PHP 321-340

            

             Foreword—I spent more than half of 2013 at Pendle Hill in Wallingford,   PA, and fell in love with many things about it. My latest passion is with their     pamphlets.  Here I have, after reading them, set down the most impressive     excerpts of each, with rare paraphrasing and additions of my own [in brackets].  Most of all I am impressed with the timelessness of these pamphlets, the old-    est of which go back more than 80 years.

321. No Royal Road to Reconciliation (by Gene Knudsen-

        Hoffman; 1995)

    About the Author/ Pamphlet—Gene Knudsen Hoffman has had seve-    ral careers, including writing, psychology, & Peace; she has been with Friends     since 1950 in Pasadena and Fellowship of Reconciliation (FOR) since 1951.     She has worked on US/USSR relations (1983-89) and on Middle East con-    flicts since 1989. In this pamphlet, Gene explains the process of how pain     causes anger and violence and how peace is a healing process for the violent     and the violated. Her suggestions offer new wisdom and compassion in possi-    bilities for peace.

    [Introduction]/ On Healing Personal Trauma—Adam Curle, Quaker  mediator says we are not able to cope with the new type of hopeless, addictive,  pointless mass violence which bears no resemblance to any war we ever knew.  A widely-accepted, primary, [root] cause of the violence is that earlier violence  has been inflicted on the perpetrator. Unless the violated and violators are  healed, groups and nations will repeat cycles of violence.

    For reconciliation to occur, I must begin with me & have respect for the     divine in the opposition & enough humility to know I don't have pure motives &     all truth on my side. In the peace movement I found great, self-sacrificing, elo-    quent people. There were many who were anything but peaceful. We "peace     people" weren't all that different from non-peace people except that we had a     humane goal to work towards. We thought we were righteous, and wanted to     convince others. We rarely changed anyone, except those on the verge of be-    ing persuaded. Mainly we could hear only ourselves. I sought ways to integrate  what I knew in my head with my behavior.

            Quakers rarely express a need for personal reform except prophetically.  We rarely share intimate details of our lives, so as to invite much needed feed-    back from the meeting. I moved on from, but didn't abandon psychology, be-    cause I realized that walking the path of change was as important as talking     about my problem, & I recognized that psychology is a petal on God's flower &  had much to teach. Thich Nhat Hahn wrote: "It is sick relationships which sick-    ens the world—relationships to one another, to the earth, to possessions, to     self, to God. Healing relationships heal the world."  What shall I do if the     other doesn't want to be reconciled with me?

    The 12 Steps of Alcoholics [is a spiritual practice of admission of po-    werlessness, decision to accept Higher Power's guidance, taking inventory,  past & present, "of the exact nature of our wrongs," asking for their removal,     making amends, "seeking to improve our conscious contact with God, and     then asking only for knowledge of God's will for us and the power to carry that  out]." They now include a number of other addictions.

    All behavior patterns are inherited from those who suffered the original  trauma, or the original blessing. These "flaws" have a good seed; when faced,     modified, and put into appropriate context, they are healing impulses. Many of     us today have given up or lost our families of origins. Small 12-Step groups     teach us that everyone can be a part of our family, and we can regain some of     the security we lost. Martin Buber said: "The cause of our conflict is that we do  not know what we feel, say what we mean, and do what we say."

            Mass Trauma: Vietnam—The "Nam Retreat" was held at la Casa de  Maria in Santa Barbara in 1988 & was led by Thich Nhat Hahn. 22 participants  were veterans & nurses; 20 weren't. In '87, I spoke to Thich Nhat Hahn about  Americans in denial about what had happened. Until we could acknowledge     Vietnam's reality, we would repeat the violence until the earth was destroyed.     The retreat was Buddhist in form & content, with meditation, a "bell of mindful-    ness," silent walks, "Dharma talks," laughing, singing, hugging, and learning  about loving.

           [Thich Nhat Hahn Sayings]—We must take care of our pain. Some-    times we don't love it. We must let our pain nourish us// ... If there were no     impermanence, how could we grow up?// ... Breathe on anger. Don't al-    ways express it. Keep garbage; it can be transformed into a flower// ... War     comes    from the collective ... You are a light on the war-candle of the nation.     Healing    yourself is healing of the nation// ... You must find a practice to help     yourself through the pain ... Hug a tree for a month; you will get better//

             ... We [long searched for] what is wrong. Now look for what is right ...     Practice, create joy. ... Help your body's [immune system] & your group's body     by smiling, creating joy, [& offering] support, love, & understanding// ... The     best [community] is where people are recovering & are strong, healthy, joyful     enough to welcome other people// ... Remember, [cool, neglectful people at     home] knew nothing about the Vietnam war. You can understand & have com-    passion// ... [To Vietnam vets:] Your experience enables you to ... be an [awa-    kening,] new light on top of a new candle.

    In each group were Vietnamese people: monks; nuns; boat people; and  a naval officer. Americans asked forgiveness of the Vietnamese, who declared,  "There is nothing to forgive. We were part of that war also." [The vets experi-    enced the war as] fresh-faced 18 & 19 year-olds, ready to save a beleaguered  "little people" from Communism; they performed "unspeakable acts." Most     have been in 12-Step recovery programs and were ready to be among the first  vets willing to tell non-vets how war really is, while full of anger, grief, remorse,  and a fragile hope. There we were together, weeping for our lost innocence     and regaining it through the telling of our stories, and grieving over them. How  can we awaken Americans without another war catastrophe?

    People all over the world are studying Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome  (PTSD) among Vietnam vets & Holocaust survivors. [Concerns have grown to     include]: Hiroshima survivors; Gulf War victims & vets; Bosnian rape & torture     victims. Larry Decker, a Trauma Therapist, told me: "The main difference be-    tween Vietnam & other wars is Day of Expected Return from Overseas, which     was after 1 year for most service people (13 months for Marines). Nowhere [in     training] were they permitted continuity of comrades or bonding. As 'new peo-    ple' in Vietnam, they were shunned, avoided, & treated as exiles for 2 months,     after which they became 'one of the guys,' 6 months or less before discharge.  They  were often pulled out of a firefight to prepare for discharge."

    [Coming Home]—Arriving home, vets were exposed to "Sanctuary  Trauma." At home, they were hated, discriminated against, almost totally     unsupported. They were outcasts, exiled from their own people. They were     subjected to the double trauma of the brutality of war and of losing their hope  of sanctuary. The Department of Defense and the Veteran's Administration had  responses to the trauma that contradicted each other. Symptoms of PTSD     increased. Some benefit from newer forms of brief therapy. Others need long-    term care before they can be freed from their suffering. The trauma sufferer     must recover meaning to live a decent life. There is a trauma belief in arch-    individualism which destroys community and people in our society.

    Mass Trauma: The Holocaust—[The symptoms] of Western societal  violence according to Dr. Chellis Glendinning are as follows. There are abusive  behaviors which aren't natural to humans & which are the result of an unnatural  event. Unhealed trauma can lead to unconscious, aberrant, & abusive behavior.  Sometimes the cumulative trauma in human psyche can no longer be contained  (e.g. Spanish Inquisition; Nazi Germany's holocaust; nuclear annihilation at  Hiroshima & Nagasaki). Lesser excesses on an individual scale include mass     murders and parents disciplining their children with violence. Authors on child-    rearing carefully mask their emphasis on the importance of gaining control over  children & seek to prove the necessity of corporal punishment.

    I have long loved Israel, and [was impressed with their Kibbutz system in  the 60's]; it was a rare and refreshing spiritual, political and social experiment.  But even then, there was an undercurrent of distrust and dismay; Israelis were  occupying the Palestinian West Bank, and suffering resulted. In the '80's, the  conflict was in the open. Israel was heavily armed, frightened, defensive, and  persecuting Palestinians openly. What happened to Israel between the '60's  and the 80's to cause the nation and people to become so fearful and  aggressive?

    Dr. J. Bastiaans of Amsterdam writes about what he calls the Ka-tzet  syndrome: "The Ka-tzet syndrome is the expression of a chronic obstruction of  sound human relationships ... The victims aren't free from concentration camps  ... Behind their adaptation facade continues to live the child or adult of that time  in all fear, in all misery, in all powerlessness." London Quakers invited "torturers  & tortured" to meeting for worship. How do I put torturers on the same level  as the tortured? I read about the Holocaust syndrome, & Vietnam's PTSD.  Both are caused by terror & a catastrophic event "outside the range of normal  human experience."  Symptoms include: violence, depression, rage, numb  emotions, & horrifying flashbacks. Among Vietnam vets, there have been more  suicides than war fatalities.

    I journeyed back to the Middle East to interview those caring for camp  survivors. There is a new awareness of the lack of appropriate care at the time  of their liberation, and since then. Survivors experienced fear of both surfacing  memories, and the chance that "It would happen again"; a "siege mentality"     exists. In treating PTSD in Israeli soldiers, Dr. Hiam Dasberg encouraged sol-    diers to return to the front, to their "community." He believes there is no cure for  PTSD except the return to community and belonging.

    Dr. Dasberg & others wrote in a paper: "The [key realization within  trauma] is that rules which define reality aren't operational; the individual loses  capacity to function & collapses." Rabbi Yonasson writes: "On a conscious level  Israelis aren't purposely punishing Palestinians for the Holocaust ... Abused  people, when they come to power, abuse others because they do not have    healthy models for exercising power. Abuse is passed from generation to     generation. It is relatively easy to overthrow a government, but far harder to     oust internalized oppression which causes demonizing of others. The abuse   cycle is a set of totally irrational behaviors based on pain, fear, shame, guilt    & anger. The next generation of abused people is likely to abuse in turn, be-   cause children grew up knowing only humiliating military occupation where   war and violence seem  "normal."

    Jeffrey Jay extends PTSD to victims of severe child abuse, uncontrol-    lable rage, and violence. He writes: "Some great individuals, like Martin Luther  King, Elie Weisel, Thich Nhat Hahn, lived through brutalization and drew from it  visionary insights that moved whole populations to greater compassion for     human suffering." Alice Miller writes: "[If abused children do not] totally repress  the mistreatment, confusion & neglect they suffered, they would die. The once     life-saving function of repression, [continued into adulthood], can turn into a     dangerous, destructive, and self-destructive power [e.g. Hitler and Stalin] ... We  can and must make it impossible for such people to gain power over us in the  future ... by availing ourselves of the knowledge to make such a thing impossi-    ble ... [We must question denial of old wounds] as it exists within ourselves.

    One of the forerunners to creative exploration into peacemaking pos-    sibilities is Yehezkal Landau. He was director of the peace organization Oz  veShalom (Strength and Peace). He and his wife Dahlia now direct a West     Bank Center for reconciliation between Israeli and Palestinian teenagers. He     said: "The two oppressed peoples, the Palestinians and Israelis, one now     more powerful than the other are both wounded and misunderstood ... We     must abandon the mythical constructs of our innocence, [and then] prophe-    tically criticize abuses of poor and conscience ... People of peace [must] don     the priestly robes [and role], acknowledge the wounds we have inflicted, make  sacrifices, and ask others to join us ... to forgive ... and be forgiven."

    Some Views of Health—What does psychological and spiritual  "health" mean? What attributes make for a healthy person? Healthy people  are: not destructive or lethal; able to share; concerned for others' well-being,     even enemies; grateful for life. Healthy people have: hope; life purpose; a     perception of truth open to change through revelation. They don't: harbor     blame, resentment, or antipathy; deny any harm they have done or errors they  have made; permit themselves or others to be abused. Healthy people see      their own need for forgiveness, so they are ready to forgive. Healthy people       live lives of service to others.

    How do we help a society become healthy?      How can we help  other individuals move toward health?      How do we become healthy our   selves?      What do we do after we begin creating this healthier self?     Health takes spiritual and psychological discipline, and experiments with new     behaviors. I think creating our transformed, humanitarian selves is today's     great challenge, the new frontier. Doing our work with integrity, new attitudes,     new acts, new joy may attract others. 

    After we begin creating, we need to continue our daily disciplines all our  lives. Sabbaticals may be needed from active peace work, in order to prepare     our hearts to receive new gifts of truth, [and] even new ways of service. Our     vision may become clear, our hearing acute, our understanding & compassion     for the wounded, including ourselves, deep. Helping may become a cooperative  venture, & we may learn what is needed to make the world safe for people  so our nation's killing madness can stop. We might begin doing real work for &  with one another, & getting in touch with the life energy of ourselves and the  cosmos.

   No Conflict: No Reconciliation—Conflict, [with its possibility of misused  anger], can be either energizing or debilitating. How do we resolve conflict in  healthy ways?      How do we bring separated people together?       How  often do we stay with the painfully familiar instead of daring the unfami-    liar? We continue in uncomfortable denial, doggedly proceeding without reso-   lution, smothering feelings & being "nice." When disturbed by anger, we peace  people often refuse to acknowledge the conflict & try to appease. This choice  doesn't work. We may confront, but if we don't know & speak carefully to his/    her condition, reconciliation doesn't happen. I believe my 1st responsibility is     to seek to change myself, to deepen my understanding, to examine my mo-    tives. Sometimes a shift in my perception can accomplish the healing.

    If carefully telling the person what's going on with me doesn't resolve the  difficulties and anger, it's time for mediation. The mediator can make it possi-    ble for each to listen with less fear blocking communication. Without resolution,  the next step could involve a mediator meeting separately with conflicting par-    ties, interpreting each to the other. If there's still no resolution, they must sepa-    rate and work individually to forgive and understand the other and themselves.   Perhaps building a new US society instead of attacking the old might begin a     transformation. Perhaps we need to be the changes we want to see in others.     Attacking the powerful forces of death could lead to the warmakers' fear affec-    ting the peacemakers.

             Adam Curle sees 3 obstacles to peace: quiescence; revolution; conflict  of equals. We need to act from awareness of the good in others so that good      is expressed, and listen attentively with inner stillness and receptivity. Peace-    making's purpose is to liberate the victims and free the oppressors from the     degradation in which they are trapped. Peacemakers are on the side of all who  are trapped by war: civilians; soldiers; or political leaders. Belief in violence's    effectiveness in resolving problems is the peacemaker's only enemy.

    Protest & resistance can be preludes to reconciliation. Both these ways  may open to reconciliation; they may not. How do we soften the heart of our  opposition by protest & resistance? We must approach them with respect-    ful concern and an effort to see things from their point of view. Gandhi taught us  that it is ours to trust that we may have planted some seeds on fertile ground,  [even in our failures], but we don't know when, if ever, they will be harvested.  What gifts might we bring today to the Koreans, [Trump, terrorists foreign  & domestic, drug cartels, genocidal militarists], to show them the huma-    nity we wish they would show others? Perhaps understanding, respect for    divine potential, inviting a show of concern from them for the oppressed with    our own concern for them, or listening. [These gifts] are the substance of     reconciliation.

    Compassionate Listening—Compassionate Listening is a gift I believe  we can give everyone with whom we have differences, [dangerous or other-    wise]. At the heart of every violent act is an unhealed wound. I searched for     how peace people might heal these wounds caused by excessive violence. I   recognized that non-judgmental listening was a great healing process. I prac-   ticed it with family, friends, local conflicts, Soviets, Libyans, Palestinians, &     both pro-and anti-Palestinian Israelis. I joined with Adam Curle and Herb     Walters, both of whom were doing their own work in non-judgmental listening     in the Balkans, the American South, and with the Contras.

    In this listening, the listener seeks the truth & wounds of the person  questioned, behind any masks of hostility & fear. Listeners don't defend     themselves, but accept what others say as their perception. A Compassionate     Listening Team should be a prelude to other methods of nonviolence, such as     demonstrations or other witnesses. With Compassionate Listening, the listener  & the listened to can hear what they think, change their opinions and make     more informed decisions. I'm talking about discerning, listening with the spiritu-    al ear, not listening with a "human ear," not deciding who's right and who's     wrong and fixing it.

            By Compassionate Listening we may awaken the mystery, God, if it lies  sleeping and thus learn of the partial truth the other is carrying, for each of us  carries some portion of Truth. How can we make a place for an organization,  trusted by both sides, that could find the human face of the "enemy" and  carry that message to the other side? Herb Walters says: "Our job as peace   makers is not to take sides; it is to seek truth. It is to humanize rather than     dehumanize, to seek out the best in all sides," [to discover the divine possibili-    ties in every situation]," to "find in each person's life, sorrow & suffering enough  to disarm all hostility" [Longfellow].

            Forgiveness—All "our" wars, it seems, ended with us as victors feeling  justified, while the vanquished are forgotten or oppressed; [others are taking a     different path.] Some of the Vets who attended Thich Nhat Hahn's retreat [men-  tioned earlier], decided to go to Vietnam & acknowledge directly the harm they  had done, restoring with their own hands what they had destroyed; they then  asked forgiveness; each participating Vet has a new understanding of peace. 

             [What if we made pilgrimages to directly express our sorrow and  make amends to the long list of ethic groups & nations we have harmed     through racism, nuclear weapons, & militarism]? A small group of dedicated  people can make great changes. Mutual healing, understanding, & love—&     reconciliation—can spring up between strangers who were once enemies. Such  reconciliation might mean a healthier planet's [evolution] & a nobler human  race;  the way we respond to our suffering determines the future of the world. 
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322 Nonviolence and Community: Reflections on the Alternatives to 

        Violence Project (By Newton Garver & Eric Reitan; 1995)

       About the Authors—Newton Garver is a member of Buffalo Meeting &  teaches philosophy at SUNY at Buffalo. He became acquainted with Friends  at Swarthmore College. He has made contribution to Friends Journal & written  Pamphlet #250. He became active in Alternatives to Violence Project (AVP) in  1989. Eric Reitan has been a visiting Assistant philosophy professor at Paci-    fic Lutheran University, receiving his doctorate from SUNY at Buffalo.  He be-    came involved in AVP as a grad student and has been doing work-    shops in Washington State.

       Introduction—In 1975, inmates at Greenhaven prison asked some vi-   siting Quakers for help in preparing a program for teenagers; from their colla-   boration grew the AVP.  One central mission of AVP is to encourage and train -   people in the use of nonviolent conflict-resolution techniques. The main mis-    sion is to invite people to change themselves, so that they become AVP peo-   ple in their everyday lives. 

       The mission is advanced through workshops held in prisons, schools,     and other community settings.  The goals are to: cultivate a climate of affirma-    tion, openness, and self-worth; build a community among its participants;     teach participants how to overcome communication barriers set up by into-    lerance and thoughtlessness; teach basic approaches towards resolving con-    flicts.  Exercises include: affirmation; cooperation; self-exploration; trust-   building; confronting & accommodating differences; role-playing; and humor.

       PART ONE: The Practical Elements of an AVP workshop—Even  long-standing grudges can be transformed by the friendly atmosphere of the     workshop & a group can be kept together [for the workshop’s duration]. New     behavior can be learned after a few sessions, & a proud, quick-tempered,   vulnerable person can be transformed into someone confident & in control. 10    practical elements of an AVP workshop work together to create an experi-    ence of a safe & challenging community: Voluntarism; Teamwork; Ground     Rules; Transforming Power; Learning by Experience; Spiritual Focus; Pro-   gressive Focus; Cumulative Focus; Light and Livelies; Feedback.

       1. Voluntarism—AVP facilitators are volunteers; this has always been a  condition of AVP leadership. The essential requirement is that each facilitator  participates wholeheartedly, as a whole person. Voluntarism has added signi-    ficance in prisons; such institutions tend to enrich professionals at the expense  of the clientele.  Voluntarism on the participant’s part is equally important; a     person going through the motions [to satisfy some requirement] isn’t going to     learn much. Physical presence can be mandated; attention & understanding     cannot.

       2.  Teamwork—All AVP workshops are conducted by a team.  The main  reasons are that several different people are indispensable for perceiving and  responding to what is happening at various levels in a workshop, and that the  non-hierarchical cooperative leadership modeled by a team is an indispensable  component of the kind of community leadership skills taught by AVP. 

       Outstanding group-members [have the danger of] relegating everyone     but the star to being an audience, which isn't good for receiving affirmation,  making choices, or learning from experience. The training team generally con-    sists of 2-5 persons; inmates are always a part of the team. The “lead trainer”  proposes an agenda, schedules a team meeting before the workshop, conducts  planning meetings, & writes the report; trainers take turns at leading. Manuals  have been compiled on the basis of workshop experience; trainers can initiate  variations. 

       3.  Ground Rules—One of the 1^st things to happen in a workshop is     agreement on Ground Rules: no put-downs/ affirm yourself & others; confiden-    tiality/listen—don’t interrupt; right to pass/volunteer yourself only.  Confidentiality  includes not reporting on participants & asking them not to talk outside of work-   shop. Ground Rules set the tone in AVP workshops: non-critical, non-intellec-    tual, & non-confrontational.

       4.  Transforming Power—The concept of Transforming Power is “the  central philosophy of AVP.” It derives from Larry Appsey’s Transforming Power     for Peace.  [It has to do with hoping/trusting that appealing to the good in ano-    ther person can/will result in a positive outcome].  Transforming Power is     somewhat mystical as well as practical; it does not depend on means-ends     relations and comes with no guarantees.  When it works it transforms me, the     other person, and the situation.  Such power is very real and accessible to     everyone.  

       The founders of AVP wanted to avoid words like “God” & “love,” because  they sensed that many inmates would associate those words with repression &  denial. In Lincoln Nebraska, the cantor of a synagogue left [friendly] messages  on a Klu Klux Klan member’s answering machine after the member made  threatening messages to him. They eventually had dinner together, & when the  Klansman’s disability got worse, he moved into the cantor’s house, where he  died some months later. The human tragedy is that many of us seldom stretch  our inner powers, seldom risk creative alternatives, in the more ordinary chal-   lenges of living. Transforming Power is something that changes a threatening     situation into a neutral or friendly one. Nothing is more central to AVP than  giving people the skills & confidence that will enable them to have growing con-   fidence in this great resource.

       5.  Learning by Experience—Nonviolence does not consist of simply  not hitting people. We must define violence much more broadly to include psy-    chological & social violence as well as pugnacious & ideological attitudes with-    in its scope; it isn't just a kind of action but a pattern of behavior that includes     both actions & dispositions. Personal violence is often a pattern of behavior      whose history of reinforcement includes escape from or denial of reality. Lear-    ning nonviolence involves learning new patterns of behavior under conflict &     provocation. 

       “Ours is a process of seeking and sharing, not of teaching.  We do not  bring answers to the people we work with.  We do not have the answers.” AVP     Manual

       6. Spiritual Focus—The appeal to Transforming power is unabashedly  spiritual.  It focuses on the soul or character of the person and the well-being of  the group rather than maintaining the good order of society.  AVP [promotes]     behavioral alternatives to doing or accepting violence.  It emphasizes acknow-    ledging feelings, especially those of anger, rather than on repression.  We have  with us a spiritual core that opens us to Transforming Power.  AVP workshops     try to strengthen the capacity to express and respond to Transforming Power.

       7. Progressive Focus, Cumulative Process—An AVP workshop con-    sists of 6 to 9 sessions (22-25 hours) and is meant to develop more and more     trust among participants.  We start with Adjective Name Exercise.  The [often     humorous] names chosen in this exercise are then used throughout the work-    shop.  The facilitator sets the pattern with an affirming alliterative adjective     name.  It is important to distinguish and separate the various skills that nonvio-    lence requires—affirmation, good will, trust, careful listening, communication,     cooperation, gentle humor, conflict resolution etc.; it is equally important to  integrate them and make use of them as a package.

       8-10. Light and Livelies/Varied Pace/Feedback—These are quick ex-    ercises used to lighten the mood or quicken the tempo of the work-shop.  The     point is to make use of play and laughter to bind the participants closer together  into community.  Each AVP workshop session has its own agenda; there is ten-   sion between sticking to the agenda and following the lead of the moment.   There is no magic formula for resolving such tension.  Space needs to be made  for what gets cut off (e.g. a sheet for unanswered questions is posted).  Feed-    back is crucial for experiential learning.  Even if the facilitators learn nothing  about what needs to be done or redone, a time for evaluation give participants  a chance to consider what their experience has been and to practice commu-    nication skills in doing so.  For a workshop to succeed, it must be a safe place  to get deeply involved or to share or express feelings.  AVP facilitators regularly  process exercises and debrief participants in role plays. 

       Experience of a Safe and Challenging Community—An AVP work-    shop is removed from the hurly-burly of winning and losing, of achieving and     failing, of getting and spending.  Even in a [workshop’s] temporary environment  a genuine experience of community is possible; the community can be exten-    ded beyond the workshop.  It is important for nonviolence that the community     be open and accessible to all rather than restrictive.  In the most successful     cases the experience projects itself beyond the immediate circumstances. 

            Nothing deserves the name of community if it fails to provide support [&  challenge] for its members; [that is a goal] from the very outset. AVP encoura-    ges talking that creates interactions with others in unfamiliar ways; it sets up a     new pattern of interaction for the participants. The interactions not only consti-    tute a step toward community, but also reveal something about the other per-    son & oneself. Alternatives to violence are patterns of action which grow out of  & which in turn nurture the human interaction that define such a safe, challen-    ging community.  

      PART TWO: Metaphysical and Ethical Presuppositions of AVP—AVP  assumes a world-view different from world-views prevailing in US society at     large.  The Manual states:  “Ours is a process of seeking and sharing, not of     teaching.  We don't bring answers to the people we work with.  We don't have     the answers.”  2 pre-suppositions are essential to this underlying world view.      1^st, AVP’s mission is grounded in an ethic of community; 2^nd, Transforming     Power is the resource by which this community is cultivated. 

       What Community is—The Manual states: People need community.     They need to know that the community is safe for them, so that they will be     free to risk change. This requires cooperation, respect & caring from its mem-    bers for it & for each other, & nonviolent ways of challenging & turning around     those who abuse it. “Community” is a condition between people, characterized    by a set of attitudes & by strategies of interaction. When one works together     with others in solving problems, one develops a sense of belonging as well      as caring & respect.   

       Where frequent personal interaction is lacking, we tend toward formal or  rule-governed interactions, ones that are subject to a society ethic rather than a  community ethic. Violence within community is dealt with by mercy, forgiveness,  and reintegration. Violence between communities is dealt with by mediation,     compromise, even violence. Criminals within a society are typically deemed to  have somehow forfeited full membership in the “community.” 

       A close community is not free of conflict, and should not be.  The point is  that it addresses conflict constructively rather than destructively, with respect of  one member for another.  When conflicts arise, they are addressed by exami-    ning needs and interests which underlie conflicting aims & then seeking cour-    ses of action which satisfy as far as possible the most important needs and  interests of all disputing parties.  Effective communication among group mem-    bers is an essential part of community. 

       A fundamental presupposition of AVP is that the basic needs and inte-    rests of persons are best met in cooperative environments.  When the members  of a group aim at the satisfaction of needs and interests, these aims are rarely     if ever completely incompatible.  What holds an AVP community together must    be something within individual members rather than something imposed on   them from without.  This spirit within persons is something that is both com-    munal and individual.  

       The computer simulation “Prisoner’s Dilemma” is a variable-sum game  where a cooperative contestant can achieve the highest overall score without    ever getting a higher score than the immediate antagonist.  Community in the     moral sense is a dynamic state characterized by a group of persons who  consider the needs and interests of each member of the group to be of value,  who act so as not to compromise the needs and interests of others, who refrain  from coercion, who seek creative and generally cooperative ways of satisfying  the underlying needs and interest of a conflict.    

       “There is in the universe a power that is able to transform hostility and  destruction into cooperation and community, and to do justice among us …     tuning into it enables us and opponents to realize our birthright of peace and  dignity.”  AVP policy statement

       The moral sense of the word “community” in which it refers to a certain  dynamic state or condition rather than a certain collection of people, obviously     differs from other common senses of the word.  [In groups which we call     “community” in the common sense of the word, the moral] state of community     is often undeveloped or completely nonexistent. An AVP workshop tries to     create a temporary actual, [moral] community.  Does violence ever really     work?  Since violence destabilizes human affairs, its success is only tempo-    rary, and it never succeeds in promoting community between the victim of  violence and the perpetrator. 

       The Kind of Commitment to Community Required by the Ethic of  Community—AVP seems grounded in an ethic, a moral perspective which     requires commitment to a certain kind of community.  What kind of commit-    ment to community is required?      [What need is there for an ethic] re-    quiring this sort of commitment?  Most of us have some sort of commit-    ment to community.  Violence might be acceptable if [community began and     ended with those around us, or if it included only those “like us” in some  fashion].

       AVP’s presupposition has the theme that praiseworthy acts have culti-    vation & preservation of community as their end; blameworthy acts have dis-    ruption or thwarting of community as their end. An “end” can be inherent or   purposive. Inherent end is what is immediately caused by the act; purposive     end is what you expect will occur & which is the ultimate purpose for which     you act. If the cultivation & preservation of community were the ultimate pur-    pose of praiseworthy acts, but not necessarily the inherent end of such acts, I    would be called upon to do what was necessary to achieve the ultimate result   of maximal community. While the creation of community can't be the imme-   diate effect of your acts alone, the thwarting of community can be an imme-    diate effect of your acts. 

      Community can be your acts' inherent end when: 1) it makes commu-    nity possible and does not thwart it; and 2) your act is designed to encourage     others to do their part in cultivating community.  The ethic underlying AVP does  not condone any act that violates the strategies of community.   Beyond not     doing evil, you are called upon to strive to reach out to others so as to encou-    rage them to participate in community as well. 

       The “AVP Mandala” is made up of 3 concentric circles, with the outer 2  divided into sections.  The core circle is “Transforming Power”; the next circle is  divided in half between “Respect for Self” & “Caring for Others; the 3^rd circle is  divided into thirds between “Expect the Best,” “Think Before Reacting,” and  “Look for a Nonviolent Path.  When action in accordance with the strategies of  community is informed by Transforming Power, such action will not only have  community as its inherent end, but will serve to maximize community. 

       2 metaphysical presuppositions undergird the ethic of community in-    formed by Transforming Power. AVP philosophy states: “We believe that only  when the birthright of dignity, self-respect, & self-actualization is made real for     all of us will we have a just & peaceful world … Every person has value simply    by being a person, & this value grounds the [birth] right of every person.” It is     useful to think of metaphysical presuppositions as even more basic than an     ethical one.  To act out of respect for [the birthright of others] amounts to fol-    lowing the strategies of community.  Community is a context uniquely suited to   a life of dignity, self-respect, and self-actualization.    

       Transforming Power: The Resource for Cultivating and Maintaining  Community—Cultivating community with another person consists in seeking to  develop with that person the dynamic condition we outlined above. [By respec-    ting another’s birthright I respect my own].  The value of every person demands  that I pursue a community that never excludes anyone.  AVP’s philosophy     statement asserts:  “There is in the universe a power that is able to transform     hostility and destruction into cooperation & community, & to do justice among      us … tuning into it enables us and opponents to realize our birthright of peace     and dignity.”  Its role in conflict is as a spiritual force that can work through us, if  we follow strategies that open up the conflict to its influence.  Hostile and con-    flicting parties are moved to put aside their enmity. 

       Barriers to community exist both within ourselves and in others, and the  disciplines associated with Transforming Power are guides for breaking down     these barriers.  Anyone who sees you according to some pre-determined     stereotype or category [i.e. hostile], will interpret all your actions in the light of     that stereotype.  [Since offering community] does not fit the person’s stereo-    typed picture of you, your overtures are apt to be taken as dishonest.  Seeking  to forge some kind of human contact or relationship is important for attaining  this end. 

       Persons who have a limited perception of their own capacities may not  be able to enter into community with others.  By asking for somebody’s help,     you give that person the opportunity to have an impact in a way that promotes   community instead of thwarting it.  The ethic underlying AVP is committed to   cultivating community with all those with whom one interacts in the course of     ordinary human living.  Acting in such a way will further the possibility of achie-   ving the dynamic condition of community [and   the birthright of all persons].

       Nonviolence consists partly of patterns of behavior & habits of response;  it is an affair of the spirit, and requires a spirit that comes from within.  The best  that can be done is to teach some skills that nonviolence requires, to devise &    organize experiences in which its spirit is more likely than not to be communi-     cated and strengthened.  While we fear the violence of others, we often ratio-   nalize our own violence, [saying] there is no alternative.  In such a world one      main task of Friends [and AVP] is to teach the alternatives.  Alternatives to   violence are as real and as vital as force and coercion.  AVP is a resource not      only for understanding the nature of violence and its realistic alternatives but    also for discovering or rediscovering the spirit of hope and community which      lies at the heart of a nonviolent way of life.

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323. An Experiment in Faith: Quaker Women Transcending 

   Differences (by Margery Post Abbott; 1995)

       About the Author—Margery Post Abbott was the Northern Pacific     Yearly Meeting (YM) Outreach Committee's 1st clerk, & worked to strengthen     widely scattered small meetings stretched across WA, OR, ID, & MT. She      helped develop 3 publications offering guidelines for visitors & visited, worship   groups, & small meetings. This pamphlet is an outgrowth of her meetings and      friendships with Evangelical Friends in the Pacific Northwest.

    [Introduction]—I have come to terms with a fuller understanding of  Quaker faith & practice in a worship group of Evangelical & Liberal women.  God's presence has opened me to unexpected depths in my own faith. The     worship group's years of regular meetings have brought us to a point of  real    friendship & trust. It forces me to confront my prejudices about Evangelicals.     I affirm anew the centrality of prayer, stillness in worship, calls to action in the     world, & communicating how I have come to know God & the paradoxes I find   there. George Fox's "experimental" knowledge of God in the 17^th century     spoke of the practical experience of religion. Today the same word conveys      ideas of testing our faith through failures and successes like this unlikely     group of women.

    THE WOMEN'S GROUP—In 1985, one Evangelical & one Liberal wo-    man formed a friendship as they traveled together and shared their experiences  at various Quaker gatherings. They brought together several of us from Mult-   nomah Monthly Meeting (MM) and Reedwood Friends Church, originally to     encourage each other in our individual ministries & leadership roles within the     Society of Friends. For close to 10 years, the "Multwood Group" of 8 to 10     women has met to discuss readings and provide spiritual support. Northwest      YM (Evan.) & North Pacific YM (Liberal) are at opposite extremes of Friends'     traditions in the US, and are both isolated geographically and organization-     ally from the Quaker majority in this country.

       In the Multwood Group the distinction among Friends have acquired  individual faces; our [growing] understanding has been direct and personal    personal.  One from each YM has been drawn to the other tradition. Others are  suspended between the 2 traditions. All are seeking a fresh voice within the     Society of Friends; all are learning new ways to act out our faith. The Group     has used a book focus, worship sharing, or a focus of concern in their format     over the years. Evangelicals still struggle with women's roles in Northwest YM.  In North Pacific YM, the struggle is more the balancing of [meeting service,     personal life, and being true to ones self.] Both groups seek to recognize the     feminine qualities of God. Willingness to listen is a critical aspect of our     experiments.

    MAKING CONNECTIONS—Several in the Multwood Group worked to-  gether on Friends World Committee for Consultation projects for years before  meeting to explore spiritual journeys; we were quite tentative to begin with,     checking out prayer & worship traditions & language [with the "other" tradition].  We needed to learn trust before we could speak easily of what others would  see as alien or painful belief & actions. 

    All of us have gradually taken on new language. "Leadership role," "ex-    ternal responsibility," & "formal position" later came to be spoken of as "mini-    stry," a process of discerning God's leadings for us. The similarity & individu-     ality of spiritual lives becomes evident as we opened up. An Evangelical Friend  & I shared an interior wall image that was cutting off part of ourselves from the     Light; I chose a window to let in the Light, while she found doors in the wall and  flung them open. [I then had the sense that] we were accompanying one ano-    ther on our spiritual journeys.

    ENCOUNTERING EVANGELICAL QUAKERS—After 20 years of igno-   ring Christianity, I have come to know that the vivid workings of God in me are  the inward teaching of Christ. I am pushed hard [to learn of] the reality of Jesus'  divinity. I grew up in Philadelphia meeting with unprogrammed worship; I as-    sumed that no musical instruments was permitted and that "hireling ministers"     were against the basic tenets of Friends' practice. I was rather naive about the  changes in, and the spectrum of Friends' worship and theology. The Multno-    mah  Meeting was the only unprogrammed meeting in Portland, OR's long list  of Quaker churches.

    I encountered at the 5^th World Conference of Friends in Kenya the full     range of world Quakerism, [which helped] me understand the Friends churches  near where I lived. In Kenya, I experienced the energy of worship there on 4     occasions. The Conference generated [Liberal and Evangelical queries of the     "other tradition"]:

 Evangelical Queries Liberal Queries

How can you know someone is worshiping if they aren't singing and 

    praising God? 

How can you expect people to stay awake for an hour of silence? 

You mean you don't believe in Christ?

How do you learn of God if you don't read the Bible [and talk about  

    your belief in God]?

    Liberal Queries

How can you listen for the word of God, if someone is always talking?

How can you find what God wants for you if someone's telling you what

    to believe?

You mean you actually believe in "Hell?"

    These questions suggest the challenge of us participating in a 1 body or  falling under 1 name. I'm pushed [into exploring] the roots of my faith, finding    my own voice for [vocal ministry] & seeking what is essential to being a Friend.  How does "worshiping in spirit & in truth" link [the variety of] Friends     together today?

    VOCAL PRAYER—Prayer is between me & God, unspoken & intimate,    & [mostly not to be a shared experience]. Resistance from several in the group  has made prayer uncomfortable for the whole group. I shared disliking worship  sharing with some of my Evangelical Friends. We set aside an evening for tal-    king about prayer & joining in vocal prayer, some verbally, some silently. Christ  Jesus was present in a prayer & ["laying on of hands"] for facing the coming  death of someone's husband, for those of both traditions. 

    The rapid pace the Evangelical women practiced left no space for si-    lence, our own words, or for holding another before the Inward Light; I couldn't  trust the process. One woman said she uses spoken prayer to be pulled into  awareness of God's presence. As the prayer group becomes centered, prayers  take on a life of their own; they build on each other. In the strongest prayer ex-   periences, only the healing's depth & the strength of being uplifted is remem-    bered, not the words. In this, the words take on the character of a gathered  meeting, a sort of communal mysticism. [I can't get into the rhythm & pace     Evangelical women use in prayer, but I am beginning to comprehend the expe-   rience].

       WORSHIP/ VOCAL MINISTRY—I love silence that creates space for  encounter with God in silent worship; Evangelicals desire song, prayer, &  challenging message. Sometimes I go over the week's needs, for friends, or a     problem's solution. Other times I'm drawn into awareness of Presence, instruc-    tion, or prayer. I seek to hear the Spirit spoken during worship; words not for     me find their own place. In Kenya, 1991, I felt a new depth in preaching &     song & became aware of a melding of words & silence. The language "barri-    er" took me outside preconceived notions about preaching's & programming's     limitations, & allowed me to worship with these people.

    Evangelical Friends' concepts of individual ministry & service, & "relea-    sing" of individuals for paid service in speaking ministry & pastoral duties  bumps up against my understanding of "hireling ministry" as antithetical to     Friends. What is true to Quaker practice in Evangelical Churches is the time of  expectant waiting, anywhere from a few minutes to a ½-hour, in which anyone  may share vocal ministry. The demand for regular preparation for a certain     Evangelical woman pastor is a challenge. to keep alive to Christ's touch in the    people she meets & in daily life's rhythm of; messages come from unexpec-    ted places. She creates a form for the message's spirit that speaks to others;   God's work is as direct in sermon preparation as it is in an hour of silent      worship.

    There are times when a pastor or sermon-giver recognized a prepared  message as inappropriate & either spoke afresh, or invited the meeting to wor-    ship in silence. For me, daily meditation, or prayer nourishes me, leads me to     the center that is in God. Potential messages arise & are held until they find a     place in spoken words or the printed page. As I sought guidance I came to     know new richness in worship & found a greater patience as clerk of the mee-    ting to listen to the conduct of business through a difficult issue. I am chal-    lenged to acknowledge that preparation can be part of a more intentional     practice as long as the speaker is faithful to the Holy Spirit.

       ACTING OUT OUR FAITH/ WHOLENESS —The Evangelical Board of     Missions spends 40% of the Northwest YM budget; and encourages faithful-    ness in "heeding Christ's command to make disciples of all peoples." Elton     Trueblood writes: "Mission has intrinsic value because it combines worship &    ministry, evangelism and work." Near the Lugulu Hospital in Kenya, Quaker     villages typically had no excessive drinking, no domestic violence; they had     opportunities for formal education and much more. 

       Starting in the 19^th century, the fervor of Evangelical revival led to mis-    sion work throughout the world. I haven't the knowledge to sort out the pres-    sures of economic and cultural "imperialism" from the benefits of a Euro-Ame-    rican education & work ethic and a way of living out of faith in God that gives     people a means of finding their way through these changes.

       Being a Friend has meant to me "living in the life & power which takes  away the occasion for war," rather than a specific system defining God or Jesus'  Divinity. Public declaration of faith & bringing people to the same beliefs is alien  to me. Each of us has to discover the workings of God in our life. We come to  know something of God in one another through individual loving acts guided by  God; the words we use are not the deciding factor.

    Evangelical women brought me to the 1st International Wesleyan-Holi-    ness Women Clergy Conference. The Holiness Conference was full of energy  from passionate sermons and prayers, and often hard for me to comprehend     as related to Quakerism. "Wholeness is ... living in God's will ... obedient to     the Light Within ... regular meditation & worship ... listening to the Inward Tea-    cher ... full use of gifts given us daily ... acting out the love from God by loving     those around us ... deep joy there for us in God through ... pain as well as     happiness. Seeing holy potential in our brokenness, coming to a harmonious      place in the world about us is common to all Friends.

   SHARING ABOUT BELIEFS—I took up an Evangelical challenge to re-    spond to questions about original sin, the trinity, and other points of doctrine.     This exercise helped me know myself and deepened the trust and comprehen-    sion between Evangelical Friends and I. Times of prayer, worship out of the     stillness, finding ways to speak as I am led, calls to action, and a desire for     wholeness are integral to my faith. My beliefs are full of paradoxes. The ways     of God are found in Jesus' parables, the Tao Te Ching, Judaism's proverbs,     Zen Buddhism's koans, and all the world's transformation and compassion      stories. There is an ocean of darkness and the ocean of light and love that     flows over it.

    Evangelical Friends ask: How can Liberal meetings call themselves  Quakers without accepting the basic beliefs of early Friends?      [I ask:  How can Evangelical Friends call themselves Quakers while they have     "steeple-houses," "hireling ministers," prepared music, and prepared     "empty rituals?]" I am not unusual in finding an internal "stop" that inhibits my  speaking of Christ. Creeds do not fit my knowledge of the power and dynamic  nature of the Inward Christ. Having no "correct belief" allows many of us to be  found by and to find God in surprising ways. We go back and forth on these     questions and are challenged to explore the unquestioned assumptions in our     own faith and practice.

    The scarcity of Evangelical Friend pastors, and meetings without a sig-   nificant Quaker base makes them at times indistinguishable from other evan-   gelical churches. Waiting on the Lord in worship, in business, or individual     action can be lost in the fervor of the Christian message and in seeking con-    verts. It is easy to complain that the Liberal meeting for worship too often    becomes meeting for counseling or discussion of social concern. [How    does one speak concerns for others and the world in a worshipful,   "waiting-on-the-Lord"  way?      What is the Lord calling on you to say?

    [On my journey], I have learned something of proclaiming what I know of  God, [in order to] convey the strength, joy, & pain that comes of transformation.  I believe that "Christ is the way"; the way is there in multiple faiths, even in     faiths which do not recognize Christ; it is possible to sense God without a     common language. In opening me to tremendous possibilities, God working     within has seared and forced me to recognize the strength of old patterns     which drive me away from the leadings of God. I have shifted from valuing     only concrete actions to openly recognizing my reliance on God's leadings.

    Enough diversity can be a positive force, by snapping open our own  resistance and leaving cracks for God to enter; too much can overwhelm and     numb one. Diverse groups require hard work, expectant waiting without [ex-   pecting specific results], and periods of personal and group discomfort & faith     to wait as long as necessary through "dry" periods. Only acknowledging au-    thentic work of God in all those of faith can bring constructive seeking of com-   mon ground.

       How can we approach one another without expectations, waiting     patiently on the Holy Spirit?            How can we accept the limitless,     surprising ways God can work in the world?       How can we speak our     own experience with integrity & honor authenticity in another's experi-    ence?       How can we be present to one another despite differing beliefs,  language, or culture?       How can we be open as long as it takes for the  group to find its own God-center?       How can we listen with open heart  and be vulnerable to being changed as we change others?
            [There is an essential message of Friends to be relearned with the depth  and passion of Fox and Fell]. What links Evangelical and Liberal as Friends is:  Belief in direct experience of God or Christ without mediation of priest or book;  Every-day Faith at the center of our lives; Affirmation of and inclusion in the     world by the Spirit; A ministry linked to the transforming work of God within each  of us; Belief in the equal role of men and women in ministry; Willingness to lis-    ten for God within each individual; Faith that the entire meeting may discern      God's will as individuals seek the Truth; Living in the "virtue of that life & power    which takes away the occasion for war; The inner, spiritual nature of the  sacraments.

      Coming to stand with each other and speak with each other before God,  the Eternal Listener, is essential. This experiment can only work if each partici-    pants approaches it with an open heart, recognizing the hunger in each of us to  know God.
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324. Traveling In (by Douglas V. Steere; 1995)

       About the Author—Douglas Steere (1901-1995) was a Quaker scholar  of philosophy at Haverford College from 1928 to 1963. He served as a repre-    sentative to Vatican II and as co-founder of the Ecumenical Institute of Spiritu-   ality. His vision and faith helped establish Pendle Hill and Radnor Meeting in    the 1930's. Douglas gave his heart and soul to many through his writings, lec-    tures, and retreats he led with his wife, Dorothy. Acknowledgement—We give  thanks to for the gentle outpouring of love through Douglas and Dorothy. Their  witness & devotion serve as beacons of light to guide Pendle Hill's striving to     be a center for contemplation and study.

    [Introduction]—I am having to read what I want to say to you. At my     age this seems to be necessary. I am going to speak about "traveling in" and     about my own personal journey. My early religious experience was typical of      that of many young Protestants. At 14 I was deeply moved by a young evan-    gelist and joined the Methodist Church; I transferred to a Presbyterian Church   to save a mile of walking.  Finally, I went to an Evangelical and Reformed   Church to play my slide trombone in their Sunday School orchestra.

    I studied agriculture with a potato specialty at what is now Michigan  State University. My 3rd year I decided to take a year off. I taught at a high     school and joined the county agriculture agent at night in trips to remote parts      of the county. I got the growing sense that this was not the work I was put on     earth for. I went to Harvard to study philosophy. Instead of giving a longed-for      frame for my faith and experience, my study of philosophy at Harvard wiped  out what little faith I had. 

    I wished that I could have a decisive [conversion] experience such as a  fellow student had, but it has never come to me. I participated with a silent     prayer group; it was at noonday sessions of silence that I began to pray again.  The renewal that came to me through silent prayer, and the sense of God's     guidance grew as I tried to be faithful to what came during these [sessions] of     prayer.

    [Pursuing Philosophy: Study and Quakerism/ German Spirituality    At 2 in the morning, I knelt in prayer and asked for guidance, whether I should     take examinations to pursue philosophy. I was led to go into each of the 4 ex-    aminations with a quiet mind, write what I could and accept the outcome.     Some weeks later, I was notified that I had passed the comprehensives and     needed to choose an acceptable thesis & take language tests to fulfill require-    ments for the doctorate program.

       At Oxford I met a Quaker doctor named Henry Gillet; he became and  remained a friend for the rest of his life. With an Oxford reading group I en-    countered a silent Quaker meeting; for the 1st time I felt the power of Christ's     indwelling spirit & experienced a "gathered" or "covered" meeting. Dr. Gillet     set up a meeting with Rufus Jones at Haverford College, from which I became  Jones' junior colleague & taught philosophy at Haverford for the rest of my     professional life. I decided to write a doctoral thesis on the Catholic Baron von     Hügel's writings.

    I came to know Evelyn Underhill, an Anglican under Von Hügel's spiritual  direction. She writes: "[In the breast of every person] ordinary contemplation is  open to all men & women. Without it they aren't wholly conscious or alive... The   spring of the amazing energy which enables the great mystic to rise to freedom  and dominate his world is extant in all of us, an integral part of our humanity."     She had not had the major experiences that marked the great mystics, but she   did have a "slowing down." She wrote and led many retreats in an ancient re-     treat house in Pleshey, Essex during the closing 15 years of her life.

    I came to Haverford College in 1928 not as one dramatically trans-    formed, but rather as one who knew something about what a contemporary     Quaker, Elizabeth Vining, calls "minor ecstasies." I hope that my life is one that  goes on experiencing a continuous conversion. I married Dorothy Steere in     1929, and we then non-Quakers were included with a little group of Quakers     who in 1930 established Pendle Hill (PH).

    I found in Doctor Henry T. Hodgkin, a British Quaker doctor who spent     25 years in China, & PH's 1st director, the greatest Christian I had ever come     to know intimately. Each morning Henry spent an hour divided between the   silent time of inward listening & prayer, reading some devotional classic, &     writing in a daybook the insights & concerns that had come to him. The social     concern we acted on through the American Friends Service Committee (AFSC)   was feeding children in western Pennsylvania's & West Virginia's mining region.

    Early on, Dorothy and I were reluctant to join the Quakers, until we read  John Woolman's Journal, where we found someone who lived in the world as     we did, who supported his family and his journey by his own labor as we meant  to do, and someone in whom the Inner Guide had brought together and laid     upon him both inward tendering and a concern for his fellows that he fully car-    ried out in his life. We agreed that the time had come for us to throw in our lot     with the Quakers. During the 1960's, we attended 3 sessions of Vatican Coun-    cil & with Father Godfrey Diekmann founded the Ecumenical Institute of Spi-    rituality, for Protestant and Catholic scholars.

       I met Dr. Maria Schlüter-Hermkes in 1931, & she encouraged me to     come to Germany to explore the world of German Roman Catholic spirituality.     In due time I was taken to meet the famous Abbot Herwegen of the Benedic-    tine Maria Laach monastery. The Abbot saw salvation in being part of a family    or a community & not by any private nurturing. He sent me as a companion &     spiritual guide Father Damasus Winzen, a young monk near my own age.      Father Damasus was to become one of the most beloved friends of my life.    He later came to the US to see where Maria Laach might be lodged should    the Nazis drive them out of Germany; he stayed here. 

       At the end of his life he said: "I see quite clearly that I owe my present     inner happiness, my peace, my confidence & my joy ... [to being] certain that     I am infinitely loved by God." Through Maria Schlüter-Hermkes, I met some of     the great German spirits in the Roman Catholic Community in 1933-34: Alois     Zempf; Theodore Hecker; Dr. Scheinung; Joseph Bernhardt; and Romano     Guardini; I had evenings with the last one mentioned in his home.

    [Writing Books on Prayer & How to Pray]—An old lady in Solebury,     PA gave me board & room weekends & the use of a table in an ancient wood-    shed. There I wrote Prayer & Worship in 1937. Under the title Dimensions of     Prayer I enlarged the 1st book in 1962. I am sympathetic with using medita-    tion practices that still the mind & relax the body; they are "vestibule exercises.    " It makes a difference if I enter it in awareness that I am besieged by and im-    mersed in love that is without qualification, instead of immediately projecting      prayer. 

    Meister Eckhart says, "God is foolishly in love with me. He seems to     have forgotten heaven & earth & deity. His entire business is with me alone, to  give me everything to comfort me, ... suddenly ... wholly ... perfectly ... to all     creatures ... Why are you not aware of [God's giving]? Because you aren't at  home in the soul's inmost center." Bernard of Clairvaux says, "You will always  be rash if you attribute any priority or any predominant share to yourself. For  [God] loves both more than you & before you love at all."

    It makes a difference to enter prayer with a deep consciousness of the  divine initiative. It continues during prayer & undergirds my very life when I turn  from conscious prayer to other daily tasks. That love has been laid over the     world for its healing long before I came; I simply enter into the ongoing stream.  [In this stream] there is: adoration & thankfulness; contrition & yielding; petition  & intercession; & [especially] listening for the biddings that are laid upon us by  the Inward Guide.  Paul Claudel says, "All prayer is simply thankfulness that  God is."

    [Meeting for Worship]—[I must say something about meeting for wor-    ship to] explain the Quaker union of God's guiding hand in our lives & the "holy  nudges" & concerns laid on us for services beyond meeting doors. [Vocal mini-    stry is always a possibility], although it is common for the hour to pass in com-    plete silence. It has given me specific things to be done & the strength to do     them ... or rimless concerns that are kept before me until they come to some     degree of clarity ... 

    It has changed my mind when I didn't mean to change. It has firmed me  up when I might have yielded ... It has scarified me & broken down the hull of     my life & shown me how I might live ... It isn't what I give that makes me suffer,  but what I hold back. My mind has wandered like a hummingbird on holiday     ... & I have felt moments of intensity and concentration and awareness of what    life could be like."

    Donald Court says, "There are times to reach down to a level where I     can ... be taught how to respond instead of to react, how to open the road to a    spirit blocked by busyness, self-importance, ... self-pity, & depression." Occa-    sionally in meeting for worship, we seem to be taken beyond ourselves & in-    stead of praying, once in a while we were to be prayed in. The London Rus-    sian Orthodox Archbishop Anthony Bloom describes these moments where    effortful prayer is meant to stop & where the gift of the effortless sense of the    Presence appears.

   Bloom instructed an old lady who had never perceived God's presence to  tidy up her room & then: "look around & try to see where you live because I am  sure ... it's a long time since you have really seen your room. Then take your  knitting & for 15 minutes knit before God's face ... without saying any prayer ...  just knit & try to enjoy the peace of your room." The response he later got was:  "I began to knit & I became more & more aware of the silence. Needles hit the  arm of the chair & the clock was ticking peacefully, & there was nothing to bo-    ther about ... The silence around began to come & meet the silence in me & all  of a sudden I perceived that the silence was a presence & at the heart of the     silence there was one who is all stillness & all peace & all parts."

       [Attentiveness and Obedience]—William James says: "All about our     working consciousness, parted from it by filaments of screens, there lie poten-    tial forms of consciousness entirely different ... If the doors of perception were     cleansed, everything would appear to man as it is—infinite." Along with the gift  of presence there seems to come, now to this person & now to that, "holy nud-    ges"—tasks & concerns that need to be undertaken. Corporate meeting for     worship is of special importance in initiating & in dealing with them. 

       Since a shunned or neglected task forces God to adjust God's strategy,  my response may have cosmic consequences. Thomas Mann said: Religious-    ness is attentiveness & obedience." Unless attentiveness is linked to obedi-    ence, a deeper bond is missing. Adrian von Spier writes: "Once open to the    light one may ask God to claim one more essentially & profoundly, ... on con-    dition that one doesn't refuse the 1st small act that God demands of one."

    3 strong voices from the 17^th century underline both the guides laying on  us specific things to be done as well as the promptness required in carrying out  these inward directions.

    Francois de Sales: Devotion is the promptitude, fervor, affection, and     agility which we show in the service of God, [who] requires a faithful fulfillment     of the merest trifle given us ... rather than ... ardent aspiration to things to     which we are not called.

    Isaac Penington: There is that near you which will guide. Wait for it and  be sure to keep to it.

    Augustine Baker: Mind your call. That's all in all.

    [My example of answering a call to service is that of] Emma Noble, wife    of a foreman in Oxford's locomotive works. In the 1920's, South Wales coal     mining areas had appalling unemployment and misery. [In meeting for worship  she felt called to] visit this area and see if there was anything Quakers could     do. A clearness committee saw "right ordering" in her concern.  The 1st valley     seemed to have no opening for Quaker ministries. She didn't feel released to     return. In the course of some days in Rhonda Valley a way began to open.     The Nobles were released for what turned out be some years of service and a   long-term program of work. It grew to involve members of Parliament, a royal     visit, and a program of legislation.

    Jesus promised those who would follow his leading 3 things.  They  would be absurdly happy, entirely fearless, & always in trouble. The one to     whom the concern has come may often be quite unready to carry it out until      he or she has been changed & reshaped in ways that call for greater flexibili-    ty & openness. Even the community supporting the concern may have to     make painful changes. 

    Some Friends have learned to wait to see how the concern, & his mo-    tives for that concern, look the next day or the next week. They know enough     to allow one's detective agency to examine all aspects of one's concern, [& to      submit it to the scrutiny of others]. How centered & flexible are the spirits     of people involved in the concern? If an embarassing waiting, or the pro-    spect of it, succeeds in dissolving away the concern, it rootlessness has been     exposed & it withers away & can be buried.

   Transformative Effect of "Failed Concerns"—Sometimes "failed con-    cerns" emerge some years later in a different form that, in the end, actually    carried out the original leading in an amazing fashion. My wife and I sought a     suitable place for a modest Quaker ashram with Gurdial Malik, where Christian  and other great world religions could be invited to live together for a season and  hopefully to irradiate each other with the rich experiences of their different tra-   dition. Our search failed.

    In 1967, 2 residential seminars came into being—one of 5 days in Japan  and the other of 7 days in India. In both places 10 carefully chosen Christians     were matched with 10 Zen Masters in Japan and 10 outstanding Hindus and     scholars in India. The Japanese colloquium has held its 18^th annual meeting     for some 3 days in Kyoto. A book appeared in 1977, called A Zen Christian Pil-    grimage. There's still no physically established Quaker ashram in either country.  As in the unforeseen unfolding of so many concerns, the waiting or the drastic   reshaping or even the deferment to a future generation does not invalidate the  significance of these leadings.

    Harold Loukes writes: "An act of love that fails is just as much a part of  the divine life as an act of love that succeeds. Love is measured by its fullness  and not by its reception." John Woolman wrote of his dangerous trip to visit     Wehaloosing & a friendly Indian tribe: "Love was the first motion." In this writing  I have been witnessing to my faith and experience that love is the first motion.  It is a love that will not let us go and a love that lures us to respond and to fol-    low the biddings of the Inward Guide. To understand [the broad spectrum] of     Christian religion with its mutual caring outreach to the world's needs, one     must return to the love at the heart of things that undergirds it all and under-    girds us all and above all, to realize that we are not not in this thing alone.

       Tribute [to Mother and Father in the pamphlet's beginning] (by     Helen Steere Horn; 1988)

       It's striking how/ we have paid you tribute with / grape... red raspberry     

preserves speckled/ with golden seeds/ & tangy marmalade/ knobbled with 

citrus peel—// each an essence/ gathered in the sun, crushed,/ slivered, 

simmered down,/ stirred, tested./ Concentrated flavor/ holding ruddy light/ 

for you to savor/ on your tongues/ ... the young/ sense how you've done/ 

this slow essential work/ inside yourselves/ for years,/ conserving hope,/ 

preserving gaiety/ distilling tenderness—// such rare bright essences/ you 

glow with/ when we meet.

      Poems About Popper (1988-1995) by Helen Steere Horn (Open Door  was written in 1994)

      Evening Ride—Even when names are gone/ & words you want are 

misting/ out of reach, these roads, / this maze of lefts & rights,/ is clear to 

you as day.// In the amber evening/ you still carry us unerring/ through 

the woods, past beach/ and marsh & farmstead/ growing up with weeds,/ 

to a sure destination.//

  Voices swarm these hills,/ a welter Mother can recall./ [Stories of pla-        ces: extraordinary, tragic, and personal]// ... old Chris Johansen's—/              solitary since his wife passed on .../ 4 times Chris nearly died ...//                  You turn in & stop the motor,/ In his easy chair, Chris/ doesn't hear us till         I knock again,/ Beaming, he burst out,/ You wring each other's hands.//         He [comments about &] limps toward his garden with us .../ You stoop             together foraging/ ... I taste his raspberries ... as both of you ... bearing           sweetness still. 1990

   Climber (1991)—Nearing 90, words for time/ elude you. Hours so             loose & wavering/ in & out of sleep, you startle up/ herd us off to Quaker         meeting, with fierce punctuality.// We lift the latch before another soul/         arrives to hymn sing .../ around the old piano, choose/ familiar spirituals         .../ Your hand beats         time ... Your voice homes in on harmonies/ for         "Jacob's Ladder," climbing/         resonant and true.//

   Once, dozing during worship, you/ pitch forward, moan .../ Yet after-           wards you walk me out/ the door straight up the slope/ ... to the giant                sawed off stump/ that still commands the view./ Its growth rings swell out//      You scan the far horizon./ Are you seeking over Jordan, seeing how            the chariot swings low?/ ... [He knows how soon he will be 90] I                     can feel/ your fingers grip the ladder strongly,/ reaching, climbing still.

        Old Writer (1992)—At 91 you still feel keenly/ where words come            from, know/ their pressing up to be expressed,/ ... [you] start to scrawl// ...        telling phrases falter,/ ... trail off from black to gray ... // It is so late. The             slate inside/  your head is scribbled full./ ... You nod, your fingers                    loosen. Slipping between your knees, the pencil [falls]. // I wonder if                  you know and grieve,/ ... or if this losing of your senses lets you,/ after      such a leap, sink down/ into another element, as slow and cool as            fish sink,/ deeper down than words.

      Open Door—Stripped of his wits,/ & power of speech,/ this ancient            wiseman/  still can teach// when I ask him/ how he is, he only/ smiles &            points/ behind me.// Wheeling, I am struck/ by blazing light/ beyond this 

dim,/ low-ceilinged room// where through a doorway/ branches flowering/ 

white as wings/ brush rosy bloom

   For the Taking (1994)—It rained last night/ and threatens rain again./         Berries should be picked/ before they mold ... / that big poncho you wore             fishing keeps me dry// ... I stand here surrounded/ by dripping canes/ ... a         shrill of crickets/ [sounds] like the very engine/ that propels the world.//                 Grampie raised berries too./ I can still see them mounded/ in our dishes,             ruddy, swimming/ in cream ... I wonder if you also felt/ the way his fingers             helped/ you fill your buckets/ when you picked a patch.

      Remember, tramping/ to the pasture near your/ fishing stream, all                 overgrown/ with blackberries?/ ... [On] the road ... to the abandoned farm,/         The roots of 1 great pine held to the sandy bank/ above it, gnarled/ &                   knobby as old hands.// How our hands turned purple/ ... I hear you telling             stories as we/ foraged, sense the easy silence in between ... the sun lays         warm on my shoulders.// Picking something wild,/ there for the taking,/ was         what made me feel more like a child of God / than almost anything.// [I re-            member whenever I pick].

           Sweet Chariot—You never were much for appearances./ Our                 scarecrow has been wearing/ your fishing hat for 2 years now ...// Once,             combing through/ a dream forest for you,/ ... Far off [Mom] heard a clanking         sound./ ... Then into the open lurched/ a Model T jalopy ... // You sat in the         rear,/ surrounded by rakish characters./ ... You leaned back, beaming/ and         carefree. Mother laughed/ out loud and woke up refreshed.// Oh [Old T],             come soon./ Jump down, old jokers/ Help this raggedy man roll out/ and             clamber in.// I bet we hear them toot the horn—/ Ah-oo-gah—jaunty as                 jaybirds,/ when they put off through the trees/ to take you fishing, who                 knows where? 1995
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325. The Unconscious (by Robert C. Murphy; 1996)

             About the Author—Robert Murphy & his wife live & work in the high  mountain country of Wyoming. He is a physician/ psychiatrist; his wife is a     specialist in learning disabilities. They are involved in issues of human rights,     environment, homelessness, death penalty, violence to women, & Quaker     concerns. Bob's first Pendle Hill (PH) pamphlet was Psychotherapy Based on     Human Longing (#111; 1960); it met an unarticulated need in psychotherapists  & psychiatrists countrywide. Psychotherapy has become strongly based on     human longing, while orthodox psychiatry with its new knowledge of neurobio-    logy has drifted away from creative Unconscious.
            A Story—[I packed for a trip East to visit children & grandchildren &     made the long drive to a motel in Billings, MT]. As I went to unload the trunk, I     felt a horrible emptiness in my belly, a knot in my stomach. I opened the trunk &  realized I had left my suitcase in our living room. What is the meaning of for-    getting a suitcase? We decided to postpone 1 day.] I said, "I could have used  12 days for finishing the manuscript instead of going East." The knot eased as I  said those words; the "mistake's" meaning became clear. [My daughter was     very understanding & reminded me] that she had canceled a trip at the last     minute because she had to paint. [Actually, I wanted to take the trip to use up     an] expiring free flight ticket. I had been regretting losing 12 days on my manu-    script, but had told myself that I'll make it up. My unconscious said, "No—this    is your time for writing."

      Introduction to the Unconscious/ [Conscious Only Thinking]—It has  been the source of all that is most satisfying in our lives since long before the   word "unconscious" was coined. There were Vedantic philosophy's atman,    Christian mysticism's "Cloud of Unknowing", & the 1st Americans' Vision     Quests. The deepest, least accessible unconscious is our spiritual connection     to the Universe. Our relationship with the divine is, for the most part, uncon-    scious. I was a docile & obedient candidate eager to please my teachers; I   struggled to understand the unconscious of Freud's unyielding determinism.   The following synthesis of what Freud, Reich, Horney, Jung, & others con-    tributed to my grasp of the human unconscious denies nothing of what I have    learned.

       Most of our awareness of the unconscious comes at the conscious/  unconscious interface, i.e. where you are when you can't remember someone's  name, & a few moments later do. The unconscious is like an anchor holding us  to the entire Universe. If we cling to conscious-only experience, we feel isola-    ted, separate from it. Conscious-only thinking is a flight from an ocean & vari-    ety of mental activity, as if we might get lost & drown; it is freedom from anxi-    ety & it is boring. We are drawn toward our deeper selves & our creative ener-    gy's source.
           [Language of the Unconscious/ "Bad" Impulses]—Unconscious "lan-    guage" is different from that of consciousness. It is not a language of words, for  it has none of its own, only those borrowed from consciousness; the uncon-    scious is our awareness of relationship, and the source of insight. When a diffi-    cult associate becomes an opportunity to practice dealing with toxic people, our  fear is leavened by a sense of adventure. Unexpected connections are made in  the unconscious; [their unexpectedness] expresses the hiddenness of their  source. As we open our hearts to the unconscious we take part in the peace &    passion of life: 2 faces of the same coin.
           The unconscious, life's ocean, is the source of peacefulness & passion.  Peace's leaven can raise the bread of passion into loaves only in touch with     life's breath. It's in repression of "bad" impulses that we injure ourselves, Earth   & each other. Culture picks enemies for us, in contrast to spontaneous rage     over military budgets, [subsequent neglect of infrastructure & basic human     needs]. Culture routinely pushes American children into "zombie-hood, which is  demonstrated by the occasional child who hasn't been affected. [Exceptions &  zombie-repressed children have sparkle]. Given a chance, children can recap-    ture their freedom & begin to sparkle.
            The repression of rage has varying, often serious, ill effects on our bo-    dies, is often feared and is thought to be ungovernable. Anger is a an impulse     to violence; when it comes into full consciousness it is likely to be non-violent,     [rather than the hurtful form anger's energy takes when carried out in uncon-    scious designs aimed at someone's most sensitive spot]. We don't recognize  the violence we fully intended to commit.
           [Expression of the Unconscious/ Relationship to Consciousness]   Under heavy repression, impulses are sneaky & violent through being hidden. If  one finds a way to speak straight, even in the midst of anger, it can lead to     more  development of the relationship. Impulses allowed airing & full explora-    tion without repression or distortion lead to nonviolent reciprocity feelings. We      don't live by the unconscious, i.e. keep it in our hearts, trust what we don't yet    know of our  thinking & feeling, invite it to yield insights, [or believe] there is    truth deeper than  immediate experience. The more we discover the uncon-    scious the more fascinated we are. [In biofeedback, where one] abandons     control of brainwaves to the unconscious, many quiet healing events may     take place.

       There is a dynamic opposition between consciousness & unconscious-    ness. Our consciousness is the status quo of the mind that would prefer awk-    ward questions not be raised. Toward the headstrong conscious, the unconsci-    ous is like a loving parent; it waits for its deeper experience to be recognized.     When we are functioning with an open gate between conscious & unconscious  we have fewer accidents, make fewer mistakes, and attend to our needs more  gracefully; you experience yourself "in one piece," & find yourself more graceful.
            Part of the unconscious is made up of repressed, conscious material.  Psychic material is banished from consciousness, sits in the unconscious,     watching for a chance to act in an [subtle], unnoticed way. Without outlet, it may  build enough charge to burst out without being conscious, [leaving one to won-    der about] source or meaning. Gigantic rage in some Vietnam veterans was     expressed unconsciously by torturing prisoners with almost no satisfaction or     revenge. 

       Their rage [at being seen as expendable for a purposeless war], found     its way from unconsciousness to motor pathways of behavior with almost no     conscious awareness of it. Military indoctrination kept overwhelming rage     almost completely out of sight. Violent culture, with its ineptness, repression,     lack of reliable authority, [has been a heavy influence on motiveless mass    murderers &] their frighteningly common atrocities.

       Rage, when repressed, is dangerous. It is a gift of sheer energy which     we can take inward as personal non-violent power. Rage is much too precious    to be wasted by merely lashing out at someone. Let a burst of rage-energy     fan out through your whole being as a sense of power, freedom and control,     and you feel great. Rage needs to be held in full and painful consciousness,     while giving up guarantees that the method will "work." Its transformation is a     gift; all we can do is to put ourselves into a position that is most receptive to it.
            Passion, Rage, & Creativity—Our culture isn't discriminating in what it  represses; its overall target is passion. [The deans, those who profit most from  the status quo of major career paths—including religion]—& secondarily pa-    rents, send out messages against too much passion. [In medicine, people are     deprived of exercising self-care; in religion], some churches offer a pre-digested  god so much that one's own discovery of God becomes blurry, or no longer     possible. Culture's sexual display is shallow & [rage-on-display] isn't really rage.  In my mid-70's, I experienced a sustained explosion of sheer, screaming rage  at my long-dead parents; it greatly helped to free me from their continuing im-    pact on my life.
            A person committing unconscious, violent rage is experiencing self-righ-    teousness, which grants license to lots of mischief. "Raging" religious moralists  don't feel "rage"; they just know what is "right." Conscious rage enables us to  see: that isn't I; this is where I stop. Conscious boundaries, although they     change, make possible our condensing & focusing our energy. No boundaries     makes it impossible to take a stand about anything. International & unconsci-    ous rage causes world leaders to explain [& excuse war's toll of 100,000's]. In     everyday life it underlies ordinary insincerity. [All levels of brutality] seem to be   carried out with little apparent angry feeling.

       The possession of rage is facilitated through its non-violent expression.  [Emotions need] endocrine and muscular components to become fully consci-    ous. Wilhelm Reich identified the muscular armoring as the body's contribution  to keeping unwelcome emotions out of consciousness. [He formed] both a the-   ory & muscle-unbinding method of therapy that in well-trained hands can be     effective.

       [Repressed Rage and Creativity; Reliable Unconscious]—Conver-    ting impulses from inactive, buried, dead chunks of alien feeling into vibrant,  living feelings in our full possession, changes us into free, creative, imagina-    tive persons able to go where we want, to know, & to do what we want to do.    Repression necessarily results in the diminishment of our health, as well as     shrinking creative freedom to fit within the boundaries of the status quo.     [There are signs of creativity not confined to the status quo within the women's  movement, and within the new approach], a sparkling and humane program,     for treating coronary disease.

       The key to that transformation is to welcome all of our impulses, [espe-    cially] those that are barely conscious. Common phobias can be healed by     gradually learning to trust the unconscious. The culture's twin demands are     that we not be angry, & that we learn self-control. Both lay waste to our health,    for to be healthy we must be angry about the chains we are invited to ac-    cept; we must give up the notion that control is simply [all] in our own hands.     Our behavior in greater or lesser degree, always expresses unconscious     needs.

       Self-control is forced into us; it is little but thought-control. "If children  don't think about sex then they won't do it"—is 180º opposite to reality. [Unex-    pressed sexual] energy condenses in the unconscious like a bomb waiting to    explode in sexual or non-sexual behavior almost certain to be destructive.     Trusting the unconscious or spontaneity, points to keeping faith with the       unconscious' unfailing reliability. Health means living in harmony with the   unconscious, opening to it when we don't know what to do. Living in that trust,    we will find that ordinary life emergencies are competently managed by the      unconscious, [often before the conscious is fully aware of the problem or the      best solution]. What emergency have you had where your unconscious       took over, partially or totally? [Your harm-avoiding or life-saving actions    can often be mistaken for conscious skill].

       Freedom from Repression—Teaching children to control their im-    pulses is inferior to, [& perhaps incompatible with] helping them develop self-    trust. We adult products of a lame and ailing culture need to remake our-    selves. [While we are remaking ourselves, self-control is needed]. [Ultimately],    there are no impulses that must be repressed, because, there are no bad im-   pulses. Weird fantasies of violence, inventive deviant sexual impulses, these     are some of the "crazy" thoughts to be found behind the civilized facade of     many of us. 

       [These impulses are disguised thought-energy], pushing in unrecog-    nizable costumes, toward consciousness where they can offer us their energy.  When we welcome these strangers we become freer & stronger, & we don't     have to understand what they are all about. The rage of those of my Vietnam     veteran patients who could welcome & possess their impulses might not have     burst through to take such catastrophic & unconscious charge of their behavior.
            School youngsters are given an immensely confusing double message:  "Don't do ["immoral"] sex," and "Do sex every chance you get." Sex is always to  be separated from the rest of life, which cuts [true self] off from sexuality. [The     results are] repression of sexual feeling and passionless promiscuity. We must    hope that they experience themselves as fully & joyfully sexual; [this will alle-    viate the cruelty inflicted & the pregnancy epidemic]. Adolescence is the hard-   est time for grownups to maintain loving control of their youngsters. Parents    may find the cultural and hormonal [influences that interfere with parenting]   more than they can gracefully handle. [Often repressed by culture, hormones,   and parents], teenagers precariously raise each other.

       [The Revealing of the Unconscious]—Our dreams, when we re-    member them, are a source of endless entertainment and instruction. Maybe     after reflecting on the drama left behind, we find it pulling everything together.     Sometimes they design careful parables in dream action, from which we find     new portents. They may offer us the golden opportunity of recognizing our ter-    ror, living through it and forgiving it. They may be richly satisfying in spite of     their obscurity, for they move material from the deep unconscious to more ac-   cessible levels.

       On some occasions stimulus for feeling good remains unconscious, but  still affects mood. Dreams may also do a lot for us without us being aware of     what they say. They make unconscious material more accessible, leave us      feeling more in control, better able to creatively handle [life challenges re-    lated to the dream's unconscious material]. When we see dreams intuitively,      dreamlike, we speak their language. Trying to force dream-meanings into [a     long-winded, psychoanalytic system] results in losing [deeper] meaning.  Even  nightmares are gifts. Vietnam veterans have become stronger, freer, more    resilient when they are held & supported through them.

       We don't escape an impulse toward sexual behavior that couldn't be in-  tegrated into our life by finding ways to banish it from awareness. As we learn     to trust impulses our unconscious will take care of behavior. It isn't likely to     demand that we act on an impulse too powerful for us. The unconscious is reli-    ably-reliable, but it's also allied to a fallible egos. We need sharing both ways    in close relationships. There's no end to the variety of close contacts—friends,    spouse, a never-to-be-seen-again stranger—that offer practice in sharing &   shaping our lives.

       [Unconscious as Guide]—The unconscious is alert to what eyes &     ears sense, & draws immediate, accurate conclusions. Imagine relying on the     same process for major life choices as easily as you do about hitting ball with a  racket. [In relying on it] we will discover ["new" freedom that has always been  available]. At our deepest reaches our unconscious & the Universe's Spirit,     the Infinite meet; God rests there also. 

       There is a difference between trusting our depths & "doing God's will."  The latter [is likely] weighted with moralisms. Keeping tuned to inwardness, [our  unconscious], we develop behaviors from the love, truth, beauty, & honesty     [that is at our core]. In everyday life we experience echoes of Oneness. It     makes life enjoyable, generous & loving—& guides behavior. The words "I    love you" are wondrous when one senses Spirit in them; a wildflower poking     through melting snow opens heaven for a moment. There are situations when   we are too scared or angry or far away from our inner guide. Those are good   waiting, "not-doing" times; our unconscious is always pressing its way toward    us.

       The Unconscious and the Body's Health—The connection between  our unconscious & life-supporting neuro endocrine systems has been recog-    nized in general medicine since Walter Cannon's Wisdom of the Body (1932);     he popularized adrenaline & "fight or flight." Medical technology & organized     medicine [later turned the body into machine parts]. Trying to heal the body     without reference to the unconscious as its major source of healing is absurd.     Physicians, with 4 to 8 years of intense training, are molded into technicians &  out of healing. 

       The unexplained resolutions of cancer, people going from death-bed to  full healing in response to a life affirming event, may completely escape the     modern physicians' notice. Many accounts show that moods & our beliefs heal  or sicken us depending on which way they point, or that patients wait for some  person to come before allowing themselves to die. The unconscious very fre-    quently decides when the time is right or not right for us to die.
            After 20 minutes of examining a man with an ulcerative & hyperactive     bowel, I said to him, "Bob, you may die." The agnonizing pain [& frenetic acti-    vity] in his gut went completely quiet; & he became instantly peaceful. I think     my words granted his tormented body immense relief by giving voice to what    his unconscious was clearly accepting. Doctors are taught that death is our     enemy, but when we dare to accept it as friend we can come to trust it. How     is it possible for physicians not to see that body health & spiritual health     can't be separated? I hope doctors can continue to learn more & more from     our most ready & accessible instructors, our patients.

       A Free Ride—The unconscious and God. who [forms] a spring at its  deepest reaches, make up the paired One that Quakers call "the inner light."     This One's unconditional love ends inner conflict & deception, which integrates  spirit & bodily functions into a healthy focus & accepts unavoidable pain. The  unconscious wants the whole sweep of life that includes suffering. The boun-    dary provided by freedom is that of my personal limitations. My freedom makes  boundaries clear by showing us that power lies, undiminished, within them. We  are, within our [true] limitations, [not the safe ones we create to conform to cul-    ture], a tool for the perfecting of life.
            We potentially have a free ride through life—almost effortless. We can  live carelessly & delightedly with whatever life brings us, & get through the dull  times & depressed times when nothing seems any good. As Thomas Kelly said:  "Everything matters & nothing matters." Dying isn't particularly important, but  how we die certainly is. Being hurt by a Friend's painful remark is unimportant.    How we absorb pain & let ourselves be stimulated to new insights by it, is. 

       When we shape the insights of our small, unconscious voice by sharing  them with each other we have a project for appropriate living which can't be     improved upon. Trusting the unconscious does not mean a happily-ever-after     life. Healing wounded spirits can take a long time. The seed of body/spirit health  (comfort, pleasure, laughter, companionship, & peace) wants to be found. The  heart's task is timeless; it seeks a sense of home, sureness, belonging & love.  There is time for everything, and it doesn't need to be measured.
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326. Liberation Theology for Quakers (by Alice and Staughton 

    Lynd; 1996)

       About the Authors—Staughton Lynd's cousin was David Hartley, an     ambulance driver with the American Friends Service Committee (AFSC) in Italy  during WWII, & Staughton's 1st conscientious objector. Alice recalls going to     Friends Meeting with her parents, Henry Niles, & Mary Howard Niles. Staugh-    ton & Alice were married at Stony Run Friends Meeting House in 1951. They     joined Society of Friends in Atlanta in 1963. Among Meetings they have be-    longed to is 57th Street Meeting in Chicago, where they still carry non-resident  membership.
            Liberation Theology—Quaker beliefs are: potential good & inner light  in every person, which needs no priestly or churchly meditation; equality, non-    violence, and forgiveness; direct speaking; speaking truth to power; living life     consistent with our values; simplicity; responsible stewardship of the earth.     Roman Catholics would seem to be opposite with its ritual, liturgy and fixed     creed. Yet our most powerful spiritual experiences have been with Roman     Catholics in Nicaragua, the popular Church, a community influenced by libera-    tion theology.

       Liberation theology has this conviction: God doesn't want anyone poor;  God's Kingdom should be lived out here on earth. This approach focuses on     confronting & changing institutional violence & structural injustice. It calls for     standing on the poor's side. There is God's choice for the poor, [choosing a     birthplace for his son, a cow's stall, that resembled homelessness], who found     his followers [among "poor working class"] fishermen, & who was executed in a  way used to silence slaves & rebels. 

       [People like Sister Helen Prejean choose service to the poor]; she said:  "I came to St. Thomas as part of a Catholic reform movement, seeking to har-    ness faith to social justice ... reluctantly. I didn't want to struggle with politics &     economics. We were nuns, not social workers ... [Sister Marie Augusta Neal],     pointed out that being apolitical or neutral when seeing injustice would uphold  the status quo—a very political position to take on the oppressors' side. The     poor weren't to meekly accept poverty & suffering as God's will, but struggle to  obtain necessities of life." Archbishop Oscar Romero used the word "accom-    paniment" for acting with the poor & oppressed & then living the consequences  of that choice.
            The dignity and self-activity of poor & working people is another cardi-    nal belief of liberation theology. Poor and working people tend to internalize the  oppressor's image of them as unworthy, dumb, incapable of solving problems.  Liberation theology says every one has his or her own dignity. Pastoral agents    of the new Catholicism teach the poor that they must not be passive victims. 

       Liberation theology promotes the institution of a base community that  exists in a neighborhood or village, meets regularly, reads the Gospel, and     applies it to their own life situation. A Nicaraguan base community reflecting on  the Good Samaritan story states: "We have to go to work, and to our homes./  We are not able to stop using the [dangerous] road./ What shall we do?// The  traveler was alone ... The robbers ... assaulted him ... We must travel very     much together ... We must organize ourselves./  And do all things as a  community."

       Early Friends/ Our Formation: Macedonia Cooperative Community    Like radical Catholics in Latin America today, yeomen & craftsmen [that made     up] early Quakers stressed institutional not individual sin. "The Quaker sense     of the meeting" carried into today a desire for unanimity like that which meant     so much to medieval communities. North America's 1st Friends expressed a     thoroughgoing social, religious radicalism. North American Quakers are now     "very white, suburban & well-heeled." The question is whether Friends can be     a group that serves the poor directly, & seeks to create new society with no     disparities between rich & poor.
            The 3 years we spent at the Macedonia Cooperative Community, 1954-    1957 were the period of our formation, establishing lifetime values & teaching     us ways of community living to last a lifetime. The Northeastern Georgia com-    munity was better off than those in the surrounding area, but lived in "voluntary    poverty." The community earned a meager living from a dairy & making woo-    den educational toys. The way people listened at Macedonia was such that     [speaking was followed by long pauses]. 

       We came in 1954, joined in 1955. We had long [Quaker-like discussions,  and practiced careful discernment, though we didn't use the word]. We also    practiced "direct speaking." If you were irritated by someone, you went to that    person & tried to work it out. When a childcare worker & I [Alice] had different     approaches, we met, reached a turning point & appreciated our differences.

       We thought it was as important to straighten out things with someone  before a business meeting, or before working together in the barn as it was     before "going to the altar." [We recognized] that different persons might use     quite different words to describe a common religious experience. We left     Macedonia in 1957 when they decided to merge with a different religious group.  Macedonia showed us people could live together in a manner qualitatively dif-    ferent from the dog-eat-dog ambiance of capitalist society. We found [that     Macedonian attitude] again to some extent, in the Southern civil rights move-    ment, in the solidarity of rank-and-file workers, & in Latin notions about "ac-   companying" each other in the search for "el reino de Dios," (God's Kingdom).   We found it because we were looking for it and knew it could happen.

       Accompaniment: The Southern Civil Rights Movement—We looked  for a way to go South & join the Civil Rights Movement; a black parent with a  child in our daughter's kindergarten suggested teaching in a "Negro" college.  Good things flowed from having a free apartment on the Spelman College     (Atlanta) campus. Spelman students proved full of life, including Alice Walker,     The Color Purple's future author. We felt that our children & children of other     families who believed in integration, needed one another & found support at     Quaker House. 

       After our son's near fatal fall, the operation, days in the hospital, and     miraculous recovery, we found that we were Quakers; joining the meeting     seemed to acknowledge [the belonging] we had already experienced. We     protested President Kennedy's escalation of the 1962 Cuban Missile Crisis in a  picket line in downtown Atlanta. 2 years later I [Alice] started the position of     Freedom School director in the 1964 Mississippi Summer project.
            Accompaniment: Draft Counseling—I [Stoughton] was involved in  1965 anti-war protest, & was arrested at the Assembly of Unrepresented Peo-    ple in Washington D.C., there to declare peace with the people of Vietnam. I     [Alice] became a draft counselor to do what I could about the war. Students     from Yale University, and especially a group of divinity students who asked to   meet with us weekly asked what they should do about the draft. [The resulting   discussions] led to me collecting & editing a book of personal accounts of war     objectors, which became a way for war resisters to show family and friends   that others were struggling with the same dilemmas.

      I [Alice] loved draft counseling. [In spite of initial distress at their ap-    pearance], I [quickly felt privileged to touch others at this moment when they     were struggling with decisions that involved the whole meaning of their lives. I     could not give legal advice, and did not want to in engage in "mindbending" in     the decision-making process. Lawyers would take a case into their own hands,  and argue on the basis of their own theories, rather than the refuser's beliefs.  Counselors would not take control out of the hands of the refuser. Years later,  we both became lawyers. Our labor law clients knew more about the workings  of the shop than we could, so we would find out facts and present a legal theo-    ry that accurately reflected what our clients believed the problem to be.
            Accompaniment: Moving to Youngstown—In the 70's we needed a     new livelihood. The 1960's Movement was at an end, coming to grief partly     because of class. Student activists in universities who protested sensed a lack  of support off-campus; radicals tried to make up for it by escalating tactics,     which only increased alienation of those who supported the students. We re-    solved to strike up conversations with industrial workers.
            Jesus often asked the rich to become the poor. St. Vincent DePaul once  saw a slave faint at the oars. He clambered down to the oar, and took [up] the     oar. He took the place of the stricken rower. [Going to] work in the steel mills     would never change how people saw me [i.e. a well-educated, upper middle     class man]. So we resolved to offer what we hoped would be useful skills, but     not to pretend to be other than what we were. We began as oral historians,     taping recollections of rank-and-file workers and put them together in a book.

       During the industry-wide Basic Steel Contract negotiations, I [Stoughton]  helped to draft an imaginary steel contract made up of the most radical de-    mands of the many competing Gary-Chicago union caucuses. We put a copy    in the mail to a Youngstown group called the Rank and File Team (RAFT). We     met in Washington, D.C., where they were picketing. We adjourned to a coffee    shop and got to know each other. John Barbero and Ed Mann were advocates  of racial equality as well as civil liberties. Former Marines, each had opposed    the Korean War and Vietnam War. We had never met workers like these, who     believed nearly all the things that we believed. We moved to Youngtown in 1976  to work as lawyer and paralegal.

       Using One's Pain/ Nicaragua—I was assigned to work primarily on  Social Security disability cases. The most I could get for any client was money;  the disabled needed far more than money. I had been disabled, unable to work  for more than 2 years, after surgery that did not heal properly. So I knew that  physical hardship affects your mind and spirit. I began to love the infinite ways  people found to cope with disability, and how people found person-hood in their  work. Preparing disability cases became for me a way of expressing love to  people. Learning about their work history and limitations, I would glimpse the  person behind the mask of disability.
            In December 1983, I gave my full attention to TV news about a group  called Witness for Peace, who were going into areas of conflict and stand be-    tween the warring parties as a deterrent. There was a nonviolent dimension to     the Nicaraguan revolution that caught our attention: amnesty for Somoza's sol-    diers who had not committed [war crimes]; forgiveness & release for a torturer     by the the tortured. [We ended up going] with the Inter-religious Foundation for  Community Organization 6 years after the Sandinista revolution. We had the  opportunity to tape record a discussion with Father Miguel D'Escoto, a Catholic  priest who served as Foreign Minister. When the Sandinista Front for National  Liberation invited him to join their effort, he had told them he has non-violent.  They said: "We would like for you to inject that dimension into our revolution."

            Nicaragua: St. Mary of the Angels/ In El Bonete—This St. Mary's  church is in Barrio Riguero in Managua. During 3 weeks of our 2 or 3 week    stays, we stayed in a home a few blocks from St. Mary's. The liturgy celebra-    ted by Father Uriel Molina at the church was the Campesino Mass, composed     by Carlos Mejia Godoy in 1975. [The chorus of "You Are the God of the Poor"    follows]: You are the God of the poor./ The God that's human and simple,/    The God that sweats in the streets,/ The God with the weather-beaten face.//     And so when I talk to you,/ I speak as my people do./ Because you're the wor-    king-class God, the Christ who is laborer too."  One liturgy feature is the     Peace of God, when people would circulate during the service embracing or      shaking hands. "We Shall Overcome" was sung in Spanish and in English as    a regular part of the liturgy at St. Mary's.

      After pointing out that Christians were once called atheists, Father Uriel     said: "There is a need for a kind of atheist vision where the idols need to be     knocked over and the true God is found, because the old conception of God     doesn't speak to people today ... We may not be the ones to discover our role;  others may point us to it." A young man, William, urged Father Uriel to stay in  the struggle, saying, "If you do [pull out], the whole community will lose their     hope, because your presence here is during the day like an open door & at     night, a light."
           El Bonete is a village near the Honduran border where 2 nuns live, [wor-    ship, & work]. Carmencita is from El Salvador, Nelly from Argentina; They be-    long to Little Sisters of Jesus. Their altar is a tree stump with a vase of flowers.  On a cloth with pictures of priests slain in San Salvador ('89) Carmencita em-    broidered Romero's famous words about corn grains that must die so that there  [is] new growth. El Salvador's campesino mass begins with: "When the poor     come to believe in the poor/ We will ... sing of freedom. When the poor come to  believe in the poor/ We ... build fraternity." & ends with: When the poor seek out  the poor/ organization is born/ ... freedom begins./ When the poor proclaim to  the poor/ The hope that he gave us/ His Kingdom is born among us."
            Our new friends in Nicaragua weren't pacifists. D'Escoto considered  revolutionary violence a "concession for a world in transition." Father Uriel     spoke of university students who went into the mountains to fight in the armed     struggle. [The barrio] felt that we were forming the ... spiritual rear guard for     the people fighting in the mountains. Sister Carmencita concluded: "I think    there is a right to defend oneself."
            Return to Quakerism: The Gulf War/ Retirees—During the Gulf War in  1991, we picketed every day at noon in downtown Youngstown. It became a     regular part of what we did to step out of the picket line & talk with any heckler     or obvious opponent; respectful relationships were established. My [Alice's]     view is that retaliation & retribution only lead to more suffering, & more hatred;     intransigent obstacles remain to be overcome for generations. I experienced     stepping forward, with one hand restraining while the other hand offers a better  way, maintaining one's own presence and dignity while respecting the very     different experience and outlook of ones adversary, appealing to basic values     that all human can understand.

       I [Staughton, expected my picketing to adversely affect if not end 15  years of work in Youngstown]. But we had to do it anyway. 2 men from my     community came up while I was picketing. One said he disagreed with me, and  one said he agreed. For both men the critical thing was that they had known us  for years. It made no difference whatsoever to our work or to the way in which  the community viewed us.
            In 1986, the 2nd largest steel company declared bankruptcy and cut off  medical benefits for retirees. An activist organization of retirees quickly formed,  named Solidarity USA. A decision was made to go and confront whomever it  was they thought had the capability of doing something that was needed. The  chairperson said, "Since 1986, we've not had one violent hand in this group.     We've had our words. We've had our arguments. We've told them just what we  felt. They don't like it. But that's the way to do it."
            Return to Quakerism: A Believable Jesus—In John Dominic Cros-    san's Historical Jesus, Jesus is depicted as: a poor man, who experienced the  oppression of people under the Roman Empire; someone who rejected guer-    rilla war; a healer, convincing others that "God's kingdom is within you"; a be-    liever in the inner light & in equality, not church-building. He lived among the     poor, [& shared their lot]. He believes that canonical authors [sought out]     what must happen if the life & death of Jesus were to fulfill prophecies about     the Messiah.

       Crossan believes that myth is basic faith in story form. Whether or not     an incident took place, the message is what is important. In the apocryphal     Gospel of Thomas, Jesus tells the disciples that what they look for is already      present; to seek to discover rather than await its coming. The way of life     Jesus urged on his companions was sharing food for the body and healing for    the soul. Jesus' healing was empowerment, telling the poor not to take the    ideology of the oppressor as their own, not to internalize the oppressor's self-    image. Jesus' program was empowerment from the bottom up, not waiting for      God to do it. Jesus says that people who [serve those in need], will experi-      ence salvation, even if they are unaware of Jesus and give no thought to him. 

       Conclusions—Our experience suggests to us that there is a middle     ground between living in the inner city & giving all one has to the poor, & con-    fining one's well-doing to financial contributions, demonstrations, & other     occasional support for worthy causes. Our goal must be a society of equals.     Friends should be wary of mediation that leaves in place the inequality between  rich, powerful people, & poor, oppressed people, [i.e. that doesn't address]     giving more voice in decision-making. Friends need to encounter in a day-to    day manner the life situation of the poor & oppressed. Acquire a skill useful to     the disadvantaged, and then go to live where that skill could be made avail-    able. Friends must be willing to go to out-of-the-way places and stay there for  a long time.

       We want to encourage people to change the circumstances that bear  down hard on them. To help them requires our individual growth and insights     through sharing experience and action with others. Travellers on this path also  need periodically to meet with a community of seekers to re-center and re-    energize themselves. We urge Friends to trust the idea that God's Kingdom is   available here and now. 

       We are meeting a friend serving a long prison sentence, in a visiting  room there, surrounded by children, parents, and siblings of the imprisoned     men, all in animated conversation, laughing, expressing love. [Society needs     to give these prisoners the chance to make a living. Going to that room is     more like going to church than any other experience we have. A fictional     character, a volunteer in revolutionary Nicaragua writes: "The very least you      can do is figure out what is it you hope for? And then live right in it, under its     roof. I want [among other things] the possibility that kids might one day grow     up to be neither the destroyers or the destroyed."
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327. Depression and Spiritual Growth (by Dimitri Mihalas; 1996) 

     About the Author/ Preface—Dmitri Mihalas is an astronomy professor;     he taught at the Universities at IL, & CO, Princeton, Chicago. He had manic-    depression for 40 years; he discovered its source 10 years. ago. This pamphlet  is from Inter-Mountain YM (CO) "interest groups" led by Dimitri & Barbara Mi-    halas. The essay describes the depressed's transition from [suicidal] despair,     [through] mystical experience & Meeting support, to a grounded place for spiri-    tual growth. 

     In 1986 I passed through a year of major depression, the worst experience of my life. Starting in 1987, I have received incalculable benefits from it. My world view has changed radically for the better, with peaceful paths and breathtaking vistas I never knew existed.        Dimitri Mihalas
            DEPRESSION, MEDICATION AND PSYCHOTHERAPY—Medication     and Psychotherapy approaches to therapy have complementary strengths and  functions. I believe medication heals a victim who is locked in a very deep     depression or a wildly manic state, where there is clear indication of abnormal     brain function. Psychotherapy offers an opportunity for insight into oneself,     once the main force of the illness is broken; one can be open to spiritual in-    sight and growth before medication takes effect. The "crashing" metaphor of     a severe depression episode hints at the magnitude of the task at hand if one      is to "fly" again.

       What one does is put out flames, & then rebuild, using parts from the     wreckage & new parts crafted in the psychotherapy & spiritual growth proces-    ses; you aren't the same person afterward. There are alternative approaches     to therapy that work best in addition to standard methods, rather than as     substitutes. 

       I learned a powerful technique from the Neuro-Linguistic Programming  discipline. I don't know how, but it worked very well with psychotherapy, which     interpreted deep & powerful images offered by my subconscious in response to  structural changes made in my belief system, & my emotional posture. Religi-    ous experience is [another resource, whether we are talking about] Quaker-    ism's "direct experiential knowledge" or Buddhism's uncritical acceptance of     what is. [These shape] inner changes that can facilitate growth for a new life in  the rebuilding process.

       THE PROBLEM OF SUICIDE—Suicide is the greatest danger and worst  possible outcome of deep depression; it is a final, permanent defeat, because     suicide represents the end of all growth, spiritual or otherwise. Considering sui-   cide is the sharpest existential moment he/she will have; if survived it can spark  spiritual growth. Suicide becomes a tragedy only when it succeeds. Why do     people want to die? People who commit suicide do not actually want to die;     they reached a point where their present life is unendurable, and they see no     way to change it. If this line of thinking is followed to its logical conclusion it re-    presents certain death.
            At this point, medical intervention is urgent. Sometimes it is from sliding,  untreated, deeper & deeper into a black well of major depression. Sometimes     one reaches the crisis after months of "failed" medical treatment. Here one     needs spiritual strength, & hope that effective treatment will still be found. Sui-    cidal people often examine their life in agonizing, minute detail. They mostly     discount what is good & attach special importance to what is bad. 

       Medical intervention helps the victim gain a more balanced picture, and  reminds them constantly of a biochemical bias & imbalance in the brain. Some  times none of this works; the victim moves on a smaller & smaller orbit around    a black hole called suicide. The victim may actually resist efforts of help, & ask,  "Whose life is it, anyway?" This can be debated on many philosophical, legal,  religious levels & from many points of view. I offer here a compelling answer & a  model of healing & continuing wellness.

       A SPIRITUAL MODEL OF HEALING AND WELLNESS—People who  have had both would choose a heart attack over major depression. My model     resembles Dr. Elizabeth Kubler-Ross's model for dying; in her model you get to  die; in my model you get to live. The most common reaction to realizing you     have chronic mental illness is denial; denial doesn't help. In mild depression,     denial can be sustained for a long time; once grinding, crushing, mind-breaking  major depression sets in, denial falls by the way, replaced by seeking survival.
            In Kubler Ross's model of dying, the next stage is anger: Why me? It is  unreasonable to expect depressed people show anger because they are in     misery; rather than angry, they are passive, and feel guilty about everything in     their lives, and deserving of illness. There is loss, grief and mourning. Life will  never be the same; (it may even become better). Lost opportunities & disap-    pointed hopes—this is the loss, which leads to grief, & deep mourning. Human  spirit is [resilient] under the most adverse circumstances; the will to survive     leads us to acceptance.

       You can forevermore be caught up in your loss, grief, and mourning, or  you can say, "I don't like this situation, and never will. But I can't change it, so I  accept it so I can get on with living." If we say that [and mean it], we begin to  experience release. The loss is still there, but now we refuse to have it domi-    nate every moment of our lives. Saying, "I have other things to do now," cuts     the puppet strings. Once you are released, healing can begin. 

       You might think that this process leads only to an acceptance of a per-   manently degraded life. In the case of mental illness, radically different out-    comes are possible. We look back at what we lost, and replace them with     things which we like better. The trip through the "fire" of depression can be     purifying, burning away the worst of them, creating new openings. This fire au-    thenticates the depth and reality of their experience, their experiential know-    ledge of God, [and puts them] on the road which leads beyond healing to     Grace.

       THE MEETING'S ROLE—Support from the outside can make a per-    son's battle against depression easier & more likely to succeed. 4 of the roles     a Meeting plays were the most important. 1st, is the continued acceptance and  encouragement of the depressed person by other Friends. [Valuing the] person  despite his/ her present disability [is reassuring] & serves as promises of a     possible warm and happy future even at this bleak moment.

       2nd is vocal ministry by other Meeting members. One Friends referred to  a cleansing baptism by fire that was the perfect metaphor for my misery. Anger  & grief was gone. I see only openings, possibilities. [I was so affected by 1     person's vocal ministry], that I referred to it in my bleak moments & wrote the    following poem:
            Sunday Morning, 1986—Sunday morning ... Quakers' 1st Day. Quiet/ ...  sun shining brightly./ It is ... cold for June ... We are late as usual ... it's my fault  ... I'm in ... remorseless depression,/ ... moving slow./ Maybe ... Meeting/ will do  me some good. // road is ... blazing sunlight,/ & dappled ... woven shadows/ of  trees, bushes, & purple, white, & yellow flowers [on] the shoulder/ ... [At mee-   ting]  some put down their own burdens for a moment/ & minister to mine ...     certain that they & I can keep me alive ... I'm not so certain. //
            Everyone has too much energy/ to be here on such a nice day/ ... Finally  ... Meeting ... centers down to wait upon the Lord./ My soul can't ... a voice ... is  telling me ... there is no hope [nor] ... any relief ... How much longer can this  go on before I break [into suicide]?// I become aware of ... the collective    presence of the Meeting ... we are empowering one another, [and of] some-    thing bigger than all of us,/ benign, protective, powerful, ... good ... A woman     speaks a message about her life ... [it] fits mine/ giving it new meaning.//

       She touched me from across the room ... Into closed eyes she shines     Light ... her words ... cut through depression ... For a few minutes I am un-    chained ... & join her in warm soft Light./ The experience comforts me,/ it     doesn't heal me/ It restores courage ... & allows [moving] forward,/ a few min-    utes without pain.// ... [In] many hard days ahead./ ... I am able to close my      eyes/ return to that cool, brilliant morning,/ & hear that woman's quiet [face-    less] voice ... [in] a place where ... I can rest, rebuild, be safe ... God touched    me ... with His grace.

       The Meeting provides a forum for ministry by a sufferer of depression.     The victim can lighten one's load & help with the growth of others by sharing the  sufferer's problems & triumphs—shedding light into a darkened world. The Mee   ting is an excellent source of help for the everyday chores a depressed person  can't manage. In facing the prospect of many days in Boulder, alone in a big     empty house in the mountains, I went to Ministry & Counseling Committee with  a list of about 12 families & couples I especially liked, & asked them to see if  any of those people would allow me to call them, & invite myself to their house  for the evening. I actually used my backup list only twice, each time coming    home after a pleasant evening feeling better. I could sometimes endure it by     myself, knowing those folks were there if I needed them.

       THE ROLE OF MYSTICAL EXPERIENCE: The Dark Journey—A full  discussion of the "Dark Journey's" or "Dark Night of the Soul's" experiences can  be found in Dark Night Journey by Sandra Cronk. I found major depression is a  kind of Dark Journey, comprising most of what she describes. Surviving severe  depression gave me new insight into the Dark Journey's meaning. I went home   one afternoon in January 1986 to pull the trigger. My wife had already taken the  gun away; my plan was thwarted. I was stuck without a gun or another plan; I  simply stumbled forward. 

       [Later that month, my wife & I parted company in a snowstorm. As she]  slowly disappeared into the falling snow, I felt a pang of loneliness, loss & emp   tiness. What would happen if she suddenly disappeared?      How could I     stand it or survive? Those questions would be hers if I were to kill myself. "My  life belongs to me in the context of all the other lives it touches. I kill a part of  them along with myself.  I found an [unexpected], irrefutable answer to the     question,  "Just whose life is it, anyway?"

       Along with a suicidal urge, another "part" of my mind had a growing,  strong conviction I was being protected, sheltered, & [assured] that it would all     come out right. [God or not], it was a tremendous power; the merest touch of it    is enough to last a lifetime. My "Dark Journey" below, written much later, evokes  a sense of this.

       Dark Journey— "... Blackness envelops us,/ making movement impos-    sible./ Thus begins our souls'/ shadowy journey/ of isolation, loss, fear.// Only     when we lose false courage ... & turn to You,/ ... do we feel Your hand/ guiding  ... carrying us to the center of Grace ...It is then, for the 1st time,/ that we feel  You. Become alive."
            This poem is the speck of light I returned with from my black canyon's  edge. Why is it given to us to have to travel through terrible darkness? It is  in the deepest darkness that one can most easily see light. The darker it is, the  more and fainter stars you can see. [If we lose the Light, and] are plunged into  great darkness, we have a chance to find that Light again, no matter how faint it  may have become. Dark Journey is a gift.
            Support from Afar—[Prayer life] & spiritual experience can have an ef-    fect similar to psychotherapy. [The 3 quotes I use here] are all from the little     book The Prayers I Love. 1. "I have no other helper, [father, support] than You     ... I pray to You./ Only You can help me.// My present misery is too great ... I     cannot pull myself up or out.// ... help me out of this misery./ Let me know that      You are stronger/ than all misery & all enemies.// ... let the experience con-    tribute to ... my brothers' blessing ..." [The last 2 phrases are part of] a plea &     a promise. 2. & 3. (John Donne; 1573-1631): "He brought light out of dark-    ness,/ not out of lesser light. He can bring summer/ out of winter/ though thou     have no spring." "God never says/ you should have come yesterday./ He     never says/ you must come again tomorrow./ But today,/ if you will hear His      voice,/ He will hear you"

       Grace/ EPILOGUE—It is more fruitful to describe Grace experientially  than to try to define it. Grace: Grace is:/ when you can look through,/ and be-    yond,/ the deepest darkness/ into Light ...// when you discover/ the heavy bur-    den/ you have carried/ these many miles/ is actually your gift ...// when you/     willingly/ endure the burning/ in order to give Light ...// When you understand     finally,/ that you can defy death,/ by dying/ to be reborn and live ... Through     Grace ... [we] can go on/ despite disabilities,/ & be nourished by them." Grace     "taught my heart to fear," and to realize that none of those fears matter once I     made the leap of faith to go on living despite my "insignificance" & "worthless-    ness."
            With Grace we can give to one another, comfort one another, be with  one another, [bear with one another], and bear together our ups and downs. For  me the world looks different. Where I saw problems before, I now see solu-    tions; where I felt weakest and most insecure, I have learned to rely on others.    Guilt, grief, anger, & disappointment have been burned away. To quote Helen    Weaver Horn "From Brokenness" for those feeling broken:

       "This is the daily miracle:/ that glancing off each granite face,/ the Seed  at last finds lodging/ in the broken place,/ and from the dark heart of the cleft/  sprouts Grace, springs green." Broken places are the places through which     Grace, and Light, and Life can 1st penetrate our souls. We can reach out from     the broken places in our bodies and mind and touch the world, touch each     other, and touch God. Brokenness is a gift. [I would neither relive or erase the     events of 1986]. It was terrible and it made my life better; I learned a lot. I am      much happier. I have more to offer those around me. I have been touched by    Grace.

           One cannot reach the dawn/ save by the path of night. Kahlil Gibran
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328. The Servant Church (by Ricardo Elford & Jim Corbett; 1996)

       About the Authors—Ricardo Elford was born in Seattle (1938), en-    tered Catholic seminary at 14, and was ordained 1964. Since 1967, he has     worked both sides of the AZ-Sonora border, with Yaqui & Central American     refugees. Jim Corbett was born in WY (1933), & became a Quaker in 1962.     He ranched in Arizona as an adult as part of a covenant-formed community     that converts land ownership into earth rights. This pamphlet is companion to     The Sanctuary Church (#270). The latter highlights weaving of human rights      initiatives into the social community. This pamphlet highlights the historical        warp into which covenant-community initiatives are woven.

    [Abraham is] the father of Jewish, Christian and Muslims believers ...  Other races & religions can use an equivalent name [& language] more appro-    priate to their tradition [e.g.] Translate "God," into "nature," "evolution," etc. If     you [seek] to use your qualities ... if you hunger for truth & justice, you can &     should go with us.

       [INTRODUCTION]—Helder Camara, prophetic bishop, [& the above  quote's author] speaks for the servant church that enacts a way of life no state  can or would enact. How does our civilization serve either death & degra-    dation or life & creativity? How can we not live by subjugating & mana-    ging each other & the earth? We write to those feeling uninvited or excluded.   [The authors' paths crossed] after El Salvador's & Guatemala's military forces     & death squads forced 100,000's into exiles. [ICE] hunted refugees as "ille-     gals" & returned them to persecutions they fled. 

       We learned terrorism's politics here & abroad, & about faithful commu-    nion. For Quaker herdsman, & Catholic cleric, our discoveries converged &     gave birth to this pamphlet. The Bible is a universal, shared inheritance. Sanc-    tuary for the persecuted is a weft that today's covenant community weaves     into the prophetic faith; the Bible provides historical warp; sanctuary is a [re-    enactment of a Biblical concept].

    How does humankind own or not own the earth? How should men  own & rule [or work & live beside] women? Civilization needs to outgrow     preconceptions & disabilities transmitted through biblical inheritance. It needs     roots in prophetic faith, whose service is constantly concerned with truth, jus-    tice, & love. Prophetic community renounces armed force & gives allegiance     to the Peaceable Kingdom, seeking transformation beyond the reach of state      & politics. Their covenant to hallow life on earth with lovingkindness & justice    is basic.

    An Invitation to Unbelievers—Belief in God as a being among beings    —even the one & only supreme being—has generally been rejected as inher-    ently idolatrous. Helder Camara sees the distinction between "Nature" and     "God" as a quibbling difference. Seeing the Bible as ultimate authority is biblio-    latry and unbiblical. One needn't bend one's mind to believe what one disbe-    lieves. The rabbinical tradition praises Abraham for standing against world-    wide condemnation as an atheist and criticizes Noah for just following orders     for not arguing against the flood. 

    Unbeliever and Universalists can be integrated. The torah (a leading)-    seeking community needs them for its own integrity and to deepen its faith.     Unbelievers, universalists, pacifists, feminists, gays, greens, and others who     strive for truth, justice, & love can certainly find much in the Bible with which to  disagree. The Bible's meaning needs to be grasped historically, not ideologi-       cally. When we seek to thread the reign of peace, health, justice, and love into   our war-making civilization, yet discard the prophetic faith's unfolding of the     Peaceable Kingdom, we are weaving without a warp.

    The gospel emphasizes that the people who think they are exclusively  included actually can't or won't hear the invitation; those who think they are     excluded receive it. The prophet proclaims torah; torah (a leading) is fulfilled by  any who choose to walk the way. From the prophetic faith's perspective, Jesus  of Nazareth chose to fulfill Isaian torah & found a way. [Neither bodily resurrec-    tion or eternal bliss have anything to do with fulfillment of torah, which Jesus     reportedly said was his mission].

     The resurrection to afterlife was ignored by the prophets. Early church     writers sometimes emphasized that our understandings of afterlife are imma-   ture & clouded & our ways of thinking about it are indirect. We need new meta-    phors about life in the light of eternity. If these new metaphors are fossilized in-    to doctrines, they will surely be the source of new divisions & excommunica-    tion.  Those who truly love God or Nature realize that we live in Eternity's Light.  Eternal time is experienced in works of art. For those who can listen, the Crea-    tion  itself is a symphony of eternal Presence, but there's no one in the audi-    ence. We're all dancers. Unbelievers & believers are equal partners in truly    catholic communion, but torah remains the prophetic faith's real concern.

       [Excerpts from Isaiah verses cited here]—Is. 1:2-4 Israel doesn't     know [its master]; My people don't understand ... They have abandoned     YHVH ... They have turned away from [the Lord]. Is. 1:11, 13, 15-17 What to      me is ... your sacrifices? ... Though you make many prayers,/ I won't listen     ... Cease to do evil,/ learn to do good;/ seek justice ... defend the orphan,     plead for the widow. Is. 2: 3-4 Many people shall come & say: "God may          teach us God's way ... that we may walk God's path ... They shall beat their      swords into plowshares/ & their spears into pruning hooks/ Nation shall not lift    up sword against nation, neither shall they learn war any more. 

       Is. 10: 34; 11: 1-3, 6, 9-10 A shoot shall grow out of Jesse's stump ...     The spirit of YHVH ... [counsel, valor, devotion, & reverence] shall alight upon     him ... [predator & prey will come] together,/ With a little boy to herd them ...     Nothing evil ... shall be done ... The stock of Jesse remaining/ Shall become a     standard to peoples—/Nations shall seek his counsel,/ His abode shall be     honored.

    Is. 19: 24-5 Israel will be blessed ... [as] Israel My heritage Is. 27:6 In     days to come, Jacob shall take root, Israel shall blossom & put forth shoots, &     fill the world with fruit. Is. 28:14-15 You men of mockery ... have made a cove-    nant with Death,/ concluded a pact with Sheol. [You say the flood] "shall not     reach us;/ For we have made falsehood our refuge,/ Taken shelter in trea-    chery." Is. 29:13-14 People draw near with their mouths/ and honor Me with     their lips,/ while their hearts are far from Me, their worship of Me is ... learned     by rote ...The wisdom of their wise shall perish,/ and the discernment of the     discerning shall be hidden.

    Is. 30: 1-2 Woe to rebellious children ... who make plans [& alliances]     that [are not] from me ... They leave to take refuge in Pharoah's protection. 30:     9-11 They are a rebellious people, faithless children ... who say, "Don't pro-    phesy to us what is right;/ speak ... smooth things, prophesy illusion ... let us     hear no more about the Holy One of Israel. 30: 15-16 [& 31:1] Thus said my     Lord YHVH ... You shall triumph by stillness & quiet;/ Your victory shall come     .../ Through calm & confidence./ But you have refused, [&] ... have put ...  trust    in abundance of chariots ... [you] haven't sought YHVH 30: 19-20 YHVH may     give you the bread of adversity & the water of affliction, yet your Teacher       won't hide any more  ... [you] shall hear ... "This is the way; walk in it.    

    Is. 42: 1 Here is my servant whom I uphold,/ My chosen in whom my     soul delights ...He will bring justice to the nations. 42: 6b-7 I have given you     as a covenant to the people ... to open the eyes that are blind,/ to bring out the  prisoners from the dungeons ... Is. 56: 6-8 & the foreigners who join them-    selves to YHVH,/ to minister to God, to love the name YHVH ... I will bring to     my holy mountain ... For my house shall be called a house of prayer for all      people ... The Lord YHVH gathers the outcasts of Israel,/ I will gather others to    them ...

    ISAIAH: The Many Faces of Faithful Service—[Isaiah 42:1 cited] The  servant is Israel, the covenant people & the gathered covenant peoples grafted  onto Israel. The servant is every person who unites with ancient Israel & enters  the covenant to become a people that hallows the earth, from the pious patri-    archs & Jews, to Catholics, Muslims, Quakers, pious Popes, Gotama, Seattle,  & Gandhi. [God says of & to these people & us (Isaiah 42: 6b-7 cited)]. Other    people, such as the Hopi, know the covenant to hallow the earth through a dif-    ferent history and tradition. The central concern of covenant people is what we  must do today to live faithfully.

    Faithful service is primarily lovingkindness and justice, not just rituals     and professing [Isaiah 1:11, 13, 15, 16-17 cited]. The prophets condemn the     substitution of cultic religiosity for the people's covenanted task; they con-    demn a faith of mere words [Isaiah 29: 13-14 cited]. How do we know true     torah, especially when some human beings claim to be ordained by God     to exercise magisterial authority? [Isaiah 30: 19-20 cited]. Underlying all     written expressions, the covenant of allegiance to the Peaceable Kingdom is     to seek and do torah. Only a people, [a community] can establish a way that     institutes peace and justice as a social order that is discovered and explored,     nurtured and cherished through successive generations.

    Against Politics—[Isaiah 30:1-2 cited]. Minimal social righteousness is  more a matter of elementary political prudence than of covenant faithfulness;  political prudence is a prime target Isaiah's denunciations. Politics is the way of  the nations, but it is not the way of the Holy One of Israel. Over the course of  recorded history, each next would-be world power has made a covenant with  death, putting final faith in coercive violence over faithful communion. Every     nation seeks its own advantage over all others. Alliances are designed by de-    ceit, engineered with treachery, and built on violence [Isaiah 28: 14-15 and     30:15-16; 31:1 cited]. Political powers' covenant with death is built on a foun-    dation of organized violence. 

    [It is a choice between divine and human sovereignty; all faithfulness     hinges on this choice. [Generations after Exodus sought to have kings over     them; Gideon refused. When Saul's generation insisted, Samuel is to let them     have a king, after solemnly warning about [the kingly demands on their children  and wealth that will result]. The people asked Samuel to pray for them, "for we  have added to all our sins the wickedness of asking for a king."

    Against the Warrior Way—[Isaiah 1:2-4 cited] Isaiah must have won-    dered why YHVH had been so tolerant of this most fundamental betrayal. Is-    rael started as nomads who could assimilate peasants who chose to escape.     By the time the Israelites asked Samuel for a king, they were the land's set-    tled inhabitants, and the Philistines were organized for concerted military action  under a king, and were overrunning the Israelite tribe. The people want a king    to "govern us and go out before us and fight our battles." Isaiah's rejection of     the way of the nations was also a rejection of the warrior way, whether impe-     rial or nomadic. 

    The faithful people shall light the way for all peoples [Isaiah 2: 3-4 cited].  [Isaiah's] politicians in Jerusalem thought national survival required vassalage  under one or another of the powers, with a crafty eye for timely shifts of allegi-    ance. Isaiah assures them that they will be winnowed, burnt down, smelted,     [brutalized by conquerors] and exiled. Yet a remnant shall survive, renew its     growth, & persist. The covenant people shall pass through dispersions, inquisi-    tions, apostasies, & assimilations—to conquer conquest & open the way out of  war. [Is. 10: 34; 11: 1-3, 6, 9-10 cited].

   Sprouts and Grafts: Relapse, Rejection, and Revival—[Is. 27:6 cited]  [Covenant] people choose to serve rather than conquer, to prevail through still-    ness and peace not contention and war, & claim for itself earth-encompassing     tasks, not a territory-grasping empire. [How can peaceful, covenant people,     more interested in gaining peace-loving souls than territory, still be a        nation or people]?  Isaiah insistently denounces every segregation like that     of "church & state." In covenant faithfulness, you can't walk 2 ways at once.

    In the Judaic outlook of the prophets, "if religion is anything, it is every-    thing." United into a people of peoples by being grafted onto Israel, Isaiah's     people of YHVH is to be catholic. Yet no less Israel, no less a covenant people.  Torah is to be fulfilled, not nullified or replaced. There shall be no alternative     covenant; they are made by false prophets & apostate people [Isaiah 30:9-11     cited]. People of peoples can be fittingly called "the church"; the people of     YHVH's soul remains Abrahamic, the covenant-formed descendants of Abra-    ham, Hagar, & Sarah [Is. 56:6-8 cited].

    [Excerpts from Luke and Matthew cited here (parallels mentioned)]  Matthew 5:44-45 Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, so  that you may be children of your Father in heaven. [He benefits] the righteous  and unrighteous equally. Luke 6:20 Blessed are you who are poor,/ for yours is  the Kingdom of God. Luke 6:29-30 (par. Matthew 5:39-42) Do not resist an  evildoer. If someone strikes you on the cheek, turn the other also... go the 2nd  mile. Give to those who beg; [lend to those who would borrow]. 

    Luke 11:2-4(par. Matthew 6:9-12; The Lord's Prayer) Luke 16:13 (par.  Matthew 6:24) No one can serve 2 masters, for a slave will either hate the one  and love the other.  You can't serve God and wealth. Luke 17:20-21 The King-    dom of God is not coming with things that can be observed, nor will they say,     "Look, here it is, or There it is. For, in fact, the Kingdom of God is among you.

       JESUS: Out of Galilee/ Again Against the Warrior Way—Jesus of  Nazareth was thoroughly & totally Jewish; Torah & Isaiah were in his bones.    [Luke 17:20-21 cited]. Jesus looked into Roman domination's face here & now,  & like Isaiah, he didn't despair; the Kingdom of God was a seed already plan-    ted.  Jesus understood the real problem was no longer a golden calf, long     ago minted into imperial coinage. Caesar ran the bank; & Herod the local     branch [Luke 16:13 (par. Matthew 6:24) cited]. Serving Money or serving the    Peaceable Kingdom couldn't be further apart. [Jesus was clear with the rich     as to their condition & relation to God's Kingdom]. Impoverished listeners     must have struggled to comprehend his words about them [being blessed;    Luke 6:20 cited].

    Job's discovery about God's use of rewards and punishments comes  into real life here in the gospel. Having nothing to lose, the poor can hear the     invitation and see the Kingdom; they can even undertake the co-creative imita-    tion of God [Matthew 5:44-45 cited]. Jesus' everyday attitude and actions belied  any putting off of the Kingdom of God, [or any measuring of a person's right to  sit at God's table by traditional piety]. If the rich and "righteous" appear to be left  out, it's only because they exclude themselves.

    No one had to follow Jesus around Galilee for long to see that he left no  room for [the image of himself as a violent revolutionary]. [Luke 6:29-30 (par.  Matthew 5:39-42) cited]. Jesus calls for a real revolution: the transformation of  our involuntary servitude to oppressors into voluntary service to those in genu-    ine need.

    The Sign of the Cross—Any of the rebellious or insubordinate in the  underclass could be publicly nailed to the cross as an example to any others     who might consider disobedience. Only Jesus, of all the crucifixion victims,     found an indelible place in human history, through the sign of the cross. It would  be explained through the centuries by a theology of blood payment for huma-    nity's sins. When the followers of Jesus of Nazareth took the cross to be their     own symbol of joyful allegiance to the Kingdom, they were truly overcoming     conquest.

       [Existing meaning that needs more emphasis is that] Jesus' cross sig-    nals freedom, equality, & prophetic faith becoming nonviolent co-creativity, with  institution-shattering, community-forming practices, elevating outcasts & the     poor into friends serving together in his Kingdom; He invalidates empires [&     kingdoms save his own, & transforms rather than destroys evil]. Martin Buber     writes: "This world ...contrary, unabridged, unsoftened, unsimplified, unreduced  ... shall be consummated ...Every reduction hinders consummation ...It's redem   ption, not from but of evil ...God, Creator-Redeemer wills to draw to God's     arms nothing less than all needing redemption."

       Jesus couldn't avoid the profoundly human fear of death, but he didn't  retract his challenge to all other claims to sovereignty or conform to the values  of empire. The empire's most nullifying, [shaming instrument of terror flowered     as a symbol [honored & embraced by the community]. Those whose faith led     them to continue seeing Jesus in their midst after the crucifixion soon began to  call themselves church, even though Jesus didn't talk of church. The word well  defines those who gather to pray [The Lord's Prayer, among others]. " Your  Kingdom come." Indeed it is already in us & around us, but it must burst anew  onto the human scene every day ... Life will flourish when empire fades and    church—as wide as Isaiah's vision & Jesus' embrace—is born.

    CHURCH: From Cross to Sword—In time, "church" became exclusive,  communion gave way to excommunication. Jesus' "Jewishness" faded from     conversation. The Roman Empire was crumbling much the way Isaiah's Judean  kingdom crumbled. Emperor Constantine saw that the once-persecuted Chris-    tian communities could be used to rebuild the disintegrating Roman monolith.     In 325, Constantine's Council of Nicaea converted a covenant people into a     [very hierarchical], political organization that replaced the circle of friends that    once gathered.

    The 2 [central] Christian tenets were equality and nonviolence, "Church  as family" [could not convert to] "church as hierarchy" [without drastic  compro-    mises]. The next century demanded that Christians bear arms against others     and each other, and call themselves Crusaders, Inquisitors, Conquistadors, led  by emperors, kings and presidents. Preachers would quote Isaiah in talking     about virgin birth and eternal life, but not about the fairy tale of swords into     plowshares. They avoided offending royalty with prophet's thunder over the     empire's actions. In spite of hierarchy and sword Christians have done marve-    lous things; Jesus never stopped healing. But the church has yet to become     the forge for plowshares and the banquet for all.

    The Jewish Gospel of Rabbi Jesus—Jesus' Jewish gospel proclaims  Kingdom of God among us & rejects divided allegiance. One must choose be-    tween serving Kingdom & serving other kingdoms. Those grafted onto Church    Israel, don't need to [appear] Jewish to enter into Jesus' prophetic faith;  just   profoundly Jewish, turning from selfish spirituality so as to take torah seriously.   We must gather into societies that seek leadings (torah) they can practice in    lifestyle that redeems its homeland. "[The word] isn't in heaven ... or beyond   the sea, that you say, "Who will go ... bring the word to us, that we may      hear & do it?" The word is very near you. It is in your mouth & heart, so that    you can do it" [Deuteronomy 30: 12-14]. After centuries of revisions & post-   scripts, Jesus of Nazareth's gospel still turns Western, empire-building wisdom    upside down.

      Kingdom parables open a way through doubts about the "already-here"   & "not-yet" of the covenant people's co-creative task, & about faithful service. If  you plant a mustard seed, don't expect a Lebanon cedar, but something near     impossible to eradicate & large enough to provide birds shelter. Yeast is asso-    ciated with everyday corruption and transformation.  [Listen] for authenticity in    Kingdom parables. It's amazing they're still there after almost 2,000 years of     urging to make them politically/ morally correct. 

       To see "that of God in every other means ceasing to want punishments  or vengeance for injuries, insults, & betrayals, just as it means not seek rewards  for faithful service. Everyone is in communion, no less than those who give up  the sword & give away their money. Having discovered that communion is uni-    versal & unearned, one is free to choose. [Genuine] members of a covenant  community must trust one another to walk the hallowing way they profess, to     act as covenant community.

       Walking the Way—Moses brought the covenant that formed the people  down from Sinai; his torah gave birth to the covenant people. Jesus brought     allegiance to the Peaceable Kingdom down to earth as faithful service that is     open to all peoples; prophetic faith needed [Jesus'] practical insight to match its  vision of the Peaceable Kingdom. How can torah be fulfilled, brought to     earth, as an actual practice that hallows every aspect of daily life? If no     people give the Kingdom allegiance & serve, there really isn't a reign where it     counts, on earth. 

       "What is the fast I choose? To loose the bonds of injustice ... to let the  oppressed go free,/ to break every yoke ... to share your bread with the hungry  ... [your house with the homeless & cloth the naked] ... Then your light shall     break forth like the dawn,/ & your healing shall spring up quickly ... the glory of  YHVH shall be your rearguard ... you shall cry for help, & YHVH will say, Here I  am ... [If you do loosing of bonds, freeing oppressed, breaking yokes, sharing  bread & home, clothing naked] ... then your light shall rise in the darkness/ &  your gloom be like the noonday. YHVH will guide you continually, and satisfy  your needs" [Isaiah 58: 6-11].

    Quandaries (by Jim Corbett)—Pima Meeting realized that prospective  new members should be told that they were entering the meeting's sanctuary     covenant, which the U.S. government said was a criminal conspiracy punish-    able by many years in jail. Quakers are widely known as social activists, but    now we rarely act as faithful communities, to initiate humanity's turnaround to-    ward shalom. Quakers generally realize that our reputation is a false front. We     are as likely as anyone else to want the state to enact a favorable way of life;     we are as assimilated into the dominant culture; allegiances are at least as  divided.

    The Clerk of Ministry & Oversight, Clare Goodwell, wonders whether she  should tell the policeman now sitting with them to leave his pistol outside. [She  thinks of Fox's words to William Penn]: "Wear thy sword as long as thou canst,"   [& of 2 vocal ministries: one will direct the meeting's response; one will call for   self-examination of the members' part in letting this policeman "wear their     sword for them" [i.e. "When you take timber out of your own eye, then you will     see well  enough to remove the sliver from your friend's" Luke 6:41-42].

    The basic society of friends can explore & find the way for its members  to serve the Peaceable Kingdom, if it will just clear away the delusion that it  already practices what it professes. Individuals can resist injustice and refuse     to collaborate with violence, but only a community can do justice and practice     peacemaking. The contradictions between the professing and practices of     individuals are just more slivers. Members of a faithful community can practice  their allegiance to the Peaceable Kingdom one way or another as their way     opens. The policeman leaves before introduction, avoiding any eye contact;     many think they must have failed him somehow.

       The legend about William Penn's sword could [reflect concern] for dres-    sing appropriately, or self-defense; it is about neither. It has to do with:  How     does one deal with a moral quandary? The Inner Guide ponders considera-    tions and struggles with quandaries. They don't vanish for those who seek     torah within a covenant community, but they cease to be dead-ends; they     point toward co-creativity rather than guilt.
            The State's Law necessarily wields the enforcement-sword. If that sword  became the Peaceable Kingdom's plowshare, the state would cease to be a     state. Torah can be law as well as leadings or guidance, but it is community-    grown law rather than state-made law. Fulfillment of torah is rooted in cohesive  forgiveness rather than coercive punishment. It forms enduring society by     gathering into stewardship communities, not by might & money used to build a  nation like others. 

       Torah, covenant people, and hallowed land are inseparable. Service as  stewardship is integral to prophetic faith's practice. "Civilized" humanity as-    sumes that we have managerial control of life on earth. This misleading usage     is dictated by culture. Faithful practice must correct the word's [enactment by      us]. What would it mean if Law's sword were made into stewardship's plow-    share? Covenant communities would convert management into symbiotics,      possessions into communion, & ownership into earth rights.
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329. There is a Fountain: A Quaker Life in Process (by Helen Steere 

    Horn; 1996)

    About the Author—Helen Horn's connection to Pendle Hill is since  childhood when her father, Douglas Steere, directed summer school & her     mother Dorothy Steere, was Head Resident. In the '90's she taught a Pendle     Hill class on Spiritual & Work Autobiography, & co-led 2 classes using arts &     meditation to spur spiritual growth. After working in Europe, Africa, & 3 Ame-    rican cities, she settled with her husband on an Appalachian farm, [& was so-    cially active there]. She has been activist, professional, artist & homemaker.     This essay was written for Lake Erie YM as a "pump primer" to encourage     others to share stories from their spiritual journeys.

    "... There is a fountain that living freshness brings./ Come to this  water; there is vast supply ...

       I AM: 3-5—[At 3], I sit on Grampie's lap in a wicker rocker on their  glassed-in porch, [watching crackling, forking lightening, listening to the crash     of thunder & his stories of storms]. Grampie's big lap, rumbling familiar voice     & the easy rocking hold me safe. [At 4], I stare out the window at snowflakes     falling into the pond. I point out how each one is kissing the water as it tou-    ches down; Mom hugs me joyfully, shares with Dad what I said, & starts reading  me poems. [At 5 in Meeting] I move my head up & down, & the branches do a   jerky, black-armed dance where glass is whorled. I wish I could see Jesus in     Meeting. My Daddy ministers: "The wind of God is always blowing; we  must     hoist our sails." I like the thought of being a boat with God's wind filling  my     sails.

    I AM: 6-7—[At 6], I test for entrance into Haverford Friends School, I  look at a picture of Pilgrims & Indians fighting and say, "They should all be sit-    ting down & working things out together." Mr. Cadbury catches birds to band    & record them; he shows some to us up close & then lets them go. My heart     nearly bursts with love and relief that he is free. [At 7], My 1st-Day School      teacher shows us a photo album of snowflakes; there is not one like any other    in the whole book. She shows us a diagram of the water cycle: water falls as     rain; rises as mist or steam; forms clouds; when cold falls again as hail or      snow. I get a sense of order, something that shifts shape and is transformed,     but never ends. She has us draw mandalas which I doodle for years all over      my notebooks.

       I AM: 8-10—[At 8] We are on the sand dunes near Lake Michigan, pic-    king blueberries, looking out at the lake, listening for the woodthrush. Its fluting  comes, pure & haunting from an invisible perch; pause; again. Mother's eyes     are shining. We hug each other. [At 9], Anne is throwing another fit, refusing     clean her room or play with "that dumb old boy"; she slams her door. I move     quietly around my room, putting my clothes and books away. Anne is such a     baby. When will she grow up and learn to be a helper? 

       [At 10] I get to read out of a family Bible about Joseph. I am thrilled how  Joseph ends up giving food to the very brothers who wanted to kill him; sort of  like Jesus. I sing out my heart for [my favorite hymns] as Mom plays the organ. I  make a little cardboard box altar in my closet. I pray there for people I know, for  the Jews, and that WWII will be over.

      I AM: 11-13—[When I am 11] Daddy buys the best Christmas tree he can  find on December 23rd. This year] it's lopsided. We trim it while a fire burns &  Christmas music plays. I am mad at Daddy, & try to fix the tree; I break a     branch. I try to tape the branch back together. It holds through the holiday, but I  am eaten up with guilt. I confess to Mother & learn that Daddy feels uncom-    fortable spending money on temporary decoration. I understand, but I still    hate whacko, crooked, skimpy Christmas trees; I am ashamed that it means    so much to me.

    [At 12], A French refugee comes to stay with us; 2 other girls come to     Haverford from Germany. Mother & Daddy want us to be welcoming & play with  them. [At 13], I'm not wearing lipstick, & am not a good athlete. My breasts are  swelling, I am getting acne & I have to wear glasses. A friend of mine & Daddy  agree that Anne has "it"; I assume they mean I don't. I fantasize about [being in  places of great isolation], taking great risks to rescue people, especially hand-     some boys. A conscientious objector my dad counsels, visits our family often,     [& more importantly is] someone other than my folks who listens to me &     honors me as somebody who matters,. He encourages me not to wear make-    up. He likes "authentic" people. That word becomes powerful to me.

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    I AM: 14-16—[At14] I read of the lives of Elizabeth Fry & others. I am     quickened in my determination to be a world-changing woman like these. Mo-    ther's life as homemaker, helpmate, & community volunteer doesn't fire my     imagination. [At 15] I am spending Daddy's sabbatical year with Anne at a     boarding school in Sweden. The Quaker headmaster I am living with dies sud-    denly of a heart attack. I have never seen this snuffing out of vital life before, or  a silent, grieving widow. 

       I am isolated by lack of language from family discussion. I take on the  role of silent servant. I write many letters home & journal intensely in my diary. I  realize I lose track of time & feel deeply myself when I am writing; I am vitally  alive in spite of my isolation. I am traveling in war-torn Germany with Daddy;     buildings are shell-pocked or bombed out. Beggars & amputees are every-    where. Even a 5-year old pet owner can say straightforwardly that his rabbit      will be killed for stew; that is what war has done.

    [At 16] I have gone out at dusk to watch the sunset. Summer Dusk:          How still it is & yet/ the night is breathing out a song/ &, though the dusk/             sifted through a star hole/ to earth, there are/ a million colors left/ pulsa-            ting here. // The mellow sky is curving/ like a shell which dips/ fluted edge         into the sea,/ close bound by rocks/ denying every wave's advances ...                the night to me// [is] as intimate & tender/ as a hand,// yet some-how a                 hand/ apart from me, sheathed/ in blue and silver glove/ through whose             fingers/ I glimpse eternity./// 

It is a joy sharing with my mother, [who has a passion for poetry & hymns].  I start reading Whitman & Sandburg.

       I AM: 17-21—[At 17] I am a senior at Westtown Friends Boarding  School. As part of weekend work-camps in inner Philadelphia, we go in pairs    to help elderly African-Americans plaster & paint rooms; we feel welcome &   useful. We visit municipal court Sunday morning where the desperate & drunk   are arraigned. We worship in local churches. On the way home in the street      car, I am swept over with love & connectedness with every worn, expectant,     or stolid-faced person sitting in that car; I'm not shy or afraid. We are a part of     each other. [At 19] I am attending a weekly cell group for meditation and sha-    ring. I am not maintaining a daily quiet time in the midst of academic pres-    sures. A Quaker faculty wife shares that her inner life goes in cycles. She      focuses intensely on activity and commitments for a time, and then withdraws     to read and refuel.

    [At 20] I am speaking at a Matins service during Oberlin exam week.     There is a drawing of weeds & turf in front of me. I pray that, like the sod, we     may be absorbent & resilient. [At 21] I am unclear about what comes after     college. Vocational aptitude tests split me between social work & writing. I am     aware of how focused & productive Dad is, & how confused I am about what     I'm good for, how ambivalent about nearly everything. He said, "If only you     could feel [God's love], [who] loves you for yourself, apart from anything you     accomplish or become." 

     Why can't I feel clear that there's someone there when I pray?          Why can't I feel God's support?     Why does God want us to worship     God?      Why did God let Jews burn & people in Hiroshima if He's so     powerful & loving? He said, "God gives us freedom to choose good or evil ...  God yearns for us when we're struggling ... we are infinitely loved by God."      He has faith. I don't. At least I'm a seeker. I don't feel a lot of joy.

       I AM: 22-28—[At 22] I need to tell a man that I'm breaking it off with him;  he doesn't appeal to me physically. It is painful. How do you break off a rela-    tionship gently & honestly? In creating a play about the Cana wedding, I     compare the blustering steward & the servant filling water jars, the latter ser-    vant's willingness and trust with my bustling, spiritual doubts. [At 24] I get en-    gaged to an architecture student. 6 months later he breaks it off because I     have crowded his spirit & [pressured] him to design low-income housing, not     corporate buildings. I doubt my ability to love. I go to the Harvard Education     School to become a High School English teacher.

    [At 27], I am interpreting a work camp photo display for UNESCO and     communing with Communist delegates. [It was good], using French & German  again, reaching out to young people on fire with Marxist idealism, finding com-    mon ground. Hildegard Goss-Mayr of Fellowship of Reconciliation has sought     the Cold War's end & needs comrades in the struggle. I am walking in a mea-    dow near the project site. I see a small 4-petaled blue flower. International     peace organizing is too rootless, too wordy for me. 

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   I need to work small & stay true blue & solid. I am drawn into life's para-    doxes. How can suffering & waste of life be explained if God is all-power-    ful & all-loving? [At 28], my heart has been open by another young man. I feel  very vulnerable at the thought of losing him. I write a poem about it & show it to  him. It connects him with terrible childhood loss; he withdraws, fearful of hur-    ting & being hurt again. Sharing & loving go together, dark or light. I am help-    less to do otherwise.

   With Heart Opened—Knowing you like this/ in all your strength,/ your         fierce and tender mystery,/ in all the sweetness of our joy/ I feel with sud-            den pain/ all loss as well—/ the salt of tears,/ the blunted waste of all the             world,/ the baffled hopes,/ the freedom bludgeoned out of men,/ the cross,        the bitter myrrh.

   I AM: 29-30—[At 29] I've endured European Diplomatic History to pre-    pare myself to teach World History as well as English. Mother is aware his-        tory isn't really my meat & is laboring with me about the direction my life is ta-    king and giving myself time to write poems. [After awhile of this] I blow up. Stri-    ding around the room, I tell her to start being somebody in her own right, and     stop being a martyr. And let me live my life.

       [At 30], I have been teaching high school English & history to college     prep classes for 5 years. My career, not inner leadings, gives structure to my     life. It has been satisfying to see students gain perspective on Cold War     rhetoric through Tolstoy, Dostoevsky, and Pasternak, but I am overwhelmed     with [broad teaching duties], & with heightened awareness of world power     struggles, inequalities, and the UN's fragility. How are we responsible for     tackling these problems?       What are my self-expectations now that I     see global injustice & waste of life?

    Walking up the street in bewilderment, I catch sight of children smiling  and playing. The smiling breaks open something inside me. I want to be with     young children for a change. That summer, I take care of 2 adopted African-    American sons, while their father goes overseas. At Pendle Hill in the fall, [I     feel drawn to] Rainer Maria Rilke and Albert Camus; my term paper is about     both/and. My soul's need is for a contemplative and a committed active life. In     December, a poem emerges about the beckoning of my inner God-child to take  time.

    What Then?—If I but gave/ the God-Child play within,/ if I but hon-            ored/ her ... shining in the dark/ cave of your eyes,/ if I meandered with             her/ in the wilderness ... What then might well up wordlessly into healing?

     I write an essay comparing writing a poem with [a message forming] in  Meeting: "The poetic process can [cut through] the trite, the easy, the [wordy     explanation]. It can help us to brave paradox, trust intuition, follow ... image [as  long as we don't] offer images for their own sake ... One schooled in poetic     discipline [can be pulled into and centered with a group, and be drawn] into a     final, listening whole which lifts them without words."

     I have come down into a deeper identification with mysticism. I do crea-    tive dramatics with ghetto children.

    I AM: 32-38—[At 32] I am heading the English Department at Francis     Parker in Chicago. I discuss deep questions in depth in small classes: When     must an individual risk challenging authority?      What moves people into  committing crimes?      How is racism oppressive to all?       What are the  pros & cons of having power? I am burdened by this prep school's privileged  majority. My life is not in tune with my deepest concerns; I have no partner to  share them with me. I turn to therapy to sort things out.

    [At 33] I am tramping with fellow Oberlinian, David Horn, through Chi-    cago's Morton Arboretum, a wild place within a big city. He is listening to, iden-    tifying, imitating bird calls. He is not very subtly looking for a wife to live with     him in some South Indian village, helping with agricultural development. Some   thing inside me shifts and opens. 

    [At 34], my husband David is sending out letter after letter seeking over   seas work. We apply to an adoption agency in Manchester, NH. Meanwhile I     am organizing & publicizing engagements for anti-Vietnam speakers. A num-     ber of the books Edith Hunter has written are about religious education from a     child's perspective. She is a happy, productive homebody and mother. I may be  able to let David carry the burden of social responsibility now with his hunger   fighting and give myself with clear conscience to family and writing.

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       [At 38], David is helping Senegalese villagers build a rice irrigation sys-    tem, while I read a book on Southern sharecroppers. I am moved and know I     also want to write about the lives of obscure folks who keep life going and lift     each other up. I try to describe the people who touch me on our trips in the     area. For the most part I am tied to the American compound with our daughter     Becky. 

       [At 39], I am raising vegetables and a lively pre-schooler in a house     [near] an Ohio college town. I brood on my Africa story until a story emerges.     What bears fruit besides the trees? I picture myself between my husband   and his African counterpart, trying to come close to the real Africa through     Etienne and finding his scorn of his [own culture] as barren as my husband's    driven-ness. Through contact with neighbor women and the natural world, I    glimpse something of real Africa's core vitality, but I know neither our family    nor the educated Africans are meeting its need.

    I AM: 42—We have been trying for 3 years to adopt a 2nd child; no     white babies are available. We are open to a minority child; the farm we want is  in an all-white school district. How am I too aware of pain, too sensitive to     pitch in & make a go of this challenge? International development money is    drying up for mid-level technicians like Dave; he stopped looking. This means     I'm not off the hook anymore as the helpmate of a hunger fighter among the     destitute. [There was little opportunity for social activism]. I am guided to pro-     pose a grant for a Community Learning Resources Project to enrich the  underfunded  schools in our Appalachian county.

    The week I received a grant from the Jennings Foundation to direct the  project, our local Children's Services changes its policy & offers us an 18-month  old African-American son with an alcoholic parent; he will need considerable     nurture. How can I best channel my love in the world, with my skills, or by  parenting a 2nd child? I made the choice to mother 1 child & use the grant  money. Through research, 3 of us created a directory of over 400 people, pla-    ces & free stuff to improve learning. I am moved by healthy pride & warmth     generated when we ask parents to help us make a 2-day local history muse-    um; they bring local artifacts & photos. I made peace with my decision. My     grant is renewed & I continue my work. I am constantly innovating, always     moving.

       I AM: 44-49—[At 44], In a Pendle Hill workshop called "Fairy Tales and     Clay." I play the oldest son, [who offended a dwarf with the secret to getting     water of life. I can't get water of life]; I can't meet expectations. I sculpt the     youngest son in clay, sitting down in leisurely to share with the dwarf. I hunger     to strive less, to slow down, be more receptive, to glow with mutuality. [At 45],     8-year old Becky is feeding gulls at the beach, paying attention to the young,    lame one. There is an emptiness in her we haven't filled. I am swept with    helpless love.

    [At 47], I help Dave with a cow we had to shoot, skin and quarter. I re-    member our Old Fashioned Recipe Book, which gives directions on butchering.  It is an awesome thing to cut open the miracle of her body, to handle her stea-    ming, intricate parts. I bond with David and the farm. 

    [At 48], I have been teaching English in a rural high school for 2½ years  and have just resigned. I haven't been sleeping because of too many course     preparations, grading papers, discipline problems, on top of child-raising,     housekeeping, food preserving, and farming. I am the daughter of a leader and  sought-after speaker; I have a Masters from Harvard and am trying to lift up a  downtrodden Appalachia; I can't make the grade. I call a nearby, Philadelphian  and co-counselor, who listens, refers me to another counselor, and gives me     the sense that everyone has dark nights of the soul.     

    I write a teaching story. Instead of finding rural students with special re-   verence for Nature, I find guys & gals who buck compulsory education, survive  & even prevail in the system without reading or writing. I become newsletter     editor & program coordinator at the local senior center. I work only ½-time to      avoid being too encumbered to hear the spirit. I am more spacious inside; vo-     cal ministry increases. I dialogue with inner voices and center through co-    counseling & journaling. They keep me in touch with continuing revelations.     [At 49], I am evaluated as having problems delegating & communicating with     staff. [Years of independent activity must give way] to a team operation. [I am     helped in this by a soulmate joining the team who is a breeze to communicate     with].

4

    I AM: 50-54—[At 50], my daughter is 14. I am close with women in the  Feminism and Faith group. Many of us juggle too many roles, as spouses, pa-    rents, workers, teachers, caregivers, as well as self-care. I help plan a ritual in     which we name and throw into the circle's center things obstructing spiritual     growth. As "Kali," destroyer/ protector goddess, I trample obstructions under-    foot. 

    I am amazed at my strength of feeling in my dance, [& in] my writing of  this experience for the new Quaker Friendly Woman magazine: "Kali's fierce     image has become important to me as a Quaker woman ... When I gather my-    self to destroy calm, utter dark feelings to my husband or co-counselor ... &     struggle through them ... new ways of [seeing] problems emerge ... I need to     resist things threatening my inner leadings ... We need strong woman images     to ... change [our fixed personal patterns]."

       [At 51], our Meeting has grown and moved. I tend to prepare things for  spoken sharing; I struggle to stop this. [At 52], my meeting promotes the issue     of conscientious objector & alternative service. There is strong, negative reac-    tion; brochures on that subject are barred from school. [At 53], I am in our pine  woods to get cow pies to manure asparagus beds. As I bend & straighten, my  body connects with East Indian & Native American women. We are part of the  cycle & sacred dance, where everything has purpose & richness. 

       [At 54], I look at needle as symbol in a workshop's guided meditation. In  the 1st 3 Gospels, Jesus tells people it is as hard for a camel to go through a  needle's eye as it is for a rich person to enter God's Kingdom. We live simply,  but we have land, 2 rental houses & tax-free bonds. David is researching     democratizing governmental processes & not worrying about breaking even.     We budget to see how much we can give away. How much security do we     deserve?

    I AM 55—The local campus ministry is organizing a conference on wo-    men's spirituality. Women are coming from all over the Midwest. I revisit the     Wedding at Cana that I presented 33 years  ago, this time from a feminist per-    spective. Mary is the catalyst who sees the need for more wine and moves     Jesus from reticence to engagement. Her voice affirms that the Spirit working     through him can find a new way to fill their need. 

    The servant voice is the body speaking, willing to be up and doing once  direction is clear. [A prayer is formed: May we see how plain well water of our  lives is full of the essence of celebration and can fill our emptiness. It suggests  the line from the old hymn: There is a fountain that living freshness brings. We  sing the hymn and drink toasts to groups in our communities that we believe     can find the power of the Spirit and develop new rituals.

       I meet with the local ministerial association. I suggest they raise with and  educate their adult Sunday school classes in the issues of the nuclear war     threat & military spending; they have never met a pacifist before. Their queries    are: How would you react to Hitler or Communists who don't believe in     God & seek to take over the world?      How would you address the fact     that the National Council of Churches are totally out of touch with the       grass roots?  [How would you honor men who were drafted & shed their     blood to protect freedom of worship]? 

       They don't believe that Jesus forgave those who don't believe in God;     they talked of "deterrence," "a big stick," & "the only language Communists     understand." One pastor says he is stretched too thin with every-day pastoral     duties. The priests say parishoners are only there for mass; no one commits     themself to anything. What is each clergyman's personal [story]? At least I     have joined the fray & am using all my powers.

    I AM: Still 55—I go on a Women's Peace March to protest nuclear build  up. Military spending is sapping funds for 3rd World agricultural development.     [Images of] African women pounding down their next season's seed corn into     meal to survive & a banner showing an ear of corn with a fetus inside [come     together in a poem]:

    Seed Corn—It is the evening/ to freeze corn./ Dark silk, ears/ angling         from the stalks,/ the kernels full/ of thin, sweet milk./ I strip the husks/ by             lamplight on the stoop, the tree toads trilling.// In my mind's eye,/ one                 banner/ made to honor life/ and ring the Pentagon/ on Hiroshima Day/ is a       fetus as brown as earth/ stitched snug inside/ an ear of yellow corn.// My              sister, with your needle,/ piercing heavy cloth,/ bearer of seed/ the bombs         could blast away,/ your image swells/ inside me, making me strong.///

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    In my mind's eye/ children whimper on a mat/ while black hands                 grasp/ a pestle,/ frail arms raise it.// high above a heap of seed corn/ in a             mortar,/ falter, lower it,/ swiftly scoop out/ 1 small handful,/ pound the rest,/           the precious kernels into meal.// My sister, with your pestle/ striking hol-            low sounds,/ keeper of lives/ the ruthless race for weapons/ steals away,/            your small, swift/ saving gesture/ burns inside me,/ making us one.//                  The moon climbs high,/ the water boils./ I blanch the yellow ears,/ cut off             kernels,/ scoop them into sacks/ and carry out the cobs/ to feed the                      cows.///

    My sisters,/ round in circles/ turn the years/ of sowing, weeding,/                  storing, feeding./ Always empty stomach/ needing us, the loving/ life sustai-        ners,/ us the kernels/ ground and eaten.// Still, we bear/ the seed of kno-            wing./ We know danger./ We are seers./ We are heeders./ Stitching, linking,/      sparing, sharing./ We must not grow weary./ We must not fall silent.// We             bear seed corn/ meant for planting./ Down in darkness/ we will sprout/ and         spring up. We will not be daunted./ We will not be pounded/ into meal.////

       People point me to J. Macy's Despair & Personal Power in the Nuclear  Age. I use her group exercises & join Interhelp, her peace workers' support     group, with its] press releases, newsletters, talk shows & phone calls.

    I AM 56—In a dream, I am driving through Carbondale, [where I heard a  real-life story] of a mother with 12 children and an alcoholic, mostly unemployed  husband. [My dream reveals] my old bike in a trashy vacant lot, with a foundling  baby in its basket. My dream symbolizes Vaundell Johnson's stories of coal     town women that need my attention, and need to be raised up and honored. It     haunts me for 2 years before I heed it.

       I attend an Arts for Peace workshop at the Ohio Nuclear Weapons  Freeze Conference. An artist there says, "You need to hammer home the main    points, interpreting them again & again. I go dead inside with this repetition,      even though I believe in the cause." At a "Demon Party," a friend & I come     dressed as Over-responsibility. The friend wears long lists & I carry a huge     sack. There is value in being responsive, but I have trouble setting limits. We     save small pieces of our costumes and burn the rest.

       My sister sends me a calligraphed quote from Thomas Merton: "[Activ-    ism and overwork] is a pervasive form of contemporary violence to which the     idealist fighting for peace non-violently most easily succumbs ... it kills inner     wisdom." I admit to activist/ therapist Sandra Boston de Silva the pressure I     feel to be a "key person" in the peace movement, & feelings of staleness. She     helps me redefine "key person" as one who can unlock people's hearts with      writing and listening. I seek to: reach to where the world is breathing; speak     from the core;     have small, slow loyalties; rocking & rejoicing. I need time to     write, to spend time  with Becky, my parents, & in-laws.

   I AM 57—I fear that in peace work I will lose my capacity for creative     writing. I fear poets are self-centered, unbalanced, elitist, irrelevant. 30 years     ago, I affirmed the leading that an angry Jewish refugee woman had to recon-    nect with her Gentile mother, who had disowned her. My efforts to support her     searched me to the core. My mother's gifts [to her meeting] are listening to     struggles, asking loving questions, and affirming the deepest thing in another. I    decide to go into training to be a therapist.

    I am meeting regularly with a spiritual partner and taking community  counseling classes at Ohio U. I find myself coming up against the assumption     that the goal is to be "in charge" of your life. I find my self committed to listening  for guidance from the Inner Light, not "taking charge." [Now] when I speak of  being "in charge," I mean walking in the Light with my deep center in charge,     not outward demands.

    I AM 57 and Interlocked—I sit with Dave's mother Flora on their back     porch. Dad Horn is dying of Parkinson's; she is his sole caregiver. She cele-    brates small triumphs & groans about complicated bills to pay. Our similarities     snap into focus. We forge a new comradeship that sees us through Dad's long  dying. I write poems.

     Interlocked—I like to rest my eyes/ on the chair you salvaged/ ... from        neighbor's trash/ & caned to give to me.// It looks like you,/ straightforward        sturdy,/ stripped to essentials./ Grain stands out .../ layered like years/ of            living stratified in rock.// Fibers of the seat/ are tough & tightly woven/ as            your hold on life,/ determined as you are/ it not be wasted.// I remember you        learned/ to cane so you could save/ this chair, learned/ to soak strips/ 'til            they would bend,/ bending stiff fingers,/ bending your will to do/ what you            with effort/ still could do.

     And in the process/ bonding with the rooted tree,/ the cane that carried        sap,/ the craftsman turning spindles/ on his lathe and rounding/ the knobs            that grace the top/ like 2 plump apples.// It was a way you found/ to save            yourself,/ weaving your life/ into the lives of those/ who once sat down ... on        this chair// and those of us to come/ who will sit here/ to lace our shoes up,/        peel potatoes, weep,/ watch sunsets burning,/ hold a child/ and feast toge-       ther.// You ... see shapeliness/ of things and rescue them,/ are interlocked            with us/ in saving patterns/ we hold onto/ sure as loving, true/ as going with        the grain.////

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       I AM: 58-60—[While I am 58] Dad is writing a bare bones chronology for  his autobiography. We want his story of inner growing, not realizing he has Al-    zheimer's. Mom needs to write her spiritual autobiography, but hasn't the     strength to write it. She agrees to tell it to me on tape from the central questions  I will ask; it is a time of deep sharing. There is power in remembered dreams,    golden Bible texts, role models, efforts in community, & late-blooming self-    confidence & feistiness. The spirit speaking to me from a 2-year old dream     gives me energy to draft a grant proposal to research & share life stories of     women from local mining towns ["... Reminiscences of Athens County Coal-    town Women: 1900-50"]; it is a dramatic narrative & a dedicated team effort.

       [At 60], I am floored that I am doing a "mental health assessment" on a     72-year old suicidal, alcoholic stroke victim who has had her leg [& life] ampu-    tated. She has lost husband, son, & grandson in the past decade. She wants to  go to a river bottom & never come up. I tell her how moved I am that she is still  here, being herself, not masking anything. The truth that she is still herself     although her body is different, leaps from my center to her center. By the time I  emerge, her spirit has moved from lostness to re-connection with a "Christ-    angel."    

       I AM: 61-62—[At 61], I am a visiting teacher of writing at Pendle Hill,  numb, exhausted, & monotone from helping my daughter Anne deal with her     husband Paul's death from a heart attack. I remember her late night agony     about what else she should have done to save him. [I have memories of the 4     days with Anne, & of Paul with his daughter Becky years before]. Finally I can     cry. My student/ friend tells me the community has suggested a Meeting for     Healing to share my loss with me. 

       During the gathering in Upmeads' living room, I am strangely fixed on a  slice of pumpernickel Anne cut for Paul when they thought it was just heartburn.  A strong conviction comes to me that Paul felt her caring as he died, that the  reaching out we do matters, whether or not it does what we want it to do; I     wrote a poem about it. I felt the Pendle Hill community channeling Spirit that     night.

    David has been diagnosed with Parkinson's. David becomes urgent to     complete a book on eliminating the gerrymandering of political districts; he     withdraws into his work, but emerges for quiet evenings, weeding together, or     hiking together to enjoy birds and wild flowers. Our tenderness toward the earth  and toward each other quickens. We are finding our way together into unknown  territory.

    [At 62], I have a Masters now in Community Counseling. I work hours of  supervised experience in order to earn my counseling license. My doctor tells     me I have bladder cancer. The Helen planning for a meaningful professional     future in counseling, who visualized caring for a husband with Parkinson's, who  could take body, diet, & energy for granted, is in need of care herself, as I go  through immunotherapy & drink carrot juice. Creatures which seem like totems  come in poems [with wisdom like] "Submit," "Honor the beast of burden (body)  who has carried your mind & spirit so far," "Give over leaping upstream," "Rest  like a pupa until wings grow."

  Agape—Have I given out?/ Bucked current,/ fought upstream,/ leapt            falls, released/ my roe, and now/ gone slack/ in some back water/ near                the source?// Is that the way I'll go?/ Frayed fins and faded/ glow, pale               ragged tail/ that barely wavers,/ body slowing drifting, bumping roots/ and            rocks, awash?// I am not bound./ I have no cycle/ like the salmon/ where I            have to/ head for home/ and spawn and die.///

     I am not spent./ I am too lithe/ & limber yet/ to let some clumsy/ bear            wade in/ & catch me/ as I flop.// But maybe I/ must flip/ into some new and        nameless shape,/ and let the current/ carry me downstream/ again to the            ocean.// There I see myself/ in school with many,/ all agape and slowly/                heaving, turning,/ feeding, learning/ how to sink and rise/ with tides,/ and            rock and rest/ within the very bosom/ of the deep.////
            My 60-member Meeting holds me in the Light; 2 members with cancer  share things to read & perspective. My separateness is blurring. I am merging     with fellow strugglers, searching for leadings, pooling our wisdom to keep afloat  and reach out to the world. I keep on counseling as a volunteer for Hospice, a  women's support group, elderly clients. I am drawn to younger people who stir  memories of struggling.  Cancer frees me to be a free child of God.  [For a  while] I avoid my old spiritual partner, but I finally call her to plan a walk. 

       The fathers of 4 of us in meeting have died this winter. I am energized to  plan a goofy April Fool's Day retreat, co-led by a dozen of us with a gift for play.  My cancer goes into remission, and [I have hopes of more writing and marke-    ting it]. I am unemployed. Lake Erie YM invites me to do a life review, to be     pump primer for others' recollections of their spiritual journeys. Ecclesiastes     writes, "Whatever your hand finds to do, do it with your might."

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330. Searching for the Real Jesus (by Roland Leslie Warren; 1997) 

       About the Author—Roland L. Warren was born 81 years ago in Islip,  Long Island of New England parents; he attended college at New York Uni-    versity. He is well-known as a scholar of community analysis and applied     social change. He and his wife have been very active in American Friends     Service Committee. This pamphlet rose out of Roland's preoccupation with    questions of religious faith and from reading some the gospel's source mate-    rial. He then explored what contemporary scholars had to say about the      historical Jesus.

       [Introduction]—A new generation of biblical scholars has made a     series of New Testament (NT) critiques that bother those whose faith is foun-    ded on the biblical Jesus. Such scholars deny the truth of fundamental quali-   ties attributed to the Divine Jesus, while others maintain the essential validity of  gospel accounts. As a Quaker, I have come to understand the issue is most     importantly that of putting under serious doubt the gospels' historical accuracy   and the unique divinity of Jesus. [My attention] centered on the Q source and   the Gospel of Thomas.

      The Q source is inferred, not an actual document. It's inferred from pas-    sages in Matthew (MT) & Luke (LK) that did not come from Mark (MK), which  was copied in both MT and LK. Its name comes from the German word for     "Source" (Quelle). Parts of Q are believed to be the earliest existing report on    Jesus after his death; it consists of Jesus' sayings. Burton L Mack writes: "In     Q there is no hint of [specific] disciples, no program to reform Judaism's reli-    gion or politics, ... no martyrdom with [universal] saving significance." Some    view these special NT characteristics as additions. How could Jesus's spe-    cial divinity be a spurious addition to the itinerant preacher/ teacher &     Kingdom of God story?     How were the gospel narratives either history     or fiction?

       The Gospel of Thomas was reported to have existed along with numer-    ous other gospels in the 1st 2 or 3 centuries after Jesus' death. No actual re-     cord of its text had survived until its 1945 discovery in Nag Hammadi Egypt,     translated from the original Greek into Egyptian Coptic. The Thomas gospel's     content of sayings lent credibility to the existence of the Q source; it mentions     a Kingdom not in the sky but at hand and "within you." Many scholars believe     the historical Jesus to be closer to Q and Thomas than the man portrayed in NT  gospels.
             THE JESUS SEMINAR—The Jesus Seminar's major cooperative work  so far is an edition of The 5 Gospels (traditional 4 + Gospel of Thomas). The     Introduction stated: "The question of the historical Jesus was stimulated by the  prospect of viewing Jesus through the new lens of historical reason & research  rather than the perspective of theology and traditional creedal formulations."     They believe one cannot take the gospel narratives literally, for they were not     written as objective history. Seminar scholars made the opposite assumption of  traditional scholars, i.e. rejecting passages unless the evidence supported their  historical validity. Seminar's criteria are: multiple attestation; distinctiveness     contrary to dominant religious culture; Non-Christianizing of sayings.
             The Seminar's rules of written & oral evidence: evangelists made revi-    sions to shape sayings according language or viewpoint; Jesus "says" Words     borrowed from common lore or Greek Scripture; knowledge of events taking     place after Jesus' death were included in sayings & narratives; only 30-50 C.E.  sayings & parables were from Jesus; gospel tradition's earliest layer is made  up of aphorisms & parables that circulated orally; Jesus' sayings & parables     cut against the social & religious grain; the saying and parables surprise and      shock; they call for a reversal of roles or frustrate ordinary expectations. Jesus    makes no claim to be the Anointed, the Messiah.
             Historical scholarship must look for purely natural causes, & not assume  supernatural ones. Jesus was an ordinary, not divine mortal with vast spiritual  gifts. Jesus' special divine character was developed later by gospel writers.     Seminar scholars gave no special precedence to the 4 gospels; they hold them  up to rigorous historical analysis. The Q source found in MT & LK is believed to  date from 10 to 20 years after Jesus' death (40 to 50 C.E.). Seminar scholars  maintain that the parts common to Thomas & Q are contemporary with Q. Ste-    phen J. Patterson writes: "[In] the early stage of Q, we find parallels in Thomas'  Gospel. Of the 79 sayings with Synoptic Gospel parallels, 46 have parallels in     Q.  They presume these sources more credible than the gospel. 
            Traditional Bible scholars see Thomas as an extract rather than a source  of the Synoptic Gospel. John D. Crossan dates parts of the Gospel of Peter as   contemporary with early Q and Thomas and uses these parts as an important  early source of the passion, crucifixion, and resurrection story. Most likely, MK  was the earliest gospel, written about 70 C.E., and that MT & LK were written  10 or 15 years later (80 or 85) with John (JN) appearing probably no earlier    than 90 C.E. and perhaps later. Some of Paul's Epistles, the early Q source     and, according to Seminar scholars, parts of Thomas' gospel, constitute prior     independent, sources.

       THE JESUS SEMINAR'S CONCLUSIONS—Perhaps their most start-    ling finding was that 82% of the words ascribed to Jesus in the gospels were     not actually spoken by him; some of the most revered sayings are fictional, as     are the stories that pre-date his ministry. The 5 Gospels states: "The Jesus of     the gospels is an imaginative theological construct into which has been woven  traces of the enigmatic sage from Nazareth." [These traces call for recognition  in their own right, freed from faith-driven rather than fact-driven writing]. [The     discounting of "non-historical" writing is done by more than Seminar scholars];  Thomas Sheehan writes: "The gospel stories about Easter are not historical     accounts but religious myths." Sheehan provides a useful chart of the "evolu-    tion of the Easter story" through the gospels.

       The gospel writers' tendency was to make the event fit the Greek trans-    lation of prophecies lifted from the Old Testament. John D. Crossan writes:     "The Old Testament prophecies aren't considered valid prophecies of Jesus'     coming, but simply sources evangelists used ex post facto to explain or legi-    timize what had happened. Critical scholars, including Seminar scholars de-    pict Jesus' preaching as timelessly counter-cultural. How can one remain a   Christian, testifying to Jesus Christ as Lord & Savior? 

      Scott McKnight asserts that "millions of Christians are deluded into thin-    king that Jesus was & is their Savior ... [they are being] brought into a myth     [without] roots ..." Where do you see God: in Caesar or Jesus? Marcus     Borg's wife is an Episcopal priest, so he lives in the world of academic study     of Jesus & the church; it is possible to combine [critical] study of Jesus and     being a Christian. Timothy L. Johnson writes: "When a so-called [Christian]     historian uses the historical method to deny the reality of anything [outside] of    what [history] can demonstrate, we suspect a certain defensiveness is at     work.    

      SOME AFTERTHOUGHTS—Paul's preaching the Risen Christ who suf   fered to atone for the world's sins is a great stumbling block to the reasoning of  Seminar scholars & similar scholars. His preaching took place long before gos-   pels were written. It also seems to me that the reasoning of Jesus Seminar     scholars is basically circular. Seminar scholars present a credible way of loo-    king at gospel texts: i.e. that Jesus was an itinerant preacher/ teacher who lived  & died as a human being, & whose sayings, deeds & status gradually came to  assume deification. Seminar scholars seem to demand I acknowledge that the  Jesus of history differs drastically from the Jesus of faith; to worship him as di-     vine is an act of faith built upon narratives which are mostly fictional.

       TRADITIONALIST CRITIQUE OF THE JESUS SEMINAR—The alter-    natives to the Seminar analysis are "in-errancy of the Bible," & combining cri-    tical historical analysis with affirming Jesus' special divinity Jesus & the bulk of    Gospel narratives. I wanted to see what scholars of equal competence would     to say in defense of the more traditional conception of Jesus as given in the 4     gospels. They were equal to Seminar scholars in knowledge, logic and being     convincing in advancing their view. 

       Of the 74 fellows in the Jesus Seminar, 14 are acknowledged leading   scholars, another 20 are recognizable as having produced important works on     the subject. The remaining 40 are relative unknowns. Luke T. Johnson writes     that the Jesus Seminar was "a far better example of media manipulation than of  serious scholarship, thus challenging the claim that the Seminar represents a  broad consensus. How can supernatural events be treated impartially?     Conventional scholars assert that to dismiss the possibility of miraculous events  without weighing the evidence is unscholarly. The gospel of Thomas' date is     important as to whether it is an early independent source. Estimates range from  40-50 C.E. to 170.

       Paul points out: "Crossan pays virtually no attention to ... Paul's refe-    rence to Christian origins. Crossan's accounts of Christian origins bypass     completely those in canonical writings such as Acts of the Apostles [& Paul's    letters; he prefers apocryphal to canonical writings, & very late non-Christian     sources to the NT]. The criteria that matter for determining authenticity are     those that make up the ... portrait that Crossan wishes to emerge." This evi-   dences a prejudice against the NT documents that can only be described as    historically irresponsible.

       It will be recalled that the Seminar scholars set out to be rigorous in their  analysis. They rejected 82% of Jesus' sayings; just because they can't verify     that Jesus said them doesn't prove that Jesus didn't say them. [If you review     rules of evidence from the Editor's 2nd paragraph of THE JESUS SEMINAR     section in this summary, you will see that] many of their rules of evidence per-    mit only that conclusion. Gary R. Habermas comments: "If one attributes a     Gospel report to ancient beliefs, parallels, or the author's style & believes that     this in & of itself explains it away, this is a logical mistake." 

       Darrell L. Bock states: "If we were to apply such standards to other  documents, whole shelves of ancient history would have to be excluded." Luke  T. Johnson writes: "These are not 'criteria', but assumptions attached to a pre-    determined vision of the Jesus who is supposedly sought." Johnson also     points out that The 5 Gospels accepts the good Samaritan parable as authen-    tic because it fits their preconceived notion of who Jesus must have been,    even though it doesn't meet all of the Seminar's rules of evidence.

       Craig L. Blomberg asks: How did a simple speaker of proverbs and  parables ever alienate the Jewish and Roman authorities of his day to     such an extent that he was executed in so gruesome a fashion? He then     points out that: "It requires the assumption that someone, about a generation     removed from the events in question, radically transformed the authentic     information about Jesus ... superimposed a body of material 4 times as large,     fabricated almost entirely out of whole cloth, while the church suffered sufficient  collective amnesia to accept the transformation as legitimate. Scott Mcknight  claims: "Such a Jesus would never have been crucified, would never have     drawn the fire that he did, would never have commanded the following that he     did and would never have created a movement that still shakes the world."
             THE CASE FOR THE GOSPEL ACCOUNTS—The authors of Jesus  under Fire & The Real Jesus critiqued the Jesus Seminar scholars & defended  the NT's authenticity. We now turn to the latter. The issue is whether such     events actually happened. Denying their possibility is to brush away the pro-    blem. Even without the NT, Luke T. Johnson writes: "We would be able to con-    clude from the non-Christian Josephus, Talmud, Tacitus, & Pliny, Jr. that     Jesus was: a Jewish teacher; believed to have performed healings; rejected     by Jewish leaders; crucified under Pontius Pilate ... His followers believed he      was still alive, & spread ... so that there were multitudes in Rome by 64 ...      people from cities & countryside, men & women, slave & free, worshiped him     by the 2nd century's beginning. No other historical figure has been so care-   fully & consistently researched.

        Blomberg asserts: [Christian divinity] beliefs emerged early in the his-    tory of the church [i.e. within 5 years of the crucifixion]; we may not chalk     Christ's deification up to a late stage in the development of Christianity ... [So-    lutions to early controversies could have been written into the gospel, but] not     once does Jesus address many of the major issues ... that loomed large in     the minds of Christians, [who] were interested in preserving the distinction be-     tween ... Jesus' life and later debate ..."

      If the gospels were written at different times by different evangelists, de-    cades after the crucifixion, it seems plausible that they would show some dif-   ference in choice of events to record and language to use. Darrell L. Bock     writes: "Each Evangelist retells the living, powerful words of Jesus in a fresh     way for his readers, while faithfully & accurately presenting the 'gist' of what     Jesus  said." The most massive task confronting conventional scholars is the     historical authentication of the miracles performed by Jesus, including the     supernatural resurrection.

       William Lane Craig presents strong arguments for the authenticity of     the resurrection, resting his case largely on the empty tomb. [This pamphlet's     author cast the argument as]: Suppose Jesus did not rise from the dead, and      asks the following questions:
            [Resurrection Queries—If Jesus' corpse was still there, how could     his disciples maintain that he had risen?       Why would Jewish authority   acknowledge the empty tomb by claiming that Jesus' followers had stolen  his body?       Why didn't Jesus' follow the custom of venerating the     graves of their dead leaders?        Why would Mark's "fictional account"     have the empty tomb discovered by women, when a better "story" would  be its discovery by Peter or another disciple?        

       How would Paul be convinced of "false" eye witness testimony;  why would he stake his preaching & life on it?        Why were there no     other rumors & alleged stories, no competing traditions of the burial &     empty tomb?        How could disciples go on proclaiming that Jesus had     risen with Jesus' [corpse present as a damning contradiction]?        

       Why would Jesus' disciples use the "incredible" story of the phy-    sical resurrection of a dead man when they could instead declare the     presence of the Holy Spirit of Jesus with them and energizing their lives?        How would the Christian movement, based on the Risen Lord, have an  amazing rise without a verifiable resurrection?        [How can you have a  Christian based on a naturalistic belief that the resurrection couldn't have  happen]? 

       There is considerable different of opinion, even among these more con-    ventional NT scholars as to whether the appearances [following Jesus' crucifi-    xion] were visions or flesh-and-blood appearances.
            THE CHOICE IS OURS—Once miraculous events aren't excluded from  scholarly assessment and analysis, the traditional scholars make a credible     case for the essential veracity of the gospels. So, we have 2 contrary, unbrid-    geable thought systems. Is Jesus: remarkable human or Godhead? There     seems to be little or no dialogue between them. Each side inflexibly defends its  position, seeking only to refute the other side and have its own side prevail.     Each side recommends different books; the only book they have in common is  the peripheral book edited by James M. Robins on The Nag Hammadi Library.  The authors of Jesus Under Fire do not even list for suggested reading The 5  Gospels, the subject matter of their entire book.
            Gunther Bornkamm writes: "To make the reality of God present; this is  the essential mystery of Jesus." Millions of devout people find that Jesus helps  see what God is like, and what God wills for us humans; but many have the     nagging suspicion that the real Jesus was only a human being, though a      great one. No matter how we as individuals come out on this question, both   sides have provided us with a serious basis on which to take up the arduous    task of establishing and grounding our own beliefs. Luke T. Johnson writes:    "The resurrection experience that founded and that grounds the church is     based on ... the experience of power through Jesus by generations of people      across the centuries and continuing today, [not on the original Easter]."    

       Howard Brinton writes: "The Word or Light proceeding continually from     God to create whatever is good in the world dwelt fully in Christ and by mea-    sure in all as human beings. For this reason Quakers did not take pains to     distinguish between the Eternal Christ and the historic Jesus. It is often hard to  tell of which they are speaking. For George Fox it was not the degree of lear-    ning, but the experience of God's presence that fit one for ministry. "Being bred  at Oxford and Cambridge was not enough to fit and qualify one to ministers of     Christ."    

       It is misleading to apply the factual world-knowledge's standards and     truth to the spiritual world's Truth, for this Truth is not amenable to factual veri-   fication. I consider the scriptures to be a help in defining my relationship to    God; but they are not the main source of my faith. That source is the direct    experience of God which lies in me and potentially in all human beings. I find     that many thoughts on the traditional and critical sides of biblical criticism are    worthy of high respect. For me, religious faith is not based on the historical    accuracy of the gospels. It rests on the experience of God's presence.

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331. Communion for a Quaker (by Nancy Bieber (1997)

       About the Author—Since Nancy Bieber's 1^st meeting for worship   nurturing silence 18 years ago, the Religious Society of Friends has watered     seeds planted by her Church of the Brethren childhood: a desire for God; & to     follow God's leading. After receiving calling & training, her service has included  1-to-1 & small group spiritual guidance, retreat leadership, religious education,  writing. She has a practice in psychology. This pamphlet has its roots in the     Love Feast, foot-washing, Communion of her childhood, & is the fruit of study &  prayer.

       The Questions—Philadelphia YM wrote: "The absence from Friends     worship of outward observance of the Lord's Supper & baptism is due to em-    phasis on the reality of inward experience ... In meeting for worship at its best,    they know direct communion with God & fellowship with one another." Toge-    ther we had experienced a Spirit which overflowed into speech for the gathe-    ring or guided one silently to a communion of love & compassion, a Eucharist    of joy & gratitude. 

       Why [do I seem to need something] more than "direct communion  with God"? The act of communion continued to haunt me. The repeated acting  out of a Catholic friend's faith in communion showed her faithfulness while it     strengthened her commitment to the church community & to Christ. I began to     wish for a ritual which would feed me and renew my commitment as the bread     and wine did for her.

      Childhood Communion—We received a symbolic Lord's Supper, & ate  a real supper of rice soup, beef and bread; we washed each others' feet in re-    creating Jesus' actions. I knew something holy was going on, but it hadn't       reached or changed me. I was sure there was something I was missing. Some  youthful communicants feel untouched by ritual; some people have memories     of youthful communions filled with deep spiritual meaning & God's presence. 

       [One youth was angered by] prayers for Viet Nam soldiers that ignored  what they were doing & turned to Quaker plainness. In her old age she longs     again for outward, visible signs. Quaker silence & simplicity seem an incom-    plete answer to my joy & gladness on occasions such as Christmas. Clearly     worship through the Communion sacrament also has power to enrich lives of   the participants. How can a Quaker deal with the paradox of wanting     meeting for worship & Communion? What is Communion's attraction?

       Explorations: The 3 Gifts of Communion—While Catholics have 7     sacraments, most Protestants use only 2, baptism & communion. Communion     is to be enacted regularly. A detailed definition which is frequently used de-    scribes sacrament as "an outward & visible sign of an inward and  spiritual     grace"; the inward effect is a gift of God, not something we are causing to     happen. The physical embodiment of spiritual reality surely is a strong attrac-    tion of the sacraments. How very human is our need to experience God in     concrete & tangible signs.

    As I talked to people, 3 strands of Communion's meaning emerged.        Though the strands often are inter-woven, they each carried their own unique     blessing. 1^st, meaning is found in the strong experience of a united community,  sharing the same ceremony, leaning together into the presence of God. The     blessing is in the gathering itself. [Truly coming together] is both a requirement  for the celebration and a gift of the sacrament.

    2^nd, there is remembrance & commitment. The focus on Christ's pre-    sence can help to bring our scattered parts into coherence & wholeness; it can  help us remember. Through the Communion sacrament, we remember & then  commit ourselves to living from a Christ center. Just before he was shot, Arch-    bishop Romero said: "This holy Mass, this Eucharist, is an act of faith. This     body broken & blood shed for human beings encourages us to give our body    and blood up to suffering and pain ... to bring justice & peace to our people." 

    Some experience the bread & wine as miraculously transformed into the  body & blood of Christ; others see the elements as symbolic. The 3^rd strand of  meaning found repeatedly through Communion participation is the experience     of the presence of God. Sometimes experiencing God's presence is more of a  head-knowing, without mystical awareness. Mystical experiences come when  the membranes which keep us from an awareness of things of the spirit grow  permeable to us. Direct experience of God remains a gift, and is not amenable  to schedule.

    Early Quakers and the Sacraments—Quakers, from their beginnings  in 17th-century Britain, have shunned the outer acts as no longer necessary;  the living Christ is already present and within us. Robert Barclay urged tole-    rance of those who still "indulged" in Communion. For Penington and Friends      like him, the act of swallowing the bread and drinking the wine was wholly     divorced from the spiritual reality; there was no vitality left in the outer form.     British Church practice of the time left members woefully undernourished in     the graced reality of God's presence. For Friends, the power of the spiritual      awakening they had experienced required their drinking & eating directly from    the inner reality, the inner truth. All scheduled, institutionalized ceremony   carries the risk of not matching one's inner state of being.

       I once took Communion at Britain's magnificent Salisbury Cathedral. I  appreciated the sacrament's ceremonial richness, but its heart missed my    heart. I was too concerned with religious etiquette. It is too easy to go through     the motions & remain untouched, to play a role with God. It dries up the spirit    & leaves us thirsty, [or beyond that, with a dull habit]. Quaker meeting for wor-   ship can also be an empty form, a mere habit, which can fail to nurture atten-     ders. The blessing of a real sacramental experience can come in a flood, a     trickle, or not at all.

    Finding Communion: A Deeply United Community—All of life is  graced with God's presence & can be a source of the inner & spiritual gifts of     sacrament. Howard Brinton writes: "Any act is sacramental which is a sincere     genuine outward evidence of inward grace ... sacraments are innumerable."     Quaker understanding of sacramental experience as being in daily life is very     similar to the Catholic understanding of sacramentals, sacred experiences out-    side of the formal sacraments. We can all be open to the sacramental gift in     many settings.

    The 3 strands of Communion meaning which I identified provide a good  starting place for finding [wider] communion experiences. On what occasions  did I experience: deeply united community; a commitment to compassion   ate service; A strong, real experience of God's presence? Sometimes I     have only been partly open to them. Daily life's sacrament varies. It may touch  one gently or carry us within a full stream of grace.  We could label every     experience we have sacramental & fail to appreciate the depth of a powerful     sacrament.

      In church celebration of Communion, worshipers become 1 community     through the experience. A young girl in the US & a young girl in Germany wrote  to one another faithfully. WW II interrupted correspondence, which continued  after the war, along with packages & gifts. Although Lucille, my mother, & Lotte  never met, my family went to Germany, visited Lotte, and had tea. The tea be-    came a living communion experience, representing a bond between Lotte &     Lucille. Even shared pie & coffee can be communion, if it embodies decades of  being neighbors, sharing efforts, boundaries & bounty. Another way of loving;    another flavor of communion.

    The gift of deep community feeling seems most consistently expressed  through actual food, eating it, enjoying it, sharing it. Jesus wandered through  Galilee teaching, and was accused of eating with Jews and Gentiles, outcasts  and sinners. Eating together speaks of hospitality. Such powerful experiences  can begin ever expanding communion circles. Everywhere communion is pos-    sible if only we have the eyes to see it, the heart to recognize it, & the willing-    ness to participate in it.

       Reaching in Love Toward the Other—In taking on the Christ-quality of  living for those in need, we receive the 2^nd transforming gift of communion for a  Quaker. Quaker communion signs of Christ-qualities are those living symbols of  our compassion, our reaching in love toward the other. On one of a Friend's     worst days, someone visited & they took a long walk together. That someone     was like Christ, a compassionate companion who shared suffering by simply     being there; the experience was sacramental, a symbol of living communion.     Giving time & money, energy & thought toward a more just world can be a living  symbol of communion commitment.

       A minister friend handed out sandwiches & coffee to the homeless, & felt  like he was passing out communion. The encounter was sacramental, and the     food and drink signs of communion experience.  My Quaker Meeting has a     member-made patchwork quilt. The quilt is passed around to whoever needs     support, nurture, [& the love reflected in the quilt's making]. The makers may     have been deeply changed by the giving. The experience of a close, united     community is the start of acts of service & of living for another. 

       The larger the program & the further removed one is from the front lines,  the easier it is to lose sight of the main experience, & lose one's hold on the     center of what one is about. A deep experience of community leads to the ac-    ting out of love & compassion. The act blesses both the giver & receiver, dra-    wing both into a loving, compassionate community & communion.

       In God's Presence—The 3^rd strand of communion, closeness to God,  embraces the other 2. God is present in my conversations with close, spiritual     friends, but when one calls for prayer, we turn openly to listening to the Pre-    sence as we have been listening to each other. A conference call with God.     Our prayer together regardless of distance, has become sacramental experi-    ence. Intimate experience of the Presence may be a quiet opening of an in-    ner door, a blaze of intensity, in wrenching grief or great joy, or it may take us    by surprise on a life-plateau.

    "Communion" as Gerald May calls it, flashes of union, remind us that  this is what we are all about. [As part of a send-off for my eldest daughter go-    ing abroad as an exchange student, my family lay entwined under the stars in   a park.  I was] cradled in more than family love; universal loving was all    around. Where is the Quaker's sacrament of communion? Sometimes it    grabs us unexpectedly, sometimes we eagerly anticipate it.

    The Challenge—By looking around in my life and in others' lives I find  many communions [involving] community, giving of self to another, & intimacy     with God. I had found communion could live within daily life. Sacramental rea-    lity, may touch us any time and anyplace. It requires us to live in deep aware-    ness of God's presence and of the planet-wide circle of our family. If life is     ablaze with sacramental potential, why do we experience communion so     infrequently?     How can I take the time to live sacramentally? 

    We must live the specialness of a Christmas or an Easter every day.     The challenge is to enlarge our capacity to realize and welcome the commu-    nions in our midst. Sacramental living in daily life takes us beyond the 3     strands of the communion sacrament to include a whole pattern of living; it      opens us to receive the sacred in life. Sacramental living can be solitary, an     individual reaching and affirmation of the sacred bond to God.

    Space to Experience Sacrament—The 1^st step is to believe that the     potential for sacrament is always present, even in the plodding ordinariness of     just another day. The 2^nd is to live so that our lives have the space to experi-    ence sacrament. Days are stronger when half-filled, rather than well-filled.     Half-filled days, with space built in to pause, can in some blessed way be the    most deeply filled days of all. 

    A century ago in Quaker communities when people visited each other,     it was not unusual for a silence to fall [upon the gathering].  There was a     space built into their days to receive the happening. We may find it now takes      more effort to live our days less than totally filled. The greatest difficulty is     taking the bits and pieces of pauses we have and really living them while     waiting for: a red-light turning; coffee dripping; a late client; before beginning   chores.

    We need to treat community and compassionate service for others as  deep spiritual experiences rather than required accomplishments. To pause     in our lives and to be spacious with our time is very important. We need to     give ourselves physical space. Many people find it helps to be outdoors. Even    a view out a window helps, or a piece of nature can still one's heart and bring    a rich awareness of Spirit. Little natural things on a place like a windowsill,   create a sacred space for me and remind me of the sacredness of all space.

       A Tool which Readies Us—The 3^rd step in encouraging sacramental  awareness is to create meaningful events which help open us to the sacra-    mental's presence in our lives. [The event creates the space for the sacra-    ment], not the experience of sacrament. Church rituals exist because they     have helped bring worshipers into readiness to receive the gifts of sacrament. 

       How would you adapt a part of old familiar ritual so that it is a rich  aid to spiritual deepening in your daily life? [Perhaps it involves music, a    beautiful picture, a candle flame. Follow whatever image or aid speaks to you.    For a ritual to be a window into sacramental experience for you or a group, it      is important that it be discussed & alive for all members. Which strand of   communion [i.e. community; commitment to service; presence of God] is    most central to [the ritual's] & the group's purpose?

       One Quaker family [enacts at home a ritual strongly reminiscent of the  Lord's Supper]. A simple group ritual of joining hands or linking arms in a circle,  & being aware of the others as unique containers for the Inner Light, can pro-    foundly bond participants into community; personal story telling also creates a     bond. Rituals & group support for a person's call to a special service is valuable  for everyone, as in the traditional laying on hands.

    It is an underlying purpose of all religious rituals to bring people nearer    to a sense of God's presence. Oddly similar to group silence, the indistinct     murmur or music of chanting brings a deep awareness of those others around     me who are reaching toward God even as I am; dance and music have similar  effect. The creation of such events for ourselves is limited only by what is full of  life & meaning for each of us. What kind of rituals could be created for the    workplace, for the playing place?       What kind of meaningful acts could   be created for times of sorrow or times of joy? When the act becomes a       dry habit, it is time to unload it [and seek a new one]; keep the old one close     at hand, for it could revive years later.

    All of life holds the potential that will, as Tilden Edwards says, tilt the     balance in God's favor. We can welcome and participate in the gifts of com-    munion through silence and sound, through our stillness and through our     actions. The sacramental experiences of communion in our daily lives bring     the 3 strands mentioned here [into a prominent place in our lives]. The real     sacrament of communion is never by rote. It is always being freshly born into     meaning, newly born into life. We can live a willingness for communion to hap-    pen through us, to us, and in our midst.
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332 The Burning One-ness Binding Everything: A Spiritual Journey 

(by Bruce Birchard; 1997)

    About the Author—Bruce Birchard has served Friends on the Peace  Committee of Philadelphia YM, National Coordinator of the Disarmament Pro-    gram (American Friends Service Committee; AFSC), as Friends General Con-     ference (FGC) General Secretary. He got involved in the anti-war movement,     [became a conscientious objector (CO)] and did alternate service. This pam-    phlet is based upon addresses given to Baltimore YM ('94), Philadelphia YM     ('95), Southeastern YM (96), as a witness to the movement of the Spirit in his     life.

    There is a Spirit Which I Feel (by Kenneth Boulding)—Can I, impri-    soned, body-bound, touch/ The starry garment of the Over-soul,/ Reach from     my tiny part to the great Whole,/ And spread my Little to the Infinite Much,/     When Truth forever slips from out my clutch,/ And what I take indeed, I do but    dole/ In cupfuls from a rimless ocean-bowl/ That holds a million million million     such? ... some Thing [of] the cosmos [and] Law/ Moves too in me: a hunger, a    quick thaw/ Of soul ... As I ... of creation, sing/ The burning oneness binding   everything.

    INTRODUCTION—I grew up in a small-town Presbyterian church, went  to college in '63, lost my Christian faith, felt openings to the Spirit, and found     Quakers. I joined Friends, became a pacifist, a CO, worked for Philadelphia     YM, and AFSC, in support of peace and disarmament; I learned from 2 bouts of  cancer. The religious Society of Friends is at risk of becoming a social Society    of Friends. [Besides] personal growth, and testimonies, we must strengthen    and deepen spiritual lives, personally and corporately. Our meetings can only    be vital if we find, and seek to understand, experiences of the Spirit. Child-    hood beliefs about God and Jesus no longer made sense.

    My journey has been both experiential & intellectual. I am in the Chris-    tian tradition, though by Christian creedal definition, I'm not one. I know there     are many paths to God, but I haven't explored them; Christianity and universa-    lism are not mutually exclusive. [My] 3 paths to the Spirit are: beauty; love;    and worship. I find [certain] contemporary theological writings relevant to the      spiritual and moral struggles of our time, and of my own soul.

    My images of God are not the traditional western images of God. [The     poem above] comes very close to expressing my "cupful of Truth" about the     Spirit. "The burning one-ness binding everything" is an important name for the     Spirit. Some say unprogrammed Friends base our faith so thoroughly on [indi-    vidual], direct experience of the Spirit that [we can't] understand one another.       A wise Friend said: "Our experiences of God's Spirit differ, but any true expe-    rience of God includes a convincement of the unity of all in that Spirit." [The     name of God I shared] gives me faith that we indeed have a basic unity only    by sharing our religious experience. If we keep them to ourselves, we shall    diminish our religious society to the vanishing point.

    EXPERIENCING THE SPIRIT: Beauty—In 1967, I had been snow-    shoeing through the White Mountains of New Hampshire. We climbed Mt.  Garfield, traversed a long ridge and dropped into a narrow valley. That night I     walked alone to the stream which tumbled down a rocky face under ice and     snow. High above the surrounding peaks, the wind tore at the clouds, pulling     them to shreds, blowing them fiercely off to the east. A full moon rose over the     eastern ridge, backlighting the cloud-shreds to a luminescent white. Awe and     comfort both overwhelmed me. I am one with this marvelous, Spirit-filled,  beauty throbbing creation.

    I have often felt estranged from my concept of "God." My hunger to     return to the mountains, rivers & streams, to the tree and meadows, is a hun-    ger for the Spirit. The forests are temples for me. On mountaintops, I feel     closer to the Spirit when surrounded by Beauty. I am often moved by experi-    ences so many kinds of art and music (jazz and both Western and Asian clas-   sical). We have all been moved by beauty. When this happens, we're respon-    ding to God's Spirit-filled creation. Beauty in any of its multitudinous forms is    only a short step from the contemplation of beauty to the expansion of spiri-    tual consciousness.

    Love—I experience love in very specific terms: with friends, for stran-    gers, and even at times, "enemies." Demie Kurz & I share so much with each     other, but we are still distinct individuals; we aren't "2 peas in a pod." Good     times are a part of love, but it's the trials & struggles that forge the closest     bonds. We've always felt a commitment not to walk away, to hang in there    until the intense heat subsides. 

    We have each helped the other make profound changes, but only while  being reassured of the basic acceptance, the foundation of love, that underlies  it. [Every crisis worked through left behind] good feelings, and a stronger rela-    tionship. Among our strengths was our interest in [constant dialog about our     children and even the other's parental behavior]; this wasn't always easy to     hear. Now, we are working with our teenage sons to help them build respectful  relationships of equals.

    [Demie's] love helped me deal with the most terrible fear I have ever  known. I will never forget the 1,000 volts of fear which seared me when my     doctor said he could not rule out malignancy of the lumps I found on my neck.     Demie said that I should call Stephanie, who was a neighbor and a skilled co-    counselor that I had used before. I shared my fears with her about losing my     grasp on myself, so overwhelmed was I with the fear of cancer. After I broke     down & sobbed for 45 minutes, Stephanie made herself totally available to me. 

    The next morning, I know that I had to acknowledge and experience my  fear, and go all the way into it. [Friends from all over supported and prayed for  me]. After chemotherapy and remission, I began to recognize the grace I had  found. I had learned so much and my spirit was stronger. I have experienced  such love over and over, throughout my life; such love is a manifestation of the  Spirit mediated through those closest to me. If you have never experienced true  love for the world, or for other people, or for something outside yourself, you  can't love God.

    Worship—I had to work at worshiping. It doesn't come for me with bells  & whistles or visions of God. [I did a lot of thinking in meetings for worship,     about] events and people in my life, the suffering in the world and my pro-    blems; I wasn't going deeply into a direct encounter with the living Spirit. John    Punshon said that it takes work and continued with:  "Get a good coach.      Work at it. And know that you'll fail frequently and never be as good as you      want to be." [I did that] and I began to understand that the Spirit is all around     me, within me.

    Traditional Javanese music theory holds that music is always in the air,  around us. That's how it is with the Spirit. I am always in the Presence; I need     spiritual disciplines to help me hear it. In a centered, peaceful place, I'm begin-    ning to feel an acceptance of what is. I'm genuinely holding people in the Light.  I often imagine the Spirit as a stream, flowing constantly around and through     me. I'm learning to launch myself into the stream of Spirit, to flow with it, to feel   it supporting me as I ride the rapids & face life's dangers, fears, beauty and    wonder.

    How do I know that this experience of the Spirit is real? The inward  and outward lives make a whole, with the Spirit transforming my actions; they  are 2 aspects of the same experience. It led me to 2 years of struggle with     Selective Service, alternate service as a CO, and giving up graduate school     and an academic career. As I learn more skillfully to sense the Spirit within    and without me, I find myself more often in a place of calm and peace and joy.    I'm easier to live with when I'm centered; I live easier with myself. [Transfor-    mation of ourselves and the world around us] is how we all judge whether or     not others, and we ourselves are living in the Spirit.

    UNDERSTANDING THE SPIRIT—In my spiritual life, I had to go beyond  the immediate experience. I feel compelled to understand this Spirit's nature,  which is a spiritual & an intellectual effort; there is no clear line between the 2. [I  share the fruits of my efforts to understand, because failure to understand, to  share our experiences & understandings of the Spirit, can only impoverish us.  Within theologically diverse meetings, we require radical openness to divergent  experiences & views. I hope to contribute to the collective experience & wisdom

   I am careful about using the word "God," because of traditional Christian   concept of God. Elizabeth Watson said: "God is vaster and deeper than  any-    thing we conceive of, and it is presumptuous of us to try to name God." The    God Moses encountered refused to be defined by a name. I too cannot define    God. The term" Spirit is more flexible, open-ended than "God." We can only    think & talk about God metaphorically, with images which are meaningful poin-    ters to God's true nature. [We need to be] flexible in our metaphors for God,     just as Friends have been, and continually develop new images and models of   God which are appropriate to our times and understanding of the universe.   They should be relevant to the great moral and social issues of our day.

    When I worship, when I go to the center in meditation, I feel the Spiritual  Stream's power as it washes over through me, & I am filled with inner peace &  joy. The Stream courses through all creation; it is a loving & creative power that  can dramatically affect our lives. I don't dialog, argue with, supplicate, or "pray  to" God. We must take ourselves to the stream, kneel down & cup our hands to   drink it. 

    Marcus Borg describes the traditional Christian concepts based on En-    lightenment thinking of God as a disinterested deity or an occasionally interve-    ning supernatural God as: "Both are products of the Enlightenment, which re-    moved God from the world. Both ... image God as separate from the world ...     [&] stress belief in & affirmation of an [unavailable] God." Borg describes a my-    stical understanding of God as: "God becomes an experiential reality. In the     Jewish tradition, God can be known in that direct & intimate way, not merely   believed in ... God isn't ... remote & transcendent creator, but [rather] all     around us, "the one in whom we live & move & have our being" [Acts 17:28].

    A Creation-Centered Theology—Sallie McFague disagrees with the  traditional Christian model & metaphors, with the world as a mechanical appa-    ratus, and God as a fixer under the metaphors of "King," "Lord," "Master," "Al-    mighty Father"; these are inappropriate for today. Obedience & homage is ex-    pected, rather than love & joy. [Mechanical, hierarchical, & dualistic language     is inappropriate today. We wonderful humans are: [co-stewards, co-careta-    kers, co-trustees], co-creators and partners with God. [Everyone and every-    thing else] depends on us for survival, and the creation of a holy blessed     community, traditionally called "the kingdom of God."

    The relationship between God and the created universe is an intimate  one "in which all things have their origins in God and nothing exists outside of     God." We err in seeing the world as sinful; many abuse the earth and its crea-    tures as a result of this error. We err in focusing on salvation rather than crea-    tion. Annie Dillard writes: "From 1/10⁶ of a gram of matter, unimaginable unity     [before the Big Bang], has evolved unimaginable [numbers] and diversity, not     only in the vast galactic realms of the universe ...  but also, in equally incon-    ceivable ways, on our planet." 

    All of us, life and inanimate things, are all made from "the ashes of dead  stars." God, in some manner unknowable to us exists "beyond" the universe     which we know. God is "embodied" to us in the universe. Here we can, in part,     know God. [The Spirit by itself is too abstract]. The world, with its beauty and     love, as the Spirit's incarnation or embodiment stirs in me the feeling of imma-    nence which I seek.

    Suffering & Evil—Any thinking about God must include consideration of  evil & the terrible reality of [creation's] suffering. In the peace & justice move-    ment with Philadelphia YM & the AFSC, I had to face a global reality of hatred &  violence; Demie and I visited Auschwitz in 1979. The death camp in Auschwitz,  (Birkenau), was a mile-square factory designed & operated by educated engi-    neers, architects & administrators to kill people quickly. Within 18 months, some  2,000,000 people, more than Philadelphia's population, were ["processed"].

   How could God stand by & permit such suffering, or the long his-    tory of suffering?     Of the 3 who had cancer the same time I did, why did  only 1 other survive? Job was right to keep asking, "How could you do this  to me, a righteous man? People of faith have been doing their best to answer  these questions for millennia.

    God simply does not intervene directly in human history. God is the  power in the universe's creation, evolution, worship, love, and beauty. I align     myself with the God stream's current, and I emerge from it cleansed and     calmed; it is not in the nature of a stream to relieve suffering. None of the     traditional explanations for how God could allow Rabbi Harold Kushner's son    to die from a rare and terrible disease, spoke to Kushner in his grief & anger.      He was convinced God could not intervene as suggested by traditional Chris-    tian-Jewish theology.

    [God's Martyrs & the Devil's Martyrs]—Some terrible suffering de-    stroys people, making it impossible for them to find the Spirit. Others, in the  midst of terrible anguish & suffering, find incredible strength, courage, & love.     Dorothea Soelle asks: "How does our suffering serve God or serve the     devil, the cause of becoming alive or of being morally paralyzed?     Where does my suffering lead?" The forces of despair & disbelief have     their martyrs, the "devil's martyrs," where a death weakens other people's     faith in God & God's world. It isn't the circumstances of their death that     makes a sufferer witnesses for or against God. It is our reaction to their death.

    The facts of life & death are neutral. We, by our responses give suffering  a positive or a negative meaning. [The witness to suffering transforms the suf-    ferer into God's or the devil's martyr, making witness & sufferer either bitter,     jealous, joyless, against all religion, or stronger, more loving & joyful. Evil is a     separation from the Spirit. It is a terrible, tragic ignorance of the love, beauty      & power that is the Spirit. The Spirit is always available; it does not act on its     own in response to tragedies; it cannot intervene directly to make everything     all right.

    JESUS & CHRISTIANITY—The notion that a loving father would deli-    berately send his son to excruciating torture & death, doesn't make sense to     me. The Religious Society of Friends & I are both solidly within the Christian     tradition. I know of Christians who are filled with the Spirit, whose inner peace     is  outwardly evident, and that I must return to my roots and give Jesus a new    try. I now recognize Jesus as [flesh & blood], a great rabbi, prophet, & teacher,    who was grounded in the Spirit, who expressed God's fundamental reality. It    is a great tragedy that Christ becomes elevated to such a high extent, that he    is now inaccessible except as an object of worship.

    For Marcus Borg, Jesus was a man who knew God intimately, through a  deep, direct experience of God, whom he called "Abba." The "Prodigal Son"     contradicts conventional wisdom of the day, which rewards duty & diligence.     The father rejoices & celebrates with the lost son who has returned home in a      display of God's love for the lowest of the low. The dominant message of 1st-    century Judaism was like Hinduism of the caste system, with holiness based    on purity & avoiding the unclean, [be it food or folk]. Jesus fought the interpre-    tation of what it meant to be a good Jew & confronted the established church's    hypocrisy [Mark 7:6-7; 18-22 cited].

    Jesus knew that Israel's salvation could only come if the Israelites re-    turned to God, whom he had experienced as a God of compassion, of love.  Jesus loved all people. The scandalous nature of his associations [would today  include] drug dealers, child abusers, arms merchants, the Posse Comitas.    Jesus said these were the people who needed him, and that God loved them.     Jesus believed that the only way for Israel to avert the catastrophe he saw loo-    ming on the horizon was to create the loving, compassionate "kingdom of     God."

    Jesus accepted the terrible torture of crucifixion out of love and com-    passion, demonstrating to everyone that he was prepared to suffer even the  agony of the cross out of love for them, and for all people. Albert Nolan writes:     "To save one's life means to hold onto it, to live it and be attached to it and     therefore to fear death. To lose one's life is to let go of it, to be detached from it  & therefore to be willing to die [for people rather than a cause]. 

    Jesus did not go to his terrible death in order to start Christianity, or to  fulfill some prophecy, or to save the world from sin. He accepted it because it     was simply a terrible consequence of the compassionate way he lived with the  people and world he loved, a demonstration of how selfless divine love can be.  It was not love for some abstract or future world, but for the world and the peo-    ple he knew and cared for.

    Jesus' Life & Creation-Centered Theology—What might "loving  things in particular, [in order to] love the world" have to do with today's     understanding of the world as interdependent? Sallie McFague extends     Jesus' inclusive love for all to all creation. Nature is "the new poor," abused &     exploited by modern men & women. Suffering & oppression includes animals,     plants & the earth itself in her understanding of Jesus' life & message. 

   Extending Jesus' example of concern for physical healing and "spiritual"  salvation to all creation, his ministry of healing should lead to work for healing     all. We should understand that all creation, even the least of it is included in     divine love. McFague believes that God doesn't cause tragedies, isn't directly     responsible for suffering, but that "God is with us in the consequences." God is  with us in suffering, because all parts of creation, are parts of God's body. The  good of some will occur at others' expense; God cares about all victims.

    Marcus Borg suggests a tranformist understanding of the Christian life:  "... a journey of tranformation ... that leads from life under the lordship of culture  to the life of companionship ... relationship with God. That relationship ... trans-    forms us into more & more compassionate beings, into the likeness of Christ."     This understanding truly speaks to my condition. I can be transformed. Recog-    nizing the essential unity of all creation, I can extend my love in practical ways  to the entire earth and everything within and upon it, [without exception].

    THE BURNING ONE-NESS—Where does the potential for transfor-    mation leave me on my journey? I understand the Spirit to be the power     within the creation and evolution of the universe, and as creative, responsive     love, binding together all that exists within the universe, into one blessed "king-   dom of God." We are all one in creation. I sense our spiritual unity, as human    sisters and brothers, and in the entire creation, when I worship. 

   In the deepest sense, my individuality is an illusion. When we feel sepa-    rated from the Spirit, when we feel separated from each other, & from the earth  & the universe, we are living in sin. Only when we feel separate from the earth  and all life on it can we go on destroying it. When we experience the Spirit, we  feel a marvelous sense of oneness, of connectedness with everyone & every-    thing else. Even facing suffering, death, and evil, if we can open ourselves to  the Spirit, we will be reconnected through the Spirit's love.

    When we truly live in the Spirit, we must work for the relief of suffering,     for liberation from all oppressions, for justice, peace, and the integrity of crea-    tion. God needs our hands and hearts to carry on this work, to save each     other, and the earth itself. The ultimate test of our response to the Inward     Work of Christ lies in how we relate after worship to our fellow human beings     and to all things in God's creation; it is how we live it. [As we join together in    our different understandings of God's nature], in love to ride the turbulent     currents of life, to witness the living Spirit's love and power, we will truly ex-     perience "The burning one-ness binding everything."

    APPENDIX: "Get a Good Coach—In order to "get a good coach," I     have 3 suggestions: get involved in the wider world of Quakerism; read books &  pamphlets; involve Friends around you in new worship experiences, in reflec-    tions, & in study. Attend sessions of your yearly meetings, & the Friends Gene-    ral Conference (FGC) Gathering, take workshops, get to know more Friends.     Invite seasoned Friends to lead a workshop or retreat at your monthly or quar-   terly meeting. FGC & Pendle Hill have programs that provide speakers and re-    treat leaders.

    Much of my coaching has come through books and pamphlets. Most of  these books and pamphlets are available through the FGC Bookstore. Pam-    phlets are available from Pendle Hill, FGC, the Quaker Universalist Group     (England), Quaker Universalist Fellowship (USA) & other Quaker publishers.     Among the authors important to my journey are Parker Palmer, John Punshon,  Daniel Seeger, William Taber, and Elizabeth Watson.
           Seek out a "spiritual Friend" in your meeting with whom you can regularly  share your spiritual journey (See "Sharing Our Journey," from Philadelphia YM's  Quaker Studies Program). Start a special worship group or Bible study class for  people with a particular interest or concern. Arrange for a workshop or leader     for your meeting from FGC Religious Education Program or "Pendle Hill on the  Road."

http://www.pendlehill.org/product-category/pamphlets
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333 Walk With Me: Nonviolent Accompaniment in Guatemala 

(By Peg Morton; 1997)
            About the Author—Peg Morton is an active member of Eugene (OR)  Friends Meeting and a volunteer with CISCAP (Committee in Solidarity with the  Central American People), Witness for Peace, and NWTRCC (National War Tax  Resistance Coordinating Committee). She has traveled to Guatemala 5 times    as a short-term accompanier and to study Spanish; she was an observer in the   El Salvador elections (1994). Ruth Evans typed up numerous of my handwritten  newsletter from Guatemala, which were the basis for this pamphlet.

            [Bishop Samuel Ruiz's (Mexico) Queries (1994)]—How can we join     in an encounter with ethnic groups so we can walk together on new     paths of mutual & just relations?      How can we wash a way discrimina-    tion & substantially reduce the economic & social disparities that sepa-    rated us for generations?      How can we generate new attitudes, throw       off our egoism?      How can we create economies that don't pauperize       & kill?

    [Introduction]—At North Pacific YM (1995), we concerned ourselves  with society's racism, & our [Friends'] Society's lack of diversity. In silent wor-    ship I "watched" Jesus and the Samaritan Woman at the well. US Friends are     mostly white. We are called to go out into the "colored world" to form real warm  relationship, and to be ready to receive their ministry; the Spiritual Source's  "water" came to me.
            In 1994, as a Witness for Peace, I accompanied refugees from Mexico  to Guatemala. The Witness provided protection from the hostile army & death      squads present in Guatemala. I was sick with diarrhea, & was delaying the    caravan. I, who had come to be of help, received ministry. This is a deep les-    son that I learned as an accompanier. [As we] go into the world, we find suf-   fering, poverty, injustice, & we will find strength, persistence, courage, & depth   of spirit that comes from struggle. We will be humbled & receive Living Waters   that revive and deepen us as individuals & Meetings. [I had that experience], &   it affected me deeply. I hope you gain awareness of accompaniment's nature    and the depth of the nonviolent resistance of the people I was accompanying. 

    Nonviolent International Accompaniment—It is one part of a long &     important history of nonviolent resistance & action going back to the 1960's.     The World Peace Brigade [now Peace Brigade International (PBI)] provided a      presence in the Zambian independence movement, the Chinese-Indian bor-    der conflicts, nuclear weapons testing, & in the Cyprus resettlement project.     The 1980's saw this again in response to oppressed & marginalized Central   American people. The brutal forces of these countries are much less likely to   act as oppressively when an international accompaniment is present. News of   an accompanier being killed or tortured will be reported; news of an assassina-   ted local ordinarily isn't. Accompaniment provides security & psychological    support.

    PBI was founded in 1981, establishing long-term teams in Guatemala,     Sri Lanka, Columbia, & Haiti. In Canada, teams accompany communities in the  Mohawk nation near Montreal. PBI works with the Balkans Peace Team Inter-    national, & occasionally brings short-term delegations to countries, & accom-    pany threatened popular movement leaders. Witness for Peace fields long-    term teams in Nicaragua & Guatemala. Short-term delegations commit to     sharing experiences & knowledge with others, & to changing US policies.

     The idea of international peace teams, trained in mediation, nonviolent  skills & cultural sensitivity, is growing, & is being considered by some countries  & the UN. Friends has a Friends Peace Teams Project. [Other groups include]:  Peaceworker, founded by David Hartsough, Servicio Internacional para la Paz  (SIPAZ), Balkans Peace Team International, Alternatives to Violence (AVP),  Loretto Community, and the Guatemala Accompaniment Project (GAP).

     Accompaniment in Guatemala takes many forms, with mostly young  people from European countries, Canada, & the US. The Lorretto Community     (Denver) provides accompaniment to Guatemalan leaders who live in exile &     return to Guatemala sometimes as part of their work. Many are a presence in     communities of refugees now numbering in the 1,000's, who settle & resettle in  jungles & mountains. Isolated communities are threatened by army outposts, &  "Civil Defense Patrols." International accompaniers live in communities, provi-    ding literacy training, child care, recreation, farming or construction; most im-   portantly, they are simply there. The GAP organized to provide accompaniment  to returned refugees, & provide church & "home bases" for accompaniers.

    Guatemala: My 1994 Accompaniment Experience—In 1945, Guate-    mala created the 1st democratic reform government in the history of the coun-    try. The land reforms designed to aid Mayan & campesinos threatened the     United Fruit Company's interests. In 1954, a CIA-managed coup d'etat toppled  the government & put in place a military-dominated government that reversed  the reform policies, put the oligarchy back in power & renewed the violent     repression & impoverishment. [While officially democracy was restored in 1985,  the struggle to ensure fair treatment of isolated communities continued around  the time of this pamphlet's publication.
            [In a report in 1999, the UN-sponsored Historical Clarification Committee  (CEH) stated that the state was responsible for 93 percent of the human rights  violations committed during the war (1960-95), the guerrillas for 3 percent. They  peaked in 1982. 83 percent of the victims were Mayan. Both sides used terror  as a deliberate policy]. US policies that have led to ongoing CIA, Defense Intel   ligence, & direct military involvement in, & toleration of Guatemalan atrocities,  have been going on for many years. How will Congressional monitors hold  the CIA accountable and ensure they send different signals to Guatema-    la's lawless military commanders?

    Those staying a ½-year or more, & fluent in the language, can relate  more deeply to people. Others like myself, with less fluency & time are invited &  welcomed. In my 1994 experience, from January to May, I visited several com-    munities briefly, I accompanied refugees part of the time. I felt spirit-led in this     journey; there was an amazingly smooth flow to it. It was intense & fatiguing,     but also beautiful. [My inner child encouraged me to go] & accompanied me.     All 6 communities I visited had a: small health clinic; school; plastic wall or no      wall; church; stick huts; metal or thatched roof; open fireplace; small store    (tiendas); soccer field used daily. They had education, health promoters, &     catechists, & women's organizations. Medicos del Mundo (Doctors of the     World) or Medicos sin Fronteras (Doctors without Borders) provided potable     water, doctors & nurses.

    Nueva Esperanza (Chacula): 1/5-18—I began by providing accompa-    niment for a refugee return from southern Mexico to Guatemala; there were 12  of us. We received an in-depth orientation & met & planned with accompaniers  from several European countries. I asked myself: Will I come too, on the path  of these refugees? Will I join their struggles? What does it mean for me?  My companion, Laura & I, were let off beside the steep hill called Bella Vista, a  forested hillside dotted with huts. Looking from the hill, we could see distant  Guatemalan mountains. We found a circle of returning refugees under the  trees, & introduced ourselves.
            I stayed with Lola & Francisco & their family of 7 children in their tiny 2-    room hut. Lola was a small woman who didn't talk much, but quietly managed     her large family. Each child followed her or his role without complaint. [We     learned chants by the light of wicks in kerosene]. The older children could read  the chants; the adults couldn't. The teenager Catalina had her 1st experience  of cleaning someone's home, [and glowed] with the feeling of growing up. The    families loaded their possessions, even the roof of their huts onto large cattle     trucks.
            We camped out beside the road, to guard possessions stowed in the  truck, & to wait for the buses' early morning arrival. Laura & I rode on the buses,  one of us per bus; there was a day-old infant on my bus. [A bus & truck convoy,  with refugees & belongings] from many camps assembled in a Mexican field  near the border; the UN supplied a breakfast. [There was a Mayan Nobel-Prize  winner (for I, Rigoberta Menchu) in the gathering. She lost father, mother &  brothers before she fled Guatemala, traveling & speaking in Europe & North   America].
            Our caravan of 1,000 refugees, 37 buses & accompanying cars and  trucks, crossed into Guatemala. 9 year-old Guadelupe from "my" family sat     with me & stared at the homeland she had never seen. We were welcomed     by 100's lining the road, holding UN flags. We drove north for 12 hours up a     winding road near Guatemala's western border to Chacula, a former cattle     plantation, which the refugees called Nueva Esperanza (New Hope). 

    Accompaniers lived with several families, sharing their "galerias" of blue  tarp, & metal roofs. Even with blankets they were given, people were cold in     this windy, rainy, cloud-forest climate, especially women & children. Despite    the conditions, people were full of energy, exploring their land, meeting to de-    cide where to locate their homes, discussing ways to raise cash, forming their     cooperative. Half the population was children, and they were everywhere. A 9     year-old from "my" family held my hand wherever we went.

    [4/8-11]—Neuva Esperanza, like most of the returned refugee commu-   nities, faces threats from the Guatemalan military, especially from an army     camp nearby.  3 months later, the army camp was gone after a challenge by    the government Human Rights Procurator. I returned to visit Nueva Esperan-    za, [& got a warm welcome back]. My visits provided security from the army, &     deep psychological support, & recognition from the international community.     During this visit they moved to temporary houses, mainly built out of metal roo-    fing. The schools had lots of children, no furnishings & few supplies, taught by     young, barely educated teachers. 

    Once on the public bus, we were stopped by 2 small, skinny armed men  from the Guatemalan National Revolutionary Unity (URNG), who ordered us all  off the bus, handed out leaflets  & urged us to join the group.  Group Queries:  How can we be strong bridges between 2 worlds?     [How do we commu-    nicate that we "have the same moon" in common with the new settlers]?          How will we continue to walk with the people, to step outside of our     lives and move with others?      What kind of symbol can we be to the   new  settlers and to the people back home?      How the community take     shape?    How will I take shape?

    The Ixcan (2/24-3/22)—In Quetzaltenango, [located in the southwestern  Guatemalan highlands], I studied Spanish for a month. I then went to Ixcan     near the western border with Mexico. There was a large cooperative move-        ment there, started by Maryknoll priests who obtained land there; it had    proved a great success, growing cardamon. The army, using Vietnam counter-   insurgency tactics, massacred people, burned villages, and assassinated     priests. 

    Many fled to Mexico, others were put into army-run "model villages."  Some fled deeper into the jungles and mountains, becoming Communities of     Populations in Resistance (CPR). They resisted the army non-violently by for-    ming self-governing, tight communities for security & survival. They had to flee   the army, which accused the CPRs of being guerilla, yet they survived for more  than 10 years. I stayed in a CPR for a week.

     When the government balked for a long period in the negotiations for     the First Return in 1993, refugees began walking from Mexican camps into     Guatemala; the official, legal 1st Return came after that. In the 2nd Return, after  fruitless negotiation, refugees walked long distances to lands near the land they  own, and were negotiating to resettle. That land might be occupied by others  brought in by the government or the army. International accompaniers were and  still are, a part of the strong nonviolent movement. Without our participation,    these returning refugees would be in tremendous danger; repression would oc-   cur more easily. Accompaniers went home with a deeper knowledge of the  true nature of nonviolent resistance. After receiving letters of introduction from     representatives of the refugees and the CPRs, I was able to travel to Ixcan and  stay for a month.

   Centro Veracruz (CV; 2/24-27)/ Victoria 20 de Enero—CV had become  a temporary stop for refugees as they flowed back from Mexico to wait for their  land to be vacated; they lived in crowded conditions with inadequate latrines.  People expressed their weariness, but kept up their spirits. I was there 3 nights.  Families made money from small stores, or from weaving hammocks. I went to  school with the children, and watched them enthusiastically do their lessons. I  bathed & washed clothes in the river. Accompaniers were there from Switzer-    land, Denmark, Germany, and the US; most had been there since December.
            I spent 3 weeks in Victoria. It was large with some 2,000 people from     different Mexican camps. The population was double the size that the land     could support. The had to wait for land mines and marijuana to be removed     from the farmland. When I came they were having their first harvest. A spiri-    tual message to me was that I was to listen, which I did with my whole body.     Several sections of Victoria had huts for accompaniers. We had our own kit-    chen-dining area with an open fireplace, and huge bags of oats and rice. Ac-    companiers and visitors came and went, some on their way to CPRs. A  group     of accompaniers from the Basque region of Spain settled in another  hut, with     the plan of staying several months.
            My hut was next to the large church, built out of sticks with a thatched     roof. My job was, 1st & foremost, just to be there. I had the tasks of typing land  agreements for the residents, making 13 copies using an old-fashioned type-    writer & carbon paper, to staff an accompaniers' office, & keep a journal of their  activities. I observed various long meetings, [particularly] the Grupo sin Terra  ((GsT) Group without Land) working on talks to find and buy land on which to  settle; GsT eventually settled in Xaman in south-central Guatemala, site of a     massacre by the army in 1995. Work was being done to train women in literacy,  leadership, health & rights.
            Children flocked to our hut to use our paper and crayons, to taste the  weird food we cooked up. I sat & chatted with women crocheting outside their     huts. 400 local women celebrated International Women's Day with a 2-day     observance. I felt a powerful & hopeful energy, sitting with these women. There  was a workshop for church catechists, and ancient marimba music. Men and  boys invited me to come with them as they cleared a path for supplies through  the jungle with machetes. 

    Survivors of massacres were going home again. Others who tried to     return home were branded guerillas by army propaganda. The group I accom-    panied to Xalbal to reclaim their land, now occupied by other settlers, decided     to take the issue to Guatemala City to pursue legally. The army claimed there      was a war going on, that gave them the right to be there, to block trade and     harvest crops; I saw no evidence of fighting. The army left after 3 weeks, but     came back off and on to harass the Ixcan communities.

    The CPR Pueblo Nuevo I (March 12-18)—I was able to join a small     group that was to be guided through the jungle on the 2-hour walk to the near-    est CPR of 200 to 300 people, where I spent nearly a week. The CPRs of the     Ixcan had been running from the army since about 1982-early 1994. On 2/8/94,  about 5,000 people, mainly the CPR population, along with accompaniers from  Guatemalan and other human rights organization, church groups and interna-    tionals, walked out of the jungle to locations, jungle clearings, where they pub-    licly announced they were going to settle. 

    By the time I arrived at my CPR, it was about 5 weeks old.  [There I   learned the 10+ year history of CPRs]. The men and older boys left each day     at 3 am for Victoria to carry metal roofing for the school. A person qualified in     health education came from Victoria to conduct vaccinations and classes in      sanitation and birth control. When told about the presence of the army, the      men decided that they would stay put, counting on increased international      awareness and the presence of international accompaniers for their security. I   prepared supper with Julia, and ate with her and Jose Luis.

    At 7 am Jose would set out with the other men to work & prepare the  land; the products were shared. More fertile parcels of land, owned by the     oligarchy laid fallow. I went back to Victoria, & a few days later left again with 2  young Danish women who had become my friends. Queries: How can we     bring about real change? How can we open the eyes of our families &     friends, as we live our lives & let these things happen? When I was resting  in a hotel in Guatemala City, I realized the extent of my emotional & mental     exhaustion. I went to Meeting for Worship there, & was invited to share my     experience at that time. Later, in the Mexico City Friends Center, I was again     invited to share, [as part of my promise to let others know what was going on in  Guatemala].
            Interim, Campeche and Home (April 26-May 5)—I enjoyed worshiping  on Palm Sunday with Mario Rolando and Maria Luisa Lopez. There, I imagined  the refugees to be like Jesus, returning to Guatemala in triumph. How can we  avoid inaction, or anything less than full support and solidarity with the     refugees after they return home? I was disappointed to learn that the pre-    sence of the Witness for Peace was to be severely cut the following year, for  lack of funding. 

    I visited Evangelina Rodriguez Lopez at the Campeche refugees camp     on the Yucatan Peninsula. I attended some of the meetings at the camp, where  they were negotiating for property in the region where many of them had lived  before the massacres. The forests of the area were being destroyed, probably  by thieves from Belize and Mexico and some of the Guatemala military. They  asked me to report on the situation in the Ixcan, as they have very little access    to information.
            Re-entry—Re-entering my own country, I faced the dramatic contrast     between the lives of the people I had been with & my affluence; it was gut-    wrenching. Friends' simplicity takes on new meaning, [when we see it in the     light of] exploitation of the south by the north. Their poverty & suffering, their     exploitation, their rich cultures & courage, call out to us to walk [& work with     them]. How can I     work effectively? Being in a loving community, supporting  and being supported is an important component and source of my growth and     strength.

    Desert monks, men & women in Christianity's early centuries, when     faced with the depth of their demons & frailty, were drawn into unity with hu-   manity. Henri Nouwen urges us to make time in our lives for solitude & silence,    to meet our demons, [embrace] our common humanity & learn to live from     spiritual centers. The struggles of the homeless & unions here are the same    as landless campesinos' land occupation & maquiladora workers' struggles    in Guatemala. Struggles of people of color against white racism are every-   where; solidarity must cross borders, just as multinational corporations do.    Currents of [coordinated] activities are becoming stronger.

    [Healing Water Prayer]—Healing Water, wash away [life] clutter ... so  that my life flows in the Spirit./ Help me to know what is important./ Help me to    make space ... for the Waters to flow around me ... revive ... give me life./ Wash  away mind clutter,/ opening up quiet reaches of my soul ... Wash away our     hearts' coldness ... the pain we inflict ... our conceit ... Open our country to the     Spirit,/ warm our hearts, open our souls to the pain;/ Take away our isolation    from the suffering of others ... We are a country in chaos. Rain on our chaos,     clean away our poisons, release the Spirit's air so that we are touched.

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334 The Bosnian Student Project: A Response to Genocide 

(By Douglas Hostetter; 1997)

     About the Author—Doug Hostetter, a writer and nonviolent activist  who has worked in war zones around the world for 3 decades, is the Inter-    national/ Interfaith Secretary of the Fellowship of Reconciliation (FOR) in the    United States. For the past 4 years he has also been the Director of FOR's      Bosnian Student Projects. He served on a committee that reports to the World     Council of Churches on the subject of Christian pacifism.

       [Luke 10: 25-29, the Good Samaritan's prologue, which ends with the  question "Who is my neighbor?"]

    The neighbor my father had coffee with [daily] stole everything from  our home & burned it down—Damir

    My next-door neighbor now lives in our home. They use everything  that once belonged to us.—Dalila

    My best friend was raped all night by Serbian soldiers. It was 3 days  before she could talk.—Alisa

       The National Library of Bosnia & Herzegovina—On August 25,     1993 the Serb army shelled the National Library from the mountains surroun-     ding Sarajevo. The old City Hall was turned into the Library in 1945, with      more than a million books by Bosnian Serbs, Croats, Muslims, Jews and     others. Volunteers formed a book brigade and saved thousands of books.     More than a million books, as well as documents, manuscripts, and rare books    were lost to the flames. Serbs, Croats, and Muslims were directly involved     with the Bosnian Student Project, proof that multicultural societies can't be       destroyed by shells and bombs.

    Introduction—The Bosnian Student Project of the FOR helped more     than 150 Bosnian students of all ethnic/ religious backgrounds to escape     from the war zone and continue their education in the US. It saved the lives of     students and gave Americans something positive to do in the face of an     overwhelming tragedy.

       [During the Vietnam War], I volunteered to do my alternative service with  the Mennonite Central Committee in the Tam Ky war zone in Vietnam. I orga-    nized schools and teachers for children displaced by American bombing. The     Quakers in Quang Ngai and their Vietnamese Buddhist staff taught me tole-    rance & inclusion. They patiently helped me to understand that God has chil-    dren in all nations and followers in all religious traditions. I have since spent my  life working with people of faith to explore the power of active non-violence in  the war zones of Vietnam, Nicaragua, El Salvador, Israel/ Palestine, the Per-    sian Gulf, and Bosnia. Before FOR, I worked for 7 years at American Friends    Service Committee's New England Regional Office.

       My Mennonite ancestors in 16^th century Switzerland were persecuted &  killed by the Christians of their day for deserting the state church & for refusing  to kill in God's name. The Bosnian victims' sole crime was coming from a reli-    gious tradition different from that of the occupying army. In 1914, a peace con-   ference of European religious leaders in Switzerland broke up after Archduke    Ferdinand was assassinated in Sarajevo, Bosnia & World War One started.     Henry Hodgkin, a British Quaker, & Friedrich Sigmund-Schultze, a German      Lutheran pastor, continued their struggle for peace. 

       The FOR was founded that same year, in the midst of world war. Their     statement of purpose is in part: "The FOR is composed of women & men who     recognize the power of love & truth in resolving conflict ... This effort must be     based on a commitment to achieving [through non-violence & compassionate     action] a just and peaceful world community, with full dignity and freedom for     every human being." The German pastor was arrested 27 times during WWI,     and later exiled. Even Henry Hodgkin faced enormous pressure from the Bri-    tish government. This essay is the story of the Bosnian Student Project.

    Background: State, Religion, & Identity in Bosnia—Yugoslavia was     originally composed of 6 republics and 2 autonomous regions. In the early     1990's, Slovenia, Croatia, Bosnia & Herzegovina, and Macedonia voted to     secede. Slovenia and Macedonia seceded without major incidents, but Croatia,  Bosnia, and Serbia have been involved in a war for over 5 years costing over  250,000 lives. Serbia is mostly Orthodox Christian; Croatia is mostly Roman     Catholic. Bosnia is multi-cultural. The percentages of ethnic Croatians, Serbi-    ans, and Muslims is 18%, 33%, 45%, respectively. The remaining 4% is Jews,     Albanians, Italians, and others. Ethnic Serbians and Croatians are considered     citizens of Serbia or Croatia, respectively, regardless of where they live. Serbia  employed "ethnic cleansing" of communities with minority Serbian populations  to bring ethnic Serbs into Serbia.

       [The former Yugoslavia runs from northwest to southeast along the Adri-   atic Sea to the southwest, 573 miles long by 235 miles at its widest. Slovenia     takes up a small space in the northwest corner. To the southeast, Croatia is     roughly shaped like a horseshoe; the inner curve surrounds Bosnia; there is an  eastern border with Serbia. Bosnia is roughly triangular; it shares its southeast  border with Serbia & Montenegro. Serbia is east of Croatia, Bosnia, & Monte-    negro and makes up over a ⅓ of the former Yugoslavia. Macedonia is in the  southeastern corner]. They are bordered by: Italy, Austria, Hungary, Romania,  Bulgaria, Greece, Albania, & the Adriatic Sea].

    The Concern—As stories of rape, murder and concentration camps  began to emerge in 1992, FOR began searching for ways that US citizens     could respond to this enormous tragedy. An American Muslim delegation to     Croatia discovered thousands of displaced Bosnian students; Croat and     Bosnian armies were fighting in Bosnia. The students organized into Students    of Bosnia & Herzegovina to try to find a way to continue their education. [A     New York Sufi imam tried without success get scholarships for them]. He called  FOR and asked for a meeting. The imam asked: "Is there anything that FOR  can do to help the thousands of Bosnian students unable to continue their     education because of religion? Could FOR help to find scholarships & homes    for some of these students? Thus, the Bosnian Student Project was placed in     our hands.

    How the Project Started/ Impact—The project started with Bosnian     university students trapped in Croatia, and expanded to include high school and  college, inside and outside of Bosnia. [The logistics of matching students with  schools and families seemed overwhelming, as did getting them out of the war  zone & to the US, often without any school records to work from]. FOR offered  a large office with equipment, admin. support, some of my staff time & a net-     work of local FOR groups & religious peace fellowships. The project's strengths  were: it was elegantly simple; it empowered individuals (they could promote     participation in some part of the project); it offered a positive, neighborly, state-    ment of faith (and was clearly against war and genocide); it offered a partici-    patory model of interfaith cooperation.

       Whenever I spoke about the project, I took 1 or more Bosnian students  along. The students & their audience experienced pain in reliving war's trage-    dies. Telling these stories had a cathartic & empowering effect on the students;  they were participants, not helpless victims; they inspired listeners. The stories  the young people told broke American stereotypes that societies which suc-    cumb to ethnic violence & genocide lacked education, had poverty, or a fanati-    cal, violent religion. 

       [These students] (& the leaders who had organized the soldiers who  drove them from their homes) [were well-educated]. [The students enjoyed     past-times common to the US & Bosnia, & American culture]. The Bosnian     Student Project could help anyone who wanted to get involved to save the life     of one Bosnian student, & help that student continue his/ her education in the    US.

    Some Student Stories—Many of the Bosnian students had been driven  from their homes and deprived of the ability to continue their education by     "Christian" armies or governments which had slaughtered or expelled from their  area all people of other religious traditions. American Christians [reached back  to] the much older Judeo-Christian tradition of hospitality, compassion, and     love as practiced by Patriarchs, Christ, and the apostolic church. [The Chris-    tian love shown to them by Christian families and schools came as a shock to    many of them].

    [Lejla]—As a [white], Bosnian Muslim student from Mostar, she was           a freshman at Sarajevo University. She returned home, where she was        shelled by Serbian Christians, then driven from her home & shelled by               Bosnian Croat Christians, who 1st came to help. They escaped to Croatia,           where she went to university until Croatia declared Bosnian Muslims foreig-      ners, without rights to low fees or housing. The Bosnian Student Project              found a full tuition scholarship for Lejla at Iona College and a home with an          African-American Catholic family.

    [Dino, Methodists & the Project]—An evangelical Methodist lay-             man had heard of a Mennonite school offering scholarships. After prayer        & discussion, his prayer group decided they had a Christian responsibility      to help Bosnian Muslim students. A local evangelical Christian college of-          fered scholarships to Dino & Emir. [After difficulties], FOR suggested that            the group sponsor other students. After prayerful consideration the group           reported they were convinced they should bring Dino & Emir. Emir stayed           to defend Sarajevo, while Dino left.

       [American Muslims & Jews]—The Jerrahi Order of America is a              Sufi Muslim religious order with a congregation in Spring Valley, New York.       Its leader, Tosun Bayrak, was the man who initially discovered the Bosnian          Muslim's plight in Croatia & asked FOR to help. The congregation's fami-          lies hosted over 12 Bosnian students or did innumerable hours of volun-          teer work. Many of Jewish hosts' families were survivors, or relatives of              survivors of the Holocaust. This project offered them an opportunity to               [pass on] the kindness they received from Christians to a Muslim who was          also in dire need of protection. One Jewish couple was inspired to write              Young People from Bosnia Talk About War, a book of student interviews &           discussion about prejudice & genocide.

       [Maja]—She was a freshman at Sarajevo University; her father was           Muslim & her mother a Serb Christian. Maja went to Belgrade, Serbia to           stay with their aunt. Maja's father was imprisoned & tortured; her mother           was humiliated by Serb soldiers for marrying a Muslim. A high-ranking           family friend in the military was able to take Maja's father to a hospital out-          side the country. [The family reunited in Turkey]. 

       She attended a school run by a Muslim voluntary agency until they           found out she was only ½ Muslim & was asked to leave. Bryna & Harvey           Fireside started a committee to find homes & scholarships for Bosnian           students. The committee included: Ithaca College's Protestant chaplain;           Cornell University's Jewish chaplain; Muslim, Jewish, Christian faculty              from Cornell. Bosnian student scholarship were made possible by people           of many faiths in several different countries. Before Maja graduated with           honors from Cornell, her father died from complications of his wartime           torture.

     Interfaith Focus—In the former Yugoslavia we worked with the World  University Service, with a Serb (Orthodox) director in Sarajevo, & a Croat (Ro-    man) director in Zagreb. The US Project's director was a Mennonite & the of-    fice manager an American Muslim. Christian, Muslim, & Jewish volunteers as-    sisted the national office during the project. This is the 1st project in FOR-USA    history where Christians, Jews, & Muslims worked together in communities.    We started helping students in Croatia, & expanded to include college-aged     Bosnian refugees worldwide.  We later expanded our program to include [&     protect] Bosnian high school students.

    In the development of our informational materials, we tried to emphasize  interfaith cooperation so as to be accessible to Americans of all faiths. The    central slogan of the project was a Talmud quote: "To save one life, it is as if     you had saved the world." One brochure packet contained prayers for peace     from the Orthodox, Catholic, Muslim, and Jewish traditions, and names and     addresses of peace organizations in all of the states of the former Yugoslavia.     "The Bosnian Student Project" packet contained sponsorship forms for     families who wanted to host a student, and several student stories detailing    how and why they came to the US. Project information was circulated in    FOR's Fellowship magazine and sent to FOR local groups and US peace     fellowships.

       Examples of Interfaith Cooperation—A full tuition scholarship from a  host school was often not enough; we would often have to raise funds required  for room and board at the school, transportation and communication overseas,  books, clothes, medical insurance. Adis, a Bosnian Muslim escaped from the    Trnopolje concentration camp with the help of a friend of his mother. Iona Prep  (New Rochelle, NY) offered him a scholarship. A Croatian volunteer prepared     his visa; a Muslim volunteer (Nyack, NY) arranged travel; a Presbyterian church  (White Plains, NY), paid airfare, and a church elder there offered him a home.

    We asked and expected host families to welcome students into their  homes & places of worship, but also to look for a house of worship consistent   with the student's religion if asked. How could a Christian school or con-    gregation welcome Muslim or mixed-family students into their midst and     still accept the student as they were? A Muslim imam said: "We believe that  there is one God, one religion, one race; we are all children of Adam and Eve. 

    ... [We want] Bosnian Muslim children in the moral atmosphere of  parochial colleges ... Children may go to chapel and, in a serene atmosphere,     meditate, saying their own prayers and participating." A Baptist pastor said:     "Being a friend of Sanela, holding her as she cries and we cry with her, has     helped our congregation move beyond the limits of religious separation ... and     accept Sanela as a Muslim member of our Baptist church." Sanela wrote: "Did  you know that Baptists and Muslims pray to the same God?"

    A Serbian-American opened her home to a Bosnian Muslim art stu-    dent. The host's mother warned against allowing a "Muslim fundamentalist" into  her home. The mothers of both the host and the student agreed that it was a      wonderful placement. The "enemy," when viewed up close, looks a lot like    oneself. The Bosnian Student Project made it obvious that Muslims and Jews    need not be antagonists. Some students came to feel like part of their Jewish     "family," and some families provided solace, rituals, and prayers to students    who lost family in the war zone while in America. [All too] many host families    needed to provide this kind of support.

    Family & Community Contact—One Bosnian mother wrote: "You are  more than friends for us. You are 2^nd parents to our children. We are conscious  how much you sacrifice that our sons not suffer with us in the war... Our chil-    dren are safe & going to school. Thank God." I was able to travel both ways     with family pictures. It felt like a sacred obligation to be a bridge between    members of a family separated by war. One mother explained: "You have     been the face of God to us at a time when the whole world seems to have    turned its back on [us]."

    When the war ended a few months later, it seemed feasible to organize  a few small work camps in Bosnia. FOR had grassroots contacts which made     organizing work camps in Bosnia possible, even in the chaos of the recently     ended war. Bosnian students educated in the US could work as interpreters.     Host parents and others interested in learning about the Bosnian war could help  in modest ways with healing and reconstruction. We structured the day so that  ⅓ of the time we learned from Bosnians, ⅓ of the time we spent in social or  educational activities, ⅓ of the time we used our skills and experience to help  the community.

    It seemed important that work camp participants be as ethnically & reli-    giously diverse as possible. The participants' skills were faxed to our contacts     there so that they would know how best to use us. One group of 11 traveled to     the northwestern provincial town of Bihac and the other group of 11 went to the  capital city of Sarajevo; both groups were well received.  [Besides medical,    educational, and rehabilitation services], some of us listened to war survivors     speak of loss & destruction of homes and communities. The US participants     learned how fragile and precious are diverse multicultural societies, and how     easily they can be destroyed.

    Conclusion—The Bosnian Student Project's principal weapons in its  struggle against genocide were love and inclusion. We helped rebuild the hu-    man community which others were trying to destroy. We gave witness to our     belief that these students of a different ethnicity, religion, and nationality than     our own were our neighbors, part of our human family. Alma was a Bosnian     Muslim high school student who was hosted in Bar Harbor, ME by a Quaker      family. She wrote: "I wanted to expand my views about the world and people,      and I wanted to convince myself that all people are not capable of the hatred I    saw in my war experience. I wanted to receive a wide range of education, so I   could contribute to my country's reconstruction."

       Bojana is a Bosnian Serb student who spent 2 years in Gorazde and 2     years in Pale. From New Jersey she wrote a letter: "To young people who got     killed in the Bosnian war. Today was my 1st day in college! I enjoy seeing     young people and being surrounded by natural freedom and their voices ...     Something assimilates and something remains apart. I feel very blessed to     have found the happy problems of peace ... I was thinking of you so deeply      ... I cannot resist the thought that you are absent ... You are supposed to be     in your classes too ... I hope that what happened is a strong reason for the      world to take care of their children by taking care of each other. I hope that    God's comforting heart brings peace to painfulness we struggle to understand."
            Epilogue—The FOR Bosnian Student Project has now involved 26 high  school & 154 college students. [There is a student list at the end of the pam-    phlet]. The Project decided to concentrate on supporting the education of those  who are already in our program. As many students as possible were encou-    raged to return & assist in the effort to rebuild a tolerant, multicultural society in  their own land. For many Bosnian students, however, going home isn't a pos-   sibility where their home towns are controlled by non-Bosnians. Many students  have had to rejoin families who still live as refugees in places like Turkey or     Canada. 21 students have had parents follow them to the US. Only 15 of our     students have been able to return to their families in Bosnia or Croatia.

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335 Come Aside and Rest Awhile (by Frances I. Taber; 1997)

       About the Author—Frances Taber grew in the Conservative Quakerism  of Iowa & Ohio YMs in the 1930s & 40s. [Fran's involvement with Pendle Hill    grew from student in the 1977-78, to kitchen staff, to study, research, & expe-    riencing solitude in the 1984-85 school year. This essay's original version was     a report given after 1985's Spring term. She is a core teacher for the School     of the Spirit's program On Being a Spiritual Nurturer.

       [Introduction]—I have long loved quiet & separate spaces: long walks  in the country; staring into a wood fire; how the world feels at dawn. I grow     more aware of how central "retirement" is for a faith-practice. In dialogs I had,     objections arose. I set out to address them, exploring Quaker practice & other    religious groups' experiences. I experienced "retirement's" value in my own          life, & observed it during the evolution of Pendle Hill's personal retreat pro-    gram. There is a deep, ecumenical hunger for deeper experience of silence &     solitude.

       In the 1977-78 Pendle Hill school year, I explored having a space apart    from daily routine. I started an initiative offering personal retreats at Pendle        Hill, beginning with students trying to satisfy their need for apartness from the     perennial stimulation of community life. [I sought to make] quiet space more     readily available. Before we began to respond, others found themselves drawn   to spend silent time in solitude at Christian Church renewal centers.  Some      were drawn to retreats with an Eastern orientation.

       [Queries and Responses]—How is "taking retreat" beyond the  weekly meeting for worship necessary and part of Quaker practice, in a     sect best known for social action?       How does the urge toward retreat     [fit in] with a call to social witness?       How would withdrawal from com-  munity for personal re-treats affect the community's power to heal? Trust  in "retirement" is rooted deeply in Friends's faith and practice. Howard Brinton  writes: "Retirement is considered [to be] ... a Christian duty. Members ... are     expected to wait in silence ... at worship, and occasionally in their families, in     their private chambers, or in daily occupations, that in stillness of heart ... they     may acquire direction and strength for performing life's duties."

       William Penn writes: "I don't only acknowledge but admire solitude ...  retreats for the afflicted, tempted, solitary & the devout, where they might wait     undisturbed upon God ... & being strengthened may with power over their own  spirits, enter into the world's business again." It was centuries before Penn's     political vision for a union of states was seriously considered. Deliberately set-    ting aside certain days is a new practice among Friends. Being productive is     valued. No common valuation is given to pursuits which involve what looks like  doing nothing.

       [Unwilling Retreats]—In an unwilling retreat of the sort that we all have  from time to time, I learned about the awkwardness of taking retreat & the dif-    ficulty of breaking with expectations.  In salvaging a retreat out of a time of ill-    ness, I was readier than usual to adopt a frame of mind where my illness was a  retreat. Some insights were the following: "What comes now is that I need more  reverie-retreat time, with less effort. It is in reverie, at least as much as in rea-    ding & [scheduled reflection], that this precious time's work is done. 

       Perhaps this is why I got sick. God wants me to contemplate, rather than  always organize & doggedly pursue projects. I moved to the sofa at 5:00 with  tea, & just drank in quietness, peace & beauty." This experience showed me     something of a retreat's illuminating quality. How do we bring forward God's     sustaining & healing presence into outward action? A full experience of     retreat compels and propels us into desiring to love, to give, and to act from     compassion.

    [Dark Night of the Soul]—Constance Fitzgerald applies the dark night  of the soul experience, equating it with the world impasse, a situation in which     one cannot help oneself and cannot escape. If one quits trying to escape or     to help oneself and goes into the impasse with naked faith, out of the darkness   of contemplation will come a "solution" that was previously unimaginable.   There are many "dark nights or impasse experiences," both in our personal      lives and in our lives in community and society, that "cry out for meaning."    

    A dark societal time must be understood and entered into if it is to lead     to a "new vision and harmony" [for all of creation]. Belden Lane writes: "The     impasse provides a challenge and a concrete focus for contemplation ... It     forces the right side of the brain into gear, seeking intuitive, symbolic, uncon-    ventional answers. The hunger for retreat carries with it a recognition that     there is no other way out of many [impasses that arise] in the complexity of     our lives, than to take them into the darkness of silence before God.

    At Pendle Hill, at some level consciousness, persons [burnt out from  doing service], when they seek re-treat, are taking with them into the dark si-    lence with God the various impasses of their lives. Constance Fitzgerald     writes: "It is in the very experience of darkness & joylessness, in suffering &     withdrawal of accustomed pleasure, that ... transformation is taking place."        

    In going into the silence of retreat, we don't withdraw from life, but take     life with us into the mystery of God, having faith that in God's good time we will    come forth with new life & vision. In the choice to make ourselves willing to go     into the darkness of contemplation, we are giving away our powerlessness      and poverty of spirit. This is a practice of receiving Divine Presence, and of     experiencing a transformation of a feeling of unworthiness into a sense of self-   worth, without deserving or earning.

    [George Fox's Retreat]—He responded to a dark night or impasse by  going on an extended retreat from which he emerged into a life of ministry.     George writes that the Lord said to him, "Thou must forsake all, both young &     old, & keep out of all, & be as a stranger unto all ... Frequently in the night [I]     walked mournfully by myself, for I was a man of sorrows in the times of the 1st  workings of the Lord in me ... Hope underneath held me [& my immortal soul],  as a anchor in the bottom of the sea, to my Bishop, causing it to swim above  the sea, the world where all the raging waves, foul weather, tempests & temp-    tations are ... I had been brought through the very ocean of darkness & death,    through & over Satan's power, by the eternal, glorious power of Christ ... into  God's Paradise. 

    All things were new; all the creation gave another smell than before,     beyond what words can utter." Starved by repetition of truths which didn't     come with the fresh scent of Truth clinging to them, he persisted in a retreat     of wandering until he knew the Truth "experimentally" or experientially. With      more attention to the dark places between [Fox's more popular] openings, we   will grow in understanding of the contemporary urge toward retreat. Dark     places have to be traveled before it is possible to come into the fullness of light.

    [Inward Knowing]—Pendle Hill retreatants have recognized that the   silence and emptiness of the retreat experience make way for an inward   knowing not achieved before. Retreatant Quotes: "When we reach the limit    of our own resources, the spirit can help us at last." "During my 2- or 3-day     retreats my clearest insights came about what God was calling me to do in    my life; I sank deeper into my center; I heard messages I had not heard be-    fore; [I could then] be taught by my Inward Teacher." "[How] Can I by wil-    ling, running, ever sink—/ Desiring God within my heart to know/ By ap-     plication of the gift to think—/ Down to the soil in which the Seed will      grow?" The inward experience of God can come through the activity of a     restless mind.    

    A common image for retreat is that of the desert experience, or Jesus  entering the wilderness. McNamara's advice for hermitage-style retreat is to     urge people not to try to get anything out of it, but to enjoy God's company. His  "favorite definition of contemplation is taking a long, loving look at the Real with  no designs on the Real ... a retreat is meant to touch one's core so that one will  never be the same again ... When one becomes contemplative & mystical, one  can't help but be ministerial, apostolic, an immense help to one's immediate  neighbor and to one's society at large. Solitude develops the social dimension,  especially the capacity for compassion.

    [Visitation Monastery in Philadelphia]—I glimpsed the relationship  between solitude and community in a 2-day stay at the Visitation Monastery in     Philadelphia, a silent, Catholic contemplative community. [It took several of my  1st hours there for the quiet to come into me. The next morning: "I didn't rebel    at getting up at 5:30 ... I didn't leap out of bed either ... At 6 I was ready for     chapel  ... I was aware of a difference [between their silent prayer] ... and Pen-    dle Hill's  [meeting for worship ... I was unsettled during it] There was no 'ga-   theredness,'  or 'presence, [Divine or corporate.' It was being] 'together in     solitude' ..."

    "Later in Mass, a sense of Presence came, with reality & warmth ... The  simplicity of bread & coffee at breakfast seemed a part & a symbol of the whole  of life ... The structure of the day itself becomes prayer; I have added [2 walks]  around the grounds [to that structure] ... There is much wisdom [and restful-    ness]  in a rule of silence, for the cultivation of the inner rather than the outer     spaces. I  sense that different spaces of silence have different shapes and are     good for different uses ... " 

    Living with this one for a longer time, one could learn more about the     freedoms [and joy] lying within & beneath discipline ... The joy within this dis-    cipline is partly a joy connected to freedom from struggle, innocence and     teachability ... and a direct route to joy of thanksgiving and celebration. Praise     God for being in this silence." The structure present at a personal retreat in     the Spring house at Pendle Hill is mediated through night & day, physical ne-    cessity, & the shape of one's being. How would I go into unstructured si-    lent retreat? I imagined a direct experience of God, [in whatever form that     needed to be].

    [Sisters of Loretto Motherhouse (Nerinx, KY)/ Pendle Hill Hermit-    ages]—Some wonder whether the solitude of my Catholic retreat represents a  denial of communal life around it. Jean Manion says that Elaine Prevallet, a     former Pendle Hill teacher & now director at Loretto's retreat center, credits the  center with creating "the sustaining matrix of quiet hospitality & [openminded]-    freedom ... There is the presence of people with a free open, [& nurturing] spirit  ... Not just the sisters, but other persons work here, and seem to engender that  spirit."

    We also have such a community at Pendle Hill. Seeking solitude from,     but remaining still within the circle of community, Pendle Hill students have re-    cognized the importance of the community to the work of solitude. How is a     supportive community important in doing solitary work?  A student     writes: "It was important to me to feel physically and spiritually surrounded by      the community of which I had been a member only 2 weeks, but with which I     was sharing an important and tender part of my spiritual journey. 

    Education consists on continual cycles of engagement and reflection  together. Only engagement leaves much of what could be learn unlearned.     Only reflection means one will run out of material on which to reflect. At Pen-    dle Hill, individuals have to work very hard to find or make enough time for  reflection. Withdrawal from community allows room for intuitive knowing to    emerge and complete the educative process, which continues to be sup-    ported by the community.

       A student writes: "I came not to the Spring House all alone—/ Although     alone I shiver here tonight—/ For I am with God, in God, & at one/ With that of     God in every living Light./ Peace of God doth move across my heart: Unshak-    able, but ever sought anew,/ & though in sep'rateness I stand apart,/ My con-    sciousness is joined to all things, too." The listening cultivated in silence &     aloneness informs one's interaction with others on one's return to community.     William McNamara writes: Communication could be a kind of communion if     indeed we were a more silent & solitary people ... Where we live with God     alone in silence. When we come out of that holy, sacred space, we are dee-    pened and not only ready but longing to share with others life's deeper     dimensions."

    We learn to sense a rhythm between engagement & reflection that God  is calling us to live. [Jesus calls all disciples] to "Come with me, by yourselves,    to some lonely place where you can rest quietly." Don't assume that you will      stay in that rest, but that you will go forth again into mystery. Basil Penington     writes: "The you Jesus is inviting to be refreshed] is you & me, and the whole    of you and me; the Lord wants to refresh us in our entirety. The Lord wants to    respond in Love to all our needs." 

    Feeling Jesus' invitation to rest is a conspicuous theme in retreat log  book entries. It is more than recovery from fatigue; it leads to peace, to healing,  to an awareness of being loved. One retreatant who expected to be searched,    to make hard decisions," received the message, "You have come here to be     loved." Molly Vass writes: "There is nothing to do in rest, there's nowhere to    go, there's nothing that's more important or less important in rest. Rest is our     birthright, & rest is part of our healing process."

    [My Winter Retreat: Day One Journal entry]—I took a week of un-    structured silent retreat. On retreat, I read Julian of Norwich: "The best prayer  is to rest in the goodness of God knowing that that goodness can reach down      to our lowest depths of need." DAY ONE JOURNAL ENTRY: Much of a re-    treat consists of just getting the task-, mind-, body-clutter out of the way. The    activity of walking, along with looking as one goes, keeps the brain just     occupied enough not to be tempted to [any routine distractions from medita-    tion]. I walked around the lake and followed the stream that was the outlet     from the lake.

        I wound my way through brushy growth, down the bank, & found my-    self face-to-face with a delicate, small waterfall. At the foot of the left-hand bank  down which I came, a mossy rock invited me to sit. I sat staring at the waterfall  as one can stare into a fire, transfixed by the never-ending splash of sun-    sparkled stream. It wrapped my mind & held it; I didn't want to leave. The falling  of water entered into me & I merged into the landscape of the woods, at one      with them, with the sparkle & the water's music in my soul. That was what my     soul had longed for. I returned to my teen years, of being held by wonder at the  beauty of nature. That young poet found here the layered years of [the full life]     experience, & the gathering search for God, for unity, & merged with them.

    My walk became my prayer, my contemplation, & a part of my healing &  reuniting life. Basil Penington wrote that the monk's life [was all one], & that     "There was one simple movement of response to a God who had spoken, a     God who speaks in books of the divinely inspired Scriptures, in the whole cre-    ation, & in the depths of one's own being." The fractured consciousness of     modern man & woman [interferes with] richly-differentiated layers of consci-   ousness waiting to be melded into a new prism of prayer. [Embracing] adole-    scent wonder of nature cuts through that interference. St. Bernard writes:               "Believe me who have tried [listening to nature]. Thou wilt find something           more in woods than books. Trees & rocks will teach what thou canst not              hear from a master."

       [Winter Retreat: Other Entries]—DAYS 2 &3: 2 kinds of thoughts run  through my mind in reflecting on, What is Prayer?: when to pray [or not pray];  on retreat, what constitutes prayer expands. With less analytical mind involved  in separating one thing from another, the distinction between what is praying &  what isn't praying, begins to blur. In eating as prayer, I need to be mindful of  what my body does & doesn't want. [Beginning-the-day routine as prayer be-    comes an unstrained morning movement of awakening the whole self. 

       I open my self with the pace of a growing thing, not to an activities pro-    gram, but to God's action around & in me in the spring-like-ness of this day.     Washing is [prayer], cleansing, baptism, awakening. Dressing is ceremonial     preparation; breakfast is Eucharist. [Listening to the body-prayer is listening]     to God speaking through the body. Sleep becomes a part of prayer. Much of     a retreat is physical. It is remarkable to "do nothing" as one's top priority.

    DAY 4: [I was exhausted from the rough walk] up the creek yesterday,     and paid for it all the next day. I am disgusted at being so fragile. [My explo-    ring the creek became yet one more] set back to connecting to God. I must     hang on to my conviction that God is giving me what I need while I am here. I      keep trying to find things I ought to do, [when the most important ought is to    not do]. I had to learn through my own process what the obstacles were and    the flow was between my self and God.

    DAY 7: God, clear the ground, make ready open space for the seed. It     has taken this whole week to clear away, to make open space, to nourish &     draw together naked soil; I got the healing I needed. [My discovery & drawing     close to my little outer waterfall], was a drawing closer to my inner, ever-flowing  waterfall, by which I can always sit. My walking has been in search of fresh,     running water, the living, laughing, life-giving water of the little streams. Woods  & water rejoined me with parts of my self I had scarcely touched for a long     time.

    We cannot catch it, but must let it flow, over the waterfall, over the     rocks, down the stream, in the sure knowing that the stream will never cease    from flowing. Clearing away the oughts makes room for the nudges, which    are like new green shoots piercing the surface of the cleared ground. I met     God in the way I needed to; I did not have a direct experience of God. [God's    goodness did indeed] "reach down to my lowest depths of need."

    [Clearing Away]—I am beginning to learn that the clearing away which  is part of a retreat helps to reveal the nature of one's own instrument, & to cla-    rify one's part in the community's harmony. A retreat provides discernment on     how to give; one's, fractured parts are re-gathered into a whole. Silence in soli-    tude is meant to prepare a way for the Lord; clear a straight path for God.     One puts aside for a time the major obligations and all work; one sets aside       all expectations to produce. It creates a clearing where nothing obscures the     view. This type of silence takes its shape from the inner rhythms of the re-     treatant, & her or his perception of the nudges of God.

    A retreatant writes: "This morning I have been so acutely aware of my     natural rhythms & of the spirit asserting themselves in the absence of outside     constraints ... Schedules fall away; events simply take place in intrinsic order ...  In such atmosphere, it is easy & natural to be in prayer while peeling an egg or  brushing one's hair ... My most necessary activities are harmonized, integra-    ted, & unified at the deepest levels of my being ..."

       This kind of retreat is shaped from the inside out. It is a very interior     silence. It distrusts structures and patterns laid upon me by another's experi-    ence.  It is a silence of enormous possibilities.  One risk is that we may be     more open to the subconscious than to God. If we are bewildered by our     experience, we can seek a spiritual friend with whom to reflect on it. Such an     open silence is one of tremendous potential for growth or for sheer laziness;     one may "do nothing" creatively, or one may really do nothing. A greater dan-    ger is the danger of filling the time, with words; words from other people;     words from books.
            Filling up time is in truth the real danger we face as a religious people;     it is an endemic problem. Duty overtakes us and swallows us whole. We have    to fight for space, space through which to see the light. I came back from my    term of study and exploration to oversee the personal retreat experiment at      Pendle Hill until it became a recognized part of the resident program. I close      with the 1994 logbook entry of a Spring House retreatant: "In this quiet space,    away from the props & distractions of life, one can feel closer to God, obtain a    truer perspective on life, feel closer to people when you hold them prayerfully,   and then leave with a new enthusiasm for life which has meaning beyond   ourselves."

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336. God’s Spirit in Nature (by Judith Brown; 1998)         
            About the Author—Judith Brown is a Quaker, writer, teacher, who now  lives on an island in Puget Sound outside of Seattle. American Friends Service  Committee Workcamps in the 50's were followed by going with her husband to  Turkey for 6 years to work medically in a rural area. During the Gulf War and  Ethiopian civil war, she was with a Ploughshares team doing organic agricul-    ture. She realized after a Pendle Hill course in 1995, that the Earth can be     metaphysically considered to be God's body. She [applied] testimonies of     Equality, Simplicity, Community, and Peace to caring for all of Creation. This    pamphlet is an outgrowth of that beginning.

       INTRODUCTION—Too much of my environmentalism is motivated by  anger. The Spirit instructed me to be less strained about my concern, more     contemplative, present [to the Divine] in nature, & meditative. The population/     environmental catastrophe is as great as the nuclear threat was, but much   more difficult to communicate to the public. [In 1998] we are in the very early     stages of this process. I can do more with my environmental concerns than     with the nuclear threat. I can practice stewardship of the earth, especially in     my own garden.

       GOD'S BODY—

           God's Grandeur: "The World is charged with God's  grandeur./ ... 

It flames out ... It gathers to a greatness ... Generations have trod [it]    

... [All] wears man's smudge & shares man's smell: soil/ is bare, nor 

can [shod] foot feel.// For all this, nature is never spent; ... though the 

last lights off the black West went ... Oh morning springs/ Because the 

Holy Ghost over the     bent/ World broods with warm breast and ... 

bright wings."      Gerard Manley Hopkins.

       Sometimes in the silence of worship this poem comes to me almost  whole, even though I never memorized it. For me, it is a poem which doesn't     "mean"; it seems to "be." Poets have long written of Earth as God's body with-    out tying it to a belief system. Imagination sometimes presents truths reason     cannot. William Blake thought that imagination simplifies putting itself in the     place of others. Compassion, acceptance, and confrontation motivates the     imaginative; rational beliefs and judgments are less important.  Even in the     1890's, Hopkins was aware of how humans were spoiling natural beauty. I be-    lieve I am caring for God's body as earth; caring needs to be more that a civic  responsibility. How am I living ecologically; how am I not?

    Acting ecologically is often being counter-culture. I am among the guilty  who perceive themselves innocent.  There is a collection of do's & don'ts, [in     particular] "cut up plastic 6-pack rings." I compromise on [these "green" practi-    ces], even when I know the better ecological course.  I know I join with my     country, a western, wealthy country, in using and sometimes squandering an     [oversized] portion of the world's resources. I haven't been ready to make do     with my house the way it is.  I cooperate with instead of resist my country's     value systems.

    I have a piece of land. What can I do to steward the piece of land I  inherited? Stewardship begins with a reverence which asks me to respect all     the animate and inanimate being on this land equally. How can I turn to some  form of reverence? I need that and a quiet acceptance of my place in life and  on this land. [Instead] of being frantic, I can reverently return to a sense of  "being," and "wait upon the Lord."

        I thank you God that I have a part; guide me in finding my small             part in the great scheme of things.

    SPRING WEEDING/ WEEDING THE IRIS—If I could believe there was  symbiosis that happens between weeds and my perennial flowers in this bed, I  might be able to let them be.  But I have a sense of order and a rejection of     chaos. In nature, God creates abundance, not order. In my flower bed, I reject     chaos outright, even though I acknowledge it too, can be of God. I put a curb     on chaos so that bloom can flourish; I choose to give priority to planned bloom    There is no logic, only prejudice in that choice. Thank you for abundance.

    I am one of those garden care-takers that has several beds of iris, even  though they must be hand-weeded.  I must lie on the ground beside them,     gloves off, and weed them tenderly with my thumb and forefinger. I know the     earth in a new way. There are wicked ways in me. But my lying down now, my     reverence in the face of these iris, my making it possible for them to bloom,     none of that is wicked. Thank you for the onrush of this time.

    THE OCEAN of LIGHT which OVERCOMES the OCEAN of DARK-    NESS/ THE FOREST as CATHEDRAL—Today is dark & I despair at the glo-    bal news. The clouds over my garden have got to me, and there is an ocean     of darkness surrounding me. To most human beings despair is no stranger.     Where is the ocean of Light, the force that can lift us up, spill us out of    this darkness? George Fox "... do not look at the temptations, confusions,   corruptions, but at the light which discovers them; ... with the same light you    will feel over them, to receive power to stand against them ... 

    For looking down at sin ... you are swallowed up in it; but looking at the  light which discovers them, you will see over them ... You will find grace and     strength, and there is the 1st step of peace." I know where the light can over-    come me [when needed]. Grace for me comes with experiencing "sunlight on     the garden." I can be active in the garden. If I am truly down I need just to "be"  in a garden.  The nascent life of the garden will overcome the ocean of     darkness.

    The woods around our house are small, but not too small to give me a     sense of awe when I am in them. All of the things woods make me reverent     when I walk in the woods. I look up through the trees to patches of sky and     feel myself to be in the Spirit's cathedral. In 's poem, 

        "Lost,": ... The trees ahead and bushes beside you/ Are not lost. 

Wherever you are is called Here, ... The forest breathes. Listen, it an-                swers, I have made this place around you./ ... If what a tree or bush                     does is lost on you, / You are surely lost. Stand still. The forest knows/                 Where you are. You must let it find you.      David Waggoner

    One rainy day in British Columbia, instead of taking the reverent atti-    tude of this poem, we became frightened, uneasy; we retraced our steps. It is      my own untrusting attitude I regret. There is a fear that instructs and a more     harmful fear that paralyzes; at that moment I let fear paralyze me. [Perhaps     the situation wasn't urgent enough to call on the Spirit for help. I wished I had    stopped and listened for the sound that said "Here."

        God, I would listen [better for your Spirit], and hear You when You                 whisper, "Here."

      LIFE RHYTHMS/ BEING BOMBARDED—At a Friends committee mee-    ting, one Friend became defensive, another increasingly outspoken; I was     drawn into the melee as well. I knew that if I went to work in my garden, I would  be given insights. I longed for a sense of the Spirit's insight on this matter. After  getting the Spirit's instructions, I was ready to return & hold my ideas out to     others, in an open palm; offer them, but not insist on them. The being-with/     withdrawing from people to solitude cycle is invaluable to my life. Withdrawal &  return is a life-rhythm. In my garden, no one is to blame but nature & I if things  do not go right; I get few immediate results, but have faith that things will turn  out well in the end. My garden fulfills my faith, but not always the way I ex-    pect.  My faith gets reinforced when I work in my garden, alone and silent.

        Thank you God, for life's rhythms: together time; alone-time; Divine             re-connection-time.

    BEING BOMBARDED/ PUTTING in BULBS—Once one has an active  environmental concern, mail become a barrage of appeals. I need to establish  priorities & a comfortable activity & giving level. I ask my meeting to keep me  apprised of needs beyond my immediate community which I care about.      Friends have a program called Right Sharing of the World's Resources, giving     support to small groups of persons struggling to be part of their own liberation     from need, through loans & grass-roots projects. 

    I can give my energy & money to local environment efforts. There are     many immediate things which I can do about them. I can keep myself informed  & lend my energy when such efforts need them. I can do work projects with     groups & not be on a Board, for which I am not suited. I love catching work-    spirit with others & what it does for my affirmative sense of the world.

        God, make me one of those in whom "work is love made visible."

    [As I put] in dry, brown-skinned, unsprouted gladiola bulbs. I remember     a sermon in which the congregation was assured that this bulb would go into     the ground dead & dirty & spring forth months later as a lively yellow bloom; this  transformation signifies the Easter miracle. Once I discarded a Japanese ane-    mone because it seemed only to add to my garden's over growth. When a     friend offered the same plant, I tended them carefully, & have come to cherish    the abundance of that gift; when I see them now I think of her. How can the     physical world augment and call up the Spiritual World? My physical things  can resonate the Spiritual.

    WEEDING the ROSES/ SOUND—I work on auto-pilot with my hoe claw  on the rose bed, not thinking about the weeds I am pulling. I think of a meeting   couple, who have sponsored for 15 years without fail a spring plant exchange.  We bring & buy for a pittance from an over abundance of perennials or ground  cover, & give the money to a good cause. I think of this couple as the Spirit's  small miracle. This couple would ask for help when one of their projects was     inconvenient, or ask if they could do their part in a project at a time other than     the appointed one. They identified themselves as being more interested in     meeting outreach than its attention to its own Spiritual growth. Their way is     quiet & unassuming; it energizes the meeting. Praise God for small miracles.

    I sometimes go out early, because bird song always seems to be more     hearable in the early morning; I hear a song sparrow. There is a hole where a     sword fern used to be. From it comes a sound like small sticks knocking each     other. I shall not pursue analysis of the mysterious sound. It shall be another of  the intriguing mysteries I discover in my garden whenever I am near it. By my  kitchen door, I notice my winter pansies that waited until spring to bloom. I hear  it sassing, "Just be happy I've shown my face now"; I sass back.  With that     senseless dialogue we both flourish. I look up at the blue and say, "Thank you     Daddy ... for starting this property, stewarding its earth for as long as you were  alive, & then passing it on.                    

      When we are Gone: "When we are gone, they will remain/ Wind                 & rock, fire and rain/ They will remain when we return/ The wind will                     blow, the fire will burn [Starhawk & Anne Hill] Great God, thank you for                 the things that endure

    SURVIVORS—I am impressed with the small, stamped-on weeds be-    tween the stepping stones; they are survivors. I admire people-survivors, not     weed-survivors. My sense of order won't let them stay.  I see a bald eagle     frequently in the snag of a tree in front of our house, and am thrilled. These     great birds complain in squeaky, undignified voices, but they endure, survive.     How does a particular person survive?

       A doctor-friend of ours died after a short-lived fight with a melanoma.     He was enough of a scientist to know any battle against his cancer would     give him only brief respite. After a long, full, wonderful life, he accepted his     death; I admire him for that acceptance. My brother, after a less-long life,     asked forgiveness of his daughters, & refused to fight cancer. I respect my     brother's decision, his acceptance. How is it "all the live, little things,"      including cancer cells, have their place in the scheme of things? How     do we choose our life-battles? The Spirit is with those who call upon the     Lord to oversee the fight. They will be led in & out of acceptance.

        God, teach me in all things how to wait upon Thee.

    PRAYER—I come the closest to a constant prayerful mood when I am     working in my garden. I no longer wish to waste time in the garden on someone  else's thoughts or music. There are prayers of: petition, intercession, and     meditation. If I alternated the various modes of prayer, it might be possible to     keep in a prayerful mode closer to constantly. I find it hard to sustain a spirit of     petition for any long period, except when some need strikes me hard.  This     prayer by Linda Kavelin Popov expresses what I sense is a true spirit of     petition:

           Lord, I am thankful/ for Your love ... Your tender rebukes ... [while               I] In the undergrowth of illusions/ blast you with infantile rage/ When                   You fail to comply with my Divine expectations/ & you merely sidestep               gracefully/ ... grinning a wise & trusting look/ at this child woman/ ... I am           thankful for the breast/ you tender to the child in me/ who will always re-              quire succor ... you send me off to deal with dragons ... [with] no box                   lunch today,/ but only chance for triumph/ the education of deep muscle/           the wounding which heals ... You are there.

    In intercession, I imagine other persons & creatures in my mind's eye. I  like holding them up to Light, knowing that they want or need help, & imagining  them finding it. They will sense the strength the Light gives them. I too, take     strength from that. The humility required to place ones self silent before God's     greatness doesn't come naturally to me. I find it in nature; not everyone does. I  covet reverence wherever it comes. In my garden, I am surrounded metapho-   rically by God's body.

       WORK for the EARTH & the SPIRIT/ BALD EAGLES or CROWS—On  Earth Day, we chose a park in South Seattle near a friend's house since there     were no sites close to our island home. We cut down small holly trees & ivy     growing around tree trunks, in the pouring rain. The camaraderie we reaped     while working was good We had the sense we were spending our energy     stewarding the earth with other people who wanted to spend their energy that     same way. Jack and I decided we had gained a lot of oddly spiritual mileage for  that very small thing.

        Mother Earth, whatever the bond is between You and physical work,

I thank you for it.

    I thought I saw 3 eagles playfully flying in and out of a nearby alder tree.  They weren't eagles, but large crows. Crows make calls even less pleasant     than eagles. [They mess with my compost], gleaning what can be gleaned, &    absconding with it. The miracle of transformation in the garden is apparent in     compost. I see crows jabbing at our lawn and pulling out grubs, and I judge     the grub to be a worse pest than the crows. Crows harass eagles. The older      eagles have learned to sit lower on the branches, seeking protection from     branches higher up. Crows are part of the essential balance of nature.                         Mother Earth be praised for transformations.

    MORE about CROWS/ DEER—I am unsentimental about crows. When  I saw a baby crow on the ground, [huddling] beneath our wheelbarrow near the  toolshed, I said, "Too bad, Nature will take its course. It will die; my partner     agreed, and shared with Friends that it was one of the sadnesses of his day to  find it. A committee member on retreat at our house visited the bird and fed it.  The bird's mother fed it also. 10 days after we found it, it disappeared into the     underbrush. I don't know whether it died or flew off. How is it good to inter-    fere with nature, or to let nature take its course?     How do we find the     places where our compassion would be most effective? Life is richer for the  mysteries created by questions such as these. 

        God, I am thankful for the imponderables of the universe. It is good

to know there are things humans cannot figure out.

    I don't want you deer in my garden; I don't want you eating the leaves of  my budding roses or my bean stalks. Your beauty leaps in sharp contrast to the  fishwife tones in which I shout at you. Since I resist so fiercely the loss of con-    trol these gentle animals force upon me, God must also treat me roughly so that  I accept graciously the deer's presence & feeding. I need to accept these deer.  They need to suggest to me all the grace the Holy Spirit bestows daily on me.  

        The Peace of Wild Things: "When despair for the world grows in 

me/ ... I go and lie down where the wood drake/ rests ... on the water ... 

I come into the peace of wild things/ who ... live with[out] forethought/ or 

grief ... I feel above me the day-blind stars/ waiting with their light. For a 

time/ I rest in the grace of the world, and am free.     Wendell Berry

        God, may all creatures whether ["allies" or "enemies"], speak to me 

of  Your greatness, Your goodness, Your varied truth and beauty.

    DESTRUCTIVE FORCES—When destructive forces of nature tear away  at God's body, [the question comes up]: How do we understand God's body     being affirmed when earthquakes and floods destroy a bio-region or when  gale winds blow harshly? My understanding is limited because I see things  only from a limited human viewpoint. How can a force humans think of as     Divine create so much chaos along with beauty and order in the universe?

    From time's beginning, the complex universe as well our human bodies  have had in them a chaos & order that we call good & evil. Nature gets out of     balance: storms, earthquakes, floods are part of the design. Health is a state     where immunity & disease are in balance, but our health fails us at times. There  is erupting anger. What purpose could God have had in giving human be-    ings those uncontrollable feelings? God has written destructive urges into     animals. I can't explain away these dark forces. When I have felt the power of     these destructive forces in this universe & am in awe, I can still somehow con-    nect that power with the creative forces of the God I wait for in worship. That     God is experienced most as the creator sustainer of truth, goodness, & beauty.  This doesn't mean the universe which shows God forth hasn't chaos within it &  won't ravage us sometimes.

           Ah, great God, teach me that your power is unlimited, my perspec-

   tive limited. When your chaos is as difficult to grasp as your goodness, 

   bestow on me a faith which accepts destruction and order, beauty and 

   ugliness, the dark and the Light all as part of your amazing universe.
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337. There is a Spirit: The Nayler Sonnets (by Kenneth Boulding;

   1998)
           About the Author—Kenneth E. Boulding (1910-1993) was born in Eng-    land and educated at New College, Oxford and the University of Chicago.  Raised a Methodist, he joined the Religious Society of Friends when he was an  undergraduate at Oxford in the 1930's. He served the League of Nations. He is  a member of the Committee on Research for Peace of the Institute for Interna-   tional Order, and full time Director of the Center for Research in Conflict Reso-   lution of the University of Michigan; he is also Professor of Economics there.  These sonnets by Kenneth Boulding were first published nearly 50 years ago.  This is the 4th edition.

       INTRODUCTION—I wrote the 1st 5 or 6 of these sonnets as a instruc-    tor at Colgate University in Hamilton, New York, from 1939-41. [I switched to]     Sonnets on Courtship, Marriage, & the Family [while I met & married Elise     Biorn-Hansen]. The Nayler sonnets crept in among the love sonnets. It was at    Fisk University, 1942-43, that I finished the Nayler sonnets. Their 1st edition     was published in 1945, to express hope that lies beyond despair. [Today]     wars multiply in both hemispheres, but so do visions of a more humane &      peaceful world order.

       PREFACE—I have written these sonnets in the hope they may call the  attention of others to the depths of truth in the passage which inspired them.     The intellectual and aesthetic effort required to compress an explosive idea     into a sonnet's formal limits may cause the truth within the words to ring out all  the more clearly. [The summary editor further compressed them into excerpts].   Writing the significance of Nayler's phrases into sonnets has been a joyful and  illuminating spiritual experience. I hope they lead others to dig in the same  mines of truth.

       At the height of his followers' hysterical enthusiasm in 1656, Nayler al-    lowed himself to be led into Bristol in a blasphemous re-enactment of the origi-    nal Palm Sunday. He was brutally punished by an illegal act of Parliament &     jailed for 3 years. The passage which follows was spoken by him about 2 hours  before his death. It is a classic expression of a spirit too close to the source of  truth to have a name. Here we are close to Christ's spirit. [Hopefully], its truth     will burn through the plausible lies which form the principal furniture of our     minds.

    [Summary Editor's Note—The Roman numerals stand for the sonnet     each phrase inspired].

    I. There is a spirit which I feel (II.) that delights to do no evil, (III.) nor to     revenge any wrong, (IV.) but delights to endure all things, (V.) in hope to enjoy     its own in the end. (VI.) Its hope is to outlive all wrath and contention, (VII.) and  to weary out all exaltation and cruelty, (VIII.) or whatever is of a nature contrary  to itself. (IX.) It sees to the end of all temptations. (X.) As it bears no evil in it-    self,(XI.) so it conceives none in thoughts to any other. (XII.) If it be betrayed, it  bears it, (XIII.) for its ground and spring is the mercies and forgiveness of God.  (XIV.) Its crown is meekness, (XV.) its life is everlasting love unfeigned.

    (XVI.) It takes its kingdom with entreaty and not with contention, (XVII.)  and keeps it by loudness of mind. (XVIII.) In God alone it can rejoice, (XIX.)     though none else regard it, or can own its life. (XX.) It is conceived in sorrow,     and brought forth without any to pity it, (XXI.) nor doth it murmur at grief and     oppression. (XXII.) It never rejoiceth but through sufferings (XXIII.) for with the     world's joy it is murdered. (XXIV.) I found it alone, being forsaken. (XXV.) I     have fellowship therein with them who lived in dens & desolate places in the     earth, (XXVI.) who through death obtained this resurrection & eternal holy life.           James Nayler (1660)

    I. Can I, imprisoned, body bound, touch ... & spread my Little to the Infinite  Much ... & what I take indeed, I do but dole/ In cupfuls from a rimless ocean-    bowl ... & Yet, some Thing that moves among the stars,/ & holds the cosmos ...  Moves too in me ... As I, a member of creation sing/ The burning one-ness bin-    ding everything.

    II. Shall I be good because of rewards... [a] virtuous act [paying] dividends/  In approving... friends,/ tongues to praise, hands to applaud ...honors? ... Shall  I be good to gain the greatest end,/ A crown of bliss that Heaven affords?...      No conscious end can drag us out of sin, Unless [deep pressure], clear good-    ness wells up from within.

III. ... Is love indeed the end & law of life,/ When lush, grimacing hates quickly sprout?/ I thought in ignorance I had cast out... devils ... [but] revenge my sword of reason flouts./ Though hate rises in enfolding flame ... soon it dies... [&] love's small constant light burns the same... Love's weak, hate's strong; hate's short, love's long

         IV. How to endure, when all around us die/ Nations, gracious cities, homes & men... [while above] belching vultures fly ... How to endure darkness ... evil's eclipse ... Must we be hard, [stiff, pitiless as stone... oak... steel]? These things crumble, break, rust ... In violence, decay, starvation, need, What can endure? Only the living Seed.

V. Small flowers there are beside the stoniest way,/ Some breaths of air are sweet and some birds sing ... new goals are reached ... Yet for the unknown end we wait and pray,/ When ... every evil thing is redeemed in heaven's undisputed sway./ We know not how the day is to be born ... in [glorious] tongues of flame ... or imperceptibly as dawn;/ But as the seed must grow into the tree, So life is love and love the end must be.

VI. ... Who worships proud imperious Caesar now?/ The wreath ... is trampled in oblivion's mire... Beneath the lonely peasant's plough/ Lies splintered shards of heathen altars ... Lava sears the mountainside,/ & leaves [a stony scar] among the green/ Sun, frost, rain, & roots unseen/ Advance the slow resistless verdant tide ... [so] That life may grow, but wrath and hatred cool.

VII. What patience must we cherish, to out-wear/ Sleepless hosts of hell, who ... wait/ With perseverance more than we can bear... Who can blame us if we lose trust/ In love's slow ways, & hastily rush to blast/ [pride-] rock to pieces ... into barren dust./ Only by endless rain the soil is given,/ Endless patience is the way to heaven.

VIII. If God be All in All, must all be good?/ What then of evil? ... [the harsh deaths of the weak] ... [Does] death shine with its holy light ... reflecting the underside of Right,/ & Life exult [under] Death's ... hood?/ Are there contraries at the heart of things?... If in... life love wearies out/ The staunchest evil: Does God lie in doubt?

          Queries—[How can I be sure I am performing a "virtuous" act for the "crown of bliss that Heaven affords," rather than "approving friends,/ tongues to praise, hands to applaud, and honors?       How "is love the end & law of life, when lush, grimacing hates quickly sprout?"       How can we endure, when all around us nations, gracious cities, homes & men die?       How do we endure darkness ... evil's eclipse ... without being hard, stiff, pitiless as stone... oak... steel?       What can endure?       Who worships proud imperious Caesar now?       How and where do we find the patience to trust in love's slow ways?       If God be All in All, where does good end and evil begin? How are there contraries at the heart of all things?]

IX. What is the end of greed but emptiness,/ And what the end of a determined lust/ But staleness, unfulfillment, sick disgust ... Not sight alone, but Will, by love made free/ Can make us walk the pilgrim way we see.

X. If soul be soil what may not grow therein?/ The indifferent ground cares not what plant it feed; Both good grain & lean poisoned weed ... Can there then be a soil that grows no sin ... [but only] for the need/ Of the good gardener & his humble kin? ... Out of harrowed heart & broken will/ Ground is prepared at last that grows no ill.

XI. Is there indeed a river that can clean/ The stable of my thought? Can't I hide ... In virtuous act, the dismal inward scene? [&] wall out God with deeds. [But] my soul blazes God's light despite my screen. Torrential seas of brightness round me press ... Till in the fullness of Thy light no room/ Is left for cherished walled gloom.

XII. It is not hard to turn the other cheek/ after an insult, or hot tempered blow ... easier far to go/ The 2nd mile with enemies, than show/ Love to deceitful friends ... Yet, Lord, do I not ... betray Thee oft, with word or sneer/ of silence—and Thou bearest it, content/ To wait in long love on my betterment.

XIII. My Lord, Thou art in every breath I take ... With buoyant mercy Thou enfoldest me,/ And holdest up my foot each step I make./ Thy touch is around me when I wake,/ Thy sound I hear ... by Thy light I see/ The world is fresh with Thy divinity ... Thy creatures flourish for Thy sake ... So cleanest Thou this House I have defiled ... [Mercy I show] is Thy mercy, Lord, in overflow.

XIV. How every virtue casts a mimic shade/ Of subtle vice, so like in form & face/ shadow oft usurps royal place ... in unholy masquerade ... [Love's] gold, is by lesser love betrayed ... Meekness is pursued ... [in see-king to comply] bland & lewd ... No deceit of words can hide long/ Life's seed, [true] meekness of the strong.

XV. ... [In] groping movements of the intellect,/ bounds are smudged where fact & shadow meet ... [Then], Love scents a wind, blowing from God ... And senses, deeper laid than sight, direct/ To free air once-bewildered feet./ Love must be made pure to be our guide ... our spirit lifts/ To love for Love alone, not for God's gifts.

XVI. Are there no armies, no angelic hosts,/ Invincibly arrayed in awful might/ To battle with the shapeless forms at night? The slimy writhing ranks that Satan boasts? ... Can Hell be taken with thin wisps of light ... [or] entreating ghosts? ... What know ye, ye blind lords of strife,/ About the secret Kingdom of [Human] life!

XVII. No kingdom falls before it is betrayed/ By inward enemies—no outward foe/ Can deal the last and only fatal blow ... [Have] I laid/ Thy Kingdom in me open to a slow/ Unseen decay? ... My inmost stronghold is rebellious still/ Against the peaceful envoys of Thy will. / Lord, run through me with Thy sudden tide,/ For this proud heart can never be Thy throne/ Unless its pride be pride of Thee alone.

XVIII. I plunge [my self], shouting, in the fertile tide/ Of vast creation; lave myself in light, [in senses] ... With [sound], scent, taste, touch: all senses sanctified./ What?! In God alone I must rejoice?/ Not in God's creatures, abounding gifts?/ Seek 1st the Kingdom—for thy joys are dim/ Until thou findest all things new, in Him.

XIX. Are not my friends built around me like a wall?/ We stand together in a firm stockade/ Around the cheerful fire our faith has made ... Beyond the glow ... Slide shadows ... Of unacknowledged doubt ... [Beyond the] fire, and friends at call ... [If I am left] shivering in the bleak, immense,/ Dark Otherness—will not my fire go out? Gathered sticks [of fire] are scattered, but the sun/ Warms many no more certainly than one.

XX. Must every joy spring rash from beds of pain? ... And songs of joy to mournful chants be sung? ... Can the chain/ of golden love the pearl of price sustain ... the weight of woe? ... Could'st Thou not have brought [Thy] Life ... at a cost less great? ... Did'st Thou give us night/ For stars, and give us suffering for Thy light?

XXI. Wrapped [up] in God, must we then blandly bless/ Wretchedness, pain, disease, as Heaven-sent ... And channel our intent/ Away from Earth, [while] power and lust oppress/ The ancient-suffering seed of gentleness ... [If] we are but cattle, tortured that God's grace May shine—I would deny that God to God's face ... If God should suffer too ... and love, and die—may we not see/ The paradox blaze into Mystery.

XXII. Can grief be gift ... Divine Love's gift? ... Vital-tearing agonies ... Of choking pain? Ah ... dare we sift/ An abyss of suffering [&] take [up] our cross ... The very tongue ... [that spoke of suffering] was bored with blackening flame ... [It says] there's joy greater than joy can know,/ Through suffering on the far side of woe.

XXIII. I won't shout for victory, nor praise/ The bloody laurels of returning hosts ... Neither will I mourn defeated days ... Not with the world's joy will I raise my heart,/ Nor with the world's grief bow it down to dust ... For earthly love is kin to lust./ The living soul must find securer worth/ In grief of heaven than joy of earth.

XXIV. There is not death but this, to be alone,/ Outside the friendly room of time, space, [& friendly face] ... Where in the vision nought but self is shown/ From the last despair, the extremest cry,/ Flows the great gain that swallows all our loss./ From the towers of heaven calls the bell/ That summons us across the gulf of Hell.

XXV. Can I have fellowship with them that fed/ On desert locust, husks of swine,/ Or slept without a tent [on hard earth] ... When I on easy [banquet] couches [have eaten and] reclined ... and slept comforted? How can we from a lofty table feel/ With Lazarus the glow of friendship,/ Unless with spirits destitute, we find/ Fellowship in the deserts of the mind.

XXVI. While yet we see with eyes, must we be blind?/ Is lonely mortal death the only gate/ To holy life eternal ... [Death] "too early" or "too late"/ [has] no meaning in the Eternal Mind ... Death ... bars our way, unless ... We give our self, will, heart, and fear./ And then ... from above/ Is poured upon us life, will, heart and love.

Queries—How & Where can I find "a river to clean the stable of my thought?      How often do I betray thee, with word or sneer/ of silence?       How do I invite God "to clean this House I have defiled?"       How do all our virtues "cast a mimic shade of subtle vice that often usurps" the place of actual virtue?       How do we access "senses, deeper laid than sight, to receive guidance from Love made pure?       How do we "love for Love alone, & not for God's gifts."      How can Hell be taken with thin wisps of light, without using invincible force?      How have I laid Thy Kingdom in me open to betrayal & a slow unseen decay?      How do I first rejoice in God alone, so that I truly enjoy & rejoice in God's gifts?      How are friends "built around me like a wall, so we stand together in a stockade around the cheerful fire our faith has made?
           How do we access joy that "springs rash from beds of pain?      How can the chain of golden love sustain the weight of woe?      How do we access light that is the product of our suffering?      How may we see the paradox & mystery of our suffering & God suffering with us?      How can grief & "vital-tearing agonies be Divine Love's gift, & be used to reach the joy "on the far side of woe?      How do we "find securer worth in heaven's grief," & resist the temptations of earth's lesser joys?      How can I have fellowship with them that are poorly fed & housed, if I live in comfort?      How can we see with the Kingdom's eyes, while we still have worldly vision?      How do we access the eternal Kingdom before reaching the gate of death?
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338 Touched by God (by Kenneth Carroll; 1998)
            About the Author/ Foreword—Kenneth L. Carroll, of Easton Maryland,    was educated at Duke University. He taught New Testament (NT) & Church    History classes at Southern Methodist University (SMU) for 34 years. He has      published widely in NT & Quaker studies [See excerpted Publications List at     end of summary]. He was active in Quaker institutions in TX, Friend's World     Committee for Consultation, AFSC, FGC, & PH. This pamphlet grew out of     talks at Leinster QM in Enniscothy, Ireland (June 1997) & 3^rd Haven Meeting     (MD, March 1998).

    Kenneth Carroll has given a great deal to Friends over the decades     since he 1^st came to our religious society more than a ½-century ago. He has     articulated his Quaker beliefs and practices in a personal way in this pamph-    let. His major research and writing has been in Quaker history. Ken Carroll     began to spend his summers in Ireland and Britain during the years he was a     professor at SMU, [eventually making 45 visits in 39 years], which included     doing lectures on both biblical topics and Quaker history while there.

     [Meeting for Worship: Being Touched, Grabbed, and Kicked by     God]—A stranger came into our Dallas meeting, [and when he couldn't stand     the silence any longer, rushed up front, shook his Bible in one hand], and     blurted: Why are you people just sitting there? Why aren't you doing     something? and rushed out. It reminded me of Samuel Bownas, who "took     no account of Preaching, but [rather] slept." The Quaker minister Ann Wilson    spoke directly & zealously to him: "thou art no better for thy coming, what Wilt  thou do in the End?" Bownas became one of the greatest traveling Quakers    at the beginning of the 18^th century.

       If we have come to meeting with heart & mind prepared for worship,     then we are doing the most important thing we will ever do. We will be touched  in unexpected—and perhaps undesired—ways. We may experience a sense     of direction or redirection or feel our consciences awakened or made more   sensitive. Our Korean Friend Ham Sok Han produced an autobiographical     work entitled "Kicked by God." Sometimes it might take a kick to get our at-    tention.   However God's message or touch comes in the holy time we have to-   gether, it must not be ignored. I will share with you accounts of some of    the meetings where we were truly touched by God.

     [Durham (NC) meeting: Autumn 1946]—My spiritual pilgrimage had     taken me away from the church in which I was raised and then to rejection of     organized or institutionalized religion as such. I sampled other Christian and     even Jewish religious approaches until there remained [only] the Quakers for     me to visit. Their peace testimony appealed to me, and I was wrestling with the  question: "What can a person do in a world that needs so much help so     much healing, so much rebuilding?"

    The meeting for worship was about 20-25 people; it slipped from initial      joy in seeing each other into a silence that became a living silence. An elderly,  white-haired man with a gentle SC accent uttered a brief message that [spoke  to the above question]. He had read a biography of Elizabeth Fry, who gave    her life to meeting the needs of women in English prison. It became increa-   singly clear to David Smith that he was called to meet those individual needs    that called out to him for action. [I found] what I had been seeking. In my 1^st   meeting for worship God had reached out to touch me.

    [Golders Green (London YM): Summer 1959]—At London YM, about  a dozen of us signed up to go to Golders Green Meeting; we got there by  underground train. The train arrived on schedule. One of our number became  involved in a lengthy conservation with the ticket collector. She was asked to     come along and extracted herself. In meeting the woman spoke of how the  collector asked about Quakers, [and how she had broken it off too soon] "I  know now that I failed someone in need." 

    Early in the service we had been lifted up—like at the Transfiguration.     But then we had been brought back again. We are not meant to stay in that    rarified state. We are brought back into the world to serve God. There was a     great growth in the Trappist movement at the end of WWII, more than 2,000     members with more joining. Several years later the number had dropped to     500. When asked why they had left, they answered: "We discovered in our   withdrawal that we were called to take our place in the world in the service of    God and our fellow human beings."

    [3rd Haven (Easton, MD); 1960's]—At the time, 3^rd Haven was a small  meeting of elderly, well-dressed upper-middle-class Friends, some of them     more concerned with what other people thought than doing God's will. In Mee-    ting, George confessed that he saw a [scruffy-looking, unkempt, hippie-type],    and someone suggested that George ask him to leave, George did so. "I      should have said, "We are about ready to start our meeting for worship. Won't    you come and join us? I know I failed God and another human being." I have      looked back on this meeting as a reminder that we have to be careful not to    confuse the "package" with the "contents." [A similar young man helped me   when I was immobilized at the top of an escalator].

    A woman who had just lost her husband told of how her grieving son,  while he was jogging, was joined by an elderly man who said, "I have just lost a  son." The woman's son shared his loss, and each reached out to take the     other's hand; they finished together. An Advice in Philadelphia YM's Faith and     Practice reminds us that we must be teachable in order to teach and reach-     able in order to reach out.

    [Morecambe Bay, NW England (summer 1964)/ 2 More 3rd Haven  Meetings (Easton, MD; 1990)]—150 people joined a week-long pilgrimage in     "1652 country." The high point was the walk across the sands of Morecambe     Bay. Our guide carried a long pole to check for possible quicksand. When we     reached a river, our leader called for us to have a brief period of prayer. He told  us we should not look down while making our way through the swirling water.  We should look to the hills on the opposite shore.

    A very important Quaker belief is that God may speak to us in a total     silent meeting, rather than just through vocal ministry. 8 years ago, I developed  health problems and was misdiagnosed. After a 4,000 mile trip and a month     of wrong treatment, I went back into the hospital. They found a grapefruit-    sized tumor and took a biopsy of it; it was cancer. I went for a walk, and ended    up at the meetinghouse for Wednesday evening meeting. I felt a wonderful   sense of peace come over me, even though nothing was spoken at the   meeting. As John Burnyeat said: "How were our hearts melted as wax, and      our souls poured out as water before the Lord, and our spirits as oil, frankin-     cense, and myrrh, offered up unto the Lord as a sweet incense [with not a     word spoken]."

    A Friend, who seldom spoke, told of how inconsolable her grandmother  was when her grandfather died. For 3 days she continued to ask God to be     taken also. Then she stopped. "Well, God did not take me. He must have     something else for me to do. I had better try to find out what it is." Jesus said:     "Not my will, but thy will be done." If we come to meeting for worship with the     spirit found ultimately in the grandmother, in Jesus at Gethsemane, God will        speak to us in meeting for worship—we will be "touched" by God.

 

BOOKS: Joseph Nichols and the Nicholites: A look at the "New Quakers" of [MD, DE, NC, SC] (1962)

300 Years and More of 3rd Haven Quakerism. Queen Anne Press, 1984

CHAPTERS IN BOOKS: "Tatian’s Influence on the Developing NT," in Boyd L. Daniels and M. Jack Suggs (eds.) Studies in the History and Text of the NT. Salt Lake City, University of Utah Press. pp. 59-70.

"George Fox and America," in Michael Mullet (ed.), New Light on George Fox. York: Ebor Press/ William Sessions Limited, 1993, pp 59-68.

ARTICLES: "Charles Bayly," "Josiah Coale," "Elizabeth Harris," "Thomas Loe," "Martha Simmonds," and "Thomas Thurston," Biographical Dictionary of 17th-Century British Radicals (1982-84).

    "The Expansion of the Pauline Corpus," Journal of Biblical Literature, LXXII (1953), 230-37.

"The Place of James in the Early Church," Bulletin of the John Rylands Library, 

    XLIV (1961), pp. 49-67.

"The Nicholites Become Quakers: An Example of Unity in Disunion," Bulletin of Friends Historical Association, XLVII (1958), 3-19.

"Nicholites and Slavery in 18^th-Century Maryland," Maryland Historical Magazine, LXXIX, 126-33.

"Southern Quakers and the Race Problem," Friends Journal, II (7/7/56), 423-24.

"Friends Southwest Conference, 1958," Friends Journal, IV (12/20/58), 747-48.

"Walking with Woolman," Friends Journal, VIII (1962), 389-90

"Persecution of Quakers in Early Maryland (1658-61)," Quaker History, LIII (1964), 67-80.

"William Southeby, Early Quaker, Anti-slavery Writer," The PA Magazine of History and Biography, LXXXIX, (1965) pp. 416-27.

"The Anatomy of a Separation: The Lynam Controversy," Quaker History, LV (1966), pp. 67-78.

"From Bond Slave to Governor: The Strange Career of Charles Bayly," Journal of Friends Historical Society, LII (1968), pp. 19-38.

"Martha Simmonds, Early Quaker Enigma," Journal of Friends Historical Society, LIII (1972), 31-52.

"1^st Publishers of Truth in Norway," Ibid., LIII (1974), pp. 226-31.

"Friends Consult on the UN," Friends Journal, XXI (1/15/75), pp. 43.

"An American Quaker Colony in France, 1787-1812," Historic Nantucket, XXIV (October 1976), pp. 16-29.

"Quaker Attitudes Toward Signs and Wonders," Journal of Friends Historical Society, LIV (1977), pp. 70-84.

"Irish and British Quakers and their American Relief Funds, 1778-1797," The PA Magazine of History and Biography, XII, (1978), pp. 437-56.

"American Quakers and their London Lobby," Quaker History, LXX (1981), pp. 22-39.

"Singing in the Spirit in Early Quakerism," Quaker History, LXXII (1984), pp. 1-13.

"Quaker Captives in Morocco, 1685-1701," The Journal of the Friends Historical Society, vol. 55, nos. 3 & 4 (1985 & '86), pp. 67-79.

"The Honorable Thomas Taillor: Tale of 2 Wives," MD Historical Magazine, 85

  (1990), pp. 379-393.
"MD Quakers in England, 1659-1720," Ibid., 91 (1996), pp. 451-66.
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339 Prayer: Beginning Again (by Sheila Keane; 1998)
            About the Author—Sheila Keane is a graduate of the School of the     Spirit's 1995-97 "On Being a Spiritual Nurturer" program; much of this pam-    phlet's content [is from there]. She was a Pendle Hill resident student while     writing this. She is active as a spiritual nurturer & has a clinical and teaching     practice as a physical therapist.
           PREFACE—I didn't know enough about prayer, & I wanted to learn what   others said about praying; something was missing. [This time] I prayed the     learning, & that has made all the difference. I experimented with praying tech-    niques & my own styles. I held open my intention to pray and talked about it. I     interviewed 9 members of the 1996-97 Pendle Hill community. The prayer   queries I used are listed at the [end of this summary]. This pamphlet's words      and concepts were mostly given to me, re-discovered treasures. I invite you to  pray this pamphlet.

      Beginning Again/ What is Prayer?—After each new book or wise sug-    gestion, I began again, full of enthusiasm. Then I lost momentum as I ran into     the inevitable doubts and failures. This was my path, my entry into a sustained  life of prayer: always beginning again, doing it over and over again. 

       Christians  define prayer in terms of the content of prayer. There are     prayers of: petition; intercession; worship; giving thanks; praise; confession;     listening; meditation. I  have found these ideas an inadequate description of a     full life of prayer. I asked God: What is prayer? God said: "It is malchut, the     place we meet. 

        It is a feeling echoing, glowing in your core beyond words—which     quiets, chastises, uplifts, comfort, & celebrates the One." There's an attitude,    a way of being that is integral to the prayer. Without a deep voice from be-    yond the words of prayer, our ["praying"] can be shallow and inauthentic.

       The desire for a relationship with God is often our entry point to prayer,     and our desires are shaped by our prayers. [Along with our values, desires     show themselves in actions of humility, love, and compassion. Thomas Kelly     writes: "The Living Christ within us is the initiator and we are the responders     ... All our apparent initiative is already a response, a testimonial to His secret    presence and working within us." In defining prayer, we must include ways of      being, yearning, acting, or receiving prayer. There is something mysterious      and incomprehensible about praying, which is the expression of our rela-   tionship with the mysterious Divine Being.

       Why do we pray? We pray as an expression of the ever-deepening  relationship between ourselves & God. "Prayer is the intentional slipping into     the soul's chambers. What goes in will come out in accordance with God's      purpose." "Prayer is talking to, being with & listening to God. I pray to be in     relationship with God." I pray most often to be helped, guided, comforted, or  transformed by  prayer. 

        Brian Taylor writes: "Prayer's purpose is to become aware of life as it  truly is for us at any moment & to learn to embrace it ... We ... see ... life's     inherent holiness...If this moment is where God is to be known & appreciated,    we start to see God in the ordinary moment. Rather than seeing people as     experiences...to cling to or avoid, we can see them as they are, with apprecia-    tion...Reverence, peace, light, playfulness, openness, renewal, freedom,  happiness, truth, courage, & love...are God's qualities we can know." 

        [Some believe that prayer only changes our] own receptivity to grace.  Others believe prayer changes others & the world. Distinctions between other &  self becomes blurred as I approach the unitive experience of prayer, [which in     turn] allows me to hope that our prayer joins with creation's original prayer. We  become co-creators with God, who is large enough to have a deep & perso-    nal connection with all.

       Theology Affects Why & How We Pray—Coming to a deeper under-    standing of the nature of the Divine being is both a purpose & an outcome of     prayer. I have often found that my beloved God-as-other can best be found by     turning inward & attending to my own thoughts, feelings, worries, and desires.     Prayer happens when the God-within meets the other-God which transcends     all. All God-images or names are true as metaphor, not as absolute. The fami-    liar male/king image is useful in describing some aspects of the Divine, but     misrepresents other aspects, as does any God image. If we are to have any  image of God, perhaps we should have many.
            Those of us rejecting oppressive, restrictive doctrines and images may     have arrived at an unimageable God. Majorie Suchocki thinks that God is a     power within all matter, pervading it with divine presence and potential pur-    poses. The fulfillment of our divine potential and consequent expression of     our authentic selves is our prayer and action in the co-creation of the world.     Suchocki claims that: "Prayer is God's invitation to us to be willing partners in     the great dance of bringing a world into being that reflects something of God's     character." Some may claim that rejection of organized religion and its doc-    trine is a sin, but to fail to risk sensing that God exists is probably a greater     sin. Do not allow religion to remove you from your God. Guard Her jealously,     and let Him have as many genders and images as you can imagine.
             How Do we Learn to Pray?—Sunday School, family attitudes & prac-   tices shape our pathway to knowing God. Learning prayer can be spontane-    ous, through beauty, poetry, arts, nature, or the deep spiritual presence in     elders. Prayer is learned throughout life, & is very private & individual. It     reveals the truth about ourselves, God, our world. 

       Prayer painfully strips away illusion. It takes trust to pray truthfully. [Our  circles of intimacy start far outside us with the General Public, then moves in-    ward through Acquaintances, Close Friends, Intimate Other, to Self, & its  God Within. Who would you trust with the secret of who you really are?     Perhaps no one, not even God. But you can't hide from truth. Being with God-    within reveals the truth of who you are & who you aren't. The boundaries &     capabilities of self expand, yet we become small in the context of the vast-    ness of God.

        Personality Shapes How we Pray—Praying doesn't have to be nice     or flowery in language. It just has to be real. To be real requires knowing my-    self & expressing that [true] self fully and honestly to God.  The more I forced     daily prayer discipline upon myself, the less I was able to pray. My impulse to     pray needs to come from bringing a concern before God or gratefully recogni-    zing the presence of an intimate God.  By what criteria do I decide that     prayer is working? [The most notable type of pray-er] has difficulty unrave-    ling prayer from the rest of living, so natural & pervasive was their habit of    prayer. Theirs is an ongoing conversation with God, & noticing God's presence   in all [experience].

        [There are 3 essential life stances of pray-ers described in the Sufi En-    neagram]: heart-centered, head-centered, gut-centered. Head-centered people  seek to understand through study and reflection the general nature of the     Divine. They are distracted by interior experience of thoughts to be explored,     and find it difficult to descend from the rational into the emotional domain of     prayer. Heart-centered people tend to understand a particular situation, [inclu-    ding] scriptural readings, as an example of a universal truth. They are dis-       tracted by the pulls and tugs of the outer world, especially by the need to be     seen doing it right. Authentic heart-centered prayer is more free-form and     spontaneous, arising from expressions of the deep self; they find expressive     Psalms useful.

        Gut-centered people seek to detach, to learn to let reality be, & to sur-    render to God their need to be powerful, influential, or right. Stilling activities     like centering prayer, mindfulness meditation, & witnessing God's presence,     & calming passions are necessary to provide balance for gut-centered peo-    ple; they are exquisitely present to the world's realities. They benefit from     setting aside a specific time to pray, creating an idleness that allows God to     be more fully active through them. This unitive prayer can re-invigorate their     valued ministry with new life emanating from the Spirit. To help you find a way     that best fits with your personality, I offer a prayer menu.

           A Prayer Menu
        DOING PRAYER: spiritual disciplines; scheduled prayers [worship]; 

        journaling; God-letters; spiritual friendship; packaged study aids; 

        exploring self-care & self-knowledge;  studying & learning; imagi-

        ning scriptural life.
        BEING PRAYER: have gratitude and awe; emotions- and body-aware-

        ness; be that with which God can create a Spirit-filled world; sub-

        mission; "holy obedience"; deep  listening; family/ daily life as spiri-

        tual discipline; living in intentional religious community; choosing 

        "manual labor" while living more simply so as to have more time 

        and energy for God; simplifying life; being alone with God.
        GIFTING PRAYER: expectant waiting and receiving God's gifts of 

        quiet insight or vocal ministry in meeting for worship; reading sa-

        cred texts directly into the heart, shaping desires more than beliefs.
            Prayers of Mystery/ Prayer and Discernment—Prayers of Mystery are  a union beyond words or images, God's unspeakable name, living into the     questions. What am I supposed to do? What is God calling forth in me, in     us? How can we know what we are called to do? Discernment assumes     there is a divine will which we seek to discover, a will to which we attempt to     align our motivations & actions. Decisions are based on reasoning, emotional  reactions, & social consequences. 

       Discernment uses these & goes beyond to include a fundamental     yearning for union with the Holy Spirit. The first tool of discernment is a real     sustained relationship with God, knowing & loving God with all your heart &     mind & soul, with all your being. Living in the mysterious state of perpetual     submission to the holy will is more than most can manage. We need tools of     discernment to be used in helping us to transcend our human limitations.
            The Inward Discipline of Discernment—Prayer is the vehicle of deep     relationship with the Holy One. To pray is to offer our most tender wishes to     God, to listen to God's responses to our soul's deepest desire, to notice with     gratitude God's presence in and around us, to recall the graces of our past &    to hope for more and greater graces. Self-awareness, acceptance, nurture, the  gentle stripping away of the false self, [even time-off from discerning], are all      important to the discernment process. We need to be spiritually at home, "res-   ting in the Lord," centered in and grateful for the love and comfort of God.

          [Awareness of our body's unconscious reaction to thoughts about  discernment encourages honesty]. Using imagination is another way to encou-    rage the intuitive. If your life were nearly ended, what would you choose to  do now? Writing or journaling about concerns and notable thoughts can be     useful in preventing self-deception. Patterns emerge over time that are more     easily seen as patterns because they are recorded. Research, information     concerning decisions isn't incompatible with faith, but the most prudent choice     is not always the most faithful; let prayer and its answer be the guide.

          Outward Discipline of Discernment/ Recognizing and Receiving     Answers—At some point, a choice has to be made, often before we have     inward clarity; this is doing while listening. We move cautiously, [& watch care-    fully] the outward signs resulting from actions. The "consolations" are: inner     peace; clarity; things ["clicking"]; obstacles falling away; increased energy,     inspiration; new possibilities; more joy & love; closeness to God; soft certainty.     The "desolations" are: anxiety; forcing things; exhaustion; concern obsession;     separation from God; joyless, judging & angry; rigid certainty. Do my actions     make use of my talents & abilities? Are my choices compatible with my  life constraints? A radical life change is often contrary to God's will.

       Traditional religious wisdom also holds that leading should be in accord  with scripture. And the more impact the choice will have, the more essential it is  that we bring our discernment process under the scrutiny of our spiritual elders.  The spiritual community shapes us simply by our proximity and involvement in  it [e. g. worship and business meeting]. [There are smaller groups available in  the form of] clearness committees. When we stay open to receiving needed  messages and messengers or angels, we are practicing spiritual hospitality.     [We are ready for a stranger's message to] strike and ring in the center of     truth within.

       No one can tell me what God's will is for me. I can and should consult     with others, but in the end I must make my own decision. There are a variety of  discernment tools and forms to be used in balancing the inward and outward  forms. Discernment is like driving in the fog; we often can see only what is     immediately ahead. Perhaps, it doesn't matter what we choose so much as  how we choose, open-hearted and yearning after the divine will. Answers often   come indirectly, embedded in the whole of life. Live into the [uncertainty], the     paradoxes, the vulnerable condition, our utter dependence on God's divine     guidance.

       Effects or Outcomes of Praying—Experiences of the clear presence     or answering of God exemplify the via positiva, the way it's supposed to be.     Sometimes we seek a Word and get a Blank Stare; this is the via negativa.     Perhaps it is because God doesn't care which option we choose in a particular  situation, or because God is calling us out of dependence on outward confir-   mations and more toward an inward sense of divine will and faith. 

       If you experience pain, loss, loneliness, or despair during your spiritual  journey, you may be in the common phase called the "dark night journey"; you     may need guidance for a time. Prayer has a way of changing things; it brings on  a desire for God. This desire leads to "the conversion of life," changing our     thinking, feeling, values, time- and money-spending, home, friends, and work  in a way which serves the greater will of God. How we do this is discernment;    the actions that result are ministry.

      Final Words of Advice—Prayer, like walking, is always beginning  again. I offer 3 universal advices about prayer: be authentic; get encourage-    ment; practice.  Recall that the human body is an inherently unstable     machine. To walk is to continuously fall and catch one's self, over and over. It     is the almost there, yearning nature of invitation that gets us past the thre-    shold, and it is practice & experience that gains us skill. We leave behind old     things, ways, roles, and relationships, falling and catching ourselves continu-    ously until it becomes directed by the skill of our intention toward God. We     invite and encourage one another.

       If we merely "recognize" that of God within one another, we see only  the potential for this dance. You need to: "... be patterns, be examples in all     places ... that your carriage and life may preach among all sorts of people, and  to them. You will come to walk cheerfully over the world, answering that of God  in everyone; whereby in them you may be a blessing ..." As we encourage each  other to grow spiritually, we will find that suddenly, [our "that of God"], the  Imprisoned One erupts out of us and glows Her new Freedom into the world.  The Imprisoned One in each other meet and dance before us in a cosmic  beauty surpassing all expression. Deep speaks to deep, and we are made new.  Welcome to the dance.

       Queries—How do you express your prayers using your body, sen-    ses, emotions, thoughts, or actions?      How do you listen for God's     responses?      How necessary is piety in prayer?      How do you prepare    for prayer?      What problems have you encountered in your prayer life     and how did you cope with them?

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340 A Song of Death, our Spiritual Birth: A Quaker Way of Dying (by 

    Lucy Screechfield McIver; 1998)
          About the Author—In 1992 Lucy McIver answered the call to follow a     spiritual path & accompanied her spiritual mentor, Teresina Havens, & Tere-    sina's husband (2 years later) during the final days of their deaths. After that,     Lucy sought to understand how Quaker faith shapes not only our living but our  dying. She spent the '95-'96 school year at Pendle Hill finding answers through  writing & artistic expression. She received the Cadbury Scholarship for '96-'97  and took the opportunity to examine the 17th century Quakers' attitudes and     experiences of death & dying. With her partner Karen Lundblad, she offers     workshops on "Living our faith unto death."

       INTRODUCTION—There are moments when we are pulled out of     everyday life into awareness of another realm. That indescribable largeness is     a promise that life is much more than the time-limited boundaries of our     earthly self. The notes of a wood thrush's liquid melody rise and fall, circling     around other sounds, floating on the breeze to pierce my heart, calling me out     of deep sleep and offering new life for me to live.

       I have also inwardly listened around the words & feelings of those who  are dying, finding the work of God echoing in my heart; I intuitively know that  death is spiritual birth. Recently I was given the gift of taking part in the home-    birth of my granddaughter. I knew that birth & death were sacred moments,     somehow connected into a larger order of reality. As the time approached,     whether in birthing or dying, there was expectant waiting with reverence for     something much larger than our individual selves. The people in these events     supported one another, finding a common ground in the sharing of emotions. [I  am using key questions in the headings that follow]. 
            Could birth and death be the same experience?—We must address     the assumption that birth and death are life's metaphysical moments, the defi-    nitive transitions between temporal life & the eternal. Failing to approach the     unknowns on the other side of birth & death from our current life, we generally     limit our perceptions of how full and powerful life can be. An inner sense pro-    claims that at our birth we become a single manifestation of Divine Largeness     receiving the breath of God in our physical life. 

       At death we return our breath to God, and reunite with the Divine, in a     spiritual birth that connects us with eternity. At the moment of my granddaugh-    ter's birth: A mother, a grandmother, a midwife, we all know/ in that moment ...     in that stillness ... / an angel has blown Divine Breath/ into the little one ... its     soul enters its being .../ riding on the angel's breath. We are gathered toge-    ther in Divine Largeness with the cry of the baby's 1st breath.
          The process of dying is similar to the labor of birth which frees our  physical body that we might re-enter into that primordial indescribable place.     Teresina Havens lived her dying labor with joy. [She was inspired by the dying     words of] a 17th century Friend, Richard Hubberthorne, and had them read as a  statement of her faith: "This night or tomorrow night/ I shall depart hence .../ Do  not seek to hold me,/ for it is too strait for me;/ and out of this straitness I must  go,/ for I am wound into largeness."
          Visualize God's eternal order as a spiral, as a whirlwind which holds us in  its momentum. Birth and death are the moments when our spirit is flung from or  pulled back into that large continuum. We are the manifestation of that large-    ness, and are sometimes aware of it. Robert Jeckel (1667) speaks of this     awareness: "No  Separation like unto this,/ Soul separated from the Body,/ the     Spirit returning to God that gave it,/ and the Body to the Earth from whence it  came./ Great has the Loving Kindness of the Lord been unto me ... 

       Elizabeth Gray Vining writes: "Infuse me with Thy spirit so that it is thee I  turn to, not the old ropes of habit and thought. Make me poised and ready when  the intimation come to go forward eagerly and joyously into [the change], the  new phase of life we call death." Dying is a beginning, another birth, a return to  Largeness. And we can know this spiritual birth as we daily live our faith. F.  Raylton wrote: "Blessed are they who are sincerely concerned to know the new  Birth, which is to be born from above, that they may inherit the Kingdom of     Heaven ...
             Can Death be a time of living more completely?—As we are living,  we must turn around & look into the eyes of death; to see there a friend & guide  who will lead us into the Light. In moments of great, [yet simple joys of nature],  we glimpse God's largeness & forget our singular selves. If we experience daily  small losses as opportunities to let self-will go, to accept human frailty, we in-    wardly grow to live in God's fullness. [We will be tempted to repress rather than  accept] human frailty; surrender is the essential process of living fully before  God.
            While in prison for public testimony of her faith, & dying there, Elizabeth  Braithwait (1684) said: "Do not sorrow for me, I am well,/ content to live or die,/  for God hath blessed [Friends]/ and will bless me,/ and his blessing rests upon  me." Also dying in prison, Edward Burrough (1662) said: "Thou hast loved me ...  in the Womb,/ and I have loved thee from my cradle,/ from my youth until this  day .../ Now my soul and spirit is centered in its own being, with God,/ and this  form of person, must return from/ whence it was taken."
             Such acceptance of one's losses is foreign to many 20th century atti-    tudes. How have Quakers lost the belief that giving self-will over to God is  the way to receive God's loving arms in passing from temporal to eternal  life?      How do we balance the intellectual, physical, and spiritual sides  of ourselves? The shift of emphasis to the physical and intellectual has given  over control and monitoring of birth's and death's natural process to medical  practice. Thus, we are separated from our innate ability to experience life's re-    generative powers. 

       This became clear to me as I witnessed the dying of my friend, Joseph  Havens. [After suffering from Parkinson's for a time, and becoming] unable to     give to or receive from others, [he sought and found clearness with a committee  to carry out self-starvation. [Some of us] were horrified at the thought. Joe   spoke of his conviction that his work was done, and his readiness to face the     final spiritual challenge: death.

       Joe focused on the pain of his own hunger & found it connected with  global hunger. He inwardly felt his suffering somehow lessen the pain of others    lacking food. We were reminded of the reality of hunger & came to feel the     suffering of many. Joe would ask us to take mindfulness into our lives & not     contribute to, or increase global poverty. Through his dying testimony we     came to know that our consumerist culture was the foundation of world-wide     poverty. So strong was his love of living that surrendering to death couldn't   have been done without strong inner faith. All who knew & lived with Joe in     his dying-time of were affected by his witness. Joe & I would watch the leaves   float to the ground. [How is the autumn leaf's falling in all its color as im-   portant as my life, my surrender of life]? Each is manifesting God's work    without value judgment in God's realm.

       I have come to define living into death as an inner labor which lets go of   self will into a larger acceptance of divine creation. Living into death is [a state     between states], neither in this life or the next; we know the mysteries of cre-    ation with a sense of peace and completion. In all the small surrenders and     losses is a rehearsal for the physical death that each of us must face. Ruth     Fawell writes: "We have to nourish this sense of eternal values all our lives by a  daily renewed act of thankful love and [obedience to insights given]." When we  let go of self, surrendering to the larger wholeness, we may glimpse the loving  grace of God.
            James Nayler writes shortly before his death: "There is a Spirit ... that  delights to do no evil, nor to revenge any wrong, but delights to endure all  things in hopes ... to outlive all wrath & contention ... all exaltations and cruelty    ... Its  crown is meekness, its life is everlasting love unfeigned; it takes its     kingdom with entreaty, and not with contention ... I have fellowship therein     with them who lived in dens and desolate places in the earth; who through     death obtained this resurrection and eternal holy life." [How is] the shedding     of the unneeded skins of time and earthly understandings the final fruits     of life, and a  journey into union with God?

       How did the faith of early Friends guide them in the experience of  living into death?—I could hear the passion of early Friends' faith in the words  I read. The octogenarian I talked to wanted to have a conversation to seek     clearness as he is facing his own death. What do I know about the Quaker     way of dying? Early Quakers died as they lived, practicing their faith. John     Camm (1721) witnessed to the gifts of accepting his diminishments, including     consumption. He wrote: "My outward man daily wastes and moulders down,/     and draws towards his Place and Center,/ but my Inward man Revives/ and  Mounts upwards." 

       He sought God's Love believing that as each person let go of self she or  he would enter into God's abundance. 1756 London YM suggested that all     earthly matters should be kept in order so that in their time of dying Friends  would not be distracted from the holy work of seeking God.

       Margaret Ellis (1731) wrote: "I made it my Concern/ to look at my days-    work/ when Night came to lay my head on the pillow,/ & take a view of my     Heart,/ least there [were] anything the Lord had Controversy with ..." Hugh     Barbour (1988) writes: "The dying person, neither [all] of this world nor joined to  the next, could speak to those around with an authority possessed by no ordi-    nary person; the dying individual would preach to them."
             We don't know how to speak of death, to ourselves, each other, or our     children, or how to offer comfort & support. [As a modern culture] lacking the     collective foundation which prepares us for death, we are left grieving & help-    less. How will embracing death openly through dying labor [weave] a     circle of faith as we live into that common experience? Early Quakers'     expression of faith was a way to face death. Gathered experience was a     deep moment of feeling God's work upon them. Mary Moss' (1692) father     wrote: She labored [that] .../ they might also come to feel/ & be made sensi-    ble of what she witnessed,/ of inward Circumcision in Spirit .../ And the can-    dle/ which was lighted in her/ did shine forth to others;/ so that it is well for    [those] left behind."

       Among early Friends, Death was regularly talked about & revered as  the pinnacle of one's spiritual journey. Death was usually the finite result of     being taken ill. Supernatural presentiments came from dreams, visions, &     other mystical experiences. [Our firmer definitions] of natural & supernatural      boundaries have prevented us from seeing the very positive quality of the     premonition of death & the way it was deeply rooted in daily life. Death     making itself known in advance was an absolutely natural phenomenon, even     when accompanied by wonders.
            Before his fatal illness, William Penn's son Springette had desired to  travel in the ministry with his father. William Penn said: "If thou shouldst not live,  I do verily believe thou wilt have the recompense of thy good desires, without  the temptations and troubles that would attend if long life were granted thee."  Springette replied: "My eye looks another way, where the truest pleasure is ...   All is mercy dear father; everything is mercy." 

       The one who was dying would often minister to the family, acknowled-    ging their shared grief, reminding them to trust in God and accept God's will in     their dying. John Camm said: "His Glass was run [out];/ The time of his depar-    ture was come,/ he was to enter into Everlasting Ease,/ Joy and Rest ..." and     "You should not so passionately Sorrow for my Departure;/ This House of Clay  must go to its Place;/ this Soul and Spirit is to be gathered up/ to the Lord, to     live with him forever/ where we shall meet with Everlasting Joy ..."

       Their death ministry magnified the daily practice of their faith. Today we  note that children who face death exhibit an intuitive nature about life. The 17th  century accounts of children's dying are mirrors of an innate trust [&] piety. Eli-    zabeth Furley, age 13 (1669), prayed: "I hope I shall never Rebel against thee     more,/ but have full Satisfaction in thee/ & in thy Ways .../ let not an unadvised     Word/ come out of my Mouth .../ Everlasting Kingdom hast thou shewn me,/  and I hope I shall never forget it/ while I am in this world." 

       Sarah Camm (age 9; 1682) said: "I am neither afraid nor unwilling to die,  but freely am given up thereto,/ in the will of God." She believed that the "Great  God of Heaven and Earth would keep her and preserve her soul, whatever     might become of her body." Her last words were: "I shall have a resting place ...  I am well, I am well ... It will be well with .../ all that fear the Lord/ for we shall     have everlasting joy in heaven/ ... Oh my dear father/ thou art tender over me ...  but it availeth not ... It is the Lord that is my health and physician, and God will  give me ease/ and rest everlasting ..."
           Early Friends had a faith in life beyond the temporal, grounded in the in-   dividual's relationship with God, freed for individual expression from the boun-    daries of doctrine. Each individual had to come to their final reward in their own  way.  Their final words were their testimony to the underlying truth of God's  Love. Thus early Friends' living faith lifted their time of dying into an exemplary  path echoing for Quakers of the 20th century an uplifting promise that death is  spiritual birth.

       In Conclusion, The question "[What is] the Quaker way of dying?" can be  answered by living our faith as embodied by the founders of our Religious So-   ciety of Friends.  To live that faith we must believe that we, as a thread in the     divine tapestry [of perfect Love] that God is weaving, are essential to the tex-    ture and construction of that cloth, co-creating with God, and birthing the per-    fect realm of Eternal Grace. Living daily with sacred intention into our dying     we can find complete and final expression where God's life and our lives are     bound together. This is seeking perfection in relationship with God. If we ac-   cept this path, we will find the thought of death to be healing. Our fears of    immortality will fall away, our lives will become filled with love and peace. We     will look forward to letting go, joining the natural flow of life towards Eternal     Love.

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