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               Foreword—I spent more than half of 2013 at Pendle Hill in Wallingford,   PA, and fell in love with many things about it. My latest passion is with their     pamphlets.  Here I have, after reading them, set down the most impressive     excerpts of each, with rare paraphrasing and additions of my own [in brackets].  Most of all I am impressed with the timelessness of these pamphlets, the old-    est of which go back more than 80 years.

341. Sickness, Suffering, and Healing: More Stories from another

        Place (by Tom Gates; 1998)

    About the Author—Tom Gates is a graduate of Williams College and  Harvard Medical School. He was family practitioner for 8 years before he, his     wife Elizabeth, and their sons, followed God's leading to Friends Lugulu Hos-    pital in rural western Kenya for 3 years. In 1997, the Gates family returned to     Lugulu for 2 months. They maintain a close working relationship with the hos-    pital and [the current doctors. In 1999, 3 family practice residents from Lan-    caster General Hospital where Tom works will do elective rotations at Lugulu  Hospital.

    Introduction—This pamphlet is an attempt to honor the requests to  commit some of the stories about our Lugulu experiences to writing; these sto-    ries are about specific patients of mine. I believe that in the matters of sick-    ness and healing, Africa has much to teach us, especially about the meaning     of suffering and mortality. We have forgotten the meaning and are in denial. I     use scripture in each story's beginning to convey its central importance for    Kenyan Friends. The description "nation of the book" [i.e. Bible] would fit    Kenya today.

            Homes sometimes have only the Swahili Bible, and each hospital bed-    stand has a copy of the New Testament, often in use. All life is religious. In     some small way, the Bible story began to feel like our own story, & we began     to find our story's meaning within the larger narrative's context. At one point     we were quite discouraged because all of us had been sick with malaria,     some more than once. Our friend Esther remarked: "It's the work of Satan—    he's trying to discourage you." Esther knew the cause of malaria, but was     more concerned with the meaning. We could see our malaria as a random,   impersonal event, or as a spiritual challenge to our call to serve in Kenya.    

    Stories are important to humans for their meaning, for fitting them into a  larger context and more fundamental meanings. Hauerwas and Willimon write:  "Story is the fundamental means of talking about and listening to God, the only  human means available to ... make comprehensible what it means to be with     God ... My life [story] is given cosmic, eternal significance as it is caught up  within God's larger account of history."

    Elizabeth—Save me, O God ... I am wearied with crying out;/ my throat  is sore,/ my eyes grow dim as I wait for God to help me. [Psalm 69: 1-3] After 2  months in Lugulu, I wasn't used to crowded hospital conditions, chickens wan-    dering through, or the enormous constraints a 3rd world economy places on     modern medicine. [But I was finally beginning to feel useful]. I saw a 16 year-old  boarding-school girl being carried to the outpatient building; I waited to hear  news. 

    Soon after, the hospital watchman came at a half-run, so I knew I would  find something more serious than a broken leg. She had begun to have trouble  breathing, & to have swelling in her face; it wasn't an allergic reaction. I realized  that, having been hit in the neck with a hockey stick, Elizabeth had fractured her  larynx, and air was escaping from her airway into the surrounding tissue, cau-     sing more swelling that would soon close off her airway, and she would suffo-    cate. [She began to implore me and pray].

    [I made an incision across her neck to release some blood and air, then  sliced open her trachea through swollen tissue and inserted a tube to draw in     air]. The air ambulance refused service because of uncertain payment; she     made a 2-hour drive to a private hospital, and recovered at a hospital in Nairobi.  [Her parents had been domestics for the country's President, who agreed to     meet her expenses]. 3 weeks later, she was back in school. I saw her once     after that, and what I initially interpreted as nonchalance or ingratitude, I have     since come to see as a fundamental cultural characteristic, a belief that survival  is never the result of blind luck, or even medical skills. Elizabeth knew that her  life was a gift, that God had spared her life for some greater purpose.

    Maximilla— ... I will sing of your strength,/ in the morning I sing of your  love ... I will sing to the Lord all my life;/ I will sing praise to my God as long as I  live. [Psalms 59:16; 104.33] With experience, I learned to recognize those who  could not be helped, but medicine is a very inexact science, and there were  always surprises. Some patients died suddenly and unexpectedly, while others  miraculously recovered, against all odds. The night Maximilla came to us, after  her family tried 2 other places, she had a temperature of 105, was barely re-    sponsive, with contractures of muscles, and deep, foul bed sores. She looked     like a nursing home patient, not a 18 year-old new mother. She was unlikely to  survive the night, let alone recover.

    We did what we could; her fever abated and she tested negative for  HIV. As she gained strength, it became obvious that something had hap-    pened to her mind. Her answers were monosyllables, and in her delirium she    would sing hymns loudly and off-key at all hours in a public ward with 30 other    people; it was her only communication, as if she might be able to regain her      previous health through it. The other patients were remarkably tolerant, per-   haps because they knew better than I that her healing would come through   singing; they would sometimes join in quietly. 

    Her singing became softer, less off-key, and actually pleasant to hear;     she began to eat and gain strength. Her singing, which had been such a trial     to others on the ward, became a blessing to all who heard her. Almost exactly     2 months from the day she was admitted, with bed sores healed and walking     with a homemade walker, she was discharged. Her child had somehow sur-    vived the long separation. I am not certain of the exact nature of Maximilla's     original medical problem, or her recovery. Somehow, her tremendous physical     and spiritual resiliency, her primal desire to nurture, and especially her singing,  might have unlocked otherwise hidden powers of healing. She gave new     meaning to the hymn entitled How Can I Keep from Singing.

    Janis "Cursed be the fruit of your womb ..." [Deuteronomy 28:18]—I  also have difficulty explaining why patients like Janis suddenly die. She came     to Lugulu out of concern that her baby was now 4 weeks overdue. It was dis-    covered that her fetus had died. Labor should have been spontaneous but     didn't happen. There were serious health risks & induced labor was called    for. In Lugulu, a midwife would count drops of pitocin going through the IV &    adjust the infusion rate by hand. There was danger of the uterus rupturing.

    After more than 2 days of increased pitocin, there were signs of immi-    nent rupture; we prepared for surgery. The surgery appeared to go well as I     sutured up the tear in her uterus. All of a sudden, Janis was not ventilating     and her blood pressure was undetectable. After 10 minutes of hectic activity,     it became clear that nothing was working. All of us instinctively gathered in    stunned silence to gaze on Janis' now-lifeless body. Amniotic fluid must have    entered into the systemic circulation, where it caused cardiovascular collapse   and death. I had never seen it before in over 2,000 deliveries.

    In typically African style, 2 old mama relatives began wailing and rending  their clothes. Within 2 hours, a large delegation of extended family members     arrived. The family prepared the bodies of both mother and child, loaded them     on the truck and arranged themselves around their somber cargo. They sang     mournful hymns on their journey home. Virtually the entire patient population  watch this scene in solemn silence.

    Janis had died because of a series of 4 increasingly unlikely events, a     sort of "bad luck to the 4^th power," ending with the incredibly rare entry of am-    niotic fluid into the systemic circulation. An alternative explanation was that     there was another woman claiming Janis' husband as father of her child, and     demanding he marry her; he refused. When the woman's father begged that     Janis raise the child, Janis refused. The woman's father pronounced a curse on  Janis and her pregnancy. For many Kenyans, the mysterious world of curses,  witchcraft, and black magic was very real; members of her husband's family     burned Janis' body. 
            In truth, much of what happens on the level of the individual patient is  beyond our ability to predict and control. [Sometimes the main factor is the     medicine; sometimes it is from within the patient; sometimes it is God's healing  touch]. A good explanation may be that of "being called home by God; some-    times "bad luck" may do as an explanation. On rare occasions, death seems     like a dark and malevolent spirit, independent of our individual lives, that re-   lentlessly seeks us out. This seems to me to be the best description of Janis'  death.

    Peter—Jesus said: "For mortals it is impossible [to save someone], but  not for God; for God all things are possible." [Mark 10:27] This is a story about     Peter Chemaya and typhoid fever. It is also about my education about what is     possible for mortals, and what is possible for God. Peter had been sick with a     high fever and abdominal pain for several days before he came to a Lugulu  health center in Kaptama. He was transferred to Lugulu 4 days later. 

    Peter did not seem that sick, but he had a subtle degree of abdominal  distension and a telltale, confused, apathetic, empty stare. A quick needle into     his abdomen yielded a syringe of pus. There was perforation of the small bowel.  Those more experienced than I in the needed surgery were unavailable. I was  going to have to operate myself. This was not my first surgery. Only the know-    ledge that there was no alternative, that this was Peter's only chance, gave me  the courage to proceed.

    The surgery itself went well. 7 days later, we found his dressing soaked  with pus and his surgical incision gaping open all the way down to his intes-    tines. I had to operate again, and now I was in completely unknown territory.     This surgery did not go well. I left his intestines undisturbed, cleaned his abdo-    men, and try to close the wound as best I could. The first week, Peter re-    mained critically ill, with no objective sign of improvement. Peter made me     promise not to do any more surgery. The drainage gradually stopped, & the     huge open wound began to heal from the bottom up. Peter began to eat, and  become a  little more active.

    Morning rounds at Peter's bed became more & more a welcome remin-    der of God's grace & healing power. Although only a quarter of the needed     money was raised, it was Christmas Eve, so we allowed him to be discharged.  For 2 months, I hardly spoke to Peter for more than a minute or two, & then     only about daily health issues. Yet there was a bond between us, the bond of     2 mere mortals who had stared into the abyss of the impossible, held hands     & leaped, & somehow found themselves together on the other side. Together  learned that with God, all things are possible.

    Collapsing Towers—Do you think [those who died under the towers]  were more guilty than all the others living in Jerusalem? No, I tell you; but un-    less you repent, you too will perish. Luke 13: 4-5. April 7, 1993, I went for a 5-    mile run at dawn. The roads were already busy with people [walking a long     way to begin their days at work, market, or school]. Often the school children     would delight in running with me for a few 100 yards. I sometimes felt like the  pied piper, with 10 or 12 children trailing behind. 

    Coming back to the hospital, I heard singing from the Lugulu Girls  Boarding School, with scores of girls leaving on Easter break. They carried     their luggage to the road to wait for a matatu ride home. Matatus were pri-   vately owned, covered pickups with benches; they were the core of the trans-   portation system in rural Kenya. A traveler will rarely have to wait more than      a few minutes before one comes along to take her in the right direction; the  system is efficient  & very flexible.

    [My morning free-time was interrupted by a rare phone call, saying my  presence was needed because of an emergency]. I ended up doing triage on     some of the 3 dozen girls waiting in the compound. I found 2 dead & 1 dying;   I pulled sheets over the dead bodies. Another died while her lacerations were     being sown up. An overloaded matatu had lost control and overturned on a     steep downhill curve about a mile from the school. A total of 4 Lugulu students     and 4 pedestrians were killed and over 20 were injured.

    The contrast of joyous singing earlier with 4 corpses an hour later was      a jarring reminder of how suddenly and cruelly death can impose itself into the  routine of our lives. We would rather blame the victims or even God than face  the possibility that some things just happen, for no particular reason. Jesus     makes 3 points [in the passage quoted at the beginning of this story] worth     remembering: God did not single out those who died for punishment; we all     share the same mortal fate that struck these victims; what is most important     is how we have lived. It is all the meaning I dare attribute to such a senseless  tragedy.

    Priscilla—Our hope for [God] is firm, because we know that just as     [Christ] shares in our sufferings, so also you share in our comfort. II Corin-    thians 1:3-7. I was sometimes confused when new nurses would come     through the hospital—some for a month as temps, some for training before     going to an outlying dispensary, some in preparation for permanent place-    ment at Lugulu. I took no particular notice of Priscilla's appearance in Lugulu.      Priscilla was made head nurse on the pediatric ward, which often had 30 to     50 sick children, in a 24-bed ward. 1 out of every 8 pediatric admissions died     during their hospitalization. 

    I soon came to see Priscilla as a trusted ally in my volunteered extra     work on the pediatric ward, where good medical care and attention could save  lives. Priscilla was an island of calm and compassion in near-chaos; over the  next 2 years, we experienced a great deal together. When I returned after a     3-year absence, I didn't find her right away. When I did, it was clear that her     appearance had changed; she had lost a lot of weight. I saw her again several    days later; she was in the hospital as a patient. I discovered she had oral      thrush, which I had medicine for. I told her it was important to find out why      she had it in the first place. She readily agreed to my suggestion that she be     tested for HIV. Her response to the medicine was dramatic; 2 days later she     was discharged.

    On my final rounds in the children's ward, where we so often worked  together, she shared the news that she tested positive for HIV. After talking     about how she didn't believe she got it sexually, I reminded her that HIV was     sometimes spread by needle sticks. She seemed comforted by thinking she     contracted it in the service of the children to whom she had been so devoted.     She had stopped taking the medicine, depending on God for her healing, as     she did once before. I prayed with her, praying to the God of all comfort in II   Corinthians. I saw in Priscilla's eyes the suffering of an entire continent,     where ⅔ of the world's HIV cases happen, to 20 million Africans, mostly     women and children, and most without basic medicines to help with symp-   toms. Was believing God would heal one of HIV & restore one's life,     great faith or denial?

    Over her last weeks, as life slowly left her emaciated body, she was said  to be comforted & consoled by her faith, totally accepting of her death. Did the  dying person achieve "acceptance," or was one stuck in "denial?" Unlike  dying in our culture, she didn't need a fatal illness to teach her acceptance;  death is a constant presence in Kenya. She learned what Paul wrote in Ro-   mans 14: 7-8: "For none of us lives for ourselves alone, and none of us dies for   ourselves alone. If we live, we live for the Lord; and if we die, we die for the     Lord. So, whether we live or die, we belong to the Lord."

    Epilogue—While being about my patients [& colleagues], the stories are  also valuable lessons to learn about those "other places" that don't necessarily  share our scientific and secular world view. For me, the other place was one     small corner of a particular country in Africa. The attitudes & beliefs to which I     am referring are in fact widespread in much of sub-Saharan Africa, judging from  conversations with those living in different parts of the continent, & from how  Kenyans refer to their own sensibilities. 

    Science has produced treatments & cures for ancient scourges, beyond  our wildest dreams. And yet, we in the 20^th century haven't eliminated suffering.  [From our choice of words, which speak of "suffer with," "suffer together," and     "study of suffering,"] we see a peculiarly modern idea of suffering: that suffering  is something to be [shared,] studied, controlled, & eliminated. No matter how  many diseases western medicine learns to cure, humans are still mortal; in the  end we all die of something. [Intensive care units], euthanasia, and assisted  suicide can be seen [in one sense] as manifestations of our modern belief that  all suffering is necessarily a form of pathology.

            Consider an East African proverb, which translates as "there is no me-    dicine for death." African suffering is seen as an inevitable and inherent as-    pect of life, and that one should not aspire to escape suffering, but rather to     suffer well, in a noble and worthy manner. We should not presume to elimi-    nate suffering. Poverty, tropical diseases, corruption, economic shortages,     and the AIDS epidemic are all daily realities for most of the African population.     And yet, those who have lived there can testify that deep joy, spiritual     meaning, and true community seems to bloom, like desert flowers amidst the     hardships of Africa. How can we account for the [African] paradox of joy     within suffering; where does the patience come from?

             Patience is the virtue that allows many Africans to bear the burden of  their suffering with such characteristic grace. This is what allowed Priscilla to     see God's healing even within her inexorable decline from AIDS. Africa taught     me that suffering, rightly understood, is integral to life, and certainly to the     practice of medicine. Before really modern medicine, physicians understood     that they were to be a "suffering presence" to their patients, a bridge from the      isolated patient's lonely suffering, a vital connection to the outside world of the    living. There are still times when what those who suffer need most is for us to    simply be with them, [bearing their burdens a little], and perhaps to redeem   their suffering by the telling of their stories.

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342. Beyond the Bars: A Quaker Primer for Prison Visitors (by 

        Keith R. Maddock; 1999)

    About the Author—Keith R. Maddock is a member by convincement of  Toronto MM (Canadian YM). He wrote: "It has been an important aspect of my     witness to share the high points and the challenges of passing through the bars  with others. My written reflections are testimonies to spiritual growth ... ope-    nings motivating us to act out of concern." Selections from this pamphlet have     been adapted from articles published in other magazines and journals (The     Canadian Friend; The Anglican Journal; Companion).

    Much depends on the spirit in which the visitor enters upon her work. It     must be in the spirit, not of judgment, but of mercy. She must not say "I am     holier than thou" [but remember] that "all have sinned and come short of the     glory of God." Elizabeth Fry (Visiting female prisoners in 1827)

    INTRODUCTION: A Quakerly Vocation/ The Volunteer Principle (A  Spirituality of Service)—About 4 years ago an older Quaker woman shared     her experience and wished for more volunteers to visit the local jail. Her plea     settled quietly in my mind and worked its way into a profound sense of voca-    tion. Now I am deeply committed to a volunteer prison ministry. Quakers were     religiously oppressed in 17^th century England, and imprisoned in some of the     most inhumane jails of their time. A Meeting for Sufferings was established to     tend to their needs. Visiting and counseling prisoners became a necessity. This  concern continues today. 

    The Alternatives to Violence Project, is now a world-wide movement  involving people from many religious and secular organizations. Alternatives to  traditional modes of punishment and help for discharged prisoners are long-    term  goals and commitments for social action and service. Visitors show in-    mates they have not been abandoned, and testify to the need for change &     compassion  in public attitudes toward perpetrators and victims of crime.

    We are living in a time of increasing volunteerism, especially in the  social service sector of our communities. Me may find our own lifestyles and     values challenged when we encounter the marginalized.  I 1^st responded    to a friend's call to serve coffee in a drop-in shelter for homeless men. I had a     sense of guilt because I avoided homeless people. I gradually opened to      them, and realized, through empathy, that my sense of God's presence and      purpose was becoming more powerful and vibrant. The advantage I have     over the homeless was a gift and an opportunity to serve those who were    less  fortunate; it "became the business of my life."

    We encounter many of the same people from drop-in shelters in prisons  and detention centers. Many of their crimes are the off-shoots of poverty—    addiction and theft. We need to be aware of the complexity of reasons for peo-    ple being arrested and held under such demeaning conditions. We are called     to offer a bridge to help them return to safe, stable lives and relationships.     There are safety concerns, but to experience the love transcending all our      prejudices and fears opens our lives to new hope.

    PROGRAMS/ Reflections on the Quaker Program—Group sessions    are the best settings for new volunteers to get the feel of prison life. The Qua-     ker program is supervised by the institutional Chaplain, who often refers spe-    cific individuals who might benefit from an informal approach. [Avoiding Bible     Study & prayer might help some, but it was a problem for others who bene-    fited from structure]. 

    The rule of thumb in city jail is to be flexible. One can expect obstacles    & unexpected interruptions. Our program centers on discussion of issues that    are important to the men present on any particular evening; it may be debrie-    fing after a stressful day. It helps to have other resources, like guest musi-    cians, musical instruments, videos, photo books, & paintings. We start & end      with silence, inviting prayers & inspirational words. We hope to leave them      with a feeling of unity & peace.

    Peter has been an inmate in the Don Jail several times, as well as     federal and provincial institutions. Much of his experience consisted of waiting:    for friends and relatives; opportunities to beg, borrow, or steal; to be arrested; at  many stages of the legal process. This reduced him to a passive spectator of  his own life-drama. He never had to wait for loneliness, frustration, and anger.    After attending our program, he began to engage his creative faculties, parti-   cularly drawing and painting. He often works in solitude, especially when   others are acting out. Yet he doesn't hesitate to show his pictures to anyone   with genuine interest in what he is doing.

    The Quaker program provides opportunities for men to express their  concerns openly, while seeking strength and comfort in a casual religious     setting. We do silence, check-ins, the topics that surface, & perhaps dialog.     Peter often has a lot to say, and his pictures are sometimes the topic of     dialog. He is one of many who have asked to speak to me in confidence in     my role as a volunteer chaplain. Men like Peter appreciate the opportunity to     express their concerns to someone other than the usual stream of more     "official" and routine prison visitors. The Spirit of God speaks through the     prisoners, because of the life issues that bring them into conflict with the law.    We encourage them to express their struggles and to celebrate the vibrant      colors of their inner lives.

    Remember My Name/ A Christmas Gift—I once was a substitute in a     Roman Catholic worship program in "super protective custody." There were no  chairs; we sat on a cold granite floor. They chose a few songs & sang them with  gusto. A few were articulate about issues & struggles they were grappling with.  We sang 1 last hymn, & named people we wished to pray for; we recited the  Lord's Prayer. A young man said: "Remember my name, won't you? If you see  me around, just call out my name." That young man's loneliness, expressed  with such candor, touched my need for affirmation & unconditional love, & for    my name to be known to another.

    Ray was an old-timer at the jail; in his mid-60's, he looked 10 years     older.  He was trying  to pray for a friend; I slowly realized the friend was his     cat. The Christmas is worst time for the lonely, in or out of prison. Ray didn't    ask for anything special this Christmas. He just wanted to pray for his cat,       even though he wasn't sure it would make any difference. [Other inmates      supported him in this for the rest of meeting]. Other volunteers and I were      acknowledged and  thanked. I responded that when I leave the prison,   especially at this time of year, I often feel I have taken away much more than I    have given.

    LISTENING FOR BEGINNERS: Listening in the Dark—One of the  insights I have gained from prison ministry is that people who have lost their     freedom often acquire wisdom through experience with the shadow side of life.  The 1^st & sometimes most difficult skill I have had to acquire is listening. [With  all the deep pain there is to hear in prison], the temptation to retreat behind     words is very strong. Listening is a matter of developing a sensitive inner ear.     To be sensitive to those who are living every day of their lives in darkness, it is  important to recognize the common ground of our humanity.

    Douglas Steere wrote: "To listen another’s soul into disclosure and dis-    covery [is a great service] ... and in listening we disclose the thinness of the  filament that separates people listening ... & God listening to each soul. What-    ever we call our ultimate power, it needs to respond to our need for connec-    tion and dialog. One of the most unhelpful things to tell a person in jail is not to  worry. The best I can say to someone who is worrying about lost faith in God is  not to lose faith in one's self.

    You won't Forget me, Will You?/ Building Bridges—I try not to com-    ment on what people say to me in confidence. They just want to know that  someone is listening. It is difficult to express sympathy for a man who admits     to having committed a violent crime. In prison, the survival instinct, reinforced      by conditioned behavior, teaches one to mask vulnerability with aggressive      acts or posturing. 

    Some days I find myself analyzing behavior instead of just listening, a     kind of survival technique developed by volunteers & possibly professionals in     this kind of setting. [Psychological terms need to be reframed as simple ques-    tions]. The inmate I used them with told me later he couldn't cope with the big     words. He spoke of his condition in much simpler words. He was teaching me    a  new language, one that spoke to my experience as well. He asked: "You    won't forget me will you?"

    Visits to individual inmates may need to wait until one has participated     in group programs for a while. It takes time to get one's bearings. Personal     visits involve a longer and more stable commitment, & aren't to be taken casu-    ally. In detention centers it may take weeks; in penitentiary, it may involve re-   gular conversations over several years. There will be issues of dependence,    projection & transference that will challenge the wisdom & perseverance of      volunteers & inmates alike. 

    There needs to be balance between trust & discretion, intimacy & per-    sonal security. Things may be shared with increasing openness. There are     also unspoken issues like loneliness, low self-esteem, and manipulation. We      should not neglect our own emotional and physical well-being as listeners. A      mature volunteer will make opportunities to reflect on the relationship on their    own or with another.

     The Spirit in Gaol—A young man from the West Indies asking for a  visit, walked into my office, glared at me and asked: "What's this all about?" I     reminded him of his request and he sat down. His eyes wandered as he spoke  of violent nightmares. He said he knew his eyes wandered; he picked up the  habit as a child when his father beat him. It was defensive, though other in-    mates might easily take it as a sign of hostility. A fragile trust began to deve-        lop between us. My 1^st impression was of a man not to be pushed around.     He had acquired his knowledge of religion from a very devout mother. He    was reading of Paul's shipwreck off Crete. The gradual opening in our rela-   tionship seemed   to result from a divine presence rather than through our own  efforts.

    Through being open to the positive energy experienced in other people  we may continually encounter a spiritual presence that permeates our world.     "Then you will come to walk cheerfully over the world, answering that of God     in every one" (George Fox). [I thought of the apostle Paul in prison]. The life      of prayer which he shared with his cell-mates had already released him from     the prison of his life, from the bars and walls which isolated him from the    world. 

    As the Spirit successfully challenges me to leave behind outside per-   ceptions and apprehension that I carry into jail, the walls of prison are con-    stantly dissolving as relationships of 2 coming together who are open to the    mediation of an Eternal Listener develop. In prisons, which stand among the      darkest shadows of our human society, the sense of divine presence is     particularly wonderful when it breaks through.

    LISTENING FROM EXPERIENCE: Pools of Anger, Mirrors of Light    I occasionally meet inmates who are difficult to look at. Their faces betray the     agony of struggle in a cruel and unforgiving world as a sort of unfinished por-    trait. Mark's face was as cracked and immobile as granite. His eyes however,     were like clear brown reflecting, returning my inquisitive stare with a subtle     invitation [to come in]. After he lost his job and family, he was hell-bent on self-    destruction; he wound up shooting holes in a convenience store ceiling. 

    An undertone of remorse began to rise to the surface. His eyes seemed  to be in full flood, as they overflowed and coursed through the cracks of his     parched flesh. He was once married, but a mutual weakness for alcohol drove     her away; he still hoped for reconciliation. Mark's eyes were pools of fire and     mirrors of light. I dared not look too long into their depths, lest they reveal the     ugliest man in my soul—and ultimately be confronted by the painful light that     guides us through our passion to our deepest hope.

     Through a Glass Darkly, but then Face-to-Face—After visiting about  a year, I was making a positive connection. He was a warm creative individual,  expressed what seemed like genuine remorse for his crimes. We prayed to-    gether, & sometimes embraced. He asked me to come to court sentencing.     When the clerk read charges, they were serious. When the prosecutor shared     details, I thought they were referring to a different person.

    There are those who see only the inmate's criminality; others, only re-    deemable qualities. Both need to be taken into account to have a balanced     perspective. Does one have a right to judge a person any differently after     discovering a side to their history darker than expected? I wrote a letter     to Jesus as though from solitary confinement: You said you were my friend &     now I'm calling on you to keep your word. You haven't come back [yet] ... we     keep on doing to others like you wouldn't want to know. I want to believe     [every word you said]. [The charges they read at sentencing], I thought they  were talking about another guy ... If you heard what they said I did—you said,     forgive them for they know not what they do... Don't give up on me, or leave     me in this hole alone.

            What About the Sexual Offender?—Within prison systems, & the sen-    sational media, sexual offenders are the most vulnerable to vigilante justice. As  a chaplaincy volunteer, my role isn't to ask questions about charges faced by  inmates. It is unhelpful, & unfair, to generalize. A young man was linked with     charges of domestic violence by a local tabloid, complete with photograph. He     said: "Just listen to me. [No one else wants to listen]." Every violent act in this     world is formed out a violent history, often beginning at an early age. Abusers,     knowing where they come from & what they have become, fear they can't     change. Are sexual offenders unredeemable?

    Ministry with sex-offenders is essentially no different from ministry with  inmates accused of other crimes. I assume their willingness to share their sto-    ries means that they are taking the 1^st step toward being honest with them-    selves. Occasionally they are very articulate and express genuine desire to     atone for their actions. Others may begin with blaming others. Only when tears  begin to appear, do I feel they are beginning to reflect responsibly on their own    lives. As to those who never ask for a chaplain, no one can ever force another     into self-revelation. When crime causes apprehensions within us, we can only     hope that by examining apprehensions we can begin to create a climate in     which others may come to terms with the truth and lead others to God.

    CONTINUING ACCOUNTABILITY AND SERVICE: Guidelines for     Visitors—My primer is limited to visiting men in the protective custody unit of a  short-term detention center, and is written in hopes of encouraging others to     serve in this difficult but enriching ministry. There are specific cautions for     women visiting men, taking into account the risks of sexual attraction and phy-    sical contact; discuss it with an experienced person. Many women may prefer     visiting in women's institutions. I recommend consulting the Friends Service     Committees or the prison chaplains in your community. Some general princi-    ples are:

1. Reflection on personal fears and prejudices is an important element        in being open to others.

2. Be respectful of inmates. Don't interrogate them for details. They will     disclose as much as they need to.

3. Be respectful of the guards and prison officials. Don't be hasty to     judge individuals & reports you hear.

4. In group discussions, avoid naming absent inmates or prison offi-    cials. Assure inmates of confidentiality.

5. The more you know about resources available to released inmates     the more helpful you can be to them.

6. Relationships may develop that seem worth continuing. If no restric-    tions exist, helping them find support groups, or locating a safe place for     them to live on their own may be the wisest course.

7. Explore your limits. You may find yourself too uncomfortable with     inmates to continue; that's okay. If you continue, I have found that a "com-    mittee of care," is a useful source of accountability.

           The Cost of Freedom/ Moments of Grace—One Thursday afternoon, a  man I had been seeing earlier came in. He had just been released, & had come  for his possessions. The official responsible for returning them was at lunch.     Rather than wait, the freed inmate shouted, "Hey, Keith, I'm a free man again,"  bounded down the steps & into traffic, still wearing his Toronto Jail overalls.     Although he had been enrolled in a series of drug & alcohol rehabilitation     programs, & had supervision, his behavior was the same. Discretion needs to     be used in offering help. Being able to refer released inmates to after-care     organizations is an essential responsibility of the visitor.
            I met someone familiar on Queen street. It took a few minutes to ask the  awkward question: "Have you ever been to jail?" I had visited him there at least  2 years before. Men look different when they are free, and out of uniform blue  overalls. They are more cheerful, but there is also a hint of fear in their eyes.  Another inmate confided, "I'm pretty messed up, but I do have moments of     grace." "Me too," I responded. Grace, mediated through the empathy of 2     people is reciprocal. I met [the Queen Street man again on a streetcar]. I was    so intent on conversation with him I almost missed my stop. He reminded me     and I got off and walked away in the direction of the Toronto Jail. That day my     conversations with inmates seemed to be brimming with grace.

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343 Quakerism and Science (by Calvin Schwabe; 1999)
            About the Author—Calvin Schwabe has been professor of epidemio-    logy, medical parasitology and tropical public health, and a researcher in     medical and veterinary science. He served with the World Health Organiza-    tion and remains a consultant to it. This pamphlet describes the complemen-    tary roles Quakerism and science have played in his personal pursuit of a     "gathered life." [He believes] more conscious understanding and cultivation [of     this complementary relationship will help] other individuals and society.

    [Introduction]—I affirm that science and Quakerism not only have  more in common than does science with other avenues of religious expres-    sion, but that wider recognition of that fact could encourage inner and outer      peace. Science seeks closer and closer approximations of the actual state of    nature through ongoing revelations. [Quakerism seeks] to identify and erase     [obstacles to] the life-shaping faith Jesus preached and exemplified. How   .   Friends worship becomes gathered is basic to my understanding of Qua-     kerism's relationship to science. [Sometimes] a Friend is moved to speak to       a particular insight or concern; [others sometimes elaborate]. 

    Not all Quaker worship meetings are obviously gathered. More often,  Friends are drawn to speak to very [diverse] concerns, and rarely a Friend     gathers a profound & cohesive synthesis of them. Those who share in such a     revelation sense that something deeply mystical has taken place; a hushed     contemplative silence envelopes all, & there is a truly creative religious expe-    rience. Sometimes a scientist juxtaposes, often by sheer chance, diverse     information & ideas that are rarely joined & insightfully visualizes a new scien-    tific hypothesis or solution.

    My epiphany was that the processes of scientific and spiritual creativity  that connected a gathered meeting with the creative leap in a research scien-    tist's mind are remarkably similar. In both revelations are generally accom-    panied by a profound ecstasy, which is often contagious. My search has been    to comprehend better what may be involved in such revelatory experiences.     Louis Pasteur noted that chance [juxtaposition of ideas] favors only a "pre-    pared mind." The vast majority of potentially important juxtapositions pass    unnoticed. Pasteur once said: "[It] is true, I have freely put myself among ideas  that cannot be rigorously proved."

    Creative scientists have understood that if observations & explanations  don't leapfrog one another, science loses a lot of dynamism. I came to realize  that many creative original happenings in science have reflected a religious-    type experience of seeking & unexpected revelation, [i.e.] a usually unacknow-    ledged mystical process. It is unacknowledged because religion's experiential     basis is absent among many creedal or dogmatic religions. Philosophers of     science have mostly neglected this creative aspect of important science, [as     opposed to the detailed attention given to the more formula-driven processes     of hypothesis-testing & proof. 
             [Arthur Koestler & Horace Judson speak of "innocence of perception" &  "innocent exuberance" respectively to describe the freedom from tradition         necessary to see something in a new light, through a flash of inspiration]. Most  publications limit themselves to how religion and science can be compatible     within individuals. I seek to introduce additional benefits to a wider recognition     and intentional cultivation of the more profound relationships of science to     Quakerism.

    Recognizing Parallels between Science & Quakerism—In my mid-    teens, I concluded that, to bridge any chasm between science and religion in     my mind, my religious beliefs must be able to withstand scrutiny by the same     criteria for evidence which my science was trying to observe, and the commu-    nity must be as open to continuing revelation as science is. I hadn't thought     to query about what the process of continuing revelations might require. I dis-    covered that early Quakers numbered among them scientists. 

    [The Quaker self-title of Seeker, as Arthur Eddington put it, "is a name     which must appeal strongly to the scientific temperament." Quakers and sci-    entists actively share among themselves their experiences and insights, in    the monthly meeting for Friends, in frequent gatherings to exchange findings     and insights for scientists. Neither group is particularly adept at explaining itself  and what it is about to the broader community.

    Seeking Life's Purpose—The joint convincement of my life partner     and I soon after our marriage [included] an almost religious calling to apply     usefully our acquired skills and knowledge to satisfying basic human needs,     [particularly] within the emerging 3rd World right after WWII. I worked within    health and food needs; we both served in education. Early on we learned how   Friends applied their religious insights & skills to real, often highly intransigent    human problems. 

    The Quaker movement actively supports its adherents' personal con-    cerns. [Early Quakers understood] that the inner-directed contemplative life      of a religious seeker and an outward directed life of right action, are not mutu-    ally exclusive. The Quakerly revelation about life's possibilities provided     enormous relief. People making statements that science and religion are im-    placable opponents are insufficiently informed about the potentials of one or   both. 

    Science and Quakerism have obvious and important differences. Their     traditional subjects for inquiry have been quite different. As a scientist and     Quaker, my curiosity became aroused about what a [Creative] Force's proper-    ties might be. Could underlying principles explain those qualities? I began  to feel that science and Quakerism were sometimes synergistic in the insights  they revealed. 

    Being complementary is simply an additive relationship; synergism in-    troduces a multiplier. The scientific phenomenon of attractivity provided the     rational linkage between the bases for creativity and order in a Master God-     Force underlying science, and a behavior-influencing God. God is the variously  manifested Attracting Force in the universe which brings the most diverse     things into interaction with one another more frequently than by chance. God,     in its most commonly perceived role of creator and behavioral guide, is the  Master Attractor and Bonder in the universe.

    I learned coincidentally that Isaac Newton's and George Fox's lives  overlapped by 48 years. Although each was confined within some of the main     theological precepts of their time, they were open within those limits to highly     perceptive personal insights. Both stretched institutional and authoritarian     constraints to their maximum.  Both recognized and responded to new expe-    riential prompting that paved the way to less self-conscious interactions be-    tween science and experiential religion.

    It can be spiritually inspirational to know what Paul, Jesus, Moses & the  prophets said. But their words as sole sources of revealed religion may need-    lessly thwart one's continuing spiritual growth.  George Fox realized that     creeds,"steeplehouses," & paid clergy, could impede the process of exploring     ourselves for "that of God" within each of us, and of personally responding to     these revelations in how we live. Arthur Eddington stressed that "religious     creeds are  an obstacle to sympathetic understanding between science and     religion." 

    [I also discovered] their complementary, even synergistic potentials for     pursuing callings to social service. I deliberately juxtaposed my disciplines/     professions/pursuits/objectives in ways not commonly related to one another by  most. I tried to visualize & pursue the potential benefits of such connections in     seeking knowledge and offering service.

    A Complementary Journey—How do observed qualities within bio-   logical systems reflect influences of some transcendent, purposeful,     principle or force? I chose the reductionist approach in exploring bio-chemical  bases for the development of diseases in humans & animals that are caused by  parasites.  I also placed emphasis on the effects of other variables among     populations at risk. I began to sense that a [combination of] holistic and reduc-    tionist perspective about research, if observed more generally in science, might  help bring comprehension of science & religion closer together, & [a harmony  between them]. 

    Quakerism encourages one to gather [all worldly &] spiritual aspects [of  one's life] into a purposeful whole, a "gathered life." [Within my long list of glo-    bal concerns], I came to see each issue as potential avenues for application of  my training in objective reason [& connections between the issues]. I believe  [George Fox today] would urge us to consider insights of all the non-Christian  spiritual traditions, [as he viewed] it as potentially universal, "a great people to  be gathered."

    Neither the route of science nor of religion can substitute for the other in  visualizing resolutions to complex social problems. The experiential insights of     Quakerism and science together could bring synergy to inquiries and actions.  Subjective awareness of connection between things which Friends cultivate,     could and should be more consciously recognized and encouraged within sci-    ence. [And not only] Quakers and scientists, but also politicians, economists  and philosophers of science should explore it jointly. Constant pressures to     function simultaneously within isolated, insufficiently interactive or compatible     compartments of life I feel impose a substantial extra burden on many Western  Friends today not imaginable to George Fox in 17^th century England.

    Creativity and "Subjective Awareness"—Almost all religions associ-    ate creativity with the Divine. Creativity is making different or new things from     previously existing, more mundane, less consequential things. The result of a     seemingly simple creation of a place from [thoughtful placement of ordinary     objects] may be as awesome and contemplative as the most magnificent     cathedral's interior. W. I. B. Beveridge wrote a book entitled The Art of Scien-    tific Investigation. Science is both highly cooperative, and introspective, with     [creative] flashes of scientific insights coming through juxtaposing things within  individual minds.

    What some seek in spiritual centering is a "worldly thought" void or     vacuum into which purer signals or insights can reveal something deep, spiri-    tually important. Centering necessitates sufficiently reducing its normal clutter     to a point that one can sense meaningful connections among some previously     unconnected things. Possibilities for new connections, without a centering     silence, are easily lost among extraneous mental impulses that otherwise clog     the synapses of our internalized internets. [Chance contributes to science at     least 3 ways]: chance observation of a curious fact and research into the why;     chance realization of the answer to a problem one has been seeking; rarely,  discovery of the answer to some important question one had not sought.

    I was investigating effects of a hormone in a particular lobster species      on enzymes affecting muscle and liver cells. There was a measurement pro-    blem in the wide variations of color in lobster liver homogenates. Further,     those colors were superimposed on another color of a chemical used to make    measurement possible. [The wide range of baseline values from lobster to     lobster was so great that final analysis of our results yielded insignificant ef-    fects from the hormone under investigation. 

    As I lay thinking one night about how to attain significant effects from  our research, I also thought about a seemingly unrelated article about placing     crabs in their respective molting cycles. If we classified our lobsters by molt     cycle phase, we could examine our measurements of hormone activity     through analysis of variance that took the molt phase into account. This     chance juxtaposition of seemingly unrelated facts permitted us to demon-    strate significant activities of that hormone. I had not yet related this chance    juxtaposing in science to Quaker worship, an experience to which I had yet to  be exposed.

    Lying partially awake at night is when I have experienced most of my  more profound scientific insights or unusual synthesis of ideas. I have become  reasonably adept at writing semi-dozingly in the dark. I began to sense the     broader potentials of interaction between science and Quakerism in facing  some critical social problems and human needs. 

    These would involve creative processes informed by subjective aware-    ness [or innate convictions] of connections among things. Unexplained flashes  of insight would enable or encourage a person to creatively perceive diverse  things in new and meaningful relationship to each other. The integrating ingre-    dient leading to new subjective awareness seems to resemble the Quaker's     Inner Light. How revelations happen is currently impossible to explain scien-    tifically. How may subjective awareness [of unusual connections] be de-    rived or fostered within science? In my search I was constantly drawn back  to the importance of Pasteur's "prepared mind," [especially] in the context of  unexpected revelations.

    A Prepared Mind—How does a prepared mind imply a personal ex-    periential background receptive to a particular revelation? I had begun in     my 30's to speculate about the overall creative process in science. My most     unexpected and consequential chance opening involved the prepared mind     necessary to answer an important question I had not even thought to ask. [In     1961], I served as the World Health Organization's principal consultant on the     hydatid disease, a parasitic infection that behaves a lot like cancer. The Tur-    kana, a pastoral people of northwestern Kenya had the highest known rate of     this infection in the world. In my field studies, I transected the spine of cattle     to count the number of this parasite on each cut muscle surface.

    I was later taking a trip up the Nile to Cairo, & I would be continuing field  work begun in 1957, comparing ancient Egyptians with the similar, present-day  "cattle-culture" of the Turkana & Maasai people. [The bovine species had stri-    king cultural & economic prominence with Egyptians, from earliest times     through dynastic times. Religious rituals involved sacrifice & dissection of bulls  by priests. One major mystery had been the origin of the Egyptian ankh sym-    bol (a "T" with an oval on top). Virtually all their hieroglyphs were originally     pictures of things familiar to priests. I had seen bulls' vertebrae many times      before, [but not while thinking about Egypt & the ankh]. Similarities between      the symbol & the vertebra were alike in virtually every detail. 
            [The initial], pure chance realization of the ankh's anatomical origin led  to studies & insights into early Egyptian beliefs about the male's role in repro-    duction. The studies combined biomedical & anthropological observations with  more conventional approaches to studying Egypt. [Traditional Egyptologists     could never have had a mind sufficiently prepared in bovine anatomy] to reveal  the ankh's anatomical origins. I see the more & more consciously gathered,     [integrated] life is a vital implementor [in considering] the context of any specific  problem or action area. 

            Encouraging Revelation/ Conclusion—One totally untested device    toward purely scientific ends would be to attempt to apply Quakerism's unique     practice of "collective mysticism" to the creative process in scientific research.     This new method is intended to bring [well-prepared minds] together to per-    ceive diverse things in a new light, or to share the most "far out" or most pri-    vately held notions & generate new ideas. 

            W. I. B. Beveridge, author of The Art of Scientific Investigation, and I     began exchange ideas about the encouragement of "unexpected revela-    tion." He wrote in Seeds of Discovery: "A fundamental shift of outlook on the     part of scientists [generally] might bring a harmonizing relationship of sci-    ence and ... mysticism, might open the frontier between objective knowledge   and subjective awareness." It could accelerate the rate of truly creative  breakthroughs in science.

    One way to encourage better prepared minds for breakthroughs in     complex social problems, would be to interface whole fields, disciplines, or  [professions] which rarely interact. I have attempted to exploit extensive, sel-    dom recognized interfaces between human health & veterinary biomedical sci-    ence. Veterinary science maintains important ongoing research & services to    agricultural & medical science, relating to food production & diseases trans-        missible from animals to humans, respectively. 

    Sufficient food, livable environment, & humane values in society usu-    ally fail to elicit much governmental priority until they assume significant human  health proportions. Recognizing that veterinary medical science has signifi-    cant human health implications in meeting basic human needs has "gathered"   diverse professional objectives in ways which encouraged insights about    possible new social actions [eventually carried out by different sectors of    government working in concert].

            To understand what this might entail in practice required recognition that  governmental veterinary services have been the sole form of service outreach    to serve successfully 30 to 50 million migratory livestock-keeping, pastoral  people, [whose lives focus on the welfare of their livestock]. Health and other    basic services could easily be grafted on to this experienced veterinary vehicle  through local cooperation of government sectors. 

             UNICEF- and Oxfam-assisted medical-veterinary cooperation succee-    ded in the mass vaccination of  these people's children and their cattle at the  same time against major diseases. Revelations about novel social actions re-    quire the same openness of mind and enlightenment as do scientific research     and the gathered Quaker meeting for worship. Cooperation [in social action]  will depend on well-prepared minds and gathered lives to become realities.

            Among today's more critical social problems are: [quality], temporal     limits and manipulation of life; [balancing] preservation of a livable environ-    ment while satisfying need for food and jobs; examining humane values be-    tween other animals and us; balanced zones between the common good and    individual rights; understanding [and prevention] of causes of violence; human    dilemma of altruism vs. selfishness, individually and collectively; [etc.] 

            Fruitful inputs to social issues from religion into science might include:  moral/spiritual/ humane insights; altruistic and creative motivations of scientists;  [application of Quaker methods promoting openness to revelation and subjec-    tive awareness]. Inputs from science to religion could include: appreciation of     the importance of continuing revelation and an open mind; causal thinking and  conceptualizing connections among things; an avenue for seeking from a sci-    entific perspective. Cultivating connections between science and the Quaker     stream of religious experience might mean acquiring new knowledge, facilita-    ting solutions to social problems and achieving a greater sense of personal  fulfillment.
              Quakerism's relevant experience is a melding of continuing inner     search with useful daily living experiences. Science's relevant experience is   systematically observational and experimental, but still with a similarly     mystical access to enlightenment. They both reject dogmatism and recognize      the need for open, prepared minds, which are encouraged by gathered lives,     where varied spiritual, work, familial, recreational aspects co-exist harmo-    niously and interact productively. In concert, they have a largely unexploited     potential to interact to personal and social advantage. To the degree scien-    tists contribute to a sustainable planet, promote humane values, and are not    prostituted for antisocial ends, no conflict should exist [between them and]     Quaker faith and practice.

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344. Dancing with God through the Storm: Mysticism and Mental 

        Illness (by Jennifer Elam; 1999)

     About the Author—Jennifer Elam is a licensed psychologist who has  studied Quaker spirituality & Christian contemplatives & mystics. Sally Palmer     became her art mentor at Pendle Hill during the 1996-1997 school year. Jen-    nifer's media includes painting, writing, dancing, body prayer, drumming, book     arts, paste papers, & life. She has led over 100 courses, workshops, and re-    treats in Arts and Spirituality. She has written 4 books. This pamphlet grew      out of the work she did to integrate her career with her spiritual life.

    Preface—God has always been central in my life. [As a 12-year old], I  began asking questions, the answers to which I couldn't find in church. In     college I sought answers through social sciences. With Quakers, I was chal-    lenged to find my unique path to God without rigid rules for seeking truth. I     began to have experiences my profession would call "delusional." I didn't have   a proper framework for understanding or naming my experiences. [My seeking  brought me to Pendle Hill, contemplative life, and art. The desert fathers and    mothers had experiences similar to mine, & art was a way of letting the Holy     Spirit's energy flow through me]. At a conference for Quaker mystics, my 2     parallel tracks of child of God and psychologist met, clashed, and had to be     reconciled.

Introduction—At a conference I led, a participant asked me to "dance  your mysticism" in worship. I led them in a body prayer and they joined me in     the dance. God choreographed that moment of worship, as I danced a     connection of my physical being with the Divine. It was a union of that of God     within me to that of God not in me, with joy the offspring. I am to allow and     appreciate the gifts provided for me to do the work. The gifts include images,   voices, Presences, and languages that sing and dance; they include sepa-    rations that give a glimpse of a black pit so that I can discern right way in    the moment.

           Mystical experiences give me a glimpse of where true art, science, and      religion come from. At Pendle Hill, I designed a project to support what I was     learning. [At 1st I used my old social sciences methodologies]. Then I studied     the Gospels like never before and continued my conversations with God. [I     studied] Christian Mysticism, consciousness literature of the transpersonal     psychologists, writings of early Quakers, and classical mystics. The [once]     frightening experiences have become beautiful & personal metaphors & sym-    bols of my deepest inner life.

    I have become aware that some people don't have others to accom-    pany them on their journeys; "accompaniers" are needed. [There is uncer-    tainty in accompanying another]. One doesn't impose distinctions of: true or     untrue; authentic or inauthentic; of God or not of God; mystical or mental ill-    ness. [One must honor the one being accompanied] and their unique experi-    ences, allowing them to discern their own distinctions. It feels safer having     doctrines and rules in religion and social sciences, but I don't believe it is     safer. Real safety comes from seeking an ever larger Truth. [I have limited my     search] only to provide a boundaried structure within which to seek.

    Some, like Quakers, have safe places in which to share their experien-    ces. Many do not share mystical experiences because they are afraid of being  labeled crazy or formally diagnosed as mentally ill. The way of helping required  in this accompaniment role is different. I wanted to hide behind my professional  role & distance myself from what I was hearing in mystical experience, because  it triggered a part of myself that frightened me. An accompanier must be willing  to know this part of oneself. [in spite of fearing] the fullness of God; they must   be careful not to project that fear onto others.

    This pamphlet is a glimpse of blessings I have received in being an ac-    companier. [The desire of mental health professionals to change how we treat     mystical experiences] is strong. This pamphlet introduces my leading to ad-    dress this concern & an invitation to Quakers to [join] in helping integrate the     mystical.  Here are stories of 10 others [with varying degrees] of knowing   God's presence & / or the transformation of lives. 

    I reflect on the mysticism & the mental illness in what I have heard.  Then I describe a journey, a compilation of experiences that were repeated in      many stories. It is a glimpse of the mystical that involves interweaving sci-    ence, intuition, [spiritual guide, &] art. [I seek to smooth the rough edges of    the integration of these different voices]. Each person has a unique prism     through which to view mystical experiences. This pamphlet will serve its     purpose when each listener feels drawn to the Source of creation & can con-    nect with the  Love & Truth [shared in these stories].

    Called to the Presence—Anne is a Quaker woman aged 70 who     taught in Quaker schools all her life. She said: "I was walking into meeting     with the kids. There was this [timeless] moment ... of being part of a great     unity and of being loved ... of being at one with God ... It was an experience      of absolute knowing and [extreme Truth]. Mysticism is a God-connected     experience ... I see a Quaker leading as like a mystical experience.

    Abbie is a Quaker woman aged 65 and a teacher. She has had many     openings, starting at a young age, that she needs to integrate into her life. She  said: "When I was 8 or 9 ... I was quite upset that I hadn't been able to stop my  dog's death ... [In the woods I cried and] was awakened by an enormous light  that illuminated the woods and comforted me [with] a knowing, 'You are loved  and all will be well' ... I had a dream [in which] there was terrifying energy ...  Now I see it as the opening of ... energy from the Spirit ... [I have] an image of  Jesus walking toward me ... I needed integration of the mystical aspect of my  life ... with the rest of my life."

    Patti is a Quaker woman aged 50 who has experienced God in "qua-    king" and in leadings for service. She said: "I have had a sense of being in the     presence of Reality, the unity of all things God, and of guidance and feelings of  a comforting presence ... the 1st was at age 8. It would have been helpful ... to  speak to others ... who could help me put my experiences in perspective. [Since  age 43,] I have been able to talk about these experiences with others who have  had similar experiences."

    Tom, 50, experiences God in nature, and said: "I didn't see an eagle. It  had to do with the looking, preparedness, waiting, and the desire to see being  so great. It was an instant ... beyond time—endless.

    Ralph, 49, has had passionate experiences of Christ. He said: "I sur-   rendered my will to God in meeting for worship, had a vision of gray-white    robed hands coming down and resting on my shoulders ... and a gray-white    home-spun woolen robe next to me on the facing bench ... I entered a new      level of stillness that didn't end with meeting. 2 years [later] the stillness is still  available to me ... I never felt as though I was going crazy ... My purpose in life    has changed from improving the City of Man to upholding and bringing forth     the City of God ... I am suspicious of a mysticism which disdains the affairs    of daily life."

    Called to the Presence—Margaret is a Quaker, aged 51, who strug-    gled with her leadings; then her ministry became clear. She said:  "The first     time I was aware of the mystical was over 6 years ago in meeting for worship     after my father died. I felt embraced by love—an almost physical feeling of     God's arms around me. Worship was also filled with messages and each one,    spoken by total strangers, spoke directly to me. Out of that worship grew a   clear call to ministry [and reconciliation, to reconcile with a damaged relation-   ship, my call to ministry, and painful abuses of the past through counseling].     

    Marjorie is a Quaker, aged 52; her ministry has emerged in leadership     among Friends. She said: "At age 21, I began a science teaching career which  ended abruptly with a nervous breakdown & suicide attempt ... I had a mystical  experience when I was 28, [although I had] previously thought of myself as an  atheist ... I was somehow taken up into the mysteries of the Universe ... I felt  connected to a benevolent power that is hard to express in words ... This one  experience was sufficient to determine my life thereafter ...
           Some months later I fell into a strange depression, [different from the  suicidal depression of years before] ... Given the profound mystical experience  ... I feared I was going mad ... I had an amazing dream; [accepting an offer] of  the Kingdom of Heaven [would mean] that I would die. I felt called to stay in the  world in order to help others find God ... My spirituality has grown and blos-    somed over the years. The conflict [between beliefs within Friends] is like a     stormy sea in which the deeper you go, the calmer the water becomes. I think  my purpose is how I can encourage such depth.

    Annie, age 43, attended Quaker meeting for many years but has not     found a faith community elsewhere. She believes her several [psychological]  hospitalizations have been an important step in bringing her closer to her    unique path. She said: "In my last job as a corporate trainer I broke down. I     had a mystical experience and traumatic childhood memories [returned] ... It  took 3 psychotic episodes to break down the old, idealized self-image ...  "Voices" led  me to do [crazy] things. The craziness cleared the way for a     new self to grow— one capable of setting boundaries, speaking truth, & dis-    cerning  the way."

            "Before my breakdown I was unaware of the importance of containers.      At the time of the breakdown, I was very open and had good access to mate-    rial that had been buried for years. The issue was not opening up more mate-    rial, but simply working with and containing what was now conscious. To build     a container, one must first know how critical it is. Psychic material is like pre-    cious water. It needs to be held safely so it can be processed, resolved and     learned from; the sturdier the container, the safer it is. How do you create a     safe container [for the more volatile, difficult memories of life]? What     needs to be held, for how long, in what circumstances? Sources for con-    tainment [include] a journal, a therapist, [a people network], activities, small     groups, and communities. You need a good match between what needs to be  contained and the container."

           Jean, age 60, is a Quaker who has been a nurse. She feels strongly that  the medical profession wasn't helpful to her. She said: "In 1984, I had an expe-    rience of being opened in ways that I had no prior concept of. [I had heightened  sight, hearing, & smell, the last sense being without outer explanation]. I was   part of historical events [as though they were] taking place now [e.g. crucifi-    xion, holocaust]. I was experiencing tremendous love & power ...  & a new &   strong sense of inner guidance that gave me strength to accept what was hap-   pening. I was unable to watch or read about violence ...  [without] reacting as if  that violence was occurring to me ..."

   "The explanation that fits my experience is the "kundalini awakening"    described by Hindu tradition & early Christians. Many are able to accept &     eventually integrate [this] into their lives. Others are frightened & try to for-    get,  or to find help through the medical system, becoming labeled as "mental-    ly ill" ... I knew I was having a spiritual experience. I also knew there was no     way I could convince anyone of this ... During my 10-day stay in a psychiatric     unit, I did not speak of my experiences ..."

    "There was no support from others for what I was experiencing ... I was  able to cope with changes because of the sense of a loving guidance & support  within myself that was the source of my strength ... I became aware of where to  find answers to what had happened to me ... A person needs to tell what is     happening to them without judgment on the part of the listener ... Health Care     professionals don't understand these experiences so they need to take a     learning perspective rather than seeing themselves as experts; they are not in  [the spiritual] arena. [They need to] listen to and respect the experience."

    Helene, age 20, is a Quaker who was hospitalized for 10 days for a  psychotic break, apparently feels no shame about it, and was only supported     and not shamed by her mother and community. She said: "I see mysticism as     the drama of a human psyche opening to, relating to, a wider consciousness.     Among my experiences has been an extreme feeling of openness and love, a     swelling of spiritual and psychological energy. The episode was a necessary     growing point to see far and feel deeply. The rest of me had to catch up. In the  hospital they let me have the space I needed to write and process what was     going on inside of me; that was helpful. I treasure my experiences and don't     wish to have others' skepticism color them. The episode began when I felt I     had to look for my Source outside of self. I would love to hear about the expe-   riences of others.

            Relationship of Mysticism & Mental Illness—What is the effect on a  person's soul of declaring God experiences "inauthentic," "false," or     "delusional?"      How does it feel to have to choose between denying     ones [spiritual] center [in deference to] society's demands, & getting     stuck with the label "crazy?"      How do we respond to the conflict     between society's demands & our own [spiritual] experiences?      At     what cost?

            There is no clear, [universal] line between what is & isn't mental illness.  There are only judgments & assessments made in relation to our experience &  other's experience. Often experiences get labeled pathological when the as-    sessor doesn't understand them or hasn't dealt with unacknowledged fears. I     believe we have often set overly self-protective boundaries harmful to those we  assess. What are the common overlapping experiences [of those labeled  mystical & those labeled psychotic]? If expanded consciousness experien-    ces are of low intensity & one has a religious frame of reference, it is labeled     religious or spiritual. If the experience is intense & unfamiliar & the person is     unable to contain & integrate the experience positively, it is likely to be labeled  illness.

            When we don’t honor that call we often become impotent in our actions.  With more resistance, our lives go from impotence to alienation [and God’s  “absence.” Behavior in alienation can easily be] labeled psychotic.

    Elements of Mysticism and Mental Illness—[I found many of the     same elemental experiences in different accounts labeled as either mystical or  mental illness]. Helene agreed with psychiatrists that mysticism and mental ill-   ness  are made of many of the same experiences. She believed that none of     her experiences needed to be pathologized; they all had a purpose. I disco-    vered a description of the journey to God. These journeys have [in common]     stages that I describe as: calling; fork in the road; alienation or connection.      [The journey may start in childhood with a deep sense of connectedness with     God. With the calling] something different happens inside. 

    Further openings to God often occur when our usual defenses are     lowered or overwhelmed; we are left vulnerable. The stronger the person is in    terms of things our culture values (good job, prestige, political status), the   harder the fall must be to render us vulnerable and open to change. When    one is vulnerable, regardless of [being spiritually or psychotically inspired], the   outward behavior looks the same. We sometimes experience openings as a   result of seeking; often they come as a gift of grace. People become aware of   [God's] presence in the form of help, guidance or consolation. Other signs  may include heightened senses and body movements like quaking.     

    Dreams [at all times of the day, sleeping or while awake] become more  meaningful. While we often feel a strong desire to tell our experiences to   others, words seem inadequate. Their meanings have changed, and we are    not sure what they mean to others. Creative expression becomes a more    effective means of expression. Logic and linear thinking that have served us    well in the past no longer serve. [The focus of our] concentration may change.   There is a sense of needing to do God's work as was intended for us to do.

    Some report "psychic" experiences. They seem to be possible because  we have been opened to what we usually don't have access to: the spiritual     realm. As we go deeper, the voices and visions continue and become stronger.  Temporal and spatial boundaries are altered in many ways or are transcended.  Many experience a Dark Night, and describe it as having their lives stripped,  much as the layers of an onion are stripped away. The stripping causes many  changes in life. When there are drastic changes, there is a sense of loss, and  grief, with its denial, rage, depression, and eventual acceptance. Our lesson is  to learn faith and to know that God is there.

    A hard part of this Dark Night includes a pull toward nothingness; all is  gone except the pain. Our deepest fear is of non-being and nothingness. How     are we to give the pain to God and trust, when God seems to have     abandoned us, [when there is no sense of God's presence?      How are    we to jump into nothingness with faith without evidence that it makes     sense to do so? We are to know that the darkness is warm and full of cre-    ation energy, even if we can't see it. When we reach faith in God's presence,     we fly.

    A Fork in the Road [to: Alienation]—How we frame experiences [of  the pain of isolation] is critical. Pain is either: redeemable & has purpose; or     unredeemable, without purpose & must be stopped. A fork in the road occurs.     Our decision-making process here is different from past decision-making.     Decisions must be pondered deeply; we need our clearest sense of [True]     self as God created us. [All childhood experiences, habits, & defenses facili-    tated growth]. Now they can be let go of to allow new growth, healthier traits &  habits.

           At the fork in the road, one becomes stuck in a feeling of alienation,    isolation, & disconnectedness in which one can't reach God or other humans.     After glimpsing this path, there is movement toward God, & knowing that God is  present no matter what. Many are diagnosed with psychosis based on visions,  voices, & presence, without considering their positive or negative effect one's  life. [Likewise non-professionals will label the above experiences "crazy"; clergy  will say God no longer speaks to people in an actual voice as in the Bible. 

            The message not to honor our inner guide, not to move [forward] God's  and our unique purpose and True Self comes in many forms. When we don’t     honor that call we often become impotent in our actions. With more resistance,  our lives go from impotence to alienation [and God’s “absence.” Behavior in  alienation can easily be] labeled psychotic. 

    `A Fork in the Road [to: Connection]—Or, we answer our call. It is a  process of letting go of those parts of ourselves that served us well in the past     but are not functional now, and of finding that strongest part of ourselves that is  God within us, our truest identity. "Ego" is used to mean both pride or status     seeking and a strong sense of one's unique God-given identity. It is a mistake     to teach obedience to God that requires total submission, before a person     has a chance to become strong and well-developed. [Otherwise], it is un-    likely they can contain the [intense spiritual] energy; their behavior is likely to     get them into trouble.

    Ego strength gives one a sense of who to talk to about what & when.     The input of others can make a difference. They can provide the container     when the ego strength is faltering. [Life can become very good in a place of     connection]. [However], there is much back & forth or circular movement along   the way. The [sometimes tough] path takes us to a deepening desire for God   & for living God's will. 

    There is a "knowing" what they need to do, & then there is a knowing     that this is a waiting time, which is hard for those who have developed their     identity around giving to others. Efforts to return to service [too soon] are in-    effective. Work is no longer for the [old, self-centered reasons]. Work is now     for living out co-creation with God. We need to provide safe containers or     environments in which people may share their mystical experiences and     model that sharing for the wider society. Diversity must be acknowledged &    respected. What needs to contained must also be acknowledged.

    Containers—Alan W. Jones writes: "When we are content to wait, the  human heart's infinite emptiness is transformed into an eager emptiness   waiting to be filled. This formlessness needs an outer structure ... The mys-    tery is a jewel that needs a setting." A "container" is a safe environment in      which to be with the experience. The "setting" [needed] is a place for: cele-    brating the joy; listening that goes to deep spiritual levels; containing intense  energy; & supporting those in crisis. 

    We need to say "thank you" for the joy; deep spiritual listening to others.  A person in crisis needs accompaniment and love; in severe crisis it may need  to be 24-hours-a-day. Choosing mental health professionals informed about     and sympathetic to the work of the Spirit is crucial. Choosing spiritual directors    who know when to ask for therapeutic help is equally critical. Meetings need    to identify these people in their community before a crisis occurs to have easy   access during a crisis.

    Mental Health professionals are willing but unprepared to work with "re-    ligious or spiritual problems." Quakers have provided leadership in the mental  health field in the past and are in a good position to do so again. To do so af-    firms the Quaker testimonies of "that of God in everyone"; equality testimony;     and peace testimony [i.e. world peace necessitates that people 1st make peace  with themselves, and then with each other]. 

    Compassion is at the root of our values and is especially needed here.  The accompaniment role I have learned is similar to the Quaker elders tradi-    tional role, [i.e.] providing support and accountability in a loving way with God     as the center. I am called to a dance of loving accompaniment with people     having out-of-the-ordinary experiences of God. The dance floor is made of     respect, honesty, non-judgment, and compassion. Prayer is the basic dance      step. God is the choreographer. I am grateful for the dance. I invite you to      join in.

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345. More than Equals: Spiritual Friendships (by Trish Roberts;

        1999)
           About the Author—Trish Roberts is an Australian Friend who has  increasingly been called to deepen her spirituality in ways which also deepen     the faith life of others, such as spiritual friendship. She has done continued     study & practice of spiritual nurture. In December 1997 in meeting for worship,  God "nudged" her to set a priority of writing for a 1½ hours a day. She has  almost completed her studies at the Earlham School of Religion.
           What is Spiritual Friendship?—Spiritual friendships are meetings with  another person to talk about one's faith life, insights, & spiritual discoveries.     They are about knowing one another in the Eternal things. Hearing others' ex-    perience helps provide a language & opens possibilities for each of us. Liste-    ning encourages us to tackle the difficult, painful inner work of clearing away     thoughts & habits which separate us from God. Spiritual friends is a sharing of     equals; we have equal access to God's unconditional love. [With God's Pre-    sence], I understand us to be more than equals.

             Perhaps something has been bothering you. [It takes a while, but] at  last your chance comes, & you speak to the right person at the right time. The    inspired answer speaks to your condition. A chance encounter might not be     enough. Why can't I meet & talk with someone more regularly? Some     people wish for a conversation on their spiritual life, which allows the difficult     questions. I wanted to have someone I could trust, a companion with whom    could reflect on the spiritual dimensions of life. 

            I was physically isolated from others, & met my needs through regional  and yearly meeting gatherings, and through correspondence. I eventually met a  writing Friend, and a firm friendship was cemented. In my ongoing exploration  of spiritual friendships I meet many Friends with similar needs for connection       in the life of the Spirit, who see no easy way to fulfilling that need. I traveled to     be with Friends I could be myself with. I wrote letters and contributed to the    "Seekers' Open Letter," an Australian newsletter that was a "meeting for wor-    ship by letter"; these were spiritual friendships.

            Why are Quakers engaging in Spiritual Friendships?—Having a     spiritual friend means that there's someone you meet with regularly who is wil-    ling to talk about a particular question, a vocal ministry, yours or someone     else's, [help getting or seeing a little deeper]. It also gives a chance to be fully   present for someone else. We are called to treat each person equally in a     commitment based on mutual respect and an openness to the Spirit. In cor-   porate worship, we "be with" each other in a mutual seeking and finding of  God's word & God's will. We risk being open to the transforming power of the      Spirit.   

            Despite our best efforts, vocalizing our individual relationship with the     Divine can never be completely imparted to another person; it remains beyond  words. The spiritual friendship provides a place where it is understood and     accepted that seeking to find words for what is beyond words is a valid exer-    cise. Being in a spiritual friendship gives me the same sense as [I get in] mee-    tings for: worship; clearness committees; business. Quaker meetings can    incorporate spiritual friendships in their programs of spiritual nurture & care.    Marty Grundy suggests "it would be good if one person who is recognized as     trustworthy, loving, wise, and tactful could be named as overseer. She (or he)     could check in with each spiritual friend once a month to see how things are     going, and allow time for processing anything troubling."

            Theology—A spiritual companion is important to me in providing an op-    portunity to wrestle with the big theological questions: sin; forgiveness; grace;     image of God. Whether I articulate them or not, I hold theological views. I hold     beliefs about God's activity in the world, and the efficacy of prayer. I sense     God's call to action. I have understandings about Jesus Christ and the Holy     Spirit. Rejecting any of these concepts is a part of my belief system. As I ex-    plore these, a friend can gently lead me, support me, remind me of what I     hope to achieve, show inconsistencies. The Spirit can inform me directly as      my friends listens, questions, prays and encourages.
            Personal Experience of Spiritual Friendships—At a silent retreat in a  Pendle Hill hermitage, I realized I needed to talk to someone about my spiritual  life. I prayed about it, and the name of one of the students came to me. I was  called to find someone trustworthy who would meet with me on a regular basis,  and who knew I was trying to make decisions in faith. My mother died. [Ques-    tions at the time of a loved-ones death]: Does life have any meaning?              Is God responsible?      If God is responsible for the good things that     happen, who/what is responsible for the bad things?      How can I sur-    vive this time?
            Each of us had enough listening skills simply to stand beside the other     in pain and difficulty, and to continue to express faith in God's presence. Most     likely we used the term covenant partners, if any. We met once a week for  about an hour, taking about half the time each. We practiced gentle, reflective     listening, with occasional deeper, clarifying questioning. We made a covenant      to try some prayer practices and to report back at the following meeting.     Sometimes, I would have to pray at times when I was hurt, angry, or sad. It  opened me up to be more tolerant and accepting of all the emotions. 

           God now seems much more infused through human activity and fully  incarnate in human life. We would "check in" with each other about how God     was working in our lives. It was here that I 1st experienced the Spirit's move-    ment, flowing through me toward the other person as a physical sensation,     surrounding them, or creating a vibrant space which invites the other to speak.  One of the functions of friendship can be that someone hears our doubts and  fears and what we think of as the horrible parts of ourselves. Their listening  demonstrates that we are all right; we are merely human.
            Affirmation of God's Presence—It has been at times when I am not  certain of God's presence, and struggle to understand God's nature [& name],     that a friend's presence can be the face of God for me. I began a different     friendship at Earlham School of Religion, in Richmond, IN. We decided to talk     about our images of God. I realized that I didn't have a clear image or percep-    tion of God. I traveled to Woodbrooke, a Quaker study center in Birmingham,     England. The further I went, geographically and internally, the more strongly I  felt God's absence. 

            If I don't know who God is, then who am I praying to? Is there any  point in praying? Each morning, I would struggle to find an image of God     which I could use for that day's prayer. Weeks turned into months. I noticed     after some months that I was not struggling as much with morning prayer. I     had a few familiar images which were dependable. The urgency for an an-   swer lessened; the dark night had eased. My friend did not try to solve this     problem for me His presence was shown in giving totally focused attention         to the other. It is the ability to reflect what you hear, clarify if  you need  it, and      to challenge gently if the need is felt.

            Roles Spiritual Friendship Can Play: Listening to the Spirit and  Your Friend/ Random Thoughts and Experiential Learnings—Often I feel     prompted by the Spirit to ask the right questions which can call forth something  from the deepest part of the speaker. It is a gift from God, and I try to use it     worshipfully and respectfully. I mentioned visualizing the Spirit flowing through     me. Flora Slosson Wuellner warns against always imagining a flow and sug-    gests a healing pool of Light be sometimes used instead.
            I sometimes ask my friend to hold me accountable for something, prayer  or a new spiritual discipline. It is not weakness, but wisdom to be with others     and worship in faith. The disciples of Jesus and early Friends travelled in pairs.  Friends can be challenging and rewarding. The friendship will not necessarily  solve problems. Counseling or spiritual direction may go on at the same time.  Friendship is simply more attainable.
             Leadership & Eldership—As the friend listens to you talk about where  the Spirit is working in your life, you may see new ways out of difficulty, or     become more accepting of "what is." You may invite the divine Presence, to     ask the Spirit for new light or for clarity. Being accountable brings your con-    cern out of the purely personal, and takes the 1st tentative step toward sha-    ring it with your community. One of Greenpeace's founding members said:      "Even when they think it's not going to change anything, [Quakers] have to     bear witness." We can aid one another in witnessing. My faith connections     put my day-to-day actions in a hostile work situation into a larger faith con-    text. My action was based on faithfulness to a Divine leading. Spiritual     friendship can help discern a balance between ["just witnessing" and "possi-    ble effectiveness"].
             Friends can resent leadership, so we are disinclined to bring up new      ideas, or to stand up in leadership, if we expect the reaction to be negative.     Even one friend can be helpful in testing your call to action, & in supporting     your action, through tracking progress, & seeing that the one called isn't out-   running their guide. Sometimes a speaker or retreat leader has been assisted    in preparation [& during the speaking or retreat] by people  acting as "elders."     I see this as one example of a spiritual friend; it acknowledges that the task    involves a spiritual leading.

            How to be a Spiritual Friend: How to Begin—Am I qualified/suitable  to be a spiritual friend?      Is spiritual friendship something that might be  a helpful aspect of my faith life?      How often am I willing to meet with a  friend?      [What is the best form of meeting]? Exposure to good Quaker     practice will give the basics of spiritual friendship. This isn't any form of coun-    seling. We don't have to be specially trained; good listening is enough. A good     listener, [with practice], will reflect the essence of what is said, is non-judg-    mental & doesn't give advice. Allow time for interior reflection; wait for inner     answers or questions. Waiting to speak in friendship is similar to waiting [for  the Spirit's prompting] to speak in meeting for worship. Allow time. Allow  pauses.

            A rightly ordered friendship will parallel the deeply gathered sense of a  good clearness meeting. A sense of humor, rightly used, can lighten the load     and cause friends to share joyfully in each other's presence and show how     deeply they can trust each other. [What spiritual concern is on your mind]?     What image do you have of God?      What speaks to you in meeting for     worship?      How do you center?      Is God present & active in your life?    What are some of your "holy moments"?      Are any devotional readings  helpful to you right now?      What do you want?      What hurts?      What  are you thankful for?      Where is your sorrow? 

            At times, what we hear can seem overwhelming to both of us, but the  saving grace is that the Spirit is there with us. If the idea of friendship appeals     to you, but no name emerges for a friend, bring that to prayer. Begin with a    time of discernment; allow the person you ask a time of discernment. Toge-    ther, we can call on the Divine to show the way forward, both in the ques-    tions we ask and in discerning God's will for us.

            Difficulties—No friendship is perfect. It's wise to check out your friend's  expectations and say what yours are. If either person is dissatisfied, the pair     needs to talk in order to negotiate, or lay the friendship down. Something is     gained from every friendship, even one which lasts only a brief time. Any     learning may be a clearer sense of what you hope for in a future friendship [It   .  is important] to make a commitment to that friendship. If dissatisfactions arise,     promise to stick with the friend for a reasonable length of time. Enlarge your     awareness of any problem to include its spiritual aspect, [and be open to spi-    ritual influences]. Accountability begins with a covenant to be reliable & confi-    dential; full accountability comes in sticking with it.

            One friendship began as a class requirement, with problems arising  when the friend wanted more than I could give. I shared at only a superficial     level. We struggled to keep this one-sided friendship going; I shrank from     plain speaking. It ended badly, in a bitter argument. The regret at my actions     has taught me about clarity, about negotiation. Lack of depth can't long sus-    tain any real relationship, and a spiritual friendship in particular.
            Gender and Sexuality—Friends should consider gender as one aspect  of what they seek in a spiritual friend, waiting to be guided by the Spirit. [I am     not compartmented] into spirituality and sexuality. It is no surprise that sexuality  can surface in some spiritual friendships. A person experiencing sexual attrac-    tion will have his or her own task of working out why this is happening. If this     is a concern, it may be wiser to choose a friend of the gender to which you     are not usually attracted. Please know that many people have experienced this  level of attraction and have dealt with it successfully. The likelihood of having     inappropriate sexual feelings may occur in direct proportion to trying to ignore     sexuality. Ministers in other denominations are aware that sexual feelings arise,  and are best dealt with by having a supervisor to tell it to.
             Sexual attraction between 2 friends is going to cloud a spiritual friend-    ship if they think that genuine intimacy must lead to a physical expression. If  both are attracted, and free to begin a relationship, then it is important to     pause and reflect on the spiritual friendship. Uncomfortable feelings should     be addressed by using confidentiality, rather than secrecy. If one person con-    tinues to experience strong attraction in several friendships, then there may be  some work to do regarding sexuality.

             Fruits of Spiritual Friendship—It is worth finding ways of overcoming  difficulties in order have the undoubted benefits. [It is an opportunity] to see     them as part of the whole picture, to be looked at with God's assistance & the     Light's guidance. I must speak of any strong feelings from my own experience,  not blaming or hurting that other person. I can make my own changes, but I  can't force change on my friend. 

            Spiritual friendship has the power to affirm, strengthen, and empower.  It's enormously rewarding to know that I'm capable of giving the same attention,  good listening, and affirmation to my spiritual friend. I trust that in our spiritual  friendships we do our part and leave the rest to God. Having a spiritual friend-    ship will increase our sense of the work of the Spirit in our lives, and help us  release our desperate clutching for control. The friendship can bring the     reality of an undercurrent of Living Water flowing at a deep level into aware-      ness, and open us up to radical change.

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346. Treasure in Clay Jars (by Elizabeth Ostrander Sutton; 1999)
           About the Author—Elizabeth (Lisa) Ostrander Sutton, longtime Quaker,  was a full-time participant in Pendle Hill's resident program in 1996-98. She     learned "centering prayer" there. She also read God Calling, walked, wrote, &    worked with clay. Writing and being with clay gave her practice with the faith     process. She is convinced that conscious spiritual practices are integral to a life  lived sacramentally and faithfully and that a God-centered life is accessible to  anyone, anywhere.
            Preface—What happened to me at Pendle Hill (PH) [was like a fire,  seemingly out, coming back to life. When I was 1st at PH, I had] fears of be-   ginning a prayer life. [Choosing] to trust PH's faith community allowed me to go  within & let God light a spiritual fire. God Calling speaks of joy born of love and    wonder and joy born of love & knowledge. [Early] at PH, I was experiencing the  wonder and joy of a conscious acquaintance with God.

            I plunged into working with clay, which anchored me in the uncertainty,     creating a path to explore my inner landscape. I made a Fall pinch pot series     called "Spiritual Awakening," and a Winter series called "Openings." I found     with the latter series that I couldn't close the pinch pots. Instead, I experimen-    ting with different openings. I made the raku vase "Treasure in a Clay Jar" du-    ring the Spring Term. The raku firing left the vase fragile with a cross-shaped   crack in it. It survived its firing, just as I survived my spiritual fires.

            My 2nd year was one of maintaining courage to explore the faith pro-    cess [in] facing uncertainty. As I meander along a path in faltering steps, I walk  by faith, not sight. My pots' presence urge me to slow down & spend time in the  uncertainty & questions of the faith process. What I think is endless emptiness  actually is creative space sparking conversion. I discovered perseverance was    the key to experiencing the joy of love & knowledge, which I acquired through  my pots. Each of them embodied some knowledge concerning living a life of  faith.
            [Introduction]—After the raku firing was over, I'm left feeling incomplete  [and a] sense of loss. Making the raku vase involved sealing 2 pinch pots toge-   ther. I made a pin-sized hole at the top. I put my lips to the hole and blew my  spirit, the divine spirit into the vase in order to expand and round off the vase. I  remember the taste of clay and not wanting to wash it off. Just as Adam be-    came alive with God's breath, the raku vase took on its shape with my breath. 

            I am a child out of God. I want to live life abundantly, boldly. I want to  feel the power of resurrection, by going within and meeting the Inward Christ,     known most powerfully on the cross. How do I live my life based on mee-    ting the Inward Christ? A big part of me doesn't want to be reminded     continually to let go as Jesus did, to wade in spiritual fires or die daily. Faith      means putting trust in a process that slowly builds an intimate relationship     with someone I can neither see nor fully understand, but only feel.
            A prayer life begins, and in prayer I realize the true meaning of the     phrase "Be ye therefore perfect." To be perfect in God's eyes is to be my whole  self. I begin slowly to open up. My essential self begins to emerge. I see the     richness of my being as well as my limitations. Meeting the Inward Christ and     experiencing love is dying and being reborn. Seeing my pots make it through    the raku firing gives me hope that I can make it through my transforming spi-    ritual fires. The dried flower vase pot, with its cross-shaped crack, is fragile. It    withstood intense heat for 1½ hours, so it is resilient as well. 

            Within my perishable body lies a treasure. [I see] the crack on the vase  and am reminded that God dwells within me. My breath formed the vase's top     curve, which made it through the fire and flames. I too, can survive [the fires of]  change. The treasure dwelling within my fragile body gives me resiliency. "But  we have this treasure in clay jars, so that it may be made clear that this extra-    ordinary power belongs to God and does not come from us" (II Corinthians     4:7). My capacity to come back, to survive change, comes from God. I do  nothing to deserve life. God gives me resiliency.

             Pruning—A great deal of time is taken up with making the coils become  part of a coil pot. I scrape clay off the layered coils & tap the coils with a paddle  until they are absorbed into the wall & disappear. The coils still existed but in a  different form. The coils were now the walls of the pot. The coils abided in the  pot & the pot abided in the coils. When I share my struggles or joys with God, I  am abiding with God. I feel loved and changed as a result of that love. I am  transformed into a vessel that receives. The process of reshaping by scraping    or tapping, looking, and rotating the pot stand is repeated over and over, and is  done mostly on the inside. Scraping, tapping, pushing, and stroking are actions  involved in pruning or cleansing my vessel. With each of my strokes of the  scraper, God is working, pruning and cleansing me, hollowing me out into a     vessel  that can receive.

            As the wall of coils grows higher, the pile of coil scrapings grows. In that  pile is the number of layers I need to shed in order to consent to God's pre-    sence. My confidence in what I am creating increases with each bit of clay     added to the pile. With each tap and stroke, I am participating in, opening up to  the faith process with God. Each action I take with the clay encourages me to  open up more to God, and my confidence increases. I begin to work with the  clay itself instead of with an image I want to create out of clay. I let go more and  take risks. Trust grows amid the mystery of the creative process. [I unfold] and I  absorb God.
             Canyons—As the command "Break up your fallow ground" (Jer. 4:3)     takes root in me, it begins to devour my insides; my heart burns. Jeremiah is     asking me to prepare the ground of my heart for planting. Breaking up ground     makes me face problems I don't want to face & provokes thoughts I don't want  to think. Often in my life, God is before me, but I don't catch the spirit each    time I catch my breath. I become the living dead, surrounded by the familiar &  knowable, & deciding to stay the way I am. I slip into being manipulated by     fear. I seek situations that don't require me to change. Fear eats away at my     trust in my relationship with God. I feel stagnated.

           The landscape of my canyon clay pieces is God's fallow ground for me.  In working the clay, I break up the fallow ground. I often linger on one crack and  follow its winding path. Hues of blue cascade down the interior sides of the  canyon [into] a pool of deep blue glaze in the center.  The cracks I make are     openings that catch the light. The more I make, the brighter the light, and the     more I contribute to the canyon's character. Sharing myself, what is in my heart,  is what makes the cracks and breaks up the ground I'm standing on. The cracks  are the pathways to the light, movement in the direction of building a relation-    ship with God. Each crack I make reveals just a bit more of my character, and I  know [a bit more of] my true self. I must reveal my fault lines hidden beneath    the knowable surface I have invented for myself.

            Psalm 139—In searching me, God comes to know every crevice, curve,  wrinkle of body, heart, and thoughts. God knows me better than I know myself.  Getting to know God is getting to know me. There is pain in getting to know me.  May Sarton writes: "[But] there is nothing we suffer that doesn't hold the seed of  creation in it." With my canyon pieces, the short coils of different lengths and  widths must not disappear but instead be preserved. I use red iron oxide to  accent the cracks instead of a glaze to make them disappear.
           My eyes linger on my canyons, for I am looking at me, my relationship  with God, and God's love for me. With time, I realize that amid this searching of  me, I am known & loved.In the southwest US, I needed to roam a landscape     similar to that of my canyons. Mighty hills were [being] brought to their knees by  the wind and arid air, revealing their essence. Sunset colors surfaced. These  hills remind me that beauty is in the exposure. The canyons are a witness to  God's love for me.
            Gethsemane Cup—When Jesus said: "Let this cup pass from me," he  can't live in the uncertainty, and yet somehow he seems to endure amid this     uncertainty. Trust seeps into the uncertainty with each bit of sharing what is in     his heart. With his "Yet not what I want but what you want," Jesus shifted from     being self-centered to being God-centered. Pain, failures, disappointments, and  doubts are all easy to embrace, to grasp tightly. To consent and trust is elusive.  Embracing it is impossible. [Yet] God needs my consent. [Those who] do and     do and do [find it hard] to "consent," [where] I am asked to pause and pause       and pause.

            In order to consent, I need to go beyond myself and acknowledge there    is something beyond my ability to understand, a will larger than my own. Con-    senting means embracing the mystery and demands embracing the stillness.     In the stillness comes the realization that I am in the presence of God. In this    God-consciousness space I sense what it means to be in a relationship with     God. [A meaningful relationship is not conditional. God does not have condi-    tions, and I need to not have any for God]. I am moving, [whether it seems so     or not]; God is working within me, in the pauses, the unknowing, the resting     time.

           In the stillness, being is more important than doing. The stillness' mark on  me is humility and just being. I come face to face with the truth of what it means  to be me, to be human. Instead of drowning in my failures and limitations, I     sense my perfection, my wholeness. My failures are [actually] steps closer to    the ground of my being. Jesus did not let the Gethsemane cup pass. When I    drink from my Gethsemane cup, I have an opportunity to face the stillness    within me. The stillness becomes the compost to work the earth of my heart. I   die in the stillness only to witness the dawn in my soul. I feel the warmth of     coming home to God.

           Dare to Suffer—There was chaos inside me. Soon it would consume  me. I needed to be with clay, but I did not want to create. I wanted to destroy. [I  tried to wedge], which involves folding the clay into itself repeatedly in order to  pop the trapped air embedded in the clay. Without wedging, whatever I create    runs the risk of not surviving the bisque firing in the kiln. When I do not face the  chaos of wedging, perhaps I am denying myself the opportunity to develop my    true gifts and call my authentic self into being. [The clay seems unwedgeable     and is leaving a mess on me and my tools. I cleaned up and] started  the wed-    ging procedure all over again.

           The clay scraper was helping me manage the chaos, but the clay was still  hard to manage. [I was told to] "Keep wedging. Something happens. It just     takes time." After awhile, I was able to do more wedging, less scraping. This     unwedgeable clay became wedgeable. With each enfolding gesture, the chaos  inside of me slowly slipped away and a calmness seeped into this experience I  had with the clay. Energy rushed into my being. Wedging the clay, [enfolding it],  has become an act of vital importance to me. When I enfold something into me,  I consume it and consequently it reaches not just my mind but my heart & soul  as well.
            I realized that Jesus on the cross changed just as the clay changed.  Jesus' doubts & fears began to stir up the chaos within him. "Father, into your     hands I commend my spirit," was his way of willing himself into the chaos. With  his plunge into chaos, he brings God into his suffering and comes to know a     God who suffers with him. With the words "My God, My God, Jesus began to     share his fears with God and to enfold himself into God. When Jesus dared to  suffer on the cross, he discovered a God who suffers with him.
           Now, I know why I make cliff pots. [I was having trouble with a pot's rim]. I  began ripping the clay off the rim, making deep, [jagged], rips. Each bit ripped     off created a high or low cliff. Each cliff I make prepares me for that fling into     chaos. [Others see in my pots eggs that have been cracked open, because of     my pots' jagged edges]. When I see a cracked egg, I know something has been  born. My experience with wedging the clay told me something would happen in  this chaos. Sharing my anxieties with God began the enfolding process, and  became a soothing process. 

            God would be with me in any brokenness I had to face. I am called to be  creative [and re-created]. In the darkness of the faith journey a turning takes     place. I give up being the potter and become the clay with a "treasure" inside. I  become like Abraham & behave as if God will provide. With all this enfolding,    I have managed to become bound to God. In the claiming of my origin I have     become known and am claimed by the great "I am." I live to go forth. I cannot     create when I choose the path that separates me from God. But when I con-    sent, I soar for I have opened the door of creation. [I am] a new creation in  Christ.

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347 Tall Poppies: Supporting Gifts of Ministry & Eldering in the 

        Monthly Meeting  (by Martha Paxson Grundy; 1999)
            About the Author—Marty Grundy was raised in a Friends family in  eastern PA. Her interest in Quaker history continues to inform her vision of who  Friends were & what we might become. This pamphlet draws together ideas     from several YMs & individuals. The hope is that a local meeting, facing an     emerging gift of ministry, might have tools for nurturing, supporting, & over-    seeing the ministry & the minister. [The pamphlet's title comes from the story     of a Roman noble cutting off the heads of the tallest poppies in his garden in     response to questions of what to do about a plebeian rebellion's leaders;  meetings sometimes do that to those offering gifts of ministry]
           [Introduction]—George Fox said of a big gathering in Wales in 1657: "...  Many were turned that day to the Lord Jesus Christ & his free teaching, & all     were bowed down under the power of God and parted peaceably and quietly     with great satisfaction." Fox did not take credit for the Bible study or for an-    swering the objections. It was God's power, not Fox's. When faced with God's     power, Isaac Penington "gave up" and submitted to it. This is the proper human  response when confronted with God's power. Francis Howgill echoed scripture  when he first heard Fox speak: "This man speaks with authority and not as the  scribes." The struggle of our self-power over God's power is one of the major  issues of spiritual life as Friends have understood and experienced it.
            God pours out a wide variety of gifts on the members of a meeting or  church. This pamphlet focuses on the gifts understood as ministry & eldering. It  holds up our Quaker tradition of recognizing ministers & elders, suggesting to  meetings how to support & nurture ministry and the individual Friends through     whom it comes. A brief discussion of financing ministry and a description of the  meeting's responsibility in accepting gifts follows.
            Relatively few people dedicate themselves and all areas of their lives to  listening for and following God's will. [Those that do] all too often are made to     feel unwelcome in and by their meeting and eventually leave it to find [a more     welcoming worshipping community]. On a cosmic scale these few people     glimpsed that God had created and ordered the universe into relationships that  Friends termed "Gospel Order." This pamphlet is about the right order of rela-     tionships within a monthly meeting. The more critical gift is to be a channel  through which the Inward Christ may speak to the spiritual condition of another,  or speak prophetically against the evils of the day. London YM stated, "The  purpose of all ministry is to lead the meeting into a closer communion with God,  and into a fresh vision of the purposes God would have us pursue in seeking  God's kingdom.

           [Qualifications of and Competence in Ministry]—Fox said that if  "ministers" have not Christ's spirit, they are none of God's," or "being bred at     Oxford ... was not enough to fit and qualify men to be ministers of Christ." [One  needs to go through] a process of personal transformation which reorients the  ego, the will and the attention. Today, we would expect it to be a lifelong pro-    cess, with an intention that moves [at an irregular pace and with backsliding] to  bring more and more of one's life into conformity with divine will. Those given  gifts of ministry must walk their talk in more and more of their lives. The narrow  definition of ministry as speaking in meeting can be extended to a much wider  variety of acts. Faithful ministers almost always develop a "competency," a     means of employment which made it financially possible to leave home for long  periods of time.
            Robert Barclay said: "The principal & required qualifications [for mini-    sters] are the power, life, & virtue of the Spirit, & the pure grace of God which  comes from it." Isaac Penington said: "Therefore, watch, everyone, to feel &     know ... [their] own place & service in the body, & to be sensible of the gifts,     places, services of others ... honor the Lord ... [God's] appearances [in different  people] & in the differences which ... [God] has made among ... [God's] people.  God has given fathers & elders now; the babes & young men aren't equal with  them."
            We are all equally invited to receive God's love and guidance. Each of     us has been given a measure of ability to hear and obey God to which we need  to be faithful.     Those who were given a larger measure were recognized as     ministers or elders. Barclay said: "Teaching and exhorting ... are the special     responsibility of those ... particularly called to the work of ministry. Yet the privi-    lege is not exclusively theirs, but is common to others ... [anyone] may be  moved to speak by the Spirit."

            An elder is one "who has had experience with many Friends, and who  has maintained an inner watchfulness, [who] provides a powerful connection     with Truth for the minister or other Friend in the turmoil of leading, confusion, or  temptation" [Brian Drayton]. London YM writes: "Elders are primarily concerned  with the nurture of the spiritual life of the group as a whole and of its individual  members, that all may become closer to God ... and may become more sensi-    tive and obedient to God's will." 

            Barclay writes: "The elders are not those who are moved to frequent     testimony by declaration in words, they are mature in the experience of the     blessed work of truth in their hearts. Their work is to watch over and privately     admonish the young, and to take care of widows, the poor, and the fatherless     and to see that they lack nothing." A Friend would never be both a minister and  an elder. Often one person will function in one way then in the other, back and  forth, as the Spirit leads.
            RECOGNIZING MINISTERS AND ELDERS—A healthy meeting in the  18th century, & occasionally in our own century, would have seasoned, gifted,     wise Friends, recognized & named to the stations of minister & elder. Traditio-    nally, they noticed, named & nurtured gifts of vocal ministry, discernment, or     spiritual companioning. They modeled changes in lifestyle that the "infant"     minister's gift required. When the meeting's Ministry & Oversight [Counsel]     Committee felt the time was ripe, it brought the gift to the attention of [a larger     body of Quakers. If that body approved], the local body prayerfully considered     it, [approved it], & recorded a minute [recognizing] the gift of ministry given to     the meeting by a specific, named individual. Seasoned Friends, [consider],     name & nurture emerging gifts; larger bodies discern & record them in a pro-    cess of mutual accountability.
           If ministers felt led to visit beyond their home meeting, they usually dis-  cussed it with other seasoned Friends, and then brought it to their monthly     meeting for business. If the meeting was in unity with the visit and perhaps a     [companion] Friend, the meeting will record one or two traveling minutes,     which were presented to and endorsed by the meeting(s) visited. Upon their      return to their monthly meetings, the travelers had their minutes read and re-    corded. Friends are experimenting with a variety of ways of testing leadings,   [from individual decisions, to letters of introduction, to clearness  committees].

            Today, we prefer to talk in generalities about abstract qualities. We like to think of "supporting the ministry" rather than giving concrete help to a specific minister. How does it matter that we have lost the corporate dimension of ministry? What might Friends do to reclaim our heritage? We are spiritually impoverished by not recognizing a gift as being given by God to the group. Dragging out tired, old practices won't help much to reclaim our heritage. 

            If we listen intently, & humbly, God will open to us a way forward, with  whatever permutations are necessary to make it speak with freshness to our     current condition. We need to talk freely, frequently, & frankly about the reality     and movement of the Inward Teacher who informs & leads Friends individually  and as a body. Friends will learn, through experience, how to listen prayerfully,  ask probing questions, and be open to the unity that can be experienced in     God's presence. In God's time, gifts will begin to emerge. What qualities or  gifts might Friends expect to see in someone blessed with gifts of elde-    ring or ministry by the Holy Spirit?
            The fruit of any life suffused with God's Spirit is love, joy, peace, pa-    tience, kindness, generosity, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. The  specific leadings will vary considerably. But the inward work, and the outward     fruit, should have a familiar feel of spiritual deepening, and humility, love, and     trust in God. NC YM writes of elders' gifts as: "a considerable insight into cha-    racter, an alert spiritual discernment, good judgment, and a fund of ready tact     and open friendliness—all humbly dedicated to a deeply felt zeal for the spiri-    tual growth of the Society, [purified by watchful prayer]." Whom do Friends     turn to instinctively for counsel, mentoring, for spiritual direction?    Who  is drawn to help our children see God in the teachable moments of     opportunity?      How do we accept the gifts of those we would prefer to  exclude?
           A PROCESS FOR RECOGNIZING AND RECORDING GIFTS—The  process needs:
           The group to discern and reach unity that gifts for upbuilding faith         

    community have been given.
           The individual to be aware of the gift's weight, work to enable its right 

    use and be open to correction.
           The group to acknowledge the individual's life-transformation, and 

    hold them accountable for right use.
           Care of the gift includes listening to it, not tolerating spiritual jealousy, 

    protect it from abuse.
            While all Friends are equal, there is too often a negative attitude that 

 adds, if anyone thinks they have a gift or calling, we'll pull that person down. [Is  the "problem" with an individual's gift from the individual's arrogance or  another's discomfort or resentment]? Seasoned Friends should encourage  the individual, name the gifts they see, & help him or her articulate the emer-    ging sense of leading. 

            The individual needs to exchange some apparent independence for in-    tentional servanthood, intend to be a good steward of the gift, and put it to the  purposes God asks daily. A clearness committee should be appointed when an  individual's gifts are discerned. The clearness committee meets as many times  as needed, asking questions to help the potential minister become clear as to  what their gifts are, and how they are being led to use them. [See next section  for query examples]. 

            [Clearness Committee and Monthly Meeting Queries]—How does  your spiritual journey intersect with or exemplify the Quaker tradition?      What are your spiritual gifts and How have they been offered to and     received by the Friends in our meeting?      In what ways have these gifts  changed you?      What temptations are there in using your gifts?      How  do you or would you utilize a mentor or elder?      How do you react to     different kinds of criticism from different people?      What are your dis-    ciplines and prayer life like?
            The meeting needs to see & name an individual's gifts, because the  individuals can't always see themselves clearly, and because the gifts are  given for the upbuilding of the group and must be recognized and received.
            Monthly Meeting Queries—How have we experienced this person's  ministry within our meeting?      [What part of this person's humanness  have we observed during their ministry; and how have they moved back  into right relationship with God?      How has the person reconciled     strained, unhealed relationships; what is the meeting's role in this recon-    ciliation?      How will we perceive this person's ministry done outside the  meeting in the meeting's name?      How have the expectations for outside  ministry been made clear to both individual and meeting?      How do we  discern that God is leading us to a clear sense of right action?      How is     this person rightly prepared and clear regarding the economic and family  constraints on this ministry? The meeting should minute its understanding of  the gift being given and whom it is given.
            FINANCING MINISTRY—Though payment to traveling or [wider-world]  ministers hardly ever appears in monthly meeting minutes, that does not mean  that no money changed hands. Friends regularly slipped cash to other Friends  who were traveling in the ministry. Barclay said: "It is lawful for them to accept  food and clothing as far as they feel allowed by the Lord, and as far as they are  freely and cordially given ... [But] fixed remuneration is far from being some-    thing  that a true minister should aim for or expect ..." 

            Philadelphia YM recommended that if a monthly meeting has unity with  a Friend's concern to make a religious visit to other meeting within the YM, they  should help defray any prohibitive costs of such visits; the quarterly meeting or  YM should be involved with more wide-ranging visits. A wealthy Friend can     make a direct gift to a visiting Friend without the visitor having a tax liability.  Money received from a non-profit results in a tax liability.
            How can a meeting support an enthusiastic Friend's favorite mini-    stry project? There should be a clearness process, so that the meeting is  clear that the individual Friend has heard God's instruction correctly, and that     they continue to listen to God and neither run ahead or lag behind the Guide.     In those cases where the meeting is slow, the minister's faithfulness in waiting    for it to catch up brings better fruit in the end. Friends moving ahead on their    own in ministry may ask other Friends, or their meeting to help, but if the     meeting has not been invited into the clearness process, it has no formal  responsibility for carrying the leading forward.

            RECEIVING THE GIFT—Barriers to the meeting receiving an offered  ministry include failure to honor a local prophet, spiritual envy, power struggles,  apathy, secularization, individualism, past personal hurts, etc. I suggest that we  be humbly open to what the Spirit might have to teach us from our tradition  about acknowledging and naming ministers, and to be aware of what stumbling  blocks we encounter or create.
            Too often Friends tear down anyone who exhibit gifts that make them     stand out in the crowd. Meetings are seriously weakened when they deny the    right use of gifts God has provided. Those whom God is raising up as men-    tors, role models, & examples too rarely have informed, prayerful support they     need to function as fully as God would have them. Lloyd Lee Wilson writes:     "While one doesn't want to allow scorn to distort one's ministry, negative feed-    back may mean there is something about one's delivery that is needlessly     alienating certain people." One needs to hear both words of support and criti-    cism. While some Friends undermine those with gifts in ministry and eldering,     other Friends idolize them, replacing God with something that is not God.

            Our firmly held assumption that the individual is of the highest value is a  powerful block to the meeting's accepting God-given gifts of ministry and elde-    ring. In our desperate scramble to engender good feelings we have denied the  authority of our meetings to draw any boundaries. [After eldering someone who  resists the truths given to the group], disownment, removal from membership  but not necessarily attendance, was the response to someone who would not  or could not live those truths.
             Barclay, Bownas, Lloyd Lee Wilson & Patricia Loring are good resour-

 ces for our traditions on how to identify & support those whom God raises up  as ministers & elders. The raw material for our tradition can be found buried     in journals, epistles, other writings, and our Quaker stories. [Earlier Friends]     will tell you, in a variety of words and metaphor, that there is one, even Christ      Jesus, who can speak to your condition. 

            Our meetings have a great responsibility to be gatherings of people     who are listening to the Inward Teacher, helping each other listen, and lear-    ning how to listen together. Barclay discovered a great "secret power" of mee-    tings that: "as I gave way to it, I found the evil in me weakening, and the  good    lifted up. Thus it was that I was knit into them ... And I hungered for more and     more for the increase of this power and life until I could feel myself perfectly     redeemed."

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348. Journey to Bosnia, Return to Self (by Suzanne Hubbard 

        O'Hatnick; 2000)
            About the Author/ GENESIS of PROJECT —Suzanne O'Hatnick is  currently working in Bosnia and Herzegovina (BiH) on a 2-year project funded     by the US Agency for International Development (USAID). She earned her BA     in French at Hollins College and her MAT in French and Spanish at the Univer-    sity of Pittsburgh. She has served as an organizational development consul-    tant to grassroots non-profit organizations globally.
           On the way to Mexico, I went instead to BiH. I was asked, "Why go so  far away; what connection can 'those people' and 'their war' possibly have  with us? Their life-stories taught me about my life. We can share our pain, our  joy and life in the Spirit, however we define it.
            Introduction/ Leaving Home—War broke out in BiH in spring 1992 fol-    lowing the breakup of Yugoslavia. Bosnian Serbs boycotted the referendum  vote to leave the former Yugoslavia, & attacked non-Serbian neighbors. War     officially ended December 15, 1995 with the Dayton Peace Accords (DPA).     Returning refugees & restoring relationships between neighbors & govern-    ments has been an arduous and uneven process. My 1996 trip was an impor-    tant part of my spiritual journey. It was I who was the refugee; Bosnia brought  me back to myself.
            I quit my job [of arranging face-to-face cultural exchange], left my hus-    band and went to Bosnia. With the kids grownup and moved away, it seemed     time to hand over the programs of exchange to new people with fresh ideas. I     felt drawn to approach the business of creating a more peaceful world in new     ways myself. Why do we sometimes choose isolation and alienation over  exchange and relationship?
             I found that to work honestly with organizations in trouble I had to be  honest with myself & I had not been. My marriage was in trouble. Interspersed  with the affection and good teamwork, we had played a game of dominance     and submission, control and manipulation. I was not the ever compliant and  always agreeable wife and I didn't want to pretend any longer.
             I trained with Christian Peacemaker Teams (CPT) to prepare for working  in international conflict areas. Surely for me the fascination with finding nonvio-    lent solutions to intractable conflict had much to do with my own personal fai-    lures. [A friend introduced me to meditation, which was a scary prospect].     Meditation became wordless prayer, a kind of listening or expectant silence.     Friends invited me to their Quaker meeting, and I felt I had come home. 

            My prayer and worship at Friends meeting introduced me to the layers of  conflict in my life, and I determined to addressed them. [I reconciled with past     hurts and professional relationships]. I could not detach myself enough from the  hurt of my home conflicts to see how to change things. I felt, as Quakers phrase  it, led, pulled out of the world I had known and into an unknown place where I  needed to be. I felt confident, truly as though led by God, or that inner Right.
           PASSING THROUGH ZAGREB—I hadn't intended to go to Bosnia, [but  rather Mexico]. I had lived in Latin America as a child & served there in the     Peace Corps; I was fluent in Spanish. Instead, Gene Stoltzfus, executive direc-   tor of CPT, asked me to go to Bosnia for 3 months to help the International     Mennonite Organization (IMO) set up a peace team. At 1st I said no; Gene     persisted. I held his request in prayer & consulted with a clearness committee,  who asked gentle questions about finances & spiritual leadings. In both cases I  felt led to go.
            The town where I was to go was Jalce, a mountain town in central Bos-    nia under the control of a Croat local government. Its population dropped from     43,000 to 12,000, and became mostly Bosnian Croats because of the war. My     family, except for my husband, was supportive; my husband was angry. Re-    lieved to be away from his wrath, yet disappointed in myself for not figuring     out how better to deal with him, I left. I spent a few days in Germany before     flying on to Zagreb. [After being taken to] the embassy to report my presence,    [my co-workers] escorted me to the local youth hostel.
            [My co-workers], Randy and Amela Puljek Shank, married in spring     1995 in Bosnia. Amela was passionate about working for peace in her home-    town of Jajce, by developing a peace team for there. Zagreb had been [phy-    sically untouched by war] and was lovely in an Old World, slightly neglected     way. I wept when I saw black-eyed Susans like those at home and remem-    bered the failing marriage I had fled. [I had trouble finding food because of the    language barrier; my camera and watch broke; I couldn't use email or figure     out how to make an international call. [I had a little bit of human contact later      that day & it cheered me up a little]. The Croatian countryside was picturesque.  [Crossing into Bosnia introduced me to war-devastated houses and a nearly  deserted countryside]. I thought: "What have we human done? What will  Jajce be like?

           ARRIVAL in JAJCE—Jajce was an ancient hill town in central Bosnia, a 

 5-hour bus ride from Zagreb, & once the seat of government for Yugoslavia. It     had a famous, dramatic waterfall and the ruins of a hilltop castle on its highest     hill. The stucco houses surrounding it were mostly shell-pocked, & many were     gutted, plundered, desecrated, & marred by graffiti. The wild profusion of beau-

 tiful rose bushes in the yards stood in stark contrast to their houses. The an-    cient mosque had been bombed & every stone had been carted off. The Serb     Orthodox Church & the Roman Catholic Church were in ruins. The house I 

 lived in was partly refurbished, with water & a working sink in the kitchen only.     The housemate that was there for my first 3 weeks was Lena from Canada.
            In 1992, it had been under Serbian siege for 5½ months; they especially  targeted the Muslim Old Town. They overcame the Croatian army; overnight   its inhabitants fled.  Some hid while Serbian families moved in, taking over     dwellings & looting houses. The Croats allowed to return by the new govern-    ment after the Serbs were forced out, repeated the same [devastating] process.  Under the Dayton peace accords, the Croat-sitting government of Jajce al-    lowed 200 Muslim or Bosnian families to return as a refugee-return pilot pro-   ject, less than a year before I arrived with a million questions. Amela asked,     "Why don't you just slow down & pay attention?

            COFFEE with the NEIGHBORS—[Instead of] responding to questions     about strategic planning, I was told to "Go have coffee with the neighbors." I     studied my text book an hour a day, & more hours with neighbors, drinking cof-    fee & listening. There was ritual in this, with few words & many gestures. The     woman invites; the husband often roasts & grinds beans [as we wait]. A woman  isn't considered marriageable until she has mastered the preparing of good     Bosnian coffee. There are a variety of preparation methods. The women could  work miracles with humanitarian aid flour, like a delicious pita stuffed with fresh  fruit or vegetables from the garden.
            Stories of the war would emerge over coffee, with few words, but much  emotion and gesturing [at the stories their houses had to tell. Often neighbors  joined us as we sat together. Over time I became trusted in this land where     trust is not given easily. I discovered people who lived in joy, without material     goods. When I allowed myself to feel my sad [and fearful] moments, I found      there was another side, a richer deeper experience [in facing them and more     empathy with others' fears]. My initial handicap in language turned out to be a    great benefit, [as it forced more careful listening, and disabled me from inter-    rupting]. It slowed my speaking and listening. Also, I had to walk everywhere.    I learned people's stories, among them the stories of Sevleta,  Charo, Dina,    Randy and Amela, who taught me about Jajce, themselves, and myself.

            PEACEBUILDING—[I had planned on] seeking out Muslim leaders to  learn their problems & hopes, but [my contacts & Serbo-Croatian skills were     non-existent], & my task was to help Randy & Amela, [& work with Lena], not     direct them. I thought we would meet for prayer & planning, but the others were  consumed with their own tasks, like planning for the German volunteers co-    ming over the summer. 15 volunteers moved into our small 2-bedroom house.    More than 70 stayed with us by the end of the summer, up to 2 weeks at a      time.

           It was constant negotiation to get permission to work in a balanced and 

 open way on Croat & Muslim houses. I hiked a ½-hour to Randy & Amela's     house to send CPT emails. I was told to forget reports. "Send stories. Tell us  about the people's lives." I attended Muslim funerals & walked with people who  were scared of the police. I tried making Bosnian foods. I organized the house   hold so it could accommodate 15 people at a time.
           If we were to work toward reconciliation, contact with more than City Hall  would be necessary. The volunteers were hard workers, cheerful and outgoing.  The house's young men would come back and begin to help. The apathy of     Croat and Muslim that hung over the town lifted a little. Croat homes were well  furnished with someone else's property; Muslim homes were mostly assembled  with odds and ends and donated items. The young unbiased Croat man married  to a Muslim woman and the young Croat women who gave humanitarian aid to  all who were needy earned my admiration.  A longtime Croat resident main-    tained her close friendship with her longtime Muslim neighbors despite snide     comments from newer Croat neighbors.
            In September 1996, Randy, Amela, and I were to be election monitors in  the first national elections. I felt trusted by the local people I visited each day,     but I was not sure that Randy and Amela trusted me. Neither wanted to be do-    minated by me, so I adopted an uncharacteristically passive role. We talked 

 about an action to take to create a peaceful environment for the election; we     could arrive at nothing useful. I said, "Why don't we invite local folks to join     us in prayers for peace during the elections? Why don't we ask our email  list friends to pray with us? 

            For 2 weeks leading up to the election we met daily at 7 PM and prayed  for a peaceful election. US Faith communities joined us, as did a few local     people, none of whom had used prayer before. Out of our different faith tradi-    tions, we crafted a worship service that incorporated silence, Biblical readings,  spoken prayer, and sharing intimate thoughts and fears; we decided to con-        tinue the daily communal prayer. We were bound together through common     worship; we developed trust, from which a more seasoned team began to     emerge. As we sought "that of God," we found it and the love and trust to work    together in ourselves.

           THE LONG JOURNEY HOME—Sevleta had been a kindergarten tea-    cher, which explained her patience with my primitive language ability. We could  discuss anything in simple language; we enjoyed each other's company. I visi-    ted her in her rented apartment, where she lived alone while she tried to get     her house back.  Her family's Muslim name had been on the DPA's "list of     200" allowed to return to Jajce. She has all the documents for her house,     where a Croat family is living and refusing to leave. She was threatened with    bombing if she got her house back; she is more angry than afraid. The UN  does nothing to protect them.

             I accepted the coffee & cold drink she offered, since I knew that coffee  drinking is the glue of friendship in Bosnia. She took me on a walk down     bombed, once-lovely streets, past an empty school, to her old school, now re-    paired & run by Catholic nuns, who won't let her teach. As we pass through     Sevleta's neighborhood, she chatted with old neighbors.  We walked through     the gate into her old garden in the rear of her house. She showed me the high-    lights of her garden: fruit trees; flowers; & especially roses, in a wide array of      colors.  She wouldn't be intimidated and a year later had her house back,    stripped of window frames & floor tiles, but still hers once again.

            AGAINST ALL ODDS—We went to visit the house Amela's friend,     Charo. At first we could not find the house; [we passed the ruins of a stately     manor 3 times before] deciding to look behind these ruins. At the rear of the     building we were surprised to see a colorful flower garden, a large vegetable     garden, and carefully-tended fruit trees. We peered into the ruined house    through an open back hallway that had been covered with a plastic flap. We     saw Charo, a roughly-dressed, tall, spare, lanky old gentleman; he embraced     Amela warmly.

            Charo directed us to a cozy room that served as living room, dining     room, bedroom, and kitchen. Plastic covered the window frames, and covered     the ceiling and floor of the missing 2nd-story. He had had a tracheotomy, lea-    ving an open hole in his throat. In spite of that hole, it was Charo who talked,     who needed to talk. He told of being from landed gentry, joining the Commu-    nist partisans during WWII, giving up his family's lands, & serving under Tito,    leader of WWII partisans, and head of Yugoslavia until his death in the late    1980's.The conversation drifted to past pleasure with neighbors, and to more   recent, near-death wartime experiences.  Neighbors helped them sparingly     furnish this room.

            Despite burglary, vandalism, & graffiti-threats, they stayed. They were     able to laugh, smile, offer coffee, & visit with old, returning friends. The German  volunteers couldn't repair the house, but the Austrian government's representa-   tives visited, & repairs were begun in 1996. [As of the end of 1999, they still     weren't complete].

            RAMO'S EXTRA HOUSE—James was a Swiss Old Order Mennonite  living in Germany in his late 20's, who came to Bosnia to be of service. James     Brown had had to leave Switzerland because he refused to serve in the military;  he and his father disagreed on this point. James assignment was to work on     Ramo's and Nadja's Muslim home on top of an isolated hill. They were not on     the list of those permitted to return, but were not harassed because of their     isolation. At the end of 2 weeks Ramo and Nadja had a livable home—and an     adopted son, James. Ramo and James had much in common; they had found a  special rapport and formed a special bond.
            James left reluctantly, & returned in the fall with a new work crew to     [get a special request from Ramo]. Next door to Ramo's house was his dead     brother's. He hoped that his sister-in-law's family might return to live next door    like they once had. Half the roof & most of the 2nd floor had been destroyed.   Walls were missing, it was full of dirt, debris, & was missing flooring, windows,   doors, plumbing & electrical fixtures; the burnt family car blocked the entrance.   The team got to work, pitting their modest skills against the destroyed home's    challenge. The team knew they wouldn't have time to work on other houses     that needed less work & had inhabitants. But the warm friendship between     James and Ramo swayed this team. They rebuilt the "impossible house."    

           DINA'S STORY/ A CIRCLE of SAFETY, A CIRCLE of LIGHT—Dina had  been born in Jajce & lived there all her life until forced out in 1992. Her Muslim  parents were internally displaced persons in a nearby town & couldn't return.  Being born in Jajce didn't make her a citizen. Only those permitted by the local  government to return had valid papers. 200 Muslims were allowed to return; no  one mentioned the Serbs' return.  Dina was registered as a foreigner in her  hometown. It was difficult for those of the wrong party or those without papers     to return. It was easier & safer for foreigners to enter town. All city governments  had vested interest in discouraging returnees of opposing parties or ethnic  groups.

           As a foreigner, Dina could work on restoring her home; the rest of her  family couldn't come openly. Her father joined her in secret, & slept at our     house. Some volunteers joined them in cleaning their home. [The house was in  the usual state of one having been bombed & stripped]. Dina took a chance &  used a municipal dumpster without incident, possibly because of the interna-    tional presence or her own status as a foreigner. Dina & her father sadly deci-    ded they couldn't do or add anything more without it being removed. They     boarded up the house & left. Another empty house in Jajce waited. Over the     next 2 years family members came back to work on the house secretly. They      began to complete the bulk of the work & stay longer. The family now lives in  their home.
           As an international in Bosnia, I could walk around freely even at night.     Why were some of my [Muslim] neighbors afraid to walk to town during     the day? [If there was no international presence, either volunteers, Implemen-    tation Force (NATO), or international police, at the funerals Muslim former citi-    zens were allowed in town for, the local police would disrupt, insult, & other-    wise rush mourners out of town; Muslims were powerless to respond]. Muslims  working openly on their house with international volunteers had no one interfe-    ring. Walking home in the evening, I found that I was the protection for my     Muslim friends, not the reverse. Even standing by watching as police ques-    tioned a driver seemed to change the exchange's character. International pre-    sence brings with it the world's eyes, a circle of light to a dark scene. It seems     such a small thing, simply to be present. 

           MAYOR LUCIC—Randy and I visited the acting mayor of Jajce, Jozo     Lucic, to share concerns, hear his views, and quash any untrue tales [of inter-    national response to the situation in Jajce]. It was his army unit that had taken     Jajce from the Serbs and his reward was to be declared Mayor; the elected     Muslim mayor lived in "exile" in a nearby town. It was clear that Jozo ruled with  the direction and approval of high government officials from [the bordering     country of Croatia]. 

            Randy and I thought we had been more than fair to Jajce in our inter-    views. Our concern was to say nothing that would jeopardize anyone's safety;     none of us had referred to terrorists, which was Jozo's contention. We offered     to show him our Internet stories so that he could see that what we said were     perhaps unpleasant truths, but not lies. 

            [He implied that we were short-sighted, narrow-minded, judgmental, and  had been insensitive to the "slaughter" during the war]. [I responded with chal-    lenging questions on how former non-Croats, and Muslims in particular were     treated]. Jozo replied, "... The world community dictates the conditions here ...     What do France, England, Germany, America want? ... We had a dictator-    ship here under Tito. We have little experience with democracy, and it will take  time to learn new ways."
           As I stopped challenging him and just listened, I saw his position, though  I could not agree with it. He was a leader put into place by outside forces, see-    king justice for "his people" (Croats). Jozo was from a village outside of Jajce,    [so there was the added dimension of city-dweller/ villager conflict. Villagers     [resented] those who [had the money to] escape the war and [the nerve to]    return home. I found myself feeling sympathy with his struggle to master the      world in which he found himself. We had the following exchange: "[Him]: Tell      the truth. [Me]: There seem to be so many truths here. [Him]: You know there is   a larger truth. Tell that."

            MY NIGHT GARDEN—I was locked out of the house one night and sat  down at the table and chair outside the front door. Shimmering moonlight glan-    ces across the roses in the garden. I was reminded of another night garden I     had created. The leader of a women's workshop told us to make a collage with  colors we dislike the most. Silver-green foil became leaves in moonlight, pasted  to a brown tree on a black background. There were flowers, grass, a moon, and  in the tree a fuzzy heart and an orange pipe-cleaner owl; the night garden was  beautiful. How can we touch something and make it beautiful, or perhaps  see more clearly the beauty that is there?      How is this dark ugliness  waiting for a transformation of which we are a part?      [The people whose  story I told], what filled them with [persistence and] hope?
           I was deflected from Mexico to a place where I knew no one, had no  language skills, & was confused by political rhetoric. The slow pace & the initial  isolation gave me time to take stock of myself & accept who I was. I could be  present with a loving intent. I had come to help & was helped myself. Sevleta     showed me courage in facing authority; Charo chose joy in facing life. Dina &     Amela showed that being present with others through their trials can be as  important as doing. 

            In Bosnia, the laws seemed upside down, authoritative, male-dominated,  more like something out of Alice in Wonderland than the rational orderliness I     expected. A quality of endurance coupled with family solidarity seemed the glue  that supported people in insupportable times. I also learned about my hus-    band's Eastern European roots. Would that understanding help in my mar-   riage? I had changed, had he? In my night garden, I could see the beauty in   the darkness, be present, and learn not to be afraid of the dark.

            AN EPILOGUE: JANUARY 2000: 4 YEARS LATER—I returned to BiH  the next 3 years, each time to a different city; I kept in touch with those I met in  1996. Marriage as a sacred covenant took on greater significance to me as my  husband & I began in new ways to know, respect, listen, & cherish each other. I  was recruited to run a 2-year program funded by the US Agency for Interna-    tional Development (USAID) that worked with 30 local non-governmental orga-    nizations (NGO) on management training and developing public advocacy  projects.

           Why, when one feels so strongly led by God to venture forth, to take  some action, is it so terribly difficult? "God calls me in my weakness, to     grow." Communities and nations are called to grow, too. There is hope in small  changes and improvements in daily interaction among people letting go of fear.  There are ways we touch one another, a tapestry of life we weave together, no  matter where we are.
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349. The Radiance and Risks of Mythmaking (by Gilbert H. Kilpack; 

        2000)
           About the Author—Gilbert Kilpack was born & raised in Portland, OR.     He attended the University of OR, & received his M.A. degree at Oberlin Col-    lege in the Philosophy of Christianity.  He was executive secretary of Stoney    Run Friends Meeting in Baltimore. He joined the Pendle Hill staff in 1948, and   was appointed Director of Studies in 1954. He wrote PHP #32 (1946), Our    Hearts Are Restless and #63 (1951), Ninth Hour. Gilbert Kilpack died in the fall   of 1999 before he knew this pamphlet would be published for PH's 70th     Anniversary.

           A Brief Introduction to Mythmaking—Once upon a time, before there     was time, the Almighty was bored. He felt a need for otherness. So he created  man; a creature with a word in his mouth. I need a storyteller to bring repose  and enchantment into the dark of night. I could create woman as a counterpoint  to man, and listen all night to their conversations. They will tell themselves     stories made from all the [crazy] questions they have stored up. [The freedom I  must grant them] opens up a whole new can of devil and angel worms. After     storytellers came translators, teachers, prophets, record keepers & law courts.
           Children learned laws, creeds & dogmas—standards [& providers] of     order & control. [Rules] couldn't win hearts. We live by ongoing conversations  of myths, [lying] on the feather-edge between fact & imagination. Every per-    son is a special kind of dreamer & mythmaker, [just waiting to hear]: let me     tell you a story. The 1st marking of durable myth is that it renders, [creates], at    the expense of stating. The mythmaker trusts the story's patience to catch     conscience unaware. Accusation freezes; delight of the story liberates. "We     have art lest we die of the truth" [Nietzsche]. Didn't Jesus' inner child laugh at     the rich man, the camel, & the eye of the needle.

           The 2nd marking is that the sterling myth may not be an "easy read." It's  formed out of an outflow of wholeness & directed to [resonate with the whole     reader in an unexpected way]. Having finished the epic myth, Moby Dick, Her-    man Melville confessed that he had "written a wicked book & felt spotless as a  lamb." The 3rd marking is that myth speaks not only to centuries and genera-    tions, but to each meager moment within our life span. [In my junior year, I     learned about the 1660 book Don Quixote from Professor S. S. Smith]. I hung     on his every word, but I wasn't ready for the professor's abrupt announcement     that we need not read the last chapters, because Cervantes had "gone off     track & the ending was all wrong." I had a gut feeling the professor was all  wrong.
            By the the time I was a professor myself, I had known many conflicts,  doubts and implosions and was ready to challenge the ghost of Professor     Smith. [Don Quixote] did renounce his dreams of adventure in one sense, but     he also passed into the slow-learning Sancho Panza, who begged the dying      man to continue their search for glorious adventure. Professor Smith's wrong-    ness "pushed me into the everlasting flow of myth." What finer honor can be  ours than to breathe life into myth.

           A Quaker Story on its Way to Myth—In 1943 I was invited to become     Executive Secretary of Park Avenue Friends Meeting in Baltimore. In college I     had served as pastor for rural churches, with their once-a-month counting of     collection plate proceeds. This deadly ceremony seem to say: This is your     worth as carrier of our spiritual burden. [I felt rebellion in me] against religion     as a profession. I still sounded like a preacher or religious in my later writing.     The Park Avenue Friends community wanted someone as a weeklong connec-    tion to the wider community, [not a weekly preacher]. [The meetinghouse]   could have passed as a grimy stone army fortress. My dingy office was not    exactly a shrine to draw seekers off the street. The meetinghouse was a      designated air raid shelter, with iron cots and army blankets in storage.

           A Washington DC Friends Meeting asked me to visit one of their termi-    nally ill members at nearby John Hopkins Hospital. [From the beginning],  Clara's design was to lead me away from "boring talk of her affliction." [I spoke    of where I lived, the parkway where families would go to escape the heat of     their brick homes. The park had an outsized Martin Luther statue, with for-    tress-sized Bible and outstretched arm. My 3-year-old daughter took the book    for Tales of Peter Rabbit and the outstretched arm as a wave; she greeted the   statue every morning. 3 carpenters greet Clara with "Gruse Got, Gruse Got."      The next time I sat on her bed as she shared her story.

           She left her home in Germany to seek the superior nurses training in  London. The reserved, polite English people were the enemy. Where does one  direct fear of the enemy and anger? She received notice to report to a British  Intelligence Office. She was trembling as she climbed the stairs, her heart see-    ming to pound out enemy, enemy, enemy. Who is the enemy—me or them?     She was led to a small chamber where a man in uniform sat, head bowed     over a spread of documents. The young man looked up and asked her to    "please tell me about yourself—just anything that comes to mind—and take    your time."

           Under the spell of this young officer's composure, Clara disclosed expe-    riences & ideas she had never thought to share with anyone. When she     finished, the officer asked, "Have you ever read Antigone?" [It was about a     young woman like Clara], who was caught up in contrary forces of loyalties     war throws at us. 2 lines from the play [stayed with him]: "My home is in trou-    ble" & "I am made for love & not for hate." The officer told her to go about her    work & if she were ever tripped up in a town called Trouble, she was to turn  to him for help.

           [Finding a Quaker Meeting and "the Eternal Shivers"]—She then  found new courage in her nursing routine, but her Sunday alien loneliness     remained. [One Sunday], she came to a plain brick building with a sign: Friends  Meeting, Worship 11 a.m. All welcome. [She went in] and found herself in a     crowded room where all the people were sitting in complete silence. There were  no prayer books, hymnals, choir loft, choir, organ, and no pulpit with a minister  in it.

           Then an old Quaker's voice was raised, like an impulse from within the  silence: "A wily lawyer decided to put Jesus to the test ... It would be a great     service if the wise teacher would declare which law was most important ...     Jesus  dared to lift the question above legalism: 'you shall love your God with     all your heart, your soul, your mind ... You shall love your neighbor as yourself'   ... How do you prove with legal satisfaction that John Doe has first failed     honestly, wisely to love himself? The old Quaker concluded that Jesus leaves     it for people to realize there is in every person a court of the spirit which is     called conscience, and conscience is a school of learning, and it is at all hours  in session."

            In what seemed to be a brief connecting time, it was a woman that stood  and spoke, seemingly at a cost: "I feel moved to ... words we all of us know by     heart—or do we? It may be we have heard them but were not ready to know     them ... From a war-torn heart Jesus cried out: 'You who have ears hear—love  your enemies and do good to those who hate you and even bless those who  curse you.' Now the ancient words have come home to us and there is no es-    cape." [At the time of those words] she got "the eternal shivers." Now at the     close of life she was still subject to "the eternal shivers." Clara concluded,  "Another war the whole world over ... in one lifetime ... who could have thought."
            [Sojourns to Civilian Public Service Units (CPS)/ Clara's Empty     Room]—When I came again, [I did the talking]. I told of my sojourn to CPS     units, where conscientious objectors (COs) to armed combat were doing alter-    native service. Most recently, I had gone to a state mental health hospital CPS  unit. [I met with a recent CO acquaintance who worked as a hospital attendant  there, in the locked ward]. I couldn't distinguish my healthy friend in the con-    gestion of troubled souls. 

            One of the patients asked if I cared to see the baby; the patients were  gathered around an actual infant and crib, lavishing attention on the babe,     perhaps a tribute to their own lost beginnings. My CO friend had an ordinary     person's face, one for whom killing was a violation of his inner light. I went on to  describe a CO unit that volunteered for a research study on human starvation.  How are people brought back from the brink of starvation without in-    jury?  A step by step plan must be in place. [COs must be gradually starved],     & then under medical & dietary scrutiny monitored, with all intake weighed and  analyzed.

            I spoke of CO retreats St. Martin's House, which included Martin Buber's  The Knowledge of Man & the anonymous Way of a Pilgrim, labor, & occasional  trips to the tool shed [for a sip of Sacramental Wine].  But the next morning     several men had awakened to the itch of poison ivy, including Maurice Fried-    man, a future Martin Buber translator & biographer. Next, I told the story of the  CO reading library. One prolific Quaker sent all his achievements in print, all of  them autographed. There were even autographed Bibles. One CO affirmed the  autograph read "For those in the wilderness doing good work." Your sincere  admirer – Yahweh."
           I escorted Quaker school children to a nearby US agriculture experiment  station, where COs studied the region's birds, soils, grasses & bugs. [One CO    confessed that when future grandchildren ask "what did you do during the     great war,' I would have to say, 'Oh, my dears, I spent all my days asphyxi-    ating and glueing lovely butterflies." Clara began to speak of "the dear CO    boys"—how she wished to do something for them. She offered a bolt of hand-    woven wool to one of the CO's wives. She gave me a framed poster-print of     Durer—The Hare. 

            I was working for a week with men cutting wood. When I came back, I  was directed to a different room. The emptiness of Clara's room became a     devastating metaphor. All flowers were gone, even the petals were swept and     the floors glistening clean. No water pitcher and glass, no stack of get-well     cards. Sterile light fell on the smooth white sheet folded neatly at Clara's chin.     Her hair another shade of white lay tucked under the sheet. It was white on     white like a museum painting, or the white of eternity that defies all makers         of myth.

           A Greek Myth Revisited—I was teaching in the Humanities Department  at the Eastman School of Music. Danny was in my course on Greek Myth. He     had a certain carelessness—the consequence of an imagination which was     trigger-quick in response to the moment; he could be shy. Danny was a flute     player, and was invited to France for master classes with Jean Pierre Rampal,     at his estate. Danny's penchanas to turn every moment into an opportunity for     drama.  The students were asked to gather one morning, flute in hand and  ready to play the Gluck Dance of the Blessed Spirits [from memory].
             Rampal said: "We go to rescue [Orphesus'] Euridice, and for this we 

 have no weapons, no persuasion but these [flutes]. All of us are to be Orpheus  to the rescue; he was poet [and musician] ... [Euridice] in her haste to escape  [a wicked philanderer] stepped on a serpent which bit her; she died instantly  ...  She is now awaiting rescue [in the underworld]. There in yonder dark coppice   is the entrance to the underworld ... It is Persephone, Queen of punishment   [and monotony] we must please ... we must know our audience ... "

            "I [will] enter the dark entrance to Hades ... because I have been there  on the Carnegie Hall stage ... [when I] see the gleaming eyes of the critics;     Persephone is the severest of critics for she herself was abducted [to Hades]     ... I will give the signal and with all eyes closed, we will turn uphill ... Failure     here is looking back ... Trust your gift no matter what. Live in your song."     Rampal led them ... down the grassy glade ... made his way into the dark      wood ... [and on returning said,] "She comes! Dare not look back ... [later on    top of the hill he said,] "We have lost her. Your teacher has failed ... Fame is     the slippery distraction, dulling attention to the moment. Some small but vital  part has fallen out of the grand sense of fullness."

            "I had an appointment with my agent—important things to talk about, like  my American tour ... I was working my way through the underground crowd     when I heard unexpected sounds ... [With a] sharp jolt of recognition ... [I rea-    lized] it was the Rodrigo concerto for guitar ... [with a flute-like] instrument car-    rying the melodic line ... [Soon] I was standing before the source of the sound     ... Our underground performer, [a young, blind man], was whistling the melody     and improvising a continuo on his guitar. He was a blind performer whistling a  concerto of a blind composer for a treadmill audience.
             As soon as Rampal was out of hearing, Danny told them he had an  idea, a kind of gift to the maestro. They would reenact the rescue of Euridice—    only this time they would succeed. There was a tall willow-like woman named     Cleo, a university student on the household staff. Danny approached her, not     with a request, but with instructions of how she was to be their real Euridice.    She need only find a black veil she could see through, wait in the coppice out     of sight, & follow the players up the hill. Rampal was awakened at dawn by    the familiar sounds of Gluck. [He watched as the reenactment proceeded as   Danny planned]. [Euridice's] tread was a hesitant glide, her feet barely tou-   ching the earth. Danny's extravagant motion to lift her veil [was brushed aside  by Euridice].

           [Euridice]: Why have you brought me back—away from my underworld  home.
           [Danny]: We thought you wanted it. Surely you wanted to escape all that  dark and to live free!
           [Euridice]: I heard your melody ... it lured me. But now after the music  what is there to hold me ... Below was peace and quiet. Think, I dare you—no  war, no carnage, no toil, no fret. All order and agreement.
           [Danny]: Could anything be worse; peace but no guts to celebrate it; quiet  but no reason to sing it.
           [Euridice]: You are sly in your answers, philosopher. All I ask is a clear   and simple reason to stay.

           [Danny playfully, yet cruelly offered to lead her back] "in a return to end-    less peace." [She countered with a speech in] "remembrance of Hades—not a     vengeful pit, but a glowing metaphor—an image of the brutal world we have     built of forgetfulness ... In Hades there is no death, no poet to herald death, it-    self the first mystery, starting us [in] search of all other mysteries ..." Rampal,    with  hair uncombed & feet bare said, "Danny, she has bested you. That is as     it must be. You are journeyman musician & she a poet. For the sake of har-    mony, I call it a draw." Danny laughed a deep inward laugh; he had seen the     legendary Rampal's feet. They were part god-like, [ Hermes' feet], elegant     feet; part beastlike, ugly, useful & unexpected. The myth has the scarf either     burned in a fiery flash in the sun, or carried off by an eagle, dropped in a well,      & finding its way down to Persephone.

           Still smarting at being called a journeyman, Danny was off to Paris, intent  on finding the blind whistler. He waited until the blind man established the me-   lody, and then courteously began weaving in his flute variations. He introduced    a Telemann sonata, and soon they were happily competing in baroque impro-     vising. One report has commuters jigging their way up out of the underworld.     Some have Persephone herself dancing to their song.

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350. I have always wanted to be Jewish: and now, thanks to the 

        Religious Society of Friends, I am (by Claire Gorfinkel; 2000)

    About the Author—Claire Gorfinkel has been an activist for social  change all her adult life. She is an active member of Glendale's Temple Sinai, a  regular attender at Orange Grove MM in Pasadena, & a full-time fundraiser     for the American Friends Service Committee (AFSC). This pamphlet grew out  of a spiritual journey talk to Orange Grove MM In October 1996.

    INTRODUCTION—I have always wanted to be Jewish. I found my     way home to Judaism through my involvement with the Religious Society of       Friends. They would ask me whether I would share my spiritual journey with      the Orange Grove MM. [I always said], "not me, I don't have one." In the fall     1996, having found my way back to the tradition of my ancestors, I recog-    nized that I had been on one, and that it was time to share.

    I. EARLY YEARS-1945—Religion is what we came here to avoid. A     great-great-grandfather on my father's side was recognized as "1 of the 1st    progressive rabbis in Baltimore, Maryland." I have a beautiful [ceremonial]     cup given to him by his congregation in 1876, near the start of the American   Jewish Reform (AJR) movement. It gives individual Jews & congregation wide   latitude to reinterpret tradition. Early Reformers rejected many rituals (e.g.   praying in Hebrew, dietary laws, & prayer shawls), anything that separated     Jews from the mainstream, modern world. They examine & invest in aspects    that add meaning to modern lives. My family tried to be as assimilated as     possible, yet almost all the  important people in my parents' life were Jewish &    secular.

    Being Jewish 1st of all meant living up to ethical standards. My parents'  values were politically & socially liberal, & deeply imbedded. They affirmed     Judaism's questioning nature, but dismissed the "God" issue as irrelevant to     them, seeing such belief as "primitive" & superstitious. AJR wanted above all to  be modern, rational, scientific, a Jew who was blending in. Jews were exclu-    ded in some places, but there were enough accepting organizations to satisfy     my parents. My father actively fought the covenant excluding Blacks from home  ownership in our neighbor; [my mother supported my father in this].

    Reform Rabbis wore a black choir robe and a narrow prayer shawl.     Services emphasized beautiful music with an organ, a paid choir, and more    English than Hebrew. Our leaders were valued for preaching strong social    justice messages and taking progressive political action. We hoped that any  visiting Protestants would not have anything really weird to report to inquiring  folk back home. My parents would ask, Why would anyone want to embrace   more traditional Judaism? especially of their children. We observed Rosh     Hashanah and Yom Kippur, but did not fast during them. We enjoyed pork &     shellfish, & ate bread during Passover; we also celebrated Christmas [with all   the trimming, trees, and presents]. Religion didn't enter into it.             

            II. ESTRANGEMENT-1962—Reed's intellectualism disparaged religion    & "non-rational" topics. Reed's left-wing climate fostered crusades, demon-    strations, support of Mississippi Freedom Summer, the Black Student Union's     beginnings, & growing awareness of the Viet Nam war. What need is there for  religion, in the presence of activism & long-standing concern for justice?  After graduation in 1969, I joined San Francisco's AFSC office staff as a secre-    tary in the peace education program; it focused on the Viet Nam war. I met     Howard Frederick during a war protest; he persuaded me to confront ambiva-   lence about the Israeli/ Palestinian conflict; I married Howard in 1973. I also     had become hostile toward the Jewish community, its Zionism & unwillingness    to share Israel's land equitably with Arabs. I didn't want to face people from     my childhood on the "other side."

    For several years Howard and I worked full-time for reconciliation be-    tween Israelis and Palestinians, and for Middle East peace; I still feared per-    sonal retribution from a Jewish person. I wrote my own Haggadahs, the Exo-    dus story. My text emphasized contemporary liberation struggles and the     similarity between ancient Israelites bondage in Egypt and modern Israel's     treatment of the Palestinians; I glibly ignored the references to God. Having no  place in which to experience, or act on, my Judaism made me insecure in my  identity. [I felt like an outsider in Washington D.C., when the] Washington     Hebrew Congregation came out after services, & I was apart from them, much   like I was trying to "pass," blend in with the mainstream for some better social  standing.

            In Staunton, VA, I started regularly attending services, held every other  Friday night. While there, I had a "religious experience," & renewed my ac-    quaintance with some prayers & rituals. I had a sense of being a legitimate    Jew. I began to see myself as a bridge between Jewish & non-Jewish com-    munities. I proudly shared my Temple experience with women from Staun-   ton's Chapter of the American Association of University Women. I was     determined to let people know where my values had come from, to be sure     they knew how I was "different."

            III. BEGINNING TO SEARCH – 1984—In Athens, Ohio, I was invited     to join a "Feminist Spirituality" study group, which became my community's     center. Howard spoke about Cuba to the local Unitarian Fellowship, which he     ended up joining; He found other atheists like himself there. They were a com-   patible, questioning, intellectually vibrant, spiritual community; mainly we     enjoyed the people. Athens had a Quaker Meeting, & was a [mixture of]     intentional communities, social activism, artists, & natural beauty. 

            I found I could have & build community without religion, but I couldn't     have religion without community. I required other's presence with common     visions & searching questions for spiritual growth. I knew that my Jewish     tradition & my childhood rabbis had motivated my work in the world. Among     strongly principled people in my circle, religion was a prime motivation for their  work.  I was prejudiced against fundamentalist missionaries.  Why would     someone believe that faith in the world-to-come would substitute for  conscientious work in the world-as-we-knew it?

    [4 years later, Back in San Francisco], I was a fundraiser for the AFSC   & started attending Orange Grove MM; I had attended meeting there as part of    my AFSC connection. I had organized & attended events that incorporated    Quaker practice & worship. I had been deeply moved by the way that better    quality decisions & outcomes emerged from often-lengthy waiting for unity. I    tried, usually unsuccessfully, to implement consensus decision-making in    some unlikely secular settings. I went to Orange Grove MM seeking com-   munity, hoping to find a comfortable place for Howard & Carrie.  Any spiritual  component was secondary to the social one.

    IV. RELIGIOUS SOCIETY OF FRIENDS-1988—By 1988, I was begin-    ning to look for a spiritual life. The bit of theology, "one God, thus one will of     God; if we sit together quietly & wait long enough we will know that will." My-    stery exists in the world; God seemed to be a good-enough explanation. My    cynicism diminished as I heard others' struggles to interpret God's calling to   them. I learned about the path before me, my relationships with others in my     life. It was at least an hour long island of reflective quiet in an otherwise too-   busy world.

    It was once my task to read the Query, which asked about our lives     being in accord with Christ's Spirit. As a child I refused to read aloud pre-    established prayers that didn't reflect my beliefs. I couldn't now ask Friends     whether our behavior met Christ-like standards. I was Jewish. How would     anyone [or I] know I was Jewish [or Quaker]? In synagogue shopping, I     wanted familiar worship music in an intimate setting, great moral leadership in     my rabbi, and a sense of warmth & progressive politics. I went to several  temples only once.

    Then a friend suggested Temple Sinai. Not only did they have a woman  rabbi, but another woman chanted the blessings. A woman held a Torah scroll     in her arms like a child whom she loved. She read the words as though they    had meaning for her and, [she felt], for us as well; another woman chanted     music from my childhood. Myself and a dozen other Temple members strug-    gled in Jewish feminist spirituality class to find its meaning, and to reinsert   women into the biblical and ritual tradition without pushing men out. Women     and men were present when Moses presented the 10 Commandments to the     Jewish people. After our facilitator left, we continued to study the history of  Jewish Women's spirituality and Jewish feminism.

            V. BELONGING, OR NOT—In 1 weekend, I attended Temple Sinai on     Friday, a new "Wohlman Minyan" worship group Saturday, a Jewish hiking     group midnight same day, & Orange Grove MM on Sunday. If I could choose,    I'd be Quaker, but being Jewish was as irrevocable for me as being female.    Being  Quaker could include everything from rejecting Christianity & being    atheist, agnostic, or universalist, to being rooted in Christian biblical tradition,    or struggling with tradition while finding relevance in 200 years of Christian  teaching. 

            Quakerism evolved as a Christian stream, as George Fox's reaction to  Christian churches. For me, Christianity isn't an "improvement" on my ance-    stors' tradition. If I am a Jew, I can't be Christian; by my definition, I can't be a    Quaker. I recognized I was using non-membership as an excuse to avoid taking  increased responsibility in return for the substantial social & emotional bene-    fits; I was missing leadership opportunities not available to non-members.

    As I considered joining Temple Sinai, the powerful yet nonsensical He-    brew [became] a language which people read, even spoke and understood.     The man who invited me to his family's Seder meal commented that Pharoah's  behavior towards the ancient Israelites sounded like modern Israel's treatment  of Palestinians. When I could participate and feel like an authentic member of  the Congregation, it became easier for me to know where I fit in the Religious  Society of Friends. I could not be on Worship and Ministry Committee, or be     clerk of the meeting; I could be on [the many committees] that didn't require     membership. Some faith groups permit dual membership; Judaism does not.  Some Quakers come from Jewish backgrounds, and call themselves Jewish     Quakers. I call myself a Quakerish Jew, as I am still attracted by Quaker social  values and Quaker silence.   

   VI. LEARNING TO EXPERIENCE THE SILENCE—In Yearly Meeting,  we were assigned to a group of less than 10 people, & the group meets at a    set time for at least an hour, & considers a single topic, or a series of queries.     We are to meet in Quaker silence, each speak only once, & then from the     heart & experience, not from the head or analysis. Year after year, this brief  intimacy with strangers has yielded memorable, moving & deeply revealing  experiences. 

   When I hear of how even "weighty friends" struggle with [how to use  silent meeting best], I have learned to rid myself of unrealistic expectations &     to appreciate the serendipity of spiritual insight. Most acknowledge prayer     doesn't come easily & what they call God isn't often revealed to them. It is    okay to sit & wait. Gradually I discovered mindfulness, attentiveness, wake-    fulness, thankfulness; I heard that inner voice come back with insight, wisdom     & grace. Over years of practice I learned to draw deep breaths, to focus on     gratitude.  Blessed by wonderful people in the room, I developed a relationship  with God.

           VII. LEARNING TO EXPERIENCE THE RITUAL—Learning to handle an  hour of silence [or mostly silence] is tough; it can be too quiet one week & too  noisy another. Not knowing the rules was as intimidating as thinking everyone  else was directly tuned in to God. For me learning to experience Jewish ritual  was every bit as tough, if not more so. As a child, lack of time to reflect on     congregational words was compounded by Hebrew I couldn't understand. We     take familiar ritual for granted and are uncomfortable with the ritual that is  unfamiliar.

    It took practice to become accustomed to Quaker silence, or become  accustom again to Jewish ritual. I once strongly resisted the custom of tou-    ching the Torah and then kissing what had touched it. When someone said,     "The Torah is like a friend; I love to hug and kiss my friends," I melted. We're     not singing about love of knowledge and learning. We're singing because we     love this thing, this Torah, this spiritual object. Each scroll stands as a testament  to the preservation of the Jewish people despite persecution, and we love the  Torah.

    I had been a member of Temple Sinai for more than a year, but it was  when I heard "This is the day that the lord has made, let us rejoice and be glad   in it in Hebrew ("Zeh ha-yom asah Adonai, nagila venis-mencha vo), that    those words won me over, summing up my gratitude at having found the    Temple, the pleasure and usefulness Hebrew gave me, and the gladness to    be found in each day. I would walk and emphasize a different word each day    [i.e. this particular day; God made it; find gladness in it]. I became more    aware of God's presence and more confident that the world is a good place  and that God is somehow "gracious" to me.

    On Simchat Torah ["rejoicing with the Torah], every member gets to    carry the Torah and sing. We read the last words of Deuteronomy and the  1st words of Genesis without pausing, to symbolize the unbroken continuity of    Torah teachings. We unroll the entire scroll, [and make a circle of it surroun-    ding all the congregation's children], symbolizing the hope that our children     will always be  surrounded by and feel the Torah's love. This is far removed     from unprogrammed, ["ritual-free"] Quaker service. I had "gone over," and     become a practicing Jew.

    VIII. I HAVE ALWAYS WANTED TO BE JEWISH/ IX. THE FUTURE—     What does it mean to me, to be Jewish [or Quaker]? It means feeling  authentic, legitimate, OK, not weird [in a room full of fellow-believers]. [My life    is being slowly organized, educated, reshaped around Shabbat, Hebrew, & a     slightly more kosher diet. My family of origin did not flaunt Jewish symbols;     being in Jewish community was enough. For Hannukah 1996, I visited Los     Angeles' Jewish cultural center and bought a tiny Star of David charm, which I  never take off.

            I now have a complex spiritual life & a deep relationship with a loving  God amidst others who share some mix of my cynicism, politics, & faith; I often  use Shabbat liturgy in my silent meeting for worship. For Quakerism & Judaism,  God is directly accessible to the seeker [in our community, in ourselves & in     the natural world], without need for priests or intermediaries. Essential similari-   ties enable me to continue comfortably moving & explaining, back & forth with-    in & between the 2 communities. My views on political parties, immigration,  welfare, the death penalty, same-gender marriage, & pacifism are more likely  to be shared by Quakers than by Jews.

           I sometimes still hold my parents' prejudices about other people of reli-    gious faith. Having been embraced by Quaker worship's silence, I discovered     spiritual life. Now I cherish rituals of spoken prayer, movement, & song, as I     cherish sitting in silence. I am honored by being able to learn from & teach    others about both of them. God said to Abraham, [& we now sing], "Lechi     lach, to a land that I will show you,/ Lech lecha, to a place you don't know/     Lechi lach, on a journey I will send you/ & you will be a blessing,/ Lechi lach."     & so my journey [goes].

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351. Jacob Boehme: Insights into the Challenge of Evil (by Ann Liem; 

        2000 [1977 Reprint])
           About the Author: Ann Liem majored in philosophy at Berkley & ex-    plored Zen for 21 years, 2 of which she spent in Tokyo studying Buddhism. An  overwhelming conversion experience led her to Christianity, Quakerism, &     Boehme in 1970. She gave a brief talk on Boehme at Pendle Hill, which has     developed into the present pamphlet. She writes: One of the most important     tasks of our time is to reconcile East and West in order to understand how they  supplement and support each other.”
            Preface—Orthodoxy was not a major priority of 17^th century Friends of  the Truth. Their priorities were to live lives inspired by the Divine Word in     Scripture and the pulling and pushing of the Spirit. George Fox wrote Great     Mystery of the Great Whore in response to Orthodox critics. There are simi-    larities between the German Lutheran mystic and the 1st Friends. The German  writings appeared in England at the same time Quakerism came to public     attention. Rufus Jones wrote about Boehme in Spiritual Reformers of the 16^th  and 17^th Centuries.

            [Introduction]—Quakerism is founded on the belief that the mystical  encounter is central to religious life. Holy Scripture itself, we never forget, is the  result of the mystical experience. Jacob Boehme—cobbler, mystic, visionary,  illuminate, clairvoyant—was born in 1575, 49 years before George Fox, and     died the year Fox was born. [All the similarities between their lives suggest a     profound spiritual kinship]. Were George Fox and Jacob Boehme linked  somehow by the revelation of truth, and the converting of a people to  follow it? 

           Yet in personality and accomplishment differences were abundant. It is  not likely that Boehme was an influence on Fox, as Fox put small value on the     findings of other men, and was never a great reader. William Law claimed that     his life was changed entirely by Boehme’s influence. Other supporters include     Newton, Hegel, and Goethe. Poets inspired by him include Novalis, Milton, and  Blake. The Quakers Howard Brinton and Rufus Jones sought to generate     appreciation for the mystic. [Following in the spirit of this mystic] evil is neither     something to deny, nor something to live with comfortably, but it is also no  cause for despair. 

            “I had long been undergoing an intense effort to find the heart of Jesus  Christ and to be freed … from everything that turned me from Christ, when     suddenly the gate opened. In ¼ hour, I saw and knew more than if I had been     many years at university… I knew and saw in myself all 3 worlds: divine,     angelical; dark world; external, visible world as outbreathing of the internal,  spiritual worlds.    ” Jacob Boehme

            The Life of Boehme—He was born to Lutheran peasants in a village  near Goerlitz, a Bohemian possession. We have a picture of a serious, shy,     withdrawn youth, a shepherd for his parents. His formal education was a few     years of elementary school. Abraham von Frankenberg, says: “he was modest,  patient, & meek of heart.” He seemed to have an innate awareness of reality’s  invisible dimensions & a deep sense of divinity’s presence behind the physical  world. A stranger came into the shop one day & foretold his future of greatness,  poverty, anguish, & persecution. A short time later Boehme was rewarded with  an illumination that put him in a 7-day state of ecstasy.

           In 1600 he had the supreme visionary experience of his life, which esta-    blished all the major themes upon which his many works were based. After  gazing at a pewter plate reflecting the sun, he felt himself in the presence of     God and was aware of being inducted into the very heart of the universe.     Boehme stated: “I had long been undergoing an intense effort to find the heart    of Jesus Christ and to be freed … from everything that turned me from Christ,  when suddenly the gate opened. In ¼ hour, I saw and knew more than if I had  been many years at university… I knew and saw in myself all 3 worlds: divine,  angelical; dark world; external, visible world as outbreathing of the internal,     spiritual worlds. He waited 10 years to write it and another illumination in Aurora  (Glow of Dawn); he produced 30 books and treatises during his lifetime.

           The Aurora was circulated by a nobleman, and it immediately set in mo-    tion a long and bitter feud between Boehme and his Lutheran pastor, Grego-    rious Richter; Boehme was often unflattering to the established clergy. Richter     decreed exile; [it was lessened to a gag order, which Boehme abided by for 7     years]. Boehme was encouraged by friends, and afraid that God would be     disappointed [if he acted the coward]. He wrote in spite of persecution and the     threat of severe punishment, and became a renowned figure throughout much  of Europe. 

           The Nature & Manifestation of God—What was it that this gentle man  saw which caused him to be despised by some & so venerated by some of the  most spiritual men of his day? Boehme’s insights can be divided into [4 main]  categories: God's nature and creation; the Fall’s meaning; salvation; good and    evil’s inter-relationship. The themes comprise a system; it is necessary to read  most of his work to grasp it; he is repetitious. 

            Once the pieces are put together, we possess a marvelous illumination  on the age-old problem of good & evil. Reading [and understanding] him, we    come to feel that the plan for mankind which God unfolds is a magnificent    one. The core of Boehme’s doctrine, is a masterpiece of invention, arising    from the Creator’s desire to sport or play. “Of the reason why the eternal and     unchangeable God has created the world, it can only be said that he did it in     His love. Man’s fall was inevitable, though freely chosen by him, i.e., he eagerly  accepted the opportunity to eat of the Tree of Good and Evil, to participate in     a world of multiplicity.”

            From early childhood Boehme was aware of manifold invisible realms.  His visions demonstrated that man was truly & literally made in God’s image.     “The life of a man is a form of the divine will, and to do the will of God means to  become fully godlike, realizing ones highest ideals. The abyss manifested itself  through the drama of creation whereby God saw Himself in Himself." 

           Boehme’s 7 phases or “qualities” in God’s process are: desire; motion;  

 anguish; conflagration [passionate fire]; light or love; sound & form; complete  realization of 1st 6 in nature. The 1st mentioned here is a contracting force that  brings the potential for being an individual. At the same time there is motion (2),  an centrifugal, organizing force. Together they generate anguish (3). From the    great tension, an explosive passionate fire bursts forth (4). Through this flash  are manifested all the opposite pairs of the universe, i.e. the beginning of  multiplicity.     

           Boehme’s 5th quality “is the love-fire which separates from painful fire;  divine love appears as a substantial being… The soul in its substance is a     magical gush of fire from God the Father’s nature. She is a passionate desire    for light.” Boehme’s 6th quality, “sound,” symbolizes sensory awareness. The    7th quality is the complete realization of the 1st 6. Rufus Jones writes: “God’s     Word, & eternal Son [is] a visible realization of God’s eternal heart.” Boehme    writes, “We find everywhere 2 beings in one—1st, an eternal, divine and spi-    ritual being, & then one that has a beginning & is natural, temporal, & corrup-   tible… God must become man in order that man may become God.” 

            Seen within the context of the harmonious interplay of the 7 qualities,  conflict appears as an essential ingredient of an elegantly proportioned &     balanced whole. The divine will is one & undivided, stemming from the purest     goodness & expressing itself in a vast plan of intricate design, interwoven with     threads from the “dark source.” Boehme writes, “All human beings are funda-   mentally but one man. This [Adam] is the trunk, the rest are branches, recei-    ving all their power from the trunk. In Paradise, Adam was embraced by eter-     nity. God created him in His image and only when he fell did he become  subject to the limitation of time.” 

            Central for Boehme’s thought was the insight that Adam was originally    neither male nor female, but contained the qualities of both sexes within him-    self. The 7 qualities of God were originally in harmonious balance in man, as     they are eternally within God Himself. The development of these qualities     depends upon a free choice & experienced knowledge of good & evil, which     can exist only in a world of paired opposites. 

            Preparing for the Fall of Man, God  drew out the feminine qualities from  Adam & formed Eve. “When Lucifer saw his own beauty & realized his high     birth, he became desirous of triumphing  over the divine birth, & of exalting     himself above the heart of God.” He wanted to be a God & to rule in all things     by the power of fire. Each individual life   reflects the pattern laid down by them  and described in Genesis—a dynamic pattern eternally operative with the  Godhead.

            Salvation & Regeneration—Reflection of the macrocosm of God, the  microcosm of the individual soul contains a world of dark anger, as well as a     world of sweet loving light; these 2 must always be in conflict. It is the primary     intention of the Creator to reconcile these 2 impulses, as they are reconciled     within Himself, & to bring the creature back to Himself. [Adam’s journey into     the world & a self-centered existence of pride & materialism] carried him far  from his creator; only God’s grace could rescue him. 

           God’s great act of redemption was taken as the Christ Spirit, working  through the body & mind of a fully human individual Jesus of Nazareth.     Through the incarnation, a new opportunity opened for man, a giant step for-   ward in spiritual evolution. Jesus redeemed us by making it possible for us to    realize the same quality of life he had realized, to reach the same heights of    spiritual perfection he had reached. Boehme writes: “I must clothe myself in  Christ by means of the desire of faith. I must myself enter into his obedience.” 

            We become children of God in Christ through an inward resident grace     which regenerates us into childlikeness. This regeneration is a lifelong struggle  & growth. “While I was wrestling & battling, being aided by God, a wonderful     light arose with my soul. It was a light entirely foreign to my unruly nature, but     in it I recognized the true nature of God & man & the relation between them, a  thing which theretofore I had never understood.” 

           It follows from Boehme’s strong emphasis on free will that “election” &     “predestination” were contrary to his convictions. Boehme emphasizes that  Jesus “came to invite sinners.” For the soul that says “yes” to God, allowing      the New Man to be woven within itself through the work of the resident Holy    Spirit, the outer life changes drastically. 

            The soul reborn is indifferent to prestige, wealth & worldly distractions;     it is meek, self-effacing, concerned for the well-being of others, detests all     wars & violence & conflict with its neighbor, acts as a peacemaker among men,  & in all ways shows itself a submissive servant & God’s friend. Not until man     & God reach out to each other & the birth of the New Man is completed will  the purpose of the universe be fulfilled. [As a concert band must be tuned] so     must the true human harmony be tuned, combining  all voices into a love     melody. 

           The Problem of Free Will—[After looking at Boehme’s insights on evil],  we can see that they also illuminate the problem of free will. The decision for  good or evil is made as an inevitable outgrowth of the individual’s deepest     nature. [Why would anyone choose evil]? Boehme’s visions revealed 2 con-    cepts: that each soul is a combination of good & evil forces; the human soul    was the precious core of an evolutionary process. “Every fiery life was brought    forth in its beginning to the light.” And God has willed for us a role of surpas-   sing nobility [with] an attitude of abject humility, coupled with a singing, rejoi-    cing, exulting faith. 

           Every manifestation of Being is a product of the 7 qualities (desire; mo-    tion; anguish; conflagration [passionate fire]; light or love; sound & form; com-    plete realization of 1st 6 in nature), combining in a long & complex blosso-    ming beyond our capacity to comprehend. Having begun its development     before it enters the earth, the soul continues to evolve throughout its sojourn     here, where it is offered the opportunity of articulating itself. Each decision that  it makes is crucial, both for its next step in life and for its ultimate quality and  destiny. 

            The soul suffers many obstacles: physical pain and deprivation; disap-

 pointment; humiliation; loss of love; egotism; and sensuality. These distract or     lead it away from God. The universe to Boehme is a vast evolutionary system    moving on many dimensions towards the full crystallization of the Creator     through His creation… Only how courageously & wisely the soul has met the    challenge of evil, how enlightened it has become concerning the journey’s    purpose, to what degree it has allowed itself to be used as the divine will’s    instrument determines its quality in God’s eyes. 

            Each soul is offered God’s love & opportunities to turn to God repea-    tedly. The challenge of evil is a thread woven throughout the structure of the  universe; its mysterious patterns are not to be fathomed by man’s mind. If a     soul becomes hardened & “darkened” by too many wrong choices, if it has     become too deeply entangled in materialism, too self-centered, proud & unlo-    ving, it is in danger of losing its capacity to respond to the divine benevolence     within itself, & is lost forever. For Boehme heaven & hell are not places, but  states of mind & soul. 

            God brought the universe into existence that we might have the oppor-    tunity of understanding good & evil & creating our own destiny. Love must 1st     be recognized, through a contrast with hate, understood, then laboriously and    painfully struggled for through a gradual relinquishing of the selfish will. God     dignifies [and respects] man by giving him autonomy in creating his own soul  and destiny, and He respects man’s decision whatever its nature. 

           Practical Applications—Man [on his part] strives to achieve a middle  ground between 2 dangerous possibilities; failing to develop his individuality     sufficiently; or becoming self-willed & [going the way of Lucifer]. If God wants to  differentiate Himself in us, His mirror, then we must develop our capacities to    the utmost, discovering, imagining, creating on the intellectual level, & entering  into a wide range of relationships. 

           [If a soul is stuck in the battle between desire & motion, & there is no  ignition into a passionate fire], the soul cannot find peace. Youth’s hostility &     self-centeredness isn’t a stage that can be skipped. [The soul is taking stock of  itself, who it is, what it can contribute]. No soul can move forward until it makes  peace with itself. The more familiar & probably more difficult source of evil [—    i.e.  prideful self-indulgence—plagues those who] are enchanted with them-    selves & their own games, & genuinely unaware of any purpose in the world     beyond self-indulgence. Either of these 2 possibilities can open the soul to the    spirits of evil, and result in the soul’s final “hardening and darkening.” A small     amount of self-doubt [which translates into realization of one’s role as God’s     servant], and arrogance [which becomes recognition of one’s power & worth],    are necessary. 

           Boehme’s thoughts avoid the following 4 unsatisfactory ways to explain   or reconcile evil with an omnipotent and benevolent Creator:

      1. The absolute denial of evil, [explaining it away as] an error or illusion.

      2. The despairing, resigned acceptance of evil because both God and man     are partially and irrevocably evil. 

      3. Creating God’s adversary of equal power, waging an eternal war with     each other. 

      4. Attributing evil to man alone, [thus creating an unbearable and unneces-    sary burden of guilt]. 

 The blueprint of the divine source, [the 7 qualities], being firmly rooted within     every man and demonstrated by the life of Jesus of Nazareth, cannot be set     aside without the risk of neurosis, illness and finally spiritual death. 

            Jacob Boehme predicted that his works would gradually fall into obscu-    rity, and reemerge “in the time of the lily.” Many signs point to the likelihood that  that time is at hand. It is to be hoped that Quakers in particular, will re-discover  in Boehme an inspiring link with the spiritual currents upon which their own     faith originally rested. [This and other] mystical streams are once again bub-   bling to the surface throughout the world, offering nourishment, refreshment   and a straight way to the Lord for all who have eyes to see and ears to hear.

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352. Navigating the Living Waters of the Gospel of John: On Wading 

        with Children & Swimming with Elephants (by Paul Anderson; 

        2000)

    About the Author [& Pamphlet]—Paul Anderson is Professor of Bibli-    cal and Quaker Studies at George Fox University where he has taught since     1989. His undergraduate and graduate studies were done at Malone College     (B.A.), Earlham School of Religion (M.Div.), and University of Glasgow (Ph.D.).  Paul is editor of Quaker Religious Thought. This pamphlet was presented as a  Monday Evening Lecture in Fall of 2000.

    [Introduction]—The 4^th Gospel has been called "a stream in which a  child can wade and an elephant can swim." John's Gospel is both a primer for     newcomers to the faith and [a source of lengthy discussion and diverse scho-    larly opinion] among the finest scholars and theologians. What is it that ren-    ders John's gospel so reader friendly on one hand, and so theologically   puzzling on the other? It offers polarities between: certainty and mystery;     universalism and particularity; linear progress and circularity; inclusion and     exclusion; narrative history and spiritualizing comment; [elementary state-    ments] and baffling [theology].

           ON SWIMMING with ELEPHANTS—John's gospel has theological ten-    sions [in literally contradictory statements]. John has been used by both sides  of arguments. In John we have a very human presentation of Jesus, & a very     divine one. John's theological tensions include questions on miracles, salvation,  & views on the Jews. Signs are offered, yet dependence on signs is rebuked &    belief without signs is blessed. The true Light that enlightens everyone coming    into the world is Jesus, suggesting universalism; yet Jesus is "the way, the     truth & the life, through whom all come to the Father," which suggests a par-   ticular belief. These and other passages lead us to wonder if John is self-con-     tradictory or ambivalent, and invite  us to explore reasons for the perplexing  issues.

           John attracts a great deal of attention because of its many differences     from the other gospels. The timing of events is different and its content differs,     with things like the "I am" statements unique to John, and the major feature of     Synoptic parables missing in John. 5 of 8 of John's miracles aren't found in the  Synoptics, even though "water into wine" & the "raising of Lazarus" are among  the most memorable. Exorcisms are missing from John. The Synoptic idea of  faith as prerequisite to miracles, is replaced by signs as a precursor to faith.     How could John be so different from the Synoptics if it were written by an  eyewitness?
           Chapters 4 and 6 are in Galilee, while 5 and 7 are set in Jerusalem; are  they in the right order? The beginning Prologue is quite different from either the  material that follows it or the Synoptics. And there seem to be 2 endings to  John, one describing "why these things have been written" (20:31), and one in  John 21: 24-25. My view of John's composition is that it involved 2 major edi-   tions, one written around 80 C.E. as something of an augmentation of and     complement to Mark. Material was added in a 2nd edition, most likely 1:1-18,     Chapters 6, 15-17 and 21, nearly 20 years later. The Epistles of John were     written in between the 2 editions of John's gospel. Why do readers become  attached to it for personal reasons of faith?

           ON WADING with CHILDREN—How do we wade with the children  while reading meaningfully John's Gospel? Even the simplest readings can  evoke a faith-response to God; this makes John a powerful piece spiritually.    The reader comes to feel like an insider to the faith as one receives its "good     news" & accepts it. Readers become part of a new, loving community of faith.    Any & all are invited to accept "the truth"; from this gospel's perspective, not    all do so. Jesus came unto his own & they received him not. Some saw     Jesus' signs & didn't believe. The evangelist speculated that either they loved     the darkness not the light, or they weren't rooted in God. This attitude reflects     a community's pain in dealing with disappointments of conviction as to who    Jesus was & what he came to do. How do we find ways to navigate the      "living waters" of John's provocative text?

            NAVIGATING the "LIVING WATERS" of the GOSPEL of JOHN—The  best way to enter the world sketched by this gospel is to explore what it says in  the light of how it says it. John's gospel was 1st written as a religious apology  seeking to convince readers that Jesus was the Jewish Messiah & the world's  life-giving hope. It seeks to preserve stories about & sayings of Jesus. It's an  evangelistic appeal to convince readers that Jesus was sent by God, to be     received through faith. Reasons why people don't believe are talked about, as    is how people are [following Jesus the] right or the wrong way, which takes us  beyond Jesus' time to later developments in tradition. John's gospel asks &     answers the question: What does it mean for Jesus to be the Messiah/     Christ?

    John 20:31 serves as the gospel's clear purpose statement: "These  [particular signs] are written so that you may come to believe that Jesus is the     Messiah, the Son of God, and that through believing you may have life in his     name." When you set aside chapters 6 and 21, none of John's 5 remaining     miracles are recorded in Mark; this supports the idea of a "1st edition aug-    menting Mark. John 20:30 acknowledges this fact and declares what he is     trying to do in writing a gospel. What are John's 5 unique signs and how     are they constructed to evoke belief? What does it mean to believe?      What does it mean to receive life in his name?

            NAVIGATING the "LIVING WATERS" JOHN'S GOSPEL:"...THESE  THINGS are WRITTEN..."—John's gospel uses 3 kinds of material to lead the     reader to respond in faith to God's saving/ revealing action in Jesus: witness;     miracles or signs; fulfilled word.

           The Witness Motif—Marturia or witness is used 33 times in John. While  associated with "martyr," in John the term isn't limited to those who gave their     lives or suffered for their faith. John's witness motif points to the authenticity of  the Son's witness to the Father who sent him. John the Baptist is John's primary  gospel witness. The evangelist wants to be sure readers associate the Messi-    anic Prophet & Elijah with Jesus, not John the Baptist. The woman at the well     felt there was something qualitatively different in her encounter with Jesus. The  lives of John's witnesses become testimonies to spiritual experiences associa-    ted with encountering something of God in the presence of Jesus. The crowd  beholding the raising of Lazarus become witnesses to the climactic miracle.

           The Scriptures witness to Jesus, & Jesus' followers become his witnes-

 ses in the world as the Holy Spirit comes upon them. The eyewitnesses testify     that others might believe; the gospel writer testifies to what the final editor    claims he witnessed. "We know his testimony is true," represents corporate    convictions about his testimony's authority. Jesus' signs, words, & works    come from the Father, & testify that he is sent from the Father. While granting    that self-witness is insufficient, Jesus clarifies that the Father & Holy Spirit also    testify on his behalf. The emphasis upon the multiplicity of testimonies, of  course, confirms the other witnesses about Jesus.

    The Signs—John uses the word semeia or signs to describe Jesus'     works. John's signs are crafted in such a way as to highlight the saving/revea-   ling mission of Jesus. They become bases from which to develop Jesus'     discourses; each of the signs carries with it the capacity to lead the reader to     faith. In the "turning water into wine" sign, purification jars are used to make the  party festive and celebrative, not sober and reflective; he saved the best wine  for last. This event serves as the launching of Jesus' ministry. His own death  and resurrection will be a final saving of the best for last, leading to the post-   resurrection experience of the church.

    [I recall 3 highlights of] the healing of the royal official's son. Jesus was  rejected in Nazareth & Galilee, & received a warmer welcome from the royal     official in Capernaum. Religious authorities miss the activity of the Spirit they     "seek." To the degree the official believes, the miracle is affected. Faith ac-    companies, not produces miracles in John's gospel. Jesus' distant healing     word is experienced as showing his authenticity. The healing of the paralytic     demonstrates Jesus' concern for the infirm, [while it raises the need for] par-    ticipation of human faith, & raises the query: How have my infirmities be-    come more desired than God's transformative workings? How do I want  to be whole?  Religious leaders react with questioning, unbelief and [missing  the point].

    John 6 presents 2 "Synoptic miracles": feeding the 5,000 and the sea-    crossing. After the feeding, the crowd exclaims that Jesus must be "the Prophet  who is come into the world, and they wish to crown him. Jesus flees the crowds'  designs and escapes into the hills by himself. Readers are exhorted to choose  the life-producing food which Jesus offers as opposed to lesser alternatives.   The sea-crossing is more terse and undeveloped than its Synoptic counter-    parts. In  the Synoptics Jesus calms the storm, but in John Jesus calms the  disciples.

    The blind man's healing in John 9 represents symbolic development of    a Johnanine sign. Jesus says that it was nobody's sin that lay at the root of his  blindness, but that God might be glorified. His healing & its occurrence on the  Sabbath caused an argument. The blind man in his obedience becomes a key  witness to Jesus' Messiahship. This story also conveys judgment. This story     exposes Johnanine Christianity's religious context. John 9:22 cites that Jewish  leaders decided those confessing Jesus as Messiah would be put out of the     synagogue; this suggests that believers in Jesus among John's audience were  expelled from synagogues, [i.e.] experiencing religious hardship for their beliefs.  Criticism of leaders extended to "non-believers" in John's audience.

    The point of the Lazarus miracle is that death itself is transcended by  God's saving/redeeming action in Christ Jesus. Jesus saves the best for last,     and his miracles signify the overcoming of the ultimate foe: death. The signs in  John lead the reader beyond the events narrated to the spiritual truths they     represent; they reveal God's character & love. They also confirm Jesus as the     Jewish Messiah. The resurrected Lord leads effectively if the disciples are  attentive and responsive. This is the final sign's message.

            The Fulfilled Word—The Jewish belief that the authentic prophet is  basically confirmed as the Old Testament prophetic word comes true. Note the  prevalence of fulfilled Scripture in John. John the Baptist is the voice of one     crying in the wilderness "Make straight the way of the Lord" (Isaiah 40:3). The     narrator points out 8 times that events or sayings were explicit fulfillments of the  Scriptures or the Prophets. [Actions were often not understood as they hap-    pened or immediately after]. Secondary reflection documents a community     developing in its belief regarding the ministry of Jesus as scriptural associations  and connections emerged. In many direct ways the fulfilled word of Scripture  attests to divinely ordained events in Jesus' ministry.

    At least 6 times Jesus himself is presented as declaring a prophecy to  be fulfilled in the events surrounding his ministry. Jesus said: "Let anyone who     is thirsty come to me, and let the one who believes in me drink ... Out of the     believer's heart shall flow rivers of living water" (John 7:37-38; from either Isaiah  44:2-3 or Zechariah 14:8). Many predictions are declared to have fulfilled the  word of Jesus after the event had transpired. In John's discourse, Jesus' de-   parture and sending of the Holy Spirit are predicted ahead of time so that when  it does happen the disciples will believe. In many ways Jesus having been sent  from the Father is authenticated because all the words of the true Prophet like  Moses in Deuteronomy 18:15-22 indeed come true. 

    Caiaphas' prophetic word is to be taken as an unwitting double enten-    dre: "You know nothing at all ... It is better for you to have 1 man die for the     people than to have the whole nation destroyed." Caiphas was talking about     Romans, but it can be taken as a prophetic statement from God that Jesus was  about to die for the nation, & not for the nation only, but to gather into one dis-    persed children of God. Part of it coming true was the coming to Jesus of the  Greeks. 

    ... SO THAT YOU MIGHT COME TO BELIEVE—The reader's coming     into a faith relationship with God is the main interest of the evangelist. To be-   lieve in Jesus is to respond in faith to the saving initiative of God. All religious     concepts in the Bible are found within other religions except that God became     flesh and dwelt among us. The Incarnation produces a crisis for humanity, de-   manding a response to the saving revelation of God through Christ Jesus.     The Truth sets us free, and challenges our conventional loyalties and under-    standings. To hear John's gospel-message is to be already transformed by the  life-producing Word of God.

    The Semantics of Belief—The word pisteuo (believe) occurs 98 times    in John, & only as a verb. Belief is opening one's life to God, and not trusting     anything of creaturely origin. It is to set one's sail to the Spirit's wind & to live     responsively to the eternal Christ's divine presence & leadings. Believing in     Jesus leads to partnership with his redemptive mission as one who witnesses     to that which one has received. Belief on the basis of, or because of something  said or done, draws in the Greek word dia (on account of). Belief that involves  the Greek word hoti. 

    Messianic mission is authenticated by belief that Jesus was sent by  God; accepting this conviction is of central importance to the Johannine sen-   ding motif. "Believing that" sometimes suggests a formulaic understanding     of who Jesus was & what he came to do. Martha's confession: "Yes, Lord, I     believe you are the Messiah, the Son of God, the one coming into the world"     probably came to represent the community's belief in Jesus.

    "Not believing" in John is regarded quite seriously and is regarded as     the primary description of sin. The issue is failure of humans to respond to     God's ultimate gifts by clinging to something less than ultimate. They rejected     the human/divine partnership that trust implies. The Holy Spirit's work con-   victs us of sin and of righteousness; sin is the failure to believe. Not belie-   ving be comes a step towards [inquiry &] conjectures about why people do     not believe; some refuse to believe because Jesus is telling the truth. [As a last  resort] the evangelist can only offer is that their unbelief has been prophesied     by Isaiah 12:39.

Several times partial belief is alluded to, belief in signs or Jesus' action, but  not in Jesus himself as the Jewish Messiah. It is as though religious expecta-    tions of how God ought to be working have themselves crowded out humanity's  openness to the present workings of God. Partial belief at least moves people  in the right direction according to John's Gospel, even if only preliminarily. To     believe fully in Jesus is to receive him as the saving/ revealing agency of God,  and to do so is to say "Yes" to God's YES to the world.

    A further stage of faith draws in readers and others from later genera-    tions. ("Blessed are those who have not seen, and yet have come to believe"     (20:29)). [Blessed are those] who are captivated by the gospel witness about     him. An encounter with John's witness and the living Christ it portrays becomes  a sort of direct, 1st-order experience for later generations that those who    walked and talked with Jesus enjoyed. The reader become a witness to a      human-divine encounter.

            [... AND RECEIVE LIFE in HIS NAME]—Jesus comes to bring life to  those who believe, and is the way, the truth and the life, the means by which all  who come to the Father do so. The Greek word for life in John is zoe (spiritual  life versus bios, physical life); it is often modified by ainios (eternal). Here,     eternal life is described as a relational event; it reveals who believers become in  relation to God. Jesus is able to provide life because he gives his life for the     world that God loves; in responding to Jesus, people also respond to the one    who sent him. Jesus comes that we might have life. Disciples must be wil-      ling to lay down their lives if they expect to receive the gift of life availed through  Jesus.

           The receiving of life is also associated with "glory." Glory in John denotes  encounter with the living God, rather than the false glory of human approval.     Believers are drawn into the eternal fellowship and glory shared by the Father     and the Son. How does one navigate the living waters of John's provocative     text? Noticing how John says what it says provides the best place to begin.    John the evangelist sought to convince the reader of his subject's truth and to    evoke a transformative encounter with his subject. Test the waters for yourself.  Become a wader or a swimmer; just jump into [this stream of Truth].

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353. Letting That Go, Keeping This: The Spiritual Pilgrimage of Fritz 

        Eichenberg  (by Philip Harnden; 2001)

             About: the Author [& Pamphlet; Fritz Eichenberg]—Philip Harnden    serves on the program committee of the Upper New York Office of the American  Friends Service Committee (AFSC). This pamphlet's [roots are found in a 1985  article in The Other Side magazine], out of which grew a lecture given at a Fritz  Eichenberg retrospective exhibit at Guilford College. Both were further expan-    ded and updated for this pamphlet.
            Fritz Eichenberg (1901-1990) was born in Cologne, emigrated to the US  in 1933 and became known as an artist, educator, printmaker and illustrator for  children's & classic books. His prints are in major collections here and abroad.     He became a Quaker in 1940, wrote and illustrated 2 Pendle Hill Pamphlets 68.  Art and Faith (1952) 257. Artist on the Witness Stand (1984); he also designed  Pendle Hill's Logo.

    So the wise soul/ watches with the inner/ not the outward eye,/ letting     that go/keeping this. Lao Tzu

1st Illustration: Riddle of the Peaceable Kingdom, 1977—This black & white  illustration uses traditional characters of Isaiah 11, & those used by Edward  Hicks in the several "Peaceable Kingdom" versions he painted, to form the side  view of a man's face. The leopard lies stretched out at the bottom, with a lion  sitting regally on top, his mane forming the man's beard, & his mouth serving as  the man's mouth. On the lion's head, a calf is wedged between lion & wolf's tail;  the calf's rear forms the man's hooked nose, & the wolf's tail forms an eyebrow.  The wolf is wedged in a flat, backwards "S"-shape through the "face's" center. A  bear forms the rear, upper part of the head; a little girl huddled within its paws.  The top front of the head is an oxen, with a leafy vine forming hair.

           [Introduction]—The Depression was raging when young & green Fritz     Eichenberg emigrated from Germany to the US in 1933. He only had an art  school education & a longing to be an artist. A NYC fortune-teller "saw" him     "working with wood," & thought he "must be ... a violinist." By 1985, Eichen-    berg's wood engravings and lithographs had received international acclaim.    Critics admired his sense of drama, & ordinary people loved his [honest &     easily understood] portrayal of hopes & troubles. His work was found in muse-   ums & art galleries, tenements & soup kitchens. Eichenberg wrote: "I seemed     to have been destined to work with, on & around wood all my life." Place  names involving "wood" and "forest" filled his life; his name meant "oak     mountain."

            Of his spiritual journey, Eichenberg told, "We were more German than  Jewish. We didn't practice anything, no religion in my home. Spiritual guidance I  did not have. I've lived my life more or less on guidance from some unknown    power ..."; he spoke of a "guardian angel. What forms might a guardian angel  take?

 2nd Illustration: Pax Bestiarium [Peace Bestiary], 1965—A black & white,  tightly packed animal-collection. Clockwise from upper right corner: tree with     small dove in branches & snake just below the dove. Lion's head. orangutan     (lower right corner); lamb & rabbit on bottom. Wolf (lower left corner); moose;     Native American depiction of bird spirit (upper left corner). Vertically through  center & length of the picture is elephant's head.

    The Animals—[Eichenberg]: I've always loved animals. As a child  growing up in Germany my dream was to have a dog ... [and] a mouse. Out of     the question ... I spent endless time at the zoo with my sketchbook. The     animals were my intimate friends. I knew them and they knew me ... [I was] an  artist who spent ... [a lot] of time sketching and studying animals, finding com-   fort in their company, and learning from them."

            His school's teachers were stern and often use whipping for even tiny     infractions; his only enjoyment was the art class. The hours he spent with     animals were an important influence and teacher on his spiritual journey. The     Peaceable Kingdom was an important image, [a symbol of the restoration] to a  beloved community. We also find Noah and St. Francis among his depiction of  animals.

           The Chinese Sage—[Eichenberg]: "My mother was too busy. I went  either to the zoo or the bookstore. I found in Cologne a bookstore with an edi-    tion of Lao Tzu's Sayings, 81 sayings by a Chinese sage who lived 600 years     before  Christ. I bought this book and fell in love with it; I always carry it when     I travel."

 3rd Illustration: Lao Tzu, 1966—Black & white illustration of an elderly Chi-    nese man, bald on top & long hair on the side of his head, long beard, sitting     side-saddle with an open scroll on his lap, on an oxen plodding up a mountain  trail, with a rugged mountain in the background.

    The Tao Te Ching is Taoism's spiritual classic, probably written 2500  years ago, possibly by Lao Tzu. It speaks to people every where as if it had     been written yesterday. One of the fundamental metaphors of Taoism is "The     Uncarved Block," a Taoist symbol of the original state of humanity before greed  took hold; simplicity was also a Taoist symbol. 

    Eichenberg's reaction to Lao Tzu was, "The artist who wants to serve     God will have to embrace poverty ... Those are the happy ones, happy as only  those can be who live an integrated life, worshiping as they work [and create] ...  without counting the pennies of their reward ... We were all born artists [and]     genuises ... We were born free in mind and spirit. [we become enslaved] to]     conformity and practicality [and] the grinding process of drab mechanical labor."  Eichenberg watches with the inner eye, and has an "instinct for the hidden life  in the world around us." [Woodcarving is a process of letting that go,/ keeping  this]. Where is the art in Fritz Eichenberg's work? Is it in what is there—or  in what is not there; in what is kept or what is let go; the inked or the  uninked?

    [Lao Tzu]: [One should live simply] contented with one's food, pleased  with one's clothing, satisfied with one's home, taking pleasures in one's rustic     tasks.

    ... what works reliably/ is to know the raw silk,/ hold the uncut wood./  Need little/ want less./ Forget the rules./ Be untroubled.

    The 5 colors/ blind our eyes./ The 5 notes/ deafen our ears./ The 5 fla-    vors dull our taste.// Racing, chasing, hunting,/ drives people crazy./ Trying to     get rich/ ties peoples in knots.// So the wise soul/ watches with the inner/ not    the outward eye,/ letting that go,/ keeping this.////

   30 spokes/ meet in the hub./ Where the wheel isn't/ is where it's useful.//  Hollowed out,/ clay makes a pot./ Where the pot's not/ is where it's useful.// Cut  doors and windows/ to make a room./ Where the room isn't,/ there's room for  you.// So the profit in what is/ is in the use of what isn't.///

 4^th Illustration: The Grand Inquisitor, 1949—Black and white illustration of  looking out the doorway of a friar's study. A friar stands near the doorway, head  in hands. A Jesus-like figure climbs up the worn, stone steps. Between friar    and figure looms a half-face the length of the 2 people portrayed. It is the sor-    rowful, care-worn, thorn-crowned face of Jesus, a black hole representing his    eye.

    The Russian Novelists—I believe he found his next spiritual guide     among Russian novelists, especially Fyodor Dostoyevski, who had been his     spiritual companion for years. Eichenberg illustrated numerous Dostoyevski     classics. Eichenberg told me, "I have no Russian roots [or language skills] of     any kind. I understand the Russians and they understand me. Eichenberg    once said that he was attracted to the idea of redemption through suffering,    as portrayed in Russian novels. [Pamphlet author offers quote from Dosto-   yevski's character Father Zossima (The Brothers Karamazov)]: "Love all    God's creation, the whole and every grain of sand of it. Love every leaf, every     ray of God's light. Love the animals, love the plants, everything ... Once you     [love and] perceive it, you will begin to comprehend it better every day ..."

    "God has given animals the rudiments of thought and joy untroubled.     Do not trouble their joy, don't harass them, don't deprive them of their hap-    piness, don't work against God's intent."

            The Brothers Karamazov is a novel of great darkness and great light.     The very name Karamazov [means "black smear."]; many of the scenes take     place at night. This novel is the most symmetrical of Dostoyevski's novels,    where the many apparent opposites intermingle [e.g. candlelight in the night].     Dostoyevski [illuminates] a grand struggle to embrace all, the darkness & the    light, to acknowledge dark within the light—and love it all.

    Eichenberg worked mostly with white and black, and wrestled in his art     and his soul with what is there and what isn't there, what is seen & what is     hidden, what is lost and what remains. He writes: "Wood engraving and litho-    graph ... let you create light out of the dark as you face the black woodblock or  the darkened surface of the lithographic stone. You spread light by the first     touch of the graver or etching needing. You create a source of light which  spreads over the "stage," picks out ... actors and sets the scene ..." 

    [His work encapsulates the art, sorrow, loneliness, hunger, loss, dread,  and friendship, of his whole life]. This is the work of an artist unafraid to em-   brace the shadows, [to bring them together] in the black and white Taoist yin-   yang  circle. Fritz Eichenberg takes nurture [and spiritual guidance] from Dos-   toyevski's great struggle with light and darkness.

    5^th Illustration: The Dove and the Hawk, 1980—Black and white illu-     stration of a dark hawk and a smaller white dove in a dive, their heads down-   ward. They both appear angry and in a struggle with each other.

    The Quakers—Perhaps it was inevitable that a man drawn to the light  metaphor would make his way to Quakerism. But Eichenberg's journey to     Quakerism began, not with light, but with darkness. He, his wife and infant     daughter fled Germany. In 1937 his wife developed a tumor that required    surgery, and she died on the operating table. He went into seclusion in the  basement of a friends home and stayed there for months.

            A young teacher interested in Zen Buddhism came to visit & began     reading to Eichenberg, who said, "I was lying in a horizontal position, listening     ... [as he] read to me from a Zen Buddhism book"; it was Eichenberg's "ap-    prenticeship with silence." He emerged from the basement, & began explo-     ring Zen, but found it too foreign. He said, "I got to Quakerism through     Buddhism [and its concept of] emptying your mind & letting the Great Tao    stream's spirit into you & fill you." The book read to him during his illness  mentioned Quakers & silent worship.

    Eichenberg traveled to Philadelphia and queried a Swarthmore profes-    sor with hard questions about Quakers. Eichenberg told me, "When he was     finished, the professor said, 'Not that I think Quakers are so great. Show me a     better group and I'd join tomorrow.' I felt sure that if they allowed skepticism,     then this was for me too." He joined Quakers in 1940, and remained an active     Quaker for 50 years until his death in 1990. He referred to himself as a "con-    vinced Friend and a convinced artist." Of his skepticism he comments: "I have    never been without my criticisms of Quakerism. I find Quakers in general too     polite, too genteel. [Most] would rather have the AFSC respond to crisis than     respond themselves, and they have little understanding or appreciation of art ...  [still], it was what fit me best. A Quaker introduced Fritz Eichenberg to another    of his spiritual guides.

    6^th Illustration: Christ of the Homeless, 1982—Black and white illu-    stration of a cross from the cross-bar down, with the cross-bar in the form of an  arrow pointing left. Below the cross is huddled a care-worn Jesus, with his arms  around a homeless couple.

    The Catholic Workers—Dorothy Day, a devout Catholic, stalwart paci-    fist, holy troublemaker, and the co-founder of the Catholic Worker movement,     was invited to Pendle Hill for a conference on religion & publishing. She and     other Catholic Workers lived among America's urban poor. She published     Catholic Worker, the newspaper; she comforted the afflicted, and afflicted the  comfortable. 

    Day and Eichenberg were intentionally seated next to each other. Day  asked Eichenberg to work for her for nothing; they become very close friends.     Over the years, other prints have appeared showing Christ among the disen-    franchised. I asked Eichenberg why Christ incarnated was a theme for him. He  replied, "What I have been trying to show ... is that Christ is with us as a living  force ... [This should] prohibit killing, prohibit war and destruction, [and] esta-    blish the sacredness, the sanctity of human life." 

    Day often found his Christ incarnations clipped from her newspaper and  pasted to the walls of the poor homes she visited. He was equally pleased     when the AFSC used his Bible prints depicting scenes from the Hebrew Scrip-    tures, to raise money for rebuilding a Vietnamese hospital. Artists must be on     the witness stand, [and] lend their talent to the causes they hold dear. When     Dorothy Day die in 1980, Eichenberg lost a friend, a colleague, and spiritual  soul-mate; her laughter was one of the great rewards of his life.

 7^th Illustration: The Long Loneliness, 1980—Black and white illustration of a  pregnant woman reclining, eyes closed in apparently troubled sleep. Hovering    in the air, and "crouching" above her is a dark angel. In the upper right corner    is a " dark dove," surrounded in white, with 5 white rays radiating from the    "dove" to the pregnant woman's belly. In the background at the end of a win-    ding road, on 3 hills, are 3 crosses.

           Conclusion—From the 5 preceding groups—and others—that were  Eichenberg's spiritual directors, he drew inspiration, & nourishment. They were  present in his artwork, which "speaks to our condition." The most interesting     [engraving, etched by the life Fritz Eichenberg led], was his face. In his 80's, his  face was smooth, like polished end-grain boxwood, framed in wispy, white hair.  From his eyes' corners radiated tiny lines, the kind he might have etched with a  fine-pointed tool. When he smiled, lines burst forth, evidence of a lifetime en-    graved by laughter & warmth, sorrow & loss, darkness & light. The "oak moun-   tain" is gone, traveling further along on his pilgrimage some where else. I invite  you to enjoy them, to wrestle with, and engrave them on your own hearts.

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354 Live the Questions: Write into the Answers (By Mary C. 

        Morrison & Barbara E. Parsons; 2001)

                About the Authors—Mary Morrison (MM) is a writer & teacher who  divides time between PA & VT. She taught Gospel courses at Pendle Hill, & still  leads Bible Study at a Kendal retirement community. She's author of 5 other     pamphlets: 198 Re-Conciliation: The Hidden Hyphen; 219. Approaching the     Gospels   242. Journal & the Journey; 260 Way of the Cross; 311 Without  Nightfall Upon  the Spirit, a book, many articles, & book reviews.

            Barbara Parsons (BP) spent nearly 15 years at Pendle Hill as student &  staff. She works at Kendal retirement communities. Both authors kept journals     most of their lives. Material for pamphlet came from a Pendle Hill course in fall     1995. Authors took turns presenting materials; authors' initials appear before  each author change.

    Love questions themselves ... Don't seek answers; you can't have  them, because you wouldn't be able to live them, [which is the whole point].     Live questions now ... You will gradually ... without noticing, Live ... into

 answers. Rainer Maria Rilke

    (BP) JOURNALS —Julian of Norwich, Teresa of Avila, George Fox,  John Woolman are all early seekers using journals to help them know them-    selves, find life direction, & testify to faith. Howard Brinton used another term    —religious autobiography—for journals & saw it as a characteristic form of     Quaker writing. Non-religious seekers find great power in journals; writing is a     journey into the unknown. Burghild Holzer writes: "I trace my steps on the    page."   In journals we work through experience and explore the questions that  confront us every day.

    (MM) I. EMPTY PAGE—If you look closely at your feelings as you write,  you may find qualms, hesitations & maybe even paralysis. For Pema Chodron,  beginning to write requires: Precision—clarity about & being present with what  comes in writing; Gentleness—welcoming what comes through writing, giving it  freedom to say what it will; Letting Go—once written, leave it alone until it  returns to you, however long that takes.

    Write down the 1st thing that comes to you every morning after you  wake up. Eventually this practice becomes something else, raising questions &  starting a journey while starting a journal. No stopping; no editing.

   THOUGHTS ARE FREE—What restrictions will we find on our "free-   flowing" thoughts? There are the many cultural values we recognize & resist.  Some of society's normative values we resist without knowing why. There is a  certain amount of nonsense, even in cultural values we accept, & a certain     amount of good sense in ones we reject. We can gradually uncover what is     holding our thoughts back, letting them go & then writing. [There is a facet of     ourselves that] is very rigid, proper, & easily shocked. There is a "nice person"     self-image. In contrast there are all kinds of nasty, vindictive thoughts appea-     ring.  It's important to know that you can harbor such feelings—have them    often —and by being fully aware of them you can avoid acting on them  unconsciously.

    We need to accept what appears on the page uncritically as part of us.  The most pervasive thought-blocker of all is "Mr. Question." He blocks the road  to living into the [helpful] questions by asking severely demoralizing questions    all the time. He kept me from writing or taking an y decisive action; he discou-   raged me from being what I was. Yet he was inaudible to my conscious ear;    we are only aware of a paralysis that afflicts us. We need to write down a dia-   log with our inmost critic. Write as if your thoughts were free, untrammeled by    rigidity, by editing out all negativity and nasty thoughts, by [doubt-inducing  negative questions].

    THE GOOD LISTENER—If we are successful in [ignoring for a time] our  obstacles to really free thoughts, a new problem arises. Writing and talking into  a vacuum, to nobody, is chaos. It is not enough to rid ourselves of our negative  observers. We need to find within ourselves another observer, a positive one,  who will open up our inner life. It needs to be an attentive listener, who occa-    sionally asks clarifying, [horizon-expanding] questions. We must work toward     being our own best listener and find within us the same kind of wise and gentle  hearing that we have sometimes been lucky enough to find in other, outer lis-   teners. Write to this wise & understanding listener about a deep concern, an-     swer the thoughtful, clarifying questions raised by them. Eventually we will find  ourselves whispering into the ear of the 1st and final creator, God.

    (BP) II. ON THE ALERT—How do we use writing to explore ways     in which we connect to the world?      How do we let the metaphors we     find lead us to a greater understanding of self and place in the world? For  24 years until his death at age 45, Henry David Thoreau kept journals and     notebooks that amounted to 2,000,000 words in 39 volumes. A recurring theme  in the journals is: "I am on the alert for some wonderful Thing/ Which some-    where's a-taking place ... We must learn to reawaken and keep ourselves     awake, not by mechanical aids, but by infinite expectation of the dawn ...     Choice experiences in my own writing may inspire me and ... I may make     wholes of parts ... we remember our best hours and stimulate ourselves."

    We rarely see and feel and hear with every sense alert. Henry James  said: "Try to be one of the people on whom nothing is lost." Fresh eyes bring     new material to our writing, & we will reach down into the depths of our nature;  perhaps we will release memories that we have forgotten. Be entirely present to  what you are observing; describe what you see, hear, smell; move on to fee-   ling memories and associations; do this daily.

    CONSIDER THE TURTLE—Thoreau writes: Perchance you have wor-    ried your self; despaired of the world, meditated the end of life, and all things     seemed rushing to destruction; nature has steadily and serenely advanced with  a turtle's pace ... What is summer [but a] time for a turtle's eggs to hatch?"  [Our fast-paced life puts me in mind of] Alice running with the Red Queen, and  "it takes all the running you can do, to keep in the same place." How do we  leave time for sunrise, sunset, leaves growing in spring, a fine piece of  music, a poem, scripture, a family member or friend? 

    Ed Sanders was a Pendle Hill director. Before a staff retreat, he took the  time to say goodbye to each of the older, dying trees tagged for removal while     we were gone. I have scattered around the house, something on which to jot     down short notes about things I want to remember. What's happening to you    in this moment?      What are you experiencing?      What interests you &     moves you?      What is your mind doing?      What does your life mean on  this day?

    HALLOWING THE EVERYDAY—If we do not allow work to take up all  our attention, and give attention to the rest of the day, the day can give us great  themes. [During Work Day Wednesday morning, I worked on the basement     floor of the Barn]. The Barn is one of two focuses for Pendle Hill's community     activities. The basement led me to think of the early Christian catacombs. After  removing loose debris, we were going to try to remove with picks and shovels  the layers of accumulated dirt and cinders that encrusted the concrete floor.

    [Me]: Why are we doing this? [Leader]: Well, we need to clean out the  furnace room.

    We worked on, making very little progress on a job that increasingly  seem, in the grand scheme of things, futile and unnecessary. [Thoughts and     images went in strange directions]. What if all those years of encrusted      layers of debris were essential to keeping the structure above from     crumbling and collapsing?      What if we dug too deep?      How would it     be destructive to dig down through our own inner layers of the past and     remove what could be binding the life above us together? Some of that     "debris" may be necessary to maintain our inner stability. It is possible to dig too  deep and destroy what is essential. How do we know when to stop digging?  Those strange basement thoughts still keep working in my mind.

    Thomas Kelly writes: "[We can be] immersed in this world daily living ...  [and at the same time be] in active relation with Eternal Life." The poet Pablo     Neruda wrote numerous odes to ordinary objects. We can hallow the everyday  by being fully engaged and seeing where it takes us. Give your attention to one  specific activity or experience of your common, everyday life. What did you  do?      Who with?       Did you want to do it or not?      How did you have  something happen on another level or trigger memories during the  experience?

    COLLECTING—How did you collect some special thing as a child  (e.g. ceramic or wooden dogs)? What collections do we carry into adult-    hood? In the end, one small wooden Pomeranian came with me to remind me  of my 1st "collection." Now I collect books, music on CDs, English and Irish  scenes, travel experiences, and words in notebooks and journals.

    Elizabeth Vining calls her special moments, her minor ecstasies: "bits of  star dust ... Something seen, heard, felt, flashes upon one with a bright fresh-    ness, and the heart, tired, sick, sad, or merely indifferent, stirs and lifts in an-    swer, joy and wonder. Fragments of beauty and truth lie in every path; they      need only the seeing eye and receptive spirit to become the stuff of authentic      minor ecstasies. It cost but a notebook and the time it takes to jot down the few  words that bring them back to us when time has overlaid them in our minds with  dust, from everyday life. Writing them down, treasuring them ... makes us more  aware of them ... collection of minor ecstasies can be a source of joy that is  secret inviolable, inexhaustible."

    What and why do you collect what you do?      What does it mean  to you?      What does it add to your life? Be alert for some fleeting moment  that lifts you out of the everyday, that brings moments of joy and wonder.  Col-    lect these experiences in your journal.

               (MM) III. REVISITING OUR PAST—Revisiting it can be a valuable  piece of personal writing. You can wallow in bitterness & sorrow, or you can    gain understanding, really see it & gain a new perspective & [see how memory    has reshaped the past as the distance from it increases]. There is what actu-   ally happened and what meaning you and the years have put into it. Albert    Einstein writes: "Every reminiscence is colored by today being what it is, &  therefore by a deceptive point of view." 

            C.S. Lewis writes: "What you call remembering is the last part of the  pleasure; [a brief meeting] grows as we remember it. What it will be when I     remember it, what it makes in me all my days [since] then—that is the real     meeting." The [initial meeting] is only its beginning." We need to spend more     time in gratitude & less in blame. Only when we know what debt we owe to     parents, siblings, teachers, mentors, friends, & enemies can we give gifts an  effective place in our lives.

    Marcus Aurelius Antoninus, emperor of the declining Roman Empire in  the 2nd century, best exemplifies writing in and of gratitude. For several pages,  beginning with his grandfather & mother, he lists people from whom he has     learned important things & to whom he's grateful. Write your own list of grati-    tudes & the people responsible. Gratitude is one of the greatest psychological  gifts we can pick up along this personal writing path.

    FROM POLARITY TO PARADOX—What episodes have you found  in your remembrances that have a confusing mix of good & bad in them?      How much & what kind of good & bad? It is in the good/ bad tension in     experiences that growth comes. Polarity is more pressing and intense than am-   bivalence. Jung said that a person who could embrace both parts of a  pola-    rity & stay within that tension for as long as needful was doing the most neces-    sary work of the world. [Truth lies in both halves of a polarized truth], in the      realm of both/ and.

    It takes more than thinking and puzzling to come to terms with a para-    dox; it has to be lived. Paradox seems to say that I am supposed to laugh and  dance. For Paradox moves us to another dimension entirely, into a kind of     cosmic playfulness. Paradox says, Wisdom is justified by all her children. To     everyone who knocks, a unique door of perception opens. To all who ask, a true  answer is given. Paradox is not out to win [an argument]. It is essentially     humorous in its sudden juxtaposition of opposite and unlike things. It points     toward reconciliation and forgiveness and smiles to show they are not heavy,      laborious things we had thought.

    The greatest truths are couched in paradox; nothing else will transmit      the whole truth alive and free. The whole truth is not laid out in a straight line.     It is like a diamond with many facets, all of which point toward & help to create   the light shining out from its center." Try to move beyond the Either/ Or into     some form of Both/ And. Use statement, a story, an experience, a poem, even a  joke.

    (BP) THE WEATHER TURNED AROUND—[One morning I was pro-    ceeding through the mundane in life, with 3 journal pages & their frustrations &  questionable value, job concerns, gardening, walking again, party planning].     After that I fell down, broke leg & elbow & life completely changed. I spent a     week in assisted-living, & lived 2 months on the 1st floor of my house in a     hospital bed with a lot of help from friends & family. How quickly life changes.     Sometimes we live with small changes in the weather, sometimes with immense  ones. Explore a life-changing experience. What has it taught you? What has    it given you? If you are not ready yet to explore this life experience, be satis-   fied to simply write about where you are now.

            (MM) IV. DREAMS—Dreams were important to Marcus Aurelis & other  ancient writers. But they became a casualty of the Enlightenment Age, & only     recently have they acquired a kind of fringe-y acceptance through Jung, his     followers, & John Sanford. Almost certainly as we write, our sleep will begin to     flash with dreams. They are trying to tell us something; we need to learn how to  listen. We will soon find out how much they have to reveal of what is going on  deep down inside our thinking and feeling, well below consciousness. If we     catch the dream and write it down it will reveal its tone and affect. We can set     ourselves free from blind obedience to the mood that it has generated. A word  or two, noted down, can serve as a reminder for fuller attention later on.

    Big, unforgettable dreams are the ones that call for our full attention.  We are to befriend them and visit them from time to time and pay attention to     what they say. We are to work and play with them. Sometimes one vivid dream  will light up a whole area of the lost past or of unexplored new possibilities.     During the long period of convalescence mentioned earlier, I had a dream-   series about snakes. After I got past my Judeo-Christian snake-prejudices and    fears, there developed for me the classical image of the snake as healer. My    dreams led me in mind, heart, imagination into the attitudes I needed in order  to let my body heal itself.

    More recently I had another dream-series, which called for several dif-   ferent techniques, like Jung's Active Imagination technique, which involves    visiting the dream when awake and letting a free range of imagination take it    further. It was like a treasure hunt, and it sent me to classical dictionaries in    order to decipher its message. I had to unlearn old attitudes and learn new     ones, presented obliquely and by hints, calling upon me to follow them faithfully  into full insights. Go as deeply as you can into the dreams that speak especi-    ally to you. When visited by a big one, befriend it; use all your resources to  explore its full meaning.

           (BP) V. 5 W's & AN H—How many of our biggest questions are like Who  is God or I; What is God's will for my life;      What is my relationship to    divine order;      Where do I go from here; When will I find my direction;       Why am I here & suffering;      How do I know the Truth? It can be embar-     rassing to discover that the same questions are being asked over and over     again, or that we don't know the answer to "obvious" questions. We have     questions about identity, relationships, self-worth, work, love, hate. [Through-   out life & more often nearer its end we ask]:  How are we going to respond  to the inevitable & growing diminishment that is coming upon us? Re-       member your big questions; explore & write about those questions and the 

 times that triggered them.

    WHAT IS YOUR QUESTION TODAY—Dr. Brooker, my college chemi-    stry teacher, taught me valuable lessons about asking questions. We had the      choice between asking questions about the reading or having a quiz. Many     times he  would start class by going down the rows of students, asking each     one: "Do you have a question?" I was afraid of being the only one who didn't     understand, the only stupid one. I would ask a question, and he would happily     launch into an explanation and then his lecture for the day.

    Elfrida Vipont Foulds says: "Always the search for Truth begins with a  question ... inspired by curiosity, passionate protest, or discontent ... Great     scientific discoveries, great masterpieces of art, great philosophies have sprung  from such questions, and inspired more questions. Souls have been restless  with longing for the pearl of great price, the inner peace beyond all questioning."  Identify the most important questions in your life right now. [Not answers, just a  list of questions]. Choose one and live with it for a week, identifying and explo-    ring as many aspects of your question as you can uncover.

            (MM) STATEMENT OF POSITION—[Our lives are made of a tangled  ball of thoughts & feelings, which we occasionally take time to add a part of into  a neatly-wound ball of thoughts & feelings we have made sense of; both balls  exist at the same time]. Once in a while. one tangle will gather itself into a life-    crisis & come at us head-on. A Statement of Position is a great thing to make at  various mixed-up points in my life. Where do you stand in relation to this      mixed-up situation in your life? 

            Keep your thoughts firmly in the present—you aren't trying to find     solutions as yet; you are simply trying to see where you stand, & the path by     which you have come to that spot in your life. Write about this thing that     concerns you deeply, that you need to sort out in your life, that you need to    think about clearly & well. Imagine that a wise & understanding listener is    listening to you, seeking clarification, or downplaying an overemphasized    point—& in general sort this matter out.

    (BP) VI. MOMENTS OF BEING—There's a peril in being too high-    minded too early, or in fact being consciously high-minded at all. We need to  have learned about the rags and riches of our own human nature to take on the  so-called "spiritual" side of us, our spiritual experiences. We tend to think, too of  "spiritual experiences" as being something apart, something special, always     tremendous, magnificent, overwhelming. What if most spiritual experiences     are small—perhaps microscopically so—hardly noticeable, needing our  attention to magnify them to the point of awareness?

    The Order of St. Luke doesn't admit anyone who couldn't report a per-    sonal healing experience. Dr. Price's definition is: "Anyone who has ever cut a  finger and looked at it day after day, wondering at the marvelous process by     which it heals, has had such an experience. Some of the "Moments of Beings"  (i.e. moments of full, rich existence and full awareness) include: formerly     unnoticed reality taking on a presence; times of enhanced meaning beyond its  surface value; a reading speaking directly to you; overwhelming gratitude; es-    pecially vivid dream from somewhere beyond yourself; past Moments of Being    [When one comes to you, write about it].

            (BP & MM) VII. PUTTING IT ALL TOGETHER—Christina Baldwin  writes: "Journal writing has been around as long as writing itself ... Writing     connects us to a [millenium-long] chain of articulation about being human.     Writing taps us in ... to the veins of story & experience, some of which we    claim as ours alone, & all of which are universal." Journal & journey together    shapes a life & creates a world, a web of associations, memories and flashes    of insight, woven from experience and dreams, action, thought and feeling,    colored by happiness and sorrow. You are giving your life meaning, and  perhaps showing others how to find meaning in theirs.

            [For the sake of our inner life, there needs to be] a journal, a thoughtful  writing-down of happenings thoughts, dreams, nightmares, [any] claim to our     attention ... We need to write down our response to them, both immediate and     later thoughts. [It will help us sort through] our lifetime store of soul-furniture for  what to keep or discard. Through it we can watch what we do and find out who  we are. Mary Morrison.
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355. In Beauty: A Quaker Approach to End-of-Life Care (by Kirsten 

        Backstrom; 2001)

           About the Author—Kirsten Backstrom is a member of Multnomah MM in  Portland, OR & a volunteer at Hopewell House Hospice in Portland. She works  in physical care, spiritual care, and bereavement care. This pamphlet reflects  Kirsten's process of seeking the inter-connectedness of the different paths in  her own spiritual landscape: [one-on-one, heart-to-heart] working with the dy-   ing; Quaker community and worship; [close, personal, near-death encounter];  home and family. Where do these life paths come together? How does a  person "walk in beauty" throughout life and up to death?

            Dierdre—I didn't know Dierdre well. [I helped with her personal needs],  and we'd talk about small things, and the conversation was limited to courtesies  and practical exchanges of requests and responses. Dierdre was not looking for  any new intimacies at this point in her life; she preferred her solitude. When she  came to the last hours of her life, it became evident that she needed some-   thing from those around her. She was nearly unconscious; she moaned and     twisted about and attempted to lift her arms and head and to reach out. It     calmed her when someone sat nearby. I sat, looked around, trying to get a  better sense of who she was, and what might be meaningful to her now. She     was a delicate 48-year old woman dying of breast cancer.

            Even in my brief interactions with her I noticed that she was someone     who appreciated beauty. She seemed to be wrestling with something, dis-   tressed by something. [It became clear to me that I should say an old, tradi-   tional Navajo prayer about walking with and in beauty]. I watched as I spoke    the whole time to be sure that it was all right to continue. Her face became    intent, then relaxed. The silence, her fear, and fretfulness softened. It was as     if she could feel the beauty, and felt easier for it. She did not become restless     again. Deirdre died the next day, gently, in beauty. I sense that many uniquely     Quaker forms of faithfulness are essential in caring for others at the end of life,  and in exploring and learning from death and the prospect of our own mortality.

            Listening—In work with the dying, a listening presence is more impor-   tant than almost anything else that we can possibly have to offer each other.     With Deirdre, I quickly realized that the best way I could care for this particu-   lar woman was to leave her be, and let my listening attention take subtler forms   than conversation. I kept my own personality out of her way—and listened with    my hands, eyes and heart to the best of my ability. Deep listening [led me to    listen past] those first cues that said "don't get too close." 

            I tried to continue listening, within the limitations of privacy that she had  set. Although too many questions or too much touch would have been an     intrusion, a prayer was not an intrusion. It was clear to me, as I listened, that     Deirdre's sense of privacy was different from mine, & that a prayer with beauty  in it might have meaning for her. It seemed that the prayer was spoken through  me rather than from me. I tried to allow her to call what she needed out of me,  and bring it through me as instrument rather than music. I tried to listen the  whole time so as to not "outrun my guide."
           Perfection—I use the word perfection guardedly, since its modern asso-    ciations are largely negative & sterile. Early Friends had a different understan-    ding of "perfection" that is closer to what we might call wholeness. I have seen  that those who are dying reach toward a subtler kind of perfection, a whole-    ness, a fullness of life that is wonderful to witness as it comes to its culmi-    nation in death. Sometimes, coming to wholeness cannot be clearly compre-    hended, because the conscious mind is in the midst of letting go of itself and     moving on to something unknown. The spirit also struggles in many intricate     ways in relation to its self, others, the whole of life, [the present part], and the  unknown possibilities [of the next part]. 

            I believe and have seen that people find ways to complete or perfect     their lives up to the moment of death; wonderful coincidences or synchro-    nicities.  Family members come together in unexpected ways, and offer the    right insights at just the right time; a friend or stranger is there when they are    needed. I've had the awesome feeling of being used by the process itself, as    a single woven strand into a fabric whose pattern extends far beyond me. The    prayer I spoke had to do with something in the circumstances and the spirit of  the moment, and  with the wholeness of her life. 

            I have no "proof" that whatever occurred was right or significant for that  person. Yet, in a few cases, there have been direct and obvious responses that  have affirmed that something meaningful was happening. My intuitive sense will  also tell me when I have become a disruption to the flow rather than a follower  of it; [deep listening is the only way to avoid this]. Death brings immediacy and  serves to remind me to pay attention, open up, to be as fully present to this  moment as it is possible to be.
           Humility—In these days when the trend is toward affirming self-esteem     and assertiveness rather than humility, Friends seem to have a better-than     average sense of the importance of being humble. Because it is the nature of     our worship to turn inward, we encounter the beauties and weaknesses inside     of us. [That makes it difficult (though not impossible) to delude ourselves about  our motivations & mistakes, [especially] in working with people who are dying. I  have occasionally noticed that a tiny part of me may be hoping someone sees  me and notices how good I am at this. And analyzing and judging this beha-    vior of mine means not attending to the other person I share this experience  with.   I want to be here, sitting with this person; some of my reasons I fully     understand, some I don't.
           Small mistakes, just like small acts of kindness can become very signifi-    cant when they occur in the last days of a person's life, but only if that person    had reasons within themselves that allowed those things to be meaningful.    [What I do, mistake or gesture of love], could be powerfully significant, or of    little or no importance. Humility means being a bit player in someone else's    play. My presence in my bit part may be of great value. The important thing is    the simple presence of a person sharing with another person, [whether it be]    humble service or deep communion. How do I know that my work is impor-    tant? [Inner answer]: You are not important, little one, but you are precious.     As givers and receivers of care, we may simply need to be gentle with     ourselves, let our self-importance slide, and  remember we are precious.

            Libby—Libby was close to my age, 38 or 39, & was paralyzed from the  chest down. Cervical Cancer had metastasized to her lung; one lung was gone,  the other failing. She looked like a healthy young woman: pink-cheeked, slightly  plump, with silky, strawberry-blond hair, a sweet, warm smile, & clear, intelligent  eyes. I could easily imagine being friends under different circumstances. But the  cues for our interaction needed to come from her, not from me. One day we     talked for almost 3 hours; she introduced the subject of dying. At times I got     caught up in our conversation & forgot to watch closely for her cues. She said:  "I'm really scared of dying. I'm scared of the suffering." [I unwisely offered the  "expert" opinion that] "you've already been through the worst." I looked at her   again, and realized clearly that although that was true for most people it would  not be true for her.
           "Letting go" was the experience that she personally found most difficult &  painful & terrible, the worst thing she could imagine. In the weeks that followed,  dying got steadily harder. Finally, when she was just too disoriented & anxious    & hurting to stand it any more, she asked to be sedated completely, & died    within a few days. Even if she had been a close friend I couldn't have fully    understood what the struggling meant. I believe, ultimately, each of us dies in    a way that "completes" the life that we have lived. For some it means dying     peacefully; for others it means struggling desperately. I trust that for Libby,    wherever she is now, death is not fearful for her.

             Direct Experience/ Simplicity—In work with the dying, the holy, awe-    inspiring, & profoundly mysterious is present in the most commonplace situa-    tions. The Light is known experientially, through ordinary gestures, routines,     memories, interactions, sensations, strands woven together into a rich, com-    plex, breathtakingly beautiful pattern. Looking to the Inward Teacher & our    experience may serve us well when it comes time to die. In the Light of life's     approaching end, things like ambition, image, roles, possessions, plans &     opinions become pointless, while immediate & ordinary experience becomes    profound. Besides grief & despair, it can be a source of wonder & delight, an     opportunity to experience the moment without preconceptions, & to find God  close by.

           In the dying person, activities, explanations, complications are all  brought down to the basic fact of immediate & deeply meaningful experience: a  dying man delighting in an upside-down squirrel; a 90-year-old woman takes up  watching baseball; a former nurse instructs a volunteer how to wash around her  catheter. A dying man takes his last breaths, with long pauses. On the last     breath, the pause becomes all there is. His daughter is present, holding his still  warm hand, feeling the change as it happens to the empty body. The stillness.  Silence.
            Integrity—Are our actions consistent with our ideals? Are we at-   tentive to "that of God" in ourselves & others?      Are we open to new     Light in unlikely places?      Do we know what is truly meaningful in our     lives & give our time & emotional resources to it? My success at integrity is  limited by my own unconsidered impulses & unacknowledged assumptions.     Knowing that they exist doesn't necessarily help me to learn from them &     change behavior. In working with the dying, instead of thinking the above que-    ries, I find myself naturally & immediately praying these questions. [Early on in]  hospice volunteering, I found myself praying I could be of use. The prayers     were a simple matter of intent; the results weren't to be measured by my  assessment of myself.

           Within a few moments of meeting a patient, my clumsiness and tender-    ness became beside the point; I was merely following "that of God" in the mo-    ment, and it was the most natural thing to set myself aside. You do what you     need to do, as respectfully and gently as possible; you figure it out as you go     along. [It ended up being] a pleasure to get through this hard experience with     them, making it as easy for them as it could be while acknowledging that it     wasn't easy. The whole, simple point of hospice work is to ease a challenging     and frequently awful situation; to find and share the essential humanness of  dying.
           I once washed nice underclothes of a woman very near death in her sink  to relieve her concern about using the laundry service. That gave her just the     slightest bit more sense of dignity, & relieved her worries at least for the mo-    ment. I am writing about what is very common in hospice care, for volunteers,     family members, friends, nurses, and staff. When the priority is on caring for    others in small ways as they prepare for death, integrity can come much more    easily and naturally than in everyday life. Our intentions and our actions seem  to be in synch.

           Community—The short answer to why I wanted to be involved in hos-    pice is that I was very sick myself some years ago, and that I know what it is    like to need this kind of care. Sometimes it is useful for someone to hear that    I've been as vulnerable as they are now; it is easier for them to trust me and    allow me to help. I think it is [most] accurate to say that my experience of life-   threatening illness taught me how vitally important small things can be. They  may only be noticeable when one is helplessly vulnerable, suffering or near  death. 

            When I was ill, shared experience with others [made me feel a] part of     the human community, at the deepest level. It was very important to have     someone meet my eyes when they spoke to me, call and say hello, or simply sit  in silence nearby so that I could feel their presence. [Every moment was mea-    ningful], and I wanted more than anything just to share those moments with     others. This isn't how all, or even many, people feel most of the time when they  are very ill. The potential for glimpses of the richness of simple human inter-   connectedness is high at times of illness and especially at the end of life when  all other distractions are falling away.

            Harmony—The Navajo word for "beauty" actually has a more complex     & nuanced meaning than the English word can convey. "Harmony" or "beauty"  as the Navajo see it must also take into account the ultimate relatedness of all     things. Just below the surface ugliness, suffering & struggle, there is harmony   —a true beauty that reflects something beyond the immediate circumstances    of death; [there is perhaps] a "walking in beauty" together. 

            After a Friends' memorial service, an elderly Friend reminded us to  acknowledge dying & death along with life; he was reminding us that "that of     God" was present not only in the active life of this individual in the world, but     also in her essential, stripped-down presence as she died. Her subtle but     significant & still precious presence was still there within each of us after she  had died. Together, we made a kind of harmony with that presence. 
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356. Testimony: John Woolman on Today's Global Economy (by 

        David Morse; 2001)

           About the Author—David Morse is a writer & sometimes carpenter who
lives in CT; he is a member of Storrs Friends Meeting. He has written essays &
articles for diverse magazines and Quaker publications. He wrote the novel The
Iron Bridge, about a Quaker's contribution to building the first iron bridge at Se-
vern Gorge in the 1770's. New England Yearly Meeting's Committee on Preju-
dice and Poverty sponsored an earlier version of this essay, entitled John Wool-
man and the Global Economy, available from FGC.
            [Introduction]—How would John Woolman respond to today's glo-
balized economy? How would we respond to the issue of slavery in Wool-
man's 18th century world? John Woolman was an American Quaker born in 
1720.  He left the family farm to work for a shopkeeper. Woolman agonized 
over [his employer's directive that he] write a bill of sale [for the selling of a 
Negro woman]. He rationalized & wrote the bill of sale, but remained troubled. 
By putting his faith above his material comfort, he was led from one step to the 
next along a path that was as logical as it was intuitive. According to his jour-
nal, he confronted individuals directly—friends & associates, slaveholders &
sea captains—in a spirit of contrition & from love rooted in his faith in God.
            Woolman used all the power of written ministry to evoke empathy
among Friends for the plight of kidnapped Africans, to "sympathize with the
Negroes in all their afflictions & miseries as we do with our children or friends
... [To] willingly join with unrighteousness to the injury of men [from a] thou-
sand miles off is the same in substance as joining with it to the injury of our
neighbors." [He argued with slaveholders who used scriptural arguments; he
quoted scripture of his own, & later wrote, "men are wont to take hold of weak
arguments to support a cause which is unreasonable." He ventured into hostile
Indian territory to seek peace, and refused to pay taxes levied to support the
French and Indian War, even though "our society generally paid, [which was]
disagreeable. But to do a thing contrary to my conscience appeared more
dreadful." 
            Woolman's testimony extended to Friends acquiring unnecessary
wealth. A person seeking such wealth was likely to work too hard, or drive
others [to do the same]. Underlying these choices were sometimes dreams or
visions, but also a keen observation of economics & a sense of order. He saw
colonial economy as slavery-based, with exploitation & oppression that went
beyond Negroes to include lower classes, Indians, even work animals. In all
this he saw that he was complicit; he focused on his own heart and actions
before preaching to others about systemic evil. In order to reduce his complicity, 
he left shopkeeping & took up the trade of tailor.
            For [all] his uniqueness, for [all] the moments in which he stood alone in
confrontations, Woolman was part of a group of radical Quakers who supported
each other in belief—a movement including Anthony Benezet, Joshua Evans,
John Churchman, Daniel Stanton, Israel & John Pemberton, & others. Philip L.
Boroughs writes: "While they clearly critiqued the practice & values of their co-
religionists, they did so within the appropriate structures & procedures of their
faith community."
            Woolman was Clerk of Burlington Quarterly Meeting of Ministers &
Elders for several years. In England, 1772, he made the case that slavery was a
global issue. London Yearly Meeting then approved an Epistle that encouraged
Friends in the colonies to oppose the "unnatural bondage" of slavery. [He sought
to not be complicit with the widespread oppression & exploitation he encoun-
tered on his way to England, and during his time in England]. His personal,
moral choices touched the lives of the people around him.
             [Compelling Conditions & Queries of Our Day]—Would I have the
courage & the moral imagination to make choices [similar to Woolman's]?
Conditions of slavery or near-slavery still exist in Nepal, Senegal, Ecuador, 
Chile, El Salvador, even in the US. We in the wealthier parts of the world pur-
chase [what is produced under these conditions] without necessarily knowing 
their true cost. How do I recognize my complicity [in substandard work 
and living conditions worldwide], and make my actions consonant with 
my beliefs? 
            One of the concerns people of goodwill have is: Doesn't the globaliza-
tion process bring at least some small improvement to desperately poor
people in less developed countries?       [How do we reconcile the need
for technological development with the needs for environment preserva-
tion, economic & social justice]?       [How do we react to positive changes
in the Asian poor's wages, resulting from a flood of cheap Asian goods,
and resulting in lower hourly wages for western factory workers and a
necessary adjustment toward global equity?
           What effect will globalization have on international competition and
on building a structure for peace? How is some structure like the World
Trade Organization (WTO) necessary or not necessary to govern globaliza-
tion? The solution to governing globalization is to replace WTO, World Bank,
& International Monetary Fund (IMF) with more democratic structures that
respect human rights & the environment.
           [Global Trade; Transnational Corporations; Capital Mobility]—Global
Trade must be governed somehow, to ensure some degree of social equity & to
curb its destructive tendencies. Much of the damage is "done at great distance
and by other hands" (Woolman). Transnational corporations' power & mobility
exceeds the power of governments to regulate them in terms of labor relations,
the environment, paying taxes, and fair prices to subcontractors; unfair prices
lead to exploitation of work forces.
            [Capital mobility is such that speculative foreign exchange] amounts to
more than a trillion dollars a day. This, and bad advice from the IMF, accelera-
ted the Southeast Asian economy's collapse a few years ago. This also fos-
tered crime cartels & money laundering, a dark side of globalization. The gulf
between rich & poor grows ever wider. The assets of the 3 richest people were
more than the combined GNP of the 48 least developed countries (600 million
people). [The fast pace and size of the economy is compounded by runaway
technology, [which leads to] runaway capitalism.
            [The situation] challenges the capacity of religious & other value-based
organizations to respond in a timely manner. How should the earth's scarce
resources be allocated?      How do we as a species decide these issues?
[How should a truly representative international organization codify] the
protection of local economies and the biosphere, and promotion of global
peace based on economic justice? The process and the institutions created
should operate transparently & in the spirit of the International Declaration of
Human Rights.
            The Seattle WTO meeting in 1999 collapsed, partly because the power-
ful industrial powers strove to launch new initiatives without correcting exis-
ting destructive imbalances. [The operations performed by the international
bureaucracies comprised of the WTO, the IMF, and the World Bank, and the
terms of treaties like NAFTA and FTAA, are skewed heavily in favor of
powerful corporations. Deregulated and privatized globalization has brought
chaos and loss of farms to rural people], and reintroduced to cities and facto-
ries a return to barbaric labor conditions, and for Mexican workers, a drop in
real wages to 1980 levels.
            [Shortcomings of the New Global System]—[Worldwide there have
been fires] taking place regularly in Asian factories caused by unsafe condi-
tions. The 1993 fire outside of Bangkok officially killed 188; more were likely inci-
nerated. [There was relatively little news coverage, international cooperation, or
investigating the cause of these fires. [How do we be aware of the exploitation
of distant workers scarcely older than the children they make toys for, and
avoid it]?
            John Woolman today would observe companies exploiting the cheapest
labor available, jumping from [one hemisphere] to the next at the drop of a hat,
to wherever the work-force is most helpless, and the government officials [are
most buyable]. Woolman would pay little credence to the argument these people
need any job they can get; [he heard about improving the wretched lives of free
Negroes, by giving them "better lives" here as slaves]. Observing the degrada-
tion not only of workers, but also of consumers, he would see it as a systemic
evil that degrades the human spirit. John Woolman's gift is to see that current
global conditions depend on our complicity, that we can live without it, that we
are not captive—and then to take that 1st small step of refusal.
            We are invited to sit blindfolded within the [status quo] box, to feel over-
whelmed by the world's complexity, to experience choiceless-ness before the
glut of information & goods. How can we restore our field of moral choice?
[Media decides what is "newsworthy" & marginalizes us, driving us] out of the
citizen role & into the empty consumer role. What is new now is [the pervasive-
ness of media & its ownership being] concentrated in a few corporate hands. In
Seattle 1999, the pro-WTO media exaggerated the violence that occurred within
overwhelmingly peaceable demonstrations, which was used to justify a milita-
rized police response.
            We can't look to commercial media for intelligence, let alone wisdom.
We aren't being helped to understand that all the issues with cities, weather,
environment, diseases, poverty, lower wages as profits soar —are part of the
global process. Americans remain largely in the dark on the matter of geneti-
cally modified (GM) food, [due to the effort of Monsanto & others to keep GM
off the list of regulated commodities]. American citizens are more docile than
citizens in England, France, & India in resisting GM. Besides that, our children
[& ourselves] are being branded by multi-million dollar ad campaigns, our
dreams commodified. Individually, we make decisions to buy foreign commo-
dities. Most often we are left to choose in ignorance. How can we know how
workers and the environment is being treated in the production of a parti-
cular commodity?
            The WTO makes its rulings purely on the basis of trade, with no conside-
ration for environmental, human values, or cultural differences; all these can be
categorized as "non-tariff restraint of trade" and lead to heavy penalties. It is
hard to imagine a system better designed to roll back hard-won gains achieved
by environmentalists and human rights advocates over the past 30 years. How
would John Woolman respond to the ferocity of the attack on ordinary peo-
ple's efforts to live ethically?     What are the obstacles to our responding 
with the same clarity of spirit that informed Woolman & his cohorts?   In
April 2000, Bolivians resisted the privatization of water supplies, as dictated by
the World Bank and the IMF; a violent crackdown resulted in several deaths. The
news scarcely surfaced in the US media.
            When we are systematically denied a basis for making moral choices,
we are forced to make amoral choices. Knowledge of our complicity in turn
reinforces our apathy, & thus we deny ourselves the possibility of moral choice.
The great challenge to a prophetic, spirit-led ministry like Woolman's is to keep
the human scale. It would involve intellectual confrontation, as well as networ-
king. We can see signs of movement within various religious denominations,
broad-based coalitions, and in secular non-governmental organizations.
            The Britain Yearly Meeting adopted a 1997 minute which stated [in part]:
It can't be right to leave the world poorer than we found it in beauty or in the
rich diversity of life forms. Nor to consume recklessly ... [knowing] our actions
carry the likelihood of future tragedies ... We need to dedicate ourselves to kee-
ping alive an alternative vision of a society: centered on meeting real human
needs ... [not desires]; where inequalities of wealth and power are small enough
... [to allow] equality of esteem; which is mindful ... of future generations and
is sustainable; and a society which is content with sufficiency rather than ...
excess. Jonathan Dale says, "We must recover, against the spirit of the times,
something of the original sense of testimony and the testimonies, [which] form
unbreakable bonds between spiritual insight and social action."
            A living testimony is founded, as Woolman's was, on lifestyle choices.
The example has a way of rippling outward, until they find shape in a corporate
testimony. We should free ourselves [from John Woolman's 18th century image
to look for today's Woolmans among the unsung heroes & heroines practicing
non-violent civil disobedience in resisting powerful private corporations. What
should remain constant is honesty & love like Woolman's in confronting others,
in whom he recognized the presence of God.
            [Utilizing Inspirational Models]—How do we draw strength from
those who inspire us? When we speak of someone like Martin Luther King,
we are often talking about a collective figure, which includes the efforts of other
civil rights leaders that have been subsumed under the MLK mantle. We are
also talking about a person who walked among us. How do I dare to aspire to
MLK's depth of conviction?     How do I overcome assumptions of being
less capable than MLK & settling for lesser goals & passion?
            Quakers are especially prone to false humility. Our collectivism, lack of
hierarchy, & consensus is a radical gift to a competitive, hierarchical society
based on tyranny of the majority. American Quakers perform good acts, indivi-
dually & collectively. We are also capable of procrastination, [subduing bold,
energetic, leading spirits], and moral cowardice, [towards others & within our-
selves]. [I have told myself contradictory excuses why I can't act]. How do I
bring change within my own heart?
            The realization that John Woolman is in some respects a composite,
reflecting the courage and support of other dedicated but lesser known indivi-
duals, is nothing less than exhilarating. I have to make space for spiritual dis-
covery.  Actions follow.  Small steps lead to larger ones.  Faith will have to be
individuals and small groups, as it always has, if it is to survive as a vital force
among us.
            It helps if we think of ourselves as [participants] in a larger prophetic
voice. "The times are ripe for further work" [Woolman]. Quaker process is by
its nature slow. But let's not diminish ourselves or it by thinking of ourselves
as plodders. Let our silence be full. When it is time to act, collectively or indi-
vidually, let us act [in the spirit and example of John Woolman].
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357. A Plea for the Poor by John Woolman (PH publications
        committee; 2001)

            About this Pamphlet—Under the weight of a religious concern for social 

justice, this committee offers this reprint of John Woolman's A Plea for the Poor 

(1793) for its relevance to the effects of poverty today.  He relates poverty to 

wasteful consumption, brings the rich & powerful to account, and calls for sim-

plicity as a style of life. (See also PHP #356 by David Morse, Testimony: John 

Woolman on Today's Global Economy). [Summary Editor's Note: I found Wool-

man's choice of phrases, words, & word order to be an obstacle in getting to his

meaning. I have paraphrased extensively, sacrificing some of the tone of his wri-

ting to better present its meaning].
            Introduction [excerpted from Phillips P. Moulton, ed., The Journal 

and Major Essays of John Woolman; Friends United Press, 2000]—Born in 

1720, Woolman grew up in Burlington County, New Jersey, near Philadelphia; 

his family was neither wealthy nor poor. He had formal education for 10 years, 

and continued a life-long process of self-education. As he set up shop for him-

self, his sales grew and he began to prosper.
            His success was disturbing to Woolman; his involvement in business 

threatened the life-balance he had set for himself. He cut back on trade & later 

gave up retailing to do tailoring, which he could control more readily. He also 

did: surveying; drawing up documents; teaching; orchard tending. When a Qua-

ker meeting agreed that a member's witness was edifying, it could acknowledge 

one's special gift by making a record in the official minutes. At 23, Woolman 

went on his 1st of about 30 missionary journeys over the next & last 29 years of

his life. Woolman is one of the most notable of hundreds of itinerant Quaker 

ministers. Woolman's economic views have inspired many to live simply & with-

out luxury; his criticisms have given support to radical reformers.
            A large excerpt from A Plea for the Poor was printed in 1897; its 2nd prin-

ting was 10,000 copies. In the 20th century, Quaker Social Order Committees 

dealt with economic issues & frequently quoted Woolman's contention that the 

"seeds of war" take root in an unjust social order. Reginald Reynolds wrote: 

"Woolman didn't try to stir up feeling against those with power or possession, 

but endeavored to arouse the feeling of those very people & to quicken their con-

sciences ... He took upon himself the burden of society's guilt." This work will be

relevant for those in any age who strive for social justice. 

I

             A Plea for the Poor or A Word of Remembrance and Caution to the 

Rich: Chapter 1—Large possessions in the hands of selfish men means too 

few people are employed in things useful. Some of these few, as well as land 

tenants, have to labor too hard, while others want jobs to earn their bread. The 

oxen & horses of these hard-workers are often worked too hard. So much of 

their money goes to rent or interest that they haven't enough to hire the help 

they need.  The money which the wealthy receive from the poor, who work har-

der than they should have to in raising it is paid to other poor for unnecessary 

things. 

            Men with much, who are charitable, pay attention to their poor tenants. 

They regulate their demands agreeable to universal love, rather than what laws 

& customs allow them to take.  The good they do isn't seen by them as doing 

the poor a favor. Their goodness tends to open the channel to moderate labor in 

useful affairs & to discourage business which isn't based on true wisdom. To 

work in virtuous things is what best suits an honest man. Using money without 

pride and vanity remains open to those who sympathize with the hard-working 

poor.
            Chapters 2-4—Earth's Creator is owner of it. We are accountable to our

creation's [system]. Having enough seems so natural that no one may justly de-

prive us of it. By our ancestors' agreements, & by our actions & processes, some 

claim more than others.  It is fair when possessions are faithfully improved for 

the good of all. 

            If one seeks self-promotion and works animals too hard, & if with one's

profit one employs people to have luxuries, one acts contrary to the gracious 

design of the Earth's True Owner; such conduct can't be justified. Following 

pure wisdom's directions is required of all. Laws & customs are unrighteous. If

following them requires more toil and time spent on business than pure love 

calls for, we violate the tenants' rights as fellow-tenants of God's world.  If the 

right use of things was sought instead of unneeded things & satisfying pride, 

people might work more moderately to provide useful things, and might have 

leisure time for affairs of civil society.
            Too much or too little business is tiresome; a right portion is healthful to

body & mind. Wealthy men hold great estates in a place of trust. For them to 

live in an affluent fashion, & at the same time use things as our Redeemer, his 

example, & the early church's example prescribes, requires close attention to 

divine love. This includes relief of those needing charity. As our Creator influen-

ces our minds, we become interested in lessening the distress of the afflicted & 

increasing happiness.
            We seek to turn our treasures into channels of universal love. Wealthy 

men seeking this find a field for humble meditation and an obligation to be kind 

and tender-hearted.  Poor released from too much labor and expense can hire 

others to assist, care for their animals and have a healthy social life. When these 

poor reflect on the good conduct of their wealthy man, that he does not oppress 

them,  they sense a brotherhood. The goodness of his conduct tends to spread 

benevolence in the world.
            Our blessed Redeemer directs us to [The Golden Rule]. Those living on 

the labor of others, who have never done hard labor are in danger of not knowing

what they would want if they did hard labor and paid rents. Such need to take 

every opportunity of being acquainted with the hardships and fatigues of those 

who labor & to ask: [How] am I influenced with true charity in fixing all my

demands?      How do I have any desire to support myself in the same ex-

pensive customs as my neighbors?      Before I increase labor, rents, or in-

terest, [how] could I name and dispense with some costly articles of mine 

that are not useful, and lessen my expenses and their burden?  

            If a wealthy man in good conscience finds such articles and expenses, 

and if in putting himself in his laborers place finds that he would want them dis-

continued he would find "Do thou even so to them" compelling. Divine love im-

poseth no rigorous or unreasonable commands. It points to the spirit of brother-

hood and way to happiness, and away from all that is selfish. 

1

          Chapter Five—One who has been a stranger amongst unkind people or 

under their government who were hard-hearted knows how it feels to be a stran-

ger. A person who hath never felt the weight of misapplied power comes to this 

knowledge only by an inward tenderness. When this laborer considers that this 

great toil & fatigue is laid on him to support something which has nothing to do 

with wisdom, there will be an uneasiness in his mind.  When he sees this man 

gratifying a wrong desire, conforming to wrong customs, and increasing labors 

to an extreme, he will think himself unkindly used. We might after careful con-

sideration sense an innocent person's condition.  Those who must labor exces-

sively understand the passage about "knowing the heart of a stranger."
            Many who know not the stranger's heart indulge themselves in ways 

which cause more labor than Infinite Goodness intends for man. Were they to 

change places with those who labor, they would have a way to know the stran-

ger's heart. Restored to their former estate, I believe many of them would em-

brace a way of life less expensive and lighten the burdens of those who labor 

out of their sight. If we consider those same laborers, and that much less than 

we demand would supply us with all things really needful, what heart will not

relent.
            Chapter Six—If there were more men usefully employed and fewer 

eating bread as a reward for useless labor, food and raiment would be more in 

proportion.  In following sound wisdom, small portion of daily labor might suf-

fice to keep a proper stream gently flowing through society. This labor can be

divided and done in the most efficient parts of the day. What 4 men can do in 8

hours, 5 men could do in 6 2/5 hours. People wouldn't have that plea for using

strong liquors which they now have.
            Many thousand hogheads of this liquor can't be drank without having a

strong effect on manners, and rendering their minds less apt to receive the pure

Truth. When people drink not only for refreshment from past labors, but to sup-

port them to go on without proper rest, it prevents the calm thought that allows 

one to apply their hearts to true wisdom. Spirits scattered by too much labor in 

the heat & revived by strong drink are unfit for divine meditation.

            I am moved to express a heart-concern about a more quiet, calm, and

happy way for us to walk in; I found it through divine goodness.  Every degree

of luxury, every money demand inconsistent with divine order, hath a connec-

tion with unnecessary labor. A man quite drunk has a mind in which God can't 

be acceptably worshiped. Over a long period, use of drink without being very 

drunk affects the mind the same way to a lesser degree; long continuance hurts

both mind and body. 
            Many who show some regard for piety still collect wealth which in-

creaseth labor beyond the bounds fixed by divine wisdom. I hope that they will

take heed, lest by exacting too much unrighteous labor, they promote in conduct

what they speak against in words. To treasure up wealth for another generation 

through immoderate labor is doing evil at present. To labor too hard or cause 

others to do so, conforming to customs contradicted by Christ the Redeemer &

divine order, is to manure the soil for propagating an evil seed.
            Serious consideration of these things will deeply affect some. They will 

be directed in the right use of things, & will bear patiently the reproaches of not

following custom and thus standing out. The more a person appears to be virtu-

ous and heavenly-minded while still conforming a little , the more powerfully 

does his conformity operate in in favor of evil-doers.  We must beware lest by 

our example we lead others to wrong.

2

          Chapter Seven—If by our wealth as an inheritance we make our children

great without knowing that we couldn't bestow it better, & thus give them power

to deal with others more virtuous than they, it would be no better than if we had 

given the inheritance to others to oppress ours. If a man had much good land, & 

discovers that ½ his estate belongs to orphans, this might cause him to consider 

whether he had interests different from the orphans'. If we believed that after our 

death our estates would go equally between our children and poor children, it 

would likely give us uneasiness.
           That uneasiness would seem inconsistent with divine love, and there 

would be need to attend to the influence of God's Spirit, to be redeemed from all

selfishness. In our future state of being there would be no way of taking delight 

in anything contrary to universal love. Grasping after wealth & power for our 

favorites adds greatly to the poor's burdens and increaseth the evil of covetous-

ness in this age. How vain & weak a thing it is to give wealth & power to such 

who are unlikely to apply it to general good when we are gone. 
            As Christians, all we possess are the gifts of God. If we, as stewards of 

those gifts bestow them lavishly on some to the injury of others, & damage the 

Giver, we are unworthy stewards. The true source of happiness in one's life and 

the life to come, is being inwardly united to the fountain of universal love. We 

may make a selfish settlement of our inheritance. When it is too late to make an

alteration, a sincere repentance for all things done with a will outside of univer-

sal love must precede attaining to the purified state which our Redeemer prayed

to his Father we might have. In our purified state, our determinations in favor of

those we have loved selfishly won't give us pleasure. If after selfish settlements 

our wills continue to stand in opposition to the fountain of universal light and 

love, there will be an impassable gulf between the soul and true happiness.
            Chapter Eight—To maintain awareness of divine love, & remained dis-

entangled from the power of darkness is the great business of one's life. Collec-

ting riches, coveting all manner of luxuries belongs not to the children of the 

Light. God is now as attentive to the necessities of God's people as ever.  We 

endeavor not to exempt some from those cares which necessarily relate to labo-

ring in this life, or give them power to oppress others. We desire that they all be 

the Lord's children and live in that humility and order becoming Christ's family.
            A person desiring wealth for its power and distinction may be called a 

rich man, whose mind is moved by a picture of life different from the Father's 

drawings. He can't be united with the heavenly society until he is delivered from

this contrary picture. Rich men must cease from that spirit which craves riches, 

and be reduced into another disposition before he inherits the kingdom.  The rich

youth was told to sell all he had. 

            It may not be the duty on every one to commit at once their substance to 

other hands.  However much they are entrusted with goods, they may not con-

form to sumptuous or luxurious living. If possessing great treasures had been 

enough to make a fine show in the world, Christ our Lord wouldn't have lived in

so much plainness. The fair amount we possess is a gift from God to us. By the 

Son all things were created, so he is truly the richest of all. His depth of know-

ledge surpasses ours. The title of Lord he owned; no one is more deserving of it. 

In riches, wisdom, and greatness there was none on earth equal to him, yet he 

lived in perfect plainness and simplicity.

3

            Chapter Nine—When seen clearly, the selfish spirit within is the grea-

test of all tyrants.  Compared to it, the worst of Roman emperors are short-lived,

limited tyrants of small consequence.  If we consider various oppressions and 

wars, we remember that selfishness hath been the cause of them all. We realize 

that the powerful, selfish spirits not only afflict others, but are afflicted them-

selves and have no real quietness in this life or the next. Consider the havoc that

is made in this age, & how people rush to collect treasures & pervert the true use

of things.  Consider  employed in preparing the materials of war, & armies set 

apart for protecting territories. Consider farmers and other laborers, who must 

exert too much labor to support themselves, armies, and owners of the soil.  

Some fetch men from distant parts of the world to be slaves in various industries.

            Amidst all this confusion, sorrow and distress, how can we remember 

the Prince of Peace, that we are his humble, plain disciples, and remember 

to have no fellowship with those inventions which men in the fallen wis-

dom have sought out?      How can we behold the prevalance of idolatry in 

the selfishness of this age, and be jealous over ourselves lest we unwarily 

join in it? Even the seemingly harmless act of casting incense was refused at 

fatal cost by martyrs, because it signified approval of idolatry. We can't do any-

thing which is in the nature of offering incense to an idol.  A small degree of 

compliance to that which is wrong is very dangerous.
            Chapter Ten—Those who refuse to join in wars, & who are redeemed 

from loving the world & possess nothing in a selfish spirit are preserved by 

God in resignedness, even in chaotic times.  As they possess only basic things 

that pertain to family, anxious thoughts of wealth or dominion hath little or 

nothing to work with. They learn contentment in being disposed of according 

to God's will; God causeth all things to work for their good. 
            The spirit that loves riches works, gathers wealth & indulges in self-

pleasing.  That spirit seeks help from a power which seeks separation from 

divine love & defends its treasures. A desire to attain wealth is the beginning. 

Wealth is attended with power to bargain & proceed contrary to righteousness. 

Oppression clothes itself with the name of justice & becomes a seed of discord. 

The seed of war grows & becomes strong; much fruits are ripened. How do we

look upon our treasures, the furniture of our houses & our garments ... & 

try whether the seeds of war have nourishment in our possession? Holding

treasures in a self-pleasing spirit is a strong plant; the fruit ripens fast. Leave 

everything which our Lord Jesus [wouldn't] own.  Think not his pattern too 

plain or coarse for you. Let us walk as he walked.
            Chapter Eleven—The estate we hold is under God as God's gift. It is 

our duty to act consistent with the designs of our benefactor. This gift is condi-

tional; God is the true proprietor.  Where divine love takes place in the hearts 

of any people, and they steadily act on a principle of universal righteousness, 

there the true intent of the Law is fulfilled, though their outward ways are dif-

ferent. Where men are possessed by that spirit which says their wealth was 

gained by their own strength, here they deviate from the divine law. They do 

not account their possession's as strictly God's, nor are the weak and poor 

entitled to as much of the increase thereof. 
            Instead they indulge their desires in conforming to worldly pomp. As 

they accumulate, as the poor are thereby straitened, they stand distinguished 

from universal love. As far as they stand from love, so far prophetic woe will 

accompany their proceedings. As the Creator was the true proprietor of it so 

he remains. His right to give it is as good as at the first. Any who misapply the

increase of their possessions contrary to universal love, or are oppressive in 

disposal of land, are chargeable with usurpation.

4

           

            Chapter Twelve—If we compare the 1st inhabitants of North America,

the natives would bear a small proportion to the others.  As overcrowded Bri-

tains came over, the natives generally treated them kindly, where settlement was 

made peaceably. Those ancient possessors of the country are yet owners & in-

habiters of the land adjoining to us. Their way of life, requiring much room, hath

been transmitted to them from their predecessors through custom of a great 

many ages. 
           Given this, we may see the need of cultivating lands already given by 

them and to accommodate the greatest number it is capable of, before we plead 

the equity of assigning to us more of their lands, & living in less room than they 

are accustomed to. If we applied the labor & expense of importing and exporting

in order to gain luxuries to husbandry & useful trades, a much greater number of

people might live well on the lands already granted us by the lands' ancient pos-

sessors. I believe God will make some of us useful amongst them, in publishing 

the gospel & in promoting the advantages of replenishing the earth & subduing it.
            Some people will be careful for poor people who earn their bread in pre-

paring and trading those things which [Friends] have no use for. More trade in 

some serviceable articles may be to mutual advantage and carried on with more 

regularity & satisfaction than the trade now is. One person in society continuing

to live contrary to true wisdom commonly draws others into connection with him.

Thus these customs small in their beginning, as they increase they promote busi-

ness and traffic, and many depend on them for a living.
            In joining in wrong customs, there is a departing from the purity of God's

government & some alienation from God. To press forward toward perfection is 

our duty, & if some business by which some people earn bread lessens, the Lord 

who wishes these things to end will take care of those whose business fails, if 

they seek him. If our interests engage us to promote plain living in order to en-

rich our country, by living plain in a selfish spirit we do not advance in true reli-

gion. Divine love may so establish our goings that when we labor & meditate on 

God's universal love, this serenity may never be clouded with remembering a 

self-seeking custom we are engaged in.
            Chapter Thirteen—While in favor of customs different from perfect pu-

rity, we are in danger of not attending with singleness to that Light which enligh-

tens us in universal righteousness.  Men with useful employments besides far-

ming may have no more land than is necessary for a house & to answer family 

needs; that is consistent with brotherhood.  Since gifts in husbandry vary, for 

some to possess & occupy more land than others may likewise be consistent.  

Where any demand rents as make their hired laborers work more at business 

than God intended, this puts brotherhood's wheels out of order & increases work 

not belonging in Christ's family.  Some possessing a larger share of profit may  

be consistent with true brotherhood, yet the poorest people are entitled to some 

of these profits. 
            Our gracious creator is as absolutely the owner of it now after many 

ages, as God was when God 1st formed it out of nothing.  Those who are gui-

ded by the Lord give directions concerning their possessions agreeable thereto.

Any claim to land which stands on universal righteousness is a good right; con-

tinuance of that right depends on properly applying the profits thereof. The word

right is continued as a remembrancer of the original intent of dividing the land 

by boundaries, dividing it rightly, according to righteousness. If we trace an 

unrighteous claim & find gifts or grants proven by sufficient seals and witnesses,

that doesn't give the claimant a right.
            Suppose 20 men, professed followers of Christ, discovered an island & 

with their wives took possession. Suppose they, based on true love, disposed of 

their property at life's end with regard to the convenience of the whole & with 

preserving love & harmony. Their successors followed their pious examples & 

strove to keep oppression out.  Suppose 1 of the 20 favored a son over the 

others, and gives most of his lands to him.  This son demands a portion of the 

fruits of the earth as may supply him, his family & some others. These others 

work at providing ornamentation & luxury items suiting that distinction lately 

arisen between him & other inhabitants. His influence & opposition being great,

the other plain, honest men find great difficulty in doing the right thing. 

5

            So, for many ages there is one great landlord and the rest generally poor 

oppressed people.  Some presume past great ancestors, find labor disagreeable, 

and strive to make a living out of increasing the labor of others. Others guard 

against oppression and with one consent train up their children in plainness and 

useful labor. If we trace a later generation's claim back to the 1st who favored a 

son, and see strong legal instruments supporting his claim we couldn't admit he

had a right to so great a portion of land.  

            The Lord gave being to numerous people who inhabited this 20th part, 

who needed it's fruits for sustenance.  The one with legal claim couldn't have a 

right to the whole to satisfy his irregular desires.  Those without legal claim have

 a right to some fruits.  Oppression [disguised as "legal rights"] remains oppres-

sion. Even a little cherished oppression grows stronger & more extensive.  See-

king redemption from oppression is the whole Christian family's great business.
            On Schools: Chapter Fourteen—It remains our duty to wait patiently 

for Christ's help in teaching his family a right regard for all their fellow creatures,

and not seek to forward them in learning by the assistance of that spirit Christ 

was redeeming us from when he gave his life.  While in the spirit of pride and 

love of praise, they may sometimes learn faster, in learning any art or science 

they accustom themselves to disobey the pure Spirit and grow strong in that wis-

dom which  is foolishness with God. They must painfully unlearn a part of what 

they have learned before entering the divine family. It is good for us in education 

to attend diligently to the principle of universal Light, and patiently wait for their 

improvement in the channel of true wisdom.
            If we were free of loving wealth and superfluities, and jobs in producing 

vanities were finished, leaving only labor in making useful things, there would 

be much to spare for our children's education. A plain humble man might work 

as a teacher, and oversee few enough children that he might properly and sea-

sonably administer to each one, and gently lead them as the Gospel Spirit 

opened the way.  We must be sure the teacher of our children can acquaint them 

with grace's  inward work, and can avoid leaving the wrong impressions on their 

tender, inexperienced minds.  Small class size is necessary to avoid the streng-

thening of a wrong spirit, which can infect a whole class.
            If a tutor has a number of students such that the divine strength in him is 

superior to their instability, he may bring them forward in Christian life. Where a

teacher has charge of too many (whether through greed or outside administra-

tion) for that degree of strength which the Lord has given one, one suffers & the 

children suffer too. Educating children in the way of true piety & virtue is a duty

all those having children share. Our Heavenly Father requires nothing of us but 

what he gives strength to perform, as we humbly seek God. If we attend to that 

wisdom from above, our gracious Father will open a way for us to give them 

God's requirements for education. 
          I think sorrowfully of those who, desiring wealth, & living in a way different 

from true Christian spirit, exert themselves in things relating to this life. I think 

too, of the suffering condition of youth through want of pious examples & tutors 

whose minds are seasoned with the spirit of truth. How much of our house-

hold economy goes towards unnecessary things?  Amidst those expenses 

which the pure Truth doesn't require, how do we employ teachers not influ-

enced by the spirit of Truth?     How can we humbly wait on the Lord 

for wisdom to direct us in their education? When times are so cloudy that

we can't go forward in the way of clearness & purity, it behooves us in the depth 

of humility to wait on the Lord to know God's mind concerning us & our children.
           On Masters & Servants: Chapter Fifteen—It is observable in several 

places that the apostle directs the servants' mind to the true Light, that they 

might " do God's will from the heart" & "do it heartily, as to the Lord, & not unto 

men." While the pure in heart encourage upright performance of every reason-

able duty,  they guard against servants complying with unrighteous commands. 

Commands of men which couldn't be performed without disobeying God aren't    

enough authority for Christ's servant to proceed; we ought to obey God not men.

6

          My present concern is that masters might not demand of servants any 

action where they must necessarily act contrary to universal righteousness.  A 

pious father provides for his children, that by his labors they may be rightly 

educated and have things they need for their 1st settling in the world. Where 

a man's righteous intentions are perverted and his labors serve unworthy pur-

poses, he can't labor "heartily as to the Lord."  Where unjust labors are re-

quired to gratify covetous, luxurious, or ambitious designs, conscientious men

are under great difficulty. If they refuse, there is punishment; if they do that 

which is wrong, they wound their souls.
          Chapter Sixteen—To keep Negroes as servants till they are 30 years of 

age and hold the last 9 years' profit of their labor as our own, supposing in 

retirement they will be an expense to our estates, is a process in need of im-

provement. Why?  
              1. Mature Men who have walked orderly and made no contract to

         serve are entitled to freedom. To make them serve as slaves 9 years 

         longer may be to keep them slaves for life. They may die and not be 

         an expense.

              2. 9 years of Negro labor is worth about 50 pounds. If the money 

         were put out for the Negro's use, or used for his future necessities or 

         as he specifies in his will, this would appear to us a brotherly way to

         proceed.
                  3. Where men have labored without wages 9 years longer than 

         is common, and when set free are told that those who detained them 

         are in their debt, they may suspect difficulty in recovering the debt.
                  4. If I see a man want relief and know he hath money in my 

         hands which must be paid for reasonable use, there is no reason to 

         withhold it when I see he needs it. If in selfishness I consider it part 

         of my estate and spend it on an un-Christian expense, I have gone 

         from one temptation and fallen into another.
                  5. If the money the man has earned is spent & more is needed,

         & the public refuseth to bear any expense, this appears to be a case 

         where the righteous [in continuing to pay] suffer for the testimony 

         of a good conscience, and hope for relief.
                  6. The Negroes have suffered as a people; we as a civil soci-

         ety are the ones by whom they have suffered. I am sorrowful be-

         cause of the great injuries committed against these Gentiles, and 

         against their children, who have been born into captivity which is 

         unrighteous captivity. While some had the intent of treating them 

         kindly, they bought them as though those violent men had a right to

         sell them, & thus building on an unrighteous foundation and encou-

         raging those men in this horrible trade; [the crimes went unpunished].

         We need to feel for that pure influence which is able to guide us in 

         the way of healing & restoration.
                  7. I feel I must mention the debt due to many Negroes of the 

         present age. Whatever injuries are done to others outside this society 

         by members of this society, that the society does not strive to execute 

         justice, those injuries are chargeable to the society.  The victims, and 

         the children of deceased victims are entitled to recompense. I feel 

         sorrow as I write on this subject, because of the great injuries commit-

         ted against these Gentiles and against their children born in captivity. 

         [If only] active members of society had united in firm opposition to 

         those 1st violent proceedings. Had those in a selfish spirit met with 

        firm opposition, & profit appeared so doubtful that no further attempts

         were made, how much better had it been for these American colonies.
          Few appeared to be alarmed at it or zealously labor to have justice done

to the sufferers & their posterity. These poor Africans were people of a strange

language & not easy to converse with. Their situation as slaves too generally 

destroyed that brotherly freedom which frequently exists between us & stran-

gers.  Long oppression hath not made oppression consistent with brotherly 

love, nor length of time made recompense.  Under sorrow and a fervent con-

cern for members in society, as well as the interest of my fellow creatures, I 

express these things.

7

            If a man spent 40 years as a slave, & if the sufferings of this man be 

computed at 50 pounds—though no sum may properly be mentioned as an 

equal reward for total deprivation of liberty—50 pounds at 3% compounded 

every 10 years would be upward of 140 pounds in 40 years. When our minds 

are thoroughly divested of all prejudice in relation to the difference of color, 

& the love of Christ prevails, a heavy account lies against us as a civil society

for oppressions against a people who didn't injure us. I conclude with the 

words of a righteous judge in Israel (I Samuel 12: 3) [who promised to restore

 anything taken by theft, fraud or oppression, & any bribe]. 

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358. Reflections from a Prayer Vigil for Peace (by John Andrew 
        Gallery; 2001)
          About the Author—John Andrew Gallery lives in Philadelphia, PA, where
he is a member of the Chestnut Hill MM. This pamphlet was the 1st one written 
after the 9/11/01 attack on the World Trade Towers. 
          Introduction—When NATO bombings of Kosovo began in April 1999, I 
and other Quakers began a prayer vigil for peace on Independence Mall & have
continued it each Sunday since. I was led by God to do so; it's an important part
of my spiritual practice & my understanding of what it is to be a peaceful person
in this indifferent world. 2½ years later, the US & Great Britain have started
bombing Afghanistan. Independence Mall, has a long line waiting to see the
Liberty Bell, & 20-25 police standing on the sidewalk for no apparent reason.
The reporter couldn't believe we thought a peaceful non-violent response was
appropriate. I made a button saying Peace Be With You; many people took one.
            Since 9/11, I found myself questioning the point of the vigil more than I
usually do. I've written reports justifying the vigil, but the truth is, in my heart I
haven't always convinced myself.  In meeting for worship a week or so ago I
spoke of St. Francis of Assisi walking through a village and then home again.
When asked if he was going to preach, he said, "We did."  All St. Francis did
was be visible and by doing so showed the village people there was another
way to live your life. Today there were only 8 of us. To be visible was enough;
to continue to reinforce the resolve of those who share that view. Peace be with
you. Stand for Peace. 
            Sowing Peace: January 2000—As we maintained our weekly Sunday
vigil, I reflected on the parable of the sower whose seed falls on rock, in weeds
& on fertile ground. For me, the parable illustrates the characteristics of a man
living in God's Kingdom. How does the parable of the sower tell us anything
about living in God's Kingdom? When I plant a garden, my planting actions
are based on a desire to control the results of my actions—to insure that every
seed grows, even though they won't & will have to be thinned out. The sower in
the parable takes a different approach.  He knows that every seed can't grow. He
knows that controlling every seed is pointless. He doesn't try to control his ac-
tion's outcome; he isn't overly concerned with the results; he trusts God. 
            Not being concerned with results is hard; accepting a best different from
mine is hard. The "best" or right action out of concern for NATO bombings was
to be a visible reminder that peace is the essential goal.  I had no idea what the
results of carrying a peace sign might be; I didn't care.  I was simply trusting
God that something good might come of this.  A group of Asian tourists had
their pictures taken with us. [I wonder what effect those pictures will have on
them & on their friends back home].  By standing on the mall, I throw my seeds.
I trust God will find fertile ground for them to fall on, & that each seed that
grows will eventually produce an great harvest. 
            Clouds: March 2000—On this day my eyes & mind drift back & forth
between the people & the sky above, mostly a shade paint stores would call "sky
blue." Each week there is at least 1 person who catches [my eye]. There is an
Asian American on a mountain bike, who glances, reads the signs, nods his 
head, and holds a fist high in agreement.  Except for him it was the sky that held 
my attention.  The clouds, like big balls of cotton, drift from left to right, often 
changing as they go. They drift across the world with indifference. 
            I see these gleaming white, huge puffed-up shapes, sometimes drifting,
sometimes racing by on a wind I cannot feel.  God put sun and air and water
together and provided an opportunity for something unexpected & unplanned to
happen. God has put things out there for me to interact with, and when I am in
harmony with God these interactions produce wonderful and expected results.
Being in the natural world gives a sense of me as a small creature, one of many,
vibrating in harmony with all the others.
            It inspires my spiritual thought. In Buddhism there is relating to a spiri-
tual life like relating to a stream. One can sit by a stream & admire it; there is
putting your toes in the water, just testing it.  Entering the stream is making a
serious commitment to a spiritual life with a consistent spiritual practice. One
more stage for me, is lying down in the water, floating, letting the current carry
you as it would a leaf; surrender to God. I'm just getting my toes wet by stan-
ding on the mall with a sign.  For Jesus on Jordan's bank, watching John bap-
tize: What was it that led Jesus to enter the spiritual stream?
            A Fool for God: June 2000—This Sunday I had a small taste of stan-
ding alone at the mall, for 10 or 15 minutes. Throughout my life I've seen indi-
viduals on the streets carrying signs with religious messages. Some I admire for
their courage and ability to witness their beliefs so publicly. [The rest] I look at
& think they've lost a part of their sanity. [I think they are fools] to believe such
actions have any value, & impact. 
            That's what I imagine people think of me as I stand alone with my sign.
Am I prepared to be a fool for God? The Fool in the Tarot is the prince of the
other world on his travels through this one. He is spirit in search of experience.
The Fool calls to the child inside of us, the part of us that wants to act intui-
tively, instinctively, impulsively, joyously, without fear.  He seems in totally
unity with God, in joyous harmony with all creation. One can easily say that
anyone who truly tries to live by Jesus' teachings will be view as a fool in the
eyes of the world.
             As I stood alone, only I felt different. One African American woman
walked slowly by. She read the signs against the wall, then mine. She looked at
me & softly said "Bless you" as she walked on. It's easy to become judgmental
about the people who pass. It's easy to forget we are called to love them all.
Tony said he used to classify people who passed. He decided he would look 
directly at each person and pray for them as long as they looked at us.  We are 
called to love them all. And if that makes us fools for God, so be it.
            Rain: August 2000—One day, I take an umbrella from the car just in
case it rains.  I stand there knowing a storm is approaching; if it comes I and the
others will still stand peacefully with our signs. I am at peace with that. It pours
heavily for 20 minutes. The rain is beautiful & intense. With the umbrella, my
hair, legs, sandals, feet get soak. Other standing without protection get soaked
completely.  We stand as calmly as the trees, bend with wind, accept rain.  The
landscape is calm and peaceful as the storm passes; a description of me remai-
ning calm and peaceful in the face of anger hatred, violence, letting it pass
through me & only I, at peace, remain. 
            When I 1st moved to Philadelphia I would often go out late at night &
take a walk before going to bed.  This night I decided to see what deserted
streets I could find. I got ice cream and met friends I hadn't seen.  It started to
pour & within minutes I was soaked through to the skin. I headed home, getting
wetter and wetter, and feeling happier. I met 4 soaked teenagers, and I liked the
idea of being a crazy old man who does things only teenagers would do.  Stan-
ding motionless, I felt as if the rain was God's nurturing love pouring down on
me, cleansing and caressing my body & mind.  I felt filled with rainwater, filled
to overflowing with God's love; I was in complete harmony with God.  My life
seemed extraordinary, wonderful, amazing, and blessed. 
            This is My Prayer: August 2000—We began with one sign: "Pray for
peace in Kosovo." Now, the different signs all revolve around peace in different
ways, [in particular]: "There's no way to Peace. Peace is the Way." My own sign
has changed from time to time; now it says:  "Hear our Prayer: May there be
peace everywhere ..."  I have found that it is important to include the words
"peace" & "prayer." If one asked "How do you pray for peace?" I would be at a
total loss.  As a Catholic, prayers were memorized verses (the Lord's Prayer and
Hail Mary) while kneeling beside my bed at bedtime.  My mother had a natural
faith that someone listened to her prayer & would answer them. I lost that faith,
if I ever  had it, when I became a Harvard-educated intellectual. [I would make
deals with God in prayer (If you ...  Then I'll...)]. These prayers never seemed to
work.
            The Quaker phrase "hold in the light" came as a relief to me. Holding
someone in the light means I'm not asking God for anything. Just "be with this
person" & "thy will be done." Meister Eckhart's advice is that if you can think of
nothing, thank you is enough.  [Beyond holding in the light, and "thank you," I
haven't anything that isn't] just more of me, what I want, not a surrender to God.
My standing here is a form of prayer, something like: "Please, go home, love
your children, love your families. Love your neighbors. Don't be afraid ..." If we
all decided not to fight, not to let anger take over, to act out of love not hate or
fear, then the world would be at peace.
            The Peace of God—Jesus makes a distinction between 2 kinds of peace:
the peace of men & the peace of God. Peace is the absence of [military] events,
when people are not fighting & killing one  another. Such peace, created by trea-
ties, truces, & cease-fires is fragile, easily broken or lost, because the underlying
causes may not have changed. God's peace seems closer to "inner peace," [then
the above peace]. [I had tests for 2 life-threatening illnesses, 10 years apart]. The
1st waiting period was filled with speculations & fear of death. The 2nd waiting
period was quite calm. Buddhism has taught me that inner peace isn't something
you can seek; it comes from a commitment to spiritual practice. "Muslim" means
someone who has surrendered to God. For a Muslim peace is also a by-product
of a spiritual commitment.
            Most mornings I do what I call Tree Energy Tai Chi, using a tree as a
partner.  A tree is a good analogy for the way I feel.  I am rooted, grounded in
something deep & unseen that allows me to be flexible, to weather the storms in
my life without being uprooted or shattered. This grounding is an  unequivocal
trust in God. Once that commitment was made & my heart open to God, that was
enough for God to come rushing in. I know with certainty that I'm not separate
from God. and it is that certainty, that trust, that has enabled me to rest in God's
peace. 
            April Fools: April 2001—On the 1st Sunday in April, I finally got to do
the whole hour alone. My only company are 2 police in a car. I like to think we're
under surveillance to be sure we don't  somehow create a full scale outbreak of
world peace.  In the year since the African American woman  said "Bless you,"
I've come to think of that phrase & that woman differently. I've never thought of
asking for God's help as asking for God's blessing.
            To receive a blessing is in a way to be anointed, to receive a transfer of
grace and strength from someone of greater spiritual accomplishment. A Catho-
lic would kneel to receive a blessing, a Buddhist would bow or prostrate one's
self.  Each day I say: Give me your blessing as I try to lead my life this day as a
true member of your kingdom.  If I had last April to do again, I would kneel be-
fore her and ask for her hands on my head as she gives her blessing. 
            On Timothy McVeigh: June 2001—Not every Sunday vigil produces
something inspiring. Some days are boring & time passes slowly. Part of being
at peace is being able to live in & appreciate the  present moment. It's always a
surprise to me to see who acknowledges us, among the many who just walk by.
An Italian asked about Quakers, & whether Quakers had power [or influence]. I
said that now & historically the power of Quakers to influence public opinion
came from what we were doing on the mall—being willing to live our beliefs &
bear public witness to them. He said that was good, because the US wasn't a
force for peace in the world. 
               The Chinese see us as imperiling world peace, and Timothy McVeigh
said "If our government is a teacher, if it models the behavior that it wants from
its citizens to follow, then the answer ... [is] yes, [violence is the way to solve
problems]." Not even the US seems capable of deciding unilaterally not to
continue the violence.  A Sunday paper headline read,  "Should we pray for 
Timothy McVeigh?" One other and I were led to speak on this question. She
spoke 1st, and after I thought of what else to say, I realized that I was not called
to pray for Timothy McVeigh. I was called to pray for myself. For the past 11
years, every day of every week, the US has bombed Iraq.  So this morning I
pray for my own forgiveness, for being silent.
            Grounded: August 2001—I've gradually learned to calm my mind for
the hour I stand on the mall. Sometimes I think about the connection between
something I hear or see there & other aspects of my life. Now these reflections
more often occur late at night.  My body has a restless energy that isn't connec-
ted to or influenced by the calmness in my head. There are people who do their
vigil in a seated meditation position. They looked relaxed & more at peace than
I felt. I like the word grounded. It implies relationship to the Earth, to the natu-
ral environment, that has been an important part of my spiritual life & moments
of experiencing God's peace.
           Loren Eisely, in his book The Immense Journey, is able to combine his
scientific knowledge with a spiritual perspective. He describes going out into a
mountain stream, lying down in the water and floating on the current like a leaf.
He knows his body is 70% water, and so can imagine it both submerged in and
merged with the water that carries him along in an almost mystical way. 
            One night, as I lay under the stars, and among the fireflies, everything
shifted.  The lights close at hand might just as well been stars, and I was there
among them, my arms and legs spread out like a constellation.  I was in the uni-
verse, & the universe was also in me. In God's peace, my body is calm, entirely
in its proper place, grounded, connected to and not separate from the natural 
world.  God's peace comes when I relinquish my sense of independence and 
separateness and release myself into God's care, becoming insignificant, power-
less and alone with God.
            Being Faithful: July 2001—In one meeting for worship, I was remin-
ded of the theme of faithfulness.  This sent me into downward spiral.  I was a 
contact person for a separate group for a disruptive visitor until recently. Today
would be the 1st time in several years that I wasn't part of that separate meeting.
I concluded that I had not released myself from this responsibility.  The act of
being faith was an individual calling; what was faithful for me to do. I thought
about missing a Sunday vigil, which the "regulars" often did. The question of 
faithfulness would not go away or give me an easy out. It turns out I was alone
at the vigil for awhile, and 1 of only 2 for the rest of it.  Were only 1 or 2 peo-
ple effective on a vigil? 
            I was reminded of a story: A bird sat on a branch. A friend asked what
the 1st bird was doing. "I'm counting the number of snowflakes it takes to break
this branch." "Impossible," said the friend. "Snowflakes weigh nothing ... You're
wasting your time." As the 1st bird counted the 1,347,519 snowflake to land the
branch broke.  He said in essence as he flew away, who is to know whether it
you or I or a person we meet, who makes a commitment and becomes that one
final person needed to break the branch of war & violence in the world? Some-
times I feel like the millionth snowflake and that neither my actions nor those
of others working for peace have any impact. Most of the time I feel optimistic
and full of joy from knowing that I'm acting in harmony with God, doing what
is asked of me.  Our task is to be faithful. God will do the rest. 
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359. The Existential Theology of Nikos Kazantzakis (by Howard F. 
        Dosser 2001)
            About Author—Howard F. Dossor, after ordination & service in the Con-
gregational churches, resigned from the ministry to enter the educational sector,
working in university administration for 20 years. He is a regular lecturer for
Melbourne's Existentialist Society. He is the author of Colin Wilson:  The Man
and His Mind." The lecture set in these pages was delivered to the Existential
Society in 2000. It reflects a re-evaluation of his theological position in light of
examination of Nikos Kazantzakis' life and works.
            [A Dream; Questions; the Abyss]—[I begin with a dream that was cen-
tral to J. B. Priestley's life]. He says: "I dreamt I was standing on top of a very
high tower, looking down on millions of birds all flying in one direction ... a vast
aerial river of birds of all kinds ... [Then], the gear was sped up; [birth, mating,
weakening dying took place in seemingly seconds] ... What was the use of all 
this gigantic meaningless biological effort? ... The gear was changed again 
& went faster still ... the birds were like an enormous plain ... Along this plain, 
flickering through the bodies passed a sort of white flame ... life itself ... All crea-
tures were of no account except as this flame of life traveled through  them ... All
real feeling ... danced on ecstatically with the white flame of life.
           I offer this dream as a powerful & profound symbol of Nikos Kazantzakis'
existential theology.  Kazantzakis has given expression to an understanding of
God without losing sight of the reality of the human condition.  Soren Kierke-
gaard asks: How did I come to be here?     What is the world?      Who lured
me here & left me there?      Why was I not consulted, & made acquainted
with its manners & customs?     Why was I brought as though by a kidnap-
per, a dealer in souls?         If I am compelled to take part in it, where is the
Director? I would like to see him. These questions had found a quiet resolution
in Kazantzakis' mind & his work The Saviours of God.  At its heart lies the under-
standing of the Abyss.
            He wrote: " We come from a dark abyss, we end in a dark abyss; we call
the luminous interval in between life ...  In the temporary living organism two
streams collide: the ascent towards composition, toward life, toward immortality; 
& the descent towards decomposition, towards matter, toward death ...  We are
born in every moment; we die in every moment ..." Kazantzakis' understanding 
of the abyss is a legitimate alternative to a theology which enshrines a loving, 
benevolent God & an eternal, heavenly realm of bliss. This notion [of God & 
heaven has no place in a theology that dares to be legitimately existential and 
embraces the concept of the abyss.
            Kazantzakis' abyss is nothingness, void, chaos. It is perpetual night, with-
out beginning or end. What Kazantzakis celebrates isn't the abyss but the lumi-
nous interval that is called life, which] is like a crimson-tailed comet, flashing in
the everlasting night, rising in the east, arching the heavens in a brilliant flash of
passage before fading from sight; it triumphs over the darkest night, if only for a
second. Kazantzakis' existential theology comes from within the very nature of
our existence. It is not merely preparation for something else. Bertrand  Russel
writes:  "A complete life can only be lived when the fact of the death is kept stea-
dily in mind." An afterlife offers support to some, but what is available to those
who hold no such conviction. Kazantzakis would have us resolve the problem of
death by focusing firmly on the present reality of our living.
            [God, Freedom, Living Life]—Kazantzakis' theology needs a God. He
applies the name God to that inexplicable force that drives the comet of life
across the arch of night of nothingness. Kazantzakis says: "We have named it
God because only this name, for primordial reasons, stirs our hearts profoundly."
His God isn't Almighty. He stumbles, is defeated incessantly, rises again. Kazan-
tzakis says: "His rain is a tangled skein of light and darkness which he strives to
unravel in the labyrinth of flesh ... Crawling, straining, groping for unnumbered 
centuries, he feels the muddy coils of his brain being suffused with light."
            Kimon Friar wrote: "God, for Kazantzakis, was not a predetermined goal 
towards which one proceeds, but a spirituality ceaselessly and progressive crea-
ted by nature as it evolves toward greater and higher refinement." It is an inter-
nal God with whom we deal.  Personifying this universal force wasn't as foolish
as it sounds, for humans are the highest thing we know; what can be greater
than the highest virtues in man infinitely expanded?
           The essence of God is struggle and the objective of that struggle is free-
dom.  In co-operating with the energy that seeks to power us across the night
sky, we not only set free the God within but we move toward the attainment of
freedom for ourselves. Heinrich Mann writes: "Freedom ... is the sum of all the
aims of the spirit ... Freedom is equality ... freedom  is the will to truth ... Free-
dom is the absolute human being." It is the inescapable obligation of persons 
to choose to participate in their own becoming, to [work with God] in realizing  
their potential. Freedom is something you do."
            When Kazantzakis 1^st wrote "I am free" in 1923, he was 38 years old. 
To grasp Kazantzakis' understanding of life as a luminous interval within the
abyss is to comprehend  the ultimate truth about life—that it is the highest con-
cept of which we are capable.  When we are engaged in life most enthusiasti-
cally, we are truly alive and most effectively setting free that Godhead that seeks
to gush forth. Life contains at its center its own justification, which when fully
realized transforms our experience & the nature of our interactions.  The answer
theology provides to the question:  What am I supposed to be doing now 
that I find myself in the world? may well constitute the real value of any
theology. 
            [Spiritual Exercises]—In 1922, Kazantzakis wrote: "I am writing Spiri-
tual Exercises, a mystical book where I trace a method by which the spirit may
rise from cycle to cycle until it reaches the supreme contact. I describe how we
ascend all these steps, and how, when we reach the highest, we live simultane-
ously all the previous cycles. In the opening section he sets out 3 duties as pre-
paration before doing the exercises he formulates. El Greco spelled out the 1^st
2: "Reach what you can." [i.e. Live within your mind's limitations, accept the 
boundaries], & "Reach what you cannot," [i.e. Renew yourself. Extend yourself. 
Transcend yourself].  The 3^rd duty is to understand that all hope has already
been realized in the fact of life. 
            Kazantzakis sets out 4 steps in what he calls the March of Ascent. In the
1^st step of the ascent, Kazantzakis would have us embrace ourselves, the ego.
We have an essential value. We are a "flaming, courageous, relentless heart" 
and must "struggle to subdue the commotions and contradictions, the joys and
sorrows of life ... to the ascending rhythm of the universe."  [God is freed by
passing through us, and God is freed of us]. 
            The 2^nd step of our ascent is an embrace of our ancestors, the recogni-
tion that we carry within ourselves the seed of all of them as well as the seed of
our progeny. [Past generations nourish us, shelter us, inspire us]. "Future gene-
rations don't move far from us in an uncertain time.  They live, desire & act in
our loins and our heart." "Both of my parents circulate in my blood ... The pre-
sence of my 2 parents is clearly manifest in my hands, my right hand strong, 
insensitive, absolutely masculine, my left sensitive ... The twin currents of blood,
Greek from my mother & Arab from my father ... has been positive & fruitful,
giving me strength, joy, & wealth. 
            The island of Crete was in his very being; it always meant a resisting,
struggling Crete, an island seeking to assert itself in a sea of opposition.  He
sought freedom from the outer, flesh and blood, Turk oppressors, and "freedom
from the inner Turk—from ignorance, malice and envy, fear and laziness."  It
taught him the value of the Cretan Glance. "I feel something else, a synthesis,
a being that is filled with coherence, pride and manliness by such a vision of
the abyss ... This glance ... I call the Cretan Glance."
            "Train your heart to govern as spacious an arena as it can. Encompass
... through as many centuries as you can bear, humankind's onward march. 
Thus the 3^rd step in the ascent is an embrace of humankind. Whoever doesn't
feel the pulse of humankind in one's own beating heart is not yet human. God
is to be found in the collectivity that we know as humankind.  The 4^th step in-
volves a confrontation with the earth. Trees, waters, animals, birds and reptiles
find their voice in us. "They toiled, loved & died to open a road for our coming."
            [Ascent to the Heart of God]—God says:  "I am He who eternally 
ascends ... I fight and ascend that I might not drown ... I am afraid! This dark
ascent has no ending. My head is a flame that tries eternally to detach itself,
but the breath of night blows eternally to put me out ... I walk & stumble in the
flesh like a traveller overtaken by night and I call out, "Help me!" This call from
within is a sign that the ascent has begun. It is as if all we have ever known,
ever done, ever thought or dreamed has been transmuted into a form of spirit.
What spirit?  The spirit of ascent!  Every victory, every momentary balance on
the ascent fills with joy every living thing that breathes grows, loves and gives
birth... And again the ascent begins. 
            The call of ascent may be regarded as the pulsing life-blood of Kazant-
zakis' existential theology.  It adds an abundance of richness to everyday life.
The common will blossom in a plenitude of beauty.  The idea of ascent can re-
new our relationship with the Earth on which we live. It is more than a room in 
which we live; it is part of who we are.  Kazantzakis says:  "The universe is 
warm, beloved, familiar, and it smells like my own body."  There is no end to 
the ascent, although its end perpetually promises itself. The reward comes to us 
in the Silence. "Every person, after completing his service in all labors, reaches 
finally the highest summit of endeavor, ripens fully in silence, indestructibly,
eternally, with the entire universe. There, he merges with the Abyss and nestles 
within it like the seed of man in the womb of woman." 
            Kazantzakis' existential theology has a liturgy. He gave it expression in
his epic 33,333 line poem The Odyssey.  All of his writing, all his characters,
are aspects of Kazantzakis himself engaging in spiritual exercises of the ascent. 
"Odysseus keeps the thought of death before him as a stimulant ... to whet his
appetites in life, to make them more capable of embracing & exhausting" every-
thing in him, so that death would find an entirely squandered Odysseus."  The
liturgy most akin to Kazantzakian theology is expressed through human beings
as artists, incurable mythmakers. We base our everyday behavior on a myriad
of myths that both comfort and stimulate us. 
            We are today in desperate need of new mythmakers, new fashioners
of imaginations & dreams which will lead us through the impasse of a despair
that threatens to overwhelm us. We must acknowledge myths to be symbols of
the unsayable, & not invest them with reality & become entrapped in them. We
may have enshrined Christianity like a dead icon in our belief's heart so that it
diverts our attention from our human responsibility and our opportunity for self-
renewal. The myth of the scientific method's infallibility may have interfered with
our willingness to look in unaccustomed placed where God is waiting to burst
forth in a renewed assault upon complacency.
            The ongoing replacement of one myth by another is akin to the place-
ment of stepping stones in the building of a pathway across stony ground.
Kazantzakis' The Saviours of God was the formulation of a mythology. Kimon
Friar writes: "It would be the deepest happiness of Nikos Kazantzakis to know
that those [helped by his work], have smashed his Law Tablets ... & struggle to
surpass him, to mount higher on their own ... wings."
            Time will no doubt produce a fuller, richer theology than that of Kazant-
zakis. [Let us look one last time at his writing, this time] his credo: "From early
youth, my fundamental struggle ... and joy has been the ... battle within me be-
tween flesh and spirit. My spirit is the arena where 2 armies have met & fought.
If only one of these 2 conquered, I would be lost ... [I did not want to lose my
body or soul]. I struggled to unite these 2 antithetical and universal powers as
co-workers ... so that I might rejoice with them in their harmony. This struggle
lasted for many years ... When I saw that all [the ways I tried] led to the Abyss,
I would turn back ... I felt deeply and I was freed ...
            " I changed the vision with which I looked out upon the world ... I strug-
gled not to do anything ... in disharmony with the rhythm of the Great Comba-
tant ... I also have a great responsibility in the progress of the world ... my con-
tribution ... will not get lost ...An unceasing & renewing reconciliation and co-
operation with antithetical powers, has remained for me my freedom and my
redemption." [If we listen carefully, we may hear] the incessant beating of Priest-
ley's bird wings as they dance on ecstatically with the white flame of life.

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360. Quaker Social Testimony in Our Personal and Corporate Life

        (by Jonathan Dale; 2002)
           About the Author—Jonathan Dale has been much involved in the work 

Britain Yearly Meeting  (BYM) has done over the last 30 years on social ques-

tions, particularly housing & poverty. He was very involved in BYM's Redisco-

vering Our Social Testimony (ROST).  The ROST exercise culminated in the 

publication of Faith in Action in 2000. He now lives in a tough inner-city area of

Salford where he works for a grass-roots housing cooperative. This pamphlet is

a slightly rewritten version of a paper he was asked to give at Pendle Hill in May

2001.

            The Eclipse of Testimony in the 20th Century/ Liberal Quakerism's 

undermining of testimony: relativism, individualism, and secularism— 

Friends in Britain have lost touch with testimony's inner meaning and with its 

function in Quaker life. Such was my experience until the last 10 years or so. 

            20 years ago I was lecturing to socially and intellectually advantaged St.

Andrews students. I was living in a cottage in an [upscale] Fife village. I moved

to a terraced house in the Ordsall community, where those who can, leave.  I 

spend a half-hour every morning picking up litter. What is the state of Quaker 

testimony in seasoned and politically active Friends? 

            I was almost untouched by testimony; it wasn't the heart of my life.  I 

knew about peace testimony.  It was the only one that resonated, instead of 

being one of several; testimonies were vestigial at best, irrelevant at worst.
            20th Century Liberal Quakerism increasingly used a theology which 

made an understanding of testimony very difficult. The liberal view was relati-

vist: each person sees things differently & there isn't a way of choosing. [Friends

doubted] they could corporately discern truth in morality & public affairs. If we 

are restricted to a largely immanent faith in that of God within, we will have 

little sense of a world beyond; the black & white world of prophecy dissolves 

into gray. Testimonies become abstract values; their particularity and power are 

largely lost.

            The relationship between Friends and wider society is that while early 

Friends lived against their age's spirit, we have been captivated by ours. British 

Quakerism's spirit became one of accommodation.  They have implicitly accep-

ted the process of secularization. Choosing against a materialist, individualist, 

and secular world-view is the great spiritual challenge we face.  Friends talk 

about (different facets of their lives), with hardly ever a reference to Jesus' 

values, or to our testimonies.  My voice was among theirs, [& my choice was 

made without holding it in the light].  Whatever we buy, the choice is religious.  

I will recount some of the processes which have helped BYM to re-engage with

testimony and resist the forces of relativism, individualism, secularization, 

through ROST. 

            Testimony in Personal Life: My Slow Awakening to the Importance 

of Quaker Testimony: Housing Choices—[For a long time] my life had previ-

ously been lived automatically, without reference to God, the spirit, the light, or

Quaker testimonies. In 1964, we bought our cottage with character and potential

that we fell in love with.  We didn't consider the consequences to housing equa-

lity, transportation, pollution, and global warming.  The testimonies to commu-

nity, simplicity, & equality didn't so much as emerge from the back of our minds. 

Unmasking automatic responses to [secular prompts] is now surely one of our 

main spiritual tasks.  What do our daily lives and choices say about our 

testimony?

            We moved from the Scottish countryside into the northern English city of 

Manchester, but we moved into [a relatively safe, leafy suburb]. Our daughter 

had a fierce, rebellious depression for almost 2 years. "Putting her interests 1st" 

[by not moving] would have been code for acting out of self-interest for one's 

dependents.  It took us 10 years to move into the inner-city estate of Ordsall, 

which is well-known for its lawlessness.  Estate agents couldn't believe our 

choice; people don't choose to move to Ordsall. One climbs upward through the 

housing market. You can see at work here the anti-testimony of secular values, 

with which our testimonies contend. We can honestly say that the whole experi-

ence has been an opening and a liberation rather than an imprisonment.

             I learned that I needed to be nagged. [I was part of the process, where 

inequality in income polarized housing, and council estates became ghettos for 

the poorest and most disadvantaged]; it didn't feel right. Something was there as

part of our lives' very fabric.  It wasn't threatening, paralyzing, or commanding.

I was patiently and persuasively shown how my life was inconsistent with my 

beliefs. It was the light in spoken form. It nagged me lovingly into something I 

knew in my heart I wanted to do.

            Shopping /Transport—In Manchester Meeting,  I took over the fair 

trade stall that was set up. It helped me realize that the way I lived & spent my 

money expressed the values that mattered to me ... whatever I said they were. I 

needed to pay more, not to flaunt purchasing power, but to be just a little fairer

to people producing the food.  Few Friends saw the opportunity to use their pur-

chasing power as a spiritually informed influence for right relationships globally.   

I didn't buy everything I could from my own stall.  [I think it is a common experi-

ence in trying to live our testimonies].  We do some things right; something else, 

we don't do, or not yet. None of us lead lives fully in harmony with our testimo-

nies. What matters is the direction we face & movement we make.

            When I traveled from one end of the country to the other, none of my im-

pact on the climate, habitat, or pollution entered my spiritual head. We still have 

a car, although it's little used apart from Emily's work.  I see the almost daily de-

cisions as to whether or not to use the car as a gift. Such decisions, whether I'm 

faithful or whether I succumb to convenience, or whim, are the stuff of prayer 

and testimony.  How can we bring God more & more into our daily decision-

making process?

            Conclusion to "my slow awakening"—When my spirituality hardly 

reached all parts of my life, it was full of holes and unfaithful to the Quaker doc-

trine that the whole of life is sacramental. Secularizing ideology [inhabits] all of 

us.  The danger comes from not even suspecting that our sphere of spirituality 

has shrunk, been rendered partially irrelevant and privatized. A sacramental life 

means living as though everything we are, say, and do speaks of our sense of 

the divine, and everything is a spiritual question. How can we cope with all the

daily spiritual questions more creatively?
            We may have to examine a few things closely until we have developed 

a practice that is automatic but not unthinking, which then leaves space for the 

next opportunity. Sometimes our lack of will leads us to avoid the knowledge 

that would enlighten us. If we truly engage with discernment of them, they will 

give us spiritual exercise all the time. [Every time we answer one of these ques-

tions spiritually], in the light, we are rediscovering our social testimonies, we 

are reclaiming the world of secular values, routine practice, for God. We disco-

ver the priceless virtue of faithfulness.

            Testimony in our Corporate Life—Testimony has also diminished in 

our Quaker corporate understanding. There is a serious failure of nerve in rela-

tion to the corporate nature of Quaker faith. Some Friends treat their meeting as

a self-sufficient, feel-good pastime largely cut off from a transforming spiritua-

lity and the corporate social witness it sustains. Our approach to social and poli-

tical issues has real and essential elements of unity. Such unity is a theological 

foundation of Quakerism. 

            Starting in 1994, BYM engaged in an exercise called "Rediscovering 

Our Social Testimony (ROST)," which has helped renew confidence that testi-

monies are central to unity & identity. The process started with a sense of right-

ness & leading. Central Committee came up with the suggestion of revisiting 

social testimonies; it almost immediately seemed right. We shared our vision 

with our Representative Council (a body made up of representatives of monthly

meetings), which encouraged us to [continue]. 

            Our working group purposely represented all the major departments of 

BYM. We compiled a 1st pack, and later a 2nd, which included personal experi-

ences of testimony & asked for responses. I kept the issue before Friends at the 

Conference in Manchester in 1995; my address was published in The Friends' 

Quarterly & the Friends Journal. I was also Swarthmore Lecturer in 1996.

            ROST encouraged BYM to recognize the significance of this renewed 

emphasis on social testimony, and we produced a book holding the experience 

that the 5 years of the exercise had given us. In January 2000, Faith in Action: 

Quaker Social Testimony was published. It seems to me that the testimonies are 

once more something we speak and write freely about.  Some Friends are on 

record as having changed aspects of their life-style as a direct result of the exer-

cise & the reflection it inspired. Activist Friends find it easier to speak of the 

foundation of their commitment in spiritual terms than was formerly the case.
         The partial eclipse of testimony in BYM hasn't gone away. [Conscious 

engagement with testimony is necessary]. Quaker testimonies are necessarily 

corporate & they can't be kept alive without corporate exercise. If Friends gene-

rally are to sense the centrality of testimony in their lives, Quaker social action 

mustn't be confined to national committee & structures.  The practice of testimo-

ny, I believe, must be a focus of our spiritual life & learning at the local level.

           Life-Style—We need to embrace both politics and life-style as part of our

testimony, over-coming the specific fears & inhibition which mark each of them.

How can we assess contemporary Friends' engagement with life-style and 

politics in our corporate life?  I was part of a life-style sharing group which 

grew out of the early stages of the ROST exercise. Because of the wide range 

of situations in the group [couples vs. Solo; well-off vs. less well- off; young 

adults vs. elderly] we did not try to produce a single model approach for all to 

follow. If we listened intently to the contributions of each person, we could not 

avoid being opened to the challenge of the far-reaching & faithful responses that

others in the group made; several of us made some changes in how we lived 

as a result.

            On the theme of money we addressed: giving presents; supporting cha-

rities; handling our wealth during life and upon death; holidays, transport, sim-

plicity, and food.  It was not necessarily a life-changing experience. Yet it did

nudge us along some way on the route of greater faithfulness.  "The whole of 

our life is sacramental, especially the boring everyday bits (e.g. what we do with

our rubbish, how we get to work, what we eat for lunch)." Sharing spiritual jour-

ney is not just about relationships.  Whether we buy fairly traded goods or orga-

nic produce is also part of our spiritual journey.

            There is need for a more explicit corporate life-style process in our mee-

tings, grounded in testimonies, social and environmental justice. How would a 

stranger know what our testimonies are just from how we run our own af-

fairs?     How do our investments express God's loving purpose?    How do 

our furnishings and decoration express our testimony on simplicity? Furni-

shing and heating our meeting houses and traveling to meeting are spiritual mat-

ters that display our relationship with God.

            The Necessity of Political Action: Campaigning/ The Importance of 

Mutual Accountability—Individual changes in life-style can't be effective with-

out playing their part in changing policy. We must somehow invite others to join

in the witness to make progressive public policy more favorable & possible. Our 

spiritually-grounded political engagement must express our testimony. Social 

testimony offers a vision of how our common life ought to be lived; it must be 

shared. Many Friends fear concrete manifestation of a political dimension to our

faith. Campaigning has been left to BYM's central structures. [Locally, Friends 

opt out of the process]. Many fear the potential disunity within meetings. 

            Local meetings have taken up: vigils against bombing; membership in a 

Housing Coalition; advertising the Quaker position on poverty. Our meeting has

set up a standing Social Justice Group which is empowered by monthly meeting

to help Friends witness to social testimonies, including politically.  This needn't 

be approached in a party political spirit nor dogmatically. This experience has 

lasted for 5 years, and is very encouraging. Friends [not only feed the hungry], 

but have for a long time declared that we need to rid society of hunger's causes. 

For me having local meetings inform debate & present alternative visions would

be a deeply spiritual path. Perhaps our prayer life will become engaged & our 

campaigning prayerful.

            Deep spiritual discernment and faithfulness will lead us towards a way of

life in which we choose to life as though God is real. The practice of sharing our

spiritual journeys with each other, in an atmosphere of trust encourage, chal-

lenge, adventure, and mutual accountability is surely an aspiration which, in 

theory, we share. Sandra Cronk said: "They have a covenantal relationship with 

each other. They are accountable to God & each other for maintaining those rela-

tionships. [What is holding us back is our fear of our inadequacies showing, and

fear of conflict among Friends. The real challenges to our spirituality come in 

the concrete circumstances of our day-to-day lives. A rediscovery of our social 

testimonies in this way is a spiritual journey. 

            Conclusion: The Virtue of Testimony—The virtue of testimony is that it 

puts the values of the world & the values of the world side-by-side & asks us to 

choose. Testimony is a key defense against the tendencies in contemporary life 

which split faith & action, [like relativism, individualism, & secularism]. Prac-

ticed more deliberately, testimonies could recreate a corporate Quaker identity, a 

sense that we have been given something vital to do.
            What impact for good or ill does our part in the tourist trade have on

the country concerned?       Should we offer our financial support to an ac-

ceptable regime?       How can we sense every area of our lives to be one 

where our spiritual discernment is exercised? The most direct route to a dee-

pening spirituality would be for more & more of us to share with each other how 

our soul is conditioned by how we live our lives. If only we trusted, we might 

come to know in each other the inspiring, loving, cajoling, & forgiving spirit 

which is God. 

            My life-style has changed fundamentally in the last 15 years. Most im-

portant has been sustained ` reflection-action centered on testimony. George 

Fox wrote:  "Earthly reason shall tell you what you will lose. Hearken not to 

that, but stand still in the Light ... then strength comes from the Lord. And help,

contrary to your expectation [will come]." Testimony is the way in which we 

express in our lives our understanding of what human beings are meant to be: 

loving, truthful, peaceful, and centered on God, the natural world and other peo-

ple [as were early Friends]. We need to use our testimonies as guides to another

world than this one, here and now.
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