longer; celebrate me in your heart; do what I ask, and know that the reward is in obedience.
The [deep, long] thread [of guidance] looks like this: Wake up. Help the world to wake up. Go deeper. Nurture others who are following me. Share the fruits of your searching & finding with others. What are you doing to stay in touch with the Living Source? You must turn your heart, mind, & soul toward me once an hour. God has given a thread to each of us individually & to all of us corporately, in order to pull us into various experiences & awareness of God’s love. Sometimes the thread will bring awareness of weakness, or of God’s love and joy.
We can nurture expectant listening by paying attention, by heeding our “noticings,” and by patient, regular spiritual practices. Expectant listening opens us to a mystical way of knowing that has the potential to transform each of us, and the whole world. We Quakers are being called to greater faithfulness. We are being called to go deep, to listen expectantly, and to respond with the best of our abilities to become channels of the Living God.
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389. From West Point to Quakerism (by Mike Heller; 2007)
About the Author—Mike Heller teaches literature and writing at Roanoke College, where Rebecca is the reference librarian. He has edited and co-edited notable Quaker publications. A member of Roanoke Monthly Meeting, Mike currently serves on Pendle Hill’s Board of Trustees.
[Introduction]—[Matt. 8: 8,13 cited] My brother Bill drove me to West Point, July 3, 1967. I [got on] a green army bus, with other young men, for the ride into the barracks area. We took turns standing with arms out to be measured for uniforms, [& receive cadet clothing, among them]: gym shorts, white t-shirts, black socks, & lowcut black shoes. We were led through a sally port, a dark arching gateway into old Central area. An upperclassman with epaulets ordered me to report to the Man in the Red Sash. [My legs wouldn’t stop shaking while I did so]. 1,000 new cadets marched to Trophy Point to take the oath. We had marched in squads around the blacktop in Central Area and New South Area, learning to salute and do the about face.
For years I didn’t want to talk about my journey, from growing up in a military family, going to West Point, & then becoming increasingly uncomfortable with military service; I didn’t know how to talk about it. After a Quaker meeting at Sandy Spring, way began to open. Through writing, I have gained better understanding of regret & the need for affirmation, cowardice & courage, my artistic life, & my life journey of duty & spiritual direction.
Growing up—I grew up on or near air bases in the late ‘50’s & early ‘60’s, when the military lived in a bright light of victory & high morale. As kids we rode bikes down to the flight line. On some days my father let me walk with him into airplane hangars, & sometimes I got to climb into the planes themselves, & even a Titan missile silo. In 1961, my brother Bill went to West Point. [We traveled cross-country to see him at Christmas].
At 4 years old, I stand near my mother who is seated on the grass; she is tickling me. Her love for me had nothing to do with whether I was good at anything. [It seemed to me] as if in her eyes I was always that little boy. My father was a great air force captain and a great line engineer. He and my mother liked the airbase social life and were active in the officers’ club. They often had parties that I watched from the hallway in my pajamas.
There is a WW II photo of my father as a handsome young lieutenant with a thin mustache and his hat cocked at an angle. Dad took part in the fire bombing of Tokyo. The day my father’s plane ditched in the Pacific, my mother had a miscarriage, and her father died. My father was the only one from that crew that chose to return to combat; he flew 30 more missions over Japan. He got out of the military for 6 years, and was recalled in the Korean War. He and my mother decided to stay in the military for a career.
My struggles, my resistance to authority probably would have happened even if I had not gone into the military. The spring he left the air force, we moved to Phoenix. The high school art studio was a subversive place. Ed Shipp, my art teacher, had us paint big paintings. [I had doubts about going to a military academy]. I was 17 and aware of Vietnam, but gave the war little serious thought. [I applied, did tests, examinations and interviews. I received a telegram that spring from Senator Paul Fannin saying I had been accepted at West Point.
West Point—At one weekly Saturday morning inspection, I told the tactical officer that I was homesick. He asked me when I was going to get over it. I said I didn’t know. Boxing was one of a plebe year’s 4 required classes. Mr. Palone taught us a good boxer knows how not to get hit. Bob Tomasulo & I were to be boxers on our cadet company team. Years later I realized I might have been a pretty good boxer if I could have worn glasses.
One dark November night at supper, all the plebes were strung out, worn out, & tired. When they kept us from eating & poured on verbal abuse, some of us broke down. One Friday night at the movies [someone harassed me and I left]. He hated my guts because I had turned in my roommates and several others for leaving campus & sneaking in alcohol. After days of agonizing indecision & advice from my brother, I told the honor rep what I knew. The guys involved were not kicked out though expulsion was the punishment for even the smallest honor violation. I was forced to choose between the institution’s honor system and the barracks’ code of loyalty.
All of this occurred within a barracks life that was harsh & confusing. The world behind the closed doors of plebe rooms included crude jokes & macho posturing. One of those I turned in asked, “Why didn’t you talk to us 1st?” He was right. For the rest of 1968 & long after that, I must have been clinically depressed. The honor incident occurred in the context of sinking institutional morale. The war for me was strangely distant, even though a friend’s brother was killed in the Tet offensive. [The assassinations of King & Kennedy followed later that year].
In the spring of my plebe year, I bought a sketchbook to rekindle my sense of creative energy and integrity. My good friend and frequent roommate Joe Waldhaus was a rebel. He stubbornly refused to buy a class ring, in spite of numerous attempts to persuade him. He was practicing Gandhi-like non-cooperation.
The superintendent Major General Koster spoke to us when he resigned because of his role in the My Lai massacre cover-up; the charges against him were dropped. The summer before my West Point senior year, Rebecca Crist & I were engaged. During my senior year, she lived in nearby Fort Montgomery. The 2nd & 3rd years, I painted at the post hobby shop. One painting was of the Long Island shore in summer. Another was of the lane behind old Central area.
West Point, despite itself, was quickening my ideals for how I wanted to live, if only because I was experiencing inward rebellion and disillusionment. I had experienced something of apostasy, separation from God, and I was beginning to experience a journey of restoration and return. [I had a few good role models at West Point in Col Jack Capps, Col. Charles Kimble, and Maj. Pat Hoy. The last two taught] with a gentle but sharp edge that made me wake up, listen, and enjoy. At our graduation in Michie Stadium, Secretary of Defense Laird gave a speech. I did not bother throwing my hat in the air. That afternoon I slid 2 army issue trunks into the back of a car and drove out the south gate.
The Army—In June, 2 weeks after graduation, Becky & I were married in her parents’ home in Phoenix. The 1st year after graduation, I learned something about the excitement & power of firing large weapons. [I jumped out of a plane 4 times, twice at night, in spite of being scared the 1st time]. When I saw footage of our B-52s dropping hundreds of bombs in Cambodia & heard it described as rolling thunder, I realized how little I understood of what was happening.
Our Ranger training was based on small unit infantry combat in Vietnam. I ended up not having to go, which is one reason that telling my story might be self-indulgent. I felt vague guilt and self-consciousness about not suffering the brutality of war along with others. I spent a year as an armored cavalry platoon leader, practicing things [I] hoped never to have to do. After the armored cavalry I was assigned to Arlington, Virginia.
I walked from home to headquarters, into an office that managed personnel databases for army intelligence. I drove across the Potomac to George Washington University. I was the awkward army guy sitting in class with anti-war hippies, graduate students, & older women returning to school. At the Ft. Myer hospital, I went to the Psychiatry Department, but [something kept me from explaining what I needed, & I left shivering in fear].
Meanwhile, Becky went to the Quaker Meeting at Sandy Spring, Maryland. Becky & I were drawn toward Quaker worship. Becky grew up in the Disciples of Christ church. We attended Unitarian Universalist, & Catholic services. The only thing I knew about Quakers was something vague about their refusal to participate in wars. We went to the Quaker meeting together. I remember how strange it felt in the silence to watch my thoughts unspooling for that hour. Afterward I felt relaxed and open. I wrote 2 letters asking to resign my commission. They accepted my resignation after the second letter, on the last day of my 5-year commitment. My father thought I was making a mistake, and may have had doubts that I could make it on my own outside the military.
Friends—Before I knew anything about Quakers, I felt drawn to a plain style of behavior. Plain speaking seems like the way of my movie heroes, Gary Cooper & Jimmy Stewart. For the same reasons, when I left the army, I was glad there was no ceremony. [We went back to Phoenix, which seemed like our spiritual home]. If a drill sergeant had asked, “What are you going to do now,” I would have said, “Drill Sergeant, I don’t know.”
One morning I woke up, and knew that I wanted to go into teaching. I contacted AZ State U’s English Department, and talked to Lynn Nelson. She became a mentor who helped me face my fears about teaching. At a level below my logical mind, I felt I was finally doing the right thing. That Year I took a course in methods of teaching art of Ed Shipp, my high school art teacher. He said, “Back in high school, there were forces working on you that were beyond your control.”
Becky & I began attending the Quaker meeting at AZ State U. in the small chapel across from the library. When the meeting accepted our requests for membership, they presented us with 2 books by Howard Brinton, Quaker Journals & Friends for 300 years. The silence of Quaker worship spoke to me before I knew anything of Quaker faith or witness. The silence offered me an opportunity to go inward & listen, & it was an opportunity to be with others with long experience in this inward listening. I found comfort in this careful waiting on the Spirit.
was embarrassed about having chosen to go to West Point. I did not feel worthy to call myself a Quaker, but that changed as I gradually sensed that [I always was a Quaker]. Becky’s love and support had kept me alive; she believed in me. [With 2 children], love and forgiveness began their long course of unfolding within me. [I did not admit to my Mom that I regretted going to West Point]. Did I feel that admitting regret would make it harder for me to forgive myself or to forgive others? I did not regret that I returned to art as a way to be present in the world & that I had begun to listen to my heart’s whispering. I didn't regret how the way opened.
I was hired as an English teacher at Thunderbird High School. I learned from our principal, other teachers, & my students. My body & soul were quietly saying yes to a new life. I didn't return to West Point for 24 years. In 1994 my plebe boxing teammate & friend Bob Tomasulo, died in a rock-climbing accident. When I finally did go back to West Point, it was to visit Bob’s grave. Parking at the Old Cadet Chapel, I got out to look for Bob’s grave. West Point had given me my friendship with Bob T. West Point had helped me become a Quaker, too.
My father at 85 had a bout with pneumonia, and spent a month in the Virginia Veterans Care Center, a nursing home. It was not easy. Despite the atmosphere of diarrhea and urine, the nurses smiled a lot and had helpful words. I felt something sacred here with these old men and the few old women. Soon they would all cross over. My father seemed to resent them, but to me they seemed like sweet old men, not at all like the men I remembered meeting in the army. Somewhere along the way I learned that most military officers are kind, extremely bright people, and probably most are smarter than I am.
What should one do for one’s family, community, nation, and world? Now I feel I should do what I can to work for nonviolent solutions in the world. I have learned that knowing one’s duty is a journey of lifelong discernment through conflicting tensions. A sense of duty arises from one’s deeply-felt inward life. [Woolman linked duty to self-interest in writing: “To examine and prove ourselves, to find what harmony the power presiding in us bears with the divine nature, is a duty not more incumbent and necessary than it would be beneficial.”
From Anne Hardt at Tempe Meeting I learned that the idealistic option is sometimes the most realistic. From Janeal Ravndal I learned that “nothing you do is too small to make a difference.” From Sterling Omstead’s study of Woolman and Gandhi I learned that nonviolence can be an act of spiritual self-fulfillment. From William Stafford I learned that even if war seems unavoidable, we can do everything possible to “postpone it, shorten it, de-escalate it.” Wendell Berry asks: “How many deaths of other people’s children by bombing or starvation are we willing to accept in order that we may be free, affluent and (supposedly) at peace?
The world is too small to have anything but neighbors. What are needed are people who can work hard to make peace. Woolman and Gandhi saw that the means and the ends are inseparable from loving one’s neighbor as oneself. I still feel like a beginner at prayer. I pray that my heart will be opened to see what is needed. I pray that my heart will be opened to see beyond anger, despair, and lashing out. I pray that my heart will be opened to see the beauty, mystery and love that surround me.
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390. Special Education as Spiritual Journey (by Michael Resman; 2007)
About the Author—Michael Resman is an occupational therapist who has served children and adults with developmental disabilities for 30 years. He provides support for the annual gathering of Friends General Conference and leads workshops at Pendle Hill.Introduction—A girl I worked with went from a healthy, gifted student to someone with stroke-like symptoms, impaired vision & limited speech. It was my task to support her independence & return to school. She found out about the arrangements I had made & wrote "bless you." I knew that I had been blessed by an angel.
I have always been drawn to children with the most severe disabilities. Grace led me to these children. Having been a parentally-abused child, I entered adulthood wounded and afraid. But I could give myself totally to these children without fear of being hurt and rejected. These children, whom many regarded as hopelessly retarded, became my teachers. Some lessons took a lifetime to learn and required countless repetitions.
Patience/ Gentleness—[Most people think I have a lot of patience]. I suggest instead that I have appropriate expectations. Working 1-on-1, free from other distractions, we were able to attend to each other. In our little corner the child & I can do things her way, & celebrate each tiny accomplishment. I once spent 3 years leading a team teaching a young man to feed himself. I count my work with that team as a high point of my career.
I wrote the following poem in 1982, when I still invested too much self-worth in my ability to produce improvement in my students condition: PITY [for other and self]—Are you well enough/ to smile at me today?/ ... [Even with] the tube that's in your nose./ Your soft cheeks dimple,/ and emotions rush/ to crowd behind my eyes./ I wish, how I wish./ But that won't bring a change./ ... What good am I/ I can't help you.
Part of my job was to prevent muscle contractures that render joints and limbs useless, and reverse them if possible by restoring movement. [I learned the hard way in my early years that stretching of such muscles had to be done with gentleness, otherwise I would defeat the purpose of the stretching or even make an emergency room visit necessary]. Eventually, I stopped using any force to accomplish my goals. [I was not always successful]. I tried everything I could think of to awaken, strengthen, and position the muscles of their upper trunks to help the diaphragm with breathing. I never found anything that would help very much. I often had to tune out the noise of the busy, noisy classrooms and focus for long periods on the child I was holding. The joyful, awe-inspiring discovery process of learning to read their physical status and later their moods with my hands went on for years until it became part of who I am professionally.
TAMMY—I remember sunlight on fine golden hair,/ freckles sprinkled on nose and cheeks, ... [sparkling eyes, room-warming smile], / So many things I got from you;/ did I give back in equal measure?/ The things you taught will stay with me/ to use with others;/ ... I'm going to miss your gentle sigh ... God speed, little angel.
Love—I found that I had moved from a professional concern to a deep love for each child, and that I could still remain objective, making even more appropriate judgments, because I looked deeper into the life circumstances of the children and those closest to them. [There is often enjoyment for both participants of the sessions]. There was an unspoken conspiracy formed with other staff who had bonded closely with the children.
How could a loving God allow obviously innocent children to suffer? Where was God in the lives of the children I served? For years I chewed on my questions without reaching any understanding. My childhood beliefs changed; I questioned original sin and the need for baptism. On average a student of mine has died each year. The non-answer, "God's purposes are unknowable," of different denominations was unacceptable.
I found my spiritual home with the Quakers, and I slowly learned to make use of silence. When a spiritually mature Quaker woman was injured in a car accident, I demanded an answer as to why God allowed this terrible injustice to happen. All childhood pain and frustration, and the lives of the children I served was heaped on. In response, I was lifted to heaven, and was fully in God's presence for the next 6 months. God''s love, like the love of every mother for her children throughout history and the world, overwhelmed me. 2 truths came: God is perfect. Heaven is forever. I had to rethink everything I had believed from this new viewpoint—heaven's perspective. I struggled with my interior life in silence for about 6 months.
[Acceptance by Meeting/ Different Knowings]—I shared the opening I had received and the ongoing process I experienced with my soon-to-be meeting; they responded with warm acceptance and the assurance that my unusual experience and differing beliefs among members were in keeping with Quaker tradition and practice. As I developed understandings I shared them with my spiritual nurture group. I found that deeper than intellect or emotions, there is a spiritual awareness capable of consuming huge truths and arriving at new Truth in an instant. Whipsawed between humility at my poor condition and spiritual ecstasy, I stumbled forward.
At the same time I was practicing a slower method of learning—holding up an issue and examining it from the new perspectives I had been given. My [visions] were given to me whole. My task was to take them in and [slowly] remember them. I applied this process to the questions about suffering and the children I served. It came to me that we all agree to the circumstances of our lives before we are born. We have freedom to live as we wish within our circumstances. The challenge for those of us who have much is to give to those who have little.
STONE TRAVEL—If you would know the universe/ travel through a stone./ Feel its borders from within/ taste its minerals./ Inventory atoms, recalling where each has been./ Then you will find/ outside the bounds,/ the center./ & you will know/ we are one/ have been/ ... & shall be ... again after we account for where we've been.
[What would the world be like if no one were in need?]—If each of us were self-sufficient, [and no one needed help, helpful friends or professional helpers], what a self-centered, limited existence that would be. For there to be a meaningful life of service, there must be people who before their lives begin choose to be in need. Where is the justice for those who live in great need? There is only justice in the next world. Those who live in need provide opportunities for those around them to grow in holiness. This is an answer for why God allows the innocent to suffer. What can't be understood or answered in this world is transformed into joy in the next.
Believing that people "must have done something to deserve their circumstances" excuses one from extending or sacrificing one's self to provide meaningful service, or to interfere at all. [It is easier to believe that we are superior to those in poorer circumstances, than to accept] the consequences of considering the disabled, mentally ill, impoverished, or deprived as our peers in worthiness. They provide opportunities for others to grow in holiness, and be leading lives more in tune with God's will than are we.
Kindness—I was assigned to assist a kindergartener in transitioning from a mental health day treatment program into public schools. He was a small, disordered, extraordinarily fearful child. In working with him, I frequently asked him for help in figuring out how games worked. This together with focusing on him in a quiet, calm manner, seemed to make him comfortable with me. I left the school he was to be attending for another, but had to go back for something I had forgotten. I found him standing at the wrong door where he had been dropped off. I led him to his classroom. God had made use of my mistake to carry out an act of mercy.
I struggled with obedience and trust in God. God could make use of me, faults and all. I thought I would be asked to serve. But instead opportunities to serve simply emerged in my path. I sat outside the dining hall at FGC gathering with a boom box I was using later in a workshop. Someone walked up and asked if she could use it in her workshop later. God had moved me to sit on the bench and her to walk by while I was there; God's voice let me know when I could get up. When seemingly random coincidences occur, I remind myself to stop and seek out whether God is at work. Often, I have to be content with not knowing.
DANCE—I could want nothing more/ than to dance in the palm of God./ Surrounded by Friends whose tender concern/ lifts me./ To go forth in Love-lit mist/ seeing dimly, but forever./ My ear turned/ inward/ out-ward/ and I know/ and knowing leap ... Yes. Dazed by the touch of forgiveness/ I wander through the world.
Generosity [Home Visits]—The 1st time I to went to a child's home [to help with home-related problems], I asked the parents to describe the problem, viewed the environment and developed initial plans. The 1st plans rarely worked satisfactorily, so we would make improvements to our approach. I noticed that not accepting payment [disrupted the usual client-provider relationship]. [They did not want to bother me with questions, and plans were not followed, perhaps because my free suggestions were not valued]. [I often had to accept compensation from those I helped, in order to create client-provider roles & complete a successful interaction]. Whether it is intended or not, an inherent part of providing help is putting the recipient in a subordinate position.
With God's gift of serenity, I began to develop a sense of [life-wide] calm. I could see over the continuing stream of problems and disappointments. They had no claim on my emotions; I could acknowledge them and let go. Later, I developed the discipline of giving thanks for whatever was in front of me, striving to see God's hand in my opportunities, [including what I once saw as obstacles]. [After several weeks of seeking and expressing gratitude], I was surprised that joy—an awareness that all was well with the world and I had nothing to fear—was growing deep in my heart. These gifts were given in response to my tenuous and imperfect reaching toward God. VIS—If invisible,/ I could serve as a window/ to the other side./ With non-being,/ a door.
Peace—During a young student's funeral—she died in her sleep—I centered, watched, & was awed as her soul went to heaven. I hugged close the fact that these children are wondrously watched & loved from heaven. At other funerals I saw other children joyfully go to heaven. While a special ed director was very hard to deal with, I saw during prayers one of my recent [child-souls] in heaven praying for me & all who had cared for him, including his parents. I understood I would spend eternity with those whom I had helped, hurt, hated, & loved.
Everyone on earth is connected spiritually. I would spend eternity with ignored & neglected souls. God as perfect love gives mercy not justice. In eternity we need to fear our own judgment. We will see full effects of our behavior & be stunned by the far-reaching consequences we have set into motion. A simple smile & its blessing will be seen in contrast to the suffering from an unkind remark. We will face thousands of missed opportunities. Heaven is our soul's full exposure to God. Only those who never chose wrongly will live in undiluted joy.
DOVE—Sacred Dove,/ come,/ drink from my soul./ I would be a pool,/ still,/ pure enough for you to bathe./ Letting failures,/ all outcomes sink,/ what can I rise up/ for your splashing?/ My gifts,/ You gave./ I am,/ was Yours,/ Let us share sunbeams,/ a single graceful note,/ baby's soft caress./ Alone/ unmoving/ my life's task ful-filled/ if You can bathe and rest.
Faithfulness/ Self-control—One afternoon I laid a small boy on his back for a relaxation session; I made him comfortable. As I bent over and gazed at him, I was suddenly looking in to the face of Jesus. I was fully alert and had my eyes open. By the world's standards, he was unimportant, [unknown in the working, walking, talking, self-caring world]. In heaven's terms, he was a much beloved son.
During worship, I saw that my fellow worshipers had wings. We all have wings; we can serve as angels—agents of God's mercy. My students were angels and agents too, by choosing in heaven to lead lives in need, and providing opportunities for others to grow. Wings diminish on those who choose to accumulate wealth power, and status for personal ends. Wings grow on those who choose to pick up the tasks God lays before them.
END OF MY SLEEVES—I looked at the end of my/ sleeves/ and there I saw God's hands ... I see these hands came equipped/ with arms and eyes and mind and heart [and will, to] ... yet again bring God to Earth.
Despite all blessings, I remain deeply wounded from my dysfunctional childhood. The 1st years with autistic children were difficult, as we struggled to develop helpful techniques. On daily occasions when 5- & 6-year old children hit, kicked, bit, or scratched me, an emotional response ignited. [I had to not lose my temper, & I needed to respond in a sophisticated manner]. After 2 years, I laid it before God, acknowledging that I couldn't leave behind this situation. I was led to look deeper within myself. I saw the huge well of anger I was carrying.
I was so tired of having to stifle my anger. I had worked at forgiveness in the past, but hadn't accomplished much. I sat, clinging to God's arms, & looked at my mother's circumstances with an open heart. Understanding & accepting her circumstances, her own childhood abuse, allowed me to let go of my anger. [After this, I asked], "Had I really forgiven her, & was the anger truly gone?" In the sessions right after, I responded in much the same way as before. After a year of practicing new habits, I discovered the children's aggression no longer triggered anger within me; I could respond in a measured, thoughtful manner. I am grateful for the children's behavior that led to me laying this deep part of myself in God's lap & to being open to seeing my abuser's condition.
ALL OF ME—Come/ come on, come on, come on, come on,/ I would gather you under my arms;/ good and evil,/ life and death,/ love and hatred./ I love thee, I am thee.
Joy—I want to live a life as prayer. Perhaps only for moments at a time, but still a worthy goal. Rather than doing one magnificent thing, I was led instead to focus on the task in front of me. I came to see my work with students as my vocation, in the religious sense. [I was once faced with designing and building equipment for a mobile but very tiny person]. Using all my skills as a woodworker and therapist. I felt deeply centered and engaged. Heaven on earth is found by accepting and transcending whatever we face.
Success isn't guaranteed or required. True happiness lies in learning, being fully engaged in what God wants us to do. Obedience is a term rarely considered in daily life, but it is at the heart of living a spiritual life. [Obedience & being in God's service] elevates life to its most fulfilling level. If our deepest, wordless self is empty, we won't be fulfilled by this world's things. It is possible to reach through fear, suffering, & loss to grab hold of the hem of God's robe. Then our lives are suffused with mercy & we see the loving context of all that is. [The gaps left by ripping out all of the unholy in our lives], purely for the love of God, is filled with bliss. A life applied to seeking God's love, would be met with a flood of grace. A life attuned to that flood vibrates with joy.
[Queries]—How has my work influenced my spiritual journey? How do I see God playing a role in bringing me difficulties or in resolving them? How have children or receivers of care been teachers to me? How can "appropriate expectations be useful in my life or my meeting's life? Why is there so much suffering by innocent children? How would I describe my religious experience? How do I understand heaven? How do I respond [to the idea that some are called to] have great needs and those who have much are called to give to those who have little? How does the statement "There is only justice in the next world" trouble me? How has God moved me here or there in order to make use of me? How have I struggled to forgive someone who has harmed me? What experiences have I had of deep spiritual joy, and what have I understood its source to be?
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391. Getting Rooted: Living in the Cross; a Path to Joy & Liberation (by Brian
Dayton; 2007)
About the Author—Brian Drayton of Weare MM is a plant ecologist working in science education research & a recorded minister in New England YM. He has traveled among Friends with a concern to encourage those who contribute to their meeting’s ministry. He was one of the Quaker Peacebuilders Camp’s originators; it taught Quaker nonviolent action. This essay had its origins in a Connecticut Valley Quarterly Meeting presentation.
Thou has sown a precious seed, and planted a noble vine by thine own hand, and given us a root of life, the foundation of our faith … Robert Barclay
What Does it Mean for us to “Find our Quaker Roots?”—The fruits of live lived more powerfully, humbly, & faithfully are urgently needed. The root zone of a plant is a dynamic area of growth, exploration, & stability. We feel a need for firmer footing or for nourishment that is lacking. In common parlance, “finding my roots” connotes a quest to become better acquainted with family history. Most Friends searching for spiritual roots aren’t Quakers by heritage. We resemble 1st-generation Friends, [who came to Quakerism in adulthood]. We lack a deep, wordless education that can come from immersion in a culture’s rhythms & boundary-keeping rituals. Roots are an integral part of the plant body, and the flows of life-materials are always going on in 2 direction, from the roots to the shoot, and from the shoot to the roots.
[Intellectual Approach & Tentative Discoveries]—If we see our search for roots primarily as intellectual, we run the risk of [a purely] external experience. In a superficial, acquisitive approach, we fail to test the meaning & to be transformed by the truthfulness of the things that we encounter when “seeking our roots.” We are more likely to make progress in the quest to explore our roots if we recognize from the outset that such a search has a complex & fluid nature. If we aren’t mindful of the tentative condition of our discoveries, we can find ourselves caught in a cycle where resolution alternates with backsliding, [with its risk of] discouragement & loss of vision.
Such frustration is not a new phenomenon in Friendly experience; [Job Scott and John Woolman write of such experiences]: “I awoke with joy … that I had escaped imminent danger. But all proved insufficient to induce a re-engagement for reformation … My accuser, and yet my best friend, tormented me both day and night, yet in all tender love, in order to redeem my precious soul … [Job Scott]. “The Lord had been very gracious, and spoke peace to me in the time of my distress, and I now most ungratefully turned again to folly. At times I felt sharp reproof, but I did not get low enough to cry for help.” [John Woolman].
The waves of the incoming tide may recede, but they leave evidence of the higher level they have reached, suggesting that the water may rise to that height again. The residue of sweetness, of invitation that came from the occasional taste of Truth and freedom, kept him at least a little tender, a little accessible to further contact with the Light. Robert Barclay wrote: “I felt a secret power among them which touched my heart, and as I gave way unto it, I found the evil weakening in me and the good raised up, and so I became thus knit and united unto them, hungering more and more after the increase of this Power and Life.”
We are all likely, from time to time, to feel we have traveled farther toward faithfulness than we have. I can sometimes see & say more than I have actually experienced. If we aren’t alert to this possibility, [any progress we make can seem] an illusion, scrolling past for my reassurance. The Apostle Paul writes: “I find a law that when I would do good, evil is present with me … I see another law in my members, warring against the law of my mind.”
Within hours of some peak of clarity, some moment of stress may come, & I react in anger or defensiveness. [I concentrate more on] taking the sense of blessing & reward [of right action] & let it feed my soul, rather than letting a subsequent stumbling demoralize me. [With their inconsistencies] Christians have always been both the best & the worst advocates for Christianity. The many selves we are (& wish to be, & have been) are “present in solution,” & the boundaries between one version of ourselves & another grow thin. With all our selves present, we can move more freely toward concern, toward integrity, inward to God, & outward to our brothers & sisters.
It is important to avoid the other trap, which is to discount the growth that has actually occurred, [or to feel that] we cannot recreate some impossible ideal from the past.
The temptation to admire others’ witness while avoiding our own is not new to our time. [John Browning said]: “I thought I might have felt some secret virtue in the place where George Fox had stood and preached, whom I believe was a good man. Whilst I stood there, I was secretly informed, that … virtue is not to be communicated by dead things … but by the power of God, who is the fountain of living virtue.” While we must avoid being in uncritical thrall to the past’s shadow (whether idealizing it or resisting it), I believe we have much to learn from Quaker of previous eras. Much depends on where we are standing when we seek to make our judgments and our choices about the way forward and about the way we are to be.
Living in the Cross: Becoming Rooted in the Life—The crucial ingredient for linking aspiration and vision with reality, for linking profession and possession, is a method for moving from where we are to where we hope to be. Our roots must be fixed in the experience of being worked upon by the living God. Friends have spoken of this as living in the Cross. 2 things seem very useful for understanding what it means to “live in the Cross”: knowing “Jesus Christ and him crucified”; “demonstration of the Spirit and of power.”
Friends have taught that if we are to benefit from the Christ event, we must experience it in our lives, day by day as way opens. The 1st Friends had a sense of the presence of the Christ life at work in everyone—though to some degree this life was oppressed, a suffering Seed in those who weren’t faithful. Even the smallest positive response on our part would mean more power being made available to us. Isaac Penington writes: “The power meets it, embraces it, appears to it, & manifests itself in it, proportional to its present capacity & condition.”
Living in the Cross means participating in a process of liberation from things, feelings, & beliefs that may give us a sense of security, but that also keep us bound & compelled in need & fear. In a spiritual sense, it is the death of some aspects of ourselves so that God can raise up new Life in us. [There is fearing the death of “not being,” (physical death), & the death of “not-counting” (being without social value). Everyday concerns may be remote from the threat of total annihilation, but they can trigger “fight” or “flight” responses that are instinctive in us for bodily preservation. The fear of being excluded, dismissed, or ridiculed is very real & shapes our actions.
The 1st step is to be open, in some little degree, to the idea that something is amiss: to become tender and teachable. When we suspect some place in ourselves where the Life of God is oppressed, blocked, or denied, we have a new opportunity to make a choice for that Life or against it. The Quaker response is simple but subtle and very hard to do in any sustained fashion. It is a great temptation to mistake the moment of sudden insight for real understanding. In our moments of “Aha,” we can see where the problem lies—but there may be much yet to discover about how the problems connect to other parts of our personalities and habits. The key is not to rush to conclusion or action, but always to mind the Light 1st and foremost, waiting to feel the Presence, quiet and peaceful, and to receive assurance of the love and light that God sheds freely.
[Stirrings of life in the heart]—Penington writes: “Here is the great deceit of man; he looks for a great, manifest power in or upon him to begin with, & doth not see how the power is in the little weak stirrings of life in the heart.” By keeping our hand on the plow, we begin to find & feel the work of the Cross. [It isn't an act in any form]. It is an experience of the heart, soul, mind, and body, in which we participate. [And we must wait for it expectantly]. In this transition of expectant waiting for the moment of illumination, there is learning. [I have] sometimes felt safe enough to admit how the anger has some history, even some utility, which has made it part of my toolkit and my personality.
We should not cling to the feelings and thoughts that arise too long, or they may prevent us from reaching the Presence. James Naylor writes: “Art thou in the Darkness? Mind it not, for if thou dost it will fill thee, but stand still and act not, and wait in patience till Light arises out of Darkness to lead thee.” We can find ourselves struggling against change, feeling reluctant to become, even in a small matter, a new person. Inward experience is just the harrowing of the field to make way for fresh growth from the True Vine.
Until you have been able to look at your current problem in the love of Christ, you are not likely to see the true value of your plans and resolutions. In minding the Light and not your trouble, I believe that in time you will find yourself relinquished from the grip of the problem and drawn more strongly to a new way of life, able to live into a new habit of mind. [You can find a way to] not be its slave anymore]. Even with a small advance towards the Light, I am better able to see how darkness had some hold on me and the nature of that bondage.
Living in the Cross means one passes through death to a newness of life. In one’s own measure and sphere, one participates in the drama of salvation whose great signs are Calvary and the empty; it is the Lamb’s war as you & I can live it. The presence is ever less veiled, which brings judgment and healing, establishes perspective, tends to humility & patience, strengthens compassion, & enriches [our perceptions] of beauty, purity, & mercy. Coming into this place, we find that God is at work as an active spirit. Allowing ourselves to move away from the center of the story, we are shown coherence and simplicity, and our openings are put to the test beyond the boundaries of our inner arena; we learn experimentally. George Fox wrote: “Friends, whatever you are addicted to, the Tempter will come in that thing. After you see your thoughts and the temptations, do not think but submit. Stand still in the Light and submit to it, and the other will be hushed and gone. Then contentment comes.”
The Test of Practice—When Paul characterizes the power of God and human wisdom in opposition to each other, he is thinking of God as re-creator, the transformer of human lives. The power is that which can transform us from the inside out. Our testimony that God is alive and at work must come in our living, and in fact it is finally in the test of practice that we can learn the meaning of our openings. If I say, “[I think] I’m a Quaker, so I am living the Quaker way,” we may be a counsel of no-change. In such a condition, I am in fact limiting the motion of the Spirit or “covering the Seed” with too much earth and keeping it down.
The antidote isn't to leap into action, but renew our connection with the Living God. Penington writes: “All true religion hath a true root … It isn't enough to hear of Christ … [One must] feel him my root, my life, my foundation.” With the fresh understanding gained in the school of Christ, we have a keener perception of where that of God may be found in ourselves and others as well as a renewed eagerness to seek it and remain within it.
Living in the Cross requires an actual change. A breakthrough comes if we do not overreach, but stay low and teachable. We must be willing to be foolish with respect to human reckoning, and this can be hard. We must in all honesty fail to perform brilliantly as we would wish, but instead we find ourselves drawn into worshipful waiting, [seeking] to preserve our inward attention. If we work on seeking openly and do not rush to answers, speaking and living with more truthful adherence to what we have found, we will find that we are changed. Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, generosity, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control are the fundamental fruits which we can hope to see growing in us.
Growth of the Spirit also brings with it a power of sympathy & an enlargement of our ability to listen. As we grow in our understanding, we become increasingly aware of many shapes that the darkness can take, the many ways we shut out God’s love, & our reasons for sorrow are multiplied & intensified. Even the smallest step for-ward brings a reward of strength & delight. Joy is part of his life’s gift as is mourning, 2 sides of the same coin.
Rooted in Life, We Find Community—Through striving in the Spirit and being instructed by it, we tap the resources that allow us to love, to pray inwardly and in action, to overcome hurt, and to enact a true Gospel. We can learn from others by approaching our differences from that place of compassion that enriches all our faculties of mind and heart. We need to not dismiss or withdraw from what we find alien, but to wait with it in our peculiarly Quaker way, which is an active, questioning, engaged listening. While the official canon of Scripture was settled long ago, we are in some sense still living the latest chapters of the acts of the Apostles.
Through living and speaking this story of the power that Light and love can exert over dark, Friends have found the messages that need to be spoken to their times. We can see and say how so much of what people do is beside the point, how much of human effort contributes to an oppression that can only be lifted by opening to the Light. We can name the hard things, having been empowered to confront hard things in ourselves. We can testify out of the joy and labor of our inward experience and out of our experiments in turning the inward experience of Life into outward words and deeds.
Rooted in Life, in Community, We Take our Share in the Work of the Mystical Body—In the beginning of the 12th month [1758] I joined … in visiting such as had slaves … The Lord was near to me, and preserved my mind in calmness under some sharp conflicts, and begat a spirit of sympathy and tenderness in me towards some who were grievously entangled by the spirit of this world. John Woolman
The inward work that I have been speaking of is the root of true qualification for ministry. Our service in love is indeed a gift and service that arises from the spiritual Body which our community is part of. We can draw strength from other kinds of rootedness: community; tradition; and scripture. Skepticism about ministry is reasonable, because much so-called ministry of word or deed is not rooted in the experience I have been meditating upon in this essay. [John Woolman writes of those who share in the experience of the Life]: “Some glances of real beauty may be seen in their faces who dwell in true meekness. There is a harmony in the … voice to which Divine love gives utterance, and right order in their temper and conduct.”
If we believe that our spiritual experience isn’t entirely a personal chemical disturbance, & is available to anyone who seeks it, we capture some of our experiences in words & offer them to others for encouragement, invention, challenge, or surprise. Do you make space in daily life for a time of retirement, in which you wait until you are no longer contemplating yourself but come to where you can reach beyond yourself to the living Other? In that practice, & in growing obedience to the One we meet there, we are truly getting back to the Root.
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About the Author—Margery Mears Larrabee, a member of Mt Holly Meeting in New Jersey, is a teacher, leader, & facilitator of workshops & retreats. She is an elder & minister in Friends General Conference’s Traveling Ministries Program. She has served on several worship & ministry committees. She has authored 2 pamphlets.
[Introduction]—What is Spirit-led eldering? Spirit-led eldering uses a sacred point of view that can penetrate any experience, any structure, & situation, and help us to regain or maintain our capacity for being spiritually grounded and faithfully connected to the Spirit. It is offering spiritual leadership, to support and encourage the life of the Spirit in an individual or group. No particular act or behavior in itself qualifies as Spirit-led eldering.
Spirit-led eldering is in the genre with restorative justice, affirmative inquiry, appreciative listening, and servant leadership. The emphasis here is on giving attention to our substance, our true nature, as a basis for resolving any issues with our shadow. Being spirit-led is key. Without having this intention we are likely to speak merely from our self-centered thoughts and feeling or from unresolved personal issues. The point is to discern the best way to be used in the service of the Spirit.
Spirit-led eldering can be either spontaneous or intentional. It is essential and integral to our Quaker way of faith and practice. We may have been fearful not only of seeking and trusting the Spirit but also of taking the steps to prepare ourselves to be an adequate channel, or to act in an intrusive or socially acceptable way. Structures providing a container and an opportunity for Spirit-led eldering are the nominating committee, care and oversight committee, spiritual friendships, teaching, meeting for worship, and clearness committee.
Paramount in Spirit-led eldering is the Spirit’s accepted presence & of someone listening, having learned that remaining faithful to the relationship with the Spirit is primary. The opportunity for Spirit-led eldering is often unexpected. We need to be prepared by our discipline & practice to carry out Spirit-led eldering. Sandra Cronk emphasizes that eldering’s purpose isn’t to prove another wrong, but to move toward greater faithfulness together.
From the early gathered Quaker community, mature, spiritually-grounded persons emerged as guides. These discerning Friends began to live out the eldering function. They were called elders as a term for their function, not as an office they filled. In time individuals within meetings were assigned responsibility for maintaining Friends’ values and the distinctive Quaker way of life. These individuals became over-vigilant, caught up in hierarchy, criticalness, and heavy-handedness. The authentic affirmation and the positive power of Spirit-led truth-telling and plain-speaking have been essential to my spiritual journey.
Early Examples of Eldering—John Richardson was approached by William Penn after speaking at length in meeting for worship. Penn said that they “were willing and easy to give way to this Truth.” This is an example of mentoring and evoking gifts. In the early 18th century, there were “overseers that carried out the eldering function,” guided by queries and prayerful discernment, [resulting in either] letters of repentance or removal from formal membership in the meeting. Samuel Bownas followed Quaker customs of dress and attended worship, but in his heart he cared much more for pleasure. [He was specifically called to account by a young minister, and felt like Saul on the road to Damascus; it turned his life around and inspired him to ministry]. I see this admonishment as righteous judgment and correction that flowed out of a Spirit-led ministry.
How does the authority of the Spirit break through our social conventions for its own purposes in ways we haven’t yet understood? Are we open & receptive to such possibilities? What I find compelling and inspiring about the lives of early Friends is their mutual and active desire to be accountable for the spiritual health, nurture, and behavior of members, attenders and the meeting as a whole. A Friends meeting is intended to be so much more than a loose association of individuals on separate and private spiritual journeys. We let go of the idea that we have only private lives and hold ourselves accountable to the authority of the Spirit in the life of the meeting.
[In a dispute between Friends over water rights, where one Friend dammed up the waterway, many methods were tried to resolve the dispute, including the classical Biblical ones. One of the Friends asked:] What could possibly be done that would likely have the desired effect? It “was presented to him that he should go wash his neighbor’s feet.” [He himself resisted the idea, as did his neighbor, but they finally submitted and a great, lasting change came over them both, far beyond settling the water rights dispute].
[Queries]: To what extent are we willing to give priority to creating and maintaining right relationship with the Spirit and with each other? Are we open to inspiration leading to unfamiliar and extraordinary acts? Can we go beyond what seems fair and right in an ordinary way? Do we look 1st to changing ourselves with restoration and healing? How are we being challenged?
Eldering Today—The implications of Spirit-led eldering are based on a concern for the wholeness of the person and the meeting. [Eldering based solely on the “usual order” of the meeting takes away the freedom of the Spirit and comes off as a reprimand]. If there are strong negative reactions, they may be eldering, or they may be strong responses to a personal need. Encounters like that inspired a minute that called us to listen, hear, and be open to any genuine, heartfelt messages of a person’s spiritual journey.
Spiritual discernment allows for reflective space between the perception of the need for eldering and the actual carrying out of the eldering function. Spirit-led eldering strives to include whole persons and whole situations, accepted and understood in their fullness. The eldering function is more effective when it does not unnecessarily stir up defensiveness and hurt. It is equally important for eldering persons to remain faithful to their leadings and not to base their approaches solely on the anticipated response of the recipients.
Comments made at the rise of meeting are simply that—comments. The eldering function in depth requires a deep and intimate exchange that includes finding out what the situation is like for the person being eldered. The [full] process would provide participants with an opportunity to engage each other, in person, and in the Spirit. The important point is to remain open to the Spirit and to let our imaginations and creativity be touched by it so that we may be led to meet the occasion appropriately and helpfully. [Once, when many spoke and there was little or no worshipful time between speaking], I found myself standing up, remaining wordless for a time; standing has historic precedent among Friends.
The power of being spirit-led can lead us to behave in a creative way unique to the assembled body and to the moment. Our behavior in a similar situation should not be repeated simply because it has been helpful in the past. A large meeting I was attended designated ½ an hour at each monthly meeting for business to be spent listening to individuals’ concerns or witness on same-gender commitments.
The process continued for 1 ½ years, with 7 years of discussion preceding it. People opened up and found themselves saying things about themselves they hadn’t realized before. A sense of the meeting finally emerged, with a persistent voice of opposition. The clerk reminded us that arriving at the sense of the meeting did not require unanimity; we approved a minute and came to closure. In this process Friends sought to accept and understand each other’s human experience, even when they did not agree.
Queries—[In the face of unaware and repetitive comments in opposition to the sense of the meeting], is a forceful “Sit down” an appropriate interruption and helpful to the meeting? Was there a missed opportunity for nurturing & discernment prior to the actual business session to relate to the disagreeing Friend?
Special Opportunities for Eldering: Transfer of Membership—Friends have beliefs, principles, testimonies, and processes to consider and explore. The meeting for membership process presents numerous opportunities to practice Spirit-led eldering, including accountability. Here it is concerned with beginning to nurture a deep connection, understanding and trust in the Spirit. After 2 years of sojourning at a new meeting, I was contacted by a member of their membership committee. She shared the concern that I should move membership as soon as I was spiritually ready [to leave my Washington D. C. meeting after 33 years]. Her meeting with me showed that the meeting was aware and caring and faithful to its responsibilities. Showing this kind of respect, dignity, and value for what may need to happen in a critical and caring process is essential for meaningful eldering.
Queries—As we meet in an appropriate time and space, do we have in mind 1st to listen, to understand, and to accept the other person’s present situation? Are we prepared for an outcome of either mutual agreement or mutual disagreement? Are we mindful of and turned to the Spirit throughout our exchange?
Application for Membership—The process of application for membership can be a unique opportunity to explore in depth hard questions about faith and other matters that are germane to Quaker faith and practice. A scientist came to meeting who appeared to feel that the meeting for worship was fertile ground to win people over to his perspective. He met with a group at the clerk’s home and [shared at length his life story of religious faith, betrayal, and his finding salvation in science]. When the clerk shared her own experience with Quaker faith and practice, he listened in disbelief and abruptly left the house. Although Friends would have welcomed further dialogue and relationship with him, he chose to leave.
Queries—Can we give priority to finding the energy and time for an extended eldering process when it seems called for? How are we nurturing our capacity for plain speaking that emerges from the clear, centered, and caring place in which we are empowered to do this kind of eldering? Are we ready to trust the Spirit and give up expectations about outcomes? Are we willing to provide a rigorous membership process that brings applicants to their own understanding of Friends’ faith and practice, and provides a solid beginning to their experience in the meeting?
Nominating Committee/ How to Elder—[In the nominating process, with its deadlines & shortage of candidates], it is tempting to use a secular approach to get the job done. The committee has the opportunity to discern gifts & leadings of individuals & offer [positions] that fit appropriately for the benefit of the person & the meeting. [When done this way the committee may call itself] “a committee for the discovery of gifts & leadings.” Using such a process, there is a greater likelihood of committee work being in line with the Spirit & the meeting’s spiritual life. Nominating committees may encourage the formation of small groups for the discernment of gifts.
Queries—How may each of us seek to do the inner work needed to become more prepared, ready to respond to others in the service of the Spirit in our community? How are we paying attention, blessing, calling forth, & nurturing our own & each other’s gifts as we support the work of the nominating committee?
What do people say when they are eldering? There is no 1 dialogue, no 1 way to speak, no 1 context in which eldering happens. We reach out to others from this spiritual consciousness with a desire to hold all in alignment with Spirit. Eldering is most deeply effective when the work is done from a spiritual consciousness, regardless of any annoyance or anger that may have led up to it. The eldering function flows out of our sensitivity to inner guidance & spiritual perception. One needs to be careful not to let preconceived ideas close off awareness.
The Internal Dialogue—A basic assumption underlying Spirit-led eldering is that the same Light is in all; that Light in one person may answer the Light in another. When one is led to live out the eldering function, a dialog in which one listens and responds to the authority of the Inner Light is primary.
Queries—Where is the Spirit in this matter? Am I coming from a centered place? Am I open to continual discernment and guidance? Am I prepared [to love, to affirm as well as confront], to embrace both the substance and shadow within the person and relate to that totality, not just to the particular concern? Is my desire to be right or to make the situation right?
Am I clear that eldering is for supporting one another in keeping with the Spirit out of which good order comes, not to bring change? Am I sufficiently receptive & attentive to the Spirit that I am ready to be used as an instrument, in whatever unusual way opens? Are there times when I know to wait until a problem behavior by repetition clearly becomes a fault?
The intention of Spirit-led eldering is for both persons to be in right relationship with each other. Isaac Penington’s queries for troubled relationships include: “Is the thing or things which thou hast against him fully so as thou apprehendest? Hast thou seen evil in him, or to break forth from him? Hast thou … in tender love and meekness of spirit, laid the thing before him? Hast thou tenderly mentioned to others, and desired them to go with thee to him, that what is evil and offensive in him might be more weightily and advantageously laid before him for his humbling and recovery? If thou has let in any hardness of spirit, or hard reasonings against him, the witness of God will not justify thee in that.
Listening/ The Mystery of Eldering—Douglas Steere wrote: “To ‘listen’ another’s soul into a condition of disclosure and discovery may be almost the greatest service that any human being ever performs for another.” “Human listening then becomes what it is: a preciously thin point in the membrane where the human and divine action can be felt to mingle.” There is a God-given knowing and wisdom within each of us to be brought forth. The listener gives up expectations about outcome and simply trusts. As we discern our places within the eldering process, we are frequently led to be nondirective, [but we must still] remain open to being called to more directive or forceful approaches as the Spirit works through us in unpredictable ways.
For me, eldering is not so much something we do as it is something we are. When eldering is mindful of whether persons, circumstances, and situations are in or not in alignment with the Spirit, then we can be guided to function accordingly. We take great risks in allowing any worshiper to offer spoken ministry in meeting for wor-ship and in our commitment to love each other as part of our meeting.
Today among Friends, we find considerable concern that any desire to elder be taken first to a committee. With equal soundness, a concerned person may wish to turn to the other meeting structures mentioned here for the same desire. The most important thing is our intention to be Spirit-led & to stay connected & nurtured by our faith community. Ron Selleck wrote: Both an unspiritual, [rigid] rigor and unspiritual laxity are destructive of life.”
The Spirit will bless our investment in the life of the meeting and our expectation that ways will open. During the surprising, disarming times, a connection is made with God-given wisdom and insight, [and Truth is conveyed]. The Spirit may also break through in wonderfully admonishing [and surprising] ways, through surprising people. Our awareness of God breaking through and discovering ourselves in a moment of alignment with the Spirit is an indefinable, uncontrollable and unpredictable mystery.
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393. Rebecca Janney Timbres Clark: Turned in the Hand of God (by Lyndon S.
Back; 2007)
About the Author—Lyndon Back grew up in the care of Haddonfield (NJ) MM; she attended Haddonfield Friends School & George School. She married in 1960 & divorced in 1978. She became Director of Planned Giving at AFSC. In 1998, she followed a call from God and joined a peace team working in Serbia and Kosovo; she was there for 3 years. One day at Swarthmore Friends Historical Library, she discovered a book by Rebecca & Harry Timbres. The book affected her deeply and she began to research the life of Rebecca Janney Timbres Clark.
[Introduction]—Rebecca Janney Timbres Clark was a nurse, humanitarian, social activist, wife, mother, educator & author. Her journey took her from a sheltered Quaker upbringing in Baltimore to Europe’s war-torn regions at WWI’s end. She served in Russia & India as well as in her own country. Rebecca lived creative tension between Utopia & every day [reality], earnest devotion & joyful abandon, adventure & the longing for a normal life.
Rebecca’s year as a volunteer for the American Friends Service Committee (AFSC) in Poland at the 1st World War’s end formed a crucible, a transformation. What drew her to leave comfort & safety for the unknown? What nourished [& sustained] her spirit? Rebecca’s writing from that period, fresh, open, & candid, offers a rare opportunity to follow the development of a young Quaker woman in the early days of the 20th century.
Background/ The Call—Rebecca Sinclair Janney was born May 6, 1896, the younger of 2 daughters. Her parents, O. Edward Janney & Anne Webb Janney were members of Baltimore MM; her mother’s mother helped start Swarthmore. Rebecca was sent to Goucher College & Columbia University’s Teachers’ College. [2 classes of note were English & home nursing]. The English subject of note was Rabindranath Tagore’s writings. She played her guitar, “Jonah,” & delighted in opera, attending Boris Godunov, Rigoletto, Lohrengrin, & Madame Butterfly. She was athletic, & received congratulations & acceptance from teammates for winning a swim meet.
The Great War broke out in 1914, & coincided with Rebecca’s college years. When the US entered the war on April 6, 1917, representatives from the Religious Society of Friends’ several branches acted quickly. The AFSC began on May 11, 1917; Vincent Nicholson was the 1st executive secretary. Board chairman Rufus Jones, organized an emergency unit of conscientious objectors. The 1st 100 volunteers joined British Friends working in France under the Red Cross. Joint British American missions continued into the period of post-war reconstruction.
Women volunteers were welcomed from the beginning. Rebecca recalls applying to AFSC in the fall of 1917, though there is no record of her application. Rebecca said: “It may have been Vincent Nicholson who 1st put the thought of becoming a nurse into my head.” The thought of nursing had no appeal at 1st. She wrote: “There is nothing I’d rather do than have a young, peppy, idealistic, commonsense American fall madly in love with me … marry, settle down more or less … Careers are splendid, but a normal life is the great one.”
A woman who returned from the fighting in France spoke at Union Seminary. “She spoke of the need for nurses … As I listened … I was lifted outside of myself & felt placed in God’s hand, which turned me, not my body, but my spirit … I was returned to my body knowing that God wanted me [as] a nurse. [I felt joy & ecstasy] for days afterwards.” The path she saw clearly before her would be clouded with distractions & unexpected obstacles.
Preparation—In the fall, after a summer of classes, Rebecca entered Presbyterian Hospital in Philadelphia for 2 of practical training. Hospitals were overflowing with victims of the Spanish flu and there was great need for nurses. Rebecca resented the way she was treated. Her sense of humor and resilient spirit kept her going. Rebecca’s older sister Nell encouraged her not to give up, and [provided refuge for her up in Media].
B.A. Thomas was 18 years older than Rebecca, a Quaker and a widower with 3 children. Rebecca was not ready to step into the picture of domestic tranquility that he offered. She declined his proposal of marriage. In the summer of 1920, Rebecca applied to a volunteer with the AFSC, which was deeply involved in relief and reconstruction projects throughout Europe and Russia.
The executive secretary Wilbur Thomas persuaded her to go to Poland, where there was a joint British/ American Friends mission. She told B.A. of her calling. They agreed to postpone the decision until she returned from Poland. Rufus Jones confessed that one of the most difficult challenges was to figure out what AFSC’s true mission would be & to how to select the right people for the work. The people who spread out through war-tor n Europe to bring a “service of love in wartime” did not proselytize. Applicants to the AFSC were required to be healthy, willing & able to do physical work, & to come from a solid family background; Rebecca measured up nicely.
The Journey/ The Quaker Mission in Poland—It took almost 2 weeks to travel from New York to Liverpool and then on to Warsaw in postwar Europe. After crossing Germany by train, having been stopped at many checkpoints, her luggage searched by suspicious soldiers, and getting very little sleep, she had developed a nasty sore throat and cold. She arrived in Warsaw at 4:30 in the morning on February 21, 1921. Rebecca awoke in a city that was struggling under weight of a million tragedies which confronted her down every street and on every corner. [She was especially affected by the poor health of the children].
The Russians had retreated leaving scorched earth behind; central Poland was a barren landscape of trampled earth with few trees or villages intact. As thousands more refugees returned to Poland, a new crisis arose; they brought typhus. The small band of Quaker volunteers attacked disease with ruthless but effective measures, implementing a model used by the American Relief Administration and the Red Cross. [Quakers also worked in distributing goods, restoring the land and buildings, and organizing cottage industries].
The Red Army returned to eastern Poland in 1920 and retreated again, [laying waste to the Lublin district]. Disruption, disorganization, and discouragement developed among the Mission volunteers. There was concern about lack of leadership in the Mission. William Fogg, an American Quaker businessman was recruited to help organize the unit. Rebecca immediately noticed friction in the team. Fogg seemed overwrought and depressed and caved into staff pressure. The British volunteers were not all Quakers.
Rebecca was to be part of the Cotton Seed Meal (CSM) Project, which was intended to feed starving cows and help increase the milk supply. The farmers would pay by supplying orphanages and children’s homes. Rebecca was to visit where children were, take an inventory of how many children were in each facility and how much milk they were getting. She traveled several hours to Lublin alone, arriving at midnight and finding her own way to her quarters. She was able to organize a women’s committee with the help of Princess Woroniecka to make contacts with the orphanages and distribute milk.
She spent sleepless nights examining her feelings for B.A. She prayed & received the thought “look for his soul, not his body.” Rebecca feasted on letters. She wrote to her parents, to her sister, & to B.A., whose letters she read & reread. One letter said: “I believe only because of the fulfillment of an ideal, she will always remain enshrined in my heart & soul.” Rebecca’s ability to laugh at herself helped her adjust to difficult surroundings. As winter gave way to spring, the coldness she had experienced from members of the unit began to thaw & her social life improved. From time to time Rebecca would be given nursing duties. In a very short time she had become something of an expert on the CSM Project. Rebecca was called in to brief visiting ARA & Red Cross officials.
Courtship—The end of April she noticed a new volunteer. His name was Harry Timbres and he had just arrived in Warsaw. “He doesn’t seem too exciting a type.” They went together on a bicycle trip and got lost and rained on. Throughout the next month Rebecca traveled back and forth visiting children’s institutions [for the CSM Project]. [Harry showed great interest in Rebecca, much like a courtship]. Rebecca was not sure what to do about Harry, whose attentions she did not take very seriously; he was several years younger.
The hectic schedule demanded of Rebecca allowed little time for reflection. Although she felt Spirit-guided during her work in Poland, she missed sadly the opportunity for more quiet meditation. Konstanin, a beautiful village just a few miles from Warsaw, was a favorite place for rest, relaxation, & retreat. She & Harry found time to be alone together reading Tagore’s poetry & talking. She wrote: “Harry looked at me as no man has ever looked at me before & I had the strangest feeling … Surely I’m not in love with this boy just out of college.”
Rufus Jones and Wilbur Thomas from AFSC and Harrison Barrow and Frederick Roundtree from Quaker Service arrived for “Representatives Day.” In the afternoon the volunteers learned that work in Poland would be winding down by the end of the year. Harry was excited by the prospect of being reassigned. Rebecca told B.A. not to come to Vienna for just a marriage proposal.
Anne Janney urged Rebecca not to yield to any impulse but real affection & trust. Anne Janney’s advice to look to B.A.’s soul & heart was the same advice Rebecca had received [from prayer]. [She was to look for someone whose soul was stirred by humanity’s big questions]. Rebecca felt “honor bound” not to commit to Harry until she had seen B.A. face to face. Pulled as she was in several directions, Rebecca maintained her balance by focusing on her work. By July’s end she was doing the nursing she had hoped to do when she 1st volunteered.
Engagement—She asked herself: Do I love him enough? Is he going to prove big enough, strong enough to carry us both? Harry was a convinced Quaker from a poor farming family in Canada. She longed for her parents’ consent & approval. Rufus Jones had been Harry’s professor at Haverford; since he approved of Harry, that was enough for Rebecca’s parents. Rebecca wrote: “I am not radiant, feeling a little uncertain about things.”
Thousands of refugees arrived at the tiny Drohiczen station on freight cars shipped from Russia, [poorly clothed and fed]. Refugee work on this scale was new to her, and the suffering that she saw during that short visit impressed her deeply. During the fall Rebecca wrestled with her mood swings. “I was not in the best of humors, fairly sure that I did not want to marry a man who could not argue without raising his voice and losing his sense of humor and politeness.” Other times she was “radiantly joyful, and so much at peace.”
Rebecca wrote to her family: “The Light has been shown me & I must go to Russia. If Hal can’t go, I must go anyway. [Harry wrote a similar letter to Rufus Jones]. Harry emphasized their love, their engagement, while Rebecca was still thinking as an individual. They had to wait until the end of February. Harry couldn’t be spared from the CSM Project, & Rebecca was nursing Mary Tatum, the unit physician, who had contracted typhus.
Crisis & Transformation/ Epilogue—There was no cure for typhus. The only “treatment” was to build up the patient & strengthen the heart with injections of insulin, camphor & strychnine in order to withstand the crisis when the fever dropped & strain was put on the heart. Rebecca & Harry worked well together. Harry was a staunch, willing assistant [with the patient’s physical needs]. Rebecca wrote: “Tonight Dr. Tatum died … She held out her hand blindly & Hal took hold of it … I am sure it was God working through Hal who saved her for us. After 4 hours she relaxed his hand … The crisis is over & her heart came through nobly, Love, Bocca, (who has just witnessed a miracle).” Dr. Tatum said that someone had hold of her & would not let her go. [Rebecca thought it was Harry].
A new tone was evident in Rebecca’s letters following Mary Tatum’s crisis & recovery: “Hal is such a dear, but I’m not blind to his faults nor he to mine, thank goodness. It looks as if we [are] building a solid foundation.” It wasn’t until late February that Rebecca & Harry were able to leave for a vacation in the Austrian Alps. On March 21, 1922 a cable was received with her parents’ approval, but they didn’t come to the wedding, which took place on March 24 in the free city of Gdansk, with special permission from the Danzig Senate. There was a Friends meeting ceremony where Rebecca stayed when she 1st came to Warsaw. 2 days later they boarded the train to Moscow. Harry would work on famine relief & Rebecca Janney Timbres would nurse, possibly typhus.
Harry and Rebecca returned to the US in the fall of 1922. Harry graduated from Johns Hopkins School of Medicine in 1928. They worked for 3 years in India with Tagore. In the summer of 1936, Harry sailed for the Soviet Union, followed by the family 2 months later; they settled in Marbumstroy on the Volga River. In the spring of 1937 Harry contracted typhus. Rebecca nursed him in their log cabin apartment with no running water and an outside toilet. He died in a hospital on May 12. Rebecca buried Harry in his “beloved Russia” before returning to America. Rebecca received her Master’s degree in social work from Columbia University in 1941 and served as Dean of nursing at Meherry Medical College in Nashville, Tennessee. She married Edgar Clark in 1943 and moved with him to Honolulu. She practiced medical social work there until his death in 1961. She then lived in Medford Leas, a Friends retirement home in New Jersey, where she died in 2000 at the age of 103.
Queries: What were the factors that contributed to your development? What role have close personal relationships played in the formation of your character? What sense of call or leading has drawn you to the present role you play in the world?
I practiced healing touch for others, which gave me [only] the illusion of power at the expense of my functionality. I learned to use prayer for guidance. [I had a prayer-conversation with God, where I asked for help with a support-group friend who would call late at night and talk for 90 minutes. God walked me through what to do and promised to support both me and my friend]. Praying for friends like Ann, I came to a deeper level of compassion, a deeper commitment to present positive alternatives to their self-destructive choices, and the courage to love the unlovable enough to take firm action.
Taking My Hand Off the Trigger/ Learning God’s Will—[While I made progress in interrupting the onset of hallucinations & reducing medication, I realized that] I needed to stop doing things that triggered whooshing. Praying, instead of helping to prevent hallucinations, began to cause them. I offered God a year without prayer. The thought “5 years” came unbidden. I prayed” “I dedicate every act I do in the next 5 years to you. Help me pray with my life.” I made many mistakes, but for 6 years prayer & hallucination happened monthly rather than nightly. Before meeting for worship I formed the intention of simply being in God’s presence.
I sensed God’s presence in everything. I trusted that help would come without my having to ask. Hannah Whitall Smith’s method for determining God’s will included: Checking Scripture; Checking against common sense; Checking with wise friends; Checking reality [way opening]; Minding the stops. Within 6 years, I was able to pray without hallucinating. God was faithful.
Discovering Demons—In January 1994, I was able to pray “Please, let it be possible for me to tell you I love you without hallucinating”; I knew I had prayed in the spirit. The next morning I awoke and sensed that something wanted me to open my mouth so it could leave. My mind’s eye saw a shadowed form uncoil from the center of my brain. [For more than 9 hours, the demon and his baggage left me. I told no one. 7 demons left me, one a week. They decided who would leave when. My longtime guests knew their work was done.
The negative spirits told me their names: Unease with God; Anger; Hurry; Power. A clergyman told me releasing demons was as effective as psychotherapy, and to reflect on why I had originally accepted the demonic. My doing healing touch for others had been as much about power as they had been about caring for my friends. Devils come to us because of our faulty choices in response to strong feelings. Choosing to feel better in the short run, rather than do better and be better in the long run is negative. Changing my ways with friends gave me real power, power that made me less likely to distract myself from the pain of feeling inadequate by doing healing touch. With that change in me, Demon Power knew he could leave.
Releasing a Little Child’s Negativity—Intense hallucinations of conversing with “God” continued after the 7 guests left. A voice in my mind said, “We think you have a negative spirit with the name Raped by God. It doesn’t belong to you … What was your own sexually abusive experience to which this memory attached itself?” I knew that Raped by God came from my best friend, and that my own experience was an older cousin wanting to see me without my clothes when I was about 6. [I came up with some very special affirmations for my little guest, among them,] “Lord, please fill my former guest with an overwhelming sense of your undying, understanding nurture and love.” My husband sat up with me early in the morning, and I repeated that prayer to myself as the little child-spirit left. From that hour to this, I have been able to pray.
A Growing Understanding/ Some Very Special Support Systems—For 5 months, while the demons left me, I had walked outside consensus reality—alone—with only God’s support. I had accepted all these guest-demons from other people. I also had resident demons of my own. Demons seem to remind us of strong contrary feelings about life experiences. An inner spirit is negative when it allows overdeveloped self-interest to rule, or short-term gains for an individual; abuse, dishonesty; murder.
We can un-choose faulty behavior only if we acknowledge our feelings & convert their energy into positive choices. Negative spirits seem to cluster around growing points. Negative spirits may be the force of naked self-interest, here to protect us. We ignore their wisdom at our peril. Being spiritually healthy is like standing [in a see-saw’s center], one foot in light, one in shadow, & balancing there. Positive & negative spirits may help us know exactly what is on each side of the seesaw. [We seek a balance, neither, too self-interested or too compassionate].
My illness suddenly became very much worse. Something wanted me sick. In June I asked my Quaker meeting for a committee of care. There were 2 members of ministry and oversight committee and a Celtic shaman with the gift of discerning spirits. The committee of care met with me every few weeks and prayed for me every night. We spent 45 minutes in worship whenever we met. I was freed by the silence to say what was really happening, and the committee was freed to help me. The shaman was a wise, kind man who valued silence and deeply listened for God’s guidance. He did no harm, and was respectful of the spirits’ need for appropriate celebration, [i.e. communion] of their peaceful departure.
Getting Better/ Trying What Love Will Do—I hoped for an exorcism to dispatch my own resident demons. [Attempts to do so resulted in] long negotiations, after which I would be too tired to release them. I slowly negotiated a peace settlement with my internal voices. I stopped hallucinating nightly & instead heard voices monthly. I needed less effort to reclaim reality. In 1998 I was able to lead ministry and oversight committee through a period of division and hurt feelings. I still hallucinated that a one-time friend came to apologize. Finally, one night I despaired of letting of the anger through any power of my own and turned to God in prayer. [After a big hallucination that relieved the anger, I found] I was simply regrouping without the usual self-recrimination. [Better yet, I was] not angry at myself—a gift it never occurred to me to ask for.
In 2004, there was a marked increase in whooshing. I couldn’t see that my self-care had lapsed. I decided to pray for my perceived demons. I would love myself, & them as well, into wholeness. I didn’t presume to say what kind of help. The demons within seemed to appreciate prayers. My prayers evolved along these lines [excerpts follow]: “I praise you for sending help to the positive & negative spirits in the universe … I praise you for helping us claim these [expanding] gifts: choosing the positive more; loving & serving & pleasing you more deeply; seeing strong negative feelings more objectively; knowing more [clearly] what we are called to do; choosing to make your will our will; [feeling more strongly the need to love you]. I praise you for [the help of] positive & negative spirits [in highlighting] our growing points. I honor them & their role in your universe & for their work within … I praise you for helping us live out [our love & service of you] rather than our disabilities & maladjustments.”
What Love Has Done/ Learnings/ Epilogue—1st, I hallucinate only twice a year. 2nd, I am much less anxious. 3rd, my positive spirits do more to help me make better choices. 4th, my positive & negative spirits, including new, more objective voices, seem to work together now to bring me more fully into God’s kingdom. This “delusion” on my part has led to more mental & spiritual health. Seldom in my experience, has departure from reality led directly to better mental health, as I have continued to experience it. I pray for both positive & negative spirits, sometimes with thanks for specific work, but I don’t single out positive spirits for special blessings. I decided if I were named & called a negative spirit, I would feel shamed. So I accord honor to my negative spirits. They do not force us to express our feelings in an unwise behavior.
Nowadays I sometimes hear the whooshing. Most of my hallucinations are a process of coming to a deeper objectivity about & unity with what God would have me do. My counselor says I have peace & inner joy. How can I help but feel at peace in a world filled with a loving & redeeming God’s presence? We measure our wholeness in minutes & our brokenness in lifetimes, yet there is wholeness in our choices to do the best thing in spite of strong contrary feelings. Could we bring wholeness to our broken & bleeding planet if we all practiced spiritual nonviolence, & prayed for positive & negative spirits in the universe & for all of us in the world?
[As a committee] we discerned: things which sounded crazy could be true; we could speak truth to Mariellen once we discerned what reality was. Mariellen discovered that it was not God if it led in unhealthy directions.
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396. God Raising us: Parenting as a Spiritual Practice (by Eileen Flanagan; 2008) About the Author—Eileen Flanagan has taught the class “Discerning Our Calls” for the Pendle Hill Resident Study Program and offers weekend workshops. She is the author of Listen with Your Heart: Seeking the Sacred in Romantic Love. She lives in Philadelphia with her spouse and 2 children.
[Introduction]/ New Openings—[Foster parents of an 18-year old deflected the praise they received]: “Everyone is talking like we raised this boy or something. But really God filled him with love and, through this kid, God raised us.” That is as good a description of parenthood as I have heard. My children have helped me find God, not just in silence and solitude, but in the midst of chaos and crying. Parenting is a spiritual practice.
Recognizing this could benefit the Religious Society of Friends as a whole. Nurturing parents’ connection to the Divine will help them in the many ways they serve, especially in kindling their children’s spiritual growth. We have much to offer seeking parents, but if we are insensitive, we risk losing 2 generations at once.
Deciding to become a parent is one of the most consequential matters of discernment that most of us will ever face. For some, way opens quickly and easily for others, only after years of waiting, effort and sometimes loss. I believe Quakers could do more to share with each other how we have felt God’s guidance in these intimate experiences; [that is what I seek to do here]. I had been writing a book for 2 years. I had a dream of a 2-year old and a red-haired infant, in which I let go of the 2-year old. By letting go of the book and reaching for the baby, I was letting go of one phase of my life and reaching for a new one.
I said: “Let’s stop trying not to get pregnant.” I felt we weren’t planning a pregnancy so much as opening to a possibility. I soon became pregnant. Pregnancy taught me to pay attention to my body as a discerning instrument. [I intuitively refrained from taking herbs to deliver “on time.”] 2 weeks past my due date, I had a strong inner sense that God’s guidance was shifting. [I 1st tried natural inducers, & then agreed to be induced by my doctor]. The 1st pregnancy changed the way I experience God’s guidance teaching me to pay attention to my body and my dreams. [My 2nd pregnancy was ecotopic [i.e. in my Fallopian tube] and had to be terminated]. When I got pregnant a 3rd time, I had a profound sense of being dependent on God, groping for the path God wanted me to follow.
An Interconnected Self—Parenthood changed the way I experience my connection to the Divine. As a parent, I started to experience God more through my connections to other people. Nursing felt like a prayer, a give and take that connected me to all life. Sometimes, holding my baby for hours on end made me feel tired rather than transcendent. Having a baby took away daily silent worship. I did feel led to continue writing in the cracks of time when my daughter napped or sometimes when her father was with her. [I prayed for and a few weeks later met a novelist-mother with a daughter my age who shared a child-rearing philosophy with me]. She was a devout atheist who screamed laughing when she heard she was the answer to a prayer. Worshipping with older mothers, who remembered the stage I was in and had survived it, was reassuring.
The biggest shift in my consciousness was the realization that I was no longer an isolated I who could just think about what I wanted and how to get it. I was part of a we and needed to discern what would work best for our family as a whole. I worked through Julia Cameron’s bestseller, The Artist’s Way, [which assumed an autonomy that I no longer had]. I wished for a sequel called The Artistic Mother’s Way to explain how to nurture one’s creative life while also nurturing a child. The Deep connection I felt with my daughter and son made me feel as vulnerable as they were by association, [and I worried for their safety].
Fear and Trust—How hard should parents try to protect their children? I refuse to say, “Never talk to strangers,” still I know some strangers abduct children, so I am teaching my children to listen to their intuitions. If any adult or situation makes them feel unsafe, I tell them, “Walk away and find an adult you trust.” It is a tricky balance, trying to be a responsible educated parent without becoming an obsessed maniac. A neonatologist explained that he was willing to over-treat many babies if it meant saving the lives of a few.
Before children I took risks on my adventures, did without health insurance and life insurance. While parenthood was making me more assertive about planning for the future, it was also teaching me to let go of my daily agenda in the present. My children were so good at living in the present moment that they slowly taught me how to be present myself. It has been through little trials—the missed party, the nap I could not take when I was sick—that I learned to trust that my deepest needs will always be met, if not always my every desire.
The fear of losing ourselves to parenthood is common especially among stay-at-home parents. This common human struggle with sacrifice and surrender is compounded by legitimate concerns about gender roles and the equality testimony. For me, it was sometimes difficult to know if I was more afraid of falling into the stereotypical female role simply out of social conditioning or of fully surrendering to my calling. There are many ways God leads people to love and raise their children. I was at home with my baby because that was what I felt God was leading me to do. I acknowledged my fears and discussed them with other mothers, older Quaker women, who understood that sometimes we need to stand up for ourselves, and sometimes we need to surrender.
Stripping the Mask—One [discernment] aid is to notice our fears as well as anger & sadness that can guide us unconsciously if we aren’t aware of them. Thomas Merton wrote that masking our emotions was a way to hide from our true selves, while stripping away our masks was a way to connect to God. My family’s model was Jackie Kennedy, dignified & private, even in the face of death. [That model was used in facing my father’s dying & death]. It was only years after my father’s death that I learned to acknowledge emotions like grief and anger.
By the time my daughter was born, I was convinced that knowing oneself & valuing one’s emotions were important components of discernment & spiritual growth. Even after postpartum passed, I found myself crying much more often than I ever had before, as if identifying with a baby had made it impossible not to identify with other people too. There were moments when the rawness of my emotions did feel like a discernment tool. [2 jobs not in keeping with my other leadings left me sobbing, while] teaching opportunities didn’t provoke this reaction.
At other moments the rawness of my emotions felt like an obstacle to discernment. [My daughter’s moments of violent jealous toward her younger brother] were disturbing. My reaction to her also being violent shocked & shamed me. [Sometimes our acts of violence offer an opportunity to befriend the target of our violence, & to see] the remarkable change which friendship brings about. After my own violent episodes, I also felt humility & compassion. I could no longer call other parents monsters, or disdain people in foreign countries who lashed out in violence when they felt their families threatened. If I could lose my [nonviolent] principles in a rage, what would I be capable of in war? [After my experiences with my daughter, I better understood &] appreciated spiritual practices like [chastity and] fasting, which are intended to help strip us of our selfishness and teach us self-control. [I eventually] heard a voice within me whisper, “Stop trying to change her. Just change yourself … Pray.”
Daily Practice—Surely I knew enough to ask for guidance. But I had gotten out of the habit of asking for things, even from God. I found it especially difficult to hear the Inner Guide over the crying and whining. It is hard to listen to the Inner Guide when we are trying to be efficient, especially when we are focused on other people’s requests. I needed a spiritual guide to tell me how to hear my inner voice when kids were whining in my ears. Quaker women’s journals had not described their lives with children as thoroughly as their public ministries.
I have always tried to carve out a little quiet. At each phase of their growth, I had to figure out different ways to find quiet, which gradually became easier as they grew. “Thank you” is my most frequent prayer. I especially needed meeting for worship during the years when silence was scarce. Tom and I began giving each other overnight retreats for Christmas and other occasions to nurture each others spiritual lives, and so the children would see that making time to listen to God was something we valued more than gadgets or new clothes.
Sometimes the children’s prayers sounded [routine]; over the years they got more profound. It was my Catholic husband who added extended silence to our evening routine during Advent & Lent. The children settled into a deeper place than on Sunday morning when they are peeking at my watch to see when 15 minutes were up. These family worship times are much deeper for me than the time in meeting for worship; it feels like wholeness. [I have to work at practicing] simplicity, peace & equality testimonies, [especially on school mornings].
Last spring I felt led to make baseball a spiritual practice. I think baseball is boring, but I [soon] realized how beautiful the baseball field is in spring; how funny one of the other mothers is; how exciting it can be to watch children try something difficult and run with joy when they succeed. Baseball may be an apt metaphor for parenting. I can coach them, but increasingly they have to step up to bat on their own while I sit back and cheer. Like the children, I move out and return to base to wait until it is my turn to move out again. There is no one [base] path for this journey, no one way to be a Quaker parent.
Supporting the Spiritual Lives of Parents—Parents need opportunities to deepen their own spiritual lives without cutting themselves off from their children. The challenge is for Friends to find ways of replicating the feeling of FGC Gathering, with its multi-generational worship and age-specific programs, more often, closer to home and at less expense. I have been blessed to be part of a meeting that does this movement well. The absence [of a good 1st Day School program] strains parents who may need worship even more than those who can find quiet spaces throughout the week. The commitment of non-parents is part of the reason our 1st Day school thrives.
A community that wants to welcome parents and children has to be at least a little tolerant [of the inevitable noises of multi-generational worship]. Quaker gatherings outside of monthly meetings can also provide lifelines to parents, though here the structures for childcare or programs may be less well organized. I appreciate the mystical tradition of going off to the desert to find God. But I cannot make it to the desert and be home for dinner.
I have found that parents have much to say on the topic of finding God in our everyday lives. Even less frequent are opportunities to share across generational lines. I have found the support of older Friends similarly helpful, not because they have all the answers, but because they can say, “I’ve been there, I know.” I began to wonder if holding each other in prayer might be a way parents could support each other without adding another meeting to our schedules. The language of early Quakers speaks powerfully to the image of God raising us through the love of other people. As our children help raise us closer to God, so are we called to raise one another to wholeness.
Queries: How have you grown spiritually through your interactions with children? How have dreams helped you discern God’s guidance for your life? How did an experience of losing control over your life change you? How have you experienced God through other people? What are the risks of becoming part of a “We”? How has experiencing your own capacity for violence in your life affected you? How has the presence or absence of children affected the character of your worship community? How have Friends meetings been supportive of families with young children?
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397. Quaker Witness as Sacrament (by Daniel O. Snyder; 2008)
About the Author—Daniel O. Snyder holds masters degrees from Earlham School of Religion & Boston University School of Theology, & a PhD in Clinical Psychology from Pacifica Graduate Institute. He does pastoral psychotherapy in Black Mountain, NC. The ideas in this pamphlet came from an address to New York YM in 2004. An expanded version was presented as the Richard L. Cary lecture presented for German YM in 2007.
Early Friends’ experience of the Inward Light was not as a cozy fire but rather a relentless, [long-lasting] search beam that showed them their sinfulness … [and then] led them to the victory of good over evil within them; a sense of inward peace followed. Michael Birkel
[Introduction]—Nick Ut took a picture of Phan Thi Kim Phuc as she ran from her village, naked, burned, screaming in pain & terror. I was 22, white, male, middle class, & North American. [I assumed I would follow a typical career path for my class]. Kim Phuc came without words, without political analysis, without theological or moral argument. She took away my peace; I have spent 36 years trying to get it back. Kim Phuc became the poorest and weakest person I have encountered. How will the next step I take be of use to that person? I now understand that she became for me one of the faces of Christ. At the heart of it all is a conviction that Quaker witness, peace work, is sacramental. I have been fully restored to peace only in those moments when my life is an outward and visible sign of an inward and invisible Grace.
The sacramental life is a vision I have only glimpsed. When I neglect either the inward or outward work, I become divided, & Grace attends this division with profound restlessness. Kim Phuc goaded me into a life I never could have designed for myself, one that I frequently didn’t understand & could not explain to others. Very, very slowly, I am learning to attend to my restlessness each day, listen to it, to be a novice under its instruction. It is as if my soul is a wild and shy animal who leaves small signs of disturbance, and my task is to attune to these signs.
Personal Journey—Kim Phuc’s picture unsettled me at my core, but I ran from it for more than 2 years. I applied to American Friends Service Committee to go to Vietnam right as the need for service declined. I was led to join a community of activists in Philadelphia who were committed to the study of the practice of nonviolence. Action that arose from clarity and action that arose from despair often took the same outward form; I was one of the despairing ones. The heroism I imposed upon myself lacked any real interior substance. Others were fed by inward springs that refreshed and renewed them. I was fed by surges of emotional energy with which I tried to lift myself out of an undertow. I had nothing to sustain me in what was a life’s work with [unimaginable sacrifices]. I left the activist community and took the next year at Pendle Hill in order to find out.
I went there with no idea what I would find. I wasn’t even sure what questions to ask. I only knew that something within me was asking a question for which I had no answer. There was no preaching, no insistence on doctrinal conformity, only an emphasis on silent waiting, listening, & attention. I took courses on Christian mysticism Quaker history and spirituality, and Thomas Merton. My faculty consultant was a visiting Catholic nun. I asked her a surprising question: “Can you help me find God?” We began a journey of spiritual nurture that led me into my growing hunger for a life of prayer. [I knew] the meagerness of my own resources and I knew that I had no real choice other than to walk fully into the mystery of prayer & meditation, fall into it if necessary.
I spent the following year with Thomas Merton’s Trappist [brother-monks] in the mountains of Colorado. Prayer was hearing my own voice sending pleas up to God & a freefall into that vast space where words were neither spoken nor heard, a space preceding language & thought. After a few months all the chatter in my head began to quiet down. It was enough to fall into the bottomless depth of God’s Presence & to feel myself held there. The cross hanging over my bed was a problem. I found a picture of a starving African child and pinned it to the cross.
This starving African Christ wrecked my peace. One day I could not bear any longer the anger and grief of this image. I hiked to the top of the nearest ridge and poured out my rage at God. Am I supposed to worship you when you send your own children to death? I called down God’s wrath on myself. I would go to hell with this child before I would go to heaven with an abusive god.
And then the Presence came again. Sky reached down and Earth reached up. Mountain wrapped me in her arms and Light, Air, and Water all seemed to be talking at once in a Cosmic babble of Joy. If God had spoken had spoken, [God might have said]: “I have been waiting for you to [“feed my sheep”]. Who do you think gave you that anger? Who gave you your compassion? Every suffering child is my child.”
[You Can Love Me in this Child]—What fell into place after I pinned the African child’s picture to the cross was an affirmation that all suffering is held within an infinite Presence. God seemed to say, “You cannot love me in formlessness, but you can love me in this child.” I was grateful for the hospitality of the monks. I found a sacred space in their monastery that had begun to feel like a space I could find within myself. I began to see that my path lay more in the intersection of the inward & the outward than in emphasizing one over the other. I wasn’t fully at home in either the activist or the monastery community. I knew that silence had taken root in me, & that I no longer needed a cloister to hold it.
[Now] I needed language, tools, experience [See About Author]. [After that] I could adequately name my experience and translate my intuitions into thought. I came to understand incarnation as the ongoing birth of God in the world; the deepest healing is incarnation. It sometimes needs our active intervention in helping to create the best possible conditions for its birth. [In my practice] there was outward engagement in therapy and inward engagement in my private time of intercession; both are essential. I came to think of myself as a kind of nonviolent interventionist in the inner worlds of my clients. How could I take the work and insights of therapy more deeply into the lives of activists?
I joined the Pendle Hill faculty; I developed a series of 3 courses: Nonviolence in Personal and Political Life; Prayer and Peacemaking; Forgiveness and Reconciliation for 3 questions: Where are we going and how do we get there? What sustains us on the journey? What do we do once we arrive? Each of these themes has been profoundly deepened by the Pendle Hill students and workshop attenders who participated.
Now I am back in private practice & combine that work with teaching & spiritual nurture within my community. I help activists find the particular spiritual path that can both deepen and sustain their work. [Many more suffering children have been added to my 1st two. Every child of war is like a silent witness, calling us to a world that can be safe for all future children. Kim Phuc herself directs a Canadian foundation focused on the needs of children affected by war and on forgiveness.
From Silence to Speech: The Meeting for Worship as Pattern for our Witness in the World—[Some in our community are excluded for “unacceptable beliefs or lifestyles].” Some resist the language of exclusivity and domination that has poisoned conservative Christian right rhetoric. [Some] finally come to the Stillness within and then, at last, they feel the Presence and learn that there is an Inward Teacher and Guide who can speak to their condition. We must be careful to reach deeper than the words themselves. Even if Christianity has been a language of Life for some, it has been a language of [injury and] death for others.
We must find a way that invites others to find words that are true to the Spirit that lives in them. Our aim is to reach the Life in the other, to bear witness to it, to create a space of Holy, expectant waiting, and to invite, welcome, and enjoy the wonder and surprise when it breaks into speech, into song, into a life made whole. [Each worshiper in silent worship], seeks to get above or below, between or beyond, the interior noise and rumination in order to be faithful to that inside for which Friends have many names.
The purpose of our disciplines of simplicity & plainness is to clear space, to give ourselves respite from distracting, unseasoned words. In worship we bring ourselves near to the Stillness & offer ourselves to Grace that draws down into Life’s seed. We are heirs to a tradition that seeks to release words back into their silence so that they can return to us fresh & alive, awakening us to new inspiration, new ways of seeing, new callings.
We may 1st come to meeting longing for sanctuary, refuge, comfort, safety, a place to heal. We soon find that the silence will hold us for awhile, it will eventually open up and bring us into a vast new world. A few words may form and we ask, is this message just for me or for others? Is it truly grounded in the light? Am I running ahead or behind the Guide? The content of the message may be important to some, or even just to one, but all will feel the presence of the Life that brings it forth, long after the content is forgotten.
To settle for anything less than this Life, according to our tradition, is to fall into an idolatry of form. Most of us are comfortable with no creeds. Perhaps we are less comfortable with the notion that we can trust the Sacred to lead us into right action & to political work [that witnesses] to truth. Our spiritual work is always a work of uncovering, revealing, returning to Life, again & again. We release our gods in order to surprised by God.
I must use words to evoke that which is before words. There is always some risk both in speaking & in witnessing in the world, for we never know with any certainty that our words & actions will be received in the Spirit in which we intend. Quaker witness must be grounded in the hope that our lives will quicken the Life within others & that they will come closer to the direct witness of Inward Teacher. We find community in the Life that is in, under, through those things, a Life that loves a profusion of diversity & is always seeking to be born again & again into the uniqueness of our lives. The Stillness that we find in our meetings for worship can take root within; it can become a hidden spring of refreshment & inspiration that we carry into our daily lives.
Inward Activism & Outward Prayer—It is the witness of our tradition that those who are naturally inclined to begin in prayer will eventually feel led into outward action, & those who are naturally led to action will eventually feel called more deeply into prayer. Sometimes, those who pray don't act, & those who act don't pray. At Pendle Hill, my classes on prayer & peacemaking tended to be small. For an introduction, I asked the class for words or phrases that expressed their worst & best judgments about spiritually-oriented people. We did a similar process for those who identified primarily as activists. The worst of spirituality was similar to the worst of activism, & the best of spirituality was similar to the best of activism. I promised that we would work toward a practice that integrated the best of both while guarding against the worst. [The worst of each emerged when prayer was disconnected from any outward fruit, and when activism had no inward drawing deeper into Spirit].
If the best of activism consists in an energetic, committed seeking of truth, and loving confrontation of all that obscures it, then this energetic commitment can be brought to prayer. The key is honesty, not piety, and a willingness not to get hung up on problems of belief. [Inward activism is a full engagement of the self with] an attitude of anticipation, intense listening, fierce participation, and an insistent desire to be re-formed in the Creative Presence at any cost. Michael Birkel writes: “Early Friends’ experience of the Inward Light was not as a cozy fire but rather a relentless, [long-lasting] search beam that showed them their sinfulness … [and then] led them to the victory of good over evil within them; a sense of inward peace followed.”
Inward activism exposes the projections and unconscious distortions that sometimes contaminate our political work. The Light that early Friends spoke of, does not confront us in the manner of an overworked and punitive conscience. It is rather the work of Love, a purifying Fire that brings us home to our deepest authenticity and truest nature. [“Inward activism” is our activism and the activism of God within us.] The type of practice suggested by the phrase “inward activism” is one in which we recognize that we have invented gods to mirror and support our personal identification. With persistence in prayer, these idols will begin to crack and falter. As we become aware of how deeply trapped we are by idols, we cry out to God to save us from our gods, and are willing to submit to God’s inward nonviolent campaign for our freedom. We are participating in what Rufus Jones called “the double search,” for the Divine Other whom we seek is also seeking us.”
To undergo an interior revolution of the Spirit is to have one’s whole life remade in a new pattern. [There is new hope, new vision, [a new steady, irrepressible joy]. Many around the country who participated in these workshops were working daily within a political context that was then and still remains quite discouraging. Some would argue that the love we seek and the joy that is promised can easily become ends in themselves. We needed much time to hear the grief and frustration in these comments.
Activists were cautioning us about an ever-present danger in spirituality and in not heeding the call into outward service and witness. Our outward work was not only the natural product of a deepened interior life, it was also a safeguard against the interior life becoming detached. The activist in our groups kept us grounded in the real and urgent needs of a broken world. The activists were challenged to season their sense of urgency in prayer. Hope is already visible in the faithfulness and courage that it takes to stand in a place of truth in spite of the world’s seeming indifference to our efforts.
Quaker Witness as Sacrament—We came to understand this inward/outward path as sacramental, [i.e.] the outward and visible sign [Quaker witness] of an inward and invisible Grace. To live sacramentally is to fall so completely into God’s infinite Love for us and for the world that we see and act in this world in light of this Love. We can enjoy a steady Presence of God, as we become increasingly attuned to the leadings that bring us into our right activity, purpose, and way of being in the world. Frederick Buechner writes: “The place God calls you is the place where your deep gladness and world’s deep hunger meet.”
The words “witness” & “testimony” suggest something much deeper, that we are giving voice & form to that which we now know from direct encounter. Thomas Kelly wrote: “Too many well-intentioned people are pre-occupied with the clatter of effort to do something for God that they can’t hear God asking that God might do something through them.” We are called to work on behalf of what is right & just, but leave the outcomes to God.
Our peacemaking is a way of being, a mutual infusion of self and world. George Fox challenged us to “be patterns, be examples in all countries, places, islands, nations, wherever you come; that your carriage and life may preach among all sorts of people, and to them … answering that of God in every one.” Such a life may not make sense in the world’s terms; it may not even be visibly “effective” in the relatively short time frame of our own lives, but it is ultimately transformative in its power. There is a Stillness before form that rises into form. A Inward Teacher and Guide brings intimation of a world not yet fully visible but already here. Arundati Roy writes: “Another world is … on her way. Maybe many of us won’t be here to greet her, but on a quiet day, if I listen very carefully, I can hear her breathing.”
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398. The Messenger that Goes Before: Reading Margaret Fell for Spiritual Nurture (Michael Birkel; 2008)
About the Author—Michael Birkel is a member of Clear Creek MM. He teaches in the Religion Department of Earlham College in Richmond, Indiana, and has traveled widely among Friends as a lecturer and workshop leader. Currently he is at work on the spiritual writings of Jakob Boehme. Michael is also active in interfaith relations, particularly Muslim-Christian dialogue.
Introduction: Reading Across Time—We live in the midst of a revival of interest in spiritual nurture. In a search for a trusted and experienced companion, it is worthwhile to look deeply into Quakerism’s wisdom heritage. How did early Friends offer guidance to one another in the life of the Spirit? I have found Margaret Fell’s words to be just the pertinent advice I needed, if not really wanted, to hear. Margaret Fell’s words reminded me that the Light is arisen within us, that the word of God is very near, within our hearts.
Her words on discernment cautioned me to “look not out[ward]” for guidance, but inward where the Light dwells. External forms are mere images rather than reliable guides, even if they cloak themselves in the appearance of everlasting truth. I have been taught by Margaret Fell’s example to keep in mind I am only a listener who can point another person to God, the source of guidance. Margaret Fell’s words have a deeply evocative quality, & they ring out like vocal ministry. “Therefore in that which is pure and eternal, which is one in all, which leads into love and unity, dwell and abide faithful, and constant, and obedient, and ye shall eat the good of the land.”
Letters reach across time. This is especially true of spiritual counsel. The wisdom they offer invites us to return to them for spiritual nourishment. We find them in Scripture & the ancient church, kept alive by monastic life. This essay will address words of Margaret Fell’s wisdom & blessing, a valiant early Friend who is often remembered for other gifts. She was a spiritual guide whose letters still speak across the centuries. The music of Margaret Fell’s letters reveals its deeper treasures to those who can listen until they hear its subtleties. I will be using excerpts mainly from letters to Anthony Pearson & William Osborn, along with passages from other letters.
Terminology: Margaret Fell’s Language of Spiritual Nurture—Margaret Fell wrote letters of spiritual counsel to individuals & to groups of Friends. In her letters, Margaret Fell tends to recede into the background; she directs her readers to the Light, which provides the real guidance. Often we can discern a pattern in her counsel: to keep low, to wait, to mind the Light, to see, to be faithful & obedient. We need to keep low so we do not block what we want to see, which is the activity of God in our midst. Her letters repeatedly caution against haste. We need to wait and listen and pay attention so that we can encounter what is true and trustworthy.
Only when we have quieted, centered ourselves, focused attention on the activity of God within, can we really perceive the Light. The Light will show us truth, including uncomfortable truths about ourselves. Friends are to be faithful and obedient to their particular measures of the Light; she knows that we are not all alike. Different people are led to different actions. Margaret Fell’s letters are an encouragement and a guide to discerning the difference between a leading of the Light and a personal motivation.
Illustration: Letter to Anthony Pearson—Dear heart, mind the living God … see what thou can witness of him made manifest in thee, for there thou must find him & see him, if ever thou know him for thy comfort. And see if that which is of God in thee be not in bondage in Egypt … Wait upon the Lord in the Light of God in thee … and it will bring the seed of God out of prison, if thou hearken to it and be obedient to it.
Though God is available to all of us inwardly, we have a tendency to hold that of God in bondage. “Flesh” [in Margaret Fell’s writing] does not refer to our experience of physical embodiment but a selfish orientation. “Flesh” looks outward for guidance; Spirit looks within. … Be low and watchful, and mind [the Light] which keeps thy peace, and it will show thee what brings trouble … It will lead thee to another kingdom which is not of this world, which is righteousness and peace and joy in the Holy Ghost." The Light 1st reveals the inner struggle and then shows the way forward to peace.
The arrival of God, accompanied by fearful judgment and purification, was understood as an interior event among early Friends. Margaret said: “It will rip you up and lay you open, and make all manifest which lodgeth in you … Therefore all come to this and be searched, judged, led and guided.” This interior struggle would eventually yield to an inner peace as good triumphed over evil. Her words are an invitation to another realm and a different way of living one’s life, one which brings a peace that the world cannot give.
Style: Margaret Fell’s Mother Tongue—The newcomer to early Quaker letters enters a land with different customs in style & content. Letters were dictated, so her letters sounded more spoken than written. People listened in the same meditative mind-frame in which the letters were written. Since Friends sought guidance from the Spirit that they found in worship, these letters give us a hint of what vocal ministry sounded like to early Friends.
These letters are filled to the brim with Biblical allusions, many of which may be unfamiliar to us. Identifying Biblical sources of her words helps us to enter into Margaret Fell’s spiritual world. She urged Friends to read Scripture “within,” to experience how the Bible offers us language to understand inward life’s dynamics. [The God of Daniel, Shadrack, Meshack, & Abednego was used to comfort] Friends imprisoned in Lancaster Castle (1654) with the expectation they would be preserved by the same Spirit. With this Friends endured their suffering.
The Letter to William Osborn—Margaret Fell wrote to William Osborn in 1657. He was lieutenant-colonel in Oliver Cromwell’s army. The New Model Army was the gathering place of religious and social radicals. He became a Quaker leader in Edinburgh, Scotland beginning in 1653. Her letter opens: My dear love is to thee, dear heart. Wait and be faithful to thy measure of the good word of God which thou hast received, that with it thou may see that which is contrary cut down.
To wait upon God [in Margaret Fell’s day] was an act of focused attention & intention. The measure of the God’s good word, of Light, is “scripture within thee.” It conveys a message from God. The measure & [Biblical] Scripture provide guidance if we wait & give heed. Margaret Fell then connected “good word of God” with a passage in Hebrews, comparing the sharpness of the God’s word with a 2-edged sword. [In keeping with “sharp & cutting,” Margaret moves on to the axe in the Gospel of Luke & John the Baptist’s address]. She wants the axe kept close to the root, so that the axe may distinguish between good & evil, between what is of God & what is not.
“[The Biblical story] thou must read within; this is the messenger that goes before him, to prepare the way for him that baptizes with fire & the Holy Ghost.” The Biblical story tells an external history of the community of believers, and the same story is relived in inward lives of all believers. Part of preparing for the fire & Spirit baptizer is discernment, coming to clearness as to what is of God. We may have to cut what is overgrown & blocks Light from getting to us. What is it that hinders finding the Light in our inward lives?
"And keep low at the bottom, that the tree which cannot bring evil fruit may take root, [grounded into the rock] and upward, that so thy growth may be true [and thy peace pure]." To be “grounded” takes her to images of safety, sureness, and peace. Keeping low is to wait, not to rush into taking charge; it is to focus our attention on the presence and activity of God rather than to draw attention to ourselves. How is pure peace different from an impure and contaminated peace? Discernment, if we are attentive can show us where an inner motion has arisen and where it promises to take us, [preferably to a pure peace] by ensuring that it did not originate from a selfish drive not rooted in truth, or that it has no lasting power and will leave us weaker in the end.
In the next section Margaret Fell announces an inward fulfillment of the prophecies of Isaiah concerning freedom from oppression. [Friends often use these prophecies to call for social justice]. [Margaret speaks of inner] trials, afflictions and fasting. Genuine fasting is accompanied by social justice and compassion. The results of genuine discernment is interior freedom, rather than being enslaved to guilt or bad habits or fear. The spiritual life is about freedom to love. The love of God satisfies the soul’s essential thirst. 3 years earlier she encouraged her Friends in Lancaster Castle to be faithful, so that they might “be fed with the living bread and drink of the living water of the spiritual rock,” and “not to eat from flesh” [i.e. have a selfish orientation]. Both bread and drink refer to the presence of Christ, understood by Friends as an inward experience.
["Clean Thy House," Plant Thy Garden]—Margaret [transitions from “grounded into the rock” to the house that is a part of the passage that phrase comes from]: And this thou must read in thy own bosom, and so make sure and clean thy own house. And the candle that is lighted … is put on a candlestick, that all may be seen that is in the house … For 2 nations thou wilt see in thee, and the [earthly] elder must serve the [heavenly] younger.
We know that Margaret Fell was a consummate manager and organizer. She guided Swarthmore Hall when Judge Thomas Fell was away in court. Matthew’s speaking of enemies in the household is taken by Margaret to refer to the presence of evil in one’s own soul. The “2 nations” refer to spiritual Jacob and unspiritual Esau, [the latter serving the former]. The dominant image here is of cleaning the house, overcoming enmity, and the Light showing what is to be seen and then prevailing over it.
I offer a paraphrase of the 1st part of this letter: And this you must read within, because the Scripture is the language of the interior life … The good word of God within you is the Light, and you must allow this Light to shine in the house of your soul … There were 2 nations struggling in Rebecca’s womb; the unspiritual Esau is to be subservient to the spiritual Jacob … Christ is also born within, in each believer … Our earthly, bodily selves must serve the purposes of the spiritual life.
This passage is an example of how one can read within, allowing one Biblical image to lead to another and one Biblical passage to comment on another, weaving a rich fabric, which comments on the inward life. And so my dear heart, low, low, to thy own measure keep, that the pure plant may arise, where the unity is, which my heavenly Father planteth. He purgeth it, and cleaneth it. And so in the Light dwell and walk.
Here we move from Margaret Fell as householder to Margaret Fell as gardener, drawn once more to Biblical images of planting [& to discernment] of what stays in & what goes out, so that God’s pure plant may sprout; the interior garden requires weeding & light. The eternal God of power keep thee faithful, that a pure growing up in the eternal thou may witness, [&] that an instrument for his glory thou may be. In her epistle’s final words, Margaret Fell uses her own words [to say] be faithful, attentive, obedient. Don’t rush. Strength will come if we wait.
“Pure” occurs 5 times in the epistle. Pure relates to clean, cleanse, purge, wash. Purity is a result of discernment, which separates the pure from the impure or mixed. By now we have seen Scripture’s role as spiritual life’s language. The Bible provides Margaret Fell with language to describe the inward landscape. Discernment is essential for a group that relies on divine leadings as a guide in the spiritual life. She offers the most practical advice of all: pay attention to the work of God within oneself. The role of the spiritual companion is to focus the person’s attention on the guidance within, so that she or he can be receptive to it. She didn’t pretend to know more than she did about the particular circumstances & needs of those to whom she was writing. In this letter she is urging her reader to look within, wait, & clear a space, so that the Light may come, so that fruit may grow.
More Where That Came From—My joy and life is, that you would take heed to your own measure received, and be true and faithful to that which is able to save your soul. … May you grow apace, living plants in the garden of the Lord, which now he is dressing and watering and pruning, that to him fruit may be brought forth … Every branch that beareth not fruit he taketh away. Now see with the eternal Light, whether ye bring forth fruit unto God, for every tree is known by its fruit.
Life and immortality moves in the Light, so wait every one in your measure for the manifestation of God. His will is revealed in the Light, his works wrought in the Light. Let the living principle of God in you, examine what you enjoy and possess of him which is eternal. What is of him will stand in his presence, who is a consuming fire unto all that is not him.
In this era of revived interest in spiritual nurture, Margaret Fell is good company to keep. Her spiritual advice is still fresh and vital inviting us into a deeper inward life, where the clarity, the love, and the unity can be found in the presence of the Light that guides us.
Queries: What have spiritual nurturers helped you to discover? Have you attempted the practice of being “low and watchful”? Have you experienced an increase in your “measure” as a result of faithfulness? Has the Light “ripped you up and laid you open”? What is meant by “reading Scripture within”? How would you put into your own words Margaret Fell’s advice concerning spiritual discernment?
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399. Matthew 18: Wisdom for Living in Community (by Martha P. Grundy Connie M. Green; 2008)
About the Authors—Martha Paxson Grundy has served widely among Friends through writing, speaking, and [leading] retreats and workshops. She has clerked in monthly, quarterly, and yearly meetings. She wrote Tall Poppies, PH Pamphlet #347. Constance McPeak Green, a hospice nurse for 32 years, worked with patients with end stage disease and their families. Connie offers workshops on “Intentional Living and Mindful Dying.” She is called to a ministry of listening and presence and has traveled widely among Friends.
[Introduction]—Friends have found over the centuries that in community we are enabled more fully to experience the presence of God. Joined in community we are able to offer a more powerful witness to the world, demonstrating an alternative way of living, and “letting our lives speak.” Over time, interactions with others expose personal foibles as well as gifts. Connie and Marty have discovered in Matthew 18 words that have come alive to guide us in our efforts to be faithful members of a Friends Meeting. The internal work that we understand Jesus in inviting us to carry out is not easy, and alone we are tempted to avoid it. The willingness to go forward and do what seems to be required has been nurtured by our shared listening, questioning and support. Seeing how the message of Jesus in Matthew reflected our own experiences was surprising and joyful.
About the Author—Lyndon Back grew up in the care of Haddonfield (NJ) MM; she attended Haddonfield Friends School & George School. She married in 1960 & divorced in 1978. She became Director of Planned Giving at AFSC. In 1998, she followed a call from God and joined a peace team working in Serbia and Kosovo; she was there for 3 years. One day at Swarthmore Friends Historical Library, she discovered a book by Rebecca & Harry Timbres. The book affected her deeply and she began to research the life of Rebecca Janney Timbres Clark.
[Introduction]—Rebecca Janney Timbres Clark was a nurse, humanitarian, social activist, wife, mother, educator & author. Her journey took her from a sheltered Quaker upbringing in Baltimore to Europe’s war-torn regions at WWI’s end. She served in Russia & India as well as in her own country. Rebecca lived creative tension between Utopia & every day [reality], earnest devotion & joyful abandon, adventure & the longing for a normal life.
Rebecca’s year as a volunteer for the American Friends Service Committee (AFSC) in Poland at the 1st World War’s end formed a crucible, a transformation. What drew her to leave comfort & safety for the unknown? What nourished [& sustained] her spirit? Rebecca’s writing from that period, fresh, open, & candid, offers a rare opportunity to follow the development of a young Quaker woman in the early days of the 20th century.
Background/ The Call—Rebecca Sinclair Janney was born May 6, 1896, the younger of 2 daughters. Her parents, O. Edward Janney & Anne Webb Janney were members of Baltimore MM; her mother’s mother helped start Swarthmore. Rebecca was sent to Goucher College & Columbia University’s Teachers’ College. [2 classes of note were English & home nursing]. The English subject of note was Rabindranath Tagore’s writings. She played her guitar, “Jonah,” & delighted in opera, attending Boris Godunov, Rigoletto, Lohrengrin, & Madame Butterfly. She was athletic, & received congratulations & acceptance from teammates for winning a swim meet.
The Great War broke out in 1914, & coincided with Rebecca’s college years. When the US entered the war on April 6, 1917, representatives from the Religious Society of Friends’ several branches acted quickly. The AFSC began on May 11, 1917; Vincent Nicholson was the 1st executive secretary. Board chairman Rufus Jones, organized an emergency unit of conscientious objectors. The 1st 100 volunteers joined British Friends working in France under the Red Cross. Joint British American missions continued into the period of post-war reconstruction.
Women volunteers were welcomed from the beginning. Rebecca recalls applying to AFSC in the fall of 1917, though there is no record of her application. Rebecca said: “It may have been Vincent Nicholson who 1st put the thought of becoming a nurse into my head.” The thought of nursing had no appeal at 1st. She wrote: “There is nothing I’d rather do than have a young, peppy, idealistic, commonsense American fall madly in love with me … marry, settle down more or less … Careers are splendid, but a normal life is the great one.”
A woman who returned from the fighting in France spoke at Union Seminary. “She spoke of the need for nurses … As I listened … I was lifted outside of myself & felt placed in God’s hand, which turned me, not my body, but my spirit … I was returned to my body knowing that God wanted me [as] a nurse. [I felt joy & ecstasy] for days afterwards.” The path she saw clearly before her would be clouded with distractions & unexpected obstacles.
Preparation—In the fall, after a summer of classes, Rebecca entered Presbyterian Hospital in Philadelphia for 2 of practical training. Hospitals were overflowing with victims of the Spanish flu and there was great need for nurses. Rebecca resented the way she was treated. Her sense of humor and resilient spirit kept her going. Rebecca’s older sister Nell encouraged her not to give up, and [provided refuge for her up in Media].
B.A. Thomas was 18 years older than Rebecca, a Quaker and a widower with 3 children. Rebecca was not ready to step into the picture of domestic tranquility that he offered. She declined his proposal of marriage. In the summer of 1920, Rebecca applied to a volunteer with the AFSC, which was deeply involved in relief and reconstruction projects throughout Europe and Russia.
The executive secretary Wilbur Thomas persuaded her to go to Poland, where there was a joint British/ American Friends mission. She told B.A. of her calling. They agreed to postpone the decision until she returned from Poland. Rufus Jones confessed that one of the most difficult challenges was to figure out what AFSC’s true mission would be & to how to select the right people for the work. The people who spread out through war-tor n Europe to bring a “service of love in wartime” did not proselytize. Applicants to the AFSC were required to be healthy, willing & able to do physical work, & to come from a solid family background; Rebecca measured up nicely.
The Journey/ The Quaker Mission in Poland—It took almost 2 weeks to travel from New York to Liverpool and then on to Warsaw in postwar Europe. After crossing Germany by train, having been stopped at many checkpoints, her luggage searched by suspicious soldiers, and getting very little sleep, she had developed a nasty sore throat and cold. She arrived in Warsaw at 4:30 in the morning on February 21, 1921. Rebecca awoke in a city that was struggling under weight of a million tragedies which confronted her down every street and on every corner. [She was especially affected by the poor health of the children].
The Russians had retreated leaving scorched earth behind; central Poland was a barren landscape of trampled earth with few trees or villages intact. As thousands more refugees returned to Poland, a new crisis arose; they brought typhus. The small band of Quaker volunteers attacked disease with ruthless but effective measures, implementing a model used by the American Relief Administration and the Red Cross. [Quakers also worked in distributing goods, restoring the land and buildings, and organizing cottage industries].
The Red Army returned to eastern Poland in 1920 and retreated again, [laying waste to the Lublin district]. Disruption, disorganization, and discouragement developed among the Mission volunteers. There was concern about lack of leadership in the Mission. William Fogg, an American Quaker businessman was recruited to help organize the unit. Rebecca immediately noticed friction in the team. Fogg seemed overwrought and depressed and caved into staff pressure. The British volunteers were not all Quakers.
Rebecca was to be part of the Cotton Seed Meal (CSM) Project, which was intended to feed starving cows and help increase the milk supply. The farmers would pay by supplying orphanages and children’s homes. Rebecca was to visit where children were, take an inventory of how many children were in each facility and how much milk they were getting. She traveled several hours to Lublin alone, arriving at midnight and finding her own way to her quarters. She was able to organize a women’s committee with the help of Princess Woroniecka to make contacts with the orphanages and distribute milk.
She spent sleepless nights examining her feelings for B.A. She prayed & received the thought “look for his soul, not his body.” Rebecca feasted on letters. She wrote to her parents, to her sister, & to B.A., whose letters she read & reread. One letter said: “I believe only because of the fulfillment of an ideal, she will always remain enshrined in my heart & soul.” Rebecca’s ability to laugh at herself helped her adjust to difficult surroundings. As winter gave way to spring, the coldness she had experienced from members of the unit began to thaw & her social life improved. From time to time Rebecca would be given nursing duties. In a very short time she had become something of an expert on the CSM Project. Rebecca was called in to brief visiting ARA & Red Cross officials.
Courtship—The end of April she noticed a new volunteer. His name was Harry Timbres and he had just arrived in Warsaw. “He doesn’t seem too exciting a type.” They went together on a bicycle trip and got lost and rained on. Throughout the next month Rebecca traveled back and forth visiting children’s institutions [for the CSM Project]. [Harry showed great interest in Rebecca, much like a courtship]. Rebecca was not sure what to do about Harry, whose attentions she did not take very seriously; he was several years younger.
The hectic schedule demanded of Rebecca allowed little time for reflection. Although she felt Spirit-guided during her work in Poland, she missed sadly the opportunity for more quiet meditation. Konstanin, a beautiful village just a few miles from Warsaw, was a favorite place for rest, relaxation, & retreat. She & Harry found time to be alone together reading Tagore’s poetry & talking. She wrote: “Harry looked at me as no man has ever looked at me before & I had the strangest feeling … Surely I’m not in love with this boy just out of college.”
Rufus Jones and Wilbur Thomas from AFSC and Harrison Barrow and Frederick Roundtree from Quaker Service arrived for “Representatives Day.” In the afternoon the volunteers learned that work in Poland would be winding down by the end of the year. Harry was excited by the prospect of being reassigned. Rebecca told B.A. not to come to Vienna for just a marriage proposal.
Anne Janney urged Rebecca not to yield to any impulse but real affection & trust. Anne Janney’s advice to look to B.A.’s soul & heart was the same advice Rebecca had received [from prayer]. [She was to look for someone whose soul was stirred by humanity’s big questions]. Rebecca felt “honor bound” not to commit to Harry until she had seen B.A. face to face. Pulled as she was in several directions, Rebecca maintained her balance by focusing on her work. By July’s end she was doing the nursing she had hoped to do when she 1st volunteered.
Engagement—She asked herself: Do I love him enough? Is he going to prove big enough, strong enough to carry us both? Harry was a convinced Quaker from a poor farming family in Canada. She longed for her parents’ consent & approval. Rufus Jones had been Harry’s professor at Haverford; since he approved of Harry, that was enough for Rebecca’s parents. Rebecca wrote: “I am not radiant, feeling a little uncertain about things.”
Thousands of refugees arrived at the tiny Drohiczen station on freight cars shipped from Russia, [poorly clothed and fed]. Refugee work on this scale was new to her, and the suffering that she saw during that short visit impressed her deeply. During the fall Rebecca wrestled with her mood swings. “I was not in the best of humors, fairly sure that I did not want to marry a man who could not argue without raising his voice and losing his sense of humor and politeness.” Other times she was “radiantly joyful, and so much at peace.”
Rebecca wrote to her family: “The Light has been shown me & I must go to Russia. If Hal can’t go, I must go anyway. [Harry wrote a similar letter to Rufus Jones]. Harry emphasized their love, their engagement, while Rebecca was still thinking as an individual. They had to wait until the end of February. Harry couldn’t be spared from the CSM Project, & Rebecca was nursing Mary Tatum, the unit physician, who had contracted typhus.
Crisis & Transformation/ Epilogue—There was no cure for typhus. The only “treatment” was to build up the patient & strengthen the heart with injections of insulin, camphor & strychnine in order to withstand the crisis when the fever dropped & strain was put on the heart. Rebecca & Harry worked well together. Harry was a staunch, willing assistant [with the patient’s physical needs]. Rebecca wrote: “Tonight Dr. Tatum died … She held out her hand blindly & Hal took hold of it … I am sure it was God working through Hal who saved her for us. After 4 hours she relaxed his hand … The crisis is over & her heart came through nobly, Love, Bocca, (who has just witnessed a miracle).” Dr. Tatum said that someone had hold of her & would not let her go. [Rebecca thought it was Harry].
A new tone was evident in Rebecca’s letters following Mary Tatum’s crisis & recovery: “Hal is such a dear, but I’m not blind to his faults nor he to mine, thank goodness. It looks as if we [are] building a solid foundation.” It wasn’t until late February that Rebecca & Harry were able to leave for a vacation in the Austrian Alps. On March 21, 1922 a cable was received with her parents’ approval, but they didn’t come to the wedding, which took place on March 24 in the free city of Gdansk, with special permission from the Danzig Senate. There was a Friends meeting ceremony where Rebecca stayed when she 1st came to Warsaw. 2 days later they boarded the train to Moscow. Harry would work on famine relief & Rebecca Janney Timbres would nurse, possibly typhus.
Harry and Rebecca returned to the US in the fall of 1922. Harry graduated from Johns Hopkins School of Medicine in 1928. They worked for 3 years in India with Tagore. In the summer of 1936, Harry sailed for the Soviet Union, followed by the family 2 months later; they settled in Marbumstroy on the Volga River. In the spring of 1937 Harry contracted typhus. Rebecca nursed him in their log cabin apartment with no running water and an outside toilet. He died in a hospital on May 12. Rebecca buried Harry in his “beloved Russia” before returning to America. Rebecca received her Master’s degree in social work from Columbia University in 1941 and served as Dean of nursing at Meherry Medical College in Nashville, Tennessee. She married Edgar Clark in 1943 and moved with him to Honolulu. She practiced medical social work there until his death in 1961. She then lived in Medford Leas, a Friends retirement home in New Jersey, where she died in 2000 at the age of 103.
Queries: What were the factors that contributed to your development? What role have close personal relationships played in the formation of your character? What sense of call or leading has drawn you to the present role you play in the world?
394. God’s Healing Grace: Reflections on a Journey with Mental & Spiritual Illness (by Mariellen Gilpin; 2008)
About the Author--Marriellen Gilpin is a member of Urbana-Champaign (IL) Friends Meeting. She has worked to improve education services for prisoners, adult new readers, and children with disabilities. She has presented workshops and retreats and has clerked. She became mentally ill in 1978. Her journey to recovery has been arduous. For 4 years she led a 12-step group of mental sufferers called GROW.
Our life is love and peace and tenderness... It is helping one another up with a tender hand. Isaac Penington
My Story—In the fall of 1978, I held confusing and disturbing conversations with many voices, among them “God” and “Jesus.” The illness greatly intensified my struggle to distinguish the voice of God from the voice of self-interest. Mine has been a journey in God’s presence. It is a story of how one Quaker has dealt with mental illness. I perceive that demons are a spiritual reality; exorcism is sometimes appropriate and helpful; prayer is not always a good thing. I take readers to frightening territory but show a path of compassion, of spiritual nonviolence, and that demons, too, desire to serve God. [Please] listen with open ears.
I now believe I became ill because I accepted negative spirits from the people I tried to heal. The demons I accepted from others added to my own spiritual illness, [which affected my] mental illness. As I learned to make wiser choices in spite of strong contrary feelings, both the spiritual & mental illness became more manageable. I take a small dose of medication, but true healing has required me to face the demonic head-on, [with God’s help].
I once emerged from deep worship knowing that to kill is never right, and emotional violence kills the spirit as surely as physical violence. God prepared me for discovering the demons by sending human helpers 1st. I [learned] to practice spiritual nonviolence. I have learned how to find and benefit from the right kind of help, while maintaining personal responsibility for my treatment and recovery.
Developing Self-Management Skills—In 1984 I attended my 1st GROW meeting. GROW is a mutual help organization for mental sufferers that grew out of Alcoholics Anonymous. I would need my doctor’s cooperation to reduce medications responsibly. Before talking to him I needed a strategy for self-management. GROW’s convictions are: I am cooperating with the invincible power of a loving God, directly & through helpers; I can [make] my body act rightly in spite of my feelings; My feelings [improve as my thinking & acting habits improve]. GROW determinations are: go by what I know, not feel; deal only with definite problems and accepting faults; actively ignore my disturbing feelings and gradually overcome them.
If I committed to a plan of getting well, I would be cooperating with God. When I understood that hearing voices resulted from not recognizing my feelings and not expressing them in wiser action, I could believe my hallucinations would stop as my thinking and acting got better. I had to ignore actively, by listening to my feelings and substituting positive behaviors and ideas for the negative ones.
My hallucinations concerned 2 things: my relationship with God and a failed relationship with a former friend. I tried to understand the pattern of my voices. Hallucinatory experiences always woke me up with a whoosh audible only to me. Soon “God” (an internal character) was volunteering answers to all my burning questions. I decided to put a positive thought in place of the delusions by reciting a prayer used at GROW meetings. The second time a whoosh started I was able to start the prayer at once—and the whoosh ceased. In 1990 I stopped attending GROW weekly meetings, but to this day I use the GROW program.
Some Support Systems/ Praying About Problems I Cannot Handle—My husband has been wonderfully supportive & wise in handling the challenges of my illness. [Through him] I have always known the attractiveness of reality. In our small meeting everybody knows I am mentally ill. Many in meeting have simply treated me as if the essential Mariellen were still in here somewhere. My meeting understands that needing support and being able to give it are not mutually contradictory. For 4 years, I have talked regularly with 2 different clergy men.
About the Author--Marriellen Gilpin is a member of Urbana-Champaign (IL) Friends Meeting. She has worked to improve education services for prisoners, adult new readers, and children with disabilities. She has presented workshops and retreats and has clerked. She became mentally ill in 1978. Her journey to recovery has been arduous. For 4 years she led a 12-step group of mental sufferers called GROW.
Our life is love and peace and tenderness... It is helping one another up with a tender hand. Isaac Penington
My Story—In the fall of 1978, I held confusing and disturbing conversations with many voices, among them “God” and “Jesus.” The illness greatly intensified my struggle to distinguish the voice of God from the voice of self-interest. Mine has been a journey in God’s presence. It is a story of how one Quaker has dealt with mental illness. I perceive that demons are a spiritual reality; exorcism is sometimes appropriate and helpful; prayer is not always a good thing. I take readers to frightening territory but show a path of compassion, of spiritual nonviolence, and that demons, too, desire to serve God. [Please] listen with open ears.
I now believe I became ill because I accepted negative spirits from the people I tried to heal. The demons I accepted from others added to my own spiritual illness, [which affected my] mental illness. As I learned to make wiser choices in spite of strong contrary feelings, both the spiritual & mental illness became more manageable. I take a small dose of medication, but true healing has required me to face the demonic head-on, [with God’s help].
I once emerged from deep worship knowing that to kill is never right, and emotional violence kills the spirit as surely as physical violence. God prepared me for discovering the demons by sending human helpers 1st. I [learned] to practice spiritual nonviolence. I have learned how to find and benefit from the right kind of help, while maintaining personal responsibility for my treatment and recovery.
Developing Self-Management Skills—In 1984 I attended my 1st GROW meeting. GROW is a mutual help organization for mental sufferers that grew out of Alcoholics Anonymous. I would need my doctor’s cooperation to reduce medications responsibly. Before talking to him I needed a strategy for self-management. GROW’s convictions are: I am cooperating with the invincible power of a loving God, directly & through helpers; I can [make] my body act rightly in spite of my feelings; My feelings [improve as my thinking & acting habits improve]. GROW determinations are: go by what I know, not feel; deal only with definite problems and accepting faults; actively ignore my disturbing feelings and gradually overcome them.
If I committed to a plan of getting well, I would be cooperating with God. When I understood that hearing voices resulted from not recognizing my feelings and not expressing them in wiser action, I could believe my hallucinations would stop as my thinking and acting got better. I had to ignore actively, by listening to my feelings and substituting positive behaviors and ideas for the negative ones.
My hallucinations concerned 2 things: my relationship with God and a failed relationship with a former friend. I tried to understand the pattern of my voices. Hallucinatory experiences always woke me up with a whoosh audible only to me. Soon “God” (an internal character) was volunteering answers to all my burning questions. I decided to put a positive thought in place of the delusions by reciting a prayer used at GROW meetings. The second time a whoosh started I was able to start the prayer at once—and the whoosh ceased. In 1990 I stopped attending GROW weekly meetings, but to this day I use the GROW program.
Some Support Systems/ Praying About Problems I Cannot Handle—My husband has been wonderfully supportive & wise in handling the challenges of my illness. [Through him] I have always known the attractiveness of reality. In our small meeting everybody knows I am mentally ill. Many in meeting have simply treated me as if the essential Mariellen were still in here somewhere. My meeting understands that needing support and being able to give it are not mutually contradictory. For 4 years, I have talked regularly with 2 different clergy men.
I practiced healing touch for others, which gave me [only] the illusion of power at the expense of my functionality. I learned to use prayer for guidance. [I had a prayer-conversation with God, where I asked for help with a support-group friend who would call late at night and talk for 90 minutes. God walked me through what to do and promised to support both me and my friend]. Praying for friends like Ann, I came to a deeper level of compassion, a deeper commitment to present positive alternatives to their self-destructive choices, and the courage to love the unlovable enough to take firm action.
Taking My Hand Off the Trigger/ Learning God’s Will—[While I made progress in interrupting the onset of hallucinations & reducing medication, I realized that] I needed to stop doing things that triggered whooshing. Praying, instead of helping to prevent hallucinations, began to cause them. I offered God a year without prayer. The thought “5 years” came unbidden. I prayed” “I dedicate every act I do in the next 5 years to you. Help me pray with my life.” I made many mistakes, but for 6 years prayer & hallucination happened monthly rather than nightly. Before meeting for worship I formed the intention of simply being in God’s presence.
I sensed God’s presence in everything. I trusted that help would come without my having to ask. Hannah Whitall Smith’s method for determining God’s will included: Checking Scripture; Checking against common sense; Checking with wise friends; Checking reality [way opening]; Minding the stops. Within 6 years, I was able to pray without hallucinating. God was faithful.
Discovering Demons—In January 1994, I was able to pray “Please, let it be possible for me to tell you I love you without hallucinating”; I knew I had prayed in the spirit. The next morning I awoke and sensed that something wanted me to open my mouth so it could leave. My mind’s eye saw a shadowed form uncoil from the center of my brain. [For more than 9 hours, the demon and his baggage left me. I told no one. 7 demons left me, one a week. They decided who would leave when. My longtime guests knew their work was done.
The negative spirits told me their names: Unease with God; Anger; Hurry; Power. A clergyman told me releasing demons was as effective as psychotherapy, and to reflect on why I had originally accepted the demonic. My doing healing touch for others had been as much about power as they had been about caring for my friends. Devils come to us because of our faulty choices in response to strong feelings. Choosing to feel better in the short run, rather than do better and be better in the long run is negative. Changing my ways with friends gave me real power, power that made me less likely to distract myself from the pain of feeling inadequate by doing healing touch. With that change in me, Demon Power knew he could leave.
Releasing a Little Child’s Negativity—Intense hallucinations of conversing with “God” continued after the 7 guests left. A voice in my mind said, “We think you have a negative spirit with the name Raped by God. It doesn’t belong to you … What was your own sexually abusive experience to which this memory attached itself?” I knew that Raped by God came from my best friend, and that my own experience was an older cousin wanting to see me without my clothes when I was about 6. [I came up with some very special affirmations for my little guest, among them,] “Lord, please fill my former guest with an overwhelming sense of your undying, understanding nurture and love.” My husband sat up with me early in the morning, and I repeated that prayer to myself as the little child-spirit left. From that hour to this, I have been able to pray.
A Growing Understanding/ Some Very Special Support Systems—For 5 months, while the demons left me, I had walked outside consensus reality—alone—with only God’s support. I had accepted all these guest-demons from other people. I also had resident demons of my own. Demons seem to remind us of strong contrary feelings about life experiences. An inner spirit is negative when it allows overdeveloped self-interest to rule, or short-term gains for an individual; abuse, dishonesty; murder.
We can un-choose faulty behavior only if we acknowledge our feelings & convert their energy into positive choices. Negative spirits seem to cluster around growing points. Negative spirits may be the force of naked self-interest, here to protect us. We ignore their wisdom at our peril. Being spiritually healthy is like standing [in a see-saw’s center], one foot in light, one in shadow, & balancing there. Positive & negative spirits may help us know exactly what is on each side of the seesaw. [We seek a balance, neither, too self-interested or too compassionate].
My illness suddenly became very much worse. Something wanted me sick. In June I asked my Quaker meeting for a committee of care. There were 2 members of ministry and oversight committee and a Celtic shaman with the gift of discerning spirits. The committee of care met with me every few weeks and prayed for me every night. We spent 45 minutes in worship whenever we met. I was freed by the silence to say what was really happening, and the committee was freed to help me. The shaman was a wise, kind man who valued silence and deeply listened for God’s guidance. He did no harm, and was respectful of the spirits’ need for appropriate celebration, [i.e. communion] of their peaceful departure.
Getting Better/ Trying What Love Will Do—I hoped for an exorcism to dispatch my own resident demons. [Attempts to do so resulted in] long negotiations, after which I would be too tired to release them. I slowly negotiated a peace settlement with my internal voices. I stopped hallucinating nightly & instead heard voices monthly. I needed less effort to reclaim reality. In 1998 I was able to lead ministry and oversight committee through a period of division and hurt feelings. I still hallucinated that a one-time friend came to apologize. Finally, one night I despaired of letting of the anger through any power of my own and turned to God in prayer. [After a big hallucination that relieved the anger, I found] I was simply regrouping without the usual self-recrimination. [Better yet, I was] not angry at myself—a gift it never occurred to me to ask for.
In 2004, there was a marked increase in whooshing. I couldn’t see that my self-care had lapsed. I decided to pray for my perceived demons. I would love myself, & them as well, into wholeness. I didn’t presume to say what kind of help. The demons within seemed to appreciate prayers. My prayers evolved along these lines [excerpts follow]: “I praise you for sending help to the positive & negative spirits in the universe … I praise you for helping us claim these [expanding] gifts: choosing the positive more; loving & serving & pleasing you more deeply; seeing strong negative feelings more objectively; knowing more [clearly] what we are called to do; choosing to make your will our will; [feeling more strongly the need to love you]. I praise you for [the help of] positive & negative spirits [in highlighting] our growing points. I honor them & their role in your universe & for their work within … I praise you for helping us live out [our love & service of you] rather than our disabilities & maladjustments.”
What Love Has Done/ Learnings/ Epilogue—1st, I hallucinate only twice a year. 2nd, I am much less anxious. 3rd, my positive spirits do more to help me make better choices. 4th, my positive & negative spirits, including new, more objective voices, seem to work together now to bring me more fully into God’s kingdom. This “delusion” on my part has led to more mental & spiritual health. Seldom in my experience, has departure from reality led directly to better mental health, as I have continued to experience it. I pray for both positive & negative spirits, sometimes with thanks for specific work, but I don’t single out positive spirits for special blessings. I decided if I were named & called a negative spirit, I would feel shamed. So I accord honor to my negative spirits. They do not force us to express our feelings in an unwise behavior.
Nowadays I sometimes hear the whooshing. Most of my hallucinations are a process of coming to a deeper objectivity about & unity with what God would have me do. My counselor says I have peace & inner joy. How can I help but feel at peace in a world filled with a loving & redeeming God’s presence? We measure our wholeness in minutes & our brokenness in lifetimes, yet there is wholeness in our choices to do the best thing in spite of strong contrary feelings. Could we bring wholeness to our broken & bleeding planet if we all practiced spiritual nonviolence, & prayed for positive & negative spirits in the universe & for all of us in the world?
Appendix A: Strategies for Coping with the Mental Health and Medical Systems—Get a medical advocate, [knowledgeable if possible, and] one with good question-asking skills. Choose a psychiatrist carefully, not one who is parental and controlling, or over-medicating. If you believe in God, avoid anti-God mental health workers. Make sure you are with people you trust during medication changes; psychiatry is an art as much as a science and each body is different. Find a support group. Get counseling help, I state “Sometimes I hear the voice of God, and that voice is helpful,” and then ask “Can we deal? Can you at least be agnostic about the source of my issues?” Do your homework: read medication information; weigh risks before changing medication; consider what issues you want to bring up with therapist. Behave as if you are sane. Try to do what good ordinary people do, and avoid what good ordinary people avoid. Work makes voices less tempting.
Appendix B: Being a Committee of Care—Providing pastoral care to someone with a mental illness re-quires spiritual and emotional commitment. It was critical to bring together the right committee. We were led invite Les. [Even though] he was not a Friend, his deep spirituality and respect for Quakerism enabled him to enter fully into Quaker process. Remaining centered was the single most important thing we did as a committee. Eventually we were spending about half our time in worship. We were able to hear when someone was speaking from expectations rather than from Spirit and truth. We daily held Mariellen in the Light.
The rest of the committee sometimes met without Mariellen, giving us space to vent our negative reaction to what Mariellen was telling us without disrespecting her. We found that each of us tended to take on certain roles in the committee based on our natural strengths. By remaining open, we were able to discern that Mariellen had been experiencing something unhealthy outside herself. The committee reframed the illness as a disability like diabetes. Mariellen could not be [totally] healed, but she could live a healthy life when she made correct choices.[As a committee] we discerned: things which sounded crazy could be true; we could speak truth to Mariellen once we discerned what reality was. Mariellen discovered that it was not God if it led in unhealthy directions.
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[About
the Author]—Michael Robertson received a B.A. from Stanford, an M.A. from Columbia, and a Ph.D. from Princeton. His research and teaching interests are in 19th-century American and British literature. He wrote Worshiping Walt: The Whitman Disciples; Stephen Crane, Journalism, and the Making of Modern American Literature. He is co-editor with David Blake of Walt Whitman, Where the Future Becomes Present.
A Note on the Text of "Song of Myself [SOM]"—This essay is intended to be read alongside "SOM," Walt Whitman's masterpiece & longest poem in the volume Leaves of Grass (LOG). He revised this poem slightly in every edition of LOG from 1855-1881. I follow the final edition in this essay. SOM can be found at www. whitmanarchive.org. I recommend Whitman's Complete Poetry & Collected Prose, Library of America, 1982.
[Introduction]—[I had a seriously underemployed, searching period in my 20's]. A lot of interior life was trying to decide what I wanted to be when I grew up & what I believed. [Growing up Presbyterian in OK, I wrestled, along with my junior high peers, with Calvin's pre-destination, foreordination, & infant damnation. How can we be free to choose if God has foreknowledge of choices? How does salvation relate to good works? At college age I decided Calvinism was logically elegant but emotionally repellent & I put religion behind me.
[A few years later in my searching period, I was exploring literature on Eastern religious thought. I kept returning to Whitman's 1st edition of LOG. At the time Walt Whitman's poetry went over my head. I 1st came to the volume in the context of American literary tradition, [but I now] turned to it for spiritual [and religious] guidance. [I was struck by Whitman phrases like]: "Folks expect the poet ... to indicate the path between reality and soul," "Everything without exception has an eternal soul," "I think there is nothing but immortality." I needed a belief system oriented toward the beauty and immortality of the here and now.
A Note on the Text of "Song of Myself [SOM]"—This essay is intended to be read alongside "SOM," Walt Whitman's masterpiece & longest poem in the volume Leaves of Grass (LOG). He revised this poem slightly in every edition of LOG from 1855-1881. I follow the final edition in this essay. SOM can be found at www. whitmanarchive.org. I recommend Whitman's Complete Poetry & Collected Prose, Library of America, 1982.
[Introduction]—[I had a seriously underemployed, searching period in my 20's]. A lot of interior life was trying to decide what I wanted to be when I grew up & what I believed. [Growing up Presbyterian in OK, I wrestled, along with my junior high peers, with Calvin's pre-destination, foreordination, & infant damnation. How can we be free to choose if God has foreknowledge of choices? How does salvation relate to good works? At college age I decided Calvinism was logically elegant but emotionally repellent & I put religion behind me.
[A few years later in my searching period, I was exploring literature on Eastern religious thought. I kept returning to Whitman's 1st edition of LOG. At the time Walt Whitman's poetry went over my head. I 1st came to the volume in the context of American literary tradition, [but I now] turned to it for spiritual [and religious] guidance. [I was struck by Whitman phrases like]: "Folks expect the poet ... to indicate the path between reality and soul," "Everything without exception has an eternal soul," "I think there is nothing but immortality." I needed a belief system oriented toward the beauty and immortality of the here and now.
Quakerism
fits with Whitman's liberal spirituality; Whitman had connections to
19th
century Friends. Unitarian
Thomas
Harned writes: "I can never think of Whitman as a mere literary
man [but as being among] prophets &
saviors
... He is a mighty spiritual force ... [offering] religion to live &
die by." 19th
century Whitman disciples were religious liberals who found in LOG
a
modern, progressive gospel. I
want to revive &
explore a
religious approach to LOG,
&
its value to 21st century Quakers &
other Seekers. SOM is a massive sprawling work; there
is
little agreement] over what sort of poem it is. [My position is]
that it is a great spiritual epic & a [transcendent] spiritual
classic with a democratic, inclusive spirituality.
Walt
Whitman, Poet-Prophet—Whitman
was born in rural Long Island, in 1819, &
moved to Brooklyn when he was 4. Whitman picked up an excellent
education as a print shop apprentice, &
was composing his own poems &
short stories. Whitman
stayed
connected with the printing trade throughout his youth & young
adulthood as a newspaper publisher, publishing articles, editorials,
poems, &
stories; they were, contemporary, conventional and sentimental. He
quit editing in the 1950's, radically changed his dress and became a
poet.
Whitman
never talked about any transformative mystical experience that led to
his sudden transformation to poet, outside of his poetry. He
worked in a very disciplined fashion on LOG,
whose long unrhymed lines have no regular meter; [their rhythm is
that of the human breath]. Their content argues for equality of women
and men, black and white, immigrants and native-born, and celebrated
naked bodies and sexual acts. LOG
was aesthetic experiment, political manifesto, and American gospel.
Whitman wrote: "[American] Presidents shall not be their common
referee so much as their poets shall." The poet had a role
greater than legislator or chief executive: high priest of a new
democratic religion. Whitman insisted that "one deep purpose [of
LOG] underlay
the others: ... the religious purpose. What
is the nature of the religion outlined in LOG?
Whitman's
Religious Influences—Walt
Whitman was exposed to
a variety of religious traditions and movements: Protestant; deist;
Quaker. A subtle but strong anti-clerical sentiment runs through LOG.
He wrote: "Really, What
has America to do with all this mummery of prayer and rituals &
the rant of exhorters & priests ... their dramatic scenery of
religion? I
demand ... a real athletic and fit religion for These States ... All
religions are but temporary journeys."
Walt
Whitman's view held that both the natural world and human
institutions were evolving toward perfection. In SOM, he "outbids
... the old cautious hucksters," and claims elements of a long
list of deities from
a wide spectrum of world religions, "Admitting they were alive
and did the work of their days .../ Accepting the rough deific
sketches to fill out better in myself."
Whitman
was equally influenced by his mother's Quaker background, and in
particular the preacher Elias Hicks, with his emphasis on individual
experience of the divine [i.e. Inner Light]. Whitman
remembered long after his boyhood impression of Hicks' "mystical
and radical" presence and his emphasis on the "light
within. Whitman wrote: "E.H. gives the service of pointing to
the fountain of all naked theology, all worship, all the truth to
which you are possibly eligible in
and
your inherent relations ... and the religion inside of man's very own
nature." Whitman took from Hicks' words the stress on the divine
element within every human being. But he decided that joining the
Society of Friends was impossible: "I was never made to live
inside a fence."
Whitman was influenced by transcendental romanticism popularized by Ralph Waldo Emerson. Uncomfortable with the divinity of Christ and administering the sacraments, Emerson left the ministry and became a writer and lecturer. His series of essays in the 1830's and 1840's work out a distinctive transcendentalist theology. He writes: "Jove nods to Jove from behind each of us." Divine spirit expresses itself through every person. Early on Whitman acknowledged Emerson as his master, but later in life became touchy about his debts to Emerson.
Large swaths of SOM read like poetic restatements of Emerson, like: "Why should I wish to see God better than this day?/ I see something of God each hour of 24, & each moment then,/ In the faces of men & women I see God; in my own face in the glass,/ I find letters from God dropt in the street, every one sign'd by God .../ I leave them where they are, for I know that wheresoe'er I go,/ Others will punctually come for ever & ever." Whitman said of his reaction to Emerson: "I was simmering, simmering. Emerson brought me to a boil."
"Song of Myself"—This lengthy, brilliant, & endlessly suggestive poem is Whitman's masterpiece & the starting point for one interested in Whitman's religious ideas. Whitman wanted "athletic" readers who would wrestle their own meanings from his poetry; in later editions he divided the poem into 52 sections. This vast, fluid poem favors a dreamlike structure of associative leaps. Virtually every critic of SOM divides into a smaller number of units, often between 4 and 10. I have broken it into 7.
Part One (Sections 1-4): Introduction—I celebrate myself, and sing myself,/ And what I assume you shall assume,/ For every atom belongs to me as good belongs to you.
Whitman replaces the mythic hero of ancient epic with himself. Whitman left his name off the title page of LOG, because the book belonged to everyone; he connects I to you. The entire poem is a transaction between poet and reader, seeking a relationship and a conversion of the reader to a religion of the divine self. "Celebrate" is honor someone, and performing a religious ceremony. "Assume" is taking something on, [believing something to be true], and ascending to heaven. Whitman uses scientific, atomic images and facts. He favors and believes in a leisurely communion with his spiritual self. Leaves of grass refers to a perfectly democratic plant composed of countless individual leaves united into a whole. In this section,Whitman establishes the beauties of nature and the body, the intimate connection between poet and reader, and the curious duality of self and soul. The poem resists exact translation into any terms other than its own.
Whitman was influenced by transcendental romanticism popularized by Ralph Waldo Emerson. Uncomfortable with the divinity of Christ and administering the sacraments, Emerson left the ministry and became a writer and lecturer. His series of essays in the 1830's and 1840's work out a distinctive transcendentalist theology. He writes: "Jove nods to Jove from behind each of us." Divine spirit expresses itself through every person. Early on Whitman acknowledged Emerson as his master, but later in life became touchy about his debts to Emerson.
Large swaths of SOM read like poetic restatements of Emerson, like: "Why should I wish to see God better than this day?/ I see something of God each hour of 24, & each moment then,/ In the faces of men & women I see God; in my own face in the glass,/ I find letters from God dropt in the street, every one sign'd by God .../ I leave them where they are, for I know that wheresoe'er I go,/ Others will punctually come for ever & ever." Whitman said of his reaction to Emerson: "I was simmering, simmering. Emerson brought me to a boil."
"Song of Myself"—This lengthy, brilliant, & endlessly suggestive poem is Whitman's masterpiece & the starting point for one interested in Whitman's religious ideas. Whitman wanted "athletic" readers who would wrestle their own meanings from his poetry; in later editions he divided the poem into 52 sections. This vast, fluid poem favors a dreamlike structure of associative leaps. Virtually every critic of SOM divides into a smaller number of units, often between 4 and 10. I have broken it into 7.
Part One (Sections 1-4): Introduction—I celebrate myself, and sing myself,/ And what I assume you shall assume,/ For every atom belongs to me as good belongs to you.
Whitman replaces the mythic hero of ancient epic with himself. Whitman left his name off the title page of LOG, because the book belonged to everyone; he connects I to you. The entire poem is a transaction between poet and reader, seeking a relationship and a conversion of the reader to a religion of the divine self. "Celebrate" is honor someone, and performing a religious ceremony. "Assume" is taking something on, [believing something to be true], and ascending to heaven. Whitman uses scientific, atomic images and facts. He favors and believes in a leisurely communion with his spiritual self. Leaves of grass refers to a perfectly democratic plant composed of countless individual leaves united into a whole. In this section,Whitman establishes the beauties of nature and the body, the intimate connection between poet and reader, and the curious duality of self and soul. The poem resists exact translation into any terms other than its own.
Part
Two (Section 5): Mystical Ecstasy—Section
5 is one of the most celebrated passages in world poetry and a
classic of mystical literature. [Excerpt
follows]: "I
believe in you my soul, the other I am must not
abase itself, to you,/ &
you must not be abased to the other.// Loafe with me on the
grass, loose the stop from your throat,/ Not words, not music of
rhyme I want, not custom or lecture, not even the best,/ Only the
lull I like, the hum of your valved voice.//
... Swiftly arose &
spread around me the peace &
knowledge that pass all the argument of the earth./ &
I know that the hand of God is the promise of my own/ ... that the
spirit of God is brother of my own/ ... that
all ... ever born are ... brothers ... sisters & lovers,/ &
that a kelson of the creation is love ..."
In
Whitman's radical religious vision, body & soul are equally
sublime; they are equal participants in the mystical ecstasy depicted
in the remaining section. [In the verses omitted bu this editor,
there is intimate touching of hips, beard, & feet, male breast, &
the tongue plunged] "to my bare-stript heart." The passage
is mystical & erotic, physical & fanciful, heterosexual &
homosexual. Other religious writings depict the mystic's union with
God as an encounter between lovers. Body & soul's encounter is
the union of lovers, experiencing the divine, & Whitman's
insemination as a poet. Mystical experience is described in metaphor;
it is transient, & cannot be actively willed. Whitman uses the
image of kelson, the part of the keel essential to keeping a ship on
course, to describe love's function in the world & life, their
dependence on love to guide their passage through time.
Part
Three (Sections 6-23): The Caresser of Life—"How
could I answer the [child's] What is the grass?"
[Whitman], i.e. explain an essentially ineffable experience.
Grass is: individual self; God; fertility; democracy; immortality—a
convenient summary of the principal themes of SOM. The relationship
between poet and reader of LOG is unparalleled in literature,
that of lover, mentor, closest friend. His words a century later can
still evoke a powerfully felt connection in readers. In section 8,
Whitman starts using the catalogue form, which many, detractor and
admirer alike, find tedious. The longer ones are often skimmed over,
the images registering on our consciousness so rapidly that they blur
into one another—which may be Whitman's point, [a democratizing of
images that might otherwise take different values and ranks in our
minds]. Both Whitman's catalogues and religious vision reject
hierarchy; equality is emphasized. Whitman rejects the dualistic
theology of traditional Christianity: What blurt is this about
virtue and about vice [good and evil]? About the present, he
says: "This minute that comes to me over the past decillions,/
There is no better than it and now."
Part
Four (Sections 24-25): Walt Whitman, a Kosmos/ Part Five (Section
26-29): The Senses—In
Sec-tion 24's self-description: "Walt Whitman, a kosmos, of
Manhattan the son." it is clear that "Walt Whitman" is
a tall-tale American hero like Paul Bunyan. He
dismisses churches, bibles, &
creeds in favor of body-spirituality, offering "the spread of my
own body" as a worship-object &
seamlessly turning body parts into natural objects, &
vice versa. The
very
loquacious speaker questions
language's
efficacy
in describing ineffable mystical experience. He charges his own
power of speech with overestimating itself: "You conceive too
much of articulation."
In
Sections 26-29, he portrays music & the senses as paths toward
both bodily ecstasy & spiritual insight. He called the voice of
an opera tenor the "identity of the Creative Power itself,"
& a pathway to the soul. The author depicts himself as highly
responsive to music & sound, as well as hypersensitive to touch.
Whitman describes sexual acts &, for all his boldness, prefers
the safety of metaphor. His sexual climax is quickly spiritualized.
He acknowledges that loss of self-control in orgasm can provoke
spiritual illumination & frightening sense of helplessness. In
post-orgasm bliss, his semen turns into showers that nurture
landscapes of golden grass.
Part
Six (Sections 30-37): "All Truths Wait in All Things"—This
sentence begins Section 30. He goes on to offer his religious creed: I
believe a leaf of grass is no less than the journey-work of the
stars/ ... &
the running blackberry would adorn the parlors of heaven,/ &
the narrowest hinge in my hand puts to scorn all machinery,/ ... &
a mouse is miracle enough to stagger sextillions of infidel. Whitman
follows his creed
with a tribute to evolution. He provides a fast-motion overview of
evolution, from plutonic rocks &
mastodon to razor-billed auks. Science, is
not
a hindrance to religious faith, but
only
increases the poet's reverence for the universe.
Section
33 is the longest catalogue in the poem. It starts with a sort of
re-creation of the world, with the poet floating free of the earth,
gaining spectacular size, & lovingly naming all that he sees. In
the same section he assumes the identity of different suffering
people, [most notably] a fireman crushed by the debris of a burning
building. He declares: "Agonies are one of my changes of
garments. I don't ask the wounded person how he feels, I myself
become the wounded person." Whitman's religious vision, his
mature & complex belief includes paradoxical elements. He asks:
"Do I contradict myself?/ Very well then I contradict myself. I
am large, I contain multitudes." John Updike sees SOM as a poem
of egotheism, with self assuming a divine status. The poet
then travels in time, covering the Goliad massacre of 412 men in the
Mexican War (1835-36), & then a Revolutionary War sea battle. By
the end of Section 37 he has become a cholera patient, then a
shame-faced beggar.
Part
Seven (Sections 38-52): Whitman's New Religion—In the
beginning of Section 38 Whitman says: "I discover myself on the
verge of a usual mistake." The poet's usual mistake may stem
from of his usual virtues: his ability to identify with others.
Becoming "a shame-faced beggar," the shame from that makes
him feel isolated and small. He corrects his mistake by remembering
that he like every person, contains the inward Christ, a concept he
turns into vivid imagery. Reminded of his power to transcend
suffering through imaginative resurrection, the poet's balance is
restored, and he is now a Christ-like prophet.
Whitman
assumes the identity of the "friendly and flowing savage,"
an supernatural American prophet and "savior" who shares
his strength [and healing powers] with the masses. In Sections 42-49
is a wide-ranging address, which [stands as] Whitman's Sermon on the
Mount. He preaches love, compassion, and an intense individualism.
His faith incorporates all worship ancient and modern; he was part of
the 1st generation of religious liberals to regard other religions as
valid spiritual paths equivalents to Christianity.
Whitman's
intensely democratic spirituality emphasizes [a broad equality] of
gender, races, & [gender preferences]; he leaves the gender of
his soul strategically undefined. Walt spiritualized sexuality of all
sorts, sacralizing one's desire for either women or men. Death serves
as the accoucheur, or male midwife, his hand at the entrance to the
womb or the afterlife. In Section 49 alone, death is successively
presented as "relief & escape," a rotting corpse
enriching the soil & bringing new life, & one stage in an
endless cycle of reincarnation.
Whitman's
many interpretations of death prepare readers, his "brothers &
sisters," "the listeners up there" —a brilliant
image of the [poet & listener's positions, with the poet down
here in these pages, & his readers with their] faces poised above
the pages. In a series of beautiful images, the poet depicts his
body dissolving into air & earth, & in his final words
encourages the poet-prophet & disciple-reader relationship to
continue: I depart as air, I shake my white locks at the
runaway sun,/ I effuse my flesh in eddies, & drift
it in lacy jags./ I bequeath myself to the dirt to grow from the
grass I love,/ If you want me again look for me under your
boot-soles ... Failing to fetch me at 1st keep encouraged,/ Missing
me one place search another,/ I stop somewhere waiting for
you.
Conclusion—"Song
of Myself" is Walt Whitman's good news, a democratic gospel
intended to transform readers' lives. Whitman's optimism may seem
discredited by ["man's inhumanity to man"] in the 1½
centuries since he wrote SOM, &
his extreme individualism &
rejection of religion may not speak to those deeply nurtured in
religious community. SOM can reveal deep wisdom for spiritual
seekers. Nature mysticism in SOM
offers powerful images of
the interdependence of the human &
natural worlds. The poem's deft merging of scientific and spiritual
discourse, and its insistence on the sacredness of the body and sex
[refutes the]
claim we must choose between
science and religion, the lingering forces of cultural puritanism,
and the shamefulness of homosexuality.
"Song
of Myself" remains the most vivid expression in the English
language of a fully democratic spirituality. After the World Trade
Center collapse on 9/11/01, [the following verses speak to us anew]:
I am the mash'd fireman with breast-bone broken,/ Tumbling walls
buried me in their debris,/ Heat & smoke I inspired, I heard the
yelling shouts of my comrades,/ ... They have cleared the beams away,
they tenderly lift me forth ... / Painless after all I lie exhausted
but not so unhappy,/ White and beautiful are the faces around me.
(Section 33)
Instead
of searching for future salvation, the poem explores the beauty and
immortality of the here and now, on the journey that each "must
travel for yourself," and perhaps write their own song of the
self. As Whitman reminds us: "The strongest and sweetest songs
yet remain to be sung."
Queries—How do poets or other artists serve as priests or prophets in your own spiritual experience? How do you experience the tension between "spiritual individualism," & "corporate discipline" in the Society of Friends, & their respective benefits, costs & risks?" How does the poem speak to you in terms of a religious message, the natural world, the physical body, & [the world community's democracy & diversity]? Which passages are particularly compelling or inspiring to you & why? Which passages disturb or repulse you & why? How does "Song of Myself" speak to "that of God of in everyone.
Queries—How do poets or other artists serve as priests or prophets in your own spiritual experience? How do you experience the tension between "spiritual individualism," & "corporate discipline" in the Society of Friends, & their respective benefits, costs & risks?" How does the poem speak to you in terms of a religious message, the natural world, the physical body, & [the world community's democracy & diversity]? Which passages are particularly compelling or inspiring to you & why? Which passages disturb or repulse you & why? How does "Song of Myself" speak to "that of God of in everyone.
Whitman Queries—How proud have you felt to get at the meaning of poems? How shall I postpone my acceptation and realization [of Knowledge and Truth], and scream at my eyes, that they turn from gazing after and down the road? How do I know that the hand of God is the promise of my own? How do I know that the spirit of God is the brother of my own? How do I know that all the men ever born are also my brothers, and the women my sisters and lovers? How do I know that a kelson [sure guide] of the creation is love? How can one suppose it lucky to be born [and to die]? How is it that battles are lost in the same spirit in which they are won?
How does the daylight astonish? How does the early redstart twittering through the woods astonish? How do I astonish more than they? Why should I pray? Why should I venerate and be ceremonious? How did you guess the celestial laws are yet to be work’d over and rectified? If you contain enough, why don’t you let it out then? What is less or more than a touch? Where do animals get those tokens of myself, that they reveal as being plainly in their possession?
How did I negligently drop tokens of myself huge times ago? Who is the friendly and flowing savage, and where is he from? Is he waiting for civilization, or past it and mastering it? What does the Earth want from my hand? How can I teach straying from me and yet follow you with my words until you understand them? How do you see and describe the Unnamed thing that contains form, union, plan, eternal life and Happiness? What knowledge do I have to share with others? Who shall I share it with?
How does the daylight astonish? How does the early redstart twittering through the woods astonish? How do I astonish more than they? Why should I pray? Why should I venerate and be ceremonious? How did you guess the celestial laws are yet to be work’d over and rectified? If you contain enough, why don’t you let it out then? What is less or more than a touch? Where do animals get those tokens of myself, that they reveal as being plainly in their possession?
How did I negligently drop tokens of myself huge times ago? Who is the friendly and flowing savage, and where is he from? Is he waiting for civilization, or past it and mastering it? What does the Earth want from my hand? How can I teach straying from me and yet follow you with my words until you understand them? How do you see and describe the Unnamed thing that contains form, union, plan, eternal life and Happiness? What knowledge do I have to share with others? Who shall I share it with?
[Introduction]/ New Openings—[Foster parents of an 18-year old deflected the praise they received]: “Everyone is talking like we raised this boy or something. But really God filled him with love and, through this kid, God raised us.” That is as good a description of parenthood as I have heard. My children have helped me find God, not just in silence and solitude, but in the midst of chaos and crying. Parenting is a spiritual practice.
Recognizing this could benefit the Religious Society of Friends as a whole. Nurturing parents’ connection to the Divine will help them in the many ways they serve, especially in kindling their children’s spiritual growth. We have much to offer seeking parents, but if we are insensitive, we risk losing 2 generations at once.
Deciding to become a parent is one of the most consequential matters of discernment that most of us will ever face. For some, way opens quickly and easily for others, only after years of waiting, effort and sometimes loss. I believe Quakers could do more to share with each other how we have felt God’s guidance in these intimate experiences; [that is what I seek to do here]. I had been writing a book for 2 years. I had a dream of a 2-year old and a red-haired infant, in which I let go of the 2-year old. By letting go of the book and reaching for the baby, I was letting go of one phase of my life and reaching for a new one.
I said: “Let’s stop trying not to get pregnant.” I felt we weren’t planning a pregnancy so much as opening to a possibility. I soon became pregnant. Pregnancy taught me to pay attention to my body as a discerning instrument. [I intuitively refrained from taking herbs to deliver “on time.”] 2 weeks past my due date, I had a strong inner sense that God’s guidance was shifting. [I 1st tried natural inducers, & then agreed to be induced by my doctor]. The 1st pregnancy changed the way I experience God’s guidance teaching me to pay attention to my body and my dreams. [My 2nd pregnancy was ecotopic [i.e. in my Fallopian tube] and had to be terminated]. When I got pregnant a 3rd time, I had a profound sense of being dependent on God, groping for the path God wanted me to follow.
An Interconnected Self—Parenthood changed the way I experience my connection to the Divine. As a parent, I started to experience God more through my connections to other people. Nursing felt like a prayer, a give and take that connected me to all life. Sometimes, holding my baby for hours on end made me feel tired rather than transcendent. Having a baby took away daily silent worship. I did feel led to continue writing in the cracks of time when my daughter napped or sometimes when her father was with her. [I prayed for and a few weeks later met a novelist-mother with a daughter my age who shared a child-rearing philosophy with me]. She was a devout atheist who screamed laughing when she heard she was the answer to a prayer. Worshipping with older mothers, who remembered the stage I was in and had survived it, was reassuring.
The biggest shift in my consciousness was the realization that I was no longer an isolated I who could just think about what I wanted and how to get it. I was part of a we and needed to discern what would work best for our family as a whole. I worked through Julia Cameron’s bestseller, The Artist’s Way, [which assumed an autonomy that I no longer had]. I wished for a sequel called The Artistic Mother’s Way to explain how to nurture one’s creative life while also nurturing a child. The Deep connection I felt with my daughter and son made me feel as vulnerable as they were by association, [and I worried for their safety].
Fear and Trust—How hard should parents try to protect their children? I refuse to say, “Never talk to strangers,” still I know some strangers abduct children, so I am teaching my children to listen to their intuitions. If any adult or situation makes them feel unsafe, I tell them, “Walk away and find an adult you trust.” It is a tricky balance, trying to be a responsible educated parent without becoming an obsessed maniac. A neonatologist explained that he was willing to over-treat many babies if it meant saving the lives of a few.
Before children I took risks on my adventures, did without health insurance and life insurance. While parenthood was making me more assertive about planning for the future, it was also teaching me to let go of my daily agenda in the present. My children were so good at living in the present moment that they slowly taught me how to be present myself. It has been through little trials—the missed party, the nap I could not take when I was sick—that I learned to trust that my deepest needs will always be met, if not always my every desire.
The fear of losing ourselves to parenthood is common especially among stay-at-home parents. This common human struggle with sacrifice and surrender is compounded by legitimate concerns about gender roles and the equality testimony. For me, it was sometimes difficult to know if I was more afraid of falling into the stereotypical female role simply out of social conditioning or of fully surrendering to my calling. There are many ways God leads people to love and raise their children. I was at home with my baby because that was what I felt God was leading me to do. I acknowledged my fears and discussed them with other mothers, older Quaker women, who understood that sometimes we need to stand up for ourselves, and sometimes we need to surrender.
Stripping the Mask—One [discernment] aid is to notice our fears as well as anger & sadness that can guide us unconsciously if we aren’t aware of them. Thomas Merton wrote that masking our emotions was a way to hide from our true selves, while stripping away our masks was a way to connect to God. My family’s model was Jackie Kennedy, dignified & private, even in the face of death. [That model was used in facing my father’s dying & death]. It was only years after my father’s death that I learned to acknowledge emotions like grief and anger.
By the time my daughter was born, I was convinced that knowing oneself & valuing one’s emotions were important components of discernment & spiritual growth. Even after postpartum passed, I found myself crying much more often than I ever had before, as if identifying with a baby had made it impossible not to identify with other people too. There were moments when the rawness of my emotions did feel like a discernment tool. [2 jobs not in keeping with my other leadings left me sobbing, while] teaching opportunities didn’t provoke this reaction.
At other moments the rawness of my emotions felt like an obstacle to discernment. [My daughter’s moments of violent jealous toward her younger brother] were disturbing. My reaction to her also being violent shocked & shamed me. [Sometimes our acts of violence offer an opportunity to befriend the target of our violence, & to see] the remarkable change which friendship brings about. After my own violent episodes, I also felt humility & compassion. I could no longer call other parents monsters, or disdain people in foreign countries who lashed out in violence when they felt their families threatened. If I could lose my [nonviolent] principles in a rage, what would I be capable of in war? [After my experiences with my daughter, I better understood &] appreciated spiritual practices like [chastity and] fasting, which are intended to help strip us of our selfishness and teach us self-control. [I eventually] heard a voice within me whisper, “Stop trying to change her. Just change yourself … Pray.”
Daily Practice—Surely I knew enough to ask for guidance. But I had gotten out of the habit of asking for things, even from God. I found it especially difficult to hear the Inner Guide over the crying and whining. It is hard to listen to the Inner Guide when we are trying to be efficient, especially when we are focused on other people’s requests. I needed a spiritual guide to tell me how to hear my inner voice when kids were whining in my ears. Quaker women’s journals had not described their lives with children as thoroughly as their public ministries.
I have always tried to carve out a little quiet. At each phase of their growth, I had to figure out different ways to find quiet, which gradually became easier as they grew. “Thank you” is my most frequent prayer. I especially needed meeting for worship during the years when silence was scarce. Tom and I began giving each other overnight retreats for Christmas and other occasions to nurture each others spiritual lives, and so the children would see that making time to listen to God was something we valued more than gadgets or new clothes.
Sometimes the children’s prayers sounded [routine]; over the years they got more profound. It was my Catholic husband who added extended silence to our evening routine during Advent & Lent. The children settled into a deeper place than on Sunday morning when they are peeking at my watch to see when 15 minutes were up. These family worship times are much deeper for me than the time in meeting for worship; it feels like wholeness. [I have to work at practicing] simplicity, peace & equality testimonies, [especially on school mornings].
Last spring I felt led to make baseball a spiritual practice. I think baseball is boring, but I [soon] realized how beautiful the baseball field is in spring; how funny one of the other mothers is; how exciting it can be to watch children try something difficult and run with joy when they succeed. Baseball may be an apt metaphor for parenting. I can coach them, but increasingly they have to step up to bat on their own while I sit back and cheer. Like the children, I move out and return to base to wait until it is my turn to move out again. There is no one [base] path for this journey, no one way to be a Quaker parent.
Supporting the Spiritual Lives of Parents—Parents need opportunities to deepen their own spiritual lives without cutting themselves off from their children. The challenge is for Friends to find ways of replicating the feeling of FGC Gathering, with its multi-generational worship and age-specific programs, more often, closer to home and at less expense. I have been blessed to be part of a meeting that does this movement well. The absence [of a good 1st Day School program] strains parents who may need worship even more than those who can find quiet spaces throughout the week. The commitment of non-parents is part of the reason our 1st Day school thrives.
A community that wants to welcome parents and children has to be at least a little tolerant [of the inevitable noises of multi-generational worship]. Quaker gatherings outside of monthly meetings can also provide lifelines to parents, though here the structures for childcare or programs may be less well organized. I appreciate the mystical tradition of going off to the desert to find God. But I cannot make it to the desert and be home for dinner.
I have found that parents have much to say on the topic of finding God in our everyday lives. Even less frequent are opportunities to share across generational lines. I have found the support of older Friends similarly helpful, not because they have all the answers, but because they can say, “I’ve been there, I know.” I began to wonder if holding each other in prayer might be a way parents could support each other without adding another meeting to our schedules. The language of early Quakers speaks powerfully to the image of God raising us through the love of other people. As our children help raise us closer to God, so are we called to raise one another to wholeness.
Queries: How have you grown spiritually through your interactions with children? How have dreams helped you discern God’s guidance for your life? How did an experience of losing control over your life change you? How have you experienced God through other people? What are the risks of becoming part of a “We”? How has experiencing your own capacity for violence in your life affected you? How has the presence or absence of children affected the character of your worship community? How have Friends meetings been supportive of families with young children?
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Early Friends’ experience of the Inward Light was not as a cozy fire but rather a relentless, [long-lasting] search beam that showed them their sinfulness … [and then] led them to the victory of good over evil within them; a sense of inward peace followed. Michael Birkel
[Introduction]—Nick Ut took a picture of Phan Thi Kim Phuc as she ran from her village, naked, burned, screaming in pain & terror. I was 22, white, male, middle class, & North American. [I assumed I would follow a typical career path for my class]. Kim Phuc came without words, without political analysis, without theological or moral argument. She took away my peace; I have spent 36 years trying to get it back. Kim Phuc became the poorest and weakest person I have encountered. How will the next step I take be of use to that person? I now understand that she became for me one of the faces of Christ. At the heart of it all is a conviction that Quaker witness, peace work, is sacramental. I have been fully restored to peace only in those moments when my life is an outward and visible sign of an inward and invisible Grace.
The sacramental life is a vision I have only glimpsed. When I neglect either the inward or outward work, I become divided, & Grace attends this division with profound restlessness. Kim Phuc goaded me into a life I never could have designed for myself, one that I frequently didn’t understand & could not explain to others. Very, very slowly, I am learning to attend to my restlessness each day, listen to it, to be a novice under its instruction. It is as if my soul is a wild and shy animal who leaves small signs of disturbance, and my task is to attune to these signs.
Personal Journey—Kim Phuc’s picture unsettled me at my core, but I ran from it for more than 2 years. I applied to American Friends Service Committee to go to Vietnam right as the need for service declined. I was led to join a community of activists in Philadelphia who were committed to the study of the practice of nonviolence. Action that arose from clarity and action that arose from despair often took the same outward form; I was one of the despairing ones. The heroism I imposed upon myself lacked any real interior substance. Others were fed by inward springs that refreshed and renewed them. I was fed by surges of emotional energy with which I tried to lift myself out of an undertow. I had nothing to sustain me in what was a life’s work with [unimaginable sacrifices]. I left the activist community and took the next year at Pendle Hill in order to find out.
I went there with no idea what I would find. I wasn’t even sure what questions to ask. I only knew that something within me was asking a question for which I had no answer. There was no preaching, no insistence on doctrinal conformity, only an emphasis on silent waiting, listening, & attention. I took courses on Christian mysticism Quaker history and spirituality, and Thomas Merton. My faculty consultant was a visiting Catholic nun. I asked her a surprising question: “Can you help me find God?” We began a journey of spiritual nurture that led me into my growing hunger for a life of prayer. [I knew] the meagerness of my own resources and I knew that I had no real choice other than to walk fully into the mystery of prayer & meditation, fall into it if necessary.
I spent the following year with Thomas Merton’s Trappist [brother-monks] in the mountains of Colorado. Prayer was hearing my own voice sending pleas up to God & a freefall into that vast space where words were neither spoken nor heard, a space preceding language & thought. After a few months all the chatter in my head began to quiet down. It was enough to fall into the bottomless depth of God’s Presence & to feel myself held there. The cross hanging over my bed was a problem. I found a picture of a starving African child and pinned it to the cross.
This starving African Christ wrecked my peace. One day I could not bear any longer the anger and grief of this image. I hiked to the top of the nearest ridge and poured out my rage at God. Am I supposed to worship you when you send your own children to death? I called down God’s wrath on myself. I would go to hell with this child before I would go to heaven with an abusive god.
And then the Presence came again. Sky reached down and Earth reached up. Mountain wrapped me in her arms and Light, Air, and Water all seemed to be talking at once in a Cosmic babble of Joy. If God had spoken had spoken, [God might have said]: “I have been waiting for you to [“feed my sheep”]. Who do you think gave you that anger? Who gave you your compassion? Every suffering child is my child.”
[You Can Love Me in this Child]—What fell into place after I pinned the African child’s picture to the cross was an affirmation that all suffering is held within an infinite Presence. God seemed to say, “You cannot love me in formlessness, but you can love me in this child.” I was grateful for the hospitality of the monks. I found a sacred space in their monastery that had begun to feel like a space I could find within myself. I began to see that my path lay more in the intersection of the inward & the outward than in emphasizing one over the other. I wasn’t fully at home in either the activist or the monastery community. I knew that silence had taken root in me, & that I no longer needed a cloister to hold it.
[Now] I needed language, tools, experience [See About Author]. [After that] I could adequately name my experience and translate my intuitions into thought. I came to understand incarnation as the ongoing birth of God in the world; the deepest healing is incarnation. It sometimes needs our active intervention in helping to create the best possible conditions for its birth. [In my practice] there was outward engagement in therapy and inward engagement in my private time of intercession; both are essential. I came to think of myself as a kind of nonviolent interventionist in the inner worlds of my clients. How could I take the work and insights of therapy more deeply into the lives of activists?
I joined the Pendle Hill faculty; I developed a series of 3 courses: Nonviolence in Personal and Political Life; Prayer and Peacemaking; Forgiveness and Reconciliation for 3 questions: Where are we going and how do we get there? What sustains us on the journey? What do we do once we arrive? Each of these themes has been profoundly deepened by the Pendle Hill students and workshop attenders who participated.
Now I am back in private practice & combine that work with teaching & spiritual nurture within my community. I help activists find the particular spiritual path that can both deepen and sustain their work. [Many more suffering children have been added to my 1st two. Every child of war is like a silent witness, calling us to a world that can be safe for all future children. Kim Phuc herself directs a Canadian foundation focused on the needs of children affected by war and on forgiveness.
From Silence to Speech: The Meeting for Worship as Pattern for our Witness in the World—[Some in our community are excluded for “unacceptable beliefs or lifestyles].” Some resist the language of exclusivity and domination that has poisoned conservative Christian right rhetoric. [Some] finally come to the Stillness within and then, at last, they feel the Presence and learn that there is an Inward Teacher and Guide who can speak to their condition. We must be careful to reach deeper than the words themselves. Even if Christianity has been a language of Life for some, it has been a language of [injury and] death for others.
We must find a way that invites others to find words that are true to the Spirit that lives in them. Our aim is to reach the Life in the other, to bear witness to it, to create a space of Holy, expectant waiting, and to invite, welcome, and enjoy the wonder and surprise when it breaks into speech, into song, into a life made whole. [Each worshiper in silent worship], seeks to get above or below, between or beyond, the interior noise and rumination in order to be faithful to that inside for which Friends have many names.
The purpose of our disciplines of simplicity & plainness is to clear space, to give ourselves respite from distracting, unseasoned words. In worship we bring ourselves near to the Stillness & offer ourselves to Grace that draws down into Life’s seed. We are heirs to a tradition that seeks to release words back into their silence so that they can return to us fresh & alive, awakening us to new inspiration, new ways of seeing, new callings.
We may 1st come to meeting longing for sanctuary, refuge, comfort, safety, a place to heal. We soon find that the silence will hold us for awhile, it will eventually open up and bring us into a vast new world. A few words may form and we ask, is this message just for me or for others? Is it truly grounded in the light? Am I running ahead or behind the Guide? The content of the message may be important to some, or even just to one, but all will feel the presence of the Life that brings it forth, long after the content is forgotten.
To settle for anything less than this Life, according to our tradition, is to fall into an idolatry of form. Most of us are comfortable with no creeds. Perhaps we are less comfortable with the notion that we can trust the Sacred to lead us into right action & to political work [that witnesses] to truth. Our spiritual work is always a work of uncovering, revealing, returning to Life, again & again. We release our gods in order to surprised by God.
I must use words to evoke that which is before words. There is always some risk both in speaking & in witnessing in the world, for we never know with any certainty that our words & actions will be received in the Spirit in which we intend. Quaker witness must be grounded in the hope that our lives will quicken the Life within others & that they will come closer to the direct witness of Inward Teacher. We find community in the Life that is in, under, through those things, a Life that loves a profusion of diversity & is always seeking to be born again & again into the uniqueness of our lives. The Stillness that we find in our meetings for worship can take root within; it can become a hidden spring of refreshment & inspiration that we carry into our daily lives.
Inward Activism & Outward Prayer—It is the witness of our tradition that those who are naturally inclined to begin in prayer will eventually feel led into outward action, & those who are naturally led to action will eventually feel called more deeply into prayer. Sometimes, those who pray don't act, & those who act don't pray. At Pendle Hill, my classes on prayer & peacemaking tended to be small. For an introduction, I asked the class for words or phrases that expressed their worst & best judgments about spiritually-oriented people. We did a similar process for those who identified primarily as activists. The worst of spirituality was similar to the worst of activism, & the best of spirituality was similar to the best of activism. I promised that we would work toward a practice that integrated the best of both while guarding against the worst. [The worst of each emerged when prayer was disconnected from any outward fruit, and when activism had no inward drawing deeper into Spirit].
If the best of activism consists in an energetic, committed seeking of truth, and loving confrontation of all that obscures it, then this energetic commitment can be brought to prayer. The key is honesty, not piety, and a willingness not to get hung up on problems of belief. [Inward activism is a full engagement of the self with] an attitude of anticipation, intense listening, fierce participation, and an insistent desire to be re-formed in the Creative Presence at any cost. Michael Birkel writes: “Early Friends’ experience of the Inward Light was not as a cozy fire but rather a relentless, [long-lasting] search beam that showed them their sinfulness … [and then] led them to the victory of good over evil within them; a sense of inward peace followed.”
Inward activism exposes the projections and unconscious distortions that sometimes contaminate our political work. The Light that early Friends spoke of, does not confront us in the manner of an overworked and punitive conscience. It is rather the work of Love, a purifying Fire that brings us home to our deepest authenticity and truest nature. [“Inward activism” is our activism and the activism of God within us.] The type of practice suggested by the phrase “inward activism” is one in which we recognize that we have invented gods to mirror and support our personal identification. With persistence in prayer, these idols will begin to crack and falter. As we become aware of how deeply trapped we are by idols, we cry out to God to save us from our gods, and are willing to submit to God’s inward nonviolent campaign for our freedom. We are participating in what Rufus Jones called “the double search,” for the Divine Other whom we seek is also seeking us.”
To undergo an interior revolution of the Spirit is to have one’s whole life remade in a new pattern. [There is new hope, new vision, [a new steady, irrepressible joy]. Many around the country who participated in these workshops were working daily within a political context that was then and still remains quite discouraging. Some would argue that the love we seek and the joy that is promised can easily become ends in themselves. We needed much time to hear the grief and frustration in these comments.
Activists were cautioning us about an ever-present danger in spirituality and in not heeding the call into outward service and witness. Our outward work was not only the natural product of a deepened interior life, it was also a safeguard against the interior life becoming detached. The activist in our groups kept us grounded in the real and urgent needs of a broken world. The activists were challenged to season their sense of urgency in prayer. Hope is already visible in the faithfulness and courage that it takes to stand in a place of truth in spite of the world’s seeming indifference to our efforts.
Quaker Witness as Sacrament—We came to understand this inward/outward path as sacramental, [i.e.] the outward and visible sign [Quaker witness] of an inward and invisible Grace. To live sacramentally is to fall so completely into God’s infinite Love for us and for the world that we see and act in this world in light of this Love. We can enjoy a steady Presence of God, as we become increasingly attuned to the leadings that bring us into our right activity, purpose, and way of being in the world. Frederick Buechner writes: “The place God calls you is the place where your deep gladness and world’s deep hunger meet.”
The words “witness” & “testimony” suggest something much deeper, that we are giving voice & form to that which we now know from direct encounter. Thomas Kelly wrote: “Too many well-intentioned people are pre-occupied with the clatter of effort to do something for God that they can’t hear God asking that God might do something through them.” We are called to work on behalf of what is right & just, but leave the outcomes to God.
Our peacemaking is a way of being, a mutual infusion of self and world. George Fox challenged us to “be patterns, be examples in all countries, places, islands, nations, wherever you come; that your carriage and life may preach among all sorts of people, and to them … answering that of God in every one.” Such a life may not make sense in the world’s terms; it may not even be visibly “effective” in the relatively short time frame of our own lives, but it is ultimately transformative in its power. There is a Stillness before form that rises into form. A Inward Teacher and Guide brings intimation of a world not yet fully visible but already here. Arundati Roy writes: “Another world is … on her way. Maybe many of us won’t be here to greet her, but on a quiet day, if I listen very carefully, I can hear her breathing.”
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About the Author—Michael Birkel is a member of Clear Creek MM. He teaches in the Religion Department of Earlham College in Richmond, Indiana, and has traveled widely among Friends as a lecturer and workshop leader. Currently he is at work on the spiritual writings of Jakob Boehme. Michael is also active in interfaith relations, particularly Muslim-Christian dialogue.
Introduction: Reading Across Time—We live in the midst of a revival of interest in spiritual nurture. In a search for a trusted and experienced companion, it is worthwhile to look deeply into Quakerism’s wisdom heritage. How did early Friends offer guidance to one another in the life of the Spirit? I have found Margaret Fell’s words to be just the pertinent advice I needed, if not really wanted, to hear. Margaret Fell’s words reminded me that the Light is arisen within us, that the word of God is very near, within our hearts.
Her words on discernment cautioned me to “look not out[ward]” for guidance, but inward where the Light dwells. External forms are mere images rather than reliable guides, even if they cloak themselves in the appearance of everlasting truth. I have been taught by Margaret Fell’s example to keep in mind I am only a listener who can point another person to God, the source of guidance. Margaret Fell’s words have a deeply evocative quality, & they ring out like vocal ministry. “Therefore in that which is pure and eternal, which is one in all, which leads into love and unity, dwell and abide faithful, and constant, and obedient, and ye shall eat the good of the land.”
Letters reach across time. This is especially true of spiritual counsel. The wisdom they offer invites us to return to them for spiritual nourishment. We find them in Scripture & the ancient church, kept alive by monastic life. This essay will address words of Margaret Fell’s wisdom & blessing, a valiant early Friend who is often remembered for other gifts. She was a spiritual guide whose letters still speak across the centuries. The music of Margaret Fell’s letters reveals its deeper treasures to those who can listen until they hear its subtleties. I will be using excerpts mainly from letters to Anthony Pearson & William Osborn, along with passages from other letters.
Terminology: Margaret Fell’s Language of Spiritual Nurture—Margaret Fell wrote letters of spiritual counsel to individuals & to groups of Friends. In her letters, Margaret Fell tends to recede into the background; she directs her readers to the Light, which provides the real guidance. Often we can discern a pattern in her counsel: to keep low, to wait, to mind the Light, to see, to be faithful & obedient. We need to keep low so we do not block what we want to see, which is the activity of God in our midst. Her letters repeatedly caution against haste. We need to wait and listen and pay attention so that we can encounter what is true and trustworthy.
Only when we have quieted, centered ourselves, focused attention on the activity of God within, can we really perceive the Light. The Light will show us truth, including uncomfortable truths about ourselves. Friends are to be faithful and obedient to their particular measures of the Light; she knows that we are not all alike. Different people are led to different actions. Margaret Fell’s letters are an encouragement and a guide to discerning the difference between a leading of the Light and a personal motivation.
Illustration: Letter to Anthony Pearson—Dear heart, mind the living God … see what thou can witness of him made manifest in thee, for there thou must find him & see him, if ever thou know him for thy comfort. And see if that which is of God in thee be not in bondage in Egypt … Wait upon the Lord in the Light of God in thee … and it will bring the seed of God out of prison, if thou hearken to it and be obedient to it.
Though God is available to all of us inwardly, we have a tendency to hold that of God in bondage. “Flesh” [in Margaret Fell’s writing] does not refer to our experience of physical embodiment but a selfish orientation. “Flesh” looks outward for guidance; Spirit looks within. … Be low and watchful, and mind [the Light] which keeps thy peace, and it will show thee what brings trouble … It will lead thee to another kingdom which is not of this world, which is righteousness and peace and joy in the Holy Ghost." The Light 1st reveals the inner struggle and then shows the way forward to peace.
The arrival of God, accompanied by fearful judgment and purification, was understood as an interior event among early Friends. Margaret said: “It will rip you up and lay you open, and make all manifest which lodgeth in you … Therefore all come to this and be searched, judged, led and guided.” This interior struggle would eventually yield to an inner peace as good triumphed over evil. Her words are an invitation to another realm and a different way of living one’s life, one which brings a peace that the world cannot give.
Style: Margaret Fell’s Mother Tongue—The newcomer to early Quaker letters enters a land with different customs in style & content. Letters were dictated, so her letters sounded more spoken than written. People listened in the same meditative mind-frame in which the letters were written. Since Friends sought guidance from the Spirit that they found in worship, these letters give us a hint of what vocal ministry sounded like to early Friends.
These letters are filled to the brim with Biblical allusions, many of which may be unfamiliar to us. Identifying Biblical sources of her words helps us to enter into Margaret Fell’s spiritual world. She urged Friends to read Scripture “within,” to experience how the Bible offers us language to understand inward life’s dynamics. [The God of Daniel, Shadrack, Meshack, & Abednego was used to comfort] Friends imprisoned in Lancaster Castle (1654) with the expectation they would be preserved by the same Spirit. With this Friends endured their suffering.
The Letter to William Osborn—Margaret Fell wrote to William Osborn in 1657. He was lieutenant-colonel in Oliver Cromwell’s army. The New Model Army was the gathering place of religious and social radicals. He became a Quaker leader in Edinburgh, Scotland beginning in 1653. Her letter opens: My dear love is to thee, dear heart. Wait and be faithful to thy measure of the good word of God which thou hast received, that with it thou may see that which is contrary cut down.
To wait upon God [in Margaret Fell’s day] was an act of focused attention & intention. The measure of the God’s good word, of Light, is “scripture within thee.” It conveys a message from God. The measure & [Biblical] Scripture provide guidance if we wait & give heed. Margaret Fell then connected “good word of God” with a passage in Hebrews, comparing the sharpness of the God’s word with a 2-edged sword. [In keeping with “sharp & cutting,” Margaret moves on to the axe in the Gospel of Luke & John the Baptist’s address]. She wants the axe kept close to the root, so that the axe may distinguish between good & evil, between what is of God & what is not.
“[The Biblical story] thou must read within; this is the messenger that goes before him, to prepare the way for him that baptizes with fire & the Holy Ghost.” The Biblical story tells an external history of the community of believers, and the same story is relived in inward lives of all believers. Part of preparing for the fire & Spirit baptizer is discernment, coming to clearness as to what is of God. We may have to cut what is overgrown & blocks Light from getting to us. What is it that hinders finding the Light in our inward lives?
"And keep low at the bottom, that the tree which cannot bring evil fruit may take root, [grounded into the rock] and upward, that so thy growth may be true [and thy peace pure]." To be “grounded” takes her to images of safety, sureness, and peace. Keeping low is to wait, not to rush into taking charge; it is to focus our attention on the presence and activity of God rather than to draw attention to ourselves. How is pure peace different from an impure and contaminated peace? Discernment, if we are attentive can show us where an inner motion has arisen and where it promises to take us, [preferably to a pure peace] by ensuring that it did not originate from a selfish drive not rooted in truth, or that it has no lasting power and will leave us weaker in the end.
In the next section Margaret Fell announces an inward fulfillment of the prophecies of Isaiah concerning freedom from oppression. [Friends often use these prophecies to call for social justice]. [Margaret speaks of inner] trials, afflictions and fasting. Genuine fasting is accompanied by social justice and compassion. The results of genuine discernment is interior freedom, rather than being enslaved to guilt or bad habits or fear. The spiritual life is about freedom to love. The love of God satisfies the soul’s essential thirst. 3 years earlier she encouraged her Friends in Lancaster Castle to be faithful, so that they might “be fed with the living bread and drink of the living water of the spiritual rock,” and “not to eat from flesh” [i.e. have a selfish orientation]. Both bread and drink refer to the presence of Christ, understood by Friends as an inward experience.
["Clean Thy House," Plant Thy Garden]—Margaret [transitions from “grounded into the rock” to the house that is a part of the passage that phrase comes from]: And this thou must read in thy own bosom, and so make sure and clean thy own house. And the candle that is lighted … is put on a candlestick, that all may be seen that is in the house … For 2 nations thou wilt see in thee, and the [earthly] elder must serve the [heavenly] younger.
We know that Margaret Fell was a consummate manager and organizer. She guided Swarthmore Hall when Judge Thomas Fell was away in court. Matthew’s speaking of enemies in the household is taken by Margaret to refer to the presence of evil in one’s own soul. The “2 nations” refer to spiritual Jacob and unspiritual Esau, [the latter serving the former]. The dominant image here is of cleaning the house, overcoming enmity, and the Light showing what is to be seen and then prevailing over it.
I offer a paraphrase of the 1st part of this letter: And this you must read within, because the Scripture is the language of the interior life … The good word of God within you is the Light, and you must allow this Light to shine in the house of your soul … There were 2 nations struggling in Rebecca’s womb; the unspiritual Esau is to be subservient to the spiritual Jacob … Christ is also born within, in each believer … Our earthly, bodily selves must serve the purposes of the spiritual life.
This passage is an example of how one can read within, allowing one Biblical image to lead to another and one Biblical passage to comment on another, weaving a rich fabric, which comments on the inward life. And so my dear heart, low, low, to thy own measure keep, that the pure plant may arise, where the unity is, which my heavenly Father planteth. He purgeth it, and cleaneth it. And so in the Light dwell and walk.
Here we move from Margaret Fell as householder to Margaret Fell as gardener, drawn once more to Biblical images of planting [& to discernment] of what stays in & what goes out, so that God’s pure plant may sprout; the interior garden requires weeding & light. The eternal God of power keep thee faithful, that a pure growing up in the eternal thou may witness, [&] that an instrument for his glory thou may be. In her epistle’s final words, Margaret Fell uses her own words [to say] be faithful, attentive, obedient. Don’t rush. Strength will come if we wait.
“Pure” occurs 5 times in the epistle. Pure relates to clean, cleanse, purge, wash. Purity is a result of discernment, which separates the pure from the impure or mixed. By now we have seen Scripture’s role as spiritual life’s language. The Bible provides Margaret Fell with language to describe the inward landscape. Discernment is essential for a group that relies on divine leadings as a guide in the spiritual life. She offers the most practical advice of all: pay attention to the work of God within oneself. The role of the spiritual companion is to focus the person’s attention on the guidance within, so that she or he can be receptive to it. She didn’t pretend to know more than she did about the particular circumstances & needs of those to whom she was writing. In this letter she is urging her reader to look within, wait, & clear a space, so that the Light may come, so that fruit may grow.
More Where That Came From—My joy and life is, that you would take heed to your own measure received, and be true and faithful to that which is able to save your soul. … May you grow apace, living plants in the garden of the Lord, which now he is dressing and watering and pruning, that to him fruit may be brought forth … Every branch that beareth not fruit he taketh away. Now see with the eternal Light, whether ye bring forth fruit unto God, for every tree is known by its fruit.
Life and immortality moves in the Light, so wait every one in your measure for the manifestation of God. His will is revealed in the Light, his works wrought in the Light. Let the living principle of God in you, examine what you enjoy and possess of him which is eternal. What is of him will stand in his presence, who is a consuming fire unto all that is not him.
In this era of revived interest in spiritual nurture, Margaret Fell is good company to keep. Her spiritual advice is still fresh and vital inviting us into a deeper inward life, where the clarity, the love, and the unity can be found in the presence of the Light that guides us.
Queries: What have spiritual nurturers helped you to discover? Have you attempted the practice of being “low and watchful”? Have you experienced an increase in your “measure” as a result of faithfulness? Has the Light “ripped you up and laid you open”? What is meant by “reading Scripture within”? How would you put into your own words Margaret Fell’s advice concerning spiritual discernment?
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399. Matthew 18: Wisdom for Living in Community (by Martha P. Grundy Connie M. Green; 2008)
About the Authors—Martha Paxson Grundy has served widely among Friends through writing, speaking, and [leading] retreats and workshops. She has clerked in monthly, quarterly, and yearly meetings. She wrote Tall Poppies, PH Pamphlet #347. Constance McPeak Green, a hospice nurse for 32 years, worked with patients with end stage disease and their families. Connie offers workshops on “Intentional Living and Mindful Dying.” She is called to a ministry of listening and presence and has traveled widely among Friends.
[Introduction]—Friends have found over the centuries that in community we are enabled more fully to experience the presence of God. Joined in community we are able to offer a more powerful witness to the world, demonstrating an alternative way of living, and “letting our lives speak.” Over time, interactions with others expose personal foibles as well as gifts. Connie and Marty have discovered in Matthew 18 words that have come alive to guide us in our efforts to be faithful members of a Friends Meeting. The internal work that we understand Jesus in inviting us to carry out is not easy, and alone we are tempted to avoid it. The willingness to go forward and do what seems to be required has been nurtured by our shared listening, questioning and support. Seeing how the message of Jesus in Matthew reflected our own experiences was surprising and joyful.
Our common experiences & understanding is expressed with the 1st person plural. Passages in the 1st person singular are Connie’s experiences nurtured by Marty’s listening & support. We have drawn upon 4 different Bible versions: CEV; Priests for Equality; KJV; NRSV. Our touchstone is Love. We find 5 parts to the process in Matthew 18, & several steps within these parts. Skipping any of them tends to short circuit Divine Love’s flow, which comes from something far greater than ourselves & yearns to be expressed through us. When I found I resented someone, I was told to pray for them, asking that they be given what they needed [to become whole and healed]. I didn’t have to mean it; it worked. This prayer became an indispensable tool in my life & the basis for reconciliation as a spiritual practice.
Parts One & Two—The 1st part of the suggestions Jesus made to his disciples has to do with being like little children. [Read Matthew 18:1-5]. The 1st step in resolving meeting conflicts or tension between 2 individuals is for us to become humble—like a child. Healthy children: know they don’t have all the answers; trust; are teachable; innocent; receptive; obedient; expectant; curious; hopeful; & joyful. Adult behaviors to move beyond are: skepticism, cynicism, being guarded; being defensive; being angry; being weary; being discouraged. Jesus is tel-ling us there are things we need to learn—about ourselves and the situation. In addition we try to regard the other person as a little child. We aren’t asked to humble ourselves before the person as much as before God.
The 2nd part of Matthew 18 has to do with the way we treat other people and the creation of stumbling blocks. [Read Matthew 18:6-7]. If I react to the provocation of the outward behavior rather than listening carefully for the little child within, do I unwittingly create stumbling blocks that make it more difficult for that person to be as a “little child?” Is this passage meant to be a description of our community, rather than a prescription of how God is going to punish us? Jesus is not asking any of us to fix anything, [but rather to concentrate on ourselves and our own behaviors and] avoid setting up stumbling blocks for others.
We are asked to recognize that God loves them, and that they are very important to God. [Read Matt. 18: 12-14]. The “lost sheep” whom Jesus is so concerned about is that person I dislike in meeting. It is also me with my shortcomings. When I pray as I mentioned earlier, occasionally I may gain a sense of compassion or a new in-sight. Perhaps something I disliked is a reflection of something I have been unable or unwilling to see in myself.
As social beings we humans are constantly bumping up against each other with our opposing needs, viewpoints and issues. Each of us is a perpetrator and a victim. The outward reality we have observed is that sometimes a “sheep” refuses to be “found.” We are each called to do our own part toward bringing the lost one back, or coming back ourselves. [The childlike viewpoint] calls us to be tender with frailties and not make things more difficult for the other person by judging them. Our experience suggests that we are to welcome this person, on behalf of Christ, who longs for us to be welcomed together into his love.
[I once knew someone from meeting whose behavior was very off-putting]; I did not want to be in the same room with him. [I realized I was afraid of him, and prayed for his wholeness]. Ministry and Counsel needed to contact him and I discerned that I should be the one to do it. In the moment of our encounter, I experienced being suffused with Divine Love. The fear was absent and what transpired was a quiet, gentle, [sweet] conversation.
Part Three—The 3rd part in following Mt. 18 has strong language that once made no sense. [Read Mt.
If the Light shows us misuse of the “eye” or “hand” gift, or if its use has shifted & we haven’t changed with it, then this beloved gift is a stumbling block that must be cut off. One of my character defects is “intuition,” which is quick judgment of others. This use of a “gift,” has been a false seeing that I need removed; [its loss is painful]. How are Friends to do these spiritual amputations of “gifts” that aren’t helpful? Prayer or journaling may help. We may need to circle back & be as little children with humility, submissiveness, & trust. It is hard to identify a dear habit of mind or action as an obstacle that causes stumbling; it is very hard to let go of these habits. It has been discouraging to discover that rarely are these surgeries permanent; there is need for continual vigilance.
We understand the 3rd part of following Mt. 18 as a call to acknowledge our responsibility in difficulties with someone else, & to excise our resentments, fears, & prejudices. My work supervisor triggered fury & resentment in me. After several weeks of daily prayer for her I saw that I needed to make my part of the situation right. How do I make amends for expecting more than the other can give? I needed to cut out angry thoughts & stop speaking ill of her. After most of a year of prayer, we ate together & were able to admit our failings & humanness & to start anew. Anything we do to hamper love & reconciliation is a stumbling block. Matthew is saying, “Look, this is important. If you are putting stumbling blocks before other folks, stop—no matter what it takes.”
Part Four—Mt. 18: 15-17 is the 4th part of Jesus’ advice. We have found it unhelpful to attempt to follow the advice in these verses without the personal, inward preparation of the 1st 3 parts that leads up to them. We might ask: Am I feeling a threat to my self-esteem or image … to my sense of safety … to my control or power? What may God be trying to teach me through this unpleasant encounter? With an understanding of the preparatory steps, we turn to Jesus’ instructions to his disciples about the next part of the process.
[Read Mt.
In a small group exercise, I asked someone to stop who was going too fast, but never invited her to resume speaking, & didn’t approach her & apologize. She approached me to apologize after prayer. Her Spirit-led action opened the door for me to confess & ask forgiveness. Even if the other person remains adamant, we have found it important to do the inner work of clearing, of doing as God asks to heal the tears in the fabric of our community.
John Woolman wrote: “Having perceived a shyness [tension] in some Friends … I felt a resignedness in my mind to … have an opportunity with one alone … Things relating to the shyness were searched to the bottom … which was of use to both of us.” This procedure is for wrongs done to us personally. Sometimes this passage has been used to justify [“eldering” at its worst]. Others have found it a very useful reminder to take personal responsibility to reach out & work out disagreements. If a personal meeting does not produce reconciliation, Jesus goes on to another step. [Read Mt.
If grace hasn’t broken through to promote understanding, healing, & love, then the next step is to take 1 or 2 others, not to push an agenda, but to listen, to celebrate God’s grace or uphold the truth as spoken by both parties. If a small group is unable to bring reconciliation, perhaps after trying more than once, then Jesus spells out what to do next [Read Mt. 18:17]. “Telling the church” can be an unfamiliar & frightening suggestion for some Friends. [What started as a “difference” in Friends’ circles grows and begins to cause a tear in the community.
[After going through all the steps outlined earlier], an individual may come before the business meeting to confess the failure to reconcile & asks the community to hold them both in prayer. This step: allows the individual to surrender their part in the problem; it brings the problem into the Light; it brings a more powerful prayer presence into the process. My own experience followed the process, [however imperfectly] & ended with the other party leaving the meeting community. Old meeting minutes have many “differences” that Friends labored with.
[Jesus’] words seem harsh. If someone holds to a position out of unity with the sense of the meeting, what does the group do? Naming & facing disunity is the difficult but necessary step toward restoring unity. [We aren’t suggesting resurrection of disownment]. It can be helpful for the meeting to [do discernment of] what disunity means to it & what to do about it. Considering how he treated Gentiles & tax collectors, is Jesus asking us to maintain bonds of friendship with a person with whom the meeting must minute disunity with? [The individual needs to do as Jesus suggest; the meeting needs to witness to the importance of unity in our corporate life].
[Read Mt.
Part Five—The truth is that we don’t like having to get rid of our preconceptions & judgments. We don’t like being like little children. [Read Mt.
We should forgive again & again, [& at the same time be wise &] change our behavior so that we are less likely to be robbed, hurt by gossip, or be misunderstood. [The inevitable] new hurts are what we continue to deal with. Richard Foster suggests that in forgiveness we are releasing our offenders so that they are no longer bound to us; we are freeing them to receive God’s grace, & the offense no longer exerts power over me.
In our experience there is a direct, chicken-&-egg relationship between denying love to others & being unable to receive it. [Mt. 18:23-35 is a parable of someone who is forgiven, but who refuses to forgive another, & is tortured because of his lack of forgiveness]. When we hold on to anger or resentment, we keep replaying the memory of what happened to us, [thus torturing ourselves]. We are blocked from experiencing God’s love and joy.
We believe that these steps offered by Jesus in Mt. 18 can bring [any] individual to the place where they can lay down the burden of resentment, bitterness, guilt, and victim-hood. Forgiveness is letting go of those terrible things so they no longer control one’s mind. I came away [from a personal tragedy, and a global tragedy with a churning heart full of grief and confusion about God’s place in all of this anguish.
When I returned from my travels I had the good fortune to meet with a small group of Friends who were able to listen as I recounted my experiences of the last few months. In worship, these Friends were my container as I took my questions to God: How could my brother suddenly be gone? Why do genocide and abuse and disease keep happening in God’s creation? How can anyone possibly forgive? I saw myself and Christ, weeping together. What was required of me was to witness, listen, weep and see what love can do. I found myself filled with new energy and resolve to be of service in the world. Friends in community made this healing possible.
Final Thoughts—The way that Mt. 18 teaches us to deal with dissension & tension, & even with egregious wrong is straightforward & simple; it requires an inward change of heart. The inward process probably isn’t possible without prayer & grace. We become like children, humble & open to guidance; the other is seen as a child. We are shown those parts of us that are out of alignment. We ask God to remove or transform the offending part of ourselves. After working these steps we are now ready to go to the person who offended us, perhaps going more than once, accompanied by Friends the 2nd or 3rd time. We may take it to the meeting. We keep forgiving the person throughout the process. [The entire process is necessary to our spiritual freedom].
The Shepherd wants to bring each of us into the fold, wants us to receive & accept Divine Love & forgiveness. We have realized that this active work can stop at any point when reconciliation is reached & unity is restored or we forgive. For whoever does this whole process, Love can flow again, [& invite the other to join in that Love]. We are invited to join together in this Divine School of Love to learn to live together in love. Our testimony of peace begins in our own families and meetings by paying attention to guidance of the Inward Teacher.
Queries—How has the way that you relate to other people been guided by passages from the Bible? What are the healthy traits of a child and how can we show them in a health way in healing our relationships? What “stumbling blocks” have you seen in Friends meeting that may hinder a person’s spiritual growth and vitality? Have you ever prayed for someone you were angry at? What have you done to prepare yourself for speaking with someone who has upset you? What role can a Friends meeting play when 2 members have been unable to reconcile their differences? What does forgiveness mean to you?
Queries—How has the way that you relate to other people been guided by passages from the Bible? What are the healthy traits of a child and how can we show them in a health way in healing our relationships? What “stumbling blocks” have you seen in Friends meeting that may hinder a person’s spiritual growth and vitality? Have you ever prayed for someone you were angry at? What have you done to prepare yourself for speaking with someone who has upset you? What role can a Friends meeting play when 2 members have been unable to reconcile their differences? What does forgiveness mean to you?
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400. Finding the Taproot of Simplicity: A Movement Between Inner Knowledge and Outer Action (by Frances Irene Taber; 2009)
About the Author—Frances Irene Taber’s background is in Conservative Quakerism inIowa Ohio
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400. Finding the Taproot of Simplicity: A Movement Between Inner Knowledge and Outer Action (by Frances Irene Taber; 2009)
About the Author—Frances Irene Taber’s background is in Conservative Quakerism in
Publisher’s Introduction—This essay [was 1st published in Friends Face the World, 1987]. The many changes in our lives are challenging, ever more strenuously, our understanding and expression of simplicity as a personal testimony for us. One of the changes is the environmental sustainability problems. In the face of global warming and other planetary stresses, the environmental implications of our lifestyles loom over us. Another change is the role of electronic communications in our lives. Fran Taber reminds us of the spiritual intentions from which the simplicity testimony evolved. Friends’ testimonies are not the article of our faith, but the fruits of it. In examining our outward lives through the deepest truths we encounter inwardly, we may find a more meaningful role in our modern lives for what Quakers have called at various time: “plainness”; “moderation”; “simplicity”; and “stewardship.” There have been paragraphs restored and citations of source material added here.
To transform our whole nature requires us to be in the test tube body and soul, in other words a discipleship. Living without any sort of security, true discipleship is shaking our foundations. When we have gone down to the very crypt of our soul and discovered our true relations, we may discern the will of God. Sven Ryberg
Early Friends Find the Taproot of Simplicity—It may surprise some to hear that 1st generation Friends didn’t have a simplicity testimony. They saw that all they did must flow from what they experienced as true; they stripped away anything which got in the way. They called these things superfluities. Attempts to talk about simplicity without recognizing the intention to follow God all the way go around in circles [trying] to decide what is simple. The taproot is found when the realization comes that inner & outer lives are connected, that spiritual knowledge comes from a relationship between one’s inner & outer lives, & from free movement between the two.
Mary Penington was very much aware of this movement. Parker Palmer said: “You don’t think your way into a new kind of living; you live your way into a new kind of thinking.” Mary became very clear that for her inner peace would be connected with some outward changes, changes she couldn’t bear the thought of. Once the leap was made, & she was “brought off from all those things,” Mary found herself at last content. Thomas Ellwood “in obedience to the inward law … took off … lace, ribbons, & useless buttons … & I ceased to wear rings.”
These 1st generation Quakers found not only joy but power. Stephen Crisp writes: “And the cross of Christ was laid upon me, and I bore it. I came willingly to take it up … Oh, how glad was my soul when I had found the way to slay my soul’s enemies.” Crisp had tried the whole range of dissenting sects in Puritan England without finding satisfaction. When he made the decision to actually live in his own life what he knew was right, he felt a release from powerlessness. He had the confidence that as he kept that path he need not despair again.
Not all early Friends record the same kind of struggle about customs and fashions. Margaret Fell makes no mention of superfluities in her brief story of her convincement by George Fox. John Gratton “saw that the Holy Spirit did not allow of any superfluity,” and took a laced band off his collar. Gratton’s record suggests that as of 1671 no one was enforcing uniformity. John Banks found his prosperity “by being Faithful unto the Lord,” and doing what the Lord showed in the Light, even “in little and small Things,” [so as to avoid] “the loss and Hurt of many in their Growth and Prosperity in the Truth.”
“Live up to the Light Thou Hast, and More Will be Granted Thee” [Caroline Fox]—This movement between the inner life and the outward one which resulted in the testimony on simplicity was a pivotal one in their faith. [This testimony might be called a sacrament], with the outward life being a visible sign of the inner spiritual grace. Caroline Fox wrote of early Friends: “[The inner life is as] or more legible in the outward existence as in their most earnest writings; they … conceive themselves … as simply taking our Lord’s declarations & … translating them, however imperfectly, into Life.”
It is no accident that John Woolman is the Friend most often quoted on the subject of congruence between the inner and the outer life and the resulting simplification of the outer. Woolman was also far seeing in terms of the social implications of a simplified life. Fox had spoken of unity with the creation in personal terms. Woolman’s [concerns] were “the right use of things” “to apply all the gifts of Divine Providence to the purposes for which they were intended.” “God hath provided that so much labor shall be necessary for men’s support in this world, as would, being rightly divided, be a suitable employment of their time.”
“Every degree of luxury of what kind soever, and every demand for money inconsistent with Divine order, hath some connection with unnecessary labor [and with] some degree of oppression.” “Treasures, though small, attained on a true principle of virtue, are sweet; and while we walk in the light of the Lord there is true comfort and satisfaction in the possession.” “If I would be God’s faithful servant I must in all things attend to God’s wisdom, and be teachable, ceasing from all customs contrary thereto however used by religious people.”
The “tenderness” or sensitivity to truth which led Thomas Ellwood & John Woolman is still able to sensitize our consciences to the implications of our lifestyle to our spiritual growth & to the cause of justice. I have known one Friend [whose life spans the period between] a traditional & a mid-20th century interpretation of simplicity. [He began with a collarless suit-coat without a tie in his 20’s & progressed to] a fresh clean outfit of work clothing for the last 40 years of his life. He and his wife sold their wedding silver in order to have funds to help meet the needs of others less blessed than they felt themselves to be. With poverty-level income, they managed to live in frugal comfort and to give generously to help others. Simplicity has been a core or pivotal testimony, a way of honing and making oneself available to God’s work in one’s life, a necessary corollary to other testimonies.
Some 20th Century Witnesses—Sven Ryberg’s story as described in the Friends World Committee for Consultation pamphlet Return to Simple Living is a strong witness; he changed from the film industry to farming. He wrote: “The main impetus to leave was a most dim & unidentified feeling, growing more & more awkward, that we had to do something before ‘religion’ had run out … completely.” They searched for a live root to nourish their religion. “To live simply [won’t] last for long or work out positively if it isn’t part of an inner context.” “In our souls the Divine Seed has, by the Grace of God, begun to germinate slowly.” [See quote at beginning].
Wilmer and Mildred Young left professional life, teaching at Westtown School
A Contemporary Movement Toward Voluntary Simplicity—[The non-Quaker part of the simplicity current] is described in the book Voluntary Simplicity, by Duane Elgin. He writes: “one of voluntary simplicity’s principal qualities is an unfolding balance between inner & outer aspects of our lives.” The voluntary simplicity he advocates is congruent with Quaker experience. It shares 9 distinctive characteristics with Quaker testimony:
1. Elgin
2. There is a balance between attention to the outer and inner life and movement between the two.
3. Elgin
4. There is an awareness of personal empowerment [and effectiveness] as a result of taking action.
5. The appropriate level of consumption is one which takes into account the needs of all humanity, and does not prescribe a uniform standard of material wealth and possession for everyone.
6. People prefer work which provides a “contributory livelihood,” that is, work which gives “opportunity to support others … and to support a workable and meaningful world.”
7. A connection with directness & honesty in personal communication; “greater openness to physical contact.”
8. A spiritual, ecological, nonviolent activism seems to characterize their political orientation.
9. Developing congruence between one’s inner & outer life has led to contentment with life & to joy.
It is clear that Quakers are involved in the contemporary movement toward voluntary simplicity which Duane Elgin describes. Few of us are at the forefront of it. It is a challenge to our faithfulness to our own vision. Elgin
Our Personal Encounter with Simplicity—[Moving into a simplistic lifestyle] is an intensely personal journey and also an immensely hopeful one, both personally and for our planet. We must remember that it goes on by a constant movement between our inner and outer lives, and it may not be possible to tell in which place it begins. Thomas Kelly speaks insistently of the inner core of devotion in our lives and of how the effects of that seeps out through the texture of our days, rather like water from a hidden spring. He writes: “Quaker simplicity needs to be expressed not merely in dress and architecture … but also in the structure of a relatively simplified and coordinated life-program of social responsibilities.”
Mildred Young writes: “One Friend … found himself brought into that perpetual sense of the presence of God which is simplicity. In this Presence, he knew what work or travel he had to undertake, and what to lay down or leave for others. When called on to do work beyond his strength he found the strength to do it.” We live in a difficult era for simplicity; there are a great many choices. We have to live in constant awareness of our primary goals, and very consciously make our choices in the light of these. As we approach closer to simplicity, however, it can become our window into reality, our clarifier for murky places, the opener of our blind eyes.
Queries—What in my own experience reveals the way in which spiritual insight gains firmness & grows through putting into practice what I already? How does my understanding & use of the Quaker idea of concern simplify or complicate the direction of my energies? What could a sense of uneasiness be telling me about a conflict between my values & the way I live, or about a work I am called to? What is hindering me from responding? How could we as members of a meeting community support each other in our efforts toward simplicity? What circumstances might need to be changed to facilitate mutual support? What difficulties sometimes arise for children when their parents make changes to simplify their lifestyle?
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Queries—What in my own experience reveals the way in which spiritual insight gains firmness & grows through putting into practice what I already? How does my understanding & use of the Quaker idea of concern simplify or complicate the direction of my energies? What could a sense of uneasiness be telling me about a conflict between my values & the way I live, or about a work I am called to? What is hindering me from responding? How could we as members of a meeting community support each other in our efforts toward simplicity? What circumstances might need to be changed to facilitate mutual support? What difficulties sometimes arise for children when their parents make changes to simplify their lifestyle?
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